sapphicmistlefoe

[sapphicmistlefoe]

some of yall don’t realize that a good chunk of what trans women experience IS androphobia. but we don’t call it “transandrophobia” [trans androphobia] because they are women. we call it transmisogyny [transphobia against transfems]. we all agree on that

so

even though a good chunk of what trans men experience is misogyny, we call it transandrophobia [transandro phobia] [transphobia against transmascs] because we are not women

[sapphicmistlefoe]

some of yall don’t realize that a good chunk of what trans women experience IS androphobia. but we don’t call it “transandrophobia” [trans androphobia] because they are women. we call it transmisogyny [transphobia against transfems]. we all agree on that

so

even though a good chunk of what trans men experience is misogyny, we call it transandrophobia [transandro phobia] [transphobia against transmascs] because we are not women

[sapphicmistlefoe]

grabbing all trans men by the fucking shoulders oh my god. you are allowed to be angry. you SHOULD be angry. you should not have to clarify your words to death, going "i know i dont have it as bad, but-", or put yourself down, "haha yeah, men suck dont we?", you are trans, and you are worthy, and you belong in this fucking community and you deserve to have your voice heard.

trans men get fucking angrier

[sapphicmistlefoe]

A cis woman tells me that maybe she should transition to gain male privilege as I'm recovering from getting beaten up in the men's bathrooms.

I tell her to be my guest and give me a call when she gets her jaw broken, I always carry a first aid kit and a pepper spray.

She calls me a misogynistic asshole.

A cis man tells me that he'd sure love some T.

Gave him my prescription and best of luck with the constant shortages and getting denied.

He calls me a pussy.

I'm fighting for my life and reproductive rights. I get told to get off women's fights, that it's not about me, like I shed my womb after my first T shot.

I search for support groups for SA victims, and I'm stuck in the same “women/NBs only”. Still shooting my shot, send an application. I introduce myself. Never get a call back.

I go to a trans night. Say I go by he/him. Get told back “yeah, that's how we all start !” by a trans woman. I'm too exhausted, I get up and I leave.

I hang out with my friends, one of them drunkenly says masculinity is a prison we must learn to escape. She gets rows of applause. Back to drinking alone.

Yes I could explain it. But who'd you rather be ? A delusional girl or a man made threat ?Or it could be better, I could just not exist ! And we'd bleach my corpse and I'd become a casualty. Not an F, ot an M, a W for Wound and for Wrong.

I put a candle on a single cupcake, 2 years on HRT. I blow it in the dark. Curtains closed like casket.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

if you have "cishet men dni" in your bio i, a trans man, will not touch you with a 10 foot pole. i should not be forced to out myself as a trans man just to interact with you. on top of that, cishet men are not inherently evil. stop trying to reinvent bioessentialism with your "girl good, boy bad!" mentality.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

Misogyny.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

NEED

my beautiful capable strong girlfriend just finished putting our bed back together 🖤

[sapphicmistlefoe]

I think we should talk about how one of the core aspects of transandrophobia is ableism. They do not think transmascs are confused girls, they think transmascs are disabled girls. The rhetoric of ROGD and similar revolves around the concept of young autistic and mentally ill “girls” transitioning instead of dealing with their disorders. They lack many friends due to their disabilities, so they easily are “preyed upon” by older transmascs (because the theory is not that trans women make girls trans, it is that other trans men convince them. This is the entire basis of the “social contagion” of transgender identity amongst people AFAB).

The stance that transmascs are “just” treated as “confused” refuses to acknowledge the actual goal of refusing autonomy to what they perceive as girls who are too disabled to know who they are or what they want. It is not nearly as trivial as people make it out to be.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

being a trans man is insane btw. youll grow up being outcasted and bullied by cis women for being different, for being a freak, for being a tranny, and even the nicer ones will often just assume that you have internalized misogyny and thats why you want to be a guy. and cis men will treat you even worse. because not only are you a "woman", youre a tranny. youre a stupid delusional little girl who she thinks a man and who needs to be fixed by an actual man. and yet people will still try to tell you you have male privilege. and youll be constantly talked over, erased, and excluded, but the moment you speak up, the moment you try to say that people need to include trans men in their trans activism, then youre a misogynist with a fragile ego who hates everything that isnt about him. its just. so fucking exhausting.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

my maleness is not rewarded by cis society because i am not cis. this should not be such a hard thing to understand.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

“Masculinity is always rewarded in girls/vagina holders”

I wanna tell you all about my mom. I know this is a sentence used against transmascs, and im a transman, so I wanna use my voice to tell you about my mom.

