saph-writes

[saph-writes]

A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats - Chapter 7

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Words: 17940

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,

“Did you hear about what happened to the Queen?”

“Such a tragedy… just when they were on their way to a meeting in Colluhira… do you think they made the trip to keep up appearances?”

“Perhaps. She hasn’t been in the public eye for years after all. I heard the castle is on lockdown. They haven’t even let the Liberora family leave.”

“No, you fool, that’s because the transportation station is undergoing maintenance.”

“If the worst truly comes to fruition, will Princess Hiumi be able to take over? The King has been absent recently as well…”

“She is going to have to. She has been taking her parents’ places in meetings as of late, such as the Liberora negotiation, so it isn’t out of the question. At least until the Prince becomes of soulmate age.”

“How many more years does he have anyways?”

“4 years I believe.”

“4 years, huh? To not have a mother and father during those crucial years… truly a tragedy, isn’t it?”

The words and chatter of the townspeople could be heard from every corner of the town, barely overshadowed by the laughter and play of unsupervised kids running across the paths. Occasionally, shop vendors yelled back some words of scorn, but the kids were already long gone past another building before they could hear it at all.

Funnily enough, those were the only two sounds that could be prominently heard, and the only two groups of people that continued their day normally. Besides them, silence permeated the air. Quick glances around from the townspeople showed their anxiety, and hushed whispers feigned empty concern. Their eyes could barely be seen, only directed either to the ground or to their conversation partner, who was likely family or their soulmate.

Bachira wondered for a moment if there was a need for him to be in disguise at all, since not a single person stared at him for longer than a second other than some vendors who did a double-take at an unfamiliar face. He grabbed the edges of his coat and covered part of his face with it.

At least the feeling of not being paid any attention was refreshing and allowed Bachira to freely move without concern and, in turn, express the worry that festered in his chest.

“Hyoma, wanna come with me to the town? I’ve been itching to get some fresh air.”

“No, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? I’ll make sure we don’t get caught.”

“I told you, it’s fine. Just go on without me.”

Hyoma had said that, but he didn’t appear as calm as he pretended to. His fingers fumbled with the edges of his pillow while he read his book, and several times, he’d stare at a page for too long, turn to the next, then return and repeat the cycle.

“Was it really the right choice to leave him alone…?” Bachira mumbled to himself. A child brushed past his legs, giggling with blissful ignorance.

Maybe I should buy something for him…, he thought.

But just as he was considering what Hyoma would like, trying to recollect their conversations from the morning and staring at the rows of trinkets displayed in the booths lined up on either side of the busy market, another person brushed past him.

It was not a child, but a lady, just a few inches shorter than the disguise he had placed on himself, and she was covered in a cloak. Her pinkish red hair stuck out sorely from its dark color. Such a sight could be deemed suspicious by anyone if it weren’t for the infectious distraction that plagued the crowd. Even the guards weren’t fully focused, the few that were left after the order for nearly all of them to return to the castle was given.

Bachira looked back at the lady. She weaved through the middle of the crowd easily then went to the right edge of the path, consequently beside a booth with a significantly thicker crowd and a stressed vendor. Curious, Bachira walked a few steps forward to take a better look at her and, so quick that he hardly noticed, she stuck a hand out of her cloak, grabbed a fruit from the side of the vendor’s display, then tucked it back in. The next second, she was gone, disappearing into the dark alley between the buildings that the booths were stationed in front of.

No one noticed, and if she hadn’t brushed past him, he wouldn’t have either. Luckily, with so few guards, the chances of her getting caught are low. Guards are famously aggressive with thieves.

She’s probably trying to feed herself.

With that, Bachira decided to continue walking.

But doing so required him to discard the only interesting thing he encountered and be tossed back into the boring scene of the town. The suffocating attention of royal staff, guards, and enamoured townspeople was hard to stomach, but the atmosphere of the town felt even worse. It was difficult to ignore the passiveness of the people who walked the paths, not sparing a glance up, whose eyes averted when they saw a guard with yet another child, dragging them by the arm. Even among the crowds busy with people, an immeasurable distance was placed between everyone. This was a small town, relatively, but there was hardly a community.

There were simply swarms of people, trying to ignore the others’ existence.

Bachira looked up at the white sun cast directly overhead. It pressed weakly today.

It’s time to go back already…

“Hey you.”

Bachira felt a hand grab him. It was a guard. Luckily he was in disguise, so the guard didn’t recognize him as the prince. After all, he wasn’t even allowed to be out. The guard looked at him sternly.

“Soulmark, sir.”

“For what?”

“Routine inspection.”

“You’re not doing it to anyone else.” It was true. Bachira had seen this guard earlier in fact. He had felt his gaze. The guard was standing in his station, not moving in the slightest. He only moved to confront Bachira. Maybe he saw him following the woman. On that note, he looked back to see where she was but she was gone. Damn it.

Bachira also saw a few glances directed towards him. When he turned back, the soldier’s frown had only grown deeper.

“This is my last warning. Show me your soulmark or I will have to take you into custody.”

“Is that all? I would have thought a strong and big guard like yourself would have more than just a weak threat.”

Bachira gave the guard a grin that stretched from ear to ear.

“Maybe I’ll let you. If you take me in, would you let me see the sick Queen for myself?”

Anger flared in the guard’s eyes, clearly not appreciative of being mocked. Almost immediately, his hand went for his sword on his hip, the hand he had been holding Bachira’s shoulder with.

Bachira took advantage of his oversight and bolted into the crowd. He hunched over and ran under the sea of arms and heads intertwined in the mess. Some townspeople made a second glance but far too many of them were too distracted and too used to the running and playing of children in the square. At least for today. Bachira thanked the Gods for the guards’ impulsive resorts to violence, which went exactly as the rumors said. In the distance, the guard’s frustrated curses rang loudly but after just a few dozen feet, they faded into the commotion of noon.

Bachira laughed into the sky. This is what he loved. The wind pressing against his face and the destruction that proved his free will.

After running for a while and feeling himself run out of breath, he ducked into an alleyway to settle down. His heartbeat pulsed in his ears and adrenaline made his skin shiver in suspense. He took a few deep breaths then walked over to sit behind one of the town’s many abandoned buildings. The guards must be still far behind him, so he had a few minutes to savor.

However, just as he began to relax, a loud commotion erupted behind him. Then, an explosion followed.

“A monster!”

Bachira felt his blood run cold. A monster attack?, he thought. Today? At this hour? His ears, which still had adrenaline and his racing heartbeat pulsing inside it, were now filled with the screams of the townspeople, who knew this sight too well. Their desperate running shook the ground violently.

However, just as Bachira got up to help hold off the attack, his shoulders were seized again. A group of guards were with him now, but it might as well be copies of the same person. Stern eyes, shiny armor, big muscled body, and short/buzzed hair. At the same time, Bachira recognized the guard from before, the one he had mocked, standing amongst them, with the ghost of a smile on his face.

What the fuck are they doing? Why aren’t they helping defeat the monster?

Bachira wanted to run away but his feet stayed firmly on the ground. In fact, his whole body stayed stiff, frozen in the air. A freeze spell. Not a single guard took a glance back to the town roads and it was then that Bachira realized there were no more sounds of destruction, explosions, or roars from the monster itself. Only the screams and running of the townspeople.

There isn’t a monster. They set it all up, Bachira realized with a dry mouth. A child’s cry rippled through the air.

The guard from before started to walk towards him.

Then a thrash whipped through the air. The guard was gone and it was only when Bachira looked down that he saw his limp body on the ground. The other guards with him took a second to realize what happened before their stances went alert. They couldn’t spare a sympathetic glance for the fallen soldier. Their eyes snapped to dark spots behind the trees. All around them, they held their swords out to hold off the attacker.

“Come out before we-!”

Another thrash. Another limp body of a guard fell to the ground.

This time, though, the figure stayed in sight but a dark cloak covered them completely. They held a sword in their hand, dripping with the slightest amount of blood. Bachira realized they had stolen it from the first guard they attacked. A soft magic glow surrounded them.

The other guards had learned their lesson and charged towards the figure, but the figure was quicker. They impaled another guard, disappeared briefly, and went for another one.

Bachira, not able to move an inch, watched the figure zip across the air then disappear as if it was nothing.

A high-level invisibility spell. I can’t even sense them. This is the only kind of spell that royal family members can do. But this kingdom doesn’t have those kinds of demographics. I thought most people here have their soulmarks on their feet…?

In the blur of black the figure appears, a spot of pinkish red flashed for a brief second. A detail easy to miss except for those who had already seen it.

5 out of the 7 guards were down now, but just as the figure aimed for another, one took out a device. Bachira was not close enough to get a good look, but it seemed like the figure did. For as soon as it was pulled out, the figure vanished into thin air.

The two remaining guards, now having abandoned Bachira completely, looked up and down desperately for the figure. Both of their backs turned against him and it was then that a pair of hands grasped Bachira’s shoulders. His body was tugged away and the world went with it.

When Bachira opened his eyes, there was not a dark forest or two measly guards, but a lake. It was a large lake, colored a deep sky blue. Trees surrounded it, but they were not a wilted dead color like the ones near the town. These were the brightest green Bachira had ever seen, with foliage that merely grazed the sky. He reached to touch them and noticed the movement in his body that had been restored to him. He touched his hand, legs, arms, and head. Each movement was polished and new.

Bachira blinked and looked around. The person was with him and sure enough, it was the woman he had seen in town. Her hood was down, revealing her rose-colored hair that reached her neck. She was a few feet away, sat on a log, putting something away in her bag that rested in front of her.

The woman didn’t spare him a glance, but that didn’t stop Bachira from staring at her in awe. Guards in Colluhira were especially vicious, at least compared to the ones back home. Not many townspeople have the courage to fight back against one, nor the capabilities to do high-level magic. Yet she took them down like they were nothing. Bachira had never even heard of her.

What was her name? Where is her soulmark? How much more magic does she know? Bachira wanted to ask so many questions, enough to give him goosebumps, but when he opened his mouth, a shiver ran down his spine instead. The aura of this woman, he quickly realized, was not what he initially thought. It was dark, murky, and sticky. It was so foul that if he didn’t have the ability to protect himself from it, he would throw up on the spot. There was something wrong with this woman.

There was only one possibility he could think of, but the thought stifled the excitement in his throat.

“Are you a monster?” he asked.

The woman stopped. She had walked away and was already halfway to the forest line, but upon hearing Bachira’s words, she remained silent and still.

Bachira’s heartbeat quickened. The danger of what he just said dawned on him and immediately, he got into the position to defend himself. It was something his magic instructor had taught him just recently. In this stance, if she disappeared or stepped closer to him, he was prepared to fire a spell on the spot.

But as he did, his mind whirled with questions. After all, although he was the one who asked, it still made little sense to him. He had witnessed this woman do magic, and high-level magic at that. His gut was telling him this was a monster, but a monster shouldn’t be able to do magic. It was one of their defining characteristics. They lacked a soulmark, so they lacked magic. They were inhuman.

Yet this woman did a high-level spell multiple times, which is only possible for either royal family members or gifted specialists.

But the most unbelievable part of it all…

“Are you going to turn me in?” she asked. She turned around and held her bag, full of food, close to her side.

…was the fact that monsters were cruel and ruthless, yet this woman had saved him and had stolen food to feed herself.

Bachira, the normally talkative and cheerful child, remained silent for a moment. “No,” he finally said. “No, I’m not. I was also sneaking out. I’m not who I appear to be either.”

What gave Bachira confidence to not be afraid was not the fact that this woman had saved him nor that his hypothesis was inconsistent with basic knowledge about monsters. But rather, he knew that if this woman attacked him, despite her capabilities, he was more than powerful enough to utterly defeat her.

So he smiled at her nonchalantly.

Her eyes were stern, but not cold. They had an air of indifference. She looked him up and down and her expression softened. For a second, Bachira noticed inexplicable kindness in her eyes. He stayed on alert but allowed himself to speak freely once again.

“You stayed because you wanted to make sure I was safe, didn’t you?”

The woman did not say a word.

“I appreciate it,” he continued. “They had me cornered so there wasn’t much I could do. I didn’t expect them to stage a whole monster attack though just to catch me. They go to such lengths when their egos are hurt. What’s your name, again? I’d like to remember it to give you my eternal gratitude.”

The woman stayed quiet once again but this time, she looked up to look Bachira in the eyes. “You make yourself look older as a disguise, but you’re young, aren’t you?” she finally said. “You’re no older than a teenager.”

“...So?”

“Don’t put yourself in dangerous situations. It is the job of adults to protect you.”

Her words made Bachira stop. He wasn’t completely sure in his judgement of this woman, but hearing it be confirmed so firmly made him smile wider. He giggled a bit. A kind person really can never hide their kindness. Even if their care is misguided.

“Adults? You don’t have to worry about me, I can defend myself. I appreciate it though! Unlike everyone else, I can feel you really mean that.”

“It does not matter whether you can defend yourself. You still need adults to protect you.”

Admittedly, annoyance began to seep into him, but he kept his smile nonetheless. If anything, it was intriguing. He was hearing the same words spitted out to him for the thousandth time and each time, they made it sound like they were words of comfort, not condescension.

“If I can defend myself, why should adults need to protect me?”

“Because you are the child and they are the adult. Children should never be put in danger.”

“So if I wish to fight back, I should let adults do it for me? Should I stand by and do nothing at all?”

“You will have plenty of time to fight back at the proper age.”

Bachira’s hand twitched. “The proper age? And when is that? When I am 18, stuck with a soulmate for the rest of my life? When I am in the same position you and every other adult are in, compliant and fearful? Why should I trust adults who still live in nothing but fear? So you can tell me to sit quietly and accept that this is just the way things are? To only fight back against what I deem easy enough to fight so I can feel comfort in what I have no control over? Just because you adults have subjected yourself to your fate, you expect me to sit by and accept my own.”

Only when Bachira stopped to take a breath did he realize he was shaking, but he continued anyway.

“All of you are the same. You’re all cowards. If I have to live by any will other than my own, I’d rather die by my own hands.”

Bachira didn’t want to look at the eyes of the woman anymore. The kind eyes that were so ready to tell him to sit by and accept it, even if she was the one who saved him from the guards. If he did, he would spiral into hopelessness that so often marked the death of free will. He hated it. He despised it. These chains that bind him to the ground. He didn’t even want to go back to the castle anymore. There is nothing more he wished than to run far far away, from civilization, from judgement and conformity and order, from the comfort that only lies.

However, he did not get a chance to do anything at all. For before he could let out a breath, he felt himself hit the ground hard.

All of the air was sucked out of his lungs. His vision became dotted and splotchy and prominently, he felt a tightness squeeze around his neck. It took a second for him to realize it was hands and another second to recognize the dark blob above him as the face of the woman. She hardly looked human anymore. Her eyes, once warm, were filled with the ferocity of a beast, tearing into its prey.

His body was no longer his. It thrashed and banged the ground. It screamed for help in pain, but Bachira could not speak or move to help it. The taste of metal was too loud on his tongue and a ringing drenched his ears.

In a moment of desperation, he gasped for air, but nothing came in. Instead, a violent sound erupted from his throat.

The pressure on his neck ceased. All at once, air stormed into his lungs and Bachira coughed painfully. His heartbeat raced in his ears and his body shook violently where he sat, completely unwillingly.

“No.. No, I’m.. I-didn’t mean..”

The woman’s voice.

The ringing of his ears had departed and when Bachira looked up, his blurry vision focused on the woman standing in front of him. Her ferocity was gone, utterly gone. In its place, an expression contorted into disbelief and hopelessness took over, and when her eyes landed on him, it turned into earth-crashing guilt and horror.

“...Kunigami. I…”

The woman slammed her hand onto her mouth and her eyes were immensely wide.

She fled into the forest, pulling her hood over her head and grabbing the bag by the log. Bachira didn’t even have time to recover and call after her. She was gone in mere seconds. However, something had dropped from her bag. Something long, thin, and pointed.

Bachira coughed again and clutched his neck in pain as he moved to stand up. The imprint of her hands lingered still. Staggering, he went over to see what she had dropped.

It was a stick. The texture was soft and rubbery and it ran the length of his forearm. One end was thinner than the other and ran up to a dull point.

What is this? Bachira coughed again, but despite his daze, he clutched the stick close to him. He settled to return to the castle, not only because Yuu was probably waiting for him, but because he knew the libraries there were expansive. There must be something there that could tell him what this item was.

Bachira looked around at his location. He spotted a tower nearby, an abandoned guard tower. If he snuck to the top with his invisibility spell, he’d be able to find a path back to the castle with the bird’s eye view. But first, he needed to disguise the bruise that was likely present on his neck and to do so, he needed to gather his energy.

Bachira took a few steps forward, settling on the best walk pattern that wouldn’t drain even more energy out of him, and started his journey back.

However, his confrontation with the woman continued to linger in his mind and most importantly, the look in her eyes. It endlessly confused him and planted seeds of doubt into his previous knowledge. Admittedly, he was ready to discard his previous hypothesis that she was a disguised monster. Not only did it not make any sense, but the woman was so kind. It was more like he refused to believe it. Even if his gut told him otherwise.

But there was no doubt about it. Those eyes that were above him, choking him, they were inhuman. They were a monster’s eyes. But if that was the case, why did she save him? Why was she so insistent to change his mind and show him comfort and why, most importantly, did she become violent so quickly? It was like something in her snapped that dissipated all of the warmth she emulated.

Bachira didn’t know the answer and the more he thought, the more upset he became. So he aggressively shook his head and bit his lip hard.

But he couldn’t get the sight out of his head. Not of her beastly eyes, not of her dark figure that resembled that of a predator, not of the pressure he still faintly felt on his neck. But most importantly, he could not forget the sight of her afterwards.

For her hopeless horrified eyes were just as human as the townspeople’s screams those guards were so quick to utilize to their advantage.

~

When Bachira arrived at the castle, as suspected, guards swarmed the area. Their uniformity to behave like ants would be chilling if it wasn’t expected and amusing to the boy. Heads turned side to side then monotone marching in a line. It appeared oddly similar to the training done for the guard apprentices, which combined with the Queen’s state, Bachira wouldn’t be surprised if it was given as the excuse for this ordeal.

But he didn’t need to worry about the guards. Just the other day, during Hyoma’s tour, he spotted something curious in the garden’s fence. He snuck around the perimeter of the castle through the forest and after what felt like an eternity, he finally arrived at the bed of flowers and plants. In the far edge of the garden, the fence had a small, mouse-sized hole at the bottom of it.

Normally, teleportation into the castle would be child’s play, even with its weak magic barrier. He had even tested this the other day, when Hyoma was distracted. The castle of Colluhira wasn’t too different from the castle of Liberora. However, Bachira realized earlier that morning the barrier was stronger than usual. The castle lockdown restricted magic use inside significantly, even for royalty. The only people who could break through would likely be the one who had placed it.

So he was left with this option. The mouse-sized hole before him.

Bachira gathered a bit of magic in his hand. For him, he preferred to create a visual for his magic, even if it was not technically visible. Therefore, his favorite spell was by far were Illusio spells, or spells that manipulated one’s senses to create the illusion of something that was not there. It played with the eyes of humans and the nerves on their skin to create the sight and touch of something nonexistent. As a result, although magic was technically invisible and used the life energy of the user, in Bachira’s hands, his magic was sticky and a warm yellow and dripped in his hands.

He moved his magic in the air like a liquid and drenched himself in it. But he didn’t make it wet. The spell draped over him and the illusion of a disguise was created to transform him from a boy of average height to the size of a mouse. He had turned his magic from an illusio spell to a robur spell: robuata.

He snuck under the fence through the hole and kept his tiny form as he scurried over to the castle, through the ever so tiny crack of the entrance he left open. As expected, guards were still stationed in front of the door, but due to his illusio spell, they couldn’t see that the door was slightly ajar. It wasn’t until Bachira squirmed his way through and knocked the door closed behind him that he lifted the spell, and the two guards jolted in surprise at the bang of the heavy door closing. Bachira giggled.

He ran across the hallway, overrun with guards and officials, until he got to one of the servant’s passageways. He quickly snuck into the hidden space and undid the spell. It took him several minutes to catch his breath. Should’ve used an Illusio spell for the running part, he thought wearily to himself, Robuata always takes so much energy….

“So this is how you’ve been sneaking off.”

Bachira jumped in surprise.

He turned around to find Yuu standing right behind him, leaning against the wall. She had a disapproving look on her face and her hair was tied up behind her. She wore an unfamiliar dress, likely one she had to borrow from the extensive guest wardrobe. “We’re leaving later this afternoon,” she said, closing her eyes with a sigh. “So do not get yourself in any more trouble.”

“They fixed the station already?” Bachira blurted out.

“The damage was minor. You’re lucky your stunt didn’t ruin it any further.”

Ah, she figured me out.

However, instead of responding with anger, Yuu simply sighed again. She stepped closer to place a hand on Bachira’s head and ruffled his hair. “You know, you could have just told me you wanted to stay longer.” Her hand moved down to rest on his shoulder and her thumb rubbed in circles.

Bachira quickly realized how tired he truly was and moved to lean against her. Her body was warm and comforting, like a sun trapped in a blanket. “I know,” he said.

Yuu stayed silent for a moment.

“I know the world feels unfair,” she finally said. “But it would be easier if you let us help you. You’re not alone, Meguru. If you ever need anything, I’m right here, okay?”

A pressure squeezed itself into Bachira’s throat. Tension wrapped around his chest. His mind returned to the sight of just an hour ago, the woman in the cloak whose words didn’t match her expression and eyes changed appearances. His own words, while freeing before, only manifested as a pit in the bottom of his stomach. He couldn’t look Yuu in the eyes, so he shifted his eyes down, and nodded silently.

But the weight didn’t ease. He caught sight of Yuu’s soulmark, located on the base of her neck, and the chain that disappeared to her back as it connected it to the soulmark of her soulmate. Although the sight of it was unavoidable, Bachira had never liked looking at it.

Because his soulmark was in the same spot and most likely, he would have the same drawing of that chain magically appear the day of his soul ceremony. It was a reminder of the future that has been laid out for him, an unavoidable fate in which he’d have to fight the world itself to defeat.

He pressed his head against it.

If I wanted to go against the world, would you help me?

Those were the words Bachira wanted more than anything to say. He would have blurted it out, if it weren’t for the lump trapped in his throat.

Suddenly, the secret door to the servants’ passageway creaked open. A young servant boy entered, but as soon as he spotted Yuu and Bachira, his face went red. He quickly scurried behind them, throwing words of apologies under his breath.

“Well,” Yuu said, clearing away the tension in the air, “how was it? Did you have fun with the Chigiri prince yesterday? Hyoma, I believe his name was?”

Finally, Bachira drew a chuckle. “Yeah.. He’s fun! Different from the kids back home. He showed me all around the castle, and even to a garden just like the one back home. He was even able to get along with Isagi! Isn’t that crazy?”

“The guard boy? Ah, he is always serious, isn’t he? I’m still skeptical that this ‘radiant laugh’ you claim he has is actually real, I have never seen the boy so much as smile.”

“He does! I’ll make him laugh next time you see him, just wait.”

“Hehe, alright, alright. Just don’t make fun of him, okay?”

“Now why would I do that~”

Yuu laughed and she patted Bachira on the head once more. She leaned her weight against him. Although she is normally more relaxed and carefree than the heads of many other royal families, it is only with her family that she’d show this side of herself. Her love was infectious, and although she loved her soulmate very much, her greatest pride rested in her son. “Smile, my Meguru,” she said. “Life is too wonderful not to.” It was a saying of hers she loved to say.

So, Bachira smiled and laughed with her.

“I’m happy you had fun,” Yuu said. “Don’t forget to thank Hyoma for being with you before we leave, okay? I’m going to go to a meeting so please, stay in Hyoma’s room. Or the guest bedroom. Or just anywhere that is not the halls.”

“Can’t make any promises~”

“Well, you better.” She kissed Bachira on the forehead and exited the passageway out of the servants’ door.

“....’kay.” Bachira finally said. The woman’s stick was still hidden under his shirt, poking into his ribs. Right, he realized. That was what I was doing…

He pondered over his options. Maybe he should do what Yuu said and go back to Hyoma’s room. He could find some books about magic items there on his bookshelf. He knew the castle had a library, but from what Hyoma told him, it was not accessible through the servants’ passageway he was in now.

Plus, he felt the need to check up on Hyoma, just to see how he was doing.

He turned around away from the servants’ secret door and faced the endless halls of where the servants snuck about. It looked like a labyrinth, in which the few servants’ that were allowed out of their rooms tiptoed quickly on their way.

Bachira instinctively gathered some magic in his hand to perform a spell that would help him navigate his way through the passageways, but found that nothing appeared. Ah, right, the magic barrier, he thought. So he resigned himself to simply finding his way on his own. However, when he was about to turn his first corner, a head of pink hair obstructed his vision. The figure yelped.

Bachira stumbled back, then rubbed his eyes to clear his vision. “Hyocchi?”

Hyoma was standing by one of the passageways, just hidden away from his sight a few minutes ago. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced and his posture made him seem smaller, although Bachira didn’t know if that was just his own eyes tricking him. But what stood out to him the most was the desolate murkiness in Hyoma’s aura, one that dripped to the ground and wholly new. It was so sad, Bachira felt like he was going to cry. But the aura disappeared almost as soon as he noticed it and Chigiri stood up straighter like it never existed.

“Ah, Meguru…”

“Woah, I didn’t see you there at all, sorry! Were you planning on sneaking out too?”

Chigiri shook his head. He was quiet and his movements were off. It didn’t take a genius magic user to see it. But Bachira kept his mouth shut and smiled, opting instead to observe closely. It was not his place to comment on it. Yet, he couldn’t shake off a question that popped into his head, one that lingered even after Chigiri offered to show him the way back and kept the murkiness he sensed earlier at the forefront of his mind.

How long had he been standing there…?

When they arrived, Bachira plopped down on the rug. His own bedroom back home was much bigger, but Hyoma’s had a homier atmosphere. It was very well-kept and organized, whereas his was constantly littered from top to bottom. In the middle of the room, where the bed, drawers, and desk were pushed to the walls, a huge rug with an intricate design of the kingdom’s seal laid across the floor. It was as soft as a blanket, so Bachira laid back on it, only to be reminded of the stick that poked painfully into his stomach.

He sat back up and looked around. Chigiri had sat back on his bed, the same position that Bachira had seen him before he left, and picked up the book he was reading from his nightstand. In front of the bed, next to where Bachira was sitting, a wide bookshelf stood tall with many books from different topics. But the one Bachira was the most concerned with, and the one that was coincidentally right at eye-level, was the section on magic items.

He shuffled over and picked out a leather book with gold-colored lettering on its spine titled “Spell Tools: A Centrubian Guide on Soul-Enhancing Equipment”. He began to gloss over the table of contents.

I sense a magic aura from this stick, so it must be a magic item. But I’ve never heard of an item that a monster could use. It must function without a soulmark. There are only a few categories of items capable of that, so it must be one of-

“Meguru, are you planning on getting your soulmate?”

Bachira, who was moving his fingers across the spines of the books, stopped. For a few seconds, the room stayed deathly still until Bachira chuckled softly. “What are you talking about, Hyocchi? Everyone already has a soulmate.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“Then what do you mean?”

“I’m asking you. Are you going to accept your soulmate?”

“That’s like asking if I can accept that the sun will rise and fall in the evening. Even if I don't, it will happen anyway.”

“And you’ll let it?”

“Do you know of a better alternative?”

Chigiri didn’t have a response. Bachira kept his eyes on the book but shifted them upwards ever so slightly to see Chigiri’s expression. Like most royalty, it was as guarded as ever. So he decided to push a little further.

“How about you, Hyocchi? Do you want to get a soulmate?”

Not expecting an immediate response, Bachira began to read through the first category he chose. Obice items. The word was taken right from the category of obice spells, spells involving barriers. They are typically used by young kids whose soulmarks are not yet fully formed, so they require very little magic energy.

But as soon as he began to skim the page, to his surprise, Chigiri spoke.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if I have a choice in the end. If our emotions are created by our souls and our souls bind us to our soulmate, they say that whether we like it or not, love will blossom at our soul ceremony. It doesn’t matter if I hate it right now… I’ll forget it all once the time comes. If that’s true, then does anything I feel or think right now truly matter in the end…? Why did the Gods give us free will if the meaning of turning 18 is to give up our desires and feelings for what he has planned for us…? Is my only choice to live and accept that this is just the way things are? If love can only exist in this way… I wish to never experience it…”

Chigiri trailed off, and Bachira couldn’t find any words to respond. Silence draped over the room as Chigiri’s words lingered in the air, the danger of which wouldn’t be realized by him for a couple more seconds. The only sounds present were the chirping of birds the wind carried and the tapping of water droplets left by the rain of the previous night.

Through the glass door of the balcony, sun rays which were previously blocked by the cloudy sky streamed into the room. A part of it hit the side of Chigiri’s face, as he continued staring at his book, his eyes faraway and misty. Bachira watched it, the way the sun reflected off him, because he knew that it was the Gods’ way of responding to his statement.

Finally, the realization caught up to Chigiri and his cheeks grew a deep red blush. He buried himself deeper into the bed, blocking Bachira’s sight with his book. Now, only his soulmark was in view because of the low-rim collar: a pink bird trapped in his skin.

“Ah, sorry, I got carried away,” he mumbled. “Forget what I said.”

Bachira tightened his hands around his book.

“Are you scared, Hyoma?”

Chigiri didn’t say anything for a minute before he shrugged and lowered the book slightly, revealing his gaze to be directed at the wall. “Was it that obvious?”

Once again, Bachira noticed the smallness of Chigiri’s expression, its vulnerability, and he was taken again to that moment in the forest earlier that day, of the expression the woman in the cloak held. When she saved him, she had a similar face. Only now, Bachira recognized it as fear.

It is the job of adults to protect you. Such words were spoken by someone who was afraid, but it was because of their fear that they said it. How many adults had this feeling engraved in their soul and voice and he hadn’t noticed it? How often had he felt it himself? Yet, in every instance he thought back on, from the woman in the cloak saying an unknown name to the tension he experienced himself to Yuu holding him close, they all had a common denominator.

“Do you have someone you love?” Bachira asked.

Chigiri jolted and looked up. The expression, that fear, expanded tenfold, and suddenly Bachira felt the need to clarify what he meant.

“Is it your family? Friends?”

His expression only loosened slightly. Chigiri closed his book and set it on his nightstand. He sat up.

“Why does that matter?”

“You can only be afraid if you have something to lose.”

“Then tell me yours. If you tell me who you love, I’ll tell you mine.”

“That’s easy, I love Yuu, my dad, Isagi, the townspeople here, the townspeople back home, those servants who are clumsy but try their best, the flowers in the garden, the sky, the wind..”

“You love things too easily.”

“If I can choose who I love now, why wouldn’t I choose to love everything?”

The sun rays disappeared under the clouds again. Chigiri only looked bewildered, as if he was told something he had never thought of before. Or something he couldn’t believe. Now with his newfound knowledge, Bachira recognized sadness, fear and, to his surprise., a tinge of envy in his soul.

“So tell me, Hyocchi, how about you? I already told you mine.”

“...not telling.”

“What? But you promised!”

“Yeah, well I lied. It’s your fault for trusting me. Do you regret it?”

Bachira groaned and leaned back on the wall. “No, of course I don’t. If you don’t want to say, that’s fine. But…” He gave a mischievous smile. “In exchange, you have to help me sneak back into the garden.”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because if you don’t, I’ll tell your sister that you hid a forbidden book on your shelves.”

“How did you-?!”

Bachira stood up and waved the book in his hands in the air. Chigiri got up and lunged for it, but Bachira danced around to successfully keep it out of his reach. He laughed at his struggles.

“All books with any mention of Anima spells are forbidden from the 12 kingdoms, did you know? I’m assuming you did, based on your reaction. But don’t worry, I won’t say a thing.” Chigiri reached for it one more time but Bachira swerved around, leaving Chigiri to fall to the floor.

He let out a heavy sigh and scratched his head, “Fine, I’ll do it, just hide it away and don’t tell anyone, also…” He looked up at Bachira. “You know what Anima spells are?”

“Huh? Well, yeah? My teacher knows everything you can imagine about magic and he showed me everything he knew. Though, I guess I don’t blame you, since they’ve done a real good job of hiding these types of spells. You were researching it?”

Chigiri nodded. “Ages ago. But this book didn’t tell me much, only that some weapons were made with Anima spells and they were forbidden as a result.”

Bachira hummed. “Well, that’s because they’re soul spells. Only the most skilled magic users can do them and they have caused many tragedies because of how they can mess with your soul and soulmark. One wrong move and you can even sever your tie with your soulmate forever and turn into a monster.” He opened the book and flipped through it. “That’s what they say at least.”

“Right…” Chigiri said in a low voice.

“Anyways, mind if I keep this?”

“No, it’s the only book about it I have.”

“Come on, please? I can show you where to find more.”

Chigiri's eyes widened. “...Really?”

“Yeah, there are many underground markets where you can find books and items like these in. I’ll tell you my secrets, but first, you have to fulfill your end of the deal.” He waved the book around teasingly.

“...Alright.”

“Great! Now let’s go!” He held the book close to his chest, resolved to shrink it and put it in his pocket once he was outside in the garden. After all, the magic barrier only prevented new spells from being casted, not existing ones.

Bachira grabbed Chigiri's arm to lift him from the ground and went to the door. But as he did, Chigiri stopped. He turned back around, confused.

“Hyocchi?”

“Oh, um, it’s nothing. Sorry.”

Bachira wanted to push further, but kept his mouth enough. He had already pestered him enough. But as the two exited his bedroom and entered the servant’s door that was right next to it, he couldn’t help but notice Chigiri gaze being focused elsewhere. On the hall that stretched to the left. A brigade of guards turned away from them stood in place by a distant door.

It must be the Queen’s door, Bachira realized. The one who’s…

He looked again at Chigiri. His face was hidden away, but when Bachira squeezed his hand, Chigiri squeezed it back.

~

Tei tightened her grip on her left side.

She staggered forward and eventually limped against a nearby tree, only now starting to feel the effects of the fatigue on her body from over an hour of running. Her breaths came out cold as if they were desperately trying to escape her. Fatigue had become unfamiliar to her in her many years as a monster, but the sense of humanity it instilled onto her served as nothing more than a taunt. She had run as hard as she could, but it was no use. The face of that boy, whose youth shone even through his disguise of an older man, was etched into her mind, no matter how much she tried to claw it out.

Her own reaction puzzled her. She was not unfamiliar with terrified gazes. It occurred all the time when she first died and turned into a monster, back when she was still unable to control her form. But now, another memory has taken over the sight.

For she saw nothing else but Kunigami’s terrified face over 7 years ago upon their first meeting, innocent and bare. The memory invoked guilt and debilitated her, making her knees weak and stealing her rationality as she instinctually did all she could to dissipate it. Desperation made its home at the end of her last rope to humanity. The terrified gazes she’d collected only fueled it.

Yet guilt and desperation could only carry so many tears before their exit was exhausted and their only option became to bubble up inside her chest. Until they became a crashing river smashing the sides of her veins, pulling the tide of her mind along with it. This sensation was what she knew intimately as anger.

Anger at the lies allowed to fester, anger at the soldiers who deny those deemed beneath them their personhood, at the townspeople who claim virtue while turning a blind eye. The waves rumbled in her stomach until her body trembled with its undirected stream. Her journey into the town to search for information only further proved to her the mistake her existence was and the tears that continued to well her mind dripped into a vision of red swallowing her sight.

She looked down. It had been well over an hour, and her hands were still shaking. The sensation of the boy’s neck being wrung had stained her palms and fingers. Everyone must be able to see it. They were stains that could never be washed off.

Tei’s breath grew colder.

“Stand back!”

In her daze, she perked up. Soldiers. More terrified gazes.

No, not terrified. They were sadistic. Small devils the Gods could not hold at bay. Devils with spears and skins of red, stain-filled, and wings of eyes they’ve collected for display. She was deemed a monster, yet these creatures were allowed to roam free. It did not matter those they hurt; human they remained. Let off the hook so easily, only subjected to averted gazes. If they killed, it would be deemed a mistake. None of them were subject to the same scrutiny, the same punishment, the same death of a life.

Even for the one who had killed her, it was she who now reaped the punishment.

The devils scurried towards her. So small, she thought. Her breaths grew colder and deeper. The land the tides of her river smashed against grew three times the size. The devils scrambled, throwing their spears upwards towards her only for it to result in a pinch on her skin. The wind grazed her back beneath the scornful sun.

All of the stormy waves that had welled up inside thrashed in the movement of her arms. Tearing against the trees and tiny devils poking her legs. Her breath which was once trapped in her throat could be let out easily now, into a roar that carried its own winds. Even the beat of the blood in her veins calmed. She could breathe and in doing so, she realized that she never knew how clearly she could see in a sea of red.

The squirming of the devils slowed, their spears exhausted. Their red skin painted the ground. A sense of relief blossomed in her chest and she laughed heartily. The hateful sun could not reach her face down. She surveyed the ground again, picking apart little devils whose lesson had not yet been learned, until a strange color appeared in her vision.

Among the sea of red, she saw a head of orange. The head was looking at her, eyes wide, their mouth moving. She took a step closer to take a better look, but the figure stepped back. Their wide eyes were enveloped in fear. Yet, their movements remained so kind.

It is you, she realized. Why… Why is it always with you that I…?

Immediately, all of her strength left her body and along with it, her tear-dropped sight. The devils turned back into humans and Tei could see the ground return beneath her. There were pieces of monster sludge left around her; she had turned into her monster form without even realizing it.

And sure enough, there was Kunigami, a few feet away, running towards her. Her body couldn’t even stand. So she allowed herself to fall and waited for Kunigam to swiftly catch her. When he did, she found his heartbeat and relaxed to its racing tune.

“Tei?! What happened, are you okay?!” He shook her slightly but kept his grip on her shoulders tight. “Are you hurt?”

As he examined her, Tei looked around. Soldiers littered the ground. There must be almost a dozen of them, turning the dirt crimson around them. All of them mangled beyond recognition. But Tei didn’t feel her blood run cold at the sight of them. Her breath remained calm.

“Was it me.. who killed them all?” She asked, but she knew the answer. She looked up to see Kunigami’s expression, which was twisted into an unrecognizable and unknown emotion.

“I’m sure… you had a good reason for it… they must've threatened you right? All you did was protect yourself, so…” His eyes didn’t meet hers, nor the sight of the soldiers. Tei wondered if he was disgusted at her at this moment, but she brushed away the thought. Kunigami was kind and honest at heart. He was trying to protect her, both from his judgement and herself.

“You are a good boy, Kunigami,” she mumbled. “Always trying to save everyone.”

Tei took a step back, away from Kunigami’s grip, only for her to stumble backwards. Kunigami rushed to catch her, but she held her arm up between them. Then the severity of his kindness struck her and she crumbled into her hands.

“I don’t know what is wrong with me…. This world.. It has poisoned me,” she then looked up and grabbed Kunigami’s hand. “But you, you must stay kind, Kunigami. You must make this all right.”

His gaze wavered on her, shaking. He didn’t say anything. She could only feel his squirming hand beneath her rough grasp.

“Please… Stay pure for the two of us.”

“Tei-”

“And if you find someone you love, let that be the start of your life. At least let it be you…” Her eyes drifted down to her hands holding his and upon seeing his pale fingers, she quickly let go. Her breath quickened, but she forced her mouth shut.

“No, no I shouldn’t put this all on you. Oh god, what am I doing? Please forgive me, Kunigami. I truly am horrible, putting this on your shoulders. None of this is your fault. All I ask is that you are happy, but I’m poisoning you. I’m sorry… Forgive me, Kunigami, please forgive me.” Tei said nothing now and simply held her hands close to her chest, refusing to look up. She was painfully aware of how pitiful she looked, how laughable it would be to call her a responsible adult whilst crying to a child. Her mind was taken back to the boy from the town and how she wished she could take back everything she said. He was right; she was no better.

Kunigami, the kind soul he was, placed a hand on her back and grabbed her hand to keep her steady.

“Let’s go back,” he said quietly.

Tei only nodded, trying to ignore how his voice cracked at the very end.

Before they left, Kunigami insisted on burying the fallen soldiers. Tei watched as, after she dug out the holes in her monster form, he lowered the bodies carefully and covered them up, then placed flowers on top. For exactly 3 minutes, he sat in front of the makeshift graves, his eyes closed and hands together in front of him. Tei watched how the sun perfectly hit his face and hands.

It only took an hour or so to arrive back at the trunk. The sun was still at its same place on top of the sky, beating cruelly down on the grassy area. The serenity of the clearing had always served as a safe haven, yet now, its silence only reminded Tei of much she didn’t belong there. The leaves of the trees dropped down around the exterior, some grazing her back as she stepped forward. The warmth of Kunigami’s hand also felt familiar. It reminded her of the warmth of a newborn child.

Tei went over to the trunk and sat down on the grass. She leaned her head back against the bark and faced upward to watch the sky. Only midday, but the sun was already tired. It turned away from her, shuffled over to hide above the clouds, and Tei could only smile in response. She was acutely aware of Kunigami’s concerned stare, so she closed her eyes as the wind blew in her face.

“I’ll be fine here, Kunigami. Just taking some time to breathe. Go off, go play. You don’t have to watch me like I’m about to die.”

She kept her eyes close and as she expected, the sounds of footsteps going away from her never arose. Still, a part of her hoped that he’d have changed even if it were for this single moment.

“I’m not a child,” he said. “So… you can tell me if there’s anything wrong.”

A kind invitation. He opened a path in front of her, one he invited her to take but didn’t grab her hand to force her into. However, the kindness only made Tei take another step back.

She shook her head. “I was just tired. My fatigue got the better of me, so I was not thinking straight. Do not worry about me, all is fine now.”

Kunigami's expression showed that he still didn’t believe her and although Tei recognized his hesitance, she truly thought, for just a moment, that he truly would let her be. That he would leave her to be alone to forge his own life and like that, love would escape her again. She was ready to accept it as well, which is why she closed her eyes and laid her hand on her ankle before trailing her fingertips up to her thigh. The place where her soulmark used to be so many years ago. In those brief seconds, Tei wondered if her soulmate was dead already and if she would join them next. The thought made her realize how much she truly wished she would.

However, instead of hearing footsteps walk away from her, she felt a weight lean against the tree trunk. Kunigami had sat next to her and although he kept his distance, his gaze forward stayed steady and confident.

“I’ll stay with you,” he said. No shakiness, no nervousness, no cracks. Just a heavy voice, rolling over the horizon. “It’s lonely… when you don’t have anyone else around.”

Tei’s mind took her back to the boy of that morning, his disguise melting into his tiny body beneath her and his throat that she could cup easily with one hand. He must’ve been no older than Kunigami and because of that, she thought of him as a mere child. But that fear and desperation that defined the 7-year old she first met years ago is no longer anywhere to be seen in the boy in front of her now. How foolish she was, Tei realized, for equating the two to be the same.

She stared at him. For how long, she didn’t know. It was like she was waiting for time to catch up and for a stranger to appear before her. However, Kunigami stayed in the same spot, watching the sky, his arms folded on top of his legs, close to chest, his hand squeezing his upper arm.

If Tei hadn’t known any better, she would have been surprised that Kunigami had grown up so quickly before her eyes. But the truth was, her eyes have not been on him. She had pretended they were so that she could forgive herself for turning the other way and wallowing in her own pity, her own hatred. Because of her isolation, she didn’t have a chance to see Kunigami grow up. But now that he was before her, the weight of all those missed years began to pile on her body, on her shoulders, on her mind. It entangled in her throat until she felt a lump through which she couldn’t speak.

