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sangmicat · 25 days ago

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my tongue is too numb for outreach

catelyn x ned || Rated t || chapter 2 of ? || wc: 4,799 || read on ao3

additional tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Modern Westeros, past Brandon/Catelyn, Robert's Rebellion the Remix (sorta kinda), Catelyn and Tully focused

summary

Eddard Stark was the last person Catelyn thought she'd see in her place of work, especially after making sure she'd never run into a Stark. Now two years out since the death of Brandon, she would not only have to play nice with Ned, but come to terms with the decisions she had made, the grief she had put aside, and the fact that the two of them were left behind.

"So, let me get this straight… Your dead fiance's brother is around because dad hired his firm to handle the problem with the Freys? Knowing full well that he works in that specific firm, and most likely would have been brought on to the case?"

Catelyn sighed at how crudely Lysa was putting it, and for how silly it sounded. "Sounds about right."

"…Weird."

"Yeah, well, dad thought it was better to bring in someone from outside the Riverlands." Catelyn frowned at the mess she was making while tossing the fries she had been tasked to make. It was her turn to help with dinner and she hated it beyond reason. She was a slow and messy cook, not as bad as Edmure but the kitchen was always a disaster afterwards, and no matter how much she seasoned anything, her father and uncle made it their mission to complain how everything needed more salt. "I mean I get it—"

"Of course you do." Catelyn knew her sister was rolling her eyes.

"Lysa," she began, her tone teetering on scolding. She adjusted the phone receiver between her shoulder and ear before looking into the cupboard for plates. "He made the best decision that was available. Some non-Riverman lawyer could be why we win. Hey, you should look into Arryn & Royce actually, there's some interesting cases they've won in the past. I think they can be the ones to do it—"

"Ugh, there's really no point in trying to lecture me. Not like I can tell dad to switch lawyers… or that I even would."

"Catelyn! They're done grilling." She jumped as Edmure barreled into the kitchen, frowning at him when he stole a fry from the bowl and then grabbed a handful more, looking ridiculous as he huffed in and out because his tongue burned. "Delicious," he mumbled through the mouthful.

"Is that Edmure? Tell him hi for me."

"Yeah, it is... Edmure, Lysa says hi— Can you at least take them to the table?" She batted his hands away from taking anymore. "And stop eating, there's not going to be enough for Uncle Brynden."

"Hi Lysa! Love you Lysa!" he shouted, laughing when Catelyn shoved him away, and left the kitchen with two plates in hand.

"Breathe, sis," Lysa giggled and Catelyn could only sigh.

"He got into college and you'd swear he became an annoying ten year old again." She busied herself by wiping down some of the counter and moving a few dirty dishes into the sink. "I gotta go, but, hey, dad wants to know if you're coming to visit for Smith's Day."

There was a pause from Lysa's end and though her sister didn't speak, Catelyn could hear something rustling in the background. "Did he really tell you to ask me or are you doing that thing where you think it's best to just convince me behind his back?"

"No, he does wonder if you're going to come back for a visit. He's mentioned it to me a few times already. And, I don't know, I just think it would be nice for you to come for Smith's Day, especially since, in case you've forgotten, you didn't come home this summer."

"You know I took a summer course… and it's the last year of undergrad. I've got a ton on my plate."

And we don't? Catelyn almost said, but Lysa was doing that thing where she feigned disinterest to get others off her back. It was her own way of needling, of pushing buttons until she got a reaction. If she got snippy, Lysa would only retaliate back with something snide and it would turn into a whole argument about who triggered who. Catelyn didn't need that, she only wished her sister could hear her out.

"Look, all I'm saying is that Smith's Day falls on a weekend, you can come for a three day thing and then at least you've made your visit and you can finish the semester without thinking about it again." And then go MIA till the end of the school year, she wanted to add.

"Right, maybe. We'll see," Catelyn could hear something rustling in the background again and then something like a murmur. Her eyebrows drew in close in confusion, she didn't know that Lysa has someone with her when she called. When she opened her mouth to ask, her sister then said, "I have to go. I'll think about it and let you know. Tell Uncle Brynden I said hi."

"Lysa—," the dial tone blared loudly in her ear, annoying her enough that she slammed the phone down onto the counter. She had half a mind to call again and tell her sister off for how childish she was being. Did Lysa really think she enjoyed having to be the middle man? That hiding away in King's Landing was the right course of action? Like she thought she would never return to the Riverlands and face her family and their questions over the purposeful distance she had put?

