sarabethsilver

[sarabethsilver]

Lorelai Being Creepy, Line-Crossing, And Or Hypocritical About, With, And To Dean-A Comprehensive Guide- Season 1

1x7, Kiss and Tell: Lorelai to Rory while talking about Rory kissing Dean: "Dean kind of looks like Christopher.” Dean talks back to Lorelai on his and Rory's chaperoned date with Lorelai and Lorelai doesn't hold a grudge for years over this. 1x9, Rory's Dance: “It’ll be all sparkly and exciting, you’ll be standing on the dance floor while some great looking guy stares at you so hard that you won’t even realize that Paris and Tristan have just been eaten by bears.” Dean is a "Good kid" (same episode he publicly threatens to kill Tristan)

1x10, Forgiveness and Stuff: To Luke: "He is not trouble! He's 6'2! He's beautiful! He's in love with my daughter!" The first of many instances spanning over 5 years where Luke tries to impart to Lorelai that Dean is a piece of shit and she's too blinded by lust. Lorelai finds Dean peeping in her window late at night and calmly opens the window to flirt with him, later referring to it as "The ol tapping on the window bit!" Lorelai advises Rory to "go call Dean" and "Go, talk mushy to each other, then spend an hour arguing over who’s going to hang up first.”

1x11, Paris is Burning: Lorelai: "How many times did dean call tonight?" Rory: "Not many…3…5.” "Not an all time high, but very respectable."

1x14, That Damn Donna Reed: Dean talks back to Lorelai again ("I'm not an idiot"), Lorelai is unphased. Lorelai finds out Dean and Rory were unsupervised at Babette's house, is barely phased and not panicking that they're going to fuck in the driveway. Quote: "You’re 16 and you have the whole house to yourself for the evening, I expect you’re going to have your boyfriend over.” 1x17, The breakup Part II: Lorelai teasingly refers to Dean as "Stalker material!" after stating that he's called the house 25 times and doodled Rory's name all over his notebooks. Even though Rory asks Lorelai to get rid of a box of Dean's worthless crap she's been saving, Lorelai lies to Rory and agrees to do it but just hides the box instead. Lorelai runs to Max's house late at night to cry that Dean and Rory broke up (then Lorelai and Max have sex).

1x20, Ps I Love You: Max and Rory are alone in a classroom, a foot apart, where he’s telling her that he’s concerned about her after her breakup with Dean, which Lorelai told him about without Rory’s knowledge. Later, Lorelai tells Rory that she talked to Dean behind her back without her knowledge. Lorelai confronts Dean at work and pretends to be mad that he dumped Rory, but her loins are quivering. Dean talks back to Lorelai. Lorelai is unphased. Dean describes their breakup to Lorelai thusly "I said I love you to Rory and all she did was sit there and I don’t understand why that makes me a jerk." Lorelai's first concern when cornering Rory about the breakup is how Dean is taking it. "He said I Love you and you didn’t say it back? That must have been rough on him." then Lorelai imparts some confusing wisdom on Rory that glosses over the fact that Dean shouldn’t be pressuring Rory to do or say anything she doesn’t want to and instead is more focused on Rory living life without regrets or some shit like that. Rory looks defeated. 1x21: Love, Daisies, and Troubadours: Rory finds the box of Dean Shit Lorelai said she'd throw out. Lorelai kept it because "you're gonna want some of that stuff one day, when you’re old and married, and you can look back and say "I certainly had an interesting life!” Whatever you say Lorelai. I’m sensing a theme here, which is that Dean’s lot in life is to make Rory’s life more interesting for her mother. "You can pull out all of your old boyfriend boxes!" We never see a Jess Box :(

Stay tuned for Part 2!

[sarabethsilver]

Am I the only one who thinks Jess and Lorelai are nothing alike?

Aside from what I'd consider surface-level similarities, like a propensity for sarcasm or many opinions on music, these two have nothing in common. Yes, they both had bad childhoods... but they were bad in opposite ways, and these two emerged with diametrically opposed worldviews.

Let's consider the Big Five personality traits, just to give us a framework. At a basic level, are their personalities compatible?