The two sat in silence while hundreds of heartbeats passed.

Tei was the first to break it.

“Why do you think monsters exist?”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kunigami’s head make a sharp turn in her direction. Her hands fiddled with the overgrown grass by her thigh.

“I think,” she continued. “The Gods kept us alive as punishment. A reminder of their control over us. No matter how much we try, we can not escape the fate they’ve decided. Either we return to our soulmate to pass peacefully or…” She turned to Kunigami. His gaze wavered on her until he noticed and his eyes trailed down her face. A part of her cheek had turned into sludge. “We live to become hideous beasts.”

“Tei-”

“It’s fine. I just feel tired, so this form is harder to keep. That is what happens when you stubbornly stay alive as long as I did.” She laughed softly and raised her hand to her cheek. In a few seconds, it returned back to normal.

She returned her gaze to the sky, to where the clouds painted white into blue. A gust of wind passed through, hitting harshly against her face.

Kunigami finally spoke.

“How did you..die?” He said the final word quietly, as if he was afraid of it.

“...I had a soulmate,” Tei replied. “But he was nothing everyone said a soulmate would be. He couldn’t have cared less about me, yet I foolishly stayed, hoping and praying there was something there. That the Gods were right.

“Then a soldier killed me. While I was shopping in the market. My body was thrown into the forest. When I woke up, it took me weeks to find the village again. But when I returned, everyone had already forgotten. My soulmate had already thrown all my belongings away. It was like I was never there at all.”

“What about your family?” Kunigami asked.

“...When your soulmate is revealed, you are no longer a child. Family then becomes no longer a right.”

“Oh…”

Feeling the tense atmosphere, Tei reached over for her bag. She shuffled through the contents until she reached the very bottom, where a particular food had been stored with the most protection. It was an orange.

Kunigami, who had been watching her, stared at the orange while Tei smiled. She handed it out towards him. “It reminded me of you. Funny, right?”

She kept her hand out until Kunigami, with hesitance, reached out to hold it in his hands. He moved to bite into it.

“Not like that.” She reached over and, while keeping the fruit in his hands, dug her fingernails into the skin of the orange. As it peeled off, the contents and juice shone underneath. She tore a slice from the section she touched. “You peel it. Here, try it.”

Kunigami grabbed the slice from her hands and placed it in his mouth. As he chewed, he turned away slightly, his ears marked pink. “It’s good.”

Tei giggled. “Right?”

Kunigami clumsily tried to peel the rest of the skin off but then stopped halfway. He turned it around in his hands. “You know,” he said. “When I saw my mom last year?”

Tei smiled. “How could I forget? When you told me, that was the first time I saw true joy on your face.”

“I’ve been thinking… she is my mom and she raised me until I was 7 years old. I love her like any son would. I wouldn’t trade her for anything. The same thing goes for my sisters and my father. But the only one who has been with me during my most difficult times has been you, Tei. We don’t share the same blood and yet, here you have been, watching over me for all this time. Protecting and assuring me that I am okay.”

As he spoke, Tei couldn’t help but think about how shaky his voice would have been just a year ago. But while she made his words out through his clear determined voice, she felt herself freeze. The world slipped away from her for mere seconds but it felt like an entirety. Kunigami, all the while, kept going, as if he was determined to make her heart stop completely.

“I can’t help but think…isn’t that a type of family?”

Kunigami kept eating his orange slices but for Tei, time had stopped. Reality turned into fantasy. Somewhere in the distance, she heard a little girl’s sobbing carried with the wind.

“Yeah…Maybe you’re right,” she whispered. “Maybe you’re right.”

After a few more minutes, Tei told Kunigami she would rest in the trunk and sleep for a little while. Kunigami nodded and told her he’d be right back. He had matters to take care of.

Yet when he ran off into the forest, she kept sitting at the trunk, watching the clouds move across. She stayed there until she opened her eyes to be greeted with nightfall. Half the day had passed while she fell asleep where she sat.

Tei rubbed her eyes and got up. She looked into the trunk, by the lake, and the surrounding area. Kunigami had still not returned. The possibility of him simply returning and leaving while she was asleep crossed her mind, but she disregarded the possibility. If that were so, he would have seen her asleep sitting up and would have carried her over inside the trunk. That was the type of person he was.

While worry seeped into her, her trust overshadowed it. She settled on simply creating a fire for when he comes back. That way, he had a warm place to sit by.

Sure enough, just a while later, while Tei was finishing up gathering sticks to throw into the growing fire, she heard leaves crunch from beyond the forest line. Footsteps approached her and she saw a familiar head of orange walking in, slowly moving until it stopped just a few feet away. Tei threw the last of her sticks into the fire and sat down one of the logs she had carried over from the lake.

“Welcome back. You’ve been gone for a while.”

Kunigami just stood still, watching the fire crackled before him. He eventually walked over and sat down in front of it, on the opposite side of Tei. “I’m sorry,” he said. “That I was gone for so long.”

Tei shook her head. She moved one of the sticks she had situated upon the small fire, speared through a piece of meat halfway cooked. “I slept longer than expected.”

The two made small talk as their meat cooked. Tei couldn’t remember the last time she had sat down with Kunigami like this, talking without a care in the world. She wondered if she should be fearful of the serenity that surrounded them, for it gave her one more thing to be fearful that it would get taken away. However, the time to be afraid would come regardless. So she kept talking and laughing.

However, she was not blind. She saw the nervous movements of Kunigami before her and his eye’s flicking to the night sky. He was concerned about something, in a way she had never seen before. She prayed the Gods would give her caution and tact.

“When I went into town,” she said, biting off a piece of her meat that was halfway between raw and cooked. “I overheard the townspeople talking about the royal family. They just love to pass around rumors.”

Kunigami never got the privilege of going into the public. She had sheltered him from the scenery of the town and while he is safer because of it, she still felt guilty for what has been stripped away from him. Even if she knew, reasonably, it was not her fault.

Therefore, she liked to discuss with him what she had overheard from the townspeople when she came back from her trips in hopes of bringing over some of the same liveliness to him.

But this time, the question of their safety served as another reason for bringing the topic up.

“Apparently, the Queen had fallen into a coma. She had always been ill, but now, the possibility of her death is all the more apparent. The soldiers are more alert. They will use that as an excuse to be more vicious. Just be careful roaming through the forest. Don’t get too close to any towns.”

She herself was planning on decreasing her number and length of trips. They had always needed to be aware but this time, Tei had a feeling the state of the kingdom right now was going to last far longer than just a few months.

She took another bite of the meat.

She waited for Kunigami to give a response but only silence followed. It was only when her gaze trailed upwards that she saw him looking at the floor, wide-eyed, gripping the stick in his hand. He was turned to the fire, yet his eyes were anywhere but.

“Kunigami..?”

His stick fell to the floor. He quickly got up.

“I have to go.”

“Huh? What-?”

That was all he said before he ran off into the forest, the same direction from which he came from. He ran quicker than Tei had ever seen him.

“Kunigami!” She yelled after him, but it was no use. In just a few seconds, he had disappeared beyond the trees and the darkness of the night.

Tei’s head spun in circles. Why did he react like that? Where is he running off to? What does it matter to him that the Queen is ill? A part of her was tempted to run after him but she quickly realized it was too late. Kunigami has long since surpassed her in speed and with the amount of time that has passed, there is no way for her to know in which way he has gone.

So instead she thought.

Kunigami had appeared nervous when he returned and he was gone for far longer than he suggested earlier. He must have gone somewhere specific where he had to take care of something. However, it did not go as planned. Either a mishap or delay. She was willing to bet the latter as Kunigami did not appear physically attacked. Maybe it was a complication.

She combed through her memories until she suddenly realized that this was far from the first time Kunigami had run off on his own somewhere. She had been gone so often she had neglected to remember. In fact, this was not the first time he had returned from that same direction in the forest. It must be a consistent spot he visits, a meeting place of sorts.

Then, she made a discovery. A memory resurfaced, and her blood ran cold.

”Visiting a friend, huh?”

4 years ago, an eternity away, she had woken up to Kunigami sneaking away. When she said those words, Kunigami’s face became red.

All this time, Kunigami had been visiting someone. Deep down, she knew. However, she avoided thinking about it as a compromise between her worry for his safety and her worry for his happiness. That must be why he left when he did.

But why panic at the news of the Queen?

Tei rushed over to her bag that was sitting by the trunk before quickly remembering the lost wand she had dropped that morning. She cursed loudly to herself. Her sights then set to her backup wand, which she scrambled to quickly find.

However, as she did, she saw a ball deep in the darkness. The only reason she could see it was a subtle pink glow that surrounded it, just bright enough to be seen only when everything else was dark.

An item covered in magic aura? She thought. I’ve never brought this… and Kunigami can’t do magic at all… Someone else must have given it to him. It’s pink. That’s the color of…

Tei became deathly still. Deep in her thoughts, the silence blared louder than ever before.

“Kunigami…” she mumbled. “What have you gotten yourself into?”

~

Kunigami barely had time to think as he ran. Dodging trees, low-end branches, and bushes in the dark required his entire attention and even then, he’d occasionally trip and stumble to the ground. Still, he’d get up and without tending his wounds, he’d run again at the same velocity. He tore through the still air that created small gusts of winds hitting his face, some occasionally slipping into his mouth until his throat was dried and torn.

Fatigue engulfed his body. A dull pain became a constant pressing across every inch, yet he had to keep running.

He just couldn’t let Chigiri be alone.

Even while he ran until his lungs screamed, the thought of Chigiri’s face and mannerisms of the previous day made Kunigami bite his cheek hard enough to draw blood. He was careless. There Kunigami was, talking mindlessly about his own family and mother, oblivious to Chigiri’s own reactions that should have been a clear sign something was wrong. Yet when he recognized it, he did nothing. He told himself he should not meddle, that he knew nothing, and excused himself from it.

But in doing so, he was only protecting himself from his own scrutiny. In settling to not blame himself, he has come to ignore his own mistakes rather than accepting them. He had been foolish and naive.

However, lingering on the fact did nothing. He can not help what has been done but now, his current actions dictate its effects.

And he, more than anyone, knew what Chigiri was doing. With what Chigiri told him, it is likely that the state of his mom is being kept a secret from him. That, or the extremity of it. Chigiri himself was never one to speak of his own family, especially his parents. He was dealing to himself the same self-isolation that Kunigami did when his own guilt overtook him.

Kunigami ran for 30 minutes but to him, it felt like hours. He had avoided using his monster form because although his head is filled with worries, he could still remember Tei’s warning of the soldier’s increased alertness. In addition, with it being night time, this was the prime time for more soldiers to be stationed and on guard.

He had no plan. All he could hope was that one would come to him while he grit his teeth and kept his legs moving.

In the darkness he spotted a torch. Its flickering flames danced in the night, reaching desperately from itself towards the stars peppered beyond the foliage of the trees. Upon its sight, he recognized their clearing where he had waited the entire day, where Chigiri had never shown. Chigiri himself had set the torch up just a few weeks ago. For just a moment, subconsciously, Kunigami came to a halt. Chigiri’s excited words echoed beyond the crackling of the fire.

“Be there early!”

Just 10 minutes away from the castle. He had 10 minutes left to go.

Leaves crunched in the distance. Kunigami’s breath escaped him and dissipated into the night air.

Before his mind could catch up, his feet took him to hide behind one of the neighboring trees. He crouched with a hand over his mouth. He didn’t realize how much he dreaded the anticipation of the sound until it happened again, then twice more. His heartbeat pounded in his ears. The familiar clanking of metal armor and swords by the hip nearly disguised the murmur of soldiers talking casually amongst themselves. Although Kunigami hadn’t doubted her before, Tei’s words of the soldiers being more thorough suddenly became a harsh reality.

After a few minutes, the clanking withdrew into the night, as did the footsteps stamping the shriveled leaves. However, Kunigami didn’t release his hand from his mouth for another dozen heartbeats.

He was lucky. The tree he hid behind was the one of the few nearby wide enough to completely cover his stature, but there was no guarantee that the closer he went to the castle, another convenient hiding place would appear close enough to hide by again. He looked down at his body, its build which he’d been honing for years now, while biting his lip. A disguise would be best, but he didn’t have magic like Chigiri nor the plethora of spell items at his disposal like Tei.

He tightened his grip on his face and as he contemplated, a word Tei had used before sprung up in his mind. “Shapeshifter.” That was how she described their abilities before and the reason they could switch between monster and human form without any scars or dirtiness left on either one. They could shapeshift into the form they were imagining

If that’s the case, Kunigami thought, can’t I change traits about either form? And make one smaller or larger?

Kunigami looked down at his body again and then, while counting his heartbeats again, he closed his eyes and picture a smaller him. Maybe a child. If he could disguise himself as a child, he could feign innocence once he actually entered. He could pretend he was one of the servant children.

As Kunigami kept his eyes closed, he focused on the low-hanging branch of the tree behind him touching the top of head. He imagined himself shrinking further away from it, the branch’s touch lifting itself off of him. Several heartbeats more passed.

When he opened his eyes, the branch’s touch was completely gone. He looked up and saw the branch roughly a foot and a half above him. Everything that was below him earlier was now at eye-level for him to see.

He looked down and was surprised to see that his clothes had changed as well. A tunic and trousers in an earthy-brown color. He remembered them vividly as the clothes he always wore when he was younger, the ones his parents meticulously cared for so they wouldn’t get dirty. Kunigami tore off a strand of hair and found it was still orange. He had turned back into how he appeared as a child, including the clothes he had most commonly worn.

He smiled briefly at the reminder of his family but quickly focused back on the task at hand. The soldiers were gone now and another glance back gave him certainty that, for a couple of minutes longer, he was free from their scrutiny. He took a deep breath, then bolted.

This child version of him can not run nearly as fast and after 5 minutes, he could already feel the fatigue pressing on his body. But he can hear the mass sounds of footsteps on the solemn grass grow louder as he runs, which was enough to give him the motivation to keep going. When he arrived at where the trees ended, he stopped several feet short and watched the scene carefully.

Many soldiers were surrounding the premises, marching in a line. Kunigami looked around and up at the size of the castle. It towered before him. But that must mean its perimeter was large as well. Surely there must be a spot without fewer soldiers around.

As quietly as he could, he stepped several more feet back, to where the soldiers couldn’t hear him but he could still see the castle walls, and started running along its perimeter. He hardly watched where he was going and stopped a few inches short of hitting a tree several times, but he kept his gaze steady at the lines of soldiers, waiting for it to end. After several minutes, the number of soldiers finally began to dwindle. He ran and ran until he lost track of time but eventually, he found it.

A large section of the surrounding area completely enclosed by a fence, marking a garden that stretched several yards. Only a handful of soldiers were watching the surrounding area, but they were taking loops. It was only every several minutes that they turned to look at the garden.

Kunigami carefully approached the fence and looked around for an opening. Feeling the pressure of the time tighten around him, he glanced quickly up at the size of the fence. It was several feet taller than him, but Kunigami remembered the times when he’d climb forest trees by his home’s backyard, before his parents could pull him away from it. He had always been a good climber. With a smaller body, he had a better chance.

He looked back again at the soldiers, who were turned away from him at this moment. Then, without a minute’s hesitation, he found spots for his feet to grip to and pulled himself towards the top. It was surprisingly easier than he imagined, likely because of the muscle memory that this child version of himself retained.

Once he reached the top of the fence, he jumped down, all 7 feet, to the ground. To avoid making a sound when he landed, he turned into his monster form, a smaller version of it, for just a few seconds as soon as he hit the ground. However, the sound of something plopping still carried over the soldiers and when they turned around, Kunigami had a mere split-second to press himself to the ground, hiding beneath the bushes of flowers and berries. Footsteps grew louder as they walked to the fence but a couple terrifying seconds later, it died down as when they went around for another loop. Kunigami could breathe again.

He was almost there. Just a few more feet left to go.

And then what? Lie and say he was a servant child? Would they let him into the prince’s bedroom with that excuse? He wasn’t even wearing the servant uniform. What if they suspect he is a monster and ask for a soulmark? What if they kill him on the spot?

The worries piled on top of him faster than he could sort them but the desperation of reaching Chigiri was far heavier. Just enter the castle, he repeated to himself. A mantra, circling in his head. He began to run forward once he saw the coast was clear. Figure it all out later. You’re already here.

Just… don’t let him be alon-

A hand grabbed his shoulder. Kunigami nearly yelped before another hand grabbed his mouth. Feeling the panic set in, he pushed back against the figure pressing his back and heard a “shhh” in the dark. He stopped. The clanking of metal armor echoed in the distance. It took several more seconds than usual for it to grow quieter once again.

Kunigami’s heart pounded loudly. But more importantly, he turned slightly upward to see who the figure was, for what he heard just now was a woman’s voice. In response, a strand of long dark pink hair fell into his face.

The woman finally let go of his mouth. In the dark, he saw a band of red and all at the once, the sounds of the night ceased. Kunigami immediately separated himself from her.

He took several steps back and only then did he grab a proper look at her. She was wearing a royal dress, her hair neatly tied back into a bun. Her soulmark prominently glowed in the dark by her collarbone.

This must be… the princess of the kingdom… Kunigami realized. Princess Hiumi, or Chigiri’s sister.

Unlike Chigiri, who’s eyes were always bright and shining, this woman’s expression had a shadow casted over it, like dark clouds about to rain hovered over it. For the first few seconds, her gaze held contempt. However, as she looked him up and down, her eyes widened slightly for a brief, nearly forgettable, second before settling back into a stern gaze.

“Who are you? I have not seen your face before here.” She spoke in a regular speaking voice, which made Kunigami panic. But when he looked around, the soldiers who had circled back again did not glance at either of them. The two were close to the castle’s entrance, which, hidden by their pillars, made their presence easy to overlook. As for their sounds, he noticed how the world had a reddish tint around him, all except for the Princess standing before him. A sound-proof barrier.

Kunigami, still nervous, stammered a response. “I-I’m one of the servants.. I was out here tending the garden when the castle locked down…” He picked the nails on his fingers. The gaze of the Princess weighed heavily above him. It didn’t take a genius to know that she was contemplating on whether to believe him but after a few seconds, she merely sighed. Her eyes flipped down to his anxious hands.

“That’s a lie. We had locked down last night and multiple guards have been checking the garden all day.”

Kunigami could feel the ground below him grow further away as his breath grew cold. He had to think of something else, an excuse, something to save him. He couldn’t die here-

“But you don’t look like you’re planning any trouble. Tell me, are you here to see Prince Hyoma?”

He stopped. Confusion quickly replaced his panic and he looked up at her with both questions and awe swirling in his mind. His stance became increasingly more cautious. “How could you have…?”

“I’m not oblivious to what my brother does. I know he has been visiting a boy in the forest. How else would he have been able to keep it a secret for so many years?” Princess Hiumi, seemingly sensing Kunigami’s nervousness at her knowledge, stepped closer to press a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to turn you in.”

Now that Kunigami thought about it, it did seem odd that Chigiri and him had been able to meet all this time in secret. Soldiers did frequent their meeting place, but conveniently they never went during the day. The widespread searches for Chigiri had also died down during the past couple of years. All of that wouldn’t have been possible if it had been solely Chigiri sneaking off on his own. However, if Hiumi had really been protecting them all this time, did that mean she trusted Kunigami? And if she did, was it as a monster or a normal human?

He attempted to decode the emotions she had in her expression, but all of it was covered up completely by an invisible wall meticulously placed between them. Her gaze was stern but nothing else. Even her pupils were as dark as the night itself.

No matter how he viewed it, there was no way for her to truly know if he was a monster or not all this time. For years, she had aided them and seemingly, she simply took Chigiri’s word at Kunigami’s trustworthiness.

But now, she had a perfect opportunity to check for herself. She could ask for his soulmark. And once she realized he had none, she could test for herself whether he was a monster or a child that had simply lost their soulmark. Royalty has all kinds of special devices to carefully check every individual.

And yet, she made no movement to do so. Instead she stood silent and watched him carefully, while making no move to report him. Kunigami wondered if she was afraid of finding out the truth herself, of finding reason not to believe in Chigiri’s trust.

Finally, her eyes softened and she spoke.

“Why do you wish to see him so desperately? He’s not your family. You have no obligation to come here. Why do you care so much to risk your safety to see him?”

Her words are harsh, but she spoke them quietly. Her low voice carried a tone of pity.

“I just…” Kunigami tightened his fist, trying to gather his thoughts together. “I don’t want him to be alone. I don’t want him to be hurt with no one to help him.”

In truth, there was a bit of resentment Kunigami had when he looked at Princess Hiumi. Because she is here instead of with Chigiri. But at the same time, there is so much he didn’t know, about their family, about their relationship. So much Chigiri didn’t tell him.

However, he did not stay with that feeling for long because when he looked again, Princess Hiumi’s eyes had widened. Her gaze was no longer neutral, but swirling with emotion. She looked away quickly, but Kunigami could see her biting her lower lip.

“If you go into the castle, you will undoubtedly find a guard who will ask you what you are doing. Did it occur to you that you may get caught?”

“...It did. I’ve known for years.”

Another stretch of silence.

“I’ll transport you to him,” she finally said. “The halls are being patrolled by guards, so I’ll take you directly to his room. You might feel a little nauseous.”

Hearing her words was such a shock that Kunigami had to blink twice to make sure she wouldn’t disappear in front of him. That she wasn’t a hallucination evoked by his stress. It wasn’t just her kindness that surprised him, but rather the defiance in her actions. How quick she was to ignore the risk of him being a monster due to her trust in her brother.

He could only pray the Gods would forgive him for betraying them.

Princess Hiumi took a couple of steps closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Think of this as a favor,” she said. “In return…”

She lowered herself slightly to be eye level with him. Up close, she truly was beautiful. Despite her perfectly combed hair, a few strands found its way to hang over her face, sticking to her skin. In more ways than one, Chigiri resembled her closely.

“Promise you’ll always be there for him.”

They both had unwavering conviction in her eyes.

Kunigami nodded. With a glance to the fences and one hand still on his shoulder, she held her other hand out by her side and mumbled a spell under her breath. He could only catch a speck of red appear before the world pulled away from him, taking everything with it apart from the night sky speckled with stars.

It was all he could see for the split-second he was nowhere at all, until the ground returned beneath him and the frame around the stars had its stone-cold pillars replaced by curtains swaying in the breeze. He was staring at a balcony, in a room with tan-colored walls and soft floors. The exit to the balcony neighbored a bed similarly drenched in curtains and a desk lit by candles. Directly to his sides were several bookshelves and behind him, he saw the door to the hallway which muffled the sounds of heavy metal hitting the ground.

When he turned to look at the balcony again, he focused this time on the pink hair flowing in the wind. He took a step forward, only to cringe at the floor creaking beneath him.

“...Huh?”

Chigiri turned around. When their gazes met, his eyes grew wide and stood up straight from where he had been leaning against the railing before.

“Kunigami? What are you doing here? How did you-? Why-?”

“I came here to find you. You haven’t been at our meeting place… um..so I got worried…” Kunigami realized he was stammering and bit his tongue. A feeling of frustration at his inability to say what he meant crept up to him but he quickly swatted it away. He took a deep breath and rubbed his neck. Just a few feet away from him, Chigiri stared at him speechless, a rare sight.

On another day, he would have found an opportunity to tease him for it. However, he could barely acknowledge that observation when all he saw were the bags under Chigiri’s eyes and the faint blotches of red on his skin. Instead, a lump formed in Kunigami’s throat, followed by a deep ache in his heart.

It took everything he could not to run over and embrace him right there.

“So you… risked yourself to come find me?” Chigiri said in a low voice. Now that he heard it, Kunigami realized how similar he and his sister sounded as well. “Ha.. actually, of course you did, why did I even ask?”

Chigiri gave a weak smile.

He turned back around, towards the night sky beyond the castle. His messy head of hair facing him, Kunigami waited for his racing heartbeats to pass to step closer to him and reach out to untangle it. However, he stopped inches short and let his hand fall back to his side. Instead he stood next to Chigiri and placed an arm on the railing. Chigiri didn’t spare him a glance. He was staring up at the stars and when Kunigami looked up with him, he noticed that he was looking at the moon.

The stars seemed so tiny by comparison.

“Hiumi transported you here, right?”

“How did you know?”

“You still have her red glow.”

“Oh.”

“...So she cared enough to let you in but not enough to tell me…Whatever.”

“...Have you been here by yourself this entire time?”

“No, the prince of the Liberora Kingdom left earlier. He stayed here because well… you must’ve seen how everything else is.”

“Are you okay?”

“Me? Ha, you should ask Hiumi that. She has always been closer to... Anyways now, she’s been given a whole lot more work. Meetings, paperwork. She’s been busy the entire day. She hasn’t even had time to… And it’s not just her either, everyone else has been-”

“I’m not asking about them. I’m asking about you.”

“...what do you care, it doesn’t even matter-”

“It does, I can tell you are-”

“Really? You think you can tell? You hardly know anything about this, how could you tell?”

“I don’t know anything because you haven’t told me anything.”

“And why should I? This is a dumb problem, a dumb thing to be upset over, don’t you think? To be like this over someone I’ve never even met? Over a stranger?”

“How is she a stranger, she’s your-!?”

“She might as well be. It’s so stupid. I can’t even remember her face, but I see her in everything. She haunts me. In the night sky, in the moon, everything. I hear her when Hiumi is hiding another secret, when I walk by the townspeople, by the royal officials who only see my soulmark. Do you know what that's like? What I hear and see all the damn time?”

“....”

“Silence. Nothingness. Honestly, I would have preferred if I never knew she existed at all… See? Isn’t that terrible? Aren’t I terrible?”

“... I don’t think so.”

“You wouldn’t think I’m terrible even if I killed a thousand babies in front of you. That doesn’t mean it isn’t true. ”

“Still, that is just a part of loving someone, isn’t it? In that sense, it is terrible. You wouldn’t feel this way if you didn’t love her.”

“...What right do I have to love her? I lost it a long time ago.”

“Did someone tell you that?”

“It’s reality. I never had a choice in the first place. Just like how my soulmate isn’t my choice.”

“Your soulmate? But that’s-”

“Different? Ha, how could you possibly know if it’s any different? Do you know what it’s like to listen to people tell you the same things over and over? ‘Don’t worry about any stresses right now because you’ll lose them when you get your soulmate!’ Being told that as if it's a consolation? ‘It’s okay, don't worry you end up loving them anyways?!’ Do you know what it’s like to not even be able to grieve over your own fucking mom because all you can hear are those people saying you might even forget her in 4 years?”

“No..No I wouldn’t know…”

“Of course you wouldn’t.”

“....”

“...I’m sorry. Sorry, sorry, fuck, I didn’t think-”

“Do people really tell you that?”

“...Huh?”

“Is that what you’ve been thinking about this entire time? Is that all they’ve told you since the news of your mom?”

“...Yeah, it is. Even family comes after soulmates here. If I don’t have a choice in loving my soulmate, how can I have a choice in loving my mom? Especially since blood ties are invisible, but I didn’t even grow up with her. .”

“But you still feel guilty.”

“That’s- um-”

“Hey, you want to know something? I remembered recently a story my mom used to tell me before I went to sleep, that the first people to step into this world came from the stars. When they arrived, the world was empty and barren. They tried to give it life but eventually they gave up. Everyone except for one person, who stayed and kept trying. The travelers went back to the stars but this person stayed behind and kept going anyway. When they returned, centuries later, the person had long since been dead, but the land had successfully been given life, all as a result of his love for this world. Some people say that’s the reason why we have our soulmarks now. His love is the reason we all exist.”

“...Wasn’t the tale that it was the Gods who grew life on this land for those travelers?”

“There are many versions of the story, but that’s the one she told me. I had always loved that story so I’m kind of mad at myself for forgetting it all this time. Do you know the reason why I remembered it? It’s because you took me to see her. Now, I love her even more. I wouldn’t have ever known if you didn’t force me to try.

“....”

“Isn’t that guilt proof that you regret not trying? You can only try if you have a choice.”

“...what if I do try and she rejects it? What if she never wanted to see me in the first place?”

“How can you know if you never try?”

“But I haven’t tried. All this time, I could have seen her, snuck in and talked with her, but I didn’t. I was just a spoiled brat causing troubles for everybody. I’ve never tried in the first place.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t start.”

“...And what if you’re wrong and they’re right? Love only exists with soulmates, you know. Not with family, not with anything else.”

“Still, it’s important.”

“And who decides that?”

“You.”

“...”

“That’s what she would’ve wanted, isn’t it? Maybe that’s why she never asked to see you. She wanted you to make the choice yourself.”

“...trying, huh? When you have nothing, that’s all you have left right? Here I am, complaining, when you never even got a chance to- I’m sorry, Kunigami. Augh, I’m so stupid, I never should’ve said-”

“It’s fine. You know what somebody told me? You shouldn’t put yourself down. Let people care about you.”

“Heh, you’re taking my words?”

“They’re wise words.”

“...Hey, Kunigami? What do I do if she doesn’t love me?”

“...Would you regret trying?”

“Maybe.”

“I’d never forgive her. But even more so, I’d feel hurt. You think I only tried to get here to get something from you? Even if we hadn’t talked, I wouldn’t have regretted it. Even if you hated me, I would never stop trying. I would never forgive her for making you think everyone making an effort is doing it for your love in return.”

“Hehe..”

“You’re laughing now?”

“You never change, do you? Okay, I get it. Trying is love, right? So that’s what he wanted to say. ‘If I can choose who I love now, why wouldn’t I choose to love everything?’ ‘You can only try if you have a choice.’ It’s so obvious. Hehe…”

“Did someone say that?”

“I’ll go see her. Even if Hiumi and the rest tell me otherwise, I’ll make sure I see her.”

“Yeah that’s good…That’s good.”

“Hey, Kunigami, do you know who I love?”

“...Who?”

Chigiri turned and looked directly at Kunigami. He smiled.

“Everything the Gods can’t give me.”

~

Hiumi walked into his room not long after Kunigami and Chigiri had fallen silent. They were simply watching the night sky. With a nod from Chigiri, she transported Kunigami back into the forest.

Once she did, the two were alone, accompanied only by the moonlight pooling into the large room. Chigiri, still looking out the balcony, studied the moon above him. Its presence was so large amongst all of the stars. The sight of it was a reminder of how much heavier his heart felt now after Kunigami’s leave.

Hiumi fidgeted with her jewelry behind him, like she always did when she had something to say.

“You’re lucky, you know. To have someone like that in your life.” She had never sounded so sincere.

Chigiri looked back and turned his sight to the entrance of the balcony, the closest thing beside her eyes. His voice came out blunt and straightforward. “You didn’t check his soulmark.”

“What use would it have been if I did? Worst case scenario, you might run away into the forest with not a single glance back.” Chigiri considered refuting her for the sake of argument but his own pride kept his mouth shut. She was absolutely right. It annoyed him how well she knew him. Kunigami words weighed heavier on him, piling, like there was a flood inside of him waiting to break.

“How is she?” he asked.

“Alive. Awake, finally. She’s talking like the end isn’t near now.”

“...I want to see her. Would you let me?”

Hiumi fell silent. Chigiri turned around to look at her expression, trying to gauge her emotions, but to his surprise, her face was unreadable. She tightened her fists.

Hiumi was wearing a white dress. Her hair, tied up nicely, and her shoulders and arms bare from the sleeveless outfit. On any other day, she would appear like she is attending her own wedding. Instead, her beauty stayed trapped in the scarce light of the darkest night.

Without letting a single emotion slip from her face, she looked up above him. “If it’s your choice, I won’t stop you. Even if I did, you wouldn’t listen, would you?”

Chigiri stayed silent.

“Of course you wouldn’t. You’re not the little kid I can protect anymore… Okay. She should be resting in her room. Your dad just left a few minutes ago.”

After he walked past her, he went out into the hallway and got a few feet away before he heard his name called from behind him.

“Hyoma.”

In the hallway, Hiumi stood by his door. This time, she held a sad smile on her face. “Just…don’t be disappointed, okay?”

There was no way Chigiri could have known what she meant. Not until he disregarded her words to arrive at the end of the hallway and enter valiantly, pass the brigade of guards, into his mother’s room. The one furthest away from his.

The first thing he noticed was how dark the room was. Only a dim candle, nearly burnt out, provided light where the windows had been sealed off with curtains and heavy blankets. The door loudly creaked open. Even the air weighed differently. It entered deeply into his lungs, thick and heavy.

There was a single bed in the entire room. No drawers, no bookshelves, no desk. Only a nightstand, where the candle sat, and a lone chair by it. The room itself was tiny, as if it were a closet being accommodated. Therefore, when he opened the door, the first thing he came face to face with was the end of the bed, vertically placed towards him. He didn’t open the door far before it hit the wall and he saw the face of the person facing towards him, sitting upright, barely lit.

The ghostly face broke into a weak smile at his entrance. Chigiri realized immediately how similar she appeared to Hiumi, yet their smiles couldn’t be more different. Where Hiumi’s was soft and understanding, hers seemed frighteningly unnatural. As if it were carved onto her face.

“This is really the end, isn’t it?” Her voice came out in a whisper. Hoarse, fragile, broken into pieces.

Those were the first words Chigiri ever heard from his mother.

Their conversation lasted as long as Chigiri could stand the atmosphere which, despite being a surprising while, was consistently challenged by how sparse the topics felt. Vulnerability had slipped through her initial words but didn’t appear again afterwards. Every laugh and soft reassurance felt tight and suffocating. She asked about the weather, the state of the castle, the training of the servants. At one point, she even asked if Chigiri liked his wardrobe.

“I had picked every outfit,” she said. “When you were born, I told the tailor the standard outfits they should design for when you turn the proper age and height for them. When I recognized that, given time, I would not be there for you, I wished to give you a part of me so you may always feel my presence.”

Then she smiled. A wide smile that poked into her hollow cheeks. Despite how fragile she looked, from her frail bones to her deathly pale skin, there was restlessness in her every movement, every action. Chigiri, halfway in, finally noticed the desperation in her rambling, across every word that crashed into one another while she asked about his future.

His mouth felt dry.

He said, “Hiumi has been helping me and showing me new duties to learn. She has been really good at taking care of the castle and all its staff. I learn well with her.”

“Don’t be led on by her. She is still a young and weak girl. She pretends to be responsible, but she hasn’t aged a year from her rebellious phase. She has not learned much.”

For the first time in their conversation, her tone reached a spike. Her expression, now mostly hidden by the room’s newfound darkness, could be scarcely seen in the peppered dying candle light stretched along it. What Chigiri could see, however, was the tension present in her features and the slight twitching of her lips.

“If I were healthy, you would never disappoint me. You would be a proper son, is that not right?” Another hoarse laugh. Chigiri’s body never before had felt more like it was stone, stuck in place. Everything about her was contagious. Her judgement, her anxiety, her facade.

He had imagined this conversation thousands of times before, with his own fantasy of how his mother would be like. The stark differences felt enough to give him whiplash as the absence of “how are you,” “I’m sorry,” and “I love you” hit harder than the sight of her. Chigiri finally recognized the source of the uneasiness that had been creeping up on him since he entered the room.

She did not speak like a mother. She spoke like a ghost.

By the end, his own desperation got the better of him and he began to say his partings, lest his soul die too in that room with her.

Yet, as soon as he got a chance to stand up, she spoke from the darkness. Chigiri couldn’t even see her face anymore, but he could hear the amusement in her voice.

“I regret it everyday, you know.”

His heart skipped a beat.

“I should have ruined the world before it stole my life. I should have died decades ago. This delay is the punishment for my obedience.”

She gave one last haunting smile before Chigiri shut the door closed. He did so stronger than he realized he did. The sounds of it ricocheted in his ears. He was breathing heavily and rapidly.

The footsteps of the guards echoed beyond the hall, a spiral of sound. It circled around him and tightened around his lungs. The night sky beyond the windows encompassed an array of colors with its stars, luring him close until he was ready to fall into it. That was before a hand touched his back and pulled him back into reality. Hiumi stood tall beside him. A ball stayed wedged in his throat.

“Crying is not proving her right,” she said softly. “It can also be defiance. She can never succeed in making you regret loving her.”

More footsteps echoed across the hall. Hiumi patted his back once more.

Only then did his tears fall.

King and Queen pronounced DEAD. Prince Chigiri granted the title of King, to go in effect on XX day of XXX year, formally recognized as the 18th Soul Day; Princess Hiumi declared temporary placeholder.

[End of Age 14]

[saph-writes]

This is just the outline for the chapter, I'm so cooked 😭

I don't want to split this chapter up because I already split it up for the last one, so I'm determined to complete this in full.

I promised chapter 7 of "A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats" is coming out soon 🙏. 2 months and a writer's block episode later, we are 3.5k words into this chapter. I can't say how much longer it will take me but for now, here is a little sneak peak of the beginning portion <3

[saph-writes]

I promised chapter 7 of "A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats" is coming out soon 🙏. 2 months and a writer's block episode later, we are 3.5k words into this chapter. I can't say how much longer it will take me but for now, here is a little sneak peak of the beginning portion <3

[saph-writes]

A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats - Chapter 6

ao3 link:

Words: 7598

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Tei peered out from the tree she was hidden behind. The sun of the midday sky beat down between the foliage of the forest’s trees and the raindrops from the night before, still hidden in the leaves, relentlessly tapped her shoulders and head. In her hands were the food she had stolen from the town–pieces of bread, sugared cookies, a jar of honey, boiled eggs–all in the burlap bag she held close to her chest. 

Kunigami would like these. He had never liked it when she would go into the towns, scavenging for items they could use, but when she would return, his eyes lighting up at the goods she brought back only enticed her to do it more. 

He hadn’t been eating as of late either. Maybe these would cheer him up again. 

But first, Tei had to escape the soldier who was searching for her.

Pushing the bag closer to her body, she grabbed the hood of her clothing and tugged it over her head. She risked another peek. 

The soldier, dressed in the uniform and armor of the town’s unit, had a stern face and large build. His eyes were small, the whites barely being able to be seen, but they glanced around quickly and continuously. His hand stayed on the handle of the sword by his waist, not once failing to meet the gazes of the townspeople passing by in the densely populated town square he was stationed at. 

Tei cursed herself for not being more careful. The soldier had caught her sneaking too close to the forest and asked to check her soulmark. She made an excuse and waited for the tides of the crowd to sweep by once again to pretend that she was in a hurry and meeting a friend. 

No townsperson would disregard the request of a soldier the way she did, which is why the soldier was alert now, waiting for any glimpse of her so that he could seize her and bring her into custody. Maybe he’d yell the words “Monster!” to bring the town into a panic, just to see how she would react. As some form of psychological torture. 

She knew the drill by this point. It’s not her first time being careless. 

Still, it's the first time in recent years. She had hit a streak of 7 years without getting caught. She can’t afford to break it, not with the stricter enforcement that has been passed by the royal council and the knowledge that Kunigami was waiting for her. Although, the latter reason was becoming less and less dependable as the years passed on. 

Tei weighed her options.

She was hidden behind a tree right now, the only one nearby wide enough to hide a body. The area was more akin to a clearing than a forest line. Her saving grace was that no townsperson would walk past her as two abandoned ruined houses stood in front of the tree. She can’t hide behind the houses because of all the holes and destroyed walls. 

If she moved from her spot, she risked being spotted if the soldier looked in her direction. But if she didn’t move in a few minutes, he might change locations once again, at a place where he can get a better chance of spotting her. Therefore, she must find the moment he is distracted and seize it when she can.

She looked into her bag and searched around in it. Her fingers hit something smooth and shiny.

A mirror. 

It was a small mirror, one that she was planning to use in the meantime while she searched for a bigger one. The one they had broke and it was difficult to prepare herself for these trips without checking her appearance. 

She picked it up and held it in front of her. 

The soldier was looking directly at her. 

Fuck. 

He was walking in her direction. 

The gracious time she had to weigh her options was now stripped away from her. There was no longer any time to think. Tei set the bag down in front of her and slung it onto her back. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. 

“Who’s there?!”

The soldier grabbed onto the tree and whipped his head around behind it. 

Except from where he was looking at eye-level, he saw nothing. It wasn’t until he looked down that he saw the culprit: a young girl with long reddish pink hair, carrying a heavy bag, with tears in her eyes. She looked up at him with her lip quivering. 

“Please don’t hurt me!” she shrieked. She started to wail loudly. 

Several townspeople stopped to stare at the scene: a soldier cornering a small girl behind a tree in the forest. Whispers circulated among them, some fearful of the girl being a potential monster while others condemning the thought, exclaiming that she was far too beautiful and cute. Not to mention that she was crying. Monsters didn’t cry like her.

The soldier looked angrily at the townspeople and yanked the girl up by her arm, resulting in another shriek. The commotion shifted from curious and fearful to outraged. Several stepped forward towards the soldier.

“What are you doing with her? She’s just a young girl!”

“Leave that girl alone!”

The soldier fought back. “This is none of your business! This here is a monster, if I let it go it’ll attack all of you!”

“You lot say that about everyone you come across!”

As the small group of people condemned the soldier, gaining more attention from the busy town center, Tei couldn’t help but bite back the urge to laugh. At the irony and hypocrisy of their words. 

So now you all have a voice, don’t you?

She looked up at where the soldier was gripping her arm, as well as his face. His anger, pointed at the small crowd, consumed his expression until it became clear his focus was no longer on her at all. Tei seized the opportunity that his grip became loose to yank her arm away and bolt away as fast as she could. 

Behind her, she heard the soldier angrily yell after her but the crowd’s commotion was even louder. 

Instead of running into the forest, she ran along the edge of the towns, to avoid any suspicion by the townspeople. When she judged that she was far away enough that she could no longer be seen, she returned into the forest, transformed back to her normal self, and started the long and familiar journey back. 

In her hands and her hoodie’s pockets, she clutched the food and trinkets she had stolen. The sound of the anger between the townspeople and the soldier could be faintly heard behind her. She took a deep breath in, only realizing then that she had been trembling ever so slightly. 

“These life or death situations are much more frightening when there is someone waiting home for me, isn’t it?” she mumbled under her breath. She chuckled to herself and started running. 

~

Age: 14

“You’re welcoming a visitor?”

Chigiri nodded. The two were situated on the edge of the lake they liked to visit, just a few minutes away from the clearing they were just shy of calling home. After having been in the water, the two were soaking wet and currently drying themselves off. Kunigami had resigned himself to the wet clothes, but Chigiri had taken his shirt off to wring the water out of it. 

As a result, Kunigami was staring very intensely at the sky from where he was laying down. 

“The family of the Liberora kingdom is coming down to discuss a mutually beneficial relationship and aid each other with issues in both kingdoms. At least that’s how my sister put it. My parents are going to be away so I have to help her prepare,” Chigiri said. He squeezed his shirt a final time before setting it on the log to dry. “Now that I’m getting closer to the soulmate age, they’re assigning me more duties.”

“You still have 4 years.” 

“I know, right?” Chigiri moved his arm and knee to rest his chin on his hand. Kunigami wasn’t looking at him, but he could imagine the kind of look on his face right now. The typical expression of annoyance yet resignation whenever Chigiri was ordered to do something.

It was a look that had become more common for him in the past year. Kunigami didn’t know why, but it seemed like the air of defiance that Chigiri held for most of the time he had known him was wearing off. Those eyes that showed everything he was feeling were little more than dim now, hiding more than expressing. 

It was a strange look for him. 

Kunigami shook off the feeling of helplessness that started to creep up on him. 

“Just do things your own way and you’ll be fine,” he said.

“You think?”