"Hey, Cat, you coming?" Edmure had come back into the kitchen, "they're complaining."

"Yeah," Catelyn turned to her brother, nodding and then following him out the kitchen with the rest of the plates.

In the dining room Catelyn found her father and uncle deep in discussion over Uncle Brynden's most recent visit to the Twins. Back when the Incident happened, her father had wanted to be the one to travel, thinking it more useful for him to be in person when any discussions or meetings happened. It had taken their entire family to convince him he didn't need the stress and Brynden was prepared enough to act as representative. Though it didn't stop him spontaneously deciding he would accompany his brother during a few of his trips.

Now with the lawyers decided on and beginning their work, their uncle had been called back home. Catelyn wished her father and uncle would wait until the next day to debrief, in the office preferably, but worried more that Uncle Brynden was tired from his late flight in. She shook her head as the two of them talked; with their voices naturally loud, they sounded like they were arguing.

"Well, when news did reach out that you got Arryn representing," Uncle Brynden said, "it caused enough noise that Walder sent his idiot sons to see if we would be interested in mediation."

"Too late for that. They're scared now, aren't they?" her father chuckled, "which ones did he send?"

"Jared—"

"Arrogant prick."

"—and Symond."

"Annoying prick. What did you tell them?"

"That I'd rather jump into the Green Fork than put anyone through that."

Catelyn sighed as the two of them laughed uproariously over the unfunny joke, only smiling when she made eye contact with Edmure, who rolled his eyes at the two.

She cleared her throat while she began to make her plate. "Would you two mind refraining from mentioning the Freys while we're having dinner?"

Brynden's laughter died down first, and settling back into his chair he gave her an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry Cat. You're right. We shouldn't try to spoil our appetites. Now tell me, how's it been over on this side of the river?"

Catelyn stayed quiet as her father and Edmure began to share some updates over the past month. It ranged from the success they had in obtaining the new freight ships to the sad news that this year's company New Year's party would not be held at Darry's, as was tradition. They discussed the little things too; listening as Brynden gave a detailed account to his last trip to Seagard where he broke a personal record over how much crab he had in one sitting, while Edmure complained about his classes. It was as normal a dinner as they'd ever had.

"I had no idea," Brynden stopped cutting into his steak to look around the table, "but Ned Stark is here with Arryn? How's that been going?" Thankfully her father answered.

"He does his job. Well prepared… Orderly enough," he then scowled, "and he doesn't wear ties." He moved his hand in a sweeping motion around his neck and then before he could think more about it, he waved it dismissively, shaking his head at the nerve a young professional could have not wearing a tie.

"Hoster," Brynden let out a deep guffaw, "not everyone is as old-fashioned as you. I think we can allow him that indiscretion considering he's come with Arryn to clean up our mess."

"Not a mess we've created," her father corrected, "just one we've got caught in."

"He's been nice to me," Edmure chimed in, "he helped me figure out a jam with the second floor printer."

"There's a problem with that one again? Why won't you tell IT already?"

As her father and Edmure fell into their own conversation, Brynden turned his attention to Catelyn. She could feel his eyes on her and gave a tight smile at the raise of his eyebrows when she made eye contact. "And how has it been seeing him around?" He asked, his voice low enough not to draw her father's attention.

"Good," she answered, shifting in her seat under his sharp eye. "Not that I've seen him around much."

"Oh? I thought you'd be running into each other plenty."

"No, not really," she moved around some of the food on her plate, and then like she couldn't help herself, said, "not at all actually."

"You haven't spoken to him yet?" The surprise was clear in her uncle's tone.

"Jon and him mostly stay with dad and in the meeting rooms. It's not like I had a chance to come across them," Catelyn shrugged, but she could hear how terrible of an excuse that was. She almost wanted to kick herself over practically admitting that she'd been avoiding him.

"Right," her uncle nodded and turned to the others to be pulled into a discussion about the usefulness of their IT department, but there was something in his manner that told Catelyn their conversation wasn't done.

It would continue after dinner, with Edmure on dish duty and her father tied up in a work call, Brynden had called her out to the front porch where they were greeted with the early autumn air. It was still warm enough in the Riverlands that the summer bugs were around; the sound of cicadas a welcome filler to the stiff silence Catelyn had fallen into since dinner.

