sambevank

[sambevank]

Jacen had never cared much for birthdays. It wasn’t for any fear of getting older or a particularly bad past with them. He just didn’t see much point in singling out the day you were pronounced officially a live being. His boyfriend, however, insisted on making the biggest deal possible.

When he’d first started dating Wyatt, Jacen never would have taken the tall, eternally-mellow, blonde for a grand-gestures type. For a while this seemed to be proven true, but then his birthday came around and, after quite a memorable night at a restaurant Jacen is still not sure how his boyfriend was able to afford, a different side of Wyatt emerged.

This side revealed itself during all the big holidays and anniversaries, and when the two started the hard but necessary long-distance part of their relationship, any time they were reunited. Not all of Wyatt’s gifts were ones of extravagance, but all of them had some significant meaning to the two. Jacen hated to say it aloud for fear of sounding superficial, but he absolutely loved being doted upon.

Excitement had started to unconsciously overtake him on these days. So, he should have woken up on his 23rd birthday feeling anything but dread and indifference. He couldn’t muster anything more than a sense of reluctant obligation to getting out of bed, though. As the brunette started to dress and plan his day, the reason for the unpleasant mood started to sink in. There would be no Wyatt today. And, really, what other reason did he have to celebrate? Sure, his friends had suggested going out for drinks and a little dancing, but that paled in comparison to last year’s mountain cabin getaway, complete with champagne in a hot tub and… well, lots of sex.

Being in another country made planning elaborate gifts a little hard for his boyfriend. Of course, it was his decision to take the internship at the famous Parisian publication, one Wyatt fully supported. Unfortunately, this meant a measly two or three visits to each other a year. Thanksgiving had made the third this year. So, though he very well could have asked Wyatt to fly out for the occasion, the fear of seeming selfish, or too needy kept him from bringing it up at all.

Maybe it was also the lack of signs that Wyatt even knew his birthday was coming up. Their face-time session last night had been short and casual, no indication that the other was aware of the following day’s importance- UGH, but of course it didn’t hAVE to be important. Jacen hated the nagging feeling he had that today was important. He wasn’t like that. Wyatt was the one who had put this idea in his head about certain days having ~special meaning.~ This made him even more irritated with the blonde, which in turn made him feel guilty, which in turn made him irritated agAIN.

As Jacen stood, brushing vigorously at his teeth, his eyes flickered periodically down to the phone currently glued to his hand. Still no texts from Wyatt. Granted, the permanently sleepy man might quite possibly still be, well, asleep.

The day progressed pretty uneventfully, almost unnervingly so. A couple of the other interns who he had befriended wished him a happy birthday, and he got texts from other friends back home. But no Wyatt… Jacen ate his lunch in a blind rage, stabbing his fork into his salad and chewing aggressively while he dared his phone not to present him with a message from his clearly clueless beau. He chewed the last bite of his food extra carefully, watching his notifications the whole time before he finally had no reason to draw out the lunch hour any longer. He could already imagine the millions of tiny tedious tasks there were going to be for him once he reported back to the interns’ supervisor. The irritation with his boyfriend was abated for the moment, if only to make room in his mind for half the day’s work still left to be accomplished.

Tedious tasks can only distract you for so long, though. And soon, as he sorted through the stack of letters to the editor for the next week’s issue, he found himself setting each sheet of paper down with a little more force than necessary. At some point, in the stream of increasingly-indignant thoughts running through his head, Jacen decided that as soon as he was off work, he was going to phone the other and find out exactly how clueless he was. Of course, he couldn’t see how this would make him feel any better in the long run, but if he were going to have a crappy birthday, the least he could do was make Wyatt’s day a little more crappy to even things out.

Usually he was the last of the interns to poke his head into the supervisor’s office and sign out for the day, today his head popped in first, and the blur of his blue cardigan flapping behind him was seen disappearing out the door. He held his phone to his ear tightly, as if he would be able to hear more clearly what exactly was running through his boyfriend’s head that way. When the ringing was cut-off and he heard the smooth, even tone on the other end, he almost thought twice about proceeding with this charade. And yet. “Hey, Jacen, how’s your day goin?” The other asked, charmingly, but nOT charmingly enough. Hmph.