“Yeah. If it’s you, it’ll be fine.” It was true. To him, there was no one in the world that was stronger than Chigiri. 

Kunigami spared a peek over at Chigiri, only to see him cheekily smiling at him.

“What?”

“Nothing. I was just thinking that both of us have changed a lot. I can’t imagine the old you saying that. You were always the more anxious and pessimistic one out of the two of us.” 

A familiar flush washed over Kunigami, making his face feel warm. He rubbed his neck and looked away. His pulse pounded beneath his fingertips. 

“Well, that’s because of you.”

“Hehe, maybe. But I think you’re giving me too much credit.” 

The two sat in silence for a bit, which Kunigami was partially grateful for. He needed the time to let his heart simmer down. To his side, he heard Chigiri passing his fingers through his own hair. However, after a few minutes, he heard an “ah” sound from the same direction.

“Huh?”

“I’m out of energy. I can’t cast a spell to dry my hair.” 

“Let it dry naturally.”

“I can’t. I need to go back to the castle soon.” 

Kunigami looked over to see Chigiri trying to wring the water out of his hair. But it was hardly working. His hands were awkwardly squeezing the tangled clumps of hair while there was barely any water dripping to the ground. 

He briefly wondered how Chigiri knew how to wring water out of a shirt but not out of his hair, but pushed the thought to the back of his mind. He got up and walked over.

“Here, let me do it.” 

Chigiri looked up at him and gradually stopped, handing it over to Kunigami.

Kunigami then began to pass his fingers through his hair, breaking through any of the clumps that were tangled together. Chigiri yelped at a few of them. 

“Ow!”

“Sorry. I need to untangle these strands…”

“Can’t you do it a bit softer? You’re going to- OW! Kunigami!”

Kunigami bursted out in laughter. He leaned forward while clutching Chigiri’s hair in his hands, his whole body shaking. “S-Sorry…” 

Chigiri grumbled but began to giggle softly to himself too. From Kunigami leaning forward to Chigiri leaning back, the two nestled against each other amidst their contagious laughter.

After a few minutes, Kunigami finished. Chigiri touched his hair.

“It’s still damp.” 

“It’s not going to dry right away. But if you let it sit for a little while like that, it will dry quickly. Long hair will dry slower if it is tangled. That’s why I straightened it. Moving around can also help.”

“Really?”

“That’s what my mom used to say.” 

“Your mom huh…” Chigiri trailed off and fell silent. He combed his newly straightened hair with his fingers, staring quietly at the ground.

Kunigami blinked. “Um, Chigiri?”

“Huh?”

“Are you okay?” 

“Oh, I’m fine! Well, I need to go. I need to help Hiumi prepare the castle.”

Chigiri got up and stretched. He grabbed his shirt off the log, which was still a little damp, to put it on over his head. He waved as he ran off beyond the trees.

“See you later! Tomorrow! Be there early!” 

Kunigami weakly waved back. “Yeah… See you.” However, he couldn’t get the look of Chigiri’s face out of his mind. How his eyes seemed so far away the moment that Kunigami brought up his mom. 

He stopped. 

Now that he thought about it, Chigiri never talked about his parents. He talked more about his sister and the guards who manage him. And yet Kunigami brought up his so casually…

Kunigami shook his head. He slapped his cheeks and closed his eyes, immediately willing the thought to go away. 

It surprised him. These kinds of thoughts had not crept into his mind for a while, not the self-deprecating ones anyways. The ones where he would do nothing but blame himself. So instead, he thought about what he could do rather than what he couldn’t control. Chigiri had helped him out with his family, after all. It is because of him that Kunigami had started to allow himself to live free of guilt. 

The best way that Kunigami settled to repay him was to help him in any way he could. 

But then again, he hardly knew anything about Chigiri’s private life. He did not want to meddle in cases that didn’t concern him, especially since he could end up making it worse. But still, he couldn’t stand by and do nothing. 

Kunigami let out a heavy sigh and laid down on the grass. Above him, white clouds passed over the blue sky, briefly hiding the sun when in the right location. Leaves from the forests’ trees flew with the breeze to fall gently to the ground. 

He raised his hand up to the sky, as if to grab it with his hands. 

“He made it look so easy, huh?”

~

“Hiumi?” 

Chigiri poked Hiumi’s arm slightly with his knuckles. The two stood in front of the front castle’s doors, with Hiumi dressed in the same dress she wore for her soul ceremony and Chigiri in the fancy outfit he always wore for diplomatic affairs. In other words, the ones that the servants chose for him. 

It was a little small though. The sleeves pinched the undersides of his armpits. 

Hiumi was standing in front of him and around the two of them, eight guards stood in their positions. In front and behind them, there were endless rows of soldiers, all holding the kingdom’s flags. They were a few minutes away from marching over the bridge that isolated the castle and into the kingdom’s center town, where a parade was to be held for the occasion.

There, the visiting royal family of the Liberora kingdom would be waiting for their welcome. The diplomatic alliance was not only for political reasons, but for appearances. To boost the morale of a kingdom being tarnished by the ongoing violence of the outskirts, where hundreds of people were being killed by monsters a day. It was their job to maintain the appearance of strength and confidence. 

And yet, Hiumi stood dazed in front of Chigiri, staring at the doors.  

“Hiumi?” he said again, this time poking her twice.

“Hm?”

She finally turned around to Chigiri, who looked at her with a slightly annoyed expression. He gestured to the guards around them.

“They’re waiting for you.” 

She stared at him silently, then swiftly turned back around. 

“Right,” she finally said.  

She commanded the group’s departure and like that, the guards in front started moving. 

As they crossed the bridge beyond the castle’s frontyard, Chigiri looked down briefly. Below them, the river flowed calmly and smoothly several feet down, purposefully dug deeper to create the line of separation between the townspeople and the home of the royal family. 

Beyond the bridge, the entry into the town was marked by a distinct lack of trees nearby and a massive wall enclosing it, with large double doors stretching several feet above them. As soon as they stepped near it, the heavy doors slowly scraped open. 

Cheers and applause met their arrival. The crowds were held back by the towns’ stationed guards but nonetheless, hundreds of hands and arms reached out to them. The words “Prince Hyoma” and “Princess Hiumi” echoed and boomed as the chants came together in unison. The sounds were loud enough to make Chigiri feel like the ground shook beneath him. 

In front of him, Hiumi waved her hand to the crowds, with a polite smile on her face. 

Chigiri couldn’t bring himself to do the same. 

The rest of the parade followed behind them. Although only Hiumi, Chigiri and the guards were part of the royal ensemble, the rest of the town took the event very seriously. They had independently developed their own displays, performances, and presentations to come behind them. Beyond the crowds, pressed against the edges of the streets, vendors and booths invited passbyers to make another sale. The townspeople had street food in their hands and fans and posters held up that all looked suspiciously alike. 

For them, this day was another excuse to engage in blind happiness, blissfully ignorant to the dangers that existed both inside and out of the sheltered town that served as a “capital” for the kingdom. 

In the distance, Chigiri heard a gentle flute playing. Likely a solo as part of another performance. Even among the commotion of the crowds, its high notes struck through them all to deliver a fast and beautiful melody. While he walked mindlessly and distantly in the parade full of empty life, he kept his ears focused on the sound, as if it were a railing guiding him through the ceremony. 

But the sound of an explosion quickly shut down the gentle melody. The crowds erupted into screams. 

A sharp fear struck through Chigiri. 

Is it a monster attack? He thought to himself. 

He moved his hands to his chest, ready to launch an attack, only to hear another wave of screams ripple through the crowd, accompanied by laughter and giggles. 

He finally looked up. Instead of smoke and fire, there were colors being drawn in the sky. Colors erupted into the sky in another stream, seemingly coming from the ground. It was a magic show being performed, and a high-level one at that. Chigiri couldn’t even recognize some of the spells being performed. 

The townspeople surely couldn’t either, but they loved it regardless. Their applause and excited cheers grew even louder during the performance and they continued well after the show’s end. 

Who did that show…?

But as soon as the thought crossed his mind, a horn sounded into the air. The cheers of the crowd wisped away as they all fell immediately silent. 

Chigiri blinked back into reality. 

The guards of the front ensemble parted apart and walked to position themselves in the back. Even their guards by their sides took a few steps back, until it was no one but Chigiri and Hiumi in front of them all. 

They were standing in front of the transportation station. The one that connected this kingdom to the network holding every kingdom in the region. On either side of the entrance stood two guards. Their uniforms and armor distinctly marked them as guards of the Liberora Kingdom, along with the sigil embroidered on their sleeves and the yellow color that popped out. 

However, while most of them were just as large and tall as the guards Chigiri was familiar with, one appeared smaller and younger than the others. It was a boy presenting himself as a guard. He looked barely older than Chigiri himself, but his face, partly hidden by a helmet, already held a few scars and his eyes were turned downwards into a serious yet empty stare. 

Standing in front of the station’s entrance, the Liberora royal family waited for them. There were 3 of them, much less than Chigiri was expecting. 

Two were adults, who he guessed were the King and Queen. Their presence and appearance were nothing short of elegant, molded into perfection. The third one, however, was a young boy, around Chigiri’s age as well. He had blunt bangs and his hair reached to the bottom of his neck before flaring out, where the yellow undersides popped among his dark hair. The boy had a wide excited smile on his face and eyes that were bright, wide and glowing, something that stood out among his “perfect” appearance. 

The two families bowed. If the Liberora King and Queen were concerned about the absence of their parents, they did not show it. They shared a civil smile and exchanged a few customary greetings. 

As the two families walked back to the direction of the castle, still subject to the applause and cheers that met them, Chigiri heard another faint but equally celebratory explosion above him, just like before. 

Curious, he caught the gaze of the boy, the prince of the family. The boy’s hands moved to send another stream of colors into the sky as he giggled along with the cheers of the crowd. As the boy saw Chigiri, he grinned wider and waved.

Unlike the smiles of most people that Chigiri came across in the castle and the kingdom, this one was genuine and sincere. He truly felt the boy’s heart through his smile. 

When they finally arrived, they entered the great hall of the castle. The guards dispersed before they walked through the entrance, likely to return to their stations. Hiumi bowed once again for the visiting family. 

“Thank you for coming to our aid during this great ordeal. We hope this is not an inconvenience for you and your kingdom. Please, you are welcome to treat this castle as a temporary home as an extension of our gratitude.” She slipped her hand to place it on Chigiri’s head and pushed it forward, forcing him to bow as well. 

Now that they have entered the ballroom of the castle, the only eyes on them were the personal guards and the high ranking officials that have come to participate in the affair. The unspoken rule of courtesy and civility placed their positions several feet away from them, as if to keep them from not stepping into the world of treasured royalty. While Chigiri bowed, he stared at the feet of the Liberora family and their fancy shoes that appeared handcrafted. He wondered if similarly, these people stayed closed off in their own world, coating their words with nice but distant voices. 

But to his surprise, he heard a laugh instead. 

“There is no need. We wouldn’t want to overstep into your home, I’m sure you have many doing so already.” The Queen, a lady with light brown hair that touched her shoulders, shared the same bright smile as her son that reached the corners of her eyes. She bowed in turn, gesturing to the other two to do the same. “We are grateful for your courtesy but please, treat us as any other guest.”

Chigiri looked to his side and saw Hiumi taken aback slightly. It was hidden, however, only present in the twitch of her eyes that were ever so slightly wider.

The King cleared his throat. “Indeed. Hopefully, we should return back today, as we wouldn’t want to disturb you and your family further. Thank you for having us. We are in your care.” 

Hiumi smiled in response. It was a smile that, once in the presence of such bright faces, one couldn’t help but feel was dimmed by dark gray clouds, threatening to rain. It was then, too, that Chigiri noticed the dark circles under her unchanging eyes, flickering back and forth amongst the family. “I apologize for the absence of our father and mother,” she said finally. “They could not attend, but I will speak on their behalf.”

She placed a hand on Chigiri’s back and pushed him slightly forward. 

“This is my brother, Hyoma. He is only 14, but he will also attend our meeting as a learning experience. I hope this will not cause any trouble for you.” 

Chigiri nodded. “I will not be a disturbance,” he said, implementing as much artificial sweetness in his voice as possible. “I will only watch. So please, do not pay me any mind.” He snuck a glance at Hiumi, who gave no reaction to his performance. 

“He seems like a kind boy,” the Queen chuckled. “But wouldn't it be too early for him? 14 is a bright age, a year of self-discovery and forming relationships. It’s a shame that our society has forced a kid to be pushed into the world of adults, don’t you think?” From anyone else, the comment would have seemed backhanded. Indeed, Chigiri was not excited to begin his duties so soon, but witnessing the attitudes towards him by adults change has made him develop a far stronger distaste for being useless and incapable. Yet, the lady showed no such thing. 

However, she quickly retracted her words. “Of course, I don’t mean you have any ill intent, Princess Chigiri. Oh dear, it did come across that way didn’t it? What I meant to say is your brother seems like he has such a bright soul. I wouldn’t want to extinguish it with our boring pessimism as adults.” She laughed again. 

Hiumi shook her head. “You speak kindly, I would not interpret malice in your words. Rest assured that the happiness of my family is my highest priority. It hurts me as well to force my brother into an important position but unfortunately fate deals cruel realities. I believe this would greatly aid him. However, I understand if you feel uncomfortable doing so. That is not my intention.” 

“Not at all!” the Queen exclaimed. “Oh my, look at us, tripping over our attempts at courtesy. If Prince Hyoma wishes to attend, he is more than welcome to. We would love his youthful presence. But if he doesn’t, it would be a wonderful opportunity to meet our son, Meguru. You see, he doesn’t wish to attend the meeting so we were concerned about what to do with him. He’s the same age and is quite a lively boy. We’re afraid he might wander off on his own.” 

The boy, Meguru, as if on cue, was staring at the stained glass window and started walking towards it. The Queen yanked him back by the collar of his blouse. Meguru yelped. 

“Only if he wishes to of course,” the Queen said. 

Hiumi looked back and forth between them and then back to Chigiri. While he expected for her to subtly tell him to decline the offer, she instead gestured for him to make his choice. “What do you want to do, Hyoma?”

Meguru was paying attention to the conversation now, with his eyes glued to Chigiri. He smiled. “You were the one that liked my show, right?” He raised his hand up for a handshake. Despite the boy being the same age as him, and in fact slightly smaller, his hands were on the rougher side. His smile was earnest, no doubt, but it had just a tint of mischievous intent behind it. 

“Nice to meet you. I’d be happy to play with you.” 

Chigiri thought to himself. He didn’t want to attend the meeting, as it would likely last for hours. By the time it would finish, it would already be near sunset. He didn’t know what to think of Meguru, but he didn’t seem bad or malicious. He appeared genuine at least, as if he truly was excited to meet him. It was rare for him to meet someone who acted that way around him, someone who wasn’t distant and scared of being punished just for talking to him. The closest experience would be when he met Kunigami, but even then, Kunigami didn’t truly warm up to him until a while after they met. 

For the first time, Chigiri was met with the vulnerable feeling of being welcomed, even if it was partly due to his status. 

Chigiri raised his hand and took the handshake. 

“Nice to meet you too.” 

He nodded to Hiumi. “I can accompany him and show him around the castle.”

Hiumi didn’t say anything for a second. Her eyes, always narrow and distant, focused on Chigiri, as if to telepathically ask if it was what he truly wanted. But the longer she looked at him, her eyes softened until they closed calmly. 

“Alright. Just avoid off-limit areas and come back when the sun starts to set, okay?”

He nodded again. 

However, just before the two boys could go their separate way, Hiumi called over two of the personal guards that had been standing by. The guards, stiff as ever, walked up to stand by Chigiri sides as Hiumi handed them little devices, ones that he recognized as keys to open certain doors.

“Accompany them. Protect them if needed.”

The guards saluted at their orders. 

Chigiri’s mood quickly turned sour. “I don’t need the guards. We’ll be in the castle. I’ll just be showing him the rooms.”

“This is just precaution. We need to be careful.” 

“Precaution for what? This is unnecessary.”

“Hyoma, I’m just-”

“If I may.” Queen Yuu interrupted, clearing her throat. She seemingly sensed the tense atmosphere and glanced between the two siblings. “If you are concerned about safety, we’d be more than happy to provide one of our guards to protect the two of them. Of course, being adolescents, they can be quite rebellious and may resent adult interference. We have a guard that is their same age and is more than capable of ensuring their safety. Perhaps it can also help them be more comfortable.”

The Queen turned back and called over one of their personal guards. Chigiri immediately recognized the guard as the same boy from the transportation station. He wore no armor or helmet now, allowing his appearance to be seen clearly. 

He had dark hair with bangs where the middle section parted into a V-shape and the rest framed his eyes on either side. He held a similar broody expression as before but now, his age could be seen more clearly in his features. Undeniably, this was a boy no older than 14 that couldn’t help but view the world with big and shiny eyes. 

The boy bowed once he approached the two princes, mumbling a phrase of courtesy. 

“Would this be sufficient, Princess Chigiri?” asked the Queen.

Hiumi snuck a glance back at Chigiri. She sighed. “Yes… I believe so. Hyoma, let this boy accompany you, just for today.”

The boy made no reaction. He stared straight forward and Chigiri, watching his gaze, turned away. 

“Fine.” 

A few moments of silence followed but it was quickly cut short by Meguru’s running steps forward. He took Chigiri’s hand and tugged him forward, throwing Chigiri off guard. “Come on, let’s go! You have a practice room around here right? I want to see how good your magic skills are~” 

The boy that now served as their personal guard was already a few steps ahead of the two of them. 

Chigiri still felt hesitant but Meguru smiled cheekily at him. “Or maybe you’re worried I’m better than you are?” 

“Better than me? Not a chance,” he responded immediately. His hesitatation was quickly replaced by a competitive and spiteful drive. Not wanting to lose, he squeezed Meguru’s hand tightly. “Alright, I’ll take your challenge. Let’s see if you can keep up.”

“Alright, come on then!”

The two ran off and disappeared after a turn beyond the room’s doorway, leaving only their voices to echo behind. 

The Queen laughed. “What lively children.” 

Hiumi tightened his fist and looked down at the ground. Her distant eyes reflected a disappointed melancholic expression, targeted at no one but herself. 

“Thank you, Queen Bachira,” she finally said. 

She felt a hand touch her shoulder and looked up to see the Queen stood over her, her face nothing but sympathetic. 

“Please, call me Yuu.” She smiled gently. “We look forward to working with you.” 

~

“Woah, so this is the garden?”

Chigiri held a hand against the door to prop it open. They were at the very back of the castle, where surveillance was minimal and the newly built walls were smooth and clean. The exit they were at opened to the castle’s garden, a large area encapsulated by a fence where every type of flower and plant one could dream of resided. Some were larger than others, reaching up towards the sky, while other areas appeared more like a prairie. 

The garden had been maintained and treasured for generations, but now, it is a little more than forgotten. Nonetheless, Chigiri decided to demonstrate it anyway. As expected, Meguru’s eyes lit up at the sight.

He rushed towards it, tugging along the guard boy with him by the arm as they crossed the door frame. Looking at the flowers, he pointed at each one he came across and asked the boy what kind they were, and the boy would answer nonchalantly. 

What a weird pair, Chigiri thought. 

He used his magic to create an item to prop the door open before following after the two. 

“Hey Hyoma, who takes care of this garden?”

Chigiri perked up slightly. Meguru was all the way at the end of the garden, right by the fence. He had since let go of the boy and was squatting down by a bush full of flowers, grazing them with his fingertips. 

“The servants do,” Chigiri said. He walked up to where Meguru was. “We don’t have any staff specific to the garden, so they do the cleaning and upkeep and stuff.” 

“Oh. No wonder some of them look wilted then.”

“Huh?”

Chigiri looked down to where Meguru was staring at. The flowers he was attending to were in perfect condition. They don’t look wilted…? He thought. 

“You’re thinking I’m completely wrong, right?” 

“N-no but I mean…”

Meguru jumped up and spun a bit in the air, crossing his arms behind his back. He smiled at Chigiri, only this time, they didn’t reach his eyes. “Whoops, my bad there.” He laughed. 

He gestured over to the guard boy. 

“Isagi was one of the garden staff before he got promoted to a soldier. Right, Isagi?” 

The boy only responded with a nod.

“He was amazing at it. The flowers were so happy when he took care of them. He was serious about it too! He didn’t let anyone else touch the ones he liked the most and got angry when the staff would miss a day,” Meguru laughed. “There was this one time-” 

“Prince Bachira, I don’t think he needs to know the details,” the boy, who Chigiri now knew as Isagi, interrupted. Chigiri looked over to see him looking at one of the flowers intensely. However, at a closer glance, he noticed the faint blush on his cheek and ears. 

However, Meguru didn’t catch it. Instead, he got instantly distracted by another group of flowers a few feet away and rushed towards it.

“Oh, look at this one! Isagi, come over here!” 

For the next one to two hours, Meguru tugged the helpless Isagi, and sometimes Chigiri, around the large garden. To be honest, if Chigiri knew that he was going to be so interested in the garden, he wouldn’t have brought him here. He was not planning on spending more than a few minutes at the garden. Now, Chigiri was getting real sick of looking at the flowers. 

But what interested him enough to keep him around was Meguru Bachira. The boy had a truly special gift: to keep one’s eyes totally focused and interested in him. His expressions were completely open yet a wall separated him from the stares he attracted. One could tell exactly what he was feeling or thinking and yet, the “why” was utterly unexplainable. It was not just flowers. Even the sky, the bugs on the ground, the breeze as it swept through had his attention. He looked at everything with intrigue and in turn, one couldn’t take his eyes off him, if only to see what expression he made next. It made no sense why this boy gave his attention to everything around him.

It was like he was truly in love with every single part of the world around him. 

After a while, Chigiri plopped down on the grass, utterly exhausted. If he was considered an energetic kid, he doesn’t even know what Meguru would be classified as. 

As if on cue, Meguru called after him. 

“Hyoma! What are you doing?”

“I’ll just be…resting for a bit.. Go on without me.” 

Meguru said something else, but Chigiri stopped listening. It wasn’t until he heard footsteps come up beside him that he opened his eyes. Out of his peripheral vision, he saw the outline of the guard boy, Isagi, sitting down beside him. 

Up till that point, the two of them had only spoken to Meguru but not each other. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes.

“Aren’t you going to follow the human tornado around as, you know, part of your duties?” Chigiri said nonchalantly. He had considered speaking more politely, but the words came out as they did and he didn’t bother to correct it. 

“I can watch him from here. The way he is right now, he will not notice I am gone.” 

He didn’t look exhausted like Chigiri but his stiffness wore off the longer they sat. Chigiri looked back up at the sky. He laid down and sighed. In the silence, he became painfully aware of his own heartbeat and the way the grass poked his skin. 

“How long have you been a guard?” he asked. 

“One year.” Isagi responded. 

“And how did that happen? Aren’t you too young?”

“I became a soldier at 11 and they made me a guard two years later.” 

“Huh…”

A fly landed on Chigiri’s shoulder. 

“Why did you decide to be a guard?”

“...It was not my choice.” 

The fly did not move. It walked up his shoulder, sniffing the fabric of his blouse. 

“Do you ever hate it?”

“Do you mean being a guard?”

“Being something you never chose to be. Doing these duties you never wanted to do. Having your future laid out for you without leaving you with a choice.”

“It doesn’t matter one way or another. It will happen regardless, whether I hate it or not.” 

A breeze ran through the air.

“Maybe you’re right.” 

“Isagi! Hyoma!” Meguru called out. The fly on Chigiri’s shoulder flew away. Chigiri looked over to see Meguru by the edges of the garden, near the fence. He was practically slung over it. “Come over, I found something!” Judging by the way he was pointing at the ground, it was probably another rock or a bug or something. Now that he was a distance away, his expression was not enough not enough to enrapture Chigiri, leaving him in a daze wondering how to escape. 

How many more hours until that stupid meeting is over?

“Hey, Isagi, maybe we should make a run for it or somet-”

But when Chigiri looked over in hopes of finding someone who shared his annoyance, he saw no such thing. Instead, Isagi was staring at Meguru fondly in the distance, with a soft smile on his face. Pink coated his cheeks and ears. 

Oh, so that’s what it is.

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

Isagi immediately turned to Chigiri, the bright red replacing the soft pink on his face. His emotionless face twisted into an embarrassed and flustered expression. He looked vulnerable and small. “Um..”

For the first time, he actually looked like a normal kid.

“You’re saying I’m wrong?” Chigiri teased further. 

Isagi looked away. 

“Drop it.” 

“You’re lucky. You get to be close to him all the time. I bet when he gets a soulmate, he’ll still have you.” 

Isagi did not say anything for a moment. Chigiri wondered if he said something wrong but before he could clarify his words, the boy mumbled something instead. Unlike before, he looked directly at Chigiri. 

“That isn’t true. Luck doesn’t exist for people like me.” 

Isagi’s words threw Chigiri off guard, along with the immense sadness that drenched it, like a waterfall disguising its sobbing for a beautiful stream.

“What are you-?” 

“What are you two talking about?” 

Isagi and Chigiri jumped. Behind them was Meguru, crouched on his knees and close between them. Chigiri quickly jumped away while Isagi froze where he sat. Meguru giggled a bit but a sharp curiosity was present in his gaze, flickering between the two of them. 

Chigiri gathered himself together and shook his head, waving his hand off. “Nothing important. We were just rambling, waiting for you to finish. Did you find anything interesting?” 

“Not really, it escaped before I could show you. I’m still sad about it, I really wanted Isagi to see it. Anyways, didn’t your sister say we have to return before sunset?” 

 He pointed up at the sky, and at the sun that was touching the horizon. 

“Oh, you’re right. We should start heading back.” 

Meguru peered over to Isagi, who had returned to his usual stoic face. He was a lot more perceptive than Chigiri thought because immediately, Meguru noticed the change in atmosphere when he came over. The cut-off conversation still lingered in the air. 

“Hey Isagi,” he said suddenly, slinging himself over Isagi’s back. His arms wrapped around his neck. “You wouldn’t keep any secrets from me, would you?” 

“No, of course not.” 

Meguru stared at him for a bit. His head rested on Isagi’s shoulder, devoid of any distance at all between their faces. Then he smiled and closed his eyes. “Good. You still owe me, though, for ignoring me.” 

“Hey, I didn’t ignore you.”

“You totally did. You looked me in the eyes and didn’t come over at all.” 

“That’s because you’ve been dragging me around all day. I can’t follow you everywhere.” 

“Why not?” 

“Well because-”

“Hey, I’m still here guys. No need to get all lovey-dovey.” 

Silence followed. 

Wait, what did I just say? Chigiri thought. But as the realization hit him, Meguru laughed. “Are you lonely, Hyo-chan? Sorry about that.”

This time, it was Chigiri's turn to feel flustered. “You two are in your own world sometimes, so I’m just saying-”

“We should get going.”

Isagi got up, allowing Meguru to let go of him. He headed for the entrance door. 

Chigiri glanced over at Meguru, expecting to see him just as confused, only for Meguru to stand up as well and follow silently behind him. “It is getting dark,” he laughed, saying the words under his breath. 

Only Chigiri was left confused and lost.

I don’t think this is something I want to get involved with.

The three of them entered back into the castle. They walked a long distance back to the ballroom. During that time, Meguru caught up to Isagi’s pace and walked alongside him, humming to himself quietly. Chigiri caught up too, but he stayed a step behind. For certain reason, he felt he shouldn’t get too close to the two of them. 

When they entered the ballroom, Hiumi and the rest were there, along with the Queen and King of the Liberora Kingdom. They were talking amongst themselves, along with other royal officials, including the Head Guard, Sir Ladon. Their voices were nothing but hushed whispers. Even Hiumi’s was utterly hidden among them. 

Out of the three of them, Bachira was the first to speak up.

“Hey! We made it…back..”

Concidentally he was also the first to see their faces. His words trailed off and he fell silent. It was a weird feeling for Chigiri, to see a boy so full of energy become as quiet as a fly. Even his energetic movements dropped as his arms fell to his sides. Next to him, Isagi stopped suddenly as well. 

A chill ran across Chigiri’s spine.

Unaware and confused, he stepped up from behind the two of them. The tension made his skin crawl. He spoke up loudly. “Yeah, we’re back. You’ve finished your meeting right?”

Chigiri looked at Hiumi but the first thing he actually saw was Queen Bachira’s face. She had a melancholic look, twisted into an odd calm expression that dripped to the ground. The King held a similar expression, only his held mostly sympathy. They both stood in front of Hiumi, holding her hands and shoulders. Hiumi’s back was turned against him.

“Hiumi?”

Chigiri walked past Meguru and Isagi. At least, he thought he did. The floor felt weirdly distant beneath him. 

It was upon a closer look that he saw the shaking of Hiumi’s body. The trembling of her back and her shoulders, raised and quivering. The Queen and King looked up at him and their faces immediately fell. Chigiri’s blood ran cold. His heart pounded in his ears.

“Hiumi? Hey, what’s going on?” Adrenaline pumped through his body as he reached forward and grabbed her shoulder. 

Hiumi didn’t whip her head around. Instead, she froze. Then, she raised her arms to rub against her face. She turned to see Chigiri staring, as he finally got a look at her face

She held the same smile she always did. The helpless smile that said “let me take care of it all.” The adult smile that had always pushed him away. The smile she hid herself behind.

“Hyoma.” 

The smile that belonged to Princess Chigiri. 

“Please, go to your room.” 

[saph-writes]

Im sorry for the people waiting for a fic update its exam week rn so my mind is just 😭. Bad news is that I don’t think I’ll be able to update this week either bc I got papers to write and tests to take and yadayada. Good news is that it should be soon. Im 5k words into chap 6 so I don’t have much left to do. Weekend is probably a no-go bc I got work all-day but it should be out by sometime next week. Hopefully. 

Or I could just forgo my studying and research papers and go all in on finishing the chapter today who fucking knows really. Even my mind is a mystery to me.

[saph-writes]

a winter's song attempt at warmth

ao3 link:

Summary: a Kaiser character study of what love means to a unloveable boy.

Words: 2120

During the winter, brand new coats of snow cover the premature grass as they settle beneath the clouds of the long nights finally raising its darkness away. Taking short shifts, the sun rose steadily each morning, sometimes hidden in the sky while other times blinking sleepily among the passing clouds. The transition from the darkness of night to the light of morning came early during the winter amidst the busy snow, but Kaiser woke up in time for it everyday. 

For the moment where the town, always bustling with people brushing by one another and filled with countless sounds, lay dormant and alone. Rather than being harsh and violent, the silence provided comfort. He’d sneak inside the abandoned buildings he became familiar with, like close friends he’d perhaps have in another life, stepping up to the rooftop high enough for the grounds to appear small and insignificant beneath him. 

For a loveless being like himself, this was a form of love for him. He had even come to appreciate the painful freezing cold that bit and pricked his skin. 

On a particularly cold day, Kaiser did this as usual. He sat on top of a building a few streets away from home, barely at sunrise, with his legs hanging off the edge. 

His father wouldn’t be awake for another few hours. But once he did, he needed to have food ready for him. Kaiser knew he was wasting the precious moments of the morning he had to work by appreciating the scene of the desolate town but in all honesty, he couldn’t find the will to care. The ache of the bruises on his arms and legs were wearing off and the bandages he clumsily wrapped were coming undone. Yet another routine he had each day, just like that of the sun, rising and falling with the passing night. 

In the sea of numbness across his body, he rubbed his neck, wincing slightly at the pain. Only his neck had remained painful.

His hand fell to the side, grazing the snow settling on the rooftop. He brushed some of it off while taking other clumps to squeeze in his hand, until he felt the painful freeze against his palm. He winced again, but kept going nonetheless. Until he could no longer feel the cold in his hand at all. 

Kaiser sighed and laid completely on his back. His legs remained hanging off the building but his thighs, torso, and head buried itself in the blanket of snow. He stared up at the sun, and the beautiful light blue of the winter. If he squinted, it appeared as if it were softly smiling down upon him and the falling snow was its long hair brushing against his face. 

“I’m off to work again,” he said to the sky. “Wait for me here.” 

Kaiser couldn’t have been older than 9 years old. 

He stuffed his body into the hoodie he wore everyday, the one he stole from the department shop around the corner. Fuzzy on the inside, he buried his head in it and wrapped the sleeves over his hand. With his hands in hoodie’s pocket, he left the rooftop and out of the building. 

He coughed into his hand, then watched his breath make little white puffs in the air. A prickling pain cut into his throat. Sniffling, he rubbed his nose and pushed the neckline of his hoodie above his mouth. 

Kaiser snuck into his usual convenience stores. The ones where the sole employee laid sleeping on the counter or down at their phone. They’d sneak a peak at Kaiser at times coming in, but it wouldn’t interest them for long. Their boredom gave him enough time to sneak the food he needed into his pocket and slip out once they were distracted. 

By the time he finished collecting everything he needed, the sun, too, had made a considerable portion of the way up. The lonely streets filled with people once again, mostly tired adults coming in for their early morning shift. Many didn’t spare a glance down, at the boy quietly walking by, his nose and mouth buried in his hoodie, his forehead flushed and his breathing sporadic. 

Instead of worrying about his hot face, he clutched the items he stole in his pocket closer against his stomach. During times like these, he always felt the ache of his bruises stronger than before. 

But as a result of hiding his face and looking closely at the ground, Kaiser did not look at his surroundings. For that reason, before he could prevent it, he struck someone head-on, and he fell back hard on the ground. 

His arms instinctively went behind him to catch his fall, causing him to wince at the resulting pain striking up to his shoulders. The fall also caused the hoodie to be released away from his face. The cold air entered his throat and struck it. He began to cough violently. 

“Oh dear god, are you okay?”

Kaiser covered his mouth and looked up. In front of him was a young woman with long dark hair and downturned eyes. Her voice was sweet, like the sounds of birds chirping in the spring. Her mouth was slightly open and her hand was raised in front of her, attempting to run between the lines of comforting the child and being defensive. Her expression twisted as her eyes laid upon him. 

“You’re not hurt are you?” By this point, the woman abandoned her defensive position and crouched down in front of him. She was far too close for comfort. 

What is she doing? Kaiser thought. He inched away from her, but this pulled his hand away from his mouth. The cold drew out another tear-inducing cough while his forehead and cheeks remained flushed and hot. He belatedly realized how heavily he had been breathing. How desperate he was to just breathe. 

The woman was doing something strange. She mumbled something, turned, then shuffled around in her bag. Among her words to herself was “fever,” something Kaiser knew had to do with being “sick.” 

In the movies his father watched, the ones he snuck a peek at behind the door of his room, a child became sick and their mother nursed them to health, sitting by their bed with a sad expression on their face. 

Kaiser looked up at the woman. She was making the same expression. And it was directed at him. 

The woman grabbed something and clutched it. “Here, let me help you.” 

Her hand reached towards him. 

In a split second, Kaiser lost all ability to breathe and think. The hand was no longer that of the woman, but of his father, ready to grab him for another hit. 

He jolted back. He immediately covered his head with his arms in a defensive position. His throat fought back, coughing up saliva and phlegm. 

He stumbled onto his feet and bolted past her. Her yells after him grew evermore distant with every second he ran, until her voice and that hand had long disappeared behind him. But even so, he kept running, covering his mouth with his sleeve. Until he arrived at an empty street, where the wind whipped around him and the cars screeched in his ears. He felt his pockets once again. 

Nearly all the food was there. However, he had dropped a piece of bread. His breaths came out fast and short. 

“Shit…” He mumbled to himself. He collapsed to his knees and covered his head with his arms. The scene of his father’s hand with the woman played in his mind, then again, and again. 

“Piece of shit. You ran away. It’s not like it’ll be any different.” Tears pricked his eyes. He saw the woman’s expression again, her sad expression. Just like those he saw in the movies filled with loved children. 

He angrily wiped his eyes and grabbed his neck. It pulsed in pain beneath his fingertips. The sleeves dropped down and the rough material of the cheap bandages scraped his face. Every movement taunted him now. Every sensation was torture. 

“Stupid piece of shit.”

He moved his hand to grasp the food beneath the fabric. In the distance, a bell rang nine times. The snow tickled and kissed his hands. Kaiser wiped it off and got back on his feet. With another breath, these feelings and sensations would be gone.

And so it goes. 

He wondered how his father would hit him today. 

~

Kaiser opened his eyes. Instead of the sun peering through the window in its daily sunrise, he was staring at a wall made of metal panels nailed together. Instead of the bruises that were more of a nuisance than anything, the ache of a previous day’s training inched all over his body. He didn’t hear his father’s snoring, but instead of the shuffling of the other Bastard Munchen members, readying themselves for another day of training in the Neo Egoist League.

A sense of annoyance crept up on him. He had another dream about that bastard again, even though he was long over that period of his life. 

He blinked at the fuzziness encapsulating his vision. When he shifted to be more comfortable, resting his cheek on a colder side of the pillow, he belatedly realized how hot his face was. His breathing was going mainly through his mouth. When he took a breath in through his nose, he sniffled at his own congestion. An itchy prick buried itself in his throat. 

He was sick. How annoying. 

Kaiser closed his eyes again and moved the blanket up over his shoulders, against his mouth. Distantly, whispers circulated in the room until footsteps washed it away, going into and out the hall. Then, the room remained silent once again. 

Shitty body, he thought to himself. 

The silence tapped the walls. It was cold like winter’s air but brushed against him like a soothing hand. It knew not to get too close, but it grazed him just enough to hurt. Kaiser breathed into the fabric of the blanket. 

However, just before the silence could begin to blare in ears, it was shattered by footsteps approaching the door. The sound was behind him, but he recognized it all the same. The door slid open and it entered the room.

“Kaiser?”

Just like a sad puppy, Kaiser thought. He knew this, he always does, but it never makes him stop hating it. The pain of the silence lifted completely away from him. 

“What do you want,” he said. He didn’t say it like a question, but rather a demand. 

Ness stepped closer to his bed, clearly attempting to be as quiet as he could without disturbing him. When he spoke, a sickening sweetness dripped in his voice.

“Are you alright? The others said that you were sick...” 

“They don’t know what they’re talking about. I’ll be up in an hour. Let me sleep.” Kaiser’s eyes were wide open now, but he stood by what he said. He buried his head in his arm, scraping the rough texture of his shirt against his face rather than the softness of the pillow. He breathed in deeper, hitting that painful itch once again at the back of his throat. All of the feelings and sensations of these pains soothed him once again. 

From behind him, Ness stepped slightly closer. He stopped, then took another step, disrupting the silence with every one. Until finally, Kaiser felt the bed dip at its end and a weight pressing against his feet. Before he could say anything, Ness spoke instead. 

“It’s lonely being here by yourself. So I thought I might keep you company.”

“Don’t you have anyone else to be with?” Kaiser mumbled, filling his voice with as much spite and malice as he could. Anything to drive him away and leave him to suffer alone. 

“You’re the only one I need,” Ness said. He had a smile in his voice. “I’m happy as long as I can be with you.”

Kaiser did not say anything. Instead, he opened his eyes, and kept his gaze steady on the gray metal wall in front of him. He tried to focus on the painful sensation in his throat or the sickness’s heat flushing his face, but he couldn’t. Instead, he listened to Ness’s steady breathing. 

“I’ll go get some food from the cafeteria.”

Kaiser simply grunted. 

The door slid open and closed and the footsteps disappeared into the hall. Kaiser, once again left alone, only had the company of the silence now. The silence, dead as winter. 

The feeling of human warmth by his feet lingered. 

His body was so cold by comparison. 

[saph-writes]

A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats - Chapter 5

ao3 link:

Words: 3801

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 6

“What do you think you’re doing?”

Chigiri froze. Panic started to set in but before he could do anything drastic or act in the moment, he realized that a few feet in front of them was a boy stepping into the forest. The boy could not have been more than 7 years old. 

The guard passed right by them and began reprimanding the child.

“No one is allowed in the forest.”

“B-but my ball got-”

SLAP

Chigiri sucked in a breath. Shock kept him frozen. He had never seen guards hit a townsperson before, even at the castle where the kids often misbehaved. But this guard did so with such confidence it was like he was used to it. He’s done this routine before. 

Chigiri’s hands trembled and tightened into a fist. 

The guard yelled in the kid’s face. “Do not talk back to me! You are a disgrace to your family. You may be too young to experience the consequences of your actions, but your parents will bear it for you. Come here.” The guard took the child’s hand and started dragging him out of the forest. The boy cried and tried to pull away from his heavy grip. 

Chigiri could hardly focus with the anger overflowing him. But just as he stepped forward to punch the guard’s face, his arm was pulled back. 

It was Kunigami. He shook his head. His expression was solemn, but in his eyes, there was a glimpse of fear. Chigiri bit his tongue and pulled his arm back.

The guard and the boy were already gone. And Chigiri couldn’t do a thing. 

They continue walking around the edge of the town. This town was very different compared to the one that was near the castle. The houses were less well-put together and there were a lot more guards around. The streets were crowded but unlike the festivity of the previous town, these people were hurriedly moving along to their destination, avoiding each other’s glances.

This is where Kunigami lived…, Chigiri thought. 

BANG

Screams erupted in the distance. Chigiri and Kunigami stopped as the ground beneath them trembled slightly. In the sky, dark black smoke rose into the blue color. 

Without a second thought, Chigiri bolted towards the noise. Since he had let go of Kunigami’s hand, he couldn’t see him but he heard his footsteps following closely behind him. When they finally arrived at the source of the commotion, guards already surrounded the area. The townspeople were panicking and running away, all screaming and yelling. In the center, the broken frame of a house laid half-destroyed. 

However, there was something else in the house. 

Something big and towering several feet above everyone else. 

It looked like a bear, but instead of fur it had disgusting green slime covered in dirt, leaves, and red liquid. Its eyes were small and entirely black. Its mouth wasn’t even a mouth, but a hole in its face where nothing could be seen inside it. It was rimmed with a dark liquid. 

It was a monster.

Fear immediately engulfed Chigiri’s mind. He quickly turned off the invisibility spell so that he could see Kunigami but when he did, he saw a similar look of terror on his face. He was frozen, staring directly at the beast. 

“Get back, everyone! Run to district 10!”

“Aim for the head!”

“Do whatever you can, just kill it!”

As the guards yelled at one another amidst the screams, Chigiri spied a young boy trying to run towards the house. A guard was holding him back, but he screamed and pushed him away.

“Mom! My mom is still in the house! Save her!” 

“Get back kid!” 

As he thrashed around, the guard hit the boy squarely in his neck. The boy collapsed into unconsciousness. 

His words were in vain because no one was looking inside the house. Only the monster, which stood silently in the middle of the rubble while spells were thrown right and left towards it. 

However, when Chigiri looked at the ground of the once-stable home, his heart stopped. There were splashes of red. 

To his horror, he sees a woman’s head rolling over. She didn’t even have a neck and her eyes were bulging out. It had been ripped off completely from her body.

Chigiri felt like he was going to be sick. 

He glanced over at the guards, who were struggling in the battle. Even though the monster was not attacking back, its large size made it far more difficult for the guards to handle. It was hardly budging. 

He could hardly think with the amount of thoughts rushing through his head. But no matter what, the idea of standing by without doing a thing made him even more restless. Even as fear caused his arms and legs to shake. 

Kunigami was still frozen in fear. Or rather, he is looking at the monster with his eyes wide and his arms close to his stomach. Chigiri quickly ran over and shook him back and forth.

“Kunigami!” 

Kunigami blinked and looked at Chigiri. 

“We need to help the guards!” Chigiri yelled. 

Kunigami was still in a daze, but he stepped back. His breaths were heavy but short.