"So… how've you really been?" Her uncle grunted as he lowered himself onto the porch steps, plopping down at the top and patting the spot next to him. Catelyn followed and wrapped her cardigan tighter around her body, she didn't need it with how warm it was, but she wasn't a fan of the late night mosquitoes.

She didn't know where to start or how to explain the mess of feelings that had taken up all her head space for the past few days.

"Off-kilter," she settled on and he chuckled. She leaned forward, wrapping her arms around her legs and looked out over the rivers. Their family home was in the oldest part of town, situated at the junction of the Tumblestone and the Red Fork. Catelyn loved it with her whole heart; no matter how irritating the neighborhood's fishers were around trout season or how they were warned every year that the rivers would finally flood the area clean. "It felt strange seeing him out of nowhere."

"I bet."

It was her uncle's attempt at giving her space to talk, and maybe that was why it felt easier to talk to him at times more than her father. Uncle Brynden had more patience to hear you out, even if he ended up telling you how dead wrong you are.

"I swear I'm not avoiding him." A lie, a badly told one too, and one she couldn't understand why she was sticking to. "Work is hectic and it feels like the entire business is in an uproar about the ball finally rolling on this Frey problem. I…haven't even seen him passing in the hallway. Not even Jon."

"Well, little cat, can't say it's not hard. We've been busy with all that's been happening. I know for myself even, it feels like my time is eaten away with all this going back and forth.

"But," and he took a pause, let out a breath, trying to find his words and how best to say them, "as far away as you feel from what happened… I believe we owe it to the other person to be as fair as we can, even if it just comes as acknowledging one another."

You both lost Brandon, is what she knew he wanted to add. Her uncle, for all his bluntness, was as soft as springtime mud. She appreciated his want for her to be in a good place with Brandon's family, but she almost wanted to tell him it wasn't necessary. That what kept her away from them, what forced her to move on, wasn't sadness or grief, and she knew he wouldn't appreciate that.

"Didn't Hoster bring you by at some point?"

She shook her head, unwilling to admit that her father probably preferred that she was keeping her distance, but Uncle Brynden probably already knew that.

"When was the last time you saw him? It was the funeral, wasn't it?"

"Uh, yeah," she nodded, sitting up straight. Another lie, but one that came so naturally. One that was easily explained by the fact that she was never close to any of Brandon's family. There had been no reason to keep up with them after the funeral.

"Maybe it's a good time to reconnect." At that, Brynden rose from his seat, and turned to head back. She smiled up at him, making no plan to move from her spot. She just wanted space to be alone. He kissed her on the crown of her head and patted it afterwards before he stepped inside.

Catelyn stayed out longer than she should have. Even with her cardigan, mosquitoes made a feast of her arms, and her hair began to frizz around her head, getting damper with the midnight humidity and annoying her enough she felt the need to wipe her hairline every few minutes in an attempt to press down the frizz. But it was peaceful, she had to admit, something she needed.

As much as she didn't want to, her uncle's question had her thinking of the funeral. How awkward it had been, how much she hated every moment, how her thoughts had been consumed more with Brandon's living family than with him.

-----

It was a horrible affair. Miserable and never ending though it had been a short service.

The days following the news of Brandon and his father's death had been unreal. Catelyn had felt stuck and frozen. She spent all her time in her room, thinking about her last conversation with Brandon over and over until she went half-crazed. Her family tried to give her space in their own busybody ways; one moment asking her if she needed anything to then leaving her alone for about an hour before checking in again, and hiding the newspapers with any mention of Brandon or turning off the TV when a segment about the accident was being shown.

When she told them to let it be, that it was one of the most high-profile car crashes in recent years and the news would run the story into the ground until the moment Brandon and his father were buried, they asked her when the funeral was and she had to admit she didn't know anything.

It had taken her too long to getting around to trying to contact Eddard. To her surprise, when she opened her email inbox in the attempt of getting his contact information from one of Brandon's friends, she found Eddard had already sent her an email. One with an apology for not reaching out sooner, with the details of the funeral service, and an invitation to stand vigil with him and his siblings as per their customs. She had read it only once, composing a reply that she understood things were hectic for his family, that she and her family would be there, and that hopefully he could understand that she would not like to be part of the vigil. She had stared at her screen for what felt like an hour once she hit reply before turning off the computer and going to take her first shower in several days.