My mom is a cis woman, a gender nonconforming woman. (I had to teach her gnc recently actually, because she couldn’t find a term that she felt accurate.)

My mom has always hung out with mostly guys, she can fix cars, we half-joke (because its true) that every time she breaks up with a man they steal her toolbox (they do). We’re going to negate her current relationship because my stepdad is a feminist who adores her, but not all of her exes where like that.

My mom has faced SO MUCH misogyny over her clothing, her makeup, her hobbies. When she was building her tiny model car, her ex would drunkly rant how thats a “boys hobby” and “she shouldn’t be doing that”. Her and my dad used to renovate houses when they were married, Dad would plaster, and mom would plaster alongside him. While also fixing doors and windows, and floors, and ceilings, and painting the damn thing. When she goes to autoparts stores, or car lots, they always talk to her like shes stupid. Recently shes been bringing her husband, so the associate will ramble his ear off, and when theyre finally done, her husband turns to her and goes “babe I don’t know a thing hes talking about, what do you suggest?” because theyre both just so pissed off about it.

Don’t get me wrong, my moms for the girls too! She’ll give her enemy a tampon type of person. But the girls turn their backs on her, quite frequently. Mom used to have a friend, a male friend, who would go to the bar with her. I knew him well. They’re not friends anymore because he used her hobbies and interests to try to sleep with her. He would always try to change her too. Mom likes cooking, so he would try to push her away from things like watching fantasy TV (he thought that was a more ‘male’ genre) or fixing up the house for things like cooking and cleaning.

And so when I came out as trans, it was a really hard time for my mom. She understands now, and shes a HUGE HUGE ally and advocate for me, and I couldn’t fathom having a more supportive mother, but she was really confused. Mom was worried I wanted to transition because the misogyny gnc/masculine women face. I didn’t shave, I liked playing with knives and multitools, when I did makeup it was always more Kiss/Marilyn Manson style, when my sisters did a Marilyn Monroe.

I remember her driving us home from the clothing shop I came out to her in, and the talk we had. She asked me if I was confused, and I said I was sure. She said that I could just be a tomboy, like her. That it didn’t matter what everyone else said about being a masculine woman. Having talked later as adults, she thought I thought the only option for the type of masculinity I have was to be a man. She was so scared for me and my safety because of how punished masculinity is in women.

So now, as I’m 23, and its 2025, Mom is still the gender nonconforming woman she always has been. Mom taught me how to fish, how to use a hatchet, knife safety, and how to cook and sew. I’m a man who picks up heavy things for her now that shes too disabled too, who wears makeup and nail polish with my denim cutoffs and binder, who still has to call my mommy when I can’t get this screw to screw in right mom, I dont know your tips and tricks.

And masculine women can exist alongside trans men. My mom goes to my hormone appointments with me to make sure these doctors are listening to me, she yells at me when I take my shots late, she picks up my hormones if I’m at work. Mom takes me to Pride every year, and god rest the soul of any transphobes that cross my mothers path. My moms for the girls and the gays, the he’s and the they’s, the its and the lesbians and everyone between. Mom will fix you dinner and your car, and we give her gifts on fathers day too because she was Mom and Dad growing up.

So no. Masculinity isn’t always rewarded in female-presenting people or people with vaginas. My very cis mother could tell you that much.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

The fearmongering around medical transition for transmascs will never not be upsetting to me.

“you’re gonna look ugly as a man” “but you’re such a pretty girl, don’t change that” Wrong. You will look different after T, but you will look happy. You will probably grow hair and gain weight and look pretty different, and none of that is bad or makes you less desirable. You are going to look like you and that’s all that matters.

“T makes you angry” “you’re gonna be a scary man i won’t feel safe around you” Wrong. Testosterone does not “make” you angry. Messing with your hormones will mess with your emotions for sure, but you will not immediately become some scary predator when you start T. Being a man/masculine does not make you a threat, a predator, or inherently angry. That’s radfem shit.