“You can help but… what can I do..?” Kunigami placed his hands on his head. “I’m no help. I can’t be useful. How can I-?” 

Chigiri slammed his hands on Kunigami’s shoulders, causing him to jump. He pointed to the house. 

When he had seen the woman, he had also seen another body, this one still intact and moving. 

“There’s a girl in there trying to get away. I’ll take care of the monster and help the guards kill it. I’ll place an invisibility spell on you while you go help her. Hurry!” 

None of the guards had noticed the girl. When Kunigami spotted her, his expression of fear softened ever so slightly. He sucked in a breath and nodded. 

With another invisibility spell placed on him, Chigiri saw Kunigami disappear and heard his footsteps as he ran off. He then directed his focus to the guards and the monster before them. 

Instead of launching attacks, which may draw unwanted attention towards him, he hid behind a tree and whispered under his breath: power amplification. It was a complex spell, especially for applying to 10 guards, and one he had never performed before, even during his lessons. But he closed his eyes and simply prayed it would work. 

Luckily, the guards’ yells gave him an answer. 

“The monster is going down!”

“It’s getting hurt!”

“Don’t stop now! Bombard it until there is nothing left!”

The sounds of wind slashing the air and explosions hitting the monster’s body continued until a sudden BANG made it all stop. When Chigiri peered from behind the tree, he saw the monster collapsed on the floor. Its body heaved weakly. 

It had been successfully defeated.

Sounds of cheers and celebrations erupted from the guards, slapping one another. Chigiri looked to the side of the house. The girl was gone. Kunigami must have taken her away in time. 

Their focus was no longer on the monster, so Chigiri hid himself and walked up to it. He was invisible, but he was in an area hidden from their vision just in case. On the ground before him, the monster’s eyes were barely open. 

It looked almost peaceful, as if it hadn’t caused terror and destruction for the people of this town. 

“You can hear me right?”

From all that he has heard, monsters were sentient. They could act just like humans. But that was no reassurance. It only made it all worse. 

The monster blinked and its head rose slowly up towards Chigiri. 

Chigiri crouched down and spat in its face.

“You know, I hate this world too. All they care about is soulmarks and excuse their hate for anyone different as fear. But you…I hate your kind the most. You’re the reason the world is like this. Because if you didn’t exist, we wouldn’t have a reason to be scared.”

Chigiri raised a hand up. As he thought about the spell to use to finish it off, the monster closed its eyes and its head started to turn white. It was dissolving and disappearing into the air. A few short minutes later, the monster disappeared completely, like it was never there at all. 

Coward.

Chigiri ran back to the forest before any of the guards could see him. He snapped his fingers to undo all the spells he did and looked around for Kunigami. 

Damn it, why didn’t we agree on a meeting spot before? 

Eventually, he found them right behind the destroyed house, a few yards into the forest. The little girl was crying on the floor and Kunigami was crouched down with her, talking in a low gentle voice. 

“You’re not hurt, are you? Don’t worry, it will all be okay.” 

Chigiri had never seen Kunigami act like that before. 

“Kunigami!” Chigiri ran up to them. “What happened? Is she injured?”

He shook his head. “No. Just some scrapes.” 

Chigiri crouched down to look at the girl at eye-level. “Are you okay? What happened? How did your house get attacked?”

“Chigiri-!”

The girl looked down at the floor, tears still in her eyes. When she spoke, her voice still shook violently like the child she was. “Daddy came back…he was gone for a long time and he came back…yesterday.”

She sniffled.

“We were happy…Mommy and me but…when I woke up… I heard bad noises. Then…” She blubbered and began to wail again. 

Kunigami and Chigiri looked at each other. They shared a look of shock and disbelief. 

The image of the head of the woman he saw rolling on the ground flashed in Chigiri’s mind.  

He picked her up and held her in his arms while she sobbed on his shoulder. She was surprisingly light. “Shh…don’t cry.” He rubbed her back. “Do you know any adults? Any family that can take care of you?”

“...Auntie. They always…were so nice to me…”

Chigiri nodded. “Alright. Take us to Auntie then. Do you know where she lives?”

The girl nodded.

“Let’s go,” he mumbled. But when he started to walk, he stopped. He turned around to see Kunigami staring at the floor with a dazed look. 

“Kunigami?”

“Huh?”

“Come on.”

“Oh. Okay…” 

As they walked away from the forest, Chigiri looked over to the guards still celebrating. They did not glance over once at the destroyed house, nor at the body of the woman. 

In response, he squeezed the girl in his arms a little tighter. 

The household of the girl’s relative was a good distance away, as they walked away from the deserted neighborhood of the attack to the lively area of houses where kids ran in every direction. In this street, there were vendors and food markets set up. Guards still guarded the area, but there was significantly less. Likely because of the monster attack that drew them all away. 

The girl had calmed down enough to be able to look around her surroundings. All of a sudden, she gasped and shook around excitedly.

Chigiri struggled. “Hey, you’re going to fall-!”

“There’s auntie!”

Kunigami, who was walking right beside him, stopped in his tracks. 

Chigiri looked up at where the girl was pointing at. Just a few feet away was a woman standing in front of a house, watering plants outside. She had short hair and a taller frame. Her hair was also orange, just like…

Chigiri glanced at Kunigami. Kunigami’s eyes were wide and his mouth was wide open. 

“Auntie!”

Damn it.

In a split moment’s decision, he put a hand over the girl’s mouth and pulled her and Kunigami into the forest, between two other houses. He ran until he could no longer see the town clearly between the trees. He snapped his fingers, undoing the invisibility spell. 

“Listen.” Chigiri placed the girl on the floor and put his hands on her shoulders. “Don’t tell them about us. Tell them that your house got attacked and you came running for them.”

Chigiri was not good at talking to children, admittedly. It’s not like his voice could go gentle and soft like Kunigami or that he had the tact of Hiumi. But regardless, he remembered the servant kids of the castle and how Hiumi spoke to them to make them understand. He had to try anyway. 

“We might get in very big trouble with the big bad guards if you tell them, okay?”

To his relief, the girl nodded. The light had returned to her eyes and she ran off back into the town. 

Chigiri sighed. 

He looked behind him. Kunigami was crouched down, with his head in his knees. Chigiri bit his lip and walked up to him. 

“You’re going to stay balled up forever?”

Kunigami didn’t respond. Chigiri sighed and crouched down next to him. He laid his head on his shoulder. “If you want, we can leave.”

Kunigami didn’t say anything once again. 

“She’s pretty. Who is she?”

“...My mom.” 

“Your mom, huh. Great genes you have.” 

“...”

“Do you want to leave?”

Kunigami tightens his fist. They sat in silence.

“She was smiling.”

“What?”

“Over there. She was watering the vegetables outside. She was humming and smiling to herself.”

Kunigami shook his head in his arms. 

“How can she still be smiling…?” His voice broke and trailed off. 

Chigiri’s heart tightened in his chest. What can he say? What can he possibly say to someone forced to see everything they had lost? They are only here because of Chigiri’s own demand after all. 

But even so, the words, I’m sorry, stopped halfway up his throat. It didn’t feel right either. 

“I’m sure she misses you.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Maybe. But I’d never forgive them if they didn’t.” 

Because he still wanted to see Kunigami smile without hurt. Maybe that was his own selfish wish, but one he refused to give up. 

Kunigami's head rose up slightly and Chigiri could now see his eyes. They were red and puffy, but his eyebrows were wrinkled together. 

“I’m scared. But… I want to see them. No matter what happens, I want to see them.” 

Chigiri smiled. “That’s the spirit.” 

The two went over to Kunigami's old house. They had an invisibility spell cloaking them from sight and peered in one of the windows. The house is extremely small, much smaller than anything Chigiri had ever seen. In it, the little girl from before was being consolidated by the woman Kunigami said to be his mom. Two other girls were in the household, one that looked older than Kunigami and another that appeared younger. The younger girl was playing by herself while the older one was cooking. 

“Those are..?”

“My sisters.” 

They couldn’t hear anything, but the younger sister ran up to the girl and the mother. She showed her toys to the girl, which made her laugh. The mother let her go and the two ran off to play together.

“She’s always been like that. Excited and energetic,” Kunigami said. His voice sounded fond and full of nostalgia. 

Kunigami’s mom smiled at the two of them and walked out of the home. Chigiri took Kunigami’s hand and ran over to see her, even though Kunigami had to be partially dragged along. 

She finished watering the vegetables and headed for the side of the house. 

The two of them panicked and ran into the bushes, away from the path she was walking towards where they were standing.

“I think she’s going behind the house…” Chigiri whispered. He felt the sweat on Kunigami’s hand and squeezed it, and the two of them nodded at each other.

They followed after her to where she was headed. To their surprise, her destination was located in the forest. 

She did not go very far in. Just a few steps in and she stopped in front of a tree stump, where there was a pile of dirt and some flowers. In her hands, Chigiri realized, was a stick that she lit and set on the dirt. The smoke poured up into the sky. 

She got on her knees and placed her hands together. For a long time, she sat exactly like that.

“She’s praying… maybe for the girl?” Chigiri wondered out loud. Kunigami did not say anything. 

The mom finally looked up and took out the stick. However, she stopped and plucked out the flower as well. 

“It’s been five years already, hasn’t it?”

They stopped. Unlike Kunigami’s view, Chigiri could see part of her face, including her smile and the tear dripping down. 

“I’m sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me. May the Gods grant you the happiness I could never give you.”

A crow cawed in the distance. 

“I love you, Rensuke.” 

~

On the way back to the castle, Kunigami remained silent. He stayed behind where Chigiri walked, holding his hand but looking down at the ground. 

Kunigami’s mind was in a frenzy. He could hardly think. So he stared at the grass beneath them, counting flowers they came across in the lonely forest. Occasionally, tears dripped to the ground. But they came and went, like the ocean’s tides on the shore. 

He finally said something halfway through the journey on the second day, when the sun was high in the sky. 

“When I got killed in the forest by the soldiers, I overheard something they said.” 

Kunigami took long pauses between his sentences as he readied himself. Thankfully, Chigiri was patient enough to stay quiet for his sake. 

“They said that I wasn’t a person anymore. Not a son, not a boy. Because of that, I should be killed. It was my parents’ request.

“I didn’t want to believe it. Because my mom said she loved me. But as I was dying, I heard her voice. She said that if I died, they would be happier. That I was being punished. She said I deserved it.”

Kunigami sucked a breath in. The two had stopped walking. 

“For five years, all I’ve wondered was if that really was her voice. And if it was true that she wanted me dead because of that. I thought that by staying alive, I was hurting her and my family. But all of that was in my head. I believed this voice in my head I thought was her and it became my reason for all this guilt. I felt guilty for being alive. I thought I should never experience happiness, only hurt and despair. That I only live to be punished.”

Kunigami felt like he should be crying, but he wasn’t. Instead of gasping for air, he felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, allowing him to breathe again. 

“But that was never true. She never wanted me to be punished. She only wanted me to be happy. All this time, she just wanted me to be happy.”

So instead he smiled. He allowed himself to smile. 

“I never would have known if you hadn’t brought me there to see my family. Thank you, Chigiri. For making me realize something so important.”

“...”

“Chigiri…?”

To Kunigami’s surprise, he felt himself pulled into an embrace. Chigiri’s arms wrapped around him, along with a warmth that pressed itself into Kunigami's chest. He didn’t know how to respond. His arms were left raised in the air while his heart threatened to burst out of his chest.

“Chigiri?! Hey-!”

“You’re going to let yourself be happy now, right? That also means letting people care about you.” His voice got quieter and he pulled him closer. “So I don’t ever want to hear you putting yourself down again, okay?” 

Oh…that’s right. Chigiri also gets worried, Kunigami thought. All this time, he thought about his family and how they would feel about him being happy, but he had rarely considered Chigiri’s feelings. I’m such a terrible-

Kunigami stopped himself. He looked down at where Chigiri was hugging him and bit his tongue. 

Chigiri does not think of him as a terrible person. So he shouldn’t either. His feelings of guilt and inferiority are hard to suddenly make go away, but they do not have to define him. They are not reality.

Reality is here, where Chigiri never makes him feel alone and his family still remembers him as their son, not a monster. Where happiness is not a reward but a right. These thoughts in his head hold no power here. As long as he holds this belief, he can let go of the control they have over him. 

Kunigami hesitated but slowly, he hugged Chigiri back. Not as a leap to a new direction, but a step. A small step, but a step nonetheless. 

~

When they returned, it was the night of the second day back. Sirens blared in the distance. Kunigami, concerned, looked back at Chigiri, who was already preparing another spell.

“Are you sure you won’t be in trouble?”

“No. Since the sirens just now started sounding, they probably only recently realized I’ve been gone. In other words, they did not realize I had been missing for four days. Idiots. It’ll just be like any other time.” 

Chigiri smirked and winked at Kunigami. “I’ll be fine. Just be careful going back, the guards might go in a bit further this time.” 

Kunigami nodded. “Okay.”

“See you later!” Chigiri waved while running away, already disappearing from the spell. Kunigami waved back weakly. 

However, despite his warning, Kunigami did not leave their clearing. Instead, he sat on the floor, behind on the tree stump. He leaned his head back and stared up at the night sky.

Tonight, there was no moon. Just stars endlessly dotting the dark night. 

His breaths were slow and heavy. He had not realized how exhausted he was from days of walking. It was probably amplified by the fact that he did not transform once after that time in the lake. Now, he was reaping the consequences. 

His body ached horribly. Dirt and mud covered his legs and torso. His clothes were torn and ragged. 

But he didn’t care. His mind was still stuck back at his old hometown, where they witnessed a monster attack firsthand. 

The townspeople running and screaming to get away and the splatters of blood on the beast. The wailing of a young girl who lost her home to it. 

He moved so that he was on his knees. Then, he brought his hands together in front of him and leaned his head forward until it almost touched the ground. 

The position was unfamiliar, but somehow comfortable at the same time. 

“Please. Don’t let me hurt him.”

The warmth of Chigiri’s hug lingered on his body. 

“Please, kill me before I ever get the chance to hurt him.” 

[saph-writes]

A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats - Chapter 4

ao3 link:

Words: 6755

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 5, 6

Age: 13

“I’ve never seen you with your hair down.”

“Hm?” 

Chigiri looked up. The two were in the clearing like always, with Chigiri sat on the tree stump and Kunigami laid down on the grass right next to him. This time, though, Chigiri had a bag of sweets with him that he was eating by himself, despite his insistence for Kunigami to try some. 

Kunigami had been watching the clouds drift in the morning sky when he peeked over to Chigiri and noticed that the left side was not braided like usual. 

Not only that, but Chigiri was not wearing any fancy clothes. He wore a modest blouse and pants that nearly covered his feet. 

Chigiri brushed his hands through his hair. 

“I forgot to style it this morning.” Chigiri sighed loudly and collapsed on the stump. 

“It’s such a pain. The servants always have to barge in and do it for me even though I like doing it myself! They got so upset when they found out that I knew how to.”

“They didn’t teach you?” Kunigami asked. 

“No, I picked it up from watching the servant kids. They don’t like me interacting with them, but that doesn’t mean I can’t watch them. I saw the girls doing weird things with their hair so I decided to learn it too. Then I realized it is what the servants always did for me, so I was happy I could do it on my own. But they got upset and asked where I learned it. Not that I told them, obviously.” Chigiri picked up a strand of his hair and raised it against the sunlight. He stared at it quietly.

“I’m just sick of everyone doing stuff for me.” 

Kunigami squirmed at the sudden unease in the air, so he sat up. He paused but ultimately opened his mouth. “But-”

“Maybe that’s why I get so jealous of you, Kunigami. You can do whatever you want and everything for yourself. No servants, no guards, no annoying sister…” Chigiri said. “It sounds nice.”

A tightness enveloped around Kunigami’s chest. He tightened his hands into a fist, suddenly feeling sweaty. The chirping of birds sung into the sky. Its voice raised itself high into the hair. Kunigami opened his mouth and closed it, then watched the ants scurry across the dirt beneath him. 

“Kunigami?”

“Huh?”

“Are you okay? You weren’t saying anything…”

“Oh! I’m fine…” 

Chigiri stared at him for a bit. Then, he smiled and faced back up at the sky. 

That’s right, I worry him, Kunigami thought. He looked up and saw a leaf entangled in Chigiri’s hair. Before he knew what he was doing, Kunigami reached up and removed it. Chigiri didn’t say anything; he just hummed peacefully. 

His hair is so soft. Kunigami’s hand lingered as he spun a cluster of hair between his fingers. But when he looked up, he saw Chigiri looking at him. Kunigami got startled and mumbled an apology. 

Chigiri shook his head. “I like to play with it too.” He stopped for a moment as his face took on a thoughtful expression. “Do you want to help me braid it?”

“Huh-?”

“Since I forgot and I need to get it done before later today. I like doing it, but it’s hard when I can’t look at a mirror to do it myself.” 

“I don’t think I shou-”

“Oh, come on! Just this one time! Please?” 

Unfortunately for Kunigami, he was not immune to Chigiri’s pleas. He looked to where he was holding the chunk of Chigiri’s hair and stood up. He stood behind him and hovered his hands over the back of his head. However, before Chigiri could move to show him how to braid, Kunigami had already started interweaving the pieces of hair together. Chigiri blinked.

“You know how to?”

“Hm?”

“The braid.” 

Kunigami looked down where his hands were just moving a second ago. “Oh, I guess I do…”

“Haha, what kind of answer is that?” Chigiri laughed. He grew quiet after that and tilted his head back slightly, just enough so that it did not bother Kunigami. “Who taught you?”

Tension prickled Kunigami’s skin. He continued braiding Chigiri’s hair to try to distract himself from it. 

“My sisters.”

“Oh…Really? You have sisters too? Older or younger?”

“One’s older and one’s younger.”

“That sounds nice. What were they like?” Chigiri asked softly.

“They were…fun. They taught me a lot of things and I played with them a lot. We used to run around the forest while our parents yelled at us.”

“Hehe, that makes sense. So they taught you how to braid?”

“Yeah… a lot of the girls in our neighborhood did it, but some of the younger ones struggled. I wanted to help them, so my older sister showed me how.

“Of course you did.”

“But not everyone agreed. The older boys made fun of me for braiding my sister’s hair. They made fun of me for other things too. How I talked, how I walked… It was always a group of the same boys. They hit me sometimes too. But I didn’t do anything because my parents told me to not hit others.”

“So you let them hit you?”

“Yeah, until my older sister found out. She found them beating me up one time and confronted them. She yelled and stood in front of me, even though they were much stronger than her. But she didn’t want to see me hurt. She protected me…and asked me why I let them do that… She got angry and told me to not let myself get hurt. That I am important enough to not let others treat me however they like…”

Kunigami stopped braiding his hair as his vision started to get blurry. He wiped his eyes and realized they were tears. Thick tears engulfing his eyes and streaking down his cheeks.

“That was just a day before…” His voice caught in his throat. 

Chigiri didn’t say anything. Instead, Kunigami stayed silent behind him while Chigiri stared at the grass in front of them. Unsure of how to respond but unable to stand by without doing anything, he raised his hand up to where Kunigami was still holding his hair. He grabbed his hand and leaned against it. His hand was hot against his. 

“I’m sure your family misses you too,” he finally mumbled. From behind him, he finally heard Kunigami’s tears plopping on the grass. 

~

Chigiri ended up returning back to the castle just a few hours after Kunigami braided his hair. But before he left, Chigiri had told him to return back to the clearing just before sundown. Kunigami asked why but didn’t get an answer. Instead, Chigiri responded with a cheeky grin and a finger raised in front of his mouth.

“Just come. And don’t tell anyone.”

Not that Kunigami would have anyone to tell in the first place. 

As he waited for the sun to lower itself closer to the horizon, he sat in the clearing of his and Tei’s. In his hands, he played with the ball given to him by Chigiri after he finally won one of their games. It was a dark brown but the pink outline from his spell was still faintly present whenever he touched it. 

It made Kunigami smile. As if Chigiri’s presence was constantly with him. 

When sundown finally hit, Kunigami arrived at the clearing of their meeting. To his surprise, Chigiri was not there, despite his own insistence to be there on time. But as he sat down to wait for him, Chigiri came bursting from the forest line, sweaty and out of breath. 

“You ran all the way over here?” Kunigami asked.

“Yeah…that dumb head guard…Sir Ladum or Laton or whatever the hell…kept pestering… and…” Chigiri said, bent over between gasps for air. He stood up straight and rubbed his face with his hands. “But I didn’t want to make you wait so I ran as fast as I could.” 

I wouldn’t have minded waiting…, Kunigami thought to himself, but he decided to keep his mouth shut. 

Chigiri raised his arms up and clapped his hands. 

“So! Now that we’re here, let’s get going.”

“To where?”

“It’s a secret.”

“I’m not really fond of secrets…”

“Well, that’s too bad, but if you follow me, then you will see what it is~”

“Sure…”

“By the way, what town did you live in?”

“Diventu, why?”

“...”

As the two walked in Chigiri’s silence, the realization hit Kunigami hard in his stomach. 

“We’re not…”

Kunigami looked up and saw Chigiri crossing over a line of thorny bushes. Dread settled as a bitter taste in his mouth. Kunigami stopped just before it. 

“Chigiri…”

“Hm?”

“We’re not… going there, are we?”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“I don’t- I didn’t agree to this…”

Chigiri stopped and turned around. Kunigami could feel his stare on his pale face. “I want us to go see your family,” he finally said.

“N-No!”

“Why not?”

“Because…” Kunigami looked down. It was like he could feel the world’s weight on his shoulders. “Because they would not want to see me…”

“They’re not going to. We’re just going to see them from a distance. It’s not like we’re going to go up to them or anything.”

“But what if they catch us-?”

“I’ll put an invisibility spell over the two of us. I’ve saved up my energy all day so it should be able to last us the night.” Chigiri looked down at the floor. “Besides, there is no reason why they wouldn’t be happy to see you.”

“..Yes, there is.”

“Which is?”

Kunigami didn’t say anything. He veered his gaze away from Chigiri. Chigiri tightened his fist and spoke in a low voice. “I don’t want this to be a burden on you. That you constantly think your family hates you when you’re not even sure.” He looked up at Kunigami and how his body was slightly trembling. 

Seeing it made his heart ache.

“But I understand if you don’t want to. For what it’s worth, I think this will be good for you. But if you don’t want to, we can head back now, okay?”

Kunigami looked up and noticed how Chigiri’s brows were scrunched up together as he stared at the ground. Like there was an unspoken “I’m sorry” left hanging in the air. In all honesty, Kunigami’s family served as a trauma to him now, a reminder of the life he lost. But when he’d go to sleep at night, he’d dream of them again, of him playing with his sisters and his mother and father hugging him tight. 

Living was hell for him. But these dreams kept him moving. He didn’t know what to do with himself if he lost that as well, if he came face to face with the reality that he was nothing more than a trauma to them as well. A trauma they would rather forget. 

“What if they’re happier now… now that I’m not there…” Kunigami whispered. He spoke it calmly, but the world drew away from him at those words. It still felt like a nightmare he didn’t believe was real. 

“Then they’re pretty bad people,” Chigiri said. “But at least that unknown won’t haunt you anymore. We’ll figure out what to do together.” He held his hand out towards Kunigami. Behind him, the moon peeked over the top of the forest, and had started to shine its moonlight on the ground, and the bushes that separated the two of them. 

Kunigami hesitated and finally raised his hand up. 

The thought of seeing his family scared him. It frightened him to no end. But even if it all comes crumbling down, he’ll still be feeling the warmth of Chigiri’s hand.

He jumped over the line of thorny bushes. Chigiri smiled and squeezed his hand. 

“Are you sure?”

“...If you’re there, I think it’ll be okay.”

“Okay. But if you want to stop, we’ll stop. I’d never want to do anything that upsets you,” Chigiri said. His words were nothing but sincere. Kunigami nodded, and the two began walking. 

“So, where is Diventu?”

“...Huh?”

“Well, I’ve never left the castle, so I don’t know where most of the towns are. That’s why I thought I’d have you lead the way.”

“Oh I don’t… know the path either..” 

“What?!”

However, It didn’t take long for the two to realize that neither of them knew the direction of the town. 

The two eventually agreed to keep walking until they found a nearby town, then Chigiri would disguise himself to ask around for directions. Kunigami worried about being caught, but Chigiri assured him that it’ll be fine since he’ll cast an invisibility spell on him. 

“But wouldn’t that take too much energy to have both spells active at the same time?”

“Not really. Besides, I’ve been practicing a whole lot, so nothing should be a challenge for me.” 

“Uh-huh…”

The two aimed to return by the end of the night but in case they didn’t, Chigiri said that he told his sister to cover for him.

“Wow. And your sister didn’t ask any questions?”

“No she did, I just ignored her.”

“...I’m starting to think this was a lot less planned out than I thought it was…”

As they traveled through the forest, Kunigami noticed the subtle shifts of the landscape. The clusters of trees became sparse and the tall grass became shorter until it was hardly there at all. But most importantly, he noticed X’s on the tree trunks, something he had never seen before. Occasionally, he’ll pass by one with an arrow hit in the middle, and he’ll avert his gaze quickly while clutching the side of his torso. 

Kunigami also noticed the lack of animal sounds along the way. 

Eventually they stumbled upon a dirt path. An arrow was engraved on it pointing ahead. Chigiri, excited to have finally found a hint, tugged Kunigami along as he tried to run forward. However, Kunigami held him back, warning him that they have to be careful. 

“If the path here leads to a town, then we are close to it. They’ll see us if we run. Maybe you should cast that invisibility spell-”

“It’s fine! You can’t even hear anything, so we’re still far away.”

“But if they catch us…” 

“You worry too much, let’s go!” 

Kunigami sighed but allowed himself to be tugged along anyways. Luckily they didn’t run for very long as they quickly became tired, but during that time Kunigami was able to convince Chigiri to cast the invisibility spell. As he did, he grabbed Kunigami's hand.

“That way you can still see me.” 

And he did so just in time because after walking for just a few moments afterwards, they started to hear the sounds of life on the other side of the forest line. The smell of food and smoke drenched the air and laughter rang out. The steps of people walking tapped the ground. 

To Kunigami, it felt all too familiar. 

“Finally, we made it,” Chigiri exclaimed. “Okay, I’ll quickly go in to ask for instructions, then after we can…Kunigami?”

“Huh?”

“You look like you just saw a ghost. Are you okay?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m fine..”

“Okay… how about let’s just watch from the side for now? Maybe we’ll get lucky and there will be a map around here or something.” 

They walked closer to the town until they were right at the forest line, looking out from the space between two houses. The houses were tall and made of wood. Polished wood at that. Kunigami had only ever seen those in the rich neighborhoods of his hometown. 

As they walked around the edge, they eventually found the town’s center. Crowds of townspeople were gathered together, each holding a candle in their hands. Lights decorated the space and food vendors were lined up on the side. Kids ran around, chasing each other between people’s legs. A few couples cuddled up against each other. Every person was dressed in fancy clothes, like those that Kunigami saw Chigiri wear. 

“I forgot it was time already.”

“What time?”

“The Soul hour.” He pointed up at the moon, where it was placed directly overhead them. 

Kunigami vaguely remembered the tradition. Every town had it. Every single night, at the same hour, everyone in the town who was going to turn 18 gathered in the same spot. They awaited the moment the moon would move to the center of the sky. The moment their soulmate would be revealed. 

Kunigami had only attended a few times, for friends of his family. He remembered eating the good food that they gave out for free and playing with his sisters around the water fountain until his mother scolded them. He had watched the people turning 18 gain their soulmate, and excitedly awaited for when his moment would come. However, they suddenly stopped going one year and ever since then, it was a memory that he knew was there but could never recall fully. He had forgotten it completely since then. 

“It’s starting.”

Chigiri was right. The movement of the townspeople suddenly stopped. In unison, they all looked up at the sky and held the candles close to their hearts. Murmurs of prayers whispered settled in the air. Kunigami stepped a bit closer as he saw the first glimpses of a soulmark’s glow. Then several more followed. 

In a heartbeat, all of the candles were blown out, as well as the lights hung up. The only thing lighting up the area was the moon and the soulmarks glowing in the dark. 

Kunigami looked at Chigiri next to him. While Kunigami had watched the spectacle in awe, Chigiri had little to no impression. In fact, he watched the display with his eyebrows wrinkled together, and his mouth incredibly small. 

If he noticed Kunigami’s gaze on him, then Chigiri paid it no mind. 

Among the townspeople, cheers erupted. People yelled over each other, moving and running around to search for others with the same mark as theirs. When they did, excitement appeared on their faces and the people around them celebrated as the soulmates embraced each other. 

Happiness flared like fire in the air. Not only for the soulmates finding each other, but for the kids excitedly imagining for when their own day will come. 

Kunigami wondered what would have happened if he didn’t get lost in the forest. If he had lived like a normal boy. Maybe he would have also felt that same excitement. That same hope that his future held someone who was connected to him by soul and would love him unconditionally. That maybe he wouldn’t be alone forever. 

At that thought, Kunigami looked back at Chigiri and at their hands interlaced together. Even this is just temporary-

“Come on, let’s find another place.” Chigiri clicked his tongue and turned away. “They don’t look like they'll listen to anyone right now.”

Kunigami looked at the town center once again and nodded absent-mindedly. “Sure..”

Compared to the town center, everywhere else was fairly quiet. The paths looked empty except for the occasional pair of soulmates walking by, hand in hand. As Kunigami allowed himself to be tugged along, he noticed the lack of soldiers in the area. Unlike his hometown, there was not one stationed at every intersection. However, as if right on cue, he spotted a lone soldier smoking while leaning against a transportation station. 

While Kunigami moved further away, Chigiri went closer to it. 

“Look, a guard. He probably knows the way.”

“I don’t think we should talk to him..”

“But it is the best chance we got. Look, just wait here for me and I’ll be right back.”

“Chigiri-!” Kunigami loudly whispered but it was too late. 

Before he could grab him, Chigiri had let go of his hand and covered himself in a spell. His long pink hair was cut short and turned brown. His height rose significantly. His clothes shifted from bedtime clothes to the same fancy clothes the townspeople were wearing. He wore a bright smile on his face.

“Hello, mister! Awfully nice night we are having, are we not?”

Despite Kunigami’s fear and anxiety, he couldn’t help but hold in a giggle at Chigiri’s impression of an adult man. Even with his appearance, he still spoke like a kid. The soldier seemingly had the same impression because he looked up and down at Chigiri’s disguise. He blew out the smoke from his pipe and set it next to him. 

“Where is your soulmark, sir?”

“Oh, right, of course.” Chigiri lifted up his shirt to reveal a fake soulmark on the side of his torso. It had a line drawn up his back. He then lifted his collar to reveal another fake soulmark where his collarbone is. The soldier raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Ah, no.” He laughed. “I’m from…Centrubi. Yeah, Centrubi.”

“That’s quite far. You don’t see many of that descent come down here, not with the mess this area has become. Which town?”

“Um..Sora.”

“Ah, Sora. My father is from that town, too. But he was stationed down here many years ago to help with the clean-up and look where I’m at now. Maybe one day I’ll get that promotion to move up there… sure beats surveilling this pesky kingdom with nothing but monster bait, am I right?” The soldier laughed. 

Kunigami immediately grew tense. He remembered hearing similar statements from soldiers stationed at his town. But no matter how much he’d try to ignore them, he could never forget the looks of disdain they held for him and his family. If he is glad with one thing about living in the forest in the monster is that he no longer lived under the scrutiny of these people. 

He looked over at Chigiri. He was not laughing like the soldier, but he still held a smile on his face.

“Well, anyways, you don’t happen to know the area around here, do ya?”

“I only know these parts pretty well, but the outskirts I’m not too familiar with. Are you heading somewhere?”

“Well I need to get over there to.. Ah what is it called, Diventu? Yes, I believe that’s the name.”

The soldier made a face. “That’s pretty far. I reckon it’ll take you days to reach there. Hm.. Here, I don’t normally do this for anyone, but since you’re a pretty civilized fellow, I’ll help you out here. I can let you into these here transportation station. It won’t take you straight to Diventu, but it’ll take you pretty damn close to it. It isn’t normally used for anyone outside of the royal family or security personnel, but I can make an exception for you.”

Chigiri shook his head. “Oh, no, it’s fine, I really would be fine traveling there on my own.”

“Are you sure? The only path there is through the forest, and those are just filled to the brim with monsters nowadays. Centrubi is not like these parts. One mistake and you’re attacked-” He snapped his fingers. “-and dead just like that.”

“I appreciate the concern, but believe me, I’ve been here for a while so I’m not exactly a newcomer. I have my own precautions.”

“Suit yourself.” The soldier shrugged. He searched around his pockets and took out a small device. It was small and rectangular, barely the size of his palm. “In that case, this will help you. Just pour some magic energy into this and it will show you the way. Still won’t be an easy journey, though.”

Chigiri reached out to grab it but the soldier quickly retracted it. “Damn, I forgot. This is just protocol, but I need to check your soulmark before I do anything more. Don’t take this personally.”

The soldier pulled out a device. It was tall and slender and the very end was carved flat, with a turquoise-colored ball implanted in it. He moved to raise up Chigiri’s shirt. Chigiri jolted back. When he looked up, he laughed nervously. 

“Sorry, I’m just sensitive there. Can you do it on my shoulder instead?”

The soldier looked at him suspiciously, but he ultimately shrugged and did what he said. The device blinked twice and he handed him the rectangular device. 

“Here you go. Feel free to shout a greeting if you visit again. People like you are a breath of fresh air around here. If the migration plan goes smoothly, then I’m sure there will be more coming around here soon.”

Chigiri nodded quickly and waved. “I appreciate it, see you around.” 

With that, he walked calmly away until the soldier could no longer see him, then he quickly ran up to Kunigami, who was watching the whole scene from behind a tree.

He waved a finger in his air. His hair turned back to long and pink and his body shrunk. His clothes turned back to normal. As he got rid of the disguise spell, Kunigami noticed how out of breath Chigiri was. 

Chigiri held up the device. “Finally…we have a direction…but he said it will take days.”

“You’re running out of energy. Maybe we should take a break first,” Kunigami said. Chigiri shook his head.

“I’m fine. If we stay in the forest and away from the towns, then I won’t have to do any more spells. Let’s just…” Chigiri trailed off and took in another deep breath. He snapped his fingers and Kunigami felt the invisibility spell wear off on him. Chigiri leaned against a tree.

“Damn it…I thought I had more stamina than this…”

“Let’s just rest for a few hours, away from the town.”

“...Fine.”

Chigiri got up to walk on his own, but he was quickly stopped by Kunigami’s arm. “Let me carry you.”

Chigiri shook his head. “You don’t have to do that.”

“But I want to.”

“I’ll just slow you down.”

“Fine by me.”

The two stared at each other. 

Chigiri let out a big sigh and leaned against a tree. “Whatever.”

Kunigami picked him up on his back, holding Chigiri’s arms around his neck so that he didn’t have to put too much energy to hold on to him. He was surprised at how light Chigiri was, even though he was technically older than him by just a few months. 

After walking for a while, they found a lake the size of a family’s home. Several logs were scattered around as seating areas.

“Do you think people will show up here?”

“The lake doesn’t exactly look clean, so probably not,” Chigiri muttered.

Kunigami set Chigiri down on one of the logs. Almost immediately, he laid down, placing an arm on his forehead. Concern bubbled in Kunigami’s chest.

“If you were that tired, why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“It’s not that bad… I’ve felt worse during practice…”

“That’s not a good thing either.”

As Chigiri laid on the log, staring up at the sky, Kunigami sat next to him on the ground. Peaceful silence settled around them. 

“The man said the trip will last for days,” Kunigami finally said.

“Yeah…”

“Are you sure you want to keep going? What about your duties at the castle?”

“Heh, what do you think I do? Sign paperwork and attend meetings? They barely remember I’m there. It’s not like I have any duties yet. Hiumi can cover for me just a bit longer.”

“...” Kunigami tightened his fists together. The familiar feeling of guilt casted over him. “Why are you doing this?”

“Hm?”

“Taking me to visit my family. It is not yours. You’re not getting anything from it. So why?”

“...It’s embarrassing.”

“You say embarrassing things all the time.”

“That’s mean. I don't know, I just… want to know about you. You always look so sad about your family whenever you bring it up. I hate it. I want to see you smile. Maybe I’m just being a little bit selfish here,” Chigiri laughed softly. 

Kunigami looked at him, at his smile and laugh. He remembered the looks of the townspeople from the soul hour as they found their soulmate. The innocence that coated them both. 

“Haven’t you ever thought…why I’m not with them? Why I don’t go back? You’re so sure I’m a good person.” Kunigami leaned over, until he was just a few inches away from his face. He put his hand on the log. Looking at Chigiri beneath him, it hit Kunigami how vulnerable he looked. That familiar self-hatred bubbled in his throat. “How are you sure I won’t hurt you?”

Chigiri’s eyes were wide, a stark contrast from the sleepy half-closed look of just a few seconds ago. Up close, Kunigami noticed how long his eyelashes were. How elegantly they fluttered over his eyes. 

However, where Kunigami was expecting fear, he saw resolve in his face. Chigiri smiled and closed his eyes. “I wouldn’t mind if you hurt me. Only if it’s you.”

Kunigami’s heart stopped. The moonlight that was shining on both of them faded into the cloudy night and the water stood deadly still. Chigiri’s breathing slowed then entered into a light snore.

Kunigami sat back up, then laid his head on the log. 

“You idiot. That isn’t how I wanted you to react…”

~

When Kunigami woke up, the sun appeared in the sky.

“Oh, you’re awake.”

Kunigami jolted up. But when he looked around, he was reminded of where he was and cursed himself for falling asleep. He rubbed his eyes while Chigiri laughed at his frustration. 

“Don’t worry, I didn’t wake up too early before you. But I did grab some food.”

He held a piece of parchment of paper and in it was a piece of bread covered in cheese. Chigiri held it out but Kunigami shook his head.

“I don’t need to. You can eat it.”

“You can’t go all day without eating and I don’t know the next time I can snatch more food. So eat.” In his hands, Kunigami noticed Chigiri eating his own piece of bread. Reluctantly, he grabbed Chigiri’s offer and bit off a piece. 

After they finished eating, they set off on the journey once again. 

The device the man gave them used magic that only Chigiri could see, which meant that Kunigami relied on him to lead the way. Luckily most of the path was through the forest, so they did not need to enter a town. However, that also meant that it was more difficult to get food and water.

The next lake they stumbled upon was much cleaner and larger than the last one, so they decided to take a break there midday. Chigiri used the little magic he had the energy for to get blobs of water out, clean it, and drink from the palm of his hand. He could also use it to spear some fishes that were swimming in the water. Kunigami made a fire with wood from the forest to cook it over. 

Halfway through their resting period, Chigiri looked longingly at the water.

“I could really go for a bath right now.”

“Then go for a bath.”

“But I don’t want to take a bath in a lake. It’s gross, isn’t it?”

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t?”

Kunigami shook his head. He bit off a piece of the fish on his stick. 

Chigiri set his down, already finished, and walked closer to the water. He put a foot into the water. “It’s cold.” He peered over and saw the fishes swimming about. Then, he hesitantly stepped further in. 

Kunigami watched from the grass as Chigiri slowly but surely gained more confidence in the lake. He briefly wondered why Chigiri was so fine with the lake near the castle but not this one. Maybe he just doesn’t want to take his clothes off? Kunigami thought. He then realized that he had never seen Chigiri take his clothes off, not even his shirt when he was wet. 

Are royals worried about that kind of stuff?

He looked up again at Chigiri swimming in the lake rather than bathing, with a smile on his face. He gestured over to Kunigami. “Come in! It feels super nice!” he yelled.

“No, I don’t want to…”

“What?!” Chigiri laughed and splashed into the water. But Kunigami moved further away from the lake, shaking his head. He smiled at Chigiri’s joy but a sense of dread crept on him.

He looked down at his hands and the realization hit him. He quickly hid his hands behind his back. 

He looked back up and waited for Chigiri to get distracted. Then, he scrambled behind a tree. It was just in time for the ends of his fingers to turn mushy and green. 

“Kunigami?!”

Damn it. Kunigami balled his hand in a fist, then came out to shout back, “I’m going to go pee!”

“Oh, okay!! Don’t take too long!”

Without a second glance, he ran into the forest as fast as could, just barely dodging the thick trees. His breath quickly grew shallow, but he kept running anyway, until he could no longer hear the sounds of Chigiri swimming or of the birds chirping. 

He collapsed on the ground, breathless, and without a second thought, transformed into the form he detested so much. His torso grew larger and his limbs grew long and thick. His skin turned a disgusting green color and started falling off his skin, until there was nothing left but sludge underneath. He felt his vision grow hazy and the world’s sounds disappeared around him. He was no longer a human, but a ferocious beast.

I thought I could hold out for a bit longer…, Kunigami thought to himself. But it’s growing even more tiring…

Kunigami looked around. In this form, there was no color. Everything was desaturated and lifeless around him. His voice was nothing but a hoarse growl and every sound was amplified by a hundred times. His body hurt. Just the pain alone was enough to drive him insane.

“I wouldn’t mind if you hurt me. Only if it’s you.”

Chigiri was waiting back for him at the lake. He was doing so much for his sake. 

Kunigami grit his teeth. He settled down on the grass in the beastly form and laid his head down. In this position, the pain died down slightly. 

If for no other reason, Kunigami did not want to be the reason Chigiri got hurt. Not when he trusted him so much. 

Just five minutes. I just need five minutes. 

After an eternity passed, the ache had started to subside and Kunigami finally felt the energy to transform back again. He breathed out in relief at feeling his skin beneath his fingertips again. 

When he returned, Chigiri was already out of the water and lying on the grass, his hair wet.

“That was a long pee.”

“...I’ve been holding it in.”

The two began walking once again. Just like the sun had risen in the morning, it wasn’t long before it started to set again. Kunigami thought about Tei. He had not told her about this trip so she was probably worried. A part of him felt guilty, but he remembered how she would also disappear without telling him. I’m keeping some secrets too…, he thought to himself. 

When night fell, they kept walking, with Chigiri using a light spell to guide the way. 

At some point during the night, Chigiri grazed his hands on one of the bushes and stopped. Kunigami looked over. 

“What?”

“There’s a berry here.” He grabbed it and plucked it out of its stem. He held it up to his nose.

“I don’t think berries are supposed to smell like anything?”

“Shh, I’m hungry okay?” 

Chigiri brought it up to his mouth, but hesitated at the last moment. He looked over at Kunigami in fear. “What if it’s poisoned?”

“You mean poisonous? I don’t think-” Kunigami pondered but he raised his eyebrows in realization. “Actually, it probably is.” He remembered how his sister warned him of poisonous berries in the forest, but he had forgotten what she said about choosing the ones that were safe. 

Chigiri looked sadly at the berry. “I don’t want to die because of a poisoned berry.”

“Don’t eat it then.”

“But I’m hungry…” 

Kunigami looked around. “Maybe we can find another lake to fish?”

“I want to eat berries though. I’ve been craving these ever since this morning.” 

Chigiri crossed his arms and closed his eyes in thought. After a few seconds he opened his eyes and snapped his fingers. “A detection spell.”

“Huh?”

“My teacher showed me this one, way back then. Apparently, you can detect poison in food with a spell that turns it into a certain color if it is toxic. I think the one she showed me turned it red. If I can just remember how to cast it…” Chigiri closed his eyes. His eyebrows wrinkled together in concentration as he hovered his hand over the berry. Kunigami watched the attempt intensely. 

Then, he suddenly opened his eyes, and grabbed the berry in his hand. It started to glow faintly. Kunigami and Chigiri looked at each other in excitement. 