Catelyn and her family arrived to the funeral, all cold and all feeling varying degrees of uncomfortable with Northern customs. While her family were doing their best to blend in, Catelyn had felt more nervous than ever before. It was her first time since the engagement announcement that she would see his family all together. Even before Brandon passed, she had only met each member less than a handful of times. His father barely left Winterfell, let alone the North, and his siblings were spread throughout Westeros for their schooling and visited him once or twice a year, at most.

The funeral was the first time she'd see more than two Starks together in one place and—

And it had been devastating. Inside the Winterfell manor she was greeted with the sight of the remaining Starks standing by their father and brother's caskets. She had forced her way through the massive crowd (and gods, there had been so many people) to get to them so she could offer her formal condolences. She would never forget how stoic Eddard had been, the living representation of the coldness of the North. Though he looked more tired and ragged than a twenty-five year old should he wore grief distantly and calmly, like he was unaffected, greeting people with his polite demeanor.

How could he just stand there? Next to the bodies of his brother and father and host a funeral?

"Don't feel like you can't stand with us," he had told her when he shook her hand (his was warm but calloused, she remembered, and that she found it a little funny a lawyer's hands were so rough). Catelyn only shook her head in response and without another word, he moved on to greet her father.

Next to him were Lyanna and Benjen, faring far worse than their brother. Lyanna only nodded when Catelyn spoke; refusing to say anything or let her hands relax from the fists they were curled into, until Benjen suddenly started to cry. It was then that she moved, turning to her little brother to pat his head and let him cry into her shoulder.

Catelyn had looked over to Eddard who had turned his attention to them, and still, that cold demeanor held on his face. But… his eyes gave him away. His grey eyes that suddenly looked cloudy and lighter. From that alone, Catelyn knew, underneath the front he had put up, he was heartbroken.

Benjen's crying had made her uncomfortable. As soon as her family finished speaking with Eddard, she rushed them away, made them stand in the back while the service started, unable to bear being anywhere near the siblings. Edmure had been curious over why she wasn't a part of the funeral, but she had only hushed him quiet. She didn't want to explain that it was her choice, that she felt strange taking a space next to the grieving family, like a fraud. Catelyn couldn't even tell how she'd react, with Lyanna and Benjen so obviously hurt next to her, with Eddard who put on a face of distant coldness. She didn't belong there, she decided, not with them and not there, next to those bodies.

And when it had been over— after Eddard's speech, the trek from the manor to their family's crypts on the estate, the candles that had been lit in memory— Catelyn and her family went to their hotel to get ready for their early morning flight home, all of them feeling the insistent urge to leave as soon as possible.

It wasn't until that night that she realized she didn't shed a single tear since hearing that Brandon died.

-----

Even with Uncle Brynden's gentle pushing, Catelyn found there was simply no way to get into the path of Eddard Stark. There were some mornings she would sit at her desk and try to come up with a plan to naturally bump into him in the halls or when she knew he'd be in her father's office. Jon and Eddard had commandeered one of the meeting rooms as their home office, going straight there from morning to afternoon and only coming out for lunch. There had been a few times she had seen him heading somewhere and she had half a mind to follow him, to just call out his name and be done with it. She always stopped herself though, when she thought about it for more than two seconds and thought she was being too much.

Though she did feel better when she finally met Jon. It had been far easier to speak to him when Jon and her father had passed her in the hallway one day. The conversation was short and polite, and Jon had made no comment about his partner even though he must have known their connection. For that Catelyn was grateful, and it had made her feel more ready, more brave, to come across Eddard. She just didn't expect to get yell when she did run into him.

"Eddard!" she choked his name out, surprised to find him in the meeting room, and wincing when she bumped her shoulder into the door, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to barge in." Catelyn looked from side to side in the conference room and realized he was alone in the room. She couldn't tell if she should have relieved or not about that.

"Catelyn," he responded, doing a double take from the paperwork he was reviewing. Though he sounded far more calm than she did, he did seem startled, like he never would have expected to have run into her at her place of work. He stood then, awkwardly rising from his seat like he had to remind himself he should greet her.

"I, uh, only meant to come by and drop off some things for my father. I thought… he was in a different meeting. "

"No, he and Jon are in your father's office. They're discussing some logistics further, so I stayed behind to organize for tomorrow."