“Fine. I’m just... headed from work.” He tried to answer back as casually as possible, twisting his fingers inside the end of his sleeve to channel the restless energy away from his voice to somewhere else.

“Oh?” Came a now amused reply. “You never leave work this early. What’s the occasion?” A pang. A definite twisting in his stomach. He really didn’t know.

“Don’t know. No special reason.” Jacen hoped his voice didn’t sound as miserable as he felt.

“Well, you of all people deserve a break from that place, without you they’d probably implode. So, go home, get some good takeout and rent yourself something chill to watch. I can watch it over the phone with you, maybe.” Jacen was a little torn between the flattery of Wyatt’s well-meaning sentiments and the infuriating obliviousness which made those intentions obsolete. 

“Thank you... I do think they’d survive without me, though. And I think I’m gonna go down to one of the cafe’s. I got this book I’ve been meaning to read and I want something nice to drink while I start it.” He was only just coming up with this plan of action now, and it didn’t sound like such a bad idea either. Definitely not the birthday celebration of the century... but then again, he wasn’t the one who’d made those such a big deal. 

“Oh. ...Okay. So. Hm... which cafe?” Wyatt inquired, sounding a little frazzled by this news. 

“I don’t know, I was just going to walk around and see what the closest one was.” Jacen shrugged, not sure why this was of such interest to the other.

“You should go home first... change out of your work clothes so you’ll be more comfortable.”

“Wyatt, you know I hate going back out once I’ve gotten home. I’m fine in what I have on.”

“But... Just...” He heard a long exhale on the other end as his boyfriend tried to formulate a reply. “Okay. Well, at least tell me where you are so I can meet you there.” 

Jacen opened his mouth to give some short, huffy reply, but stopped when he’d replayed Wyatt’s response in his head so I can meet you there. “Meet...? So you can...? Wyatt, I don’t.... Are... Wyatt, are you in Paris?” He could already feel the tips of his fingers reacting to the closeness, his whole body felt warm at this new knowledge.

“I’m at the apartment. I uh... yeah, well I know we hadn’t planned to do anything more this year.. but well. I couldn’t stay away. So, tell me where you are so I can start not being away anymore.” 

Jacen blurted out the first cafe he could remember and as soon as their phone call ended he put the directions into google maps because he actually had no idea how close he was to this place. Thankfully the five blocks weren’t too grueling and he was about as close to it as Wyatt was leaving from the apartment. He entered the shoppe a little sweatier and breathless than he would’ve liked, but the excitement of birthdays and celebration and significance was back and outshone those minor drawbacks. 

Wyatt entered with his eyes already on Jacen, as if he could sense him from any distance and was simply gravitating towards him. His arms enveloped the shorter brunette and his lips lingered comfortably on Jacen’s forehead, murmuring as his fingers grazed along his back, “Hello, my love. Sorry I had to be so secretive... I thought I was being smooth, but I could tell you were getting a little frustrated with me.” The hint of a  smile entered his tone and Jacen his let his head tilt up to catch his boyfriend’s eye. 

“Maybe a little...” Jacen allowed, biting his lip embarrassed by his earlier feelings now. Then Wyatt’s hands covered the red burning in his cheeks and the feeling melted away. 

“So, what does a hot, Parisian publicist like to do around here, huh?” He asked, lifting a brow inquisitively, and tugging Jacen back out of the cafe, already in on the fact that this wasn’t truly how he’d wanted to spend the day. 

“Ummm,” Jacen giggled, trying to imagine himself as one of his bosses, and wondering what kind of places they went around the town. “Somewhere like, classy and expensive. Not touristy of course.” Though Jacen actually wouldn’t have minded a night of cheesy touristy things as long as it included Wyatt.

“Hmm.” Wyatt replied, very secretively, meeting Jacen’s confused look out of the corner of his eye and letting his lips curl up conspiratorially. 

As a full-time lifeguard, with no degree, and no second job, Jacen never really understood how Wyatt accomplished and afforded half the elaborate trips and gifts. The only answer he ever got out of the other was “I know a guy.” Which... well, actually it didn’t seem to out of the realm of possibility. But Jacen couldn’t quite fathom what “guy” Wyatt would know in Paris. So, when they stopped in front of Saint James Paris, one of Paris’ nicest hotels and when Wyatt continued to lead him inside and up to the reception desk, and when the blonde actually uttered the words, “Hi, room for two, under Heath.” Jacen blinked up at the other as if they were committing some sort of crime. 