However, when Chigiri opened his hand back up, the berry was not red, nor the original color. It had turned completely black and hard. Chigiri stared at it in dismay. Kunigami curiously poked at it.

It crumbled at his touch. 

“Oops.”

Kunigami looked over at the bush, but there were no more berries he could see. Chigiri stared at his hand with his head down.

“My berry…”

Kunigami patted Chigiri’s back. “Um, let’s just keep going.”

They walked for the rest of the night, rarely taking a rest. When Chigiri started to slow down or grow tired, Kunigami picked him up and carried him on his back for the path, allowing Chigiri to fall asleep for a few hours. 

When Chigiri woke up, the sun was barely rising and Kunigami was trying to navigate the thick roots of the forest floor. Kunigami looked up after noticing his movement.

“Good morning.”

Chigiri just sleepily groaned. He hopped off Kunigami’s back and onto his feet. 

He turned on the device. “How long have we been walking straight?”

“Um, 4 hours maybe?”

“Hm…” Chigiri looked at the device while rubbing his eyes. But when he did, he stopped and then stared straight up ahead. 

“We’re close. No, we’re practically there.” 

Kunigami felt a lump form in his throat and a heaviness fill in his chest. “Already?”

“No doubt. If we follow where this river goes-” Chigiri pointed at the river that was right next to them, which veered off slightly to the right. “-Then we should be there in just an hour.” 

“Oh, that’s…” Soon. Too soon. In just a few hours, Kunigam was going to see his family again. His mother, father, his two sisters. For the first time since that day…

Kunigami could feel his breath grow shallow. But he grabbed the sides of his shirt before the panic could set in. It’s fine, he thought to himself. He looked up at Chigiri in front of him who was closely looking at the device. I’m not alone this time. It’ll be okay. Kunigami took a deep breath in. 

They walked further on the path and it only took a few minutes before the sounds of walking could be heard. The sounds of metal grinding against each other at a blacksmith’s workshop and the chatter of people muffled together. When they heard it, Chigiri grabbed Kunigami’s hand and casted an invisibility spell on them both, but he also squeezed Kunigami’s hand. On his face was a reassured expression. 

Kunigami nodded and squeezed back. 

They went over back to where the trees were, away from the river, and walked towards the sound. Until they eventually saw the slabs of wood clumsily built that made up a house’s wall line the entire edge of the forest. 

As reality set in, Kunigami only tightened his grip on Chigiri’s hand. Although he felt fear, for some reason, he also felt faint traces of excitement. 

Just a few more steps. 

Just a little bit more. 

Then, he can-

“Stop!”

Kunigami's heart dropped.

Cold sweat engulfed his body. 

In an instant, he was no longer a 13-year old boy but a 7-year old child, watching the scene play out in front of him. 

Because behind them, in the depths of the forest with a sword in hand, was a soldier, staring directly at him. 

[saph-writes]

A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats - Chapter 3

ao3 link:

Words: 8032

Chapter: 1, 2, 4, 5, 6

“Where do you live in the forest?”

Kunigami perked up. The two were sitting in the forest’s clearing. Chigiri laid on his back on the tree stump, his head fully hanging off and looking at Kunigami upside down. Kunigami was sitting on the grass, wrapping a leaf around his finger while listening to the birds chirping.

It was early morning. The sun had barely been up for a few hours.

“Um…” Kunigami said. “Just somewhere around here.”

“Oh.” Chigiri hummed. He kicked his feet on the tree stump then turned over to look at Kunigami properly.

“Can I see it?”

“No.”

“Aw..”

Kunigami smiled a little to himself at Chigiri’s whine.

The two had been visiting each other for a month now. Ever since that day with the guards, by the time he would arrive Chigiri would be there first. Somehow, the incident with the guards had not happened again.

Kunigami still remained careful though. He took an elaborate route to their spot, which added on a lot of time to his trip, but he did not mind. Ever since Anri started taking on longer trips, he has not had much to do.

He was still wary of this boy, but so far, he’s been accepting of Kunigami. So Kunigami has decided to trust him for now. At that thought, he looked up, and saw Chigiri staring at him with a grin.

“What?”

“You’re smiling.”

“Oh… is there something wrong with it?” Coming from anyone else, that might’ve sounded accusatory. However, when it came from Kunigami, it was hard for any to sound anything else other than sincere. At least, that was what Chigiri thought.

“Nothing, I just like it.” Chigiri laid back down and hummed to himself cheerfully. Kunigami truthfully still did not understand him very well. Plus he made him nervous, as he felt his heart beat a little faster.

In the air, Chigiri materialized a ball, invisible except for a thin pink outline, and threw it in the air. A spell that was extremely difficult for normal people (he remembered seeing older kids back in the neighborhood struggle with it) but for those in the royal family, even a child could achieve it.

Especially if their soulmark was on their shoulder.

“Ah!”

Kunigami blinked and saw the ball fall and roll towards him on the ground. Without thinking, he reached over to touch it only for the ball to disappear instantly into particles. The pink color glittered in the sunlight.

Chigiri looked at him thoughtfully then waved his hand again to materialize another ball.

“Here, catch.”

He threw the ball. Kunigami raised his hands to catch it but jumped at the last second. The ball bounced off and rolled on the ground. Kunigami frowned. “This is harder than kicking it…”

Chigiri smiled. “Just focus. Keep your eyes on the ball.”

He materialized another one and threw it again. This time, Kunigami looked closely at the ball and positioned his hands a bit lower. His hands were still shaky. This time, however, the ball landed on his hands perfectly.

Another smile crossed Kunigami’s face.

Chigiri watched it fondly. “That’s another one..”

“What?”

“Nothing. Here let me show you something.” Chigiri stood up next to the tree trump. He raised his hand in front of him, towards the tree. This time, a small wall, the size of a table, formed with one of its sides facing the two of them roughly 15 feet away. It hovered in the air at a height slightly above their heads.

“There,” Chigiri said. “Try to hit it with that ball.”

Kunigami looked at the wall and tried to gain a sense of its distance. Then, he lifted the ball over his hand and threw it. However, just as it seemed like it was going to hit the wall, Chigiri hit it with his hand.

“Wha-?”

“Too predictable. Try again.”

Another ball materialized in Kunigami’s hand. Before he could process it, he threw it again. Chigiri knocked it off. Then again, and again.

By now, Kunigami was thoroughly confused. “What kind of game is this if you keep stopping me?”

“That’s the game! You try to hit the wall and I try to stop you. If you can hit it, you win.”

“Win what?”

Chigiri blinked like he didn’t expect to get that question. But after a moment, he closed his eyes in contemplation. “Well, what do you want to win?”

“I don’t… really need anything…” Kunigami rolled the ball around in his hand. Chigiri noticed him lower his head and bend over slightly, as if to make himself appear smaller. As if he was trying to hide himself before his very eyes.

In all honesty, Chigiri wished he could tell him to stop, but he held his tongue.

Instead he snapped his fingers, and another ball appeared beside him. Except this time, the ball was not transparent, but instead was a dark brown and made a shadow on the tree stump. It still held the pink outline.

“If you win, I’ll give you this ball. This one won’t disappear when I’m not around.”

He half-expected Kunigami to decline the offer, but when his gaze wavered on the ball from where he was rolling the one on his hand, Chigiri immediately knew his answer. Before Kunigami could say a word, he clapped his hands.

“Ready, set, and go!”

For the rest of the day, Kunigami tried to win the game Chigiri came up with but no matter what he tried, getting past Chigiri was impossible. What seemed like a simple game on paper had the two out of breath and sweating heavily by the end of it, when the sun had begun to set, with Kunigami not able to hit the wall once, even as he tried to outmanevuer him. In fact, it seemed like Chigiri was going easy on him, as he never pressed him hard enough until Kunigami was too close to the wall for comfort, resulting in Chigiri quickly knocking the ball out of the air.

Kunigami was not particularly interested in winning at first, but before long, he found himself focusing intensely. Like his body moved on his own. Until a feeling called enjoyment pumped through his blood.

Kunigami got a feeling of deja vu. Or maybe it was nostalgia. As if this game was uncovering a long lost memory of his. Maybe one from when he was still human, happy and carefree. It was a foreign feeling he had not felt in a long time, and one he felt could disappear at any second. But when he blinked, Chigiri was still there, smiling and laughing with him as if he were having the time of his life.

Although he knew he did not deserve it, he decided to enjoy himself. To feel happy. If only to overshadow the cold voice in the back of his head telling him otherwise.

~

The next day, when Kunigami woke up, Tei was sitting next to him. Their tree trunk they called home only had enough space for two pairs of blankets and pillows to be thrown on top of each other, with one side being only narrow enough for a single head.

Slightly surprised, Kunigami sat up, hiding his blurry vision from the sunlight casting in from outside. Upon closer look, he saw Tei’s head resting on the wall, and her eyes closed shut. Her chest heaved up and down peacefully.

Kunigami then carefully moved his blanket forward and crawled slowly towards the exit. However, on his way, a leaf crumpled beneath his knee. Kunigami jolted and turned around to see Tei opening her eyes. She looked up at Kunigami.

“What are you doing?” Her sleepy voice was slightly deeper than her usual one. Kunigami tried to appear nonchalant, but he couldn’t help but fidget.

“Just… going somewhere… for something..” For some reason, Kunigami felt his nervousness manifest as pressing heat on his face.

”Visiting a friend, huh?” She smiled. Her usual tense face softened, imitating an expression he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“Just don’t be out too late. Not today. Not when… there’s….” Tei must’ve still been half-asleep because her voice trailed off soon after, and a quiet snoring sound filled the silence. Kunigami couldn’t help but chuckle to himself.

“Ok, I won’t.” Then, as silently as he could, he exited their home out into the clearing.

Compared to the one he visits to see Chigiri, his and Tei’s clearing is much smaller. Unlike the vibrants greens and blues of a grassy landscape, muted colors covered the ground. But even so, it was home. Which meant that Kunigami did not mind it.

Kunigami’s morning routine was a short one. The first thing he did was visit the lake that was 5 minutes away. Tei had shown it to him during their first week together, describing it as one of the clearest and purest bodies of water in the area. Kunigami took off his clothes and set them on a nearby log. He carefully waddled through the water, rinsing off his arms and legs. Then, once the water went up to his chest, he took in a breath and swung his head forward to submerged it completely before swinging it back up.

In truth, Kunigami did not need to bathe. As a monster, his true form is that of a beast made of sludge. His human form imitates his appearance similar to that of before he died, albiet slightly matured to mirror his age of 11, and is done completely of his own will. Turning back and forth between forms essentially resets it and removes any and all imperfections.

However, just like how monsters do not need to eat, Kunigami preferred to do it anyway. It made him feel like his link to humanity was not completely gone. That if maybe he never turned into that hideous form, he could pretend that he is simply a normal human.

Kunigami grabbed his shirt and temporarily wrapped it around his waist, then returned to the clearing to drop them off and quickly put on his second pair. Their clothes were taken from the towns that Tei often visited. She never let Kunigami come with her, warning him that it is too dangerous, but when she did go, she always brought back some new items. Sometimes they were clothes, sometimes they were food, and other times they were small toys and sculptures Kunigami remembered seeing from the shops that used to be by his family’s home, the ones that were always too expensive.

Although Kunigami wished that he could help her in running these errands, he also secretly hoped that she would stop doing them. The fear of Tei getting caught and never coming back haunted him while he was alone during these trips.

However, that fear has started to subside as of late, as Tei’s trips to the town and her lonesome journeys elsewhere started to mesh together until Kunigami did not know which one she was doing anymore. Only that Tei was never around.

Kunigami neatly folded his clothes and then, after taking one more peek inside their home at Tei peacefully sleeping, he started on his daily journey to the clearing.

His change in his path reflected the movement of the guards that he had observed in the forest. While many never made it far enough to where he had to worry, it was when he got close to the castle that he needed to keep his guard up. As much as he hates it, he is forced to turn into his beastly form in order to make the journey quicker. But as soon as he hit his checkpoint of where the danger of running into guards became immensely higher, he immediately turned back and ran the rest of the way.

In truth, Kunigami had begun to get up earlier than usual to beat Chigiri to the clearing. He had never brought it up to him before, but ever since they played that game Chigiri showed him, the urge to win against him stayed at the back of his mind.

As Kunigami neared the clearing, his heart skipped a beat. The tree stump that Chigiri always sat at was empty. Chigiri had not arrived yet.

A rare feeling of excitement washed over him and Kunigami began to run a little faster. However, just as he was about to enter the clearing, something appeared out of the corner of his eye. A figure, covered in shiny gray, with a long blade in his hand.

A guard.

A coldness washed over Kunigami’s body. His entire body froze. His breath caught in his throat. The line of trees stopped just a few inches before him.

Kunigami couldn’t feel his legs, or his arms either. A beating drum rang in his head. Trees and grass swirled together, tumbling on top of each other until Kunigami felt a breeze hit his face and all of a sudden, his kness were on the ground.

He quickly panicked and moved behind a tree. But the tree shook and trembled behind him and when he looked down, the ground did too. Blurry dark dots clouded his vision and his lungs sucked in large breaths but no matter how much he tried, it was not enough air.

His breathing grew quicker and more shallow.

The world swirled around him.

His body felt numb.

Everything grew further away.

The footsteps of the guard echoed behind him.

“...”

They’re closer.

He’s going to be found.

“Ku-”

He’s going to die, he’s going to-

“Kunigami!”

Kunigami jumped. Chigiri was squatting down in front of him, smiling as always. “You finally made it here first, didn’t you? Welp, guess I lost then. That dumb guard was blocking my spot anyways, but he’s gone now. Let’s go an-”

Chigiri trailed off as he looked back at Kunigami’s face and it was only then that Kunigami realized that he was shaking and trembling. He tried to suck in another breath, but couldn’t. He couldn’t breathe. Kunigami looked desperately at his shaking hands and attempted quicker shallow breaths, but nothing. I can’t breathe, he tried to tell Chigiri, but nothing came out. Panic took a hold of him but just before it could swallow him whole, he felt something grab his hand.

Kunigami looked up and saw Chigiri looking at him. He pointed to his own mouth and imitated a deep breath in.

“...eathe in.”

Kunigami took a deep breath in.

“1..2..3.”

Chigiri let out his breath, and so did Kunigami. Then he copied the motion again, and again, and again until Kunigami finally felt air enter his lungs. He felt Chigiri squeeze his hand, which made him feel calmer. Like he could ground himself with that touch.

“Do you feel better?”

“...Yeah… Kind of..” His voice came out small and shaky. He tried to look up properly, but he only became dizzy. He touched his forehead with his hand, suddening feeling a headache come on. He brought his knees up and put his head down against them. A ringing continued to blast in his ears.

Chigiri did not say anything. Instead, Kunigami heard shuffling beside him, and something on the grass. Chigiri had sat next to him against the tree. His hand stayed interlocked with Kunigami’s.

The two sat in silence.

When Kunigami finally felt his mind settle down and amplified sounds in his ear stop, he opened his eyes and looked up again. But instead of looking at the forest, that had for once grown still, he took a peek at Chigiri. Chigiri’s head was leaned back against the tree, staring up at the leaves.

Guilt drenched over him. He looked away to the ground so he couldn’t see Chigiri’s face.

Another minute of silence passed them.

“I’m sorry,” he finally whispered

Chigiri didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but Kunigami heard the subtle movement of his head. When he spoke, his voice was quiet and careful.

“...Are you scared of people seeing you?”

The sight of the soldier’s sword flashed in his mind. The sword with blood dripping down to the ground, his blood, as a wide smile warped their faces. The pool of red that grew beneath him. Their voices, taunting him endlessly.

Kunigami stared at the forest with nothing more than the desire to claw those memories out of his head.

Just a few seconds after Chigiri asked, he backtracked.

“Actually, I shouldn’t ask that, never mind-”

“No, no, it’s fine…” Kunigami’s first instinct was to brush off the entire situation and try to go back to normal, or to perhaps run away entirely to be alone. But when he turned around, to his surprise, Chigiri had a worried look on his face. His hand felt hot beneath his.

Kunigami’s eyes wavered as they locked with Chigiri before Kunigami looked down at the dirt between them. His heart beated in his throat.

“I just… can’t be around soldiers…”

Why am I telling him this?

“I get scared… because they remind me of when I died.”

It doesn’t matter anyway.

“I… got killed in the forest. 3 years ago. The soldiers killed me when I was lost and searching for my family. They stabbed me and I died. But somehow, I lost my soulmark and was able to live. “

I can’t even tell him the whole truth. He probably hates me anyway. He probably doesn’t beli-

“They could do it again…They can see I don’t have a soulmark and then ki-”

“I won’t let that happen!”

In the darkness Kunigami shrouded himself in, Chigiri pushed past it to create light. His eyes shone with determination, shaking and trembling, yet his hand squeezed harder around his. It was then that Kunigami realized how big Chigiri’s eyes truly were. How big the world seemed inside them.

Chigiri seemingly realized how much he raised his voice and quickly lowered it, but his eyes stayed locked on to Kunigami.

“I won’t let them kill you. Not ever.”

Chigiri stopped. His eyes drifted downwards.

“This is why you’ve been in the forest…” He grew quiet for a moment. The worry on Chigiri’s face made Kunigami want to feel nothing but guilt. However, there was also a selfish part of him that washed over with relief instead. A strand of hair fell down in front of Chigiri’s face and Kunigami restrained the urge to reach over and push it back into place.

Chigiri suddenly jumped up. Kunigami jolted as his hand left his. Then, Chigiri turned back and grinned at Kunigami.

“I won’t let the guards kill you, so don’t feel scared while you’re around me. I’ll protect you!”

He grabbed his hand again and tugged Kunigami to his feet. “I’ll put a spell here so that those pesky guards don’t visit again, but in the meantime, let’s go somewhere else. Probably…” He trailed off and looked up at Kunigami. “Well, do you want to go somewhere else?”

“Okay…” Kunigami said, unsure of why he asked him. Chigiri answered as if he read his mind.

“Are you sure you’re okay now?” Chigiri’s words were blunt. Unlike Tei, who spoke with careful smoothness, or even his mom and dad, whose warmth had been gone for ages ago, Chigiri had little tact. But it was not that he didn’t care. His discomfort showed how much he was trying to help him. How much he cared for him.

Kunigami squeezed the hand that Chigiri had tugged him up with, still interlocked, as an answer. But when he looked down subconsciously at it, he felt a hand graze his chin, wiping off a tear that had fallen from before. When Kunigami looked up, Chigiri looked at him as if he didn't even realize what he was doing. A second past and Chigiri just softly smiled.

“That’s good.”

A heat blared up on Kunigami’s neck. He looked down, hoping the embarrassment didn’t show on his face. Luckily if it did, Chigiri did not react. He simply turned around and started heading in another direction, vaguely to where the lake they often went was. However, when Kunigami looked up, the back of Chigiri’s neck, exposed as his hair blew in the wind, was flushed.

The two of them had been walking in the forest for a few minutes when Chigiri asked a question. He murmured it just loud enough for Kunigami to hear him.

“Do you want to go back?”

The question did not specify what to go back to, but Kunigami had an idea of what he meant. To his old life. To his family. To his home. He looked up at the sky as the sun had finally started to hang overhead and then back at Chigiri, who still tugged him along by his hand. He remembered Tei, in the forest, warning him this morning. He remembered the big kind eyes that shone because of him.

Remembering everything, he smiled.

“Sometimes. But then I remember that they probably don’t want me anyway.”

Chigiri did not say anything. Nothing at all.

~

Chigiri dreaded going back to the castle. Not only because he lied to the guard in their clearing that the head guard was calling for him, meaning that he was definitely in trouble, but because as soon as he stepped inside, the sound of chatter and walking enveloped the entire castle.

Instead of heading directly to the ballroom, Chigiri walked down the castle hall, which was empty except for a few lone servants running last-minute errands. Even the servants were dressed top to bottom in the most luxurious clothes they had. Knowing that he will probably get caught one moment or another, Chigiri placed an invisibility spell on himself.

He walked past the kitchen, and peeked his head inside. Hundreds of servants scrambled all over to grab plates and drinks. The cooks, who seemed agitated, yelled at many of them to watch where they were going. Chigiri narrowed his vision in the crowd until he found the face he was searching for.

A small servant boy with short curly hair. He was in the process of getting yelled at by one of the castle’s staff.

Chigiri remembered the boy from when he was younger and still trying to make friends with the kids in the castle. However, when he was found playing with him, Chigiri got scolded instead and told not to play with the servant kids. In all honesty, he was planning on not listening. As soon as the lecture was over, Chigiri snuck out of his room to find the boy again. But when he did, he heard a slap instead. The boy was slapped by his parents, who were also servants in the castle, and angrily yelled at. From where Chigiri hid behind their door, he couldn’t make out what they were saying, but he saw them continually pointing down. Down at the soulmark located at the boy’s ankle.

Chigiri never talked to the boy again. But from time to time, he would watch him from a distance, just to see if he was doing alright. From his observation, the boy still held a constant solemn look on his face and was constantly getting yelled for being clumsy. But he also talked to the other servants. When their superiors weren’t around, he could be seen laughing and playing with the rest of them, the kids who were barely old enough to become servants.

Chigiri saw the boy get a pat on the back by another servant after the staff left. He smiled.

The next spot Chigiri visited was the staff’s lounge. He wasn’t planning on sticking by, but as he passed by the door, he overheard chatter coming from inside.

“Did you hear about the monster attacks that have been happening in Colluhira?”

“Ah yes, how dreadful! The death toll is hundreds by the day, isn’t it?”

“I heard it was thousands.”

“Well, nonetheless, considering we are neighboring kingdoms, it is no wonder they are increasing security as well. We must keep an eye out.”

“Yes, especially tonight. Those monsters might be lurking around here.”

“Of course not, they are checking the soul marks of everyone passing through.”

“You never know. They might slip through an opened door, or through a window.”

“Those dreadful monsters. Those insolent bestias are to blame, always complaining that we kill too much of their kind. Their soulmarks are on their feet, how are we supposed to know if they aren’t monsters-!”

BANG

Chigiri hit the wall next to the door. He heard the servants shriek. Panic circulated inside the room, but Chigiri did not care. He simply kept on walking, still feeling his hands shaking.

Except he remembered how he was taught. How those words of the servants weren’t too far off. As if right on cue, he passed one of the classrooms. None of the little kids, typically children of the servants of the castle, were inside as they were likely out in the ballroom, but Chigiri still lingered at the spot. He looked at one of the walls, and saw a picture of a monster on the wall. A tall muddy beast, made up of slime-looking material and covered in dirt, grass and branches. Red coated his mouth and hands. This poster had several pieces of paper stuck on, too small to read, but he saw something drawn on the side. It was a doodle of a sword stabbing a monster.

Another poster showed a human figure and several spots on their body. The words “soulmark placements” titled the picture and labels were placed by each spot, on the neck, shoulder, hand, face. Several labels littered the top part of the body but for the bottom half, only the soulmark on the thigh was labelled.

Big bold letters were written to the side.

IF YOU SEE NO SOULMARK ON THESE PLACES, TELL A GUARD IMMEDIATELY.

Chigiri only attended these classrooms for a few years, with his being placed in another hall reserved for the royal children, but they were all the same. The same bold letters on the poster were placed in every classroom. Spewing the same lies.

“It’s not fair…”

“What’s not fair?”

Without thinking, Chigiri yelped. The head guard was standing behind him, glaring in disapproval. He waved his hand, causing Chigiri’s spell of invisibility to wear off. Chigiri awkwardly laughed.

Sir Ladon was not amused.

“And where do you think you have been?”

Um… I was sent to pick up the kids.”

“The kids, you say?”

“Yes, the kids… that are not here…”

Sir Ladon waited expectantly until Chigiri slumped defeated. Sir Ladon only sighed. “You are lucky that I am too busy right now, otherwise I would have taken these little pranks you do into my own hands without that little Princess around. Now come along, we need to hurry up and get you ready before we are late.”

He was right. From the window, the blue sky had begun to turn a light red and orange and the sun was beginning to set below the trees. The ceremony was going to start soon.

Before Chigiri could protest, he was carried off by a group of servants, led by Sir Ladon. He did not know when Sir Ladon suddenly became in charge of him, but it was a change he had noticed in the past few months nonetheless. The servants dragged Chigiri into his bedroom and immediately started on his face and hair. He could hardly see with all of the hands on his cheeks, forehead, and eyes. He felt his hair being taken care of by another servant.

When they were done, Chigiri was given a mirror to look into, and it took everything in him to not look visibly disgusted. Sir Ladon clapped his hands, and all of the servants hurried out of the room, replaced by a few staff members walking in. They were carrying outfits and a giant full-body mirror.

They made Chigiri try on a few, but ultimately landed on an outfit that bordered on an androgynous look. The top part looked like it was taken from a dress, with the see-through fabric, collar and bow, and flowing material. It had holes on the sides to completely show his shoulders, including his soulmark. The bottom part were typical pants with an intricate design by the waist and the sides of his legs. Sir Ladon clapped his hands again, only this time everyone left except for two who stood firmly by Chigiri’s side.

Sir Ladon looked back at Chigiri with a smile. “Shall we get going?”

Chigiri felt like he was going to throw up.

The soul ceremony is extremely important for the heir as it marks the moment he becomes King, but for the siblings, it is simply a custom. The preparations for this one had only started last week. But as the four of them entered the balcony that overlooked the ballroom, it did not appear that way. Everything was spotless. Curtains hung from the ceiling with the emblem of the royal family, lights framed the windows, and the chandeliers looked more complex than usual. They had likely been replaced for this occasion. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people were packed inside. After all, it was meant to hold all of the citizens in the entire kingdom turning 18 tonight, everyone who had a chance at becoming the next soulmate of a member of a royal family, along with their plus ones.

Sir Ladon patted Chigiri on the back. “Do not worry, Prince Hyoma. Yours will be even more spectacular.” He looked back at the two men that had walked with them. “Observe him carefully tonight. Make sure he does not escape.”

The two men bowed.

“Yes, sir.”

“What am I, a prisoner?” Chigiri grumbled. He shrugged off Sir Ladon’s hand and watched as he walked away, immediately attending the servants and guards that approached him in droves. Something told Chigiri that the head guard of the castle was going to be busy the whole night. Which was great for him, since that meant he was not going to be monitored relentlessly. He’s sure he can shake off the two staff members assigned to him.

But as soon as Chigiri started to think of a plan, he heard his name called from the side.

“Hyoma!”

Chigiri turned around and saw Hiumi walking over. Her long hair was tied back into a braid and her bangs were shaped to frame her face. Piles of makeup were painted on her face and her dress flowed down until they covered the floor. Her dress was completely off the shoulder to expose her bright pink soulmark. Two female staff stood behind her, holding her dress up from the back.

Hiumi held the same serious and elegant expression as always.

Chigiri was about to approach her when she rushed over and slapped his head. It was not particularly hard, but it was enough to cause Chigiri to yell in retaliation.

“Hey! What was that for?!”

Hiumi sighed and smiled peacefully to herself, cleaning her hand with a handkerchief handed to her by one of the women. Then she looked at Chigiri with judgement.

“A certain someone ran off the entire day, left all the preparations up to me, and had the nerve to arrive late. But my dear brother would never do that on the day of my soul ceremony, now would he?”

Chigiri groaned and marched defiantly up to the railing of the balcony ignoring the protests from Hiumi.

He looked over at the crowd. Today was Hiumi’s ceremony. In other words, today was the day that she would be united with her soulmate. When their mark will appear on her skin and likewise, her mark on theirs. Until they both matched, and were joined by heart and soul. Chigiri had heard the saying hundreds if not thousands of times. The townspeople on the bottom, who excitedly chattered and occasionally looked up to wave at him, had all gathered for this specific moment. He offhandedly thought of how his own soul ceremony will look like. If he will be as excited as they are.

At the corner of his eye, he saw Hiumi walk up next to him. Now visible to the people in the ballroom, cheers erupted from the crowd. She waved at them, and the cheers erupted louder.

Chigiri rolled his eyes. “Show-off.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Chigiri continued to look over the balcony but he peeked over to Hiumi. She had begun to walk away. Her eyes, always covered in darkness, quivered slightly.

The soul ceremony started at sunset, as soon as the sun fell below the horizon, and lasted until morning. The climax of the celebration, however, was the moment when the moon hung directly overhead, above the window that peered over the ballroom. The moment that the Gods would rain down moonlight and guide them to their soulmate.

The first event was always dinner. Dozens of specialists gathered on the other balconies that hung over the ballroom. After several minutes of the specialists casting a spell on the ballroom, tables appeared all across the floor and all of the people had been magically transported to their assigned seat. Even for a typical royal person, transporting more than two people at a time took a toll on them. But for specialists who concentrated their entire life into mastering certain types of spells and with all of the kingdom’s best specialists gathered at the ceremony, it took only a few excruciating minutes to move the entirety of the large crowd.

Hundreds of servants marched out of the castle halls to bring the food to the tables. Throughout it all, excitement buzzed in the air.

The royal family were to be seated at the largest balcony, overlooking the sight. However, when Hiumi and Chigiri were transported to their seats, only the two of them appeared. The King and Queens stayed absent. Still, they all continued as normal.

After the dinner, there was roughly an hour of free time. Chigiri was permitted to go down to the ballroom, as long as his staff followed closely behind him. It was looked down upon if members of the royal family did not intermingle with the townspeople at least once during the soul ceremony, so Chigiri decided to go. In addition, this was the only time he could interact with people below the ranks of the staff face-to-face.

But as soon as Chigiri went down and entered the floor, he was attacked by a flurry of comments.

“Prince Hyoma!”

“The Prince is here!”

“He has come down finally?

“Doesn’t he never interact with the common people?”

“Prince Hyoma, over here!”

“Oh, he looks so handsome already!”

“That boy will surely be a beauty when he is older.”

“My Prince, my daughter here has the same birthday as you and she would love to dance with your highness, surely it would be no bother to-?”

Overwhelmed by the attention, Chigiri politely started backing away.

“Oh, my apologies, I can’t- I can not.. Um-”

“Prince Hyoma, there you are.”

In the midst of the crowd closing in around him, Sir Ladon appeared from the shadows. He stood in front of Chigiri, as if to shield him from the people. As soon as he did, the townspeople shushed and resorted back to whispering amongst themselves. Sir Ladon paid them no attention.

“Come with me.”

Chigiri and Sir Ladon, along with the two staff, went to one of the halls. There, two guards were waiting for them. Sir Ladon turned back to him. “How irresponsible of you to go down to the ballroom unprepared like that. Look at the scene you made.” He sighed. “Just take these two guards and go. Come, move along now.” Chigiri, irritated, stayed silent as Sir Ladon left the hall, then he followed soon after.

When he entered the ballroom, the guards walked in front of him. The crowds of people still closed in on him, but the guards managed it well and Chigiri finally felt like he had room to breathe. In a distance, he saw Hiumi in the same position, only she had four guards. However, Chigiri couldn’t help but feel that the crowds that gathered around him were bigger.

For the rest of the hour, he walked around, aimlessly responding to comments thrown his way. Occasionally, a mother or father would ask him to dance with their child. He was tempted to say no, but then he remembered that he had to be polite and follow the request of the people, so he obliged. As a result, he found himself strung along from person to person. He did not consider himself to be a good dancer, but he started to reconsider when he experienced the pains of dancing with these people.

By the time the hour finished, Chigiri was exhausted and thirsty. His feet hurted at every step.

Luckily he had time to rest. With just two hours before the soul ceremony would truly start, it was customary for the main royal of honor to dance with all potential soulmates. When Chigiri arrived back at the balcony, Hiumi’s servants had barely finished preparing her dress. The bottom was cut up to her ankle. Hiumi saw him come in and smiled. She got up to get ready to head down.

As she passed him, she said, “Did you have fun down there?”

“I thought you said I had to start worrying about the attention when I turned 13.” He told Hiumi.

“Well, some people start a little early…”

Chigiri looked down in disgust at the body of people as Hiumi exited the balcony.

When the townspeople looked at him, it was not his eyes they were looking at, nor his face or body movements. It was his soulmark on his shoulder that they praised like a God.

Hiumi walked up to the crowd, which erupted into cheers. Then, music played from above, and the first person was called up by Sir Ladon for a single 60-second dance. Some looked at her in the eye but others kept theirs elsewhere: at their feet, their hands, or her soulmark. Her glittering soulmark in the moonlight.

This is supposed to be enjoyable… right?

These people that see nothing but soulmarks. They care more about a mark on someone’s skin than the person it belongs to. They call those who shared their soulmark after their 18th birthday soulmates when they are nothing but prisoners stuck in the same cage.

“But that was the only way to feel truly loved. To have someone who shared that same experience.” Chigiri remembered being taught those same words by not only his parents, but his teachers and servants. And when he looked at the representation of the kingdom before him, where even the parents’ greatest hope was for their child to be soulmates with a beloved royal, that sentiment didn’t seem far off. Maybe a soulmate truly is the only way for anyone to see you as a person at all.

The dances eventually came to an end right when Chigiri nearly fell asleep. The horn sounded, jolting him awake. He looked up at the glass in the ceiling. The moon was almost in sight.

Hiumi went back up the balcony. She stood in full view of the townspeople, and directly under the moonlight slowly pooling in. Chigiri stood behind her, as the heir, and watched the scene play out.

The pink soulmark on her shoulder, shaped into the perfect shape of the butterfly, began to glow brightly. All of the conversations that had filled the ballroom ceased. Everyone’s eyes were searching for the second glowing mark.

Slowly, the butterfly mark drew more shapes on her skin. The legs turned into a leaf for the butterfly to sit on. The stem grew in shape and aimed downward, disappearing behind her clothes. Still the glow was so powerful that it shone through the fabric. It continued down and down until it appeared again below the dress. Until the stem finally stopped on her lower leg and grew the shape of a compass with leaves wrapping around it.

From the crowd, he heard gasps. Chigiri looked up and saw, in the very back of the crowd, in the far corner, a matching glow. A person who likely had a compass soulmark that glowed to create leaves, then a stem, then another leaf for a butterfly to sit on top, all the way to their shoulder.

Cheers erupted in the ballroom. The person was too far away to properly make out, but as they were escorted closer into one of the entrances to go up the stairway for the balcony, he got a better look. A tall man with dark hair, pale skin and bright eyes. He had a confident yet sincere smile on his face.

When the man made his way up, a person with a book came over and brought the two together. They said something out loud from it, in a language Chigiri couldn’t recognize, but no one else batted an eye. Then they motioned to the man.

The man recited a speech that Chigiri had heard many times before, from when he watched other soul ceremonies of other kingdoms. But when he got to the end of it, the man added an additional verse.

“God has granted us this privilege of being together, tied by soul and heart, marked for the entire world to see. From here on out, we will experience and live in this world together as one, and likewise the world will the two of us as one. If the world loves me, it will love you. If the world kills you, it will kill me. And if this world is cruel to you, then let it be cruel to the two of us.”

The audience applauded loudly, yelling and cheering.

Chigiri looked at Hiumi, or the back of her at least. Her hands were by her sides. They were trembling ever so slightly.

The rest of the soul ceremony was 6 hours of miscellaneous events and celebrations, specifically among the townspeople who waited for their own soulmarks to shine after the entrance spell wore off. Tired and sick of people, Chigiri headed to go back to his room. He went to Sir Ladon to inform him of this so that he could let the two staff assigned to him go, but he refused. He told them to follow Chigiri until he entered his room.

At that point, Chigiri hardly even cared anymore. He just wanted to go to sleep.

However, as he exited the main area of the castle and headed for the smaller passages, he overheard voices. One of them belonged to Hiumi.

I thought she was supposed to stick around longer with her soulmate at the ceremony…, Chigiri thought.

His curiosity got the better of him so he went closer to hear better. Luckily, the door was left slightly ajar. The two men assigned to him did not say anything.

“Are you sure about this, Princess Hiumi?”

“Yes, I am. Is there a problem with it?”

“No, nothing at all. It is just… we do not know how this will go over with the townspeople. I mean, to not leave your old life behind to pursue a new one with your soulmate is just-”

“Unheard of? Unimaginable? Completely disgraceful?”

“What I mean to say, Princess-”

“Enough. I’ve heard enough of this. I am the Princess, so if I choose to stay in the castle, that should be no problem at all. By God, my brother is only 10. How do you expect me to leave him here by himself with how the situation is right now?”

Chigiri’s eyes widened at the sound of him being referenced. Usually, members of the royal family that are not heir or King and Queen will move away to live with their soulmate after their 18th birthday. Chigiri knew this fact, but for some reason, he had not placed two and two together in his head. He did not imagine Hiumi leaving this castle so soon.

But Hiumi said she wasn’t leaving. Because of him. Because he was not capable enough to be left by himself. That is all he is right now. A prisoner inside the castle, and a burden on others to make them feel like they have to stay to protect him.

“I understand, Princess, and I hold many respects for your wishes, but please place trust in us that we will care for him efficiently and monitor him. We will do all we can, so I implore you to not feel tied down to this place-”

“That isn’t the point. The point is I’m not leaving my brother.”

“But, your highness-”

“You’re dismissed. Thank you for your time.”

Chigiri jumped back at the sound of footsteps just in time for the door to slam open. A man, who Chigiri recognized as the head of affairs, quickly walked out with his head angled down to the floor and exited out of the passage. However, just before Chigiri could run off, the door swung open again and this time, a figure with long reddish pink hair walked out. They stopped.

“Hyoma?”

Chigiri froze and cursed at himself in his head. He turned around slowly to see Hiumi, staring at him in confusion.

“What are you doing here?”

Chigiri opened his mouth to make an excuse, but when he did, he could only think of what Hiumi said to the man. He fell quiet and looked down at the floor. His voice slightly shook.

“Is that true?”

“What is? I don’t know what you are-”

“You’re not leaving. You’re staying behind because of me.”

“I-”

“You don’t need you to protect me. I can protect myself. I can-”

“Enough! Augh, I already had to deal with him and now… Look, I'm not staying because of you.”

Chigiri stopped. “Huh?”

Hiumi scratched her head in exasperation.

“Well not entirely at least. Look, you're going to have your soul ceremony in some more years, so you won’t understand this right now, but I have my own reasons for staying. It’s my choice and nothing less than my choice. But the fact that you still have a while before turning 18 sealed my decision. With how things are going right now… I’m going to stay here until I feel ready to leave.”

Chigiri simply stared at her. He didn’t say anything.

“Is that a satisfying answer for you?” Hiumi asked.

Chigiri mumbled under his breath. “Yes…”

“Good. Now if you excuse me.” Hiumi brushed past him and exited the passage.

After standing for a few seconds in the passage, Chigiri exited and found his way to his room. He closed the door shut behind him, allowing the staff to disperse from behind him for the first time in the long night.

He didn’t even feel like changing his clothes or undoing the braids in his hair. The only thing he did was take off his shoes and collapse face-first into his bedsheets. Even with the fluffy texture pressed against his worn-out body and face, he could not feel comfortable.

He thought about Hiumi’s words. For some reason, he was reminded of Kunigami. Kunigami’s voice as he told him that nobody from his past life would want him anyway. Kunigami’s expression when Chigiri asked his stupidly naive question. Kunigami’s hand that always felt warm at the touch. Kunigami, who was so kind and gentle, shaking and trembling behind the tree at the sight of a guard, as he is forced to relive his past. He remembered the talking of the servant ladies behind the lounge door, who spoke without a care in the world. He remembered the townspeople, looking at him with such awe, as if he couldn’t notice their gaze shifting elsewhere. He remembered the man’s additional verse, the conviction he spoke it with, the trembling of Hiumi’s hands, and his own declaration just a few hours prior to Kunigami.

Chigiri slumped to his side and looked out the window. At the moonlight pooling into the room.

“It’s so stupid…” He mumbled. “All of it…”

[saph-writes]

A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats - Chapter 2

ao3 link:

Words: 4185

Chapter: 1, 3, 4, 5, 6

Kunigami began sneaking into the clearing every day. 

He told himself he wouldn’t at first, as the appearance of guards surveying the area grew more and more by the day. However, as he wandered the forest endlessly, his footsteps always ended up at the same dreamy clearing of the day he met the boy. He’d sit down on the grass, and watch the clouds wash away the sunlight, until the sun had set once again, and he was forced to go back home.

One day, when he entered the clearing again, Chigiri was there. His back was turned away from him and he sat on the grass, staring at the birds in the trees. He wore an oversized white blouse with translucent fabric around his shoulders. His soulmark matched the color of his hair, blowing in the wind. 

Before Kunigami could run away, Chigiri turned around. He met his eyes and smiled, then laid down on the grass. 

“Took you long enough, didn’t it?”

Kunigami did not understand what he meant, but for some reason, something pulled him to walk up and sit down on the grass next to him. 

They sat in silence for a while. 

“What do you do in the forest?” Chigiri finally asked. 

“...Nothing.”

“Nothing at all? There has to be something.”

Kunigami hesitated.

“I come here. And wait for the day to pass by.”

“Do you ever play?”

“Not really. There is not much to play with.”

“What about your magic?”

“..I don’t have any.”

“Why?”

“Hey, this is starting to feel like an interview, isn’t it?”

Chigiri stopped and laughed. His entire body shook in giggles and his face turned red. If Kunigami was being honest, he had no idea why. 

“I’m sorry…” Chigiri said while catching his breath. “It’s just funny that you were so blunt while trying to be nice about it. Okay, sorry, I’ll stop with the questions.” 

Chigiri’s eyes lit up. “How about you ask me some questions, then?”

There were a million things Kunigami wanted to ask him, but all of them felt tricky to say. Like he might accidentally say something wrong and Chigiri would run back to the castle, crying about the monster in the forest. 

Instead he asked the most sincere question he had. “Why are you so nice to me?”

“Because you seem nice.”

“How?”

Chigiri laughed again. “What do you mean how? It’s not like you’re a monster or anything.”

Kunigami fell quiet.

Chigiri nonchalantly ate a piece of bread he had in his hand. 

“You don’t know that,” Kunigami said quietly, his voice slightly shaking. “I don’t have a soulmark, how do you know that I won’t-”

CRUNCH

Kunigami and Chigiri jolted. The sound of rustling came from the bushes in front of them, as well as the crunching of hard soles hitting the leaves on the ground. A loud booming voice shook through the line of trees.

“Prince Hyoma!” 

Chigiri sat up quickly. Kunigami looked at him and for the first time since he met him, he saw the look of panic cross his expression. 

“Shit, I thought they never bothered going out this far.”

He grabbed Kunigami’s hand as he started running in the opposite direction. “Come on!”

Kunigami did not need to be told twice. He got up and ran as fast as he could while Chigiri pulled him along. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t keep up. His feet tripped over the tangled foliage and rocks littered on the forest floor. Meanwhile, the sounds of footsteps and yelling behind them grow louder and closer behind them. 

Kunigami looked around him, desperately trying to remember this part of the forest outside of his daily trips to the clearing. As their running crossed over to swampy ground covered in mud, Kunigami suddenly got an idea. 

“Follow me!” 

Chigiri, for a brief moment, slowed down. 

From where they were running, they were laced between the trees but off to the side was a collection of bushes all too thick to hide in. Thick except for a single area. 

They made a turn to another intersection of trees before Kunigami turned his heel again, ducked, and slid into dense, foliage-covered bushes on the side. He tugged Chigiri with him, pulling both his right hand and left forearm, and used his own body as a cushion. He braced for impact. 

The running footsteps of the guards behind them had caught up, and Kunigami could feel the vibrations beneath him as their hard soles hit the ground. The sound rumbled in his ears, loud as thunder, until slowly, the sound grew further away. Until nothing but silence remained. 