“bottom growth is gross” “no one will want you with bottom growth” Wrong. Bottom growth is cool and a LOT of guys end up loving theirs a lot more than they thought they would. For a lot of people it is a desirable trait, there are people who find bottom growth hot and attractive. And! If you’re sure you don’t want it there’s things you can do to work around that, just talk to your provider.

“bottom surgery is super painful and not worth it” First off, call it phalloplasty, because that’s what you’re talking about. Second, yes it’s painful, it’s surgery. There are risks to it and complications can happen, but that’s true of any surgery. Phallo might not be for you, but it is life saving care for other folks. It is beautiful and should be talked about as life saving care and not as some afterthought thing that no one actually does.

Being transmasculine is a beautiful thing. Transitioning medically is not something every trans person wants, but if you notice yourself holding back for the reasons i’ve listed above (or similar) maybe reconsider.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

@pennydreadfulxiii

[sapphicmistlefoe]

i've been lurking in the transandrophobia tag for a few months now and i still don't get why people hate that term. so far from what i've gathered the arguments against it are all narrow-minded, ignorant or balancing on very specific double standards:

-a refusal to acknowledge the effect that being socially perceived as both a woman and a "freak" has had on transmascs

-a general blindness to the lives of trans men in the global south

-refusing to take things like fgm, honour killings or forced pregnancy seriously

-choosing to listen to cis people over trans men

-a general weirdness around intersex people - i first started paying attention to transandrophobia when i noticed that a lot of the red blogs on shinigami eyes seemed to be people who were just intersex.

-two slightly confused camps, people who claim trans men cannot experience misogyny and people who claim that trans men "just" experience misogyny (therefore the term "transandrophobia" isn't needed)

-people who for some reason think its a good idea to associate trans men with sexual assault <- as if trans men aren't already seen as sexually perverse by the general public

-posts that for some reason exclude trans men even though trans men are affected by whatever is being mentioned, eg. i saw a post about jkr that only mentioned trans women when jkr hates all trans people and the thesis of her original shit essay was the "epidemic" of "girls" seeking to transition

-similarly to above, a common argument against transandrophobia is "well [x] doesn't just affect trans men," but i constantly see things labeled as "transmisogyny" even though they affect pretty much every trans person (jkr's antics, being considered a sexual predator, various anti-trans laws).

-"joke" posts that boil down to "we should kill all transmascs" - i haven't ever seen a "joke" post from the """transandrobros""" even remotely close to this

-"transandrophobia truthers" simultaneously being called MRAs and TERFs

-constant lies about the transandrophobia tag. from what i've seen any transmisogyny gets shut down very quickly but all anti-transandrophobia posts say its rampant with transmisogyny which is just. not true unless you believe the term "transandrophobia" is inherently transmisogynistic, in which case thats just a circular argument.

-transandrophobia is "stealing" language from transfems - this is just how language works.

-"you're misgendering yourselves" and other stupid "gotchas"

-"theyfab" "tboy" "tme" and other ways of quietly dehumanising/infantilising transmascs

-ragebait

[sapphicmistlefoe]

I'm waiting for a moment to play with your brain, to touch the grooves of its surface, to gently pry it open and place a feeling to be felt, a mantra to be repeated. Yes, none of that actually happens. But at the same time (and you know this) everything does happen. Everything is real in the form of words and images. Each gentle contact is a sliver of dream. 🌀

[sapphicmistlefoe]

So here's what happened on Reddit:

A transmasc posted about how transmascs and trans men are often invisible, how our issues are dismissed, and how resources, especially medical ones, are almost always written with non transmascs in mind. They posted this both to r/Trans and r/lgbt.

A moderator of r/Trans responded by telling them to “stop bitching.” That’s the word they used. That’s the level of respect trans men get. Transandrophobic by the way, don't call trans men bitches.

The comment was deleted, quietly, after backlash. Then the entire post was removed. When asked why, a mod responded that the post was “playing oppression olympics,” and took the time to go through and dismiss each of the original poster’s points, including saying that trans men being sexually assaulted isn’t “unique to transmascs” and therefore not an issue, and claiming that access to testosterone isn’t any more restricted than access to estrogen, which is a straight-up lie, because T is a tightly controlled substance in most places and E is not.

The original poster was banned for three days.