Catelyn nodded, not taking the chance to move from where she stood, and Eddard decided to stay standing. She couldn't tell what either of them were waiting for as an awkward silence settled between them. If it had been anyone else, she would have taken the silence as her cue to leave, would have made an excuse about a task waiting for her, but there was something about him that made her stuck to the spot.

Maybe, she thought, it was how he was acting. Cool and detached. That after the initial surprise of seeing her, he was actually unbothered by her presence. He busied himself by collecting his papers and she took the chance to look him over— in a suit similar to the same time she saw him except this one a darker grey; his hair in a bun that was beginning to lose shape, with a few loose strands that framed his long face; and… no tie. She almost snorted, but kept herself silent by pursing her lips.

There was a part of her that couldn't believe how much of a frightened worm she was acting.

"I feel like I've been hiding away," she paused, almost cringing. He paused from his task and instead of asking her what she meant, he only looked at her. She regretted even opening her mouth for how silly she sounded. "I just mean, I knew you've been around. I should have come by. So, I'm sorry."

"There's no need," he raised a hand and shook his head.

"No, I've been rude—"

"Really," Eddard set his stony grey eyes on her and she couldn't help but stop talking, "it's okay. You're busy and not obligated to come find me just to… say hi, of all things." He sighed then, his eyes shifting away for a second before he continued, "besides, I get that this is all a little awkward."

Catelyn knew what he was doing. As quiet as Eddard Stark was, he was just as unsubtle. In his own way, he was giving her an out. That if she wanted, she could ignore him or pretend that they were nothing more than strangers; not almost in-laws. It would be easy, she knew. They were never close enough to even consider themselves acquaintances and the connective thread between them, Brandon, was gone.

But there was something in Catelyn's head telling her to push forward. At least be cordial with him, that would be the right thing to do. The idea of him just allowing her to walk away felt the tiniest bit bothersome, like a challenge he unknowingly threw at her.

"Well, still, I hope I'm not making it more awkward."

"Not at all. It honestly feels that I should be sorry to be here…"

Eddard's head tilted to the side, like he was still pondering her words, before his lips pulled back in what seemed like a thin, half-grimace. Catelyn raised an eyebrow, about to question what was wrong, when she realized that he was trying to give her a smile. If this was his attempt to assure her, she couldn't believe how terrible he was at it.

"Sorry?" Catelyn almost scoffed, "I doubt you had any choice in the matter. I can't see how appealing it would have been to want to leave the Vale." She may have forgotten where he worked, but the little Catelyn did remember was that he spent most of his life in the Eyrie.

"Yes," he let out a humorless huff, "the Riverlands is definitely a different sort of place."

"And," she waved her hand in the direction of her father's office, "I'm sure my father is keeping you both busy. I think you guys don't realize just how much of a mess you've agreed to take on."

"Not a mess. Just a little complicated."

"I'm sure you'll take care of it in no time."

"You would be surprised by how long these cases can go on for."

They fell into silence. Again. Catelyn shifted her weight between her feet, trying to figure out what to say next and coming up blank.

She remembered that this was Brandon's biggest pet peeve of his brother's, his concise way of talking, like he spoke only with the express purpose of ending the conversation. It was something Brandon had complained about more than a handful of times; just how quiet Eddard could be and the amount of work he had to do to get his brother to share his thoughts. How exhausting, she thought, unable to help but feel a little annoyed over his unwillingness to talk. Catelyn had questions, plenty of them, over their plan and how they're going to beat the Freys into the ground. Though he usually kept her up to date with everything happening in the company, lately her father only shared a few details when she asked. As much as she knew he was only trying to be careful over how much information is shared, she wanted to know everything.

"Well, I hope you guy can help," she offered, wanting to just be done. She wanted nothing more than to just leave, to go back to her desk and bury her head in her work.

"I hope so too," he answered softly.

Catelyn smiled then. It was small, unsure and hesitant, but she found she appreciated what he said. "I'll see you around then."

He nodded and went back to shuffling the paperwork. Catelyn took only one more second, watched him focus on his mundane task, before making herself leave the room.

She shut the door behind her, pausing for a moment to let out a deep breath. It was done and as awkward as it was, how it felt only like a half conversation, she could now continue on with her life and not be plagued with the shadow of Eddard Stark in her office. Running into him in the future wouldn't be as bad as whatever happened inside that room. Catelyn was comforted by the idea that he would work and when him and Jon were done with their job, they'd leave Riverrun and that would be that.

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