A minute or two passed until Kunigami opened his eyes again. While he expected pain in his back from the impact, he felt nothing of the sort. After all, they hadn’t fallen into the thick wall-like structure of the bushes, but instead an opening to a path inside it. The layers upon layers of leaves coating the small path served as a pillow beneath them, and the hole through which they jumped through was effectively covered by the loose branches of the bushes’ leaves, sunlight shining weakly between the gaps. 

He breathed heavily. Then, he looked down. Mere inches away from the top of Chigiri’s head, the strands of pink hair grazed his nose and cheeks. Kunigami felt a pounding heartbeat and belatedly realized that it did not belong to him, but to Chigiri, who was still staring at the opening they entered from. 

For a while, they sat, still trying to catch their breaths. 

“I..” Chigiri said, “can’t believe we were able to get away…”

Kunigami stared at him. “Yeah…” 

Chigiri jolted. He shifted forward, then turned around to see Kunigami and the area they had jumped into. “Woah, how did you know where to find this hiding spot?” 

“I… sometimes pass by here, and use this to hide whenever I hear noise.” 

“It’s a path, right? Where does it lead to?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been further than here.” 

Chigiri, still in a daze, stared at the long path behind them. Then, he carefully climbed over Kunigami and started crawling forward on his knees. 

“Wait, where-?”

“Let’s go check it out!” Chigiri gave him a cheeky smile before crawling faster. 

While Kunigami was hesitant to follow him, especially since he could hardly remember the direction they came from before this, he figured that he shouldn’t leave Chigiri alone. After all, he was still a normal human boy. A boy with a soulmark, a prince, and a human with a future. 

A boy who was kind even to monsters like him. 

Kunigami doesn’t know what he would do with himself if he allowed him to get hurt. 

By the time Kunigami made up his mind to follow him, Chigiri had already made a good distance and before long, he was out of sight completely. 

This is a really long path , Kunigami thought. Also he is way too fast. 

After 5 minutes of awkwardly shuffling his feet through the path that, while Chigiri slid easily, he was much too big for, a light started to appear through the broken leaves. He swatted the leaves sticking out above him and as he reached the very end, he moved the large branch of the exit up. 

A bright clearing in the sky greeted him with sparse trees in sight. The smell of wet leaves and sticks was so strong it nauseated him, and for some reason, the ground he was on felt shakier than usual.

As soon as he thought that, he heard a crunch.

Then the ground gave out under him. 

Before Kunigami had a chance to scream, he heard a splash and felt his body completely submerge into water. He pulled himself up to the surface of whatever body of water he had fallen into, and gasped for air. 

Somewhere to his side, he heard a laugh. 

It was Chigiri, who was also floating in the water.  

Kunigami looked around. They had fallen into a lake and the path they had come out of hovered a few feet in the air, where just a few branches kept the bushes afloat. One of them swung broken underneath it. 

“You know,” Chigiri said, “We probably wouldn’t have been able to escape them if you weren’t a forest kid.” 

Kunigami turned and saw that Chigiri had swam closer to him and was looking up at the same path they had fallen out from. 

“Last I check, monsters don’t save people.” 

Chigiri turned and grinned. Kunigami stared in disbelief. 

“So, thank you.” 

Kunigami felt his face get very hot. He looked away and huffed a bit. “You don’t have to. I’m not as noble as you think I am.” 

Chigiri giggled and pressed closer. “What, are you embarrassed?”

Kunigami turned his head further, trying to avoid Chigiri’s gaze. However, when he felt the cold press of fingertips on his cheek. he jumped and pushed away. Another splash erupted before him as he sent Chigiri plunging into the water.

Kunigami felt his blood run cold. Did he hurt him? Why did he react that way? Did he push him too hard? What if Chigiri doesn’t come back up? What if he’s hurt? Where would he go? He’s hurt him, of course he did, he’s a monster, that’s all he does, why did he ever think otherwise, why-

“Ha!” 

In his spiral of thoughts, Kunigami perked up. Chigiri’s head popped out of the water, his face red but smiling. But just before Kunigami could apologize, he felt a splash of water hit his face. 

“That’s payback!” 

Kunigami couldn’t say anything because continuous splashes of water kept hitting his face, some entering his mouth and nose. In retaliation, he blindly threw some water back. A yelp told him he hit his target. When he saw Chigiri giggling again, he kept throwing some more while Chigiri combated him with splashes of his own. 

Until eventually, Kunigami found himself laughing too. 

The two fought each other in the water until their arms were sore and they were out of breath, but even so, they were both giggling, laughing into the endless sky. Into the sky over a clearing where no other soul could hear or see them, alone together, as if that was how it was always meant to be. 

~

When Kunigami arrived back at the forest, Tei was sitting on the grass, preparing food over a small fire. Kunigami blinked twice. 

“You’re back already?” 

Tei perked up, and turned around. She smiled weakly. “And you’re out awfully late, aren’t you?” 

Kunigami scratched his head and awkwardly walked over to their shared hollow tree trunk. He took off his wet shirt, set it inside, and sat down outside on the opposite side of the fire. Tei simply stared. He wasn’t sure if she was looking at the pieces of meat cooking, the fire, or something else entirely. 

They both sat in silence.

“You like eating meat, don’t you?” 

Kunigami didn’t say anything. He grabbed one of the sticks, the meat still half-cooked, and blew on it. He took a bite. 

Tei continued. “I wonder if it tastes good-” 

“Why are you always away?” 

The fire crackled before them. For the first time, Kunigami looked up at her face properly, and noticed the eyebags under her eyes. She smiled, still keeping her eyes on the fire. 

“Just visiting a friend.” 

Kunigami opened his mouth, but he didn’t say anything more. He sat quietly, chewing on the thin slice of meat. After a while, Tei took a piece for herself. 

The fire crackled until its heat began to die down. Kunigami watched the grass on the ground burn into black ashes beneath the wood, and the dark stains of teardrops on the dirt behind it. 

~ 

“Prince Hyoma, are you there?!” 

Chigiri cringed at the door closing shut with a bang. He quickly used his magic to dry his shirt and pants off. He scrambled to arrange his hair somewhat neatly. But before he knew it, the shadow of a figure towered over him. He sighed.

“Prince Hyoma, where have you been?! The guards have been deployed hours ago to search for you and a siren has long been sounded. Your mother and father are worried sick, how dare you wander off on your own when your own mother has been-” 

“That’s enough, Sir Ladon.” 

Both Chigiri and the highest-ranking guard reprimanding him turned around. On the other side of the hall, the princess of the royal family of Belushi walked towards them. 

Sir Ladon awkwardly greeted her with a bow. “Oh Princess Hiumi, you have already arrived from your trip, I see…” 

“Yes, yes I have. And it seems I have missed a few events. Is there a concern regarding my brother I should be aware of?” 

“Why, you see, Prince Hyoma has been running off again and worrying the King and Queen. You must be tired, my Princess, so please allow me to-” 

“Oh, it is no trouble at all,” Hiumi interjected. She smiled kindly, her eyes gentle and warm. “This is personal family matters, and in situations my parents can not facilitate, it becomes my duty. I can speak with him. Privately.” 

Her words ended so conclusively that Sir Ladon looked back and forth between the two siblings before bowing out and quickly excusing himself. As soon as he disappeared, Hiumi glared at Chigiri. 

“What is the excuse this time?” 

“I… found a cool bird?” 

“That’s even worse than last time.” 

Chigiri sighed and slid down against the wall to sit on the floor. He rested his elbows on his knees and buried his face in it. Hiumi’s face softened, although her glare remained. 

“I can’t always protect you. Or that boy. You know that right?” 

Chigiri did not respond. 

“If the guards find out you’ve been playing with a boy from the forest, they will-”

“I know, I know….I know that.” 

Hiumi shuffled around. She looked at both sides of the empty hall, only lit by the weak candles, before eventually sitting down next to Chigiri. She laid her head against the wall. A comfortable silence wrapped around them. 

“Why do they care so much that I go play?” Chigiri eventually whispered, still keeping his face hidden. “It’s not like I can do that here. They don’t want me to play with the kids here either.” 

“Well,” Hiumi said. “They want to protect you.”

“For what?”

“Because you’re important. You’re the prince.”

Chigiri huffed. “They don’t do that with you. You can go into the town with no problem, talk to whoever you want, and they don’t make a fuss. Why only me? Why no other kid my age?”

“Because…” Hiumi trailed off. 

“And he started talking about Mom and Dad. What’s happening to Mom?”

“Nothing, she is just tired-” 

“You always say that!” 

Hiumi jolted at Chigiri’s sudden outburst. He was now looking directly at her, exasperation and frustration clear on his face. 

“You never tell me anything! I can never have fun because that dumb guard is always following me! I can’t go into town, I can’t play with other kids, I can’t know anything about my own family. What else am I supposed to do?” 

“I-”

“I finally found someone I can play with. Someone who understands me and I have fun with, and everyone wants to take that away from me! It’s not fair!” 

Chigiri stopped for a moment to breathe but when he did, he found tears started streaming down his face. 

He quickly tried to hide it, but when he realized he couldn’t, he jumped up and started running away down the hall. Hiumi, caught by surprise, quickly caught his arm just in time, but was thrown off swiftly. 

“Hyoma, wait!”

But it was too late. Chigiri, having always been a fast runner, had already run a good distance down the hall, farther than where he could hear her. Hiumi watched the empty hall as his figure disappeared completely. 

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. The memory of a few days ago, when Chigiri first came back late, drifted into her mind. 

~ 

“Has anyone seen Prince Hyoma?”

“No, I haven’t.”

“Not me.”

“The Prince is missing?”

“Oh lord, this is a mess..!” 

Hiumi, preparing to go to her second trip into a town on the outskirts, approached the group of guards huddled amongst themselves in the grand ballroom where a crowd had already begun to form. She cleared her throat. 

“Any word on my brother?”

“Princess Hiumi! Goodness, no, nothing at all. It is like he has disappeared into thin air! Sir Akio, deploy unit 7 to area 4 of the forest! You! What are you doing having lunch, don’t you see that…!” 

The guards quickly forgot about Hiumi to argue amongst themselves. All around her, the staff of the castle shuffled from one area to another. If they were not swiftly attending to their daily duties, they were searching for the Prince. None of them hardly spared a glance to her. 

Hiumi sneaked among the crowd to go to the hall, searching for a moment of silence in the chaos. The hall was empty, and outside the windows, the castle’s garden and its blooming flowers made for a beautiful view. Hiumi leaned against the windowsill to watch the bees and birds fly above them. 

However, in her thoughtless daze, she spotted something in the forest. Something that looked suspiciously similar to flowing pinkish-red hair. 

Letting her curiosity get the better of her, she implemented an invisibility illusion spell on herself and quietly snuck herself out the door, using another spell to make the sound of the door closing silent. And just in case, she placed a strength spell on her legs. 

Keeping her eye on the blob of pink hair, she ran up to the forest line. Sure enough, Chigiri was standing there. On one side of the garden, there was a group of guards. Hiumi figured that Chigiri was hiding from that. However, when she traced his gaze, she realized that he wasn’t looking at them, but rather at something else entirely.

That was when she spotted a blob of orange hair. 

A young boy with spiky orange hair was hiding behind a bush, anxiously watching the group of guards, and Chigiri was watching him. Just when the boy was about to back up and run away, Chigiri ran up to him. The boy tried to run, but Chigiri stopped him. Then, he grabbed the boy’s hand and tugged him away deeper into the forest.

Hiumi watched the scene in disbelief. The first thing they are taught is to never trust people who come from the forest due to the risk of them being monsters. Chigiri had always been a defiant boy, but to think that he would disregard a precaution like this one was unheard of. 

She was tempted to go back to the castle and report the case, however knowing the guards, they would likely make a big fuss of the situation. And she would rather not let her parents know about it. 

Instead, she opted to run after them, grateful that she casted the strength spell earlier. 

She found the boys in a clearing. Feeling her invisibility spell starting to wear off, she hid behind one of the trees. Aware of the dangers this strange orange-haired boy may cause, she kept her magic readily available to step in if needed. 

However, not a moment like that came. 

She turned around and saw Chigiri talking with the boy. The boy moved around nervously, but it was like Chigiri paid it no mind. Before long, Chigiri had tugged the boy along to run around in the clearing, pointing and jumping at the ground. A small ball appeared before them, and the two kicked it around. They laughed. They ran around as if they were playing. 

Hiumi stayed hidden behind the tree for 10 minutes. Then, she headed back to the castle. 

Chigiri did not come back until sunset. The search party was still out, and the halls were littered with guards. Hiumi simply set an illusion spell to render a section of the hall invisible to them, and waited for the door to open. 

And sure enough, Chigiri strolled right back in. 

“You seem oddly happy.” 

Chigiri yelped right before Hiumi covered his mouth with her hand. She looked around at the guards who noticed the sound, but they did not pay it any mind. 

“Hiumi, what are you-?!”

“I should be asking you that.” Hiumi released her hand from his mouth, but she kept her grip on his forearm. Not that he would be able to run away without the guards seeing him. 

“There has been a search party looking for you for hours. And what exactly have you been doing?”

Chigiri glanced around. “I was.. Um.. practicing magic. In the forest.”

“Likely story. In a clearing, right? With an orange-haired boy?”

“How did you-!”

“Who is that boy?” 

Chigiri opened his mouth to speak but closed it and opened it again. As he thought about what to say, he scratched his head then groaned. “It doesn’t matter, okay?”

“Yes it does.” Hiumi said sternly. “Is he from the forest?”

“I-”

“Did you see a soulmark on him? 

“Why-”

“Could he do any magic?” 

“Stop!”

The guards responded more to the sound this time, and walked out of their positions to search for it. Hiumi cursed under her breath. 

She grabbed Chigiri forcefully and whispered the spell under her breath. The floor of the hall disappeared beneath them and was replaced by a carpet. Their surroundings dissipated until it formed to that of Chigiri’s bedroom, cluttered in clothes, gifts he never used, and toys from his younger days. 

Chigiri pulled away from her. 

“He’s not bad. He’s not a monster like you think he is. He’s nice.”

“How do you know that?” Hiumi clapped her hands to turn on the lights. “This is your first time meeting him I presume. How can you know a boy you’ve only met today?” 

“Because he’s nothing like what you all say monsters are. He’s not animal-like or aggressive or mean. He was scared of those guards. And I helped him.” 

Chigiri tightened his fists. “He is the same as me.” 

Hiumi wanted to protest further. After all, there have been countless stories of people who have been deceived by monsters only to be attacked by them. People who have lost family members to them. She would never forgive herself if she allowed Chigiri to be one of those numbers. 

However, in the same thought, she noticed the expression on Chigiri’s face. The shift from anger at her to the contemplative look he had while talking about the boy. A lonely look. With how sheltered he is, that comes as no surprise. That’s partly the reason why she was not concerned when he was declared missing. This is a habit of his. 

Still, it shocked her to see the passion he showed defending the boy. 

Hiumi thought some more, but as the situation grew more convoluted in her head, it made her want to scream instead. So she simply asked, “How do you know he won’t hurt you?”

“I asked. I asked if he was planning something bad, and he said no. And I believe him.”

“And if he’s lying?”

“He isn't. I just know he isn’t.” 

Hiumi stared at Chigiri, and similarly, he stared back. Then Hiumi sighed. 

“The guards are going to find you eventually if you aren’t careful. Make up an excuse so you won’t be deemed missing again, and don’t stay out this late. You also need to cloak yourself in an illusion spell. The guards use spells that can detect life energy. You need to hide yourself and the boy from those spells.” Hiumi turned away and clicked her tongue. “And I do my part here inside the castle.”

Chigiri stared at her in disbelief. Hiumi walked over to open the door and leave. 

“Thanks, Hiumi.”

Hiumi’s hand stopped on the doorknob. At that moment, she remembered the smile Chigiri had when playing with that strange boy. She turned her head away. 

“I’m just letting you handle this. I’m still here if you need me, okay?” She hesitated. “We’re not just the princess and prince. We’re brother and sister. Remember that.”

“Okay…” 

Hiumi shut the door behind her. 

~

Hiumi laid her head against the wall. She looked at the direction Chigiri ran off to, then up above her, where the window sill was. The window that peered into the garden. Where she saw the boy with Chigiri for the first time.

The image of the nervousness in the boy’s movement flashed in her mind, but so did the laughter the two shared. In that clearing, all alone, where there was no one else besides the two of them together. As if they were the only two to have ever existed. 

“I wonder if that was the right choice…” She whispered to herself.

[saph-writes]

A Crumpled Red String Laced Around Our Throats - Chapter 1

ao3 link:

Summary:

How does fate work in a world where your soulmate is decided from birth, and marked on your skin as a symbol of your humanity? Where your magic is derived from it? Your status?

What happens when it gets taken away from you?

Kunigami was faced with this dilemma when he became a monster at the young age of just 7 years old, after dying twice and losing not only his soulmark, but his humanity. Forced to keep living in a world that wanted him nothing more than dead, he thought he had lost all connection to this life. 

That is until one day when he stumbles across the garden of the kingdom’s castle, and meets the young prince, Chigiri Hyoma, who greets him with a radiant smile he never thought would be given to someone like him. As they meet in secret, away from the society riddled with suffocating expectations of who they are meant to be, they begin to grow closer. Closer in a way that defies everything they had ever been taught, until they are forced to confront what their fate ultimately means to them.

Words: 5563

Chapter: 2, 3. 4, 5, 6

In a kingdom where its population consisted of townsfolk watching their every step and its forests stood brimming with monsters, where paranoia and folklore had already taken root, a little boy screamed in anguish. 

His cries drowned itself in desperation, deep and hoarse and broken at its edges. Torn skin and bitemarks splattered his neck, arms, legs, but all the boy wished for and all he violently screamed for were his family to come to his rescue. 

He called for his mom, his dad, his sisters, anyone who could see him at all. He wished for a miracle; perhaps the arms of God that could sweep him up and cradle him to sleep, to soothe and dull the ache. But no matter how much he breathed in for another scream, a strike of pain consistently pierced his heart. “Help me!” He cried. His arms grew weak as it became drained. A pool had long since formed under him. “Please…” 

~

Kunigami Rensuke died at the age of 7. 

When he opened his eyes, his entire body ached. He could hardly breathe and his legs were too weak to hold him up. But when he looked around, the animal from before was nowhere in sight.  

He looked at his hands and arms. To his surprise, his gashes and wounds were gone. He lifted his shirt, and while it was still ripped and bloodied, the skin underneath remained unbroken. His heart pounded in his ears and it made him wonder if his old heart had been torn out to be replaced anew. Even his breaths felt heavy and different 

Yet the relief of feeling his breathing and heartbeat remained short lived, as his inspection arrived at his legs and feet. And upon examining them, he made a startling realization. 

He rubbed his ankle, hoping there was just dirt covering it up. He wiped saliva, rubbed his eyes, looked around the entire circumference, but nothing. 

He stared in disbelief. His lungs took heavy breaths. His eyes glanced at his shaking hand, but when it tried to channel his energy to it, nothing happened. 

He no longer had any magic. 

Kunigami Rensuke died at the age of 7, and lost his soulmate mark in exchange for his revival. 

Although, to most, he may as well have stayed dead.

For the next couple of days, the young boy wandered the forest on his own. He spent a majority of it yelling for his parents, his mom and dad who always pushed him to be strong-willed, for his sisters, who taught him the beauty of the world. He’d keep these lessons constantly in his mind in an attempt to pretend he wasn’t alone. 

When he wasn’t yelling for help until his voice became hoarse, he was trying his best to stay alive. Stumbling upon a few berries reminded him of when his older sister showed him which wild fruits were dangerous and which were safe to eat, before his parents came to pull them away from the forest line. He touched the moist surface, its variety of colors, before grabbing one and biting a small part off. He chewed slowly with the berry held close against his chest. 

Glancing at a squirrel reminded him of the weapons his dad showed him how to make. From memory alone, he constructed them all. And yet every time he approached a small animal with these handmade weapons, nothing could bring him to raise it over their small, innocent bodies. He stayed there, watching them perk up and notice him before they would run away, with his small wooden spear in hand as he crumbled down in tears and hunger.

He assembled a shelter by recollecting what he remembered when he helped his parents rebuild a neighbor’s house, after it had been attacked. Standing in the poorly put together wooden sticks and roof made out of a particularly dense branch almost reminded him of home. For the first time since he died, he’d smile at this thought. 

Kunigami was a strong but pure-hearted boy. Throughout his entire time staying in the forest, he never harmed another soul, not even a small animal. After all, they were both trying to survive the dangers that exist within the wild forest. 

He knew this well, and it was this fear that kept his adrenaline up, to the point he could hardly sleep at night. 

What scared him about the forest and what made him so desperate to leave wasn’t the other wild animals that lurked inside it, like the one that had killed him, but something much larger and more beastly. Something that haunted the dreams of every townsperson living in the kingdom of Belushi.

“Rensuke, Aiko! Don’t go over there!”

Rumored to be 5x the average human height, with the wolf-like movements, and a warped disgusting body. 

“But Mom! I was showing Rensuke the berries-”

“I don’t want to hear it, come on, go back inside. Do you know what could’ve happened to you if you two went in there?!”

~

“Never go into the forest.”

~

“What lurks inside there….”

And upon the 5th night Kunigami would return to his shelter..

“..Are beasts beyond any of your wildest dreams.”

He came face-to-face with his worst fear imaginable. 

A monster. 

As soon as that thought hit him, Kunigami fell back to the ground. All of a sudden, his legs grew weak, and his arms trembled so violently they hardly held him up. 

Right beside his poorly made shelter, turned away from him and looming over at a height that blocked out the entire right side of the forest from his vision, stood a sludge-like beast the color of a muddish green. Its head turned, where Kunigami could see its grotesque mouth and pitch-black eyes. Its body heaved like it was in pain and dripped to the ground.

And it wasn’t until they locked eyes that Kunigami noticed the splotches of dark red all over its face. Its indifferent, emotionless face. 

Every story he’s ever heard from his family, his neighbors, the royal soldiers, played back again in his head and the true terror of his situation settled in him like a sword piercing his stomach. This new heart pounded like blood was already gushing out to the ground. 

He wanted to scream, but nothing came out. He could barely feel his surroundings, feeling a jolt of surprise when he felt himself hit a tree behind him. The beast, all the while, had no reaction. It simply stared. Kunigami couldn’t tell if its movement closer to him was the beast’s doing or his own shaking eyes deceiving him. The monster tilted its head. The gaping holes on its face grew several sizes. 

Then it moved rapidly towards him.

His mouth finally opened and the first thing it let out was a blood-curdling scream that remembered the exploding pain the boy felt when he first died. It remembered it so clearly that Kunigami truly believed he did die again. His body thrashed with a panic as if it was sucking in his few last breaths. His eyes closed to brace for the end of it all. It was ready to accept the final moments of his life he spent completely isolated and alone, yelling for everyone who never came. 

But that moment never happened. 

When Kunigami opened his eyes, the beast was gone. Just like the first time. However, unlike before, he wasn’t alone. 

“Are you okay? What are you doing out here?” 

In front of him, crouched down and holding his face, was a lady blocking out the barely rising moon in front of the purple sky. Weak light rimmed her short hair and face, which was soft with concern and care. Kunigami had never seen a face so comforting come outside of his family, much less the past few days. 

The lady pressed on, rubbing off the dirt on his face. “Where are your parents? Do you have a brother, or sister near?” She spoke innocently and carefully, but unbeknownst to her, that was the cruelest thing she could’ve said. The young 7-year old Kunigami, for the first time since he died, found tears streaming down his face. 

Desperate for the newfound warmth, he hugged her tightly. The lady jolted slightly in surprise, but carefully, as understanding dawned on her, she wrapped her arms around him.

Kunigami choked on his tears as he attempted to sputter out coherent words. Snot dribbled down his chin. “There-There was…a m-monster. I-I didn’t wanna..” He went silent for a bit, during which the lady rubbed his shoulders and back. 

He squeezed her. Her hair felt so soft on his face. “I-I thought I was gonna.. die- again..” 

Kunigami kept crying on her shoulders. He cried until his face felt sore. After an entirety passed that way, he belatedly noticed her pause and silence. But as soon as he attempted to see her, the lady held him even closer. This time, protectiveness coated every inch of her warmth. 

“It’s okay.. See? It’s all going to be okay.” 

“But the monster-”

Kunigami was pulled away and he saw her face again, with her hands still holding him upright. She held a caring smile, but she couldn’t hide the sadness in her eyes. She looked down at his hand, and grabbed it with one of hers. When he looked down, he noticed the greenish tint at the edge of her fingertips. 

Before he could think anything at all, the lady chuckled. “It’s hard to keep this form. Don’t worry, I hate it too.”  

The realization made his heart stop, but that warmth on his hand kept his mind grounded. While she smiled, he looked down at her feet, her ankle. It was completely bare. 

It hardly felt real to him. His eyes and heart were telling him different things. 

This woman was a monster, or beast capable of shapeshifting into human-like forms. Those were the rumors all over town, and what made monsters so particularly terrifying. How they can reside among humans as if they were one in the same, with the only distinct characteristic being the abundant lack of a soulmark anywhere on their body. 

And Kunigami was staring at one just a few inches away from him.  

Everything that he has been told, ever known, yelled at him to run away, to not trust her in the slightest. As soon as he lets his guard down, she will attack him, hurt him, strangle and eat him like the animal that had killed him tried to do. 

And yet, she appeared no different than any other human. She was even kinder than many of the people Kunigami saw at his village. She only had no soulmark, just like him now. 

This woman might be the only person he can relate to the most now. 

A human and a monster, connected by their absent link to the one distinction of humanity. 

He didn’t know what to believe, and still didn’t, but as the warmth around his hands enwrapped his body, for whatever reason, he couldn’t bring him to be scared of her. 

Maybe it was her smile that was too kind or her eyes that were too understanding. Whatever the case, the two stood there, embracing each other and taking in the other’s existence as a reason to believe they had some worth left.

“What’s your name, sweetie?”

“...Kunigami.” He sniffled.

“Kunigami… that’s a lovely name.” 

"Miss, do you have a name?"

“...You can call me Tei.” 

Meanwhile, Kunigami kept thinking about her words. 

“It’s hard to keep this form. Don’t worry, I hate it too.”  

While too young to understand, there was something about her tone when she said that he wouldn’t quite understand until many many years later. He hardly noticed it after all. 

The way her voice shook with trembling sadness and anger. 

~

For the next week, Kunigami spent his days with the strange lady named Tei, who never failed to show him unending amounts of warmth and kindness. After finding him, she took him to her home. A giant tree with a hollow trunk.

She assured him that he simply needed to stay in the trunk and that she would take care of everything else outside. Although her warmth made her constantly gentle, her voice took on a stern undertone with a specific warning. He was never to leave the trunk without her presence. 

When asked for a reason, she simply smiled and smoothed out the top of his hair. “Don’t worry about it. Just follow this rule, and you’ll be safe.”

Anger never crossed her expression. But neither did sadness. Nothing of those emotions he saw that first day ever surfaced again. 

“Um,” Kunigami said one day. “I’ve been wanting to ask, but where’s your soul mark miss.”

Tei, who was picking some berries from a nearby bush, stopped for a brief second. Kunigami, who was kicking the grass under his foot, looked at her expectantly. 

“..I’m not a human, little one.”

“But you are so nice.”

“Yes,” the lady responded. “Yes, I try to be.”

Occasionally she would turn into her sludge form. Whenever this would happen, Tei, recognizing the fear Kunigami still held, would tell him to stay in the trunk and that she would be back in a few hours. 

Even though Kunigami stayed afraid during these times, the resting warmth she left behind never left. She is not a bad person, Kunigami would think to himself. There’s no way she could be a monster.

He held this truth close to his heart, as if it was the last lifeline he had to this life. 

On a particular day, it was hot and the sun was beating down on the shriveled grass of the clearing. Kunigami shuffled, then opened one eye to see the sunlight casting in from outside the tree. Still sore and stiff from the day before, he yawned and stretched his arms. 

His eyes were still blurry and unfocused. His mind felt more foggy than usual. He looked at his surroundings, and felt his heart sink into his stomach.

“Mom-?” 

Kunigami stopped. 

Ah, that’s right, he thought to himself. They aren’t here.

For the first time in a week, he felt those familiar pits of sorrow that threatened to drown him completely tighten his chest. He blinked and noticed a tear drip down his cheek. He rubbed it off, then hugged his knees close to his heart.

“It’ll be okay. We’ll find your parents soon enough, it’ll be okay.” Those were the words Tei spoke to him whenever Kunigami showed grief over his family. Repeating the mantra to himself gave him a sense of calm and warmth, like Tei was right there with him. Like maybe he wasn’t alone after all.   

A silence engulfed around him. Kunigami looked around, then outside.

He had not seen Tei since yesterday afternoon. She had told him that she was going to return before night, but he fell asleep before then. The morning sun taunted him beyond the trees. 

Paranoia the taste of vomit rose in his mouth. He suddenly coughed violently. A trembling cold filled his body.

For the first time in a week, he felt truly alone. 

Tei is strong, he reminded himself. She knows everything. She’ll be back. She’ll be back for sure.

“She’ll be back,” he mumbled. A heavy breathing touched his hands, causing him to jump back. He then noticed the rapid movement of his chest, and the coldness that moved to his mouth. Ah, that’s my breathing.

A high-pitch ringing echoed in his ears. His surroundings grew smaller, and fuzzier by the second. A liquid tasting like salt entered his mouth. 

“She’ll be back she’ll be back She’ll be….”

Will she?

He had believed his parents were strong too. He had believed in his parents, his sisters. That they would always protect him. That they would save him no matter what, because they were strong. Nothing could defeat them, not the soldiers that crawled their village, nor the monsters that lived in the forest. 

But they were nowhere in sight now.

“Mom..Dad?”

He took a step forward. 

“Where are you?”

They were not there.

No..

They abandoned him. 

No, no..

They left him for dea-

No!

Kunigami broke out into a sprint, slicing his way across the bushes and thick clusters of plants and trees that surrounded their clearing. His running was sloppy, and he tripped over several times. 3 cuts on his legs, black bruises on his knees, a bloody cut on his lip. Thorns impaled him countless times, but Kunigami could hardly feel them. 

He desperately felt the urge to begin searching, for someone, anyone at all. His mom, his dad, his sisters, Tei…

Any thoughts that reiterated reality were quickly swatted away. If not, he may have lost any sanity he had left. 

He closed his eyes. It took everything he had left in him to keep running, and keep himself breathing. For what felt like hours, that was all he kept in his mind. 

Until eventually, out of the clusters of regular sounds from the forest, he perked up to an unusual one. One of chatter, of walking, of music filling the air. 

He opened his eyes. A clearing appeared in the distance, along with the dark brown color of wooden slabs resembling walls and roofs. Figures walked briskly beside one another, and a faint laughter could be heard.

A town. His town. 

His breath became heavy, but not out of fear or anxiety. More like he was letting out a heaviness. A heaviness that had been stuck in his stomach. He smiled.

“Mom! Dad!”

.

.

.

“Rensuke, dear what’s the matter?”

“Mommy! I-I…I’m…”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay, tell me what happened. Did you have a bad dream?”

“Haugh, mommy….”

“Hahaha… it’s okay sweetie. It’ll be okay.” 

.

.

.

“Hey kid, what are you doing in the forest?!”

“Oh my, isn’t that…?”

.

.

.

“What were you dreaming about?”

.

.

.

“..!!!...”

“Everyone stay back!”

.

.

.

“I-I had a dream… That you were gone.. And you were never coming back–hic!–I ....”

.

.

.

“Wait, please, I need to find my-!”

“Stand back! Don’t you dare come closer!”

.

.

.

“Don’t you worry about a thing. Mommy will always be here for you.”

.

.

.

“Kill it! Please, Kill that thing!”

.

.

.

“You sure? You’re never going to leave? Do you promise?”

.

.

.

“Kill that monster!!”

.

.

.

“I promise.”

~

When Kunigami opened his eyes, he didn’t feel a thing. A haze covered his vision, and filled his mind. But he found that when he tried to breathe in, he couldn’t. He also found that he was staring at the ground very closely. In fact, he could feel the blades of grass across his face, and the tiny needles of dirt tickle his nose and lips. 

Finally, he looked down. He saw his body completely on the ground, and a strange pool of red. A faint murmur surrounded him, which he soon recognized as voices. 

“This is the boy, right?”

“Yup, the one who went missing. That’s another report finished, now let’s head back.”

Their voices were deep, and scratchy. Two pairs of shoes walked past his face, and Kunigami recognized them as the hard soles of the soldiers that surrounded his home. That was also when he noticed the red that coated one of their swords, still dripping to the ground.

One of the voices laughed.

“This is kind of twisted don’t you think? I mean, asking for your own son to be killed?” 

“That isn’t their son anymore, remember? Not a soul mark in sight. Better to kill it before it causes any more trouble.”

“Man, you’re cruel. At least I feel bad for the kid, you know?”

“Oh, shut up. Let’s just file the report as a monster victory and get on with it.”

“Yeah, yeah, I get it, now quit yapping my ear off.”

Their footsteps grew fainter and fainter until they disappeared completely. Until Kunigami was left in the deafening silence once again. Left only with the words he repeated over and over in his head.

“Your own son.”

“Better to kill it..”

“Monster.”

“That’s… me, isn’t it?”

A dull pain slowly spread across his torso. He coughed, and saw blood pool together on the ground in front of him, as if they were joining together for a reunion. Darkness appeared on the edges of his vision, but they didn’t close in quickly as if they were trying to conquer him. Instead, there was a thoughtfulness behind it. 

He blinked. From the darkness emerged his mother, still as gentle as ever. Her hand patted his head, and smoothed out his hair. Her hand was ice-cold. She leaned over, and kissed his eyes shut. 

“You’re a monster, Rensuke. Creatures like you don’t deserve to live.” She had a smile in her voice. 

“That’s why you’ve been hurting all this time. Because you didn’t deserve to keep living. God was punishing you, don’t you see?” She lifted her hand, leaving a barren absence behind it. 

“Now we can live better without you. Now we can live happily.”

When Kunigami opened his eyes, she was gone. A coldness washed across his body. 

“Mom?”

No reply. 

“Dad?”

No reply.

Oh, that’s right. I’m nothing to them anymore. They’re happier without me. 

He felt his heartbeat slowing down until it became a faint thump he could hardly feel. The darkness in his vision started closing in faster, until he could hardly make out anything at all. Even the dull pain had completely subsided. He didn’t even feel his body at all anymore.

I’m all alone.

Kunigami closed his eyes, and welcomed death once and for all.

.

.

.

“....Kunigami….”

.

.

.

“...Kunigami!”

A sudden jolt hit his cold body. Kunigami gasped. A sharp breath hit his chest, causing him to cough violently. 

He opened his eyes, and was surprised to be looking at the sky. The big, bright blue sky that extended as far as the eye could see, and the foliage of the trees that littered it. The sun burned brightly in his eyes. 

He couldn’t feel his arms, nor his legs, but he saw the back of someone’s head close beside him out of the corner of his vision. He looked down, and saw the rest of their body, heaving with unrest. 

Then he saw his own body. Except it wasn’t a body. It was a pile of dirt-green sludge this person was hugging, and that sludge was him. Their hair pressed deeply against him.

Reddish-pink chin-length hair.

“...Tei?”

“Kunigami!”

The person pulled him back and Kunigami saw the same smiling face that had greeted him every morning for the past week. Except instead of a smile, this one was streaked with tears and her mouth quivered in despair. But she seemed to have been aware of that, because her expression quickly twisted into a reassuring smile and she closed her eyes. 

“I’m so glad you’re okay. Are you hurt anywhere? Come on, let’s get home and-”

“They killed me.”

Tei stopped. Her head, which had already turned around to leave, stayed in position, obscuring her expression from him. 

“T-They killed me… They.. T-They called me a monster. Mom and dad wanted me dead. They all wanted me dead.” His tears quickly bubbled until his voice broke out into a sob. He hiccuped and wailed, while desperately trying to hold onto what was left of his body: a pile of dripping sludge.

Tei kept her hands on him, and her face obscured. 

“Do they all want me dead? Everyone? Because I-I’m a horrible monster?”

He crumbled down, feeling himself slump against Tei’s body. His wails grew louder, until his voice grew completely and utterly hoarse. 

Until all that was left was his sniffling and occasional hiccups.

He felt the breeze even against his body of sludge.

An eternity of silence passed by them.

“Why am I not dead?” He whispered quietly. “Why am I still here?”

He looked up, as if looking for Tei for an answer, but to his surprise, instead of the confident and gentle smile she always provided for him, heavy tears streamed down her face. Her body shook beneath him. 

“...I’m sorry.”

She pulled him close to her, although he was only sludge. But that did not matter to her. She held him close for all that she was worth.

“I’m sorry you now have to carry this burden. If only… If only I could have been stronger…Maybe I could’ve…” she cried. Kunigami stared at the sky above them. At the sun, still continuing to taunt them. 

“if I could,” Tei started, attempting to suck a breath in. “I'd make this all go away. I'd give you everything. but I-I'm not strong enough... I'm sorry.”

While Tei sat there, hugging Kunigami as tightly as she could, a bird landed on a tree’s branch. Kunigami watched it flap its wings and peck at the branch. Its movements were slow. As it attempted to fly, it couldn’t lift its body off the three. It could only stand and watch, while a flock of other birds flew above it. Until finally, it moved slowly close to the trunk of the tree. There, it sat, and leaned against it. It closed its eyes and became deathly still. A feather slowly fell from its wing. 

The bird had died. Yet Kunigami was still alive. Now converted into a monster, he had no other choice but to stay alive. Even if his humanity had long since been dead. 

~

Kunigami held his breath as his fingers combed through the leaves. Beyond the bushes and forest line, a clearing opened up to the warm sunlight. Tiny trees spotted the empty space and from the center, water streamed down from a structure the color of a dull gray.  Beyond it, a structure more massive than anything he has ever seen before towered into the sky. 

This is the castle.., he thought. 

Before his curiosity could take a hold of him, sudden fear washed over as he spotted a group of people close to the tall gray walls. They were a good distance away, almost completely obscured by the trees, leaves, and stream of water, but the reality of what it could mean if any of them were to catch his eye ran his blood cold. 

He took a step back. 

I need to leave. 

A stick broke under his foot. He sucked a breath in, but the voices and figures didn’t waver. Instead, they cruelly turned in the direction of the rustling leaves. 

I need to leave, I need to leave, I need

“Are you hiding?”

Kunigami could’ve sworn he heard his heart sputter. 

A few feet off to the side in the forest stood a boy with reddish-pink hair down to his chin. His fancy clothes hung loosely off his body, but not in a way to indicate they were too large for him; more like it was purposely messed up and tampered with. But most importantly, the vest he had on stopped at the end of his collarbone, leaving his entire shoulders exposed.

And the long pink mark branded on it.

“I know a spot to hide.” 

Kunigami snapped his eyes away and he noticed the stare the boy had on him while he said those words. The emotion behind them was unclear, but the boy smiled nonetheless and it was then that Kunigami realized his grave mistake. 

He bolted as quickly as he could from his position. 

Not only had he been seen by a human, but the kingdom’s one and only prince. If the prince were to even mutter that he saw a strange boy with no mark in the forest, armed guards and knights would infest the forest for all the square miles it stretched across, and Kunigami and Tei would have little way of escaping. He almost felt the grim reaper’s scythe graze his neck when those boy’s eyes met his. 

However, before he could even get out of the boy’s sight, a blob of pink appeared before him. Kunigami stumbled back. He tripped on his own two feet and fell back to the ground. He’s so fast..!, he thought. 

“Hold on!” the boy said. “Don’t go over there. The guards sometimes enter through that side.” He stopped and took a minute to look at Kunigami, which only made him tremble more on the ground. Then, his face took on a look of determination. 

“C’mon, I know a better hiding spot.” 

Before Kunigami could say a word, the boy took his wrist and started running off in the opposite direction, tugging him off the ground. 

Kunigami felt his thoughts running circles in his mind. 

The first was how fast this boy actually was. Kunigami has always considered himself quite fast, but this boy was on a whole other level. He made him seem like a slug by comparison. 

The second thought that entered his mind was one of panic. He wondered where he was taking him. Was this all a trick? Is he going to turn him into the castle security under the guise of trying to help him? After all, to Kunigami, that seemed infinitely more believable than the literal prince of Belushi helping some random boy he found in the forest. What should he say, how could he convince the stern castle guards that he was a simple lost boy in the forest and hide the fact that he has no soul mark in sight? How is he going to hide Tei’s existence as well? All of the fears he has accumulated from Tei’s warnings of the towns for all these years manifested itself as an all-consuming pit in his stomach threatening to kill him from the inside out before he can ever get to the guards. There is a possibility of him getting tortured to get him to speak on who else he was with in the forest, and if that were the case, he needed to find a way to silence himself before they could get the information out of him. 

But as all those worries circled in his head, a third thought crept into his mind. He closed his eyes. He tried to ignore it. 

He tried to forget the split-second softened look the boy gave him as he stared at him. 

After running for roughly 10 minutes, to Kunigami’s estimate, they entered into a clearing in the forest, a circular grassy area with dense trees covering all around except for the top, allowing for the sunlight to wash into the empty space. Flowers dotted the grass and off to the side, there was a small lake no bigger than the size of Kunigami and Tei’s shelter. A few stumps were scattered across. 

Kunigami looked around, cautious yet fascinated by the landscape that had almost a dream-like filter no matter where he turned to look. The boy, who by then had dragged him to one of the stumps, started digging into the dirt to pull out a burlap bag. When he opened it up, it was filled with berries and bread. 

“Are you hungry? I can grab more food if you don’t like these.”

“Um.. No, It’s alright..”

The boy shrugged and plopped a berry in his mouth before jumping up and laying down on the stump. Kunigami’s mind was still reeling. He wanted to run away, to run back to Tei as soon as possible, but with the threat of the guards still surrounding them, he was left with no choice but to stay. He looked at the boy, who was already popping in his 10th berry. 

His carefree nature almost made Kunigami terrified in itself.

The boy opened one eye. “What?”

“N-No, I just..” He sputtered. “Why- Aren’t you scared of me?”

The boy just blinked in response. He sat up and ate another berry. “Why?”

“Well.. A random boy from the forest was near your garden.” Kunigami held his arms close to his chest, trying his best not to show any signs of being a threat. If this boy wanted to, he could have him killed in a heartbeat, or at the slightest warning.

But instead, the boy did not look scared in the slightest. If anything, concern flicked in his expression. Then, it turned into one of contemplation. 

“Are you planning something bad?”

“No!” He responded a little too loudly. 

The boy stood up and smiled at Kunigami. “Then I believe you. You’re just like me, you just live in the forest right?”

The bizarre nature of the conversation made Kunigami’s head spin, but before he could protest any further, the boy enthusiastically jumped back and ran away teasingly. “While we’re waiting for the guards to leave, let’s play a game! I know a bunch of good ones from my sister. Hurry, before my parents start looking for us, uhh.. What’s your name?”

Kunigami bit his tongue. He clenched his hands together while anxiety closed his throat but when he raised his eyes again to look at the boy, he was smiling at him with a radiant face: a smile as bright as the sun behind him. 

“..My name is Kunigami.”

“Kunigami,” the boy said, almost like he was testing the name on his tongue. He giggled a bit and held out his hand towards him. His vibrant pink soulmark on his shoulder glittered in the sunlight. 

“Nice to meet you, Kunigami. I’m Chigiri Hyoma.”