Extraversion. Well, that's an easy one. Lorelai is the quintessential extrovert. She thrives on social interactions, she tries to befriend everyone she meets, and she adores chit-chat. Jess, on the other hand, could not be more of an introvert if he tried.

Agreeableness. This includes one's ability to cooperate and trust others. Lorelai believes in the goodness of others. She trusts her friends, her coworkers, and her entire town. She places a high value on community, and she gets along with pretty much everyone. Jess has no such trust in others, and he's famous for NOT getting along with people. I don't see him placing much value on community. I think that's why he ends up working at a job with exactly four other people, because that's probably his max capacity for trusting others.

Neuroticism. One's tendency to experience negative emotions. Lorelai is, at baseline, a happy person. She finds great joy in small things. She wakes up in a good mood most days. Jess, for the majority of the time we know him, does not. I would describe him as irritable, withdrawn, and/or anxious most of the time. Even when good things happen to him, he doesn't trust it. He anticipates being disappointed, and when that happens (Jimmy re-abandoning him, Luke kicking him out, Luke guilting him into Liz's wedding, Rory using him in a revenge scheme)... Jess is sad but unsurprised. These events fit with his worldview, and with his general mood state. Lorelai, on the other hand, gets her heart shattered by her parents each and every time; she always tries to trust them, and then she's hurt all over again when she can't.

Conscientiousness. Jess and Lorelai are both incredibly smart and hard-working, and they both end up thriving in careers they're passionate about. But conscientiousness also includes organization and adherence to social norms. Lorelai believes in systems. She works at the same place for nearly two decades, progressively moving up the hierarchy. She diligently works at her education over many years. In short: Lorelai trusts that taking the 'right steps' in an organized manner will yield results. Jess has no such faith in systems. He obviously doesn't trust formal education. Jess is hard-working, but he's far more spontaneous when it comes to his career; he bounces from one job to the next. His success comes by his own hand: a short novel he wrote alone.

Openness to experience. They're probably more alike on this trait. Lorelai and Jess are both intellectually curious, they both have passionate interests, and they're both great at problem-solving. But there are important differences, too. Lorelai strongly prefers her familiar routine. She is highly intolerant of change, even on a small scale. Jess has never had a routine. He's pretty damn tolerant when his life is repeatedly turned upside down, and seemingly goes wherever the tide takes him. He manages to find something he enjoys and/or feels productive in, no matter where he is.

I think their personalities are very different, and then I think those opposite childhoods shaped them further.

Lorelai's childhood was characterized by hyper-judgmental parents trying to micromanage every facet of her existence. When Lorelai CHOSE to leave, it was a specific rejection of her parents trying to force her into a specific lifestyle. Outside of rejecting that, Lorelai broadly trusts the world at large. Her late adolescence was defined by a world that 'caught' her; Lorelai is surrounded by love, acceptance, and support as she pursues her dreams. The entire town envelops her in this protective bubble. Hence: her belief that the world is good and people are trustworthy.

Jess' childhood was characterized by parents who could not care less about anything he does. When Jess was FORCED to leave, it was another data point to prove that people cannot be trusted. His late adolescence was defined by a world that rejected him. Jess is surrounded by people who are disinterested at best, angrily rejecting at worst. And when he's at his most vulnerable, he is ejected from his last remaining safety net. Hence: his belief that people and systems at large cannot be trusted. You can only rely on yourself. I'd argue that even Adult Jess has boundaries about a mile high.

So no, I don't think Lorelai rejected Jess because she was reminded of herself. I think she fundamentally struggled to understand any part of his worldview. And it was all made perfectly clear that first night: Lorelai, with her abundance of trust in the good will of others, simply wanted Jess to understand how lucky he was to have Luke. And Jess, who had long since learned that nobody can be trusted, looked at her like she was speaking another language. It wasn't their similarities that drove them apart; it was their differences.

[sarabethsilver]

(x)

[sarabethsilver]

Drew this a while ago and decided I hated it when I tried to post it. Today I decided idgaf.