Then a separate mod made a post saying, “nobody asked us our side of the story,” which is wild because people absolutely did, publicly and repeatedly. Users also started reporting that they’d had supportive comments removed or had been banned after disagreeing with the mods, some of those claims are still unconfirmed, but given the general behavior, it wouldn’t be surprising.

Then r/Trans locked down entirely. No new posts. The conversation was forcibly ended.

Some people posted about it on r/FTM, many of those posts were mass-reported, automatically removed by Reddit’s automod, or quietly buried. Meanwhile, r/lgbt also removed the original post, with no explanation.

One of the r/Trans mods eventually posted an “apology,” which was really just a soft-scrubbed PR post full of noncommittal language and distancing. They said they didn’t mean to call a trans man “a bitch,” they just used it synonymously with “complaining,” and they didn’t think about the implications until later even though the first post was about microaggressions just like the mod committed. They did not apologize for anything else, not for wrongfully banning people, not for accusing a transmasc venting like any other user of playing oppression olympics, nothing at all. They said they’re on break and can’t do anything about it. They said, and I quote, “please don’t be mad at the rest of the team.” even though the rest of the team are just as culpable for not stopping their behavior.

They also added that trans men are “a welcome part of the community” and tried to point at moderation history as proof. Because apparently we should be grateful that people occasionally get banned, every so often, for implying trans men aren't oppressed at all, wow, thanks, that is like below the bare minimum, cool.

The current state of things is: r/Trans has over 600,000 members, and trans men and transmascs were silenced, banned, and told to shut up for bringing up their own oppression. And the subreddit is locked down. There’s a mass exodus happening to the new sub, r/trans4every1, but let’s be real, the damage has already been done.

Now let’s talk about what this actually means.

This is not “just more Tumblr discourse.” This isn’t some random blog saying they don’t like transmascs. This isn’t a Twitter reply guy. This isn’t a niche zine or a spicy personal take. This is a massive trans-focused subreddit with over half a million users. It's easily one of the largest public facing trans community online, maybe even the largest, I've certainly never found a bigger one myself. And the moderation team made it crystal clear: they do not want transmascs to feel safe or welcome there.

This is what transandrophobia looks like on a slightly larger internet scale. When it’s in the hands of people who get to decide who gets heard and who gets deleted.

And for anyone who’s still stuck on “well they apologized” listen: trans men are told all the time that we’re being too loud, too angry, too entitled, too manly, too feminine, too confusing, too “binary,” too "Nonbinary", too much. We’re told that we’re “oppression olympics-ing” just for talking about our lives. And now we're getting banned and locked out of the spaces that claim to represent a huge portion of online trans people.

This isn't just online drama. This is a bellwether. And if it isn’t setting off alarms in your head, it should be.

The way transandrophobia manifests in online spaces absolutely bleeds into real life, into medical gatekeeping, into poor data collection, into the erasure of sexual violence against transmascs, into advocacy groups that write us out of the picture, into educational materials that treat us like footnotes, if they include us at all.

And if you’re sitting there thinking, “well it’s not that deep,” you’re part of the problem.

We need to start being more honest about this: Transandrophobia is real, it is widespread, and it is growing. We need to stop giving people the benefit of the doubt when they’ve shown us they don’t want us in the room.

And frankly?

We need to start making TRFs [Trans Radfems & transmasc-exclusionary feminists alike] deeply uncomfortable being open about their beliefs. We need to make them afraid to be TRFs, the way they’re trying to make us afraid to exist.

The same way we don’t coddle fascists. The same way we don’t tolerate TERFs. We need to stop tiptoeing around transandrophobia.

Because this growing wave of transandrophobia is going to kill people. Full stop.

Protect trans men. Protect transmascs. Protect your siblings; all of them!

Edit because I forgot to add it:

Another thing worth noting is that not only was r/trans deleting and banning any users and posts talking about the situation, they were deleting any posts talking about transmasc issues or transmasc positivity full stop.

Even when those posts had nothing to do with the current issue. They were being silenced. They were being actively erased, in a trans space.

[sapphicmistlefoe]

some of yall don’t realize that a good chunk of what trans women experience IS androphobia. but we don’t call it “transandrophobia” [trans androphobia] because they are women. we call it transmisogyny [transphobia against transfems]. we all agree on that

so

even though a good chunk of what trans men experience is misogyny, we call it transandrophobia [transandro phobia] [transphobia against transmascs] because we are not women