[saph-writes]

may or may not have finished a chapter of a fic for the first time in over half a year 👀

[saph-writes]

The [Blue] Pale Spirit, Singing - Chapter 2

ao3 link:

Words: 8926

Chapters: 1

Morning comes easily and nearly overshadows the previous night. Pouring into the room, weak sunlight trickles over Ness’s bed, tiptoeing across peach-colored sheets and stain-colored floors. Along with it comes the day’s heat and a warm weight pressing on his face. Ness breathes into it as the room comes into focus. 

Out the window, the tips of forest trees are washed with a painful red, just beyond where a few bobbed and fell forward silently. Tree-plucking is a common thing this time of year, but there was something unnerving about the receding forest line inching away from the castle. In a few years time, just how much of it would be left? 

Too early. 

With a heavy sigh, he slowly gets up from the bed, no matter how much his back and arms ache. Silence vibrates across the room as the daily routine of morning eases itself into his movements.

The rooms around his make up the elite royal hall, and while those are reserved for nothing short of the highest-ranking officials, early morning often finds itself deadly alone. Granted, Ness is the righthand man, so perhaps it is only his duties that require this early time. Especially if they are to get ready for this morning’s events.  

Ness fits the sleeve on his right arm. His eyes catch the back of his hand and, for just a moment, he snaps out of his habitual robotic movements to stare at the fake soul mark plastered on.

A dark, purplish color and curled around into sharp points. The soul mark Lady Ilse had chosen for him was a crown, far too big to fit comfortably on the back of his hand, and far too fancy and intricate to be realistically his. However, at the time, Lady Ilse was satisfied with this design, so Ness had kept his mouth shut.

Yet the longer he stares at it, the more a growing sense of unease digs itself into the pits of his stomach, appearing almost like hatred or disgust or perhaps jealousy all at once. Because in some ways, this crown placed shamelessly on his hand looks like the blue roses of Prince Kaiser. 

Like the cunning smile, like the edges painted perfectly by the very gods, like the voice that sounded beautiful even when it said his name. When Ness heard it, for the first time, he didn’t hate how it sounded. It didn’t even sound like his. It was like the Prince took the very ownership of the word by speaking it alone-

Damn it. Ness shook his head. The thought dissipated.

This is going to be harder than he thought. 

However, that worry quickly breaks away when a growing pain begins pounding in the head. Ness recognizes it as one of the bodily aches he felt every morning. However, the pain grows stronger and Ness clutches his head. Sounds start emerging from outside the walls, the sounds of people starting their day. Before it could get any worse, Ness grabs a headpiece from the nearby nightstand. It fits perfectly on his head and, like a miracle, the pounding ceases. 

Ness breaths out a sigh of relief. 

He looks out the window. The sun has made a significant way up and the sky is slowly turning into the clear-blue waters he knows well rather than the unnerving orange-reds that streaks across at sunrise. 

In the mirror, his special-occasion outfit takes on the blue, along with the fluffy brown, purple-streaked hair that sticks out like a sore thumb and the pale-white complexion starved of sunlight. Ness moves his hand to fix the headpiece on his head. It buries itself in his hair, letting only the golden material carved into pointed tips and curved leaves to appear in the front. So small, yet so unwantedly noticeable. 

Ness takes in another a small breath and whispers to himself. Over and over like a prayer. 

“Excuse me, Sir.”

A woman sticks herself into the room, holding the door slightly ajar. It is only morning, and yet her hair is a mess and she looks out of breath. “The Inner Circle is reminding us to attend to your duties in a timely manner so as to not cause any trouble in other areas. Just a single mistake could cause disturbances all around, so please see that your responsibilities are met.” Judging by the robotic telling of those words, she must be going into every room repeating herself. 

Ness nods. “Understood.” 

The woman dashes out without a word. He steps up to the door. Sounds of hurry and busy steps echoed from outside and, in the midst of it all, without hesitation, Ness let himself be sucked into the beating life of the castle. 

“Please let this go well.”

~

Before they can get everything in place, the Inner Circle calls for a meeting check down in the greeting hall. Its walls are so vast and the ceiling so endless that even when hundreds of people are running back and forth and nervously fidgeting at where they stand, it never feels overwhelming. Ness looks into the hall with a somehow calm and easy breath. 

“They always go overboard.” Ness looks in front of him as he continues walking only to find himself instead looking at his side. 

Prince Kaiser is dressed in the special attire he wears for occasions. It is not much different from his typical outfit, only this one has a piece of fabric sewn from the left side of his neck to his shoulder in order to drape behind him into a lopsided cape. The roses on his neck were left fully exposed. 

Ness knows why that was. By far the most important aspect of the royal family’s appearance is their soul marks, therefore every special blouse tailored for them is made with the intent of framing itself around it. 

On the Prince’s outfit, this comes from the appearance of vine and leaf patterns scattered across, drawn up until it comes to his exposed skin, where it extends past the fabric to wrap itself around the blue roses. Even if one is ignorant enough to not know the face of the most important person in the kingdom, they can not overlook the status that came intrinsically tied with a neck soulmark. 

It has its technical purpose, but Ness can not help himself from finding his eyes being drawn to the exposed skin littered in blue. Because there was an aesthetic beauty as well to have it exposed. Soul marks are always beautiful, but Prince Kaiser’s exceeds all expectations. The deep blue shines at every opportunity. Blue like the sky. Deep, rich, vibrant.  

“What are the towns again?” Ness snaps his attention back up to Kaiser, who is staring at him with a polite smile. Damn it. 

“Hosek and Konto. They are near the kingdom’s center, my Prince.” 

“I see. How odd is it that the towns struck most by monster attacks have some of our best royal guards deployed there. I’m sure they don’t need much more help than they already have. To get all dressed up for such a simple journey like this…”

Since they are in the castle, no bodyguards are near them at all. Perhaps that is why he is talking so casually. Though, it is never this much so…

Ness looks back towards the front. They are now standing by the far wall and are watching one of the Inner Council members commanding the crowd of people, all from different areas of the castle. 

Next to Prince Kaiser at a considerable distance away, the other members are standing by, watching. Like he said, they are dressed in their special attire. Lady Helena and Lady Leonie, decorated in long dresses that pooled around them, are whispering to each other before Sir Siene hits one of them with his elbow. His gaze holds a threatening look. The two turn their attention back to Sir Adal giving his speech, but the smiles still remain on their faces. 

Beside them, Lady Ilse catches his eye. At the same time, Prince Kaiser clears his throat. Ness darts his eyes away. 

“Ah, apologies, it seems I had something stuck in my throat. I hope I didn’t distract you.” 

“There is no need, my Prince. My sole duty is to serve you.”

The Prince looked at him and his lips curved ever so slightly. “Is that so? All right, let’s say, if I told you to not pay attention to this speech in front of us, would you not?”

The question is odd, but Ness answers nonetheless. “Yes, that would be your command, my Prince.”

“And how would I know if you truly didn’t?”

“That is impossible, sir. I have to obey your word.”

“Tell me, do I have the ability to read your mind, Ness?”

For some reason, Ness can not help but think of Lady Ilse who caught his gaze just a moment earlier. “...No, sir.”

“And yet you have to obey me, correct?”

“Yes.”

“Then, if what you say is true, I may have control over your movements, but there is no way for me to have control over your heart. So, simply put, I would have no idea if you were paying attention in our hypothetical. Or what you are thinking and feeling at this very moment. Isn’t that right?”

Ness opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. For the first time, he has nothing to say. Prince Kaiser continues to look at him as Ness struggles to come up with an answer. Luckily, something from in front steals his attention away, making him turn and stand up straight. Ness lets out a shaken breath.

"Before we proceed," Sir Adal declares. "I am thrilled to announce that we have a few words from our dear Prince for us all today. I know I do not have to tell you all to give him your undivided attention."

The use of the word 'dear' clearly makes Kaiser's face tense. He glares at Sir Adal with pressed lips and narrowed eyes, but Sir Adal simply smiles in response.

The people huddled in the crowds, previously anxious and on edge, trapped by the looming walls of the hall, break into washes of ease and anticipation from the declaration. From the mere mention of the Prince.

Ness looks to his right as Prince Kaiser steps forward and he could have sworn he felt a hand graze his back. The Prince, in all his glory and commanding nature, one that could even be felt from facing his back alone, casts a shadow from where the rays of the sunrise shown through the stained glass windows behind him. The blue on his neck, glimmering. In this setting, he almost looks like a mystical being that has been descended down upon them, and the room falls deathly silent.

Even Ness can not stop himself from getting entranced at the sight.

"Good morning."

As he speaks, the crowd stays silent. Even the sun seems to stop its descent up to take a listen at his words. Words that are passionate and bold and carefully put together, but to Ness, they are also strangely… robotic. Monotonous, dull, no life stringing them along. A heavy weight presses on Ness's chest. Has Prince Kaiser always spoken like this in his speeches?

"And finally, let us all remember our roots within the duties we carry, the roles we play. A kingdom is no kingdom without its head, but a head is no head without its people. No matter where our connections lie, nothing short of everything should be given for the good of the kingdom we are so blessed to be born into, which commands both our sweat and our safety. Work not for yourself, but for the whole of the people entrusted to us. That is all we can do. Thank you."

Applause breaks through the crowd that, while formal, holds newfound motivation beneath it, breaking through the slugginess of morning. Feeling his own heart beat loudly in his chest, Ness watches the sight as Prince Kaiser turns away to his direction.

Before they are surrounded by the bodyguards and staff, before they are thrusted into the public eye, Ness hears the Prince say something from his side. Just loud and soft enough for Ness and only Ness to hear him.

"I'm a good improviser, aren't I?"

~

The townspeople hold a similar reaction as the people in the castle. Only this time, without the veil of formality casted over, joy takes on a rowdier face. Screams and cheers erupt from the crowd, even reaching to where Ness can briefly view them from his position. They are standing above in a tower overseeing the town’s center, and while he and the guards lie in the shadows, Prince Kaiser walks out onto the platform stretched over the people. 

The crowd’s ecstasy quiets down as he puts a hand out, but their anticipation remains loud, their awe deafening. Even Ness can hear it, so far far away.

 A suddening crackling blows it all to dust. 

“Good morning.”

Same starter as before. 

The spell the guards are casting on either side of Ness projects the Prince’s voice to a heavenly level, like it is a message being sent to all over the planet from galactic gods. Ness would not be surprised if Prince Kaiser’s voice is reaching the outskirts of the most far away kingdoms. 

“As you all look up at me in our current circumstances, remember it is only by situation in which that remains true. I, in all other times relinquished to my duty, am but and only but the servant for the body of our beloved kingdom. By the nature of my position, I am your protector, your guard, your shadow, and your righthand man. So when a threat passes by what I so earnestly promise to protect, I can not simply stand to the side. Such an act would be considered a mockery and an utter disservice to what binds us together. It would be the same as treason.” 

The speech lasts for approximately 15 minutes. As he speaks, not a single word is uttered from the townspeople nor the guards and staff standing by. Ness kepts his breath held. Never before has 15 minutes felt so encapsulating and distant all at once. 

At a few moments, certain lines catch his attention. 

“The reason I stand by you all today is not from the expectations entrusted to me from my role, nor the wishes of my dead mother and father, former Queen and King who continue to watch over us all…” His arms move at his words, reaching from the tops of the skies to the heads littering below. “Doing all they can to ensure our safety and protection from vile beasts and creatures. No, the reason I am here today is simply because there is no other way I would have it.”

Strong, bold, clear in intent. It almost does enough to cover everything up.

The speech reaches its end. 

“If there is anything you must take away, if but one thing I promise to you all, is no matter the barbed wire and mines hidden in our path, nothing is more absolute than the decisions of our steps. The way we move forward or the concrete nature of our acts. Do not let fate sway our life’s pendulum. If there is an obstacle, only our hands hold its threat. Break it, or let it go free. The decision has always been ours to make. And by the heaven’s legacy of our dead, I can promise you all here. Colluhira has never been a kingdom to break.”

Almost enough. 

At the finale of the proclamation, a show casts onto the sky. Series of lights and explosions of color and mystical blue winds flowing downwards. It tickles the limbs of the crowd and sinks into it like a heart, sparking joy as if it were pumping blood and taking in oxygen from the awe of the gasps and little kids’ laughter. The rest did not take long to realize the source of this elaborate spell and before long, cheers erupted once again. 

“Long live the Prince!”

“Long live Prince Kaiser!” 

Joy is infectious. That is the only way to explain it. Because in what other way can one imagine that these very people felt fear just a day or hours before? Their hope has manifested and contanimated so quickly, only one source can be pinpointed immediately. 

Prince Kaiser walks away into the interior of the tower. He nods his head at the guards.

They make it to the tower’s base. The guards encircle around them, a barrier, to seal away the joy-sick euphoria. Noise floods all around, triumph, in all its different shapes and forms. 

“Have you all seen it?! Our Prince is so powerful he doesn’t even need a soulmate to unleash his prowess!”

“He’s incredible! Divine! Our Gods have blessed us, blessed us all!”

They can not even see them beyond the guards. 

“We have all been saved!”

They did not notice it at all. 

Music plays from the crowd and stretches over all the heads and cheers. Strong and clear, words can be made out which strings together in a low melody, melancholic and wistful. It contrasts so loudly between the happiness it shrouds, but surprisingly it is that very joy that makes it so vivid to hear. 

“Let our strong souls live

Between the strings of fate.”

Ness watches as Prince Kaiser holds in his hand up to his neck, and the blue hue floating around it. The spell circulates where the millions of tiny lights fly around. However, it never once crosses above their heads or between the guards. Only the townspeople can feel and experience them from the outside. 

“May they fall, may they break

Two ends at the stake.” 

Eventually they make it to the station. The fence blocks everything out, and the guards part ways. Their heads bow deeply forward, and Kaiser steps in between them. The blue hue on his fingers dissipates, but the cheers and joy from behind continue. Ness can not see his face as he follows. He does not know if he is smiling at the happiness he has made. 

They step up into the small station, which is a size big enough to fit 3-4 people, through the filtered entrance where the soul mark on their skin glows in response. The distant sounds of music still ring in Ness’s ears as he and Prince Kaiser steps onto the platform 

“Only pin of love amends”

“Ready when you are,” Prince Kaiser says, giving him a smile. His hand shrouded in blue stretches out. Ness nods. Kaiser’s palm touches the soul mark on the back of Ness’s hand. 

“To replay, to try, all and all again.” 

The world sinks away from them. 

“Only you may decide when I am.” 

~

People crowd around them when they enter the castle, their hands filled with papers and scrolls. The kingdom’s staff have taken upon themselves to ask about the littlest of things to get only a conversation in with the prince. They are not the only ones however, as the others stand out with the colors of their respective kingdoms plastered on their suits. Amidst the bustling, they try to get a few words in. 

“Prince Kaiser, if you have but a moment-!”

“Our kingdom is willing to provide supplies and alliance in these trying times, would you care to-”

Prince Kaiser raises his hand. The demanding chatter quiets down. 

“Apologies, but Colluhira is not in need of any aid as of this time. Your rooms are over by the west hall. Those papers will be taken care of. Any and all other uncertainties with any duties can be handled by our Inner Circle members, I believe they are scattered about. Ask Sir Adal if you can. Now if you will excuse me…”

In only mere seconds, the group dispersed. Some hold their head up high and leave whilst others are still sticking by close, pretending to be occupied. Ness watches the ambassadors, three in total, take their leave. Two are in red while one is in yellow. Their back and stomach soul marks represent them respectively.  

After events, even the small ones, the castle bustles with activity. It is easy to get lost, and Ness spies some lone servants in-training losing sight of their masters while the laughter of children can be heard in the distance. Ness frowns. The classrooms should have been in session today. Nearby, as Kaiser requested, Sir Adal is swamped by lost new staff.

It is incredible how the Prince can drive them all to their positions with little more than a few words. Not that he should be surprised, considering the role of a Prince naturally carries a high amount of respect. Although he was young when the previous King and Queen were alive, something told him that Prince Kaiser is treated differently by his kingdom compared to before. 

Perhaps some of it is out of pity, or perhaps it is something more. 

For certain, however, there are many more requests for alliances with kingdoms than ever. The King was infamous for how little he cared for political relationships and Prince Kaiser was no different. 

Still, Ness finds it odd that the ambassadors are addressing the Prince directly instead of the Inner Circle. Lady Ilse would not be happy. Ness makes a mental note to bring it up cautiously in the next report. 

He stops. 

Wait, that is right. He is meant to report everything each week to the Inner Circle. What is he going to do with the taboo interactions he has been having with the Prince? 

Sure, it is Prince Kaiser who has been engaging in conversation, but there is no certainty that Ness would not bear some of the blame. He is the one having these thoughts after all. Not to mention it is his role to stick close to him. If they catch wind of the situation, naturally they will catch on that the only solution is to separate them. Therefore, Ness can not perform his duty. He will not be useful to them. At that point, what purpose will he have left? Would they even need him? What will happen to him afterwards? 

Ness clutches his hand. The (fake) soul mark aches and stinges his skin as he grits his teeth. Possibilities run through his mind until they far overshadow the pain and dread drops to the pits of his stomach. What has he been doing? 

He shoots his gaze up to search for Prince Kaiser. But to his utter horror, he is nowhere to be found. The crowd shrinks and closes in, but no sign of those blue-marked roses anywhere. 

Before he knows it, Ness is pushing through the shoulders and bodies of the staff. Some yelp and launch scolding remarks. Their faces scorn as sternfully as that of how the Inner Circle members would react if they found out he had lost sight of the Prince. 

“Pardon me, excuse me-” Ness apologizes, over and over again. Stunning stained glass windows, marbled floors, paintings, balconies, pillars, but no Prince. Eventually, Ness breaks away from the main room and into the South hall, and he feels his breath shimmer down with the absence of suffocating people. Still, his heart beats loudly in his ears. 

Prince Kaiser is not one to sneak away without notifying someone. Even while he was visiting the towns without the Inner Circle’s knowledge, he still brought along his guards and Ness, his righthand man. In fact, Prince Kaiser, outside of his room, never does anything without Ness right beside him. The possibility of the Prince losing purpose for him has never even once crossed his mind. 

Eventually, Ness reaches the end of the hall, out of breath and his legs already achy. He clenches his fists and opens the final door. 

No Prince, once again, but something else laid in the middle of the room. 

Occasionally, for events held with other kingdoms to build good relations or those for simply public festivities and building good morale, an individual would be hired to play the background music. Many would bring their own instruments and equipment, but specifically piano is a popular choice. Therefore, in the Colluhira castle, they dedicate an entire room to housing a piano for such occasions. 

The room is spacious, so it has turned into more of a storage closet, but the piano is nonetheless still the main spectacle. 

It is also the only room without windows to let the inside be seen. 

Ness closes the door behind him. He finds himself stepping carefully on the smooth floor, both to not trip and to not make a sound. Holding his breath, he gradually makes his way to the piano. 

If there is one category of people more spectacular than the royal family, to Ness it would be musicians. That is, of course, a biased belief on his part, so he has taken great care to not let it be known, and yet it is true to him. Everyone who lives in the kingdom admires, first and foremost, the royal family, and whatever comes second is as varied and indvidualized as soul marks itself. 

As his fingers graze the keys, he remembers the festivities he has been around for to witness a piano being played. Their hand movements always moved so gracefully and seamlessly. Ness attempts to emulate it to an embarrassing degree, and while his fingers stay as clumsy as they always have been, it does not look as horrible as it did the first few times. Ness holds his breath even longer as he tries to get himself lost in the notes. 

He has no music sheet, not that he can read one. No windows or chatter surround him. He is not staring at the back of anyone. Ness closes his eyes, and for once, the moment of solitude does not feel deafening. He is alone with the music. For him, that is enough. 

All of a sudden, the room’s door closes. Ness’s heart stops. 

“I thought I heard noise coming from this room.” 

A sickly sweet voice and slow careful words. He recognizes that voice better than anyone and the peace of just a moment ago feels all but distant, as if it slipped away from his fingertips as soon as that door opened. He knows better than to take the time to scorn himself before providing a response. 

“Lady Ilse…” 

Lady Ilse stares, and looks at his hands on the keys. “..I was not aware you were interested in piano, Ness.” 

“Not at all. The keys were dirty, and I did not wish to trouble you.” The lie comes out before Ness could stop himself. It is such a shock that he shuts his mouth before it can betray him more.  He is well aware of the dangerous game he is playing. 

If Lady Ilse has realized, she does not show it. “I see. More importantly, however, I see the Prince is not with you.” 

Ness nearly takes in a sharp breath before he stops himself. He has no rebuttal, so he simply looks away to bury himself in shame. He can feel the disappointment even this many feet away. “He slipped away before I could catch him. That is my mistake.” 

“Mistakes are dangerous, Ness. Surely you recognize that, right?”

“Yes, of course. I apologize.” 

“And yet, here you are, seemingly with the time to concern yourself with frivolous things. A piano, isn’t that right? I had been meaning to finally get rid of it for the longest time, and perhaps now I will get around to it. Less distractions means more time to be efficient. Or am I wrong, Ness?”

Ness bites his cheek. “No, not at all.” 

A silence settles upon them, stretching on long enough for Ness to feel the pain on his hand to reach the ends of his shoulder, until Lady Ilse finally lets out a sigh. She then comes closer and, to Ness’s surprise, places a hand on his hair. It feels soft and comforting. The pain dissipates. 

“You know, Ness, if I were any other person, you would have been killed the moment you were attacked.” 

Ness sucks his breath in. His hands feel numb. Like he had been transported to those many years back.

Lady Ilse smoothes out his hair but continues, saying in a low honey-filled voice, “But I am grateful I did not. You are more of a help than I could have ever imagined, and your loyalty is admirable. If you were in my shoes, Ness, would it not feel as a betrayal to find that loyalty is split, at best, by other interests? Such as passions or… people?”

Ness does not give a response. He is too busy staring at the floor, his heart pounding out of his chest and the possibility of Lady Ilse already being aware of the Prince’s advances running through his head. 

“Of course, I only mean that last part hypothetically. You, of all people, know the self-inficted harm that would come as a result of leaving us, right? After all, I am doing my part. I have not told any of the other Inner Circle members your condition, despite the clear consequences I would likely face if they were to find out. The inherent dangers of people like you. And yet here I am, anyways. Loyal as ever.” He looks up, ever so slightly, to see her brief small smile. 

Something warm spreads in his chest. He wonders if this was what it felt like to have a motherly figure watching over him.

She steps away, and her face falls to how it was before. “Now, Prince Kaiser…” Ness can see how she carefully strings her thoughts together behind those dark soft eyes. She briefly glances behind her

“Just like his father, that boy is perceptive. There is no longer any doubt he is well aware of our intentions, as he has taken measures to sneak away on his own. He must surely be planning something.” 

Lady Ilse sighs. “Well, there is little we can do about such thoughts. It is only when he starts interfering with our plans that we must step in, and that matter lies with you, Ness. In other words, our success in gaining the throne is in your hands. Can we trust you?”  

She frames it as a question, but for Ness, there is no other option. “Yes, Lady Ilse.” A test, and a needless one at that. He knows the correct response. 

She nods. “Lovely. Do not take advantage of my love for you.”

Just as she begins to walk away, her steps stop. With her back still turned, she asks a question, letting her words echo in the room, “The soul spell is working well, I take it?”

Just as relief has washed over him, all the previous tension from before returns back to Ness. He is grateful she is turned away, as he can feel his arms already begin to tremble. “Yes… yes it is.” 

“Hm. Very well.” 

Finally, the door closes shut behind her. 

There are no windows in the room, but Ness can feel all the eyes staring at him from the walls. He pulls his hand away to his chest in disgust and slowly, his head rests against the side of the piano. It is soft and smooth. But it does not matter. Lady Ilse said herself. It is of no value to anyone other than himself. Essentially, no one at all. 

Ness reflects back on the interaction. Lady Ilse has never acted in that way before. Her words always carried an edge of coldness and distance, but for once, such a space was closed. She smiled, and provided comfort. The guilt of being enraptured by Prince Kaiser comes back to engulf his heart until it aches. What else can he blame other than his own stupidity? He does not deserve the kindness Lady Ilse had been willing to spare. 

He clenches his fist. From the depths of his guilt-ridden heart and poor conscience, he makes a promise to himself. He will report every interaction he has had with the Prince so far. That much should not have been a question and yet it was. Therefore, it is up to him to amend that disloyalty. 

Lady Ilse will see to it that he will bear little of the consequences. If anything, that is what today’s conversation has proven to him. It seems he has nothing to fear after all in terms of being regarded as unnecessary.

Ness looks back down at the piano. They have not had a public event necessary for a piano in years. It is taking up space, and hardly anyone plays it at all.  

And even if that were the case, they can always buy another. 

He walks out of the room. Lady Ilse is already far gone. When he exits the South Hall, the main room is nearly empty, besides the usual servants and staff. Still, no Prince in sight. Ness looks around and decides to head towards Prince Kaiser’s room. After all, that is the only place he is capable of being alone. 

Midday has already taken its place in the sky, where the glistening sun shines rays inside the hall. As Ness searches through the doors, his eyes catch some of the paintings littered in the empty spaces between them. 

Just like musicians, they hire painters to create art for the royal family. Ness remembers seeing a lot more come by before, only witnessing the number of visits dwindle after the King and Queen’s passing. And not just out of mourning or lack of connections either. After all these years, he can not forget the fear that shrouded this castle for much of the Prince’s childhood. 

Upon that thought, Ness catches the eyes of a particular three faces captured on the wall. As if they heard his thoughts, the King and Queen stare down at the floor with serious gazes, their eyes both dead and alive at the same time. And to trademark their royalty status, the pops of blue in the dark unsaturated colors stand out spectacularly. Both of their soulmarks run from their necks to their hands, and their outfits show them off as so. 

If Ness’s memory serves him right, it was the Queen who, by fate, rose to status of the royalty family from the simple townsgirl she was. Her birth soul mark, a curly ink pen, covers the entirety of the back of her hand. The King’s soul mark, an intricate lock, appears on the base of the neck where a chain connects the two, reaching across her whole arm. The entire soul mark appears the same on the King. 

Often it can be difficult to tell which soul mark is the birth mark of the respective soulmates after their 18th birthday, and some feel entitled to that kind of privacy. 

But for the royal family, they do not get such a luxury. Their status is known from the moment they are born, and their 18th birthday is made into a spectacle. 

Ness looks down at the young face in between the two towering figures, a small and still innocent boy. His hair had just begun to turn blue at the edges, and the soul mark on his neck, right side, has not even formed its shape yet. It was deformed, and appeared like more of a blob. 

One would expect, at such a youthful and immature age, for the child to be eccentric and filled with joy. But for this one, his face stays as serious as those of his parents, whose hands wrap around him as if they are sealing him away. His immaturity is only seen in his facial features, and even then thick layers of make-up rush to hide away the childishness. 

He could not have been more than 8 years old at the time, and yet he was already a King in the making. 

“Why, hello there~” 

Ness jumps. The whisper went so close to his ear, he can feel it vibrating in his skull and tickling a certain part of his brain. He whips around, and a small laugh meets him. 

Prince Kaiser takes a step back. “I’ve been wondering where you were.”  

“My Prince, I…” Ness finds himself trailing off, because how is he meant to explain that he had failed his one duty to always stick by his side? He does not get a chance to continue, however, as the Prince speaks before he gets the chance to. 

“You shouldn’t be somewhere you can’t be found easily. How do you believe it looks for me when I am alone, traversing through the castle, Ness?”

“Of course, I apologize, sir.” He bites his lip and for some reason feels an eerily familiar feeling of guilt rise in his throat. It must be the same one of before, of letting the Inner Circle down. The eyes of the boy from the painting glares down on his back.  

It is a weighty stare, and yet the Prince Kaiser does not look up at it in the slightest. Instead, he sighs and takes a look around them. He walks closer to Ness. 

Ness tenses up, and he takes a sharp breath in. However, the Prince only comes up to his side, close enough to where Ness can not see his face but can hear his whisper perfectly and clearly by his ear. 

“We will be going back into town.” Ness nearly turns his head around out of reflex, but Kaiser catches him by his shoulder. “The guards can not follow us, and our presence must not be revealed. No one must know about this trip.” 

There are two tones Ness has learned that Prince Kaiser uses over the years he has served him. One is the professional, and, he recently realized, distant voice he takes when addressing the staff, the public, and even the Inner Circle members, albeit the last one always carries a subtle bitterness to it. The second is by far the newest one: the casual and soft tone he has used when speaking to Ness, ever since last night. But it is so new that Ness does not know how to completely categorize it yet. 

However, the voice Prince Kaiser is using now is one he has never heard from him before. It is serious, low, and feels nearly angry. It feels resentful, but vulnerable at the same time. Ness has a guess on who that resent is for. 

Kaiser takes a step back, and like magic, that emotion is gone. He smiles and whispers again, still taking great care to hide their voices. “I can trust you, Ness, right?” A flicker of amusement plays across his expression. 

A dangerous game. If they are caught, it could mean trouble for the two of them both. Prince Kaiser would surely get punished, but as for Ness, it could go as far as geting him executed with a charge of treason even Lady Ilse can not bail him out of. 

But Ness remembers the promise he made to himself just a few moments before. In fact, it may be beneficial for him to let Prince Kaiser continue to believe he is wholeheartedly on his side, and show to him his plans he would not let known to anyone else. He is a spy after all, and so would that not mean one of his duties includes deceiving his target into believing he is a companion? 

If he goes along with Kaiser, he can provide more information in the report. And be more of a help than ever. 

The plan is so obvious Ness feels like an idiot for not figuring it out sooner. 

So he decides to try something. If he needs to play along with this game, he must carry the act all the way. 

Ness looks Kaiser directly in the eyes, and smiles. 

He remembers Lady Ilse’s honey-sweet voice. 

“Of course, my Prince.” 

Prince Kaiser’s smile widens in amusement. 

~

The first thing the Prince does is take Ness to his bedroom. The bed is tidy and the desk, unlike last night, is empty and polished. Ness stands by the door, his arms crossed behind him, as Prince Kaiser walks towards the wide open window. He motions for him to follow. 

The bedrooms of the royal family sit on the 4th floor of the castle, so as Ness stands by the window, the ground outside dives deep enough for him to feel nauseous. Prince Kaiser places a hand on the window and holds another out. Ness barely registers what he is attempting to do before the panic settles in. 

“My Prince, you do not mean to-?”

“I do hope you’re not afraid of heights.” 

Before he could do anything, Ness feels his hand get snatched and smooth fingers wrap around its back. He shuts his eyes close and all of a sudden, the ground disappears beneath them. When he opens them again, the sky stretches above them. 

Just before his limbs begin to flail, strong arms grab him. Easily, he might add. Winds pass through his ears to a deafening level. Ness bites his tongue and cheek strong enough for blood to tint his mouth. 

Eventually, his back hits something hard. Ness winces and crumbles over. 

“Don’t make a sound.” 

He looks up. They are in an enclosure of trees, in the area closest to the castle where the garden is. Ness is between two bushes, and Prince Kaiser is crouching behind one of the trees, peering out. Gardenkeepers and guards walk around just a few feet, their faces stern and strict, while the gardenkeepers tend the fields of roses. 

Prince Kaiser lets out a breath, and keeps his finger on his mouth as he uses his other hand to take out a bottle with a clear substance inside. Ness notices belatedly he is casting a spell, and feels something sticky and thick cover his body. He looks down at his hand. It is a dark green with bits of brown mixed in. 

This must be to camouflage us, Ness thinks. After all, monster sludge has shapeshifting properties. Still, he wonders why the Prince used a strength spell instead of an illusion spell for a disguise.  

He looks up to see Prince Kaiser nowhere in sight until something grabs his hand. Only then does he notice a faint outline between the bushes and trees. Stick breaks beyond the trees where the guards are doing their rounds. Ness holds his breath in. Prince Kaiser waits. The guard eventually moves away and he moves forward. Ness lets himself get pulled along through the receding forest. 

The closest town is the one they went to the day before, Teno. The path to the town from the castle is approximately 15 minutes, but to Ness, it feels much longer. 

The sludge is hot, the bushes suffocating, and every so often they had to stop because a guard heard noise coming from the trees. Feeling his heart pound in his ears, the thought of getting caught creeps its way in more than once, and the full realization of what he is doing forces panic in his bones before he can stop it. However, each time, the shakiness is quelled by the constant tugging of his hand, and the warmth wrapped around it. It is so strong he feels it travel up to his chest. 

Normally, his “soul mark” would have started aching by now, and be sending dull pain across his shoulder, but the Prince’s hand right now is like a barrier restricting it. The pain comes up every so often still, but quickly calms down when it hits that warmness. 

Never once has it been so obedient. 

When they exit the forest and Kaiser has to remove his hand to redo the spell, Ness finds himself missing it. 

The sludge begins to move, and only becomes more uncomfortable. However, by the time it is done and Ness looks down, he no longer sees blobs of color, but a fully fledged hand, with a different soul mark and a different sleeve. He touches his chest, and recognizes the clothes of a typical townsman. 

“That’s 4 spells now…” Prince Kaiser ticks his tongue. Ness looks up. His face is rearranged into a different one altogether, his hair is dark and short, and he no longer has those blue roses marked on the side of his neck.  He looks completely different. 

So how is it that he stays so beautiful still? 

Kaiser takes out a small pocket mirror, and glides his fingers across his face, as if checking its legitimacy. His fingers then go down to his neck, and lingers a little too long on the area where his royal soul mark would be. Ness can not see his face, or his expression. 

“Well,” he says, shutting the mirror close. “Shall we get going?” 

Ness nods. He follows behind him. He does not overlook the prominent lack of soulmark anywhere on Prince Kaiser’s disguise. 

They had shapeshifted still a good ways away from the town, but close enough to see the marketplace. Some of the shop lanes extend to the edges of the castle, so it did not take long for the bustling of people to completely take over the natural silence. 

There are more townspeople rushing to the marketplace than usual. The food and clothing stalls are especially overcrowded, likely a result of the panic from the ever increasing number of monster attacks. But even then, liveliness still exists in the area. People are laughing, shoving into one another. One stall is playing music. Children run across the crowd and make noises with their mouths imitating an airplane. Ness can hear the occasional ‘good morning, isn’t it?’ and ‘haven’t seen you two around, welcome along!’ being thrown their way. 

The town is large, but there is a sense of camaraderie between the townspeople. Ness feels overwhelmed by the scene. It is completely different to when they came down as royal officials just the other day. 

“Do not look around. Do not make a sound.” Prince Kaiser says sternly. 

Ness flinches. He lowers his head. “Yes, apologies.” 

Eventually the Prince stops and goes up to a stall. Ness follows him and peeks his head up. It is an antique booth, with spell bottles, scrolls, jewelry, mirrors, maps, statues, and even wands scattered about. The stall is deeply unorganized but contributes to the vintage feel. 

The shopkeeper is an old but sturdy man, who is moving around the messy arrangement behind the table. A young girl sits nearby and is turned away with a bored expression. She looks up at the two customers for only a brief second before returning back to drawing red-outlined shapes in the air. Her red soulmark is a stamp on her hand. 

“Excuse me.” Prince Kaiser says. 

“Ah, yes! Just give me one moment…What can I do for you?” The man turns around quickly and looks between Kaiser and Ness. His face brightens. 

“Ah, two handsome young men! Ruby, dear, look, maybe one of these boys-” 

“Hey! Don’t say that in front of the customers!” The girl, Ruby, exclaims and smacks away the man’s finger pointing at the two. An embarrassed blush paints her cheeks. She looks between Kaiser and Ness, and lets out an exasperated sigh.

She writes down something quickly on a piece of paper, and shoves him aside. “Go, shoo, get me these supplies from the house, go on now.” 

The old man laughs and whispers to Prince Kaiser, only it is loud enough for Ness to hear as well. “My young girl right here is a candidate for them royal prince soulmate thing. I’m so proud of her- ahh if only she weren’t so against getting a soulmate…” 

“What did I just say?!” 

‘“But I was just telling them how beautiful you were sweetheart!” 

“Just go away!” 

The man eventually disappeared in the crowd, and Ruby grumbled to herself loudly. “Lousy old man… I am so sorry about that, we are not usually this unprofessional.” She scratches her head. 

This girl does not want a soulmate…, Ness thinks. To not want to be a royal soulmate is not completely out of the question, as he has heard that sentiment thrown around every so often. But to not want a soulmate altogether…

“Is there anything you would like?” 

Prince Kaiser does not hesitate. He takes out a folded-up piece of paper and places it on the table. “I would like these items.” 

Ruby opens the paper. Her face frowns at one of them. “I’m sorry, we don’t have the second item for sa-” 

“I saw it in the pamphlet.” 

Ruby stops, and her eyes grow suddenly wide at those words. Realization washes over her face. 

Prince Kaiser asks, “So it is an item for sale, isn’t it?” 

She stammers and chuckles nervously. “Ah, yes, yes of course, that is completely my mistake, I’ll get that right for you sir.” She disappears behind the flap of the stall briefly and comes with two bags and a soul mark device

“Now… show me your soul marks please.” 

Ness silently grits his teeth as the device passes over his hand. Normally monster sludge can not shapeshift into a soul mark, and even if it tries, the device catches the attempt easily. However, if one already has a soul mark beneath the sludge in the strength molding spell like one the Prince used, the device picks up on the real soul mark through it. Therefore, if layered correctly, it appears as though the device is approving the fake soul mark instead.

Her device dings and blinks. Ness rubs his palm. 

Then it is Prince Kaiser’s turn. To Ness’s surprise, he holds out his hand as usual, despite how clearly bare it is. And similarly, Ruby passes the device over. It does not even register, as there is no flash of blue, but it does make a ding sound nonetheless. 

Ness watches her eyes carefully. She appears completely different from before, as if the whole matter does not faze her in the slightest. She ignores the clear lack of successful scan and puts the device away. 

She hands the bags over, along with the piece of paper. 

“Have a nice day, you two.” 

Kaiser takes the bags without so much as a response and motions for Ness to grab the paper. 

Ruby waves them off, but her lips are pressed together, and she has a melachonlic look on her face. 

Her expression stays tense even as Ness watches her stall disappear among the lanes. For some reason, he feels a kind of relief.  

Ness looks down at the piece of paper with the list of items. Does the Prince already trust me that much?, he wonders, knowing full well that he is getting highly secretive information from the Prince. Secret enough for even the guards to not be able to follow them. Ness opens the paper up, only to find the second item is already scribbled out furiously with ink. The first item is a bottle of monster sludge. Disappointment rises up in his thoughts, but he shakes it away. Why was he even surprised? Keeping his face as neutral as it can be, he instead goes to stick by Prince Kaiser’s shoulder, and peer over. Maybe then he can find- 

“Trying to take a peek?” 

His heart stops for all of one second until the Prince bursts out laughing. “It’s a joke, seriously…that face is hilarious,” he says through giggles, still low and soft so hardly anyone can hear them. The crowd presses in as they go deeper in the marketplace. The Prince’s laugh is one that shakes deeply across the chest and rings out like magic. Ness watches in awe. He doesn’t think he has seen the Prince properly laugh this… openly before. 

Maybe it’s because to everyone else besides me, he is not the Prince right now. 

In fact, from both the looks and behavior, even Ness can hardly recognize him. He questions if this is even the Prince had always known at all. 

Kaiser stops, and Ness blinks. Before he has realized it, they are no longer in the marketplace, but somewhere down the bustling entertainment street of the town. And out of the countless buildings placed along, the one they are in front of is a theater. A huge sign is plastered in the front, exclaiming an exclusive play performing for a limited time. 

Several people rush past them into the theater. A particular mother and child scurry by, and bumps into Ness. “Oh, excuse me-” she says, quickly, before continuing to rush forward. She ushers her child along. “Come on now, we can’t be late…” Her words disappear with their footsteps. 

Ness looks back at Prince Kaiser. He had been sure that the Prince only needed to buy from the marketplace. A theater.. What would he need from here? He hesitates, but asks. “My Prince, excuse my rudeness, but why are we here?” 

The Prince stares at the theater and gives Ness a playful smile, coated in a thin layer of mischief. He places a hand on Ness’s head.

“People like us can have fun every now and then, can we not?”

[saph-writes]

Making steady progress 👍

[saph-writes]

It'll Be My Reality

ao3 link:

Summary: Reo wakes up the morning after the break-up and feels like his world is completely torn apart.

Words: 10042

When Reo woke up, he laid in his bed for a while. 

Dimly lit daylight shone inside his bedroom, painting itself along the white walls and floors still perfectly polished from the maid's work. A clear ticking echoed across the silence, perhaps coming from the clock that was held up over his door, or his alarm that must've blared at least 40 times now. Thankfully, Mom and Dad are never home in the morning. 

He laid and blinked slowly up at the ceiling. Unlike everything else in the penthouse, it wasn't smooth or polished. There was a rough texture, grooves that dotted it up and down, the type you would see in a typical cheap apartment. He knew because those were the exact ones he saw in Nagi's. 

Reo still had on his clothes from the previous day. He'd taken off the jacket of his school uniform, but the collared white shirt and vest were still on. As for his tie, maybe it’s still laid somewhere around on the floor. 

He blinked several times. His eyes barely held open. They stung with something in them, and felt thick and odd on his face. In fact, his entire face felt blotchy. Thick and creased like glue was stuck on, making everything hard to move. Several times, hair stuck to his face and mouth, and he saw the purple strands stand up and curl outwards. Some got into his mouth so he tasted the thin strings and felt its texture clearly. 

An ache settled and washed all around him when he shifted over. He’d only turned to look at the window. The view looked pathetic. 

A blaring sound rang again, and continued for a minute, then two, then three, before dying down completely. For some reason, it still couldn't overshadow the stubborn ticking plaguing the room. 

Reo closed his eyes. He pushed in his cheek against the soft fluffy pillows beneath him, those that were littered with fresh wet patches and stains and colored in white. When he opened his eyes slightly, he saw the white fabric up close, all of its woven material that stayed clearly visible. 

Nagi's hoodie was that color. It even had the same softness. 

His eyes closed again. It felt so familiar, like perhaps reality took that memory from 4 years ago and planted him right in it. When Nagi carried him home, and he fell asleep right on Nagi's shoulder.

He remembered the shock and surprise he felt when Nagi had offered, and the unusual determination that was present in his eyes. Those eyes that were always dull and bored and gray shone with color that day. He shined so brightly with the sun right behind him that it almost blinded Reo, but for some reason, he couldn't look away. The sun now shone in his room with nothing of those same colors. 

Nagi shined differently. So bright and vivid that Reo wanted to reach out and feel it for himself, to breathe in those rays as if they were breaths of coloful life entering a normally black and white canvas. 

And he still felt that urge, even now, but lying in his bed, he couldn’t help but feel the bitterness that underlied that feeling. Because without wanting to, he found himself wondering, in place of it, how Nagi felt after everything. After last night. Maybe then, he could understand it, instead of feeling this pain deep inside his chest.

Reo shut the memory away, and locked it behind the steady rising of his chest. 

A door opened. Another maid or butler to offer him breakfast. Or maybe lunch, judging by how much his alarm had rung up to this point. He didn't even know what day it was. It could be that school had already started. Not that it mattered. He didn't think he could get up even if he wanted to. 

"Master Reo." Ba-ya. 

Reo didn't respond. He just shifted some more, to where he could find a dry spot on the pillow. Then he opened his eyes, and stared at the window. It made a reflection of the door behind him, where Ba-Ya stood with a cart and a single plate of food and a cup on top. 

She had one hand on the cart and another holding a phone. Reo didn't need to see it clearly in focus to know it was his. He could immediately recognize the purple and white phone case. "A call is waiting for you," Ba-ya said. 