[sarabethsilver]

What's gorgeous about this line is that Rory doesn't just mean Jess looks handsome... he looks WELL, and that's even better. The last time she saw him, he was wide-eyed and frantic, yell-begging her to run away with him in an impulse he agreed was "insane." Nothing about Jess looked or sounded well in S4.

But here? Jess is calm, cool, collected. And Rory can tell, from 60 seconds of interacting, that Jess is in a totally different and healthier space. And look how happy that makes her! 🥰

[sarabethsilver]

*This poll was submitted to us and we simply posted it so people could vote and discuss their opinions on the matter. If you’d like for us to ask the internet a question for you, feel free to drop the poll of your choice in our inbox and we’ll post them anonymously (for more info, please check our pinned post).

[sarabethsilver]

we don’t appreciate nearly enough the drama queen level pouting and sulking jess did over this whole employee of the month situation

10/10. literally *the* most 17-year-old response he could’ve had to what was probably a ten minute work meeting

[sarabethsilver]

Me in every social situation:

GIF by jeeyuns

[sarabethsilver]

Milo Ventimiglia as Jess Mariano in Gilmore Girls | 3.21 "Here Comes the Son" (9/?)

[sarabethsilver]

I don't mind that Rory wanted to wear the bracelet! That makes sense to me. I agree, she's a sentimental person.

What bothers me is Dean's overreaction to Rory not wearing it. His immediate "where is your bracelet?... WHY did you take it off?!" is waaayyy too much. Because what if her answer had just been, "I felt like taking it off 🤷‍♀️" ?? I cannot imagine that Dean would be okay with that.

That's my whole problem with Dean and Rory's relationship overall. Because Dean and Lorelai are so loudly insistent about every facet of that relationship, and because Rory is such a people-pleaser, I am never clear on what Rory actually wants. Do I think she loved Dean? Sure. Do I think she wanted to date him for 2+ years and never take off that bracelet and talk to him 5 times every day and have 8-hour marathon dates every Saturday? I sincerely don't know.

ok i just saw a rory gif set that included her bracelet that i didn’t even notice until one of my mutuals pointed out. i’ve never once noticed that fuckass thing until jess took it. i didn’t even remember it two seconds after he did. are you telling me that poor sixteen year old girl was wearing that piece of shit leather strap on her cute little wrist for that damn long? THAT is what she was so worried about losing (yes i understand the symbolism but let’s step back)? but a birkin she didn’t care about?

[sarabethsilver]

ok i just saw a rory gif set that included her bracelet that i didn’t even notice until one of my mutuals pointed out. i’ve never once noticed that fuckass thing until jess took it. i didn’t even remember it two seconds after he did. are you telling me that poor sixteen year old girl was wearing that piece of shit leather strap on her cute little wrist for that damn long? THAT is what she was so worried about losing (yes i understand the symbolism but let’s step back)? but a birkin she didn’t care about?

[sarabethsilver]

a lot of the time it kinda feels like jess's storyline is too dark for gilmore girls, so it's always There but it's never reaaally adressed or gone in depth into, which is fine because that's what fanfiction is for but it frustrates me that people take what they see on the show at face value and don't read into the subtext (i've been told i dive too deep into the subtext, but i'd rather that than to not dive at all. to stay on the shore. lame)

additionally, jess is portrayed a certain way on the show (angry, rebellious) which i love about him because i crave that specific flavour of traumatised characters in media (so i can project) but some people don't seem to link his backstory to his current way of being. i'm not saying that his actions should be excused because of his past, but i wish he could get a little more understanding, from the other characters (mostly luke, who treats him better than anyone else but fails to actually understand his trauma-- by no fault of luke's own, he's just a little out of his depth) and from the viewers. i see people talking about it as if jess's character was just like:

"oh this kid's loser dad walked out on him as soon as he was born, which obviously had no effect on him, he had no father figure unless you want to count the men who continuously entered and just as quickly dissapeared from his and his mother's life, his mum also drank copiously-- again, none of this must've had any effect on this kid's life. his mum then very resonably gave up on him because he fucking sucks for no reason, and sent him away. leather jacket wearing bad boy"

when it's more like jess was raised by a single mother (who had him very young), she was an addict and jess was raised in a life of instability and neglect due to this, financial problems and his mother's boyfriends, he begins to act out becuase of it and gets sent to an unfamilliar town to live with his uncle who is essentially a stranger. all of these experiences from such a young age obviously affected jess's mental state and ability to form relationships with other people deeply. this, again, doesn't excuse a lot of his actions but i think it does explain at least some of them

it also doesn't help that the show revolves so much around rory (obviously, it's called gilmore girls, not the jess mariano show) which causes jess's actions to be linked to rory in a way that gets ridiculous at some point. like jess coming back because luke stole his car and luke telling him to stay away from rory. you mean this teenager (who luke, his first relatively stable parental figure, not too long ago kicked out) flunked out of high school, met his deadbeat dad for the first time in 18 years and was promptly rejected by him and is about to spend a freezing cold night sleeping in his car, but of course he's here for rory. be for real

i love jess and i'm happy with how most of his storylines panned out but i always yearn for a little more. an acknowledgement of why he may be reluctant to let liz back into his life, him and lorelai having an actual conversation where she tries to actually understand his experiences not assume she does because of her own, luke being a little gentler with jess sometimes, an explanation of what happened while jess was away that suddenly made him so emotionally mature and well adjusted. idk, just something that's been on my mind

[sarabethsilver]

The fact we don't get completely distracted with Jess taking five minutes to awkwardly shove a loose cigarette into his pocket mid-kiss...

GIF by poguelandia

...is a testament to how delightfully swoon-worthy this moment is.

My boy's got moves. Awkward moves, sure, but he makes it look so good 😎

[sarabethsilver]

It's funny when fans reduce Jess and Rory's connection into an "I can fix him" trope. Did they... watch the show? Rory did NOT fix Jess. They dated and he struggled, imploding at the end of his senior year with a spectacular series of mistakes. Jess doesn't get "fixed" until later, and he does it all on his own. It's kinda the whole point of his arc. Rory didn't fix him, nor was she trying to fix him. She just loved him and believed in him even when he was struggling.

You know who WAS Rory's "I can fix him" guy? Logan. He's the guy who magically changes for Rory. He's suddenly monogamous, he's real quick to move in with her, he suddenly starts liking his job. All the characters comment on this, too. Logan notes that he never thought he'd like a relationship until Rory, Mitchum credits Rory with Logan's good choices, and Rory worries out loud that she's "tamed" Logan. And once they break up, Logan reverts to most of his bad behaviors. He's the definition of an "I can fix him" trope. Just another thing that makes Logan so overwhelmingly boring.

[sarabethsilver]

Watching the infamous Truncheon scene from season 6 again because I wanna feel something tonight and just, this simple dialogue of,

Jess: "So you're here alone?"

Rory: "I guess."

Jess: "Cool 🥰"

OH MY GOD MY BABY WAS SO HOPEFUL AND THE WAY HE PERKS UP AND OH GOD I FEEL SO SAD AND TERRIBLE AND UGH RORY WHY 😭

[sarabethsilver]

gilmore girls: let the games begin

[sarabethsilver]

God that scene with Rory and Jess on the bus is so brutal because she knows he’s leaving - there’s no way she didn’t see his bags - but she also knows that he didn’t intend on seeing her before he left - he thought she got an earlier bus.

And so she says nothing to stop him, she lets him go, because what else is she meant to do? He’s leaving and he didn’t want to see her before he went and she understands that there’s more going on with him than he’s been telling her but he won’t talk to her even now. The most he can tell her is that he couldn’t get tickets to prom and you can feel her disappointment not just about not getting to go with him like they’d planned, but also that this is the thing he chooses to tell her. Not whatever’s actually going on but something far more insignificant and it’s such a gut punch. Like even now he doesn’t trust her with the truth (we know its because he’s just so ashamed of it but for Rory it has to feel like that)

And the most she can do is say ‘you’ll call me?’ with the implication of ‘when you get wherever you’re going’ because she wants him to be ok even if that’s not here with her and that’s what she’s trying to tell him - you can call me, even though you’re leaving, even though you didn’t say goodbye, I still care about you. And that last look she gives him before she gets off the bus says the same. She knows she can’t stop him, so she doesn’t try.