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[samsxcola]

His eyes opened.  The dog was security, protection, from a possible storm, but it was nothing compared to Dean Winchester arriving. Nothing compared to his big brother- and who knew what else.  Everything piled into one person, who contained one body, and was alive.  That was what mattered.  Who hadn’t left him, who hadn’t confirmed every damn suspicion and whisper of the illusions he saw and left.  

Facing the wall, he hadn’t moved, however, not until Dean spoke.  He didn’t dare move, he didn’t invite the universe to decide to act then, to choose that moment to be the one to bring the noises, the lights, the end of the world on his head.  Rolling carefully to avoid the dog, he glanced up to his brother, hair in his eyes.

He’d been broken down to bring him to this state, away from madness, and losing the ties of those he considered friends had shattered even more.  He’d learned to rely on them, in some cases more than Dean almost.  They brought stability, living spaces that weren’t motels, they brought conversations that were different, whole new personalities that he’d learned to get along with and fit into his life- and they’d left.  Like everyone else.  He felt like a kid again.  He felt like his world had settled down into one person, one line of option, and while the person was his life, the options were bleak.

Death waited for them, no matter what they did.  Only now he had Robert relying on him.  He had to stay safe for Robert.

“Mmm?” The question isn’t really words.  He’s still playing it safe, trying to stay invisible to the universe, even if he knew it wasn’t going to work, there was no one watching him, waiting.  At least he was that sane.  He thought.

Staring out the window, mind devoid of feeling, Dean was vaguely aware of the jingle of Robert’s tags as he shifted in the other room. The distance that had fallen between the brothers was beginning to feel like a huge chasm. The two were overcoming their own ordeals, each they had faced alone. Dean felt no animosity toward Sam, he understood what his brother had done. If there was any semblance of anger within Dean, it was all focused on himself. It was his fault that any of the recent events had happened after all. 

They had not only lost touch with each other, but those they had called friends as well. Dean knew that Sam was grieving that loss too. Hell, even Dean himself felt an emptiness that he couldn’t quite describe. Of course, he didn’t let any of these feelings show. Just like always. These feelings were weakness, and being weak meant that the enemy would win. Sighing deeply, Dean turned from the window, standing up from the desk. He grunted as he stretched, rubbing his eye as he closed the laptop. The web search had turned up plenty of possible cases in the nearby area, but Dean was feeling too exhausted to pursue any of them today.

Entering into the bedroom, Dean couldn’t help but smirk at Robert, shaking his head at the dog as he made his way to his side of the mattress. Shoving the dog more towards Sam, Dean fluffed his pillows and propped them up against the headboard. Glancing towards his brother, Dean slid onto the bed, rubbing Robert’s belly after he managed to situate himself. After a few long minutes of silence, Dean finally turned to Sam, his brows raised.

“Hey, Sammy?”

[samsxcola]

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aloneinxthenight replied to your post “aloneinxthenight replied to your post:General GaspYou’re...”

Does that mean Dean-mod will finally be posting more? Yayyyy! You gonna be continuing where you left off or is it a new storyline?

Same storyline, just- fast forwarded a little.  It’s set when Sam is no longer hell/angry unfeeling Sam, and Dean’s back from the dead.  Essentially pushed past the last essential fight they were having with the world.

We’re starting back up with them back to as normal as they can be, with Dean with another trip to hell under his belt to mess with his head, and Sammy trying to find balance in the insanity he’s had for a long time- trying to find that line between that anger and stability in insanity- and jumping at shadows and needing a dog to tell him what’s real insanity.

and dealing with a lot of guilt, as always.  

[samsxcola]

castielofthursday replied to your post “General Gasp”

welcome back!

[Thank you very much <3]

[samsxcola]

thedyingembers replied to your post “General Gasp”

//WELCOME BACK -confetti-

[samsxcola]

He breathed, and that was something of a feat.  The dog that lay on the bed at his side had long since settled from alert to feeling that Sam was not only safe- but as relaxed as he got.  Robert had rolled onto his back, tongue lolling out of the side of his mouth, just grateful to have his owner back.  