There was no way his boyfriend, who never had any food in his own apartment, owned four shirts, paid for things in mostly quarters, had gotten them a room here??? But the woman at the desk handed him a room key and told him what floor (the top floOR???), and a bellhop lead the way to the elevator. Once they were alone in front of the door to the room, Jacen prodded him very nervously, wondering when Ashton Kutcher was going to come out and say he was getting punked. “Wyatt, we can’t really be here can we? What are we going to do when they ask us to pay!!!” His boyfriend only ruffled his hair amusedly, and said with no hint of a joke in his tone, “I already paid. We’ve got the suite for the night.” 

Jacen hovered, still unsure, at the door, as the blonde sidled inside like it was the most natural thing to be here, and then Jacen finally had to walk further in because the suite was the most glamorous thing he’d ever seen. Add to that, he saw his own overnight bag sitting on the nightstand next to the comfiest looking king-sized bed in the world. “How...” He began, and shook his head, realizing he’d only get a vague answer to that question anyway. As he was admiring the unnecessary, but beautiful fireplace that accented the center of the den of the suite, he felt Wyatt’s arms encircle him again, his chin nuzzling against the top of his head, sending a marvelous chill down his spine. 

“What do you want to do first? There’s a fancy bar-slash-restaurant in the main lobby, and there’s also room-service if you want to stay in here. I brought a bunch of your disney movies to watch, and there’s a bathtub big enough for two in the bathroom. So... you name it.” Each option delighted Jacen in its own way, the last, of course, bringing deep red to his face and neck, where Wyatt’s lips currently were.

“Room service and disney movies sound absolutely perfect.” He sighed and twisted around to face the other, letting his arms clasp around the others neck, shifting up onto his tiptoes to bring their faces closer, but lingering a bit cheekily a few inches away from Wyatt’s anticipating and partially parted lips.  “Then we’ll see about that bathtub.” Jacen finally hummed before he removed that pesky bit of distance, and their bodies and souls became one.

[sambevank]

“How could somebody NOT fucking love you!?” His voice was severe and it seemed to break over each word. Jacen had never heard Wyatt’s voice like this. Nor could he recall ever seeing such a wild look in the other’s eye. It had been a simple enough question, Jacen had thought... Do you really love me, Wyatt? Now he saw it was not so simple, not to Wyatt.

The severity crumbled almost as soon as it had come, though. “Yes. Fuck. Jacen...” He sighed, clearly exhausted by even that short of an outburst. “I really,” he sighed again, and took the shorter man’s face in his hands, nothing but gentle now. “really love you.” Their eyes were locked firmly, and the tip of his thumbs were sliding carefully over Jacen’s jaw. He wasn’t sure when their bodies had met, but he felt a rush of the most soothing warmth wash over him at the feeling. Jacen made sure that when their lips met, his kiss said I really love you too.

[sambevank]

So, I guess you could say that Jack Parker was not doing anything for Valentines Day this year. It had definitely been communicated that way. And yet… Well, Chase had sort of admitted to liking him just two nights ago, although he’d kind of retracted it and pretended as if he meant it only in a strictly heterosexual friendly way. But Jack knew the difference.

Were you supposed to hang out with your newly bisexual best friend when you knew they had a crush on you? Jack didn’t know the rules on that yet. There had to be some handbook for having best friends with homosexual crushes on you. There were handbooks for everything these days, why not one for that? It’d certainly keep him out of trouble. With both Chase and his “friend girl person thing.” But Lorelai was a subject for another day, another fic (or no day/fic at all).

He really didn’t want to spend the totally unimportant, lame as hell holiday by himself, though. It’d just remind him of how fucked up everything was at the moment. So, after a short and mildly awkward text message conversation with Chase, he confirmed that their casual 14th of February plans were still on.

Jack had a few errands for the day before he was going over to Chase’s at around sixish. Not right at six because, like, it didn’t matter when he showed up really since it was for casual friend-guy plans and all. He “cleaned” his apartment (got the dirty laundry into a pile and threw away all the empty food containers laying around), he put the dishes in the dishwasher, and lastly he went to the grocery store.

