samxhunter-blog

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“ Names Hunter, Sam Hunter. ”

samxhunter:

“So, new friend boy, what’s the name?”

“August Milligan, how about you?”

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“So, new friend boy, what’s the name?”

“Hello there, new friend.”

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wthtsantamaria:

“What is the purpose for putting it in there though?”

“It’s weird and strange, which gets people thinking and then my comedy that goes on during the whole lettuce thing gets noticed.”

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nylagdi:

“Well there was this one story I read where two girls masturbated with hot dog wieners. So I can’t say I’d be that surprised if someone tried with lettuce. But hey man, I’m not judgin’.”

“Oh jesus, what kind of porn sites do you have to go on to find stories like that? Hot dog masturbation..? Couldn’t they find proper ding-a-lings..?”

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“I guess so, my ideas can be pretty out there.”

“I suppose it is just something I won’t understand.

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“There’s no possible searches that could explain what I decide to do at 3 in the morning.. You may have to be scared.”

“Lettuce… Bathtub… I feel like I should know what you’re talking about. Should I Google it? Should I be scared?”

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“I wanna know who the hell masturbates with lettuce.. I know I’m not the most normal person, but sweet baby Jesus; I have standards.”

“Why the hell did you have lettuce in your tub? Were you trying to masturbate with it or–?”

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“Don’t wanna live up to impossible expectations, gotta go with the flow.”

Why would you not want to be cool?

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“Hella serious.”

“Are you being serious right now or nah?”.

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“I have a very important career in dumping food on myself.. Gotta give myself a future in the comedy business somehow..”

“No I get that. But I don’t get why there is lettuce in the tub.”

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“Who said I was trying to be cool?”

Hun, the rhyming thing isn’t cool.

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“Why wasn’t it in your bathtub? I’m very concerned that you have no lettuce in your bathtub.”

Lettuce in the bathtub? Why was it in your bathtub?

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“One of my friends dared me to go into the bathtub and dump torn up lettuce on myself...”

“What the fuck is lettuce doing in our tub?”

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“There was leafy greens in my bathtub and my Dad decided he’d use my bathroom because my mom was using theirs.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

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“You. I like you, you know humor. Friendship achieved.”

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“What? You act like this is abnormal..”

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“It’s not that weird.. There’s far weirder stuff that’s been done.”