There had been a short time, for him at least, that the line he so carefully toed- had broken.  Shattered under guilt, pressure, a desperation that had cooled a little when Dean had returned to life- and even then, it took time.  How long had he spent in another hallucination driven recovery from the demon blood?  How long had he argued before he felt that strength he’d found snap once more?  There was a question, he knew, of whether it was better to be crazy and unstable- or stable and dangerous to those in his way.

Maybe the worst part was that he remembered everything he did.  He remembered the friends he threatened, his attempting to keep Dean imprisoned, essentially, in a room.  That he’d kept Ruby prisoner when he’d found her again, that he’d been too damn high on the blood and the power, on that hell side that came through to fight his own anger.  He could blame hell for part of it, but he couldn’t blame the addiction, the anger, on anyone but himself.

It made him rather- slow to move too much.  Wary of most of the world until he found his footing again.  It was a long drop from confident bastard to wary victim.  From being able to ignore Lucifer as just a gnat on the wall, to having him looming over him again, the nightmares hitting with a new force.  He could have killed the ones he cared about, he could have hurt Dean- and here he was, laying on a damn bed, trying to adapt with yet another thing he’d done wrong.  

He could adapt, he supposed, if he didn’t miss not caring.  If he didn’t miss the cold ease that he had moved through life- the power he could have used, the knowledge he wouldn’t hesitate from using.  And yet- he hadn’t missed this constant jangling noise inside him, that wariness that around the corner would either come Dean- or Lucifer, or even Michael.  That his day might go from normal, to breaking that wall, and he didn’t know when, or where, he would find some stability again.

So he’d lay here until he could figure it out, trying to block out any ideas of rain outside- the way his gut clenched, ready for thunder to come at any time- even if they hadn’t said it would be a thunderstorm.  

But they never knew for sure.  

No one ever knew what was around the corner, and those who did, long stopped giving a damn to warn anyone. 

[samsxcola]

aloneinxthenight replied to your post:General Gasp

You’re aliiiivveeeeee!

[I know, crazy right?  I couldn’t get enough interest on this account to keep it going, but since Dean-mod will be the main focus, anything else is just kind of a bonus.]

[samsxcola]

General Gasp

Holy shit, I live. ;)

I’m going to start doing stuff on here with my Dean again, if you’re interested in interacting with this sam, let me know.  

[samsxcola]

“I’ve been too busy to answer the phone.  You know, doing work.  Like most people I know have been slacking on.  What do you need?”

[samsxcola]

Update: Dean (deansfrenchonion) is being played as if he’s back.  Sam took a demon in himself (possessed) and killed him with demon blood to send him to purgatory to drag Dean back.  While Dean is back (and changed by his experience), Sam is still in essence Dark!Sam.

He feels he doesn’t need anyone to fix anything for him, he doesn’t feel like he can rely on anyone else at all.  He won’t let anyone help, and will be pissed if they act on their own.  He is convinced anyone else will leave at any time and abandon him sooner or later, so he refuses to get attached.

However, he has a death grip on his brother, and in no way will let him out of his contact range.  He will not let others get close to Dean if he can help it.  He’s paranoid and broken down, but he’s calmer in a sense than he had been.

He’s still damn determined to get what he feels he deserves out of live, however.  Which means he will walk away from people, and he will be cold.  Until he is fixed (and I do intend to get him fixed back to the Sam he was.  Even if he was crazy.)

[Sideline: This Sam is an AU in a way.  He was canon up until the leviathans, at which point I took the storyline in my own direction and ignored that they ever existed.  Sam never really recovered from seeing Lucifer, he pops up now and then, but it’s decently under control.  He lived with Tony Stark in the tower for a long time, and was very close friends with the tenth Doctor.   Life has pulled them in other directions though, hence the everybody but Dean leaves idea.]

Generally About Sam

For those who are new, and those who might have forgotten :)

This is a single verse Sam.  He’s been through several years of development, and the most recent had been a delve into his insanity/hell side.

When Dean was possessed by a sin (a demon of a sort that possesses and eats it’s victim from the inside, while controlling the vessel), the sin managed to make Sam break down what sanity he had.  Only when Dean took care of the demon (dragging himself to purgatory with the death of the sin) did Sam start to come to.  

He was the closest Sam has ever been to the demon that would have existed if Lucifer and Michael had managed to change him into one.  He’s cold, manipulative, and if pushed too far into demon- dangerous.  He is definitely Lucifer’s creation.  (I, however, don’t hurt other people’s characters without permission, so I try to keep him from this side unless it’s around people I’ve played with for a long time.  He /will/ kill.)