Being an avid eater he was always running out of shit quicker than most people. He often stopped at several different stores, just to make sure he didn’t miss out on anything too good. It was in the second grocery store that he found himself in the flowers section. Just looking at the flowers. These are nice. He thought offhandedly. Not even sure why he was here looking at them. Before he really had much time to think coherently he had put a bouquet in his shopping cart and was in the checkout line.

Of course, he was about to put them back. But then the clerk asked knowingly, “Seeing someone special tonight?” And Jack just sort of… nodded? What the hell was that about?

The bouquet was forgotten after a while as he went into his apartment to put up all the groceries, left sitting on the passenger seat of his small two-door Pontiac. A small glance up to the clock on the microwave told him he was running a little behind. He left the abundance of chips he’d bought lying on the counter and went to jump in the shower. Just to freshen up a little or whatever.

After putting on and taking off three shirts (because, I don’t know, none of them seemed casual enough), Jack settled on his most casual blue button-up. He passed his bottle of nice cologne on the way out of the room and sort of hovered in the doorway looking at it. With a huff, he went back over to it and dabbed a little on his neck. Tossing it at his bed, he left the room and gathered up his keys and the pack of beers he’d offered to bring over for the hang out thing.

He was setting the beer down in the passenger seat of his car when he noticed the bouquet of flowers in the spot. He blinked at them for a minute, trying to remember what the hell he’d even bought them for, and then finally pushed them onto the floor, setting the beer in their place. Jack drove without the radio on, not a common practice of him, but he’d kind of just forgot to turn it on. No matter, he arrived at Chase’s pretty quickly, looking at the clock to see that it was 6:02. He was almost right fucking on time. That was okay, right?

Jack picked up the beer and the flowers before going up the steps to Chase’s floor. Jack went back down the stairs to put the flowers back in his car. Jack retrieved them again not a second after setting them down. Jack put them down again. Jack- what the fuck are you DOING? He stared at the flowers for a long minute (it was 6:05 now). He went up to Chase’s apartment, the flowers in hand. Oh my god, you’re a fucking idiot. He knocked on Chase’s door, the beer clutched to his chest like a fucking life jacket. He heard Chase coming and immediately threw the flowers across the hall as Chase was opening the door. Turning to look as nonchalantly at his friend as possible he held up the beer a little more.

“Sup.” He almost choked out and then quickly moved in past Chase. The button-up seemed like a little much now that he looked at what Chase was wearing. “Brought the beer.” He said dumbly, and Chase kind of nodded his head in an I see that, dumbass kind of manner.

“Were you throwing something when I opened the door? What was that?” Chase kind of chuckled, a small amused smirk painting his lips and Jack’s throat dried up because how was he supposed to make it sound not at all out of the ordinary that he’d bought flowers, brought them to Chase’s, and thrown them across his hall.

“It was just a uh, candy wrapper. I kind of gave in and bought one of those bags of candy.” He chuckled as if this was a true thing and he was just so amused with himself because of it.

“Nice, man.” Chase shook his head and then took the beer, which left Jack with nothing to clutch in front of him. “You can sit…” Jack had been kind of crowding the doorway, his hand literally touching the door as if he were about to run at any minute.

“Yeah.” Jack nodded, and went over to the couch, sitting straight-backed on the edge.

“Heads up.” Chase called and Jack turned and was promptly hit in the face with a bag of Tostitos. Chase cracked up, getting out a “my bad” between laughs. Usually Jack would be laughing or something by now too, but he was literally going red in the face, staring at the bag of Tostitos in his lap. He quickly tried to remedy that with a couple of monotone ha ha’s.

Settling a little more calmly into the couch as Chase brought over two of the beers and sat down on the other end, Jack tried to remind himself of where he was and whom he was with. This shouldn’t be awkward or anxiety inducing. It was Chase. It was just his best friend, a couple of beers, and a random Friday evening.

For a while he believed what he was telling himself. They watched sports center, made fun of the one guy with the gap who always lisped the stats, played a couple rounds of Tekken (which Jack had been getting much better at, by the way), and drank a few beers.