Reo didn't make an effort to move, but he didn't need to. Ba-ya walked up to his bed and held out the phone near him. Reo could hear the static coming from the speaker. 

"Reo?" the static said. The voice was just a bit higher than Nagi's, and more clearly defined. Like that of a princess. It was Chigiri.  

His body was so tired, it didn't feel like moving. Much less for a phone with a call that wasn't coming from Nagi. "Reo, are you there?" Ba-ya's arm didn't budge as she still held out the phone, waiting for him to grab it. Thankfully, she didn't say anything else. 

Reo laid in his bed, then ignored his tired aching body to reach out for the call. His fingers were stiff as they wrapped around the case, the purple and white case, and he could've sworn he became half-deaf when he placed it near his ear, where everything sounded murky and slow. "Hey," he said. His voice was low and tough, tired and achy, sounding so foreign in his ears. 

"Reo! We've been calling you for hours- Bachira was ready to run over and bust down your front door. We, uh.. we heard what happened..." Chigiri trailed off.

Reo blinked slowly, and moved around the bitter saliva in his mouth. "Was Nagi the one who told you?" 

"No. He didn't. He came here to school without you, but when we asked, he didn't tell us anything. We asked Ba-ya what happened, and she just said you were still sleeping so we connected the pieces from there... how are you handling it?"

"... how do you think I'm fucking handling it." His words came out hostile and harsh, but his voice hiccupped at the very end and he had to bite his lip hard to keep it under control. His vision started to become blurry and wet, and when he looked back at the reflection in the large window, Ba-ya was already gone. The breakfast cart was rolled over near his bed. 

Nagi still went to school. Of course he did, of course he wasn't a mess in bed, staying up far later than he could. He wasn't lying down and tired and achy and crying uncontrollably. He probably shrugged half-heartedly like always when Chigiri and the others asked. Like those years and words didn't matter at all. 

Reo could punch him for that. But he couldn't, because he would probably fall to the ground before he did, angry and hurt. 

"Hey... do you want to talk about it?" 

"No. He just... is he distraught at all? Upset?" 

"Not really. He fell asleep during 1st, and got in trouble again." 

"That fucking bastard."

He bit his lip, and was surprised to taste something salty on it. Thick tears were dropping slowly on his cheeks, and made a plop as they hit the sheets. But his breathing was still calm, and he kept his voice steady. As if he was doing so in retaliation. 

Footsteps came and passed by the door. Shuffling of feet in the outside world, surely all ready to begin working, if they weren't already. Reo flipped over to the other side to face away from the window, and look towards the rest of the room. His eyes shifted up to the clock. 1:30. It felt like 5. 

"Reo, get up, I'm going to pick you up." He didn't want to. The bed was warm, the sheets fluffy, the pillow white and familiar and dry. He was wrapped in a blanket, one that made him ignore the ache all over him, and his eyes were so tired, ready to close at any moment. Not a single part of him felt like getting up. 

He wondered if this is how Nagi always feels like in the morning.

"Alright."

He hung up. 

Reo savored the silence of the room until it eventually turned against him, and became deafening to hear. The breakfast cart was still near his bed, and a plate of food sat with a cup of orange juice right next to it. Pulling an arm up, he sat up slowly and grasped the fork. He pushed it against the omelet that sat in a bed of lettuce and vegetables and brought the forkful of cooked egg up to his mouth. Then he opened his lips, and put the food in his mouth with as much force as he could while his hand was asleep, and chewed it slowly and carefully. His eyes began to sting. The eggs melted so well on his tongue. 

Reo wanted to laugh, knowing how pathetic it would be if he cried over a plate of eggs. 

He wondered what kind of breakfast Nagi had this morning, and if he cried like this too. If he felt that warmth and crumbled beneath it. If that whiplash was enough to make his reality come in full force, and make him hate it. If he's thought of all this too. Probably not, and yet a stupid part of him wished that he did, so that maybe he wouldn't be eating alone, feeling alone. As if that kind of connection would've descended space and time to bring them together once again. 

But he knew it didn't, because if it did, then maybe Nagi wouldn't have broken up with him. 

~

It didn't occur to Reo until after he went outside that none of them had a driving license just yet, much less a car. So he shouldn't have been surprised to see a familiar truck waiting outside, and a face of stubble, with purple and yellow-green eyes, sticking out of the driver's seat. The back seat window was slightly tinted, and only the outline of a head of long hair was visible inside. Probably Chigiri. There were two other heads behind his, but their silhouettes were too dark to properly see. 

Reo got in the front passenger seat and without much talking other than a "seatbelt?" "yeah," they began driving off. In typical Aiku fashion, there was music blasting on the radio, an unfamiliar band with an electronic and upbeat vibe. It filled up the silence and while Reo could only stare at the trees and buildings they were passing by, he saw in the mirror's reflection Bachira swinging his head to the beat. 

He was leaning against Isagi's shoulder, who held out his phone in front of him, rapidly moving his fingers along it. Sometimes, Bachira would go still for a moment to look out the window at something passing by, obscuring Isagi's view of his phone. But Isagi would just move above his head and place his arms on Bachira's hair, his chin resting on the brown and yellow strands with a subtle, yet affectionate smile, before continuing with what he was doing. Chigiri caught Reo's eyes, and Reo glanced away. 

In the corner, Aiku wasn't paying him much attention. He was humming along to the radio’s song, to the drowned-out lyrics playing out. His fingers tapped on the wheel and occasionally, to the beat, his head bopped side to side. Reo looked at his phone screen; it was already 3:00 pm. 

He didn't bother asking about school, knowing he's missed the entire day already. That would put a hole in his perfect attendance record, but Reo couldn't find it in himself to worry about that. Not when his mind was so foggy, he found himself questioning if these past two days have all just been a dream.

Like his mind could come up with something so horrible. 

And yet, the trees zipped by the windows as usual, and the vrooms of vehicles speeding by became a melody by which life played on. A murky blue, the sky had dots of clouds, blobs of dark black floating in the air, and strokes of green flying with the wind. They all busied the outskirts of a bustling life-filled city, where time kept going like it was just another normal day. Reo took the sight and tried to breathe it in. 

Just as he felt himself relaxing at its rhythm, his phone began ringing. 

A loud, high-pitched ring that hummed the default phone call tune. He could've sworn he didn't put the sound that loud, so loud it went over the radio music and shook the entire car. 

Biting his lip, Reo tightened his hold on the case. It seemed that everyone was trying to ignore the ringing. Aiku was still looking at the road, but he was no longer humming or swaying his head, and Chigiri was too busy with his eyes on the window, but they were so fixed and forced that it became painfully obvious, while Isagi had stopped texting and had put the phone on his lap to view the window with the same look. Only Bachira had the decency to stare directly at him and the vibrating phone, and ask "are you gonna answer that?" before getting jabbed in the stomach by Isagi's elbow.  

But that question was enough to make Reo move and turn over the screen. And look at the caller. 

Without hesitation, he swiped it away and went back to looking out the window. He didn't realize how hard he was biting his lip until there was a taste of something metallic and coppery in his mouth. The car stayed painfully silent. 

After passing a few more streets, Chigiri, Bachira, and Isagi were all dropped off. Aiku waved at them with a toothy grin while Reo stared out his window, eyeing the hand Bachira was holding Isagi’s with, tugging and pulling him forward. He barely noticed Chigiri come right up to his window, a few feet out. 

“We’ll catch up to you guys, we’re just making a pit stop. It shouldn’t take too long.”

Reo didn’t say anything. He trusted his eyes to say okay for him and luckily, it seemed it had worked because Chigiri turned away and walked off with the other two. The window rolled back down, and they began moving again. This time, no radio was playing. 

Gripping the phone, Reo was able to shift his eyes away from the window and look all around him. Aiku’s car on the surface looked like a mess, with bags, cables, and papers thrown around everywhere, but somehow it maintained a sort of structure. The papers were all collected on the side pockets of doors, the bags inside had their items perfectly arranged so they wouldn’t fall over, and empty bottles and chip bags were collected neatly in the corner, some with bags, others without. 

It still was a mess to look at, but the more he did, the more he was able to appreciate it. It looked like it had been used many times over. 

Reo turned to Aiku. “How long have you had this car?” he asked quietly. 

“3 years. But before that, it was my dad’s. He handed it off to me on my 17th birthday, though I hadn’t even learned to drive yet.” He laughed. “He died not too long after, and this is now my most prized possession.” 

Reo shifted and looked back down on the floor. He almost wanted to apologize for making him bring that up, but stopped himself before he could. Despite how heavy his words were, Aiku kept his expression perfectly calm and content. It was as if it were any other normal conversation. Maybe to him, it was. 

Still, Reo paused and watched the trinket hanging by the front mirror click together with every second that went by, the word “prized possession” echoing in his mind as if it were a forgotten memory. A relic of the past.

“We’re almost there,” Aiku said. 

Reo rested his head against the seatbelt strap. “I don’t want to go.” 

“You don’t even know where we’re going.” 

“Doesn’t matter. I don’t want to go.” 

“Just give it a try.” 

“I can’t.” 

“And why is that?” 

“I can’t do it.”

“Do what?”  

No matter how hard he tried, Reo couldn’t say it. He shattered so easily, it was almost laughable. To think Nagi had that kind of power over him. But to be honest, he always kind of knew. It just hurted to say it out loud. “Dunno,” he settled for. At least then, his throat couldn’t clog up and render him silent. 

“Give it a try, and you’ll see. This pain you’re feeling will settle over eventually. You just have to let yourself try a little.” 

Reo didn’t know if he wanted to.

He went back to stare out the window, and yet it seemed nothing from outside was being registered in. Like his head was blocking everything out so it could be left with nothing inside. Just static playing, over and over. 

He bit his tongue and lip and hated how metallic it felt now. He hated it all so much. He hated how his fingers still rubbed itself on his phone case, tracing out the outline he had memorized a thousand times before. He hated how the lump in his throat didn’t seem to go down no matter how much he swallowed, how his eyes felt so tired, but nothing was left in them. He hated how his eyes and heart still skipped beat when a head of white hair passed by outside, only to disappear again like it was never there at all, and how a bitter taste in his mouth rose at its disappointment. 

Defeated, all he could do now was rest his head against the seat, let his hair fall on his face, and hope that would be enough to cover the broken mess behind it. 

All the while, Aiku still hummed a joyful tune beside him. 

~

“We made it.” 

Reo reluctantly peered out the window. The truck halted to a stop in front of blinking lights and bustling crowds and buildings towering around them. Aiku was somehow able to find an empty spot amongst the chaos, where two faces stood waiting for them. 

The sight made Reo already want to roll his eyes to the back of his head. 

“Alright,” Aiku said, settling the car into park. His keys dangled and clinked together so Reo decided to focus on that rather than making eye contact. “Whether you like it or not, you’re not staying in my car. Go out there, have fun a little.” 

When he saw that Reo wasn’t budging, he lowered his voice to a mellow hum. “Between you and me, even I have some of these moments. When a girl dumps me-”

Reo suddenly opened the door.  

Out of the two, Chigiri was the first to catch his eye and come over. Kunigami was still tapping his phone, but he hurriedly put it away and followed suit. It seems they had to manuever the crowds to get to this spot because just before they split away, Reo saw a split second interlock of their hands. 

Reo still wanted to die, but only slightly less. 

“Thanks Aiku!” Chigiri said. Aiku nodded and waved them off. 

“No problem,” he said. Then he looked directly at Reo from the three. 

“And hey, don’t make this a habit, kiddo. School is important.“ 

“Aren’t you 2 years older than us-?” Chigiri said. 

“Like I said, you kids take care.” He drove away, leaving only the chatter and huddling of people on the busy street to surround them entirely. Having shone the entire day, even the sun was getting tired, and was drifting off towards the horizon. As if it was sick of them all and thought it would be better to just leave them alone. Without a care in the world.

“He thinks he’s all that because he can drive now…” 

“I’m pretty sure he just got his drivers’ license a month ago too.” 

Chigiri shook his head at Kunigami’s response. “Make that 3 weeks. Anyways, are we gonna get going?” Judging by the way his voice dropped in abrasiveness, the question was targeted at Reo. 

Reo didn’t say anything at first, and considered simply leaving them all together to wallow in his own self-pity. But the more he thought about Nagi enjoying himself without Reo around made him even more bitter than he already was. Because how unfair is it that he is the only one in despair? If anything, Reo is the one with a better support system than him. He has friends there to enjoy himself with. Nagi is the one lonely without him there. He’d be proving to him just what he’s missing out on. 

Determination flared up in Reo’s heart and he brushed past both Chigiri and Kunigami. “Let’s go.”

“Hell yeah.” 

“That’s the spirit.” 

Turns out the place they had arrived at was an arcade, and a large one at that. Noises of games beeping in victory and defeat and the reactionary whines of the players, along with the sounds of everything else chattering and yelling, followed them as they made their way through the machines. Kunigami nearly had to yell to get them to hear him. 

“The second floor is normally quieter, let’s go there.” 

The second floor had mostly tactile games. Many had a wheel attached while others required dancing or moving on a platform or pressing directly on the screen. Sure enough, while it was still a massive floor, it was less deafening than before. 

Chigiri looked around. “Isagi and Bachira said they would be around here, but didn’t specify the floor. I’ll just tell them we’re waiting for them here.” 

“Sounds good,” Kunigami said. 

While Chigiri texted, Reo looked around the floor. Some games were for prizes, but others were more competitive. They required 2 or more people to play. Reo tried not to stare at the people playing together, laughing and shoving one another in glee. 

“Hey Reo, are you going to buy some coins?”

By the entrance, Kunigami stood next to a machine with slots to enter money in. Reo briefly remembered his wallet inside his schoolbag, the one he left back home. 

“Oh, I didn’t bring anything with me..”

“Then here, I’ll buy some for you.” Reo was about to protest, but Kunigami was already putting some in. He gave zero hesitation , Reo thought. A bitter taste rose to his tongue and he mentally kicked himself hundred times over. Pity was the last thing he wanted.

If Chigiri or someone else was the one delivering the favor, Reo would’ve spoken out immediately. But, even in his fatigued and emotional state, he recognized that Kunigami wasn’t someone he particularly knew well, only that he was close to Chigiri. It wouldn’t be fair to assume this act was out of pity if he barely knew what he was like.

Reo peered at the bills stacked in Kunigami’s wallet. “You have a job, Kunigami right?” Out of what he remembered being told about him, that was the first to pop into his head.

“I do. I had a shift today, so I don’t mind spending a little for this.” There was an unspoken don’t worry in his words, soft as if coming from an older brother. He must have siblings , Reo thought to himself.

But wait, if today was a school day and it is around 4 right now, how did Kunigami have a shift? School ended not too long ago…

The machine sputtered and the clacking of coins halted any questions Reo might’ve asked. Kunigami collected them into two cups and handed one over to Reo. Although a large guy, he was a lot softer than he originally thought. Even if a part of this attitude was from pity…

“No response, whatever, they’re on their own now.” Chigiri put away his phone and was walking towards them. He shrugged his coat off and noticed the cups in Kunigami and Reo’s hand. “Where’s my coins?” 

“You didn’t want any, remember?” Kunigami said. 

“Who said that?” 

“You did?!” 

“Oh. Well, actually there’s a few games I want to try.. We’ll just use yours then.” 

“Eh?”

Chigiri looked around and spotted a certain section. He motioned them to come along. Kunigami muttered something but trailed after him anyways. Surprisingly he didn’t object to Chigiri using his coins. 

Chigiri was the one who brought him here, right? Reo started to put the pieces together in his head, but realized halfway through he was too tired to deal with this. He followed suit after them. 

The section they went towards had more games than he can count, but for some reason, Chigiri was breezing through most of them, occasionally stopping to consider one before continuing on anyways. He looked back at a few points at Reo, as if checking to make sure he was still there. 

“Didn’t you say you had one in mind?” Kunigami said. 

“I said I had a few and now I'm choosing which one.” 

“Does it matter either way?” 

“No, not really.” 

Kunigami looked around and nodded his head towards a game with a platform for dancing. Music blasted the loudest from the machine and there was already a small line formed behind it.  

“Okay then how about that one?” 

Chigiri pursued his lips but shook his head. “No, too many people waiting for it.”

Kunigami looked around again. “How about the one over there, there’s no one waiting for it.” 

“No, my sister plays that one and it takes forever.”

“How about this one?” 

“Too violent.” 

Chigiri and Kunigami’s words slowly dropped to a whisper. 

Their conversation quickly becomes blanketed by the endlessly rowdy people rushing past them. Reo finds himself tuning the two out in favor of the white noise. He didn’t know so much liveliness could come from the arcade games Nagi enjoyed so much. The way it connected people and their flourishing laughs that even the dark-lit room felt kissed by the sunlight. Even as much as-

Reo shook his head. Quickly realizing the thoughts he had let himself indulge in, he forced the unwanted feelings down, averting his eyes from everywhere until they were nowhere at all. It was better for his mind and vision to shrink into nothing than to be plagued by the emotions in his heart. 

Even so, anger can not help but bubble up into his chest. He hated the way it all felt so juvenile and yet all-encompassing. 

He played these games so much that he joked they were more important to him than Reo. For all the time that passed, what would Reo do with himself if that turned out to be true? 

“And this?” 

“Too tactile. And I’m bad at it.” 

Reo snapped back to Chigiri and Kunigami.

“No, not that one either.” 

“And what’s the reason this time?”  

“I’m just not feeling that one.”

“Dude…” 

Chigiri laughed and nudged Kunigami slightly. There was a sort of friendly touchyness between them that suddenly became very clear, travelling through the air as the brush of their hands passed as a shadow on Reo’s. A gone-past warmness belonging to a distant memory. At least, it felt that way. 

Reo put his hands in his pockets. His eyes shifted to the floor and just as he was about to scold himself once more, his name was called out from beside him. Chigiri, suddenly all smiles, held out his phone while behind him, Kunigami was putting coins into a machine. “Reo, do you mind holding this?” 

He couldn’t even get an answer out before Chigiri rushed back over. Distant giggling could be heard, and whether it was from the scene in front of him or from a bygone memory, Reo wasn’t sure. But what he did know was that it felt all too far away. 

He took a deep breath. He blinked something away. He ruffled his hair. He shook his head and pressed his hand hard against it. As if trying to claw out the sound, the sight, the voice, his voice. 

The attempt came with little success, and anger rumbled slowly in his chest. But just as he tried breathing one more time, and to build it all up again, his hand vibrated. The phone Chigiri had given him lit up. He looked down on split-second instinct, and saw that behind the notification blinking slowly, two faces shone on the screen. 

Two shining beaming faces. A picture living in a time they believed would last forever. 

Reo stared at the picture and the more he stared, the more his mind raced, the more the ceiling and walls closed into a ball eerily similar to that of a specific night and the more it lingered, pressing against his skin but also falling apart before him, the more his chest hurted until he could hardly breathe. Racing to try to numb itself before everything could slip faster than he could grab it, his mind beat loudly and he could hardly see, hardly hear, hardly feel anything at all. 

The phone stinged his hand, and feeling it burn leaving ashes, he somehow found Chigiri in the midst and placed it somewhere he could see it. 

“Re-?”

“Sorry, I..I just have to.. I- bathroom..”

He darted away before his mouth could betray him more. Distantly he heard his name called but it only drowned under the yelling of everything else. Of the people pressing so close beside him, his chest had no room, and the lights blinding every step until the floor deserted him all entirely. There was shaking and blurriness everywhere, in everything, in all that he heard. 

Since when has the world felt so dizzying, so suffocating, and yet so painfully far? 

At some point, Reo felt his feet move again. The shouting subsided. There were no longer swarms of people but empty machine slots keeping him company. Not a single soul was around from where he stood, finally alone and barely held together at the seams. His breath finally came into his lungs and a wave of exhaustion washed over him. 

He leaned against one of the machines. He breathed slowly while his chest still hurted. 

There was no calmness. Just the absence of chaos. 

Because thoughts were too heavy to pass through, only disordered feelings crept its way in. It flared up at everything he saw or heard. Nostalgia at the broken arcade machines. Relief at the silence plaguing the air. Anger at the happy blinking lights. Aching from… what was he aching from?

The sudden coherent thought dimmed his anger’s flickering flares. Leaving as suddenly as it came, the silence tinged with distant, distant noise. Filled with talking and laughter and oblivousness, all that he purposely ran away from because deserved happiness is a fickle thing. 

Ah… that’s right, isn’t it? Despite what he told himself, he didn’t believe he deseserved to enjoy himself, even now. Here he was, still the only one wallowing in self-pity. Not Nagi. Not Chigiri or Kunigami or the rest of the world, they don’t just all stop for him to catch up. No matter what, they continue to run forward, forever to an enternal destination. No one looks back because they trust that whoever's running along is living for that journey, keeping up because they have the strength to. 

As for Reo, well…he didn’t know if he could. If his legs could take him that far. 

Or if he deserved it at all. 

Waiting for the hurt in his chest to swallow him completely, he stared desperately at his shoes. Prepared to wait and wait for forever.  

But just before the seams could come loose, footsteps came into the lane close by. They were heavy, but gentle. The steps stopped a few feet away, then treaded forward as if coming towards a small animal. A pattern so distinct even though he has only felt it once before. 

The figure eventually reached him, and stopped by him quietly. Reo didn’t know whether he should feel grateful for the silence until the person leaned back right beside him, against the machine, and held out a napkin. The type that a restaurant or maybe cafe normally had. 

Reo looked at the napkin Kunigami offered him, and while he hesitated, he gave into defeat anyway. He wiped the napkin against his eyes. Still feeling a dull ache everywhere, he thought, and eventually said, “You work at a cafe, don’t you?”

“...How did you-?”

“But Chigiri was the one to pull you away and ask for help. You don’t just ditch your shift for anyone, I’m not an idiot, I can connect the pieces.” He stopped, and bit his lip to stop from crumbling again. A bitter laugh came out instead. 

Kunigami didn’t say anything for a long time. Reo continued watching the lights from the machine glimmer and blink on the floor. From the closed and deserted machines. “I couldn’t stand it… being forced to watch. Knowing…” 

Kunigami stayed silent. 

“It still hurts too much,” Reo finally said. 

“...You don’t have to be alone, you know.” 

For the first time, Reo looked up from the ground. Kunigami held a considerate, but determined look on his face. 

“It’s easier when you let yourself be with the people who care about you.” 

Maybe he had said this to someone once before. Maybe that’s why he knew it would be effective, and knew how to say those words so confidently and with conviction. But even so, it felt like a truck had hit Reo hard in his stomach. 

He couldn’t stand to look up anymore, so he threws his eyes down. He thought of everything, and why the world feeling so suffocating made him fall into hopelessness. How it had worsened when he heard the voice of Chigiri in the morning, or the faces of his friends with their attention and care pointed towards him, and how somehow his heart still fell so suddenly when they turned away to their own happiness. Leaving him completely. The idea of people caring enough to be there with him, and the self-worth that required him to accept it. 

Reo finally recognized what the growing pain in his chest was. Loneliness. 

“Haha..that’s kind of pathetic.. Isn’t it?” 

He laughed. If he didn’t, he might’ve started crying again. Not that it worked, because Kunigami handed him the napkin once more. 

Reo held and gripped it tightly in his hands. 

“Hey, Kunigami, do you have any siblings?”

“Yeah. Two sisters, one younger, one older.” 

“I don’t. My parents only had me to be the heir to the corporation. But sometimes, I wonder what it would be like to have one. I think… that if I had an older brother, he would’ve been something like you.” 

Kunigami smiled. “Hey, I’m not the only one helping. The rest of us are here too.” 

“Ha, Chigiri has always been bad at this emotional stuff. Knowing him, that’s probably why he asked you for help. That, and you guys are almost as bad as Bachira and Isagi.” Reo smiled slightly at the tinge of pink on Kunigami’s face. 

“But still… I’m grateful you all came.” 

“You should tell that to Chigiri. He was the one who arranged this.”

“Haha, you’re right.” 

The people who care about you..

Kunigami stood up straight from leaning against the machine, and looked at Reo. “Are you ready to go back?” 

“Yeah… Yeah, I am.” 

As they walked back into the bustling crowds of the still slightly-less full floor, Reo looked up at the ceiling. At the smooth tiles covering up the sky behind it, where perhaps the sun was still taking its sweet time down. Maybe the reason the world looked so hopeless was because he wasn’t looking at the right places. 

All that he had thought about for the past day was of… that night. In some ways, when it happened, a piece of him was stolen away. The piece of him that saw the light and color in the sky was gone, and he felt like he’d lost it forever. 

But what if he hasn’t? 

What if he could rebuild it, all over again, now with more than two pairs of hands? Would that make it stronger? Could he even grow it into something more than it was before? 

Was that even possible? 

They all believed so. Chigiri, Kunigami, even Bachira and Isagi who cared enough to tag along when he knew today specifically was their date night. Or Aiku, who definitely had a college class right around now but still drove them here. Or even Ba-ya, who took the time to find his phone because Reo knew he didn’t bother bringing it back with him. 

Even without ‘him’, he wasn’t alone. And that in itself was more reassuring than Reo ever thought it could be. 

Maybe he could run forward with this fast-paced world after all. 

While Kunigami was looking down at his phone, Reo looked around at the games. He thought of which he wanted to play, which one he could kick Chigiri’s or Bachira’s ass with. Maybe he should call Ba-ya to grab his schoolbag for him too, since that would be better than depending on Kunigami’s wallet. He wondered at what time the arcade closed. How many hours they had left to enjoy themselves. How long he had to make up for everything.

Reo looked around, and suddenly heard Chigiri’s voice from around the corner. It was loud, so maybe he had found Bachira or Isagi and had already started on a machine. That impatient jerk. 

Reo smiled and quickly walked forward in front of Kunigami. And sure enough, a reddish-pink head of hair could be spotten in the corner, making a commotion with someone else. 

“Hey-”

 “-at some stupid game?! Is that what you think??”

“Guys, we really shouldn’t-”

“For real, I don’t know how you-”

Bachira stopped. Out of them all, he was the first to catch Reo’s gaze. His eyes went wide. Realization clearly settled on his face. He elbowed Isagi and moved towards the others. To grab their attention. 

But Chigiri hardly noticed. He opened his mouth to say something once more, but stopped in his tracks. Confusion washed over his expression, until he turned, and a similar look of realization took its place. 

Because the person he was yelling at, with a messy white head of hair and an oversized similarly white hoodie, tired half-closed eyes that looked like he didn’t have a care in the world, stopped. 

And stared straight back. 

Time stopped, for a short brief period in time, until the next thing Reo knew, he was running as hard as he could. 

~

“Reo, wait!”

Fuck, Kunigami thought. Of course Nagi would be here, why did he not think of that he suggested this place? 

Kunigami ran forward, but was yanked back by a strong arm. 

Reo disappeared beyond the lanes, running far into the crowds that were somehow getting larger. Kunigami grit his teeth, and looked down to see Chigiri gripping his arm. His eyes were fuming, staring daggers ready to kill at a second’s notice. 

“Hey!” Behind him, Isagi moved towards them. “Why aren’t we going after him? Kunigami?”

“Is he already gone??” Bachira came up from behind. 

Kunigami looked up, and saw a brief glance of Nagi running off as well . He looked back down at Chigiri, who tightened his grip. 

“Look, I know what we said but.. He’ll just make it worse,” Chigiri whispered. Kunigami smiled at the hand he was holding his arm with. Despite feeling that way, he still made an effort to stop him when Kunigami had almost ran after Reo on impulse. 

“They need to talk,” Kunigami said softly. Chigiri loosened his hand, but frustration still flared on his expression.

Kunigami looked back up at Bachira and Isagi. “What happened with you guys?” 

“We came down here after searching the first floor,” Isagi said. “And we found Nagi. We were gonna go straight over to you guys, since figured we shouldn’t make a scene. But then Chigiri found us, and well…”

“What were you three doing?” Bachira asked. 

Kunigami hesitated. “Reo was still feeling down, so we tried to help him a bit… Sorry I didn’t realize Nagi would be here-” 

“Don’t be,” Chigiri interjected. “He shouldn’t have been here at all.” 

Chigiri glanced over at Isagi. “Isagi, let’s say that you broke up with Bachira.” 

Isagi blinked. “Huh, but I wouldn’t-” 

“It’s a hypothetical . Let’s say you broke up with him and gave the vaguest reason eve. Bachira, how would you feel?” 

“Like my world had just collapsed.” 

“Bachira…” Isagi said.

“And how would you feel if, let’s say, you saw him the next day, enjoying himself like nothing had ever happened?”

“I’d questioned the entire meaning of our relationship.” Bachira responded matter-of-factly. “But Isagi wouldn’t do that.” He looked beside him and smiled, where Isagi looked like he was going to melt to the floor. 

“Exactly, because you two are the most cavity-inducing couple in the world. But Nagi thinks it’s nothing whatsoever, and happily going about his day, do you see where the problem is? It’s like he doesn’t even care at all, and thinks Reo shouldn’t care.”

Kunigami thought about it for a minute. “But wouldn’t that also be the case vice versa right now, since Nagi saw Reo hanging out with us?” 

“That’s different . We had to drag him out, that part’s immediately understood when you see a heartbroken person with a group of people. Besides, Nagi was the one who broke up with him, not the other way around.” Chigiri looked back at the direction Nagi ran off to. 

“I just wish that dumbass had a bit more emotional awareness.” 

“Hmm…,” Bachira said. “To be honest, I don’t think Nagi’s as indifferent about this as you think he is.” 

“What do you mean?” Isagi asked. 

“Well, when he was at school, he didn’t look exactly happy either, did he….?” 

Isagi scratched his head. “Huh… now that you mention it.”

Kunigami looked down at Chigiri’s hand that was on his arm. He settled his on top. He didn’t move it. Chigiri didn’t either. 

~

I’m so fucking stupid. 

Reo slowed down when he got out of the arcade, but still speed-walk his way through. Somehow, the streets were even more crowded than before, if that was even possible. He pushed and shoved several down, most of which snappd back at him with remarks he was too far away to hear. 

They probably think he’s an entitled brat or something, who thinks the entire street belongs to him. They’re not entirely wrong; Reo couldn’t be bothered to think of others right now, or of anything else other than his own beating heart ravaging inside his chest. 

Because of course , he would fucking be there. The anger at being right was so sour he wanted to throw up. Tear it out of his throat so he could see it in all of its disgusting glory. He wanted to yell at himself for it, for getting so much better only to crumble back down worse than before. How pathetic is it that he could run away from his resolve to move forward from simply seeing him again once? 

He wasn’t ready after all– he had just distanced himself from that night enough so that he could delude himself into thinking it was less than it actually was, and seeing that bastard again destroyed that delusion so much faster than he had built it up in the first place. 

He really didn’t think of Reo at all. He really did go out there to enjoy himself without a care in the world. Reo didn’t matter to him. How many people has Reo thought cared about him when in reality they were lying or playing up an act? If years couldn’t matter to someone, how could he trust that less could? How did he know that Chigiri didn’t just drag him out because he saw the opportunity to see his little crush? How did he know Kunigami didn’t just say everything he did because Reo was bringing down the mood, and wanted to have fun despite him? Maybe Bachira and Isagi were dragged over too, against their will, maybe he destroyed their date night, maybe Aiku really didn’t want to drive him, maybe Ba-ya only found his phone because his parents told her to. Maybe nothing anyone has ever done for him has been for him after all, but for everything despite it. Because no matter what, Reo was going to be right here, aching and hurting while dragging them all down with him.

Reo pushed his way through as if trying to escape himself, from the self-hatred digging itself in at a rate he couldn’t stop. From the suffocation that was killing him. He was running away, and yet, Reo, with all his might, desperately wished something would find him at the end of this path. 

So when Reo opened his eyes once more, and slowed his steps to a halt, there was a sick kind of relieved sigh that came out of him. Tears finally flowed out. 

He had arrived to the park. Their park. 

The first place he truly felt loved...

Reo slouched on the bench. The sun rippled itself way through the sky, and a rigid cold breeze shuffled across. It brushed against his bare arms and face in warm embraces as the tears flowed through. Like a mother comforting a child as she held him in her arms.  

It was such a foreign feeling that Reo couldn’t help but indulge himself in it, so there he sat, wanting to feel it for as long as he could. 

He wanted to breathe in that embrace, and feel it in his heart. 

Reo didn’t know long he sat there. Whether it’d been a few minutes or a few hours. However, just as he started to close his eyes, something warm settled across his shoulders. 

Reo blinked, though the dried up tears made it a bit hard to. Had a stranger taken pity on him and gave him a jacket? They shouldn’t really– he had more than enough to buy his own. They would be giving it to someone who didn’t need it. Or deserved it for that matter. 

But just as Reo was going to look up, a head of white hair settled on the space next to him out of the corner of his eye. Reo blinked. That couldn’t be him. But… did he know another tall man with white hair? 

Reo sat in silence. Just a few moments earlier, he had been so angry he wanted to scream. Just a few hours earlier, he’d been thinking of everything he wanted to say to this idiot that he couldn’t earlier, wishing they could talk. But now that he was here, next to him face-to-face, Reo realized he was too tired to say anything at all. 

But as the silence stretched onwards, everything piled on top of each other faster than Reo could make sense of it. Until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

“You aren’t going to say anything?” 

“Do you want me to say something?” Nagi responded. 

That was the first time he’d heard Nagi’s voice since last night. Reo laughs bitterly. Funnily enough, he still had some anger left in him. “Since when have my feelings ever mattered when you did something?” 

He responded so calmly too. Reo was right, and he hated himself for it. He closed his eyes, expecting another lie, a repeat of what Nagi always said when Reo asked those kinds of questions. Like “that’s not true” or “You’re wrong” or something stupid like that. Like he always-

“Is that what you think?” 

Reo stopped. 

It was the quietness in Nagi’s words that made Reo’s thought processes come to a halt. How.. genuine he sounded. When Reo looked up to see Nagi, he had turned his head and was rubbing his neck with his hand. Cogs visibly turned his head. 

“I’m sorry,” Nagi finally said.

He looked back at Reo. Reo stared at him, dumbfounded.  

He wasn’t even sure he heard that correctly. However, Reo quickly regained his dignity and he scoffed at the remark. “You think just that will fix everything? A simple ‘sorry’?”

“What do you mean?” 

Reo swore to god he wanted to knock over the head of this oblivious dumbass. “Do you know how I have felt this entire morning? Did you think about that? Did you consider me at all before you decided to enjoy yourself without a care in the world? The hurt I felt?”

“You came to the arcade too.”

“Only because Chigiri and the rest had to drag me out. I even missed the entire goddamn school day because of you, did you notice that? Do you…” Do you even care at all ? 

Nagi didn’t say anything. Reo, suddenly tired from yelling, held his head down, turned away. He bit his lip. Don’t cry. Reo scorned himself. Don’t let him see you like this. He looked up to dry the tears away, and saw the trail the sun always left at sunset. A staple of the cold weather. 

He stared and couldn't stop himself from whispering one more thing. 

“Did I matter to you Nagi?” He hated how small his voice was, but nothing he could do could stop it. “Can you at least tell me your feelings, after all these years?”

Reo knew he was exposing himself right now. He was letting his hurt and pain show itself more than he could care to admit, and in some ways this was worse than letting Nagi see him cry. 

Nagi didn’t say anything. Reo felt his anguish drop into the pits of stomach, deeper and deeper into an eternal pit. 

In hindsight, it was a stupid question. Reo already knew the answer. So why did he ask it, and why, in the depths of his heart, did he say to himself, over and over, ‘please say yes. Please say yes. ’ 

‘Please tell me I meant something.’

He was setting himself up for disaster, Reo knew, and he became more certain of this fact the longer Nagi sat in silence. But it was the anticipation that tortured Reo as the seconds passed by. Until finally, Reo couldn’t stand it anymore, so he bit the bullet and glanced at Nagi. 

Reo could hardly believe his eyes. Nagi, the careless bored dumbass he’d known for years, who never let himself be flustered or show a tinge of embarrassment, held his head in his hand. He wasn’t even looking at him, his posture was worse than usual, and his ears were bright red. They are probably hot too , Reo thought, and he stopped himself from touching them, to prove to himself that this was real. 

“Yes, you matter to me.” Nagi said. “A lot. More than… More than I can put into words.”

Reo felt his world crumbling, but in a different way than before. He bit his lip and looked away. All that hope was meant to be a lie, a delusion. “...I don’t believe you.”

“Then I’ll keep saying it.” Nagi said, fast and with his head turned up to look at Reo directly. He stared with such conviction, and motivation , Reo wanted to turn away from it. It was too blinding, too caring, Reo didn’t deserve to have all of it directed at him. But at the same time, it was hypnotic, and he couldn’t look away. “I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.” 

Reo felt his hand graze the tips of his, and pulled away. 

His head spun; his heart beated so incredibly loudly in his ears. 

“Why…”

Nagi kept staring at him. 

“When you say it like that… it makes me want to believe you.”

“Then you should.”

“Then tell me why you did it!” Reo finally shouted. “Tell me why you broke up with me last night, said I would be ‘happier’, left me without so much as an explanation, and went to school the next day like nothing fucking happened! 4 years, gone, and without an ounce of remorse!”

Reo wanted to stop, but he couldn’t.

“This entire time, I felt like there was something wrong with me , and that no one could ever love me again. That’s how I felt like. I thought I was destined to be alone forever, so don’t come to me with that shit when you’ve done everything to tell me the opposite.” Reo breathed heavily before deciding he couldn’t handle this anymore. He got up to run, to where he didn’t know. But Nagi grabbed his hand back. 

“Stop let me-!”

“No, I’m not letting you be alone again.” 

Reo stopped. He turned back. Nagi looked at him. 

“I-” He started, but he looked back down again. Then, as if building up his courage, he spoke slowly at first. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. Chigiri- Chigiri told me what happened with you. I thought that I should have left you alone because seeing me after that would only make you feel worse. But Reo… I also have a question for you.” He bit his lip. Reo, for a brief second, saw a glossiness in his eyes. 

“What do you want to do after graduation?” 

Reo blinked. “...huh?” 

He noticed Nagi hadn’t let go of his hand, and he was squeezing it hard. “Are we... still going to be together after?” 

“What do you mean?” 

Nagi breathed out a bit, and Reo realized he’d been holding it in. “I’ve decided which college I’m going to. A far one. You’re probably going to stay, since you’re the heir of your family’s corporation. Unless we decide to go long-distance, none of this-” He squeezed his hand more. “-is going to last. I’m saying, what’s next for both of us after this?”

“Hold on,” Reo said, clearly missing something. “Where is this coming from? You’re going far away for college?” 

Nagi hesitated. “Yeah… I am. And I’ve made up my mind on it.”

“Ha… Is that it?” Reo laughed bitterly. “And you think it would be easier for me if we broke up instead of doing long-distance? Has that been the entire issue?”

“Not just that.” Nagi stepped closer. Reo held his breath, and faster than he could process it, he felt the brush of his lips against his. For a second, then two, then three. Nagi pulled away, his cheeks a rosy pink, maybe from either from the cold or their kiss. 

“I wouldn’t be able to do that.” Nagi said. “And I don’t know how I can last without doing that every time I see you.” 

If Reo wasn’t mad at him, he would have gone up and kissed him back for longer. He thought about what Nagi said, and still felt a bitter taste in his mouth. “We would have worked something out. Why didn’t you just tell me that? You think.. I would have been better off without you?” 

“It was in the heat of the moment, I guess. I couldn’t- stand looking at you and needing to talk about that without crumbling apart. So I decided to rip the bandage off. Also… I didn’t think you’d react in that way.” 

“What did you think, then, bastard? That I wouldn’t react, that I didn’t care about you as much as I showed that I did?” 

Nagi didn’t give an answer. All at once, a sudden realization hit Reo. The feelings of loneliness and self-hatred and self-isolation that he had felt earlier. All of which lasted for a grand total of one day. Has.. Nagi felt that way? How long has he been…? 

Reo took a gulp of air and pulled Nagi forward. Before Nagi could yelp, Reo locked their lips together. Their lip placement was clumsy, so Reo adjusted himself better and deepened the kiss for as long he could. Eventually Reo ran out of breath and he pulled away. Nagi stared back, just as breathless. This time, his cheeks were profusely red. 

“Well I do. You matter to me, Nagi, and when you broke up with me like that, it felt like my world had collapsed. ” 

Reo knew his feelings of loneliness came from the break-up, and although he didn’t know what had caused Nagi’s, he knew exactly what to say. 

“I don’t know what happened, or what made you suddenly think about after graduation, but whatever it is, it’ll be easier when you let yourself be with the people who care about you.” He grabbed Nagi’s hand with his other one, until he was holding it with both of his and bringing it up to his lips. Then he brought it close to his forehead. 

“So please. Don’t let yourself think I’ll be happier without you. Okay?”

Reo felt their hands shaking. He didn’t know if it was from his or Nagi’s, but either way, he only squeezed them harder. As he kept his eyes closed and angled towards the ground, he felt something press against his head. 

“Okay..” 

Nagi squeezed his hands back. 

“Okay. I’m sorry.”

“You already apologize.”

“Then I’ll say it again. Until you can take me back.”

“Stupid… you don’t need to earn me back. I love you enough as it is.”

“...”

“And I’ll keep loving you, Nagi. Until then, we’ll figure it out.”

“I love you…” Nagi echoed quietly. He gave out a shaky breath.

“You’re not unloveable, Reo. I’ve always loved you. And no matter what happens, I’ll love you, I’ll love you, I’ll love you.”  

(I’ll keep saying it until you believe me.)

Until it becomes your reality.

~

“Have we decided yet?”

“I’ve told you, after I finish eating.”

“Aw… but you said you were gonna be nicer to me from now on.” 

“No I didn’t...??”

“You said you’d be all lovey dovey and tell me how much you care about me all the time-”

“Ha, you fucking bastard, you’re putting words in my mouth now.”

“So you don’t?”

“...yes, yes I do care about you Nagi, now let me finish my lunch.” 

“Even after graduation?”

“Yes after graduation, when you’ll move away and I’ll come visit you every other weekend-”

“Every weekend.”

“Nagi, I can’t-”

“You said every weekend though?”

“...Fine, every weekend.”

“You never know Reo, I might get swept off my feet by another man when I’m there.”

“... that wouldn’t happen…”

“No, it wouldn’t. I’ll tell them I already have an amazing, perfect boyfriend. Who's also rich.” 

“Do you really have to add that last part?”

“Yeah.”

“If you just see me for my money, I might have to leave you. Then you won’t have anyone else to feed you during lunch~”

“Aww, but I like it.”

“Then appreciate me a little more, and I might give you some.”

“Can I give you a kiss to make up for it?”

“Nagi, you know you can’t-”

“Get a goddamn room already!” Chigiri yelled from across the table. Reo and Nagi, who’s faces were inches away from each other, hardly reacted. Kunigami laughed from beside him. 

“I think they’re a little too absorbed into their own world. Good thing they’ve made up.”

Chigiri sighed. “Yeah, but that just means I'm surrounded by yet another couple.” He moved his fork around his plate. “Too bad I’m the only one single and lonely… Well, at least I have you Kunigami.” 

“Oh, yeah…”

The two fell silent, and quietly ate their food.

Am I not being obvious enough?? Chigiri thought, surfing through all the hints he knows he’d given so far without a single reciprocation. 

This is hell, but he has no idea… Kunigami thought, turning his head away to hide his own blush. 

On the other end, Bachira and Isagi looked at them. 

“Uh, you know you guys are-?”

“Don’t bother, just let them figure it out.”

[saph-writes]

uhhh

[saph-writes]