Dean was dead, and Sam stopped at nothing to bring his brother back and staying alive to enjoy it.  He had decided he deserves everything he’s denied himself over the years because it didn’t seem like he could get it and have the world be safe.

He’s mad as hell and he’s not taking it anymore.  ;)

[samsxcola]

The gentler side of the Father of Murder.

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[samsxcola]

General Fact

[OKAY, so I am STILL geeking out over the fact that in the last episode they alluded to the other Men of Letters bunkers all over the world.  I mean, they have a lot of cool stuff in the american bunker that the boys live in, yes?

But can you imagine what they have in the countries like Ireland or Britain, or the middle east, or Italy, or ANYWHERE?  RUSSIA? MOTHERFUCKIN EGYPT? WHAT IF THE LIBRARY OF ALEXANDRIA WAS LINKED TO THE MEN OF LETTERS

These long standing countries that have fucking years and years and years of written lore hidden in their depths and ways to deal with things that the boys haven’t even dreamt existed?

I just- nerdgasm.

I WANT A SHOW BASED ON THIS, OKAY.  MEN OF LETTERS OF EVERYWHERE AND WHAT THEY HAVE IN THOSE BUNKERS.  OR IF ALL OF THEM HAVE DIED OUT, I WANT THE BOYS TO GO ON A EUROPEAN VACATION TO ALL THEIR EUROPEAN BUNKER HOMES AS MEMBERS OF THE MEN OF LETTERS AND JUST FUCKING LEARN THEIR BRAINS OUT AND DEAN HAVING TO DRAG SAM OUT OF THE LIBRARY TO FORCE HIM TO GO TO BED BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH TO LEARN DEAN]

[samsxcola]

General Admission

I am shocked there are still followers on this account.  Granted, I think a lot of you are personals or no longer active.  

Now for the important thing.  I want to play with this muse again, HOWEVER, I don’t have it in me to do a reboot of him, ever.  He’s been through so much, he’s developed into his own little crazy person, and I can’t imagine setting him back to page one.  So if I bring him back, he will still be single verse (with rare exceptions) and picking up in his storyline.

Would anyone be interested in playing with him, or should I shelf him except for a few rare rpers who I know have the interest, but a long span between replies?

aka: Is there an interest in the followers for me to really try to revive this account?

[samsxcola]

General Admission

I am shocked there are still followers on this account.  Granted, I think a lot of you are personals or no longer active.  

Now for the important thing.  I want to play with this muse again, HOWEVER, I don’t have it in me to do a reboot of him, ever.  He’s been through so much, he’s developed into his own little crazy person, and I can’t imagine setting him back to page one.  So if I bring him back, he will still be single verse (with rare exceptions) and picking up in his storyline.

Would anyone be interested in playing with him, or should I shelf him except for a few rare rpers who I know have the interest, but a long span between replies?

aka: Is there an interest in the followers for me to really try to revive this account?

[samsxcola]

General Admission

I am shocked there are still followers on this account.  Granted, I think a lot of you are personals or no longer active.  

Now for the important thing.  I want to play with this muse again, HOWEVER, I don’t have it in me to do a reboot of him, ever.  He’s been through so much, he’s developed into his own little crazy person, and I can’t imagine setting him back to page one.  So if I bring him back, he will still be single verse (with rare exceptions) and picking up in his storyline.

Would anyone be interested in playing with him, or should I shelf him except for a few rare rpers who I know have the interest, but a long span between replies?

aka: Is there an interest in the followers for me to really try to revive this account?

[samsxcola]

General Admission

I am shocked there are still followers on this account.  Granted, I think a lot of you are personals or no longer active.  

Now for the important thing.  I want to play with this muse again, HOWEVER, I don’t have it in me to do a reboot of him, ever.  He’s been through so much, he’s developed into his own little crazy person, and I can’t imagine setting him back to page one.  So if I bring him back, he will still be single verse (with rare exceptions) and picking up in his storyline.

Would anyone be interested in playing with him, or should I shelf him except for a few rare rpers who I know have the interest, but a long span between replies?

aka: Is there an interest in the followers for me to really try to revive this account?