It was when someone knocked at the door that things got a little less casual again. Chase pushed off of the couch with a lazy grunt and Jack was digging around at the bottom of the bag of chips for the last couple of crumbs. Jack didn’t think to listen in to the short conversation at the door before Chase came back, but he really should have.

“Who was it?” He was asking as he continued to retrieve the biggest crumbs.

“My neighbor.” Chase replied simply, but he didn’t sound like himself. Jack looked up to find that Chase was holding a bouquet in his hand and staring down at the little card attached. Oh shit.

“Who are those from?” He asked weakly, his hand frozen in the bag.

“It doesn’t say…” Chase looked over to Jack. “They found them lying across the hall.” He was looking intently at Jack now and it was really starting to unnerve him.

“Huh.” Jack said not looking at Chase.

“This is your handwriting.” Came the simple reply. The room was quiet for a long minute and then Chase was laughing again, and Jack’s face was getting all red. “You bought fucking flowers for me, oh my god.” Chase was saying, shoulders shaking with laughter.

“It was a joke. But I decided it wasn’t funny and just tossed them or whatever.” He hadn’t noticed but he’d been sliding down where he sat and now had his face almost completely hidden behind the empty Tostitos bag.

“Well you decided wrong, that’s fuckin hilarious.” His laughter was dying down and he finally sat down on the couch again, the flowers in his lap now.

Jack gave a forced laugh. “Yeah, I guess so.” But he didn’t even convince himself this time. Chase’s face became a little more serious after that reply and he looked back down at the flowers taking them out of his lap and setting them on the floor. Jack followed by putting the Tostitos bag down, his face (still a little reddened) fully visible now. It was quiet again for a second, and Jack fumbled for something to say to return the evening to normal, but nothing came to him, and anyway it was becoming very clear as Chase was leaning in toward him that it wasn’t really possible to return to normal at this point.

“The flowers were a joke.” Jack mumbled again, not making any effort to move back as Chase was getting dangerously close.

“Mhm.” Chase hummed back, his hand was on Jack’s button-up now.

“We’re out of chips.” It was almost like he wasn’t fucking trying.

“Yeah.” Chase agreed, and his lips brushed Jack’s jaw-line very agreeably.

“I think I- I need another-” But Jack’s thoughts were left unfinished, now turning to his friend’s hands, warm under his shirt, on either of his sides, and then the way Chase tilted his head just enough to let his lips catch Jack’s bottom lip. Up until this point, all Jack had been contributing was a lot of uneven breaths and a sound resembling an “uh-huh” as if giving permission for Chase to continue moving his lips around Jack’s protruding lower lip.

When Chase’s warm, warm hands travelled around and found the small of his back, Jack found himself lowering his head into the next kiss. His mouth repositioned fully on the other male’s and his hand reached from his own lap up to the nice sharp cut of his friend’s jaw. One finger ran along the edge of it rather appreciatively and he went a little hard at Chase’s breathy encouragements.

It was as if the other could sense that because almost immediately one of his hands was moving from Jack’s back and landing firmly on his crotch. Jack had to keep himself from sighing like a horny teenage girl as Chase’s lips curled up and his eyes met with his. His hips moved to press more firmly into Chase’s wonderful hand. It really was wonderful. Jack’s head fell back slightly as that wonderful hand continued to tease him. “Fuck,” he said through tight lips as he continued to try to keep his moaning and groaning in check.

Jack couldn’t take much more of the teasing shit, and he made that known by taking it upon himself to reach down and undo the button and zipper, holding his hips up to pull them off kicking off his shoes too so they would fall from off his ankles. Chase was smirking above him the whole time, and Jack narrowed his eyes at him in a no-nonsense manner even as his friend was going to straddle him. Chase sat back a little on Jack, watching the formerly heterosexual jock squirm beneath him, and took pleasure in watching his mouth open and close in a desperate attempt to hold onto any masculinity as Chase massaged that hard-on Jack had right there for him. For him.

Jack knew what Chase was thinking. At least the jist of it and if he wasn’t so fucking turned on right now, he’d have punched his increasingly homosexual friend in the face. The fact of the matter was, Jack was fucking turned on, and he was tired of this smug shit the other was pulling. His hand came up to drag Chase down to him, lips pressing heatedly to his and his hands keeping the other’s hips aligned with his as he rubbed up against him.

“You just brought me flowers so you could sleep with me.” Chase said in a mock pout. Jack tried to act unamused hiding his smile in a kiss on the male’s neck. He didn’t know if that could actually be considered a lie anyway. He hadn’t really been thinking at all when he bought them, maybe somewhere in the back of his mind that was his intention.

“Are you trying to get back at Lorelai by hooking up with me? If so, awesome.” Chase was saying as Jack was getting the last button of his own shirt undone.

“You need to learn to shut up.” Jack grunted, but not angrily. He leaned up into his friend, sliding Chase’s shirt up and watching him pull it over his head and drop it onto the floor.

Chase sat up a couple moments later, removing himself from Jack’s lap. Jack watched him, a frown forming before the male grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him up too. He pulled Jack in front of him, wrapping one arm around the front of him, and then steering him toward the bedroom. He could feel Chase’s dick pressing into the back of his boxers the whole way, and he tried really hard not to stop and push back against him.

Jack let himself be stopped at the foot of the bed, his knees pressing into the end of the mattress as Chase pressed his chest against his back. He took that opportunity to push his ass against the bulge still hidden underneath the other’s pants. Apparently that was all it took because Chase was quickly undoing his pants, pulling his boxers down with them and grinding his hips into Jack. “Shit.” Jack let out in a heavy breath, leaning down with his hands pressed into the edge of the mattress. He let Chase grind against him a few more times, little spurts of moans escaping him despite how much he clenched his jaw.

Chase sucked at an inviting patch of skin right near the back of Jack’s neck, giving the spot a little nip every time he heard the other moan. When he felt his dick couldn’t take any more of this dry humping, he slid his thumbs under the band of Jack’s boxers, tugging them down, ducking his head to look down at that tight little ass Jack had been keeping from him. His hands ran along it, grabbing at it a couple times and then he gave an experimental push of his dick against it. Jack pushed back, his hand reaching back to grab at Chase’s upper thigh for something to hold onto other than the mattress.

Chase coaxed Jack onto the bed then, one hand under him as he pulled them both into the middle. Jack’s eyes watched him with a kind of lust the other had never seen in them before. He opened his legs almost eagerly as Chase coated a finger in lube, and he gripped tightly at the male’s shoulder as the finger slipped inside, slowly at first and then darting in and out faster. He let Chase add a second finger and then a third and he slid his own hand down to the other’s dick, wrapping around it and jerking at it lasciviously.

When Chase pulled a condom out of his drawer next, Jack watched him break the seal between his teeth, taking it from his friend and sliding it over the man’s dick himself.

He could tell Chase was hesitant at first; it was actually surprising it wasn’t the other way around. The tip of his cock slipped in and out of his hole gently, too gently for Jack’s liking. Taking Chase’s head between his hands, Jack dragged him down for a kiss, grunting a very demanding “fuck me” on his lips. So, Chase let the hesitation go, pushing himself fully inside Jack, letting him get used to the feeling before he started a slow but heavy motion with his hips. Jack tried to match up his hips accordingly, but the sensation had them jerking erratically upward.

This time it was Chase letting out the more moans, Jack returning a few every now and again but barely able to make much sound at all between trying to breathe correctly. The bedsprings added their own whines to the air as the two rocked against each other, and finally Chase felt himself let go with one hard thrust of his hips. Jack had been cumming a moment before into his hand and now let his head fall exhaustedly against the bed. He almost didn’t notice that Chase was still inside him until the other pulled himself out removing the condom and getting up to throw it away and retrieve his boxers. He brought Jack’s back to him, dropping them on his chest.

“Thanks.” Jack said in a much quieter voice than he meant to, pulling the boxers back onto himself. He was figuring he should probably get up and get the rest of his clothes on when Chase laid back on the mattress. He turned his head to the male beside him, looking to see if he was wanted to stay.

Chase took Jack’s chin in one hand kissing at the slightly swollen part of Jack’s lip where he’d been kissing him before. Jack took that moment to turn more on his side, facing Chase, his chest pressed into the other’s arm. He supposed now he got why everyone bought flowers for February the 14th.

[sambevank]

There were things that Jack was not proud of in his life. Most of them were his own mistakes. Most were within his control, ones that he would be able to fix for himself. Unfortunately, as often is so in everyone’s life at some point or another, there were those certain things he was not proud of that were not so much within his own control. Things of those sort, a guy could usually toss into the back of his mind with all the other pointless thoughts that don’t need dwelling on. If only it were always that easy.

He’d never wanted to throw his phone out of a window, go out, pick it up, and throw it again as much as he had the other day. One of those things he wasn’t so proud of had given him a call. Not a very nice one either.

For a lot of his life, Jack’s father had just been a thing that he wasn’t proud of. Sure, maybe sometimes he missed the man. At least, he missed the one who used to come and pick him up from little league practice and take him for ice cream. Then again, he hadn’t known at the time that the woman who also just so happened to be at the ice cream place was who his father had been having an affair with, and just so coincidentally the woman he now had a son and new life with. Well, he wished he didn’t miss the man. He wasn’t proud of that either. Frankly, it made him end up feeling like the guilty one. Giving any thought to the person who had hurt his mother the most. But that eight year old kid in Jack still wished that maybe he could just get picked up from little league one more time and they could skip the ice cream where that home-wrecking bitch was waiting.

That call, anyway. For one, it had been the first he’d received from his father in just over six months. The last was to ask if Jack wanted to house-sit while he and his new wife and kid were on a cruise. If Jack had thought that was bad, he was in for a real fucking surprise this time. The C-word had been dropped not five seconds into the call. Cancer. His dad was dying. Two months to live, maybe less. Jack had already started to hate himself for the tears starting to blur up his vision as he walked quickly to his car in the parking lot of the Wendy’s he was in. He was starting to regret the quarter-pounder he’d scarfed down because he also felt like he might need to double-over any second.

There wasn’t much time for him to be sad about his father, though. Especially not when the man on the other end of the phone made it clear that he didn’t very much want to be anything like that to Jack. Those may not have been his exact words. But when you ask your son not to come see you before you die because it might be “too confusing” for your new family... that’s kind of the message you send.

“Okay.” Had been Jack’s reply. Okay, I won’t come and see you before you die dad. I’ll be okay. Glad your new families so okay because your old one is not. That’s what he should have said.

It had been three days since the call and Jack had put every effort into forgetting the call even happened. So what, right? Why, at this point, should he even care? The man doesn’t call him for six months, and when he does, it’s to let him know he shouldn’t ever bother him again- for his new families sake. Good fucking riddance. He would’ve given anything to think those things and really believe them. But the truth was he’d never felt more unwanted in his life.

The more Jack thought about this, sitting in his apartment with a freshly finished six-pack (littering the floor right next to yesterday’s emptied one), the more outraged he became. For thirteen years of his life, he’d been waiting. Waiting for a sign that the father he once knew and loved was going to come back for him. That the family torn apart for so long, would be mended back together. The way it should be, right? It occurred to him now that this was never in his father’s plans. And that what he’d done was never really a mistake in his eyes. He wouldn’t be surprised if that diseased, old, bastard had never felt sorry for leaving Jack at all.

Well, he wasn’t going to let the man get away with that this time. Not if this was the last chance he had especially. Pushing off the couch to stand, and immediately feeling the enter room spin, he sat back down and made a plan in his head to leave as soon as he woke up in the morning to pay his old man a visit.

He shut the radio off halfway into his drive there, focusing only on what it was he would say when he go there. A million different speeches formed in his head, most ending with him walking back out before his father could say anything. One ended in him knocking over the trey with food on it, considering the nurse had brought one in. But he knew, for this situation, he wanted to show his father the man his son had turned out to be in his absence. A better man.

The only reason Jack even knew what hospital his father was in was because he’d looked up the telephone number he’d called from and found it on the site for Hartford Hospital in Connecticut, where he knew he lived. When the building first appeared in the distance, he could already feel himself losing every nerve he’d had to come here. Gripping the steering wheel as tightly as if it were his father’s neck, he pulled haphazardly into a parking spot. He stood tall as he got out, thinking that even if he didn’t feel so confident, at leas the could look it.

A nurse stopped him on his way past the desk in the main hall and he explained who he was here to see, using the word ‘father’ with gritted teeth. The man pointed him in the direction of the elevator and informed him it would be the fifth floor. Jack nodded his thanks, feeling his throat suddenly too dry to say it. On the fifth floor, he spotted a vending machine, and bought himself a bottled water, downing the entire thing in under a minute, and crushing it in his hand to release some stress. Another nurse then directed him to the Cancer ward, and it didn’t take him more than two minutes to spot his dad.

His dad had spotted him as well.

“Guess you’re wondering why I’m here since you told me not to come.” The first thing out of his mouth and he was already pissed at himself. Could he have stated anything more fucking obvious?

“Son-”

“No, wait a fucking second.” He barked, responding aggressively toward the term the man had used. “I’m not here for a visit. Don’t worry. I wouldn’t dare get in the way of your family’s happiness.” His voice was more controlled than he felt, and as he said it, he shook angrily.

“Then why are you here?” His father said this with such a disdainful sigh, that Jack wanted to reach forward and snatch off those tubes feeding him precious oxygen right now.

“I’m here,” he begun, taking breath to keep himself from simply shouting obscenities at the man “because I wanted to look you in the eye when I say this to you.”

“Very well, say what you have to.” Had this really been the man he’d missed for thirteen years of his life? Staring at the older, hospitalized version of what he once called his father, Jack finally felt the words coming very easily to him.

“You have given me so many reason to hate you. Three of them being the people closest to me that you hurt so much. But I could never do it. I thought for the longest time that I was too weak. But you know what I mistook for weakness was actually just wanting a father. And that’s not weak.

Everyone deserves a father. I never felt like I deserved you. I was stupid enough to believe that if I was a good enough son, you’d want nothing more than to be my father. What I’ve come to realize now, after far too much time, is that I was a good son. I am a good son. You. You’re the bad father. You would be proud of me if you knew me. You would be lucky to call me your son. But you missed that opportunity, and I hope you regret it for the rest of your short life.

You won’t have to worry about me confusing your family at the funeral either. Besides, we already had one for you back home a long time ago.”

He left before he could even see the expression on the man’s face as he spoke the last few words. As he got back into his car for the long drive back, Jack dialed the number for his mom’s work, knowing that’s where she would be at this time. “Hey,” He said to the answering machine that had told him to leave a message. “I don’t want to interrupt you while your busy. I just wanted you to know that I couldn’t have asked for anyone to raise me better. I love you, mom. I’ll see you next weekend.” He tossed the phone into the passenger seat before starting up the engine, taking one look back at the hospital, imagining for his own sake that the man in there was regretting every second of his life since leaving him behind. There were things in his life that he wasn’t proud of, but luckily his father wasn’t one of them anymore.

[sambevank]

Have you ever experienced something that completely changes you? Something so incredible it makes you forget how you'd ever felt anything really good before it? One that made you ache to do it again and again, every day, all the time. You'd think about it and it became all you could focus on. There wasn't anything you could get done until you experienced it again. 

Kissing Chase felt kind of like that.

Okay, so no big deal really. Jack had enjoyed it a lot, that was all. And, hey, maybe he was currently lying in bed unable to sleep because his whole body felt this immense coldness. The air around him was too empty. Fuck, he needed it filled with Chase. 

His hands were closed around his sheets, wishing those sheets felt more like parts of Chase. But it wasn't a big deal. The fact that when he closed his eyes tight enough, he could almost feel a whisper of a kiss from a few nights before breeze over his neck wasn't a big deal. His heart, beating into the back of his ears as if screaming at him you want him, it was whatever. Touching himself didn't help either. Not even with his eyes shut, trying to pretend he didn't know the difference between his hands and Chase's. 

He wanted to hate Chase for it. After all, he had done this to Jack. His lips were the ones that had changed everything about a kiss that Jack had ever known before. It was all his fault- his and those fucking lips- that the once dominant and sexually sure of himself Jack now felt like a man stripped down and vulnerable, wanting to be given what he'd always thought he was supposed to be giving... never receiving. 

The next time that asshole, Chase Monroe, showed his face around here, Jack was going to give him a kiss so damn incredible that he'd have to feel this exact same way. It was only fair.