Just a typical teenager trying to express herself in internet because the people I know in real life sucks.
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You'll get the future you want so badly. It's okay to be on your own timeline. You don't have to feel ashamed for taking a gap year, a leave of absence from school/work, or time off of whatever you do. Things will come together eventually. Take care of yourself first.
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Idk what the fuck am i doing with my life but nowhere to go but here! 2nd day of my official big girl job :’)
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Life after College
It's currently 5:44 in the morning, and no i am not a morning person. I haven't gotten any sleep yet because surprise surprise, at the age of 23, my sleeping schedule still sucks. I found myself logging on to this tumblr account. I guess I just really feel alone at the moment. Life update everyone, I am now a degree holder - plus plus plus *insert drum roll please* I am now also a license holder. Yes you heard it right, this procastinator passed the board exam for psychometrician. Duuuuude, i don't even know where to begin. So last year after graduating college, i got a job as an HR assistant for a veterinary clinic/cafe. I thought I was already set for life like yes-i'm-finally-an-adult-kind-of-moments, but ofuckingcourse, the universe hates me still and gave me a job that not only is morally depriving, but also mentally exhausting. Imagine working in a company where everyone knows each other because it's literally a castle of nepotism. Everyone is related to one another - yes related, as in they're all relatives. Blood relatives. It's hard to work as an HR when i have to give out sanctions to normal employees and let the bosses and other employees in the back office do whatever they want to do without any consequences. I felt caged, like going to work everyday is like a punishment to me. I even cry in shower because of how I dread going to work everyday. I cry to my boyfriend, to my friends, to my sister, and everyone inside my circle. On top of that miserable chapter of my life, my HR manager was a bitch who makes it her mission everyday to piss me off and let me do ALL the work while she just sits there all day doing nothing and takes all the credits for my hardwork. You know those type of adults that doesn't know how to move on from being a mean girl in highschool. She's like that. She thinks she's cool and all being loud and making fun of everyone. Fuck that shiiit. Long story short i only lasted for 3 months. I know, how pathetic. But I was literally losing my mind there and I felt that if I stayed I might get fired anyways because they don't like me. Why? Because they can't control and manipulate me into doing the things they want me to do. Which most of it are illegal anyways. No thanks, i'm good. See you never, assholes. So after resigning at my job, i decided to enroll in a review center to pursue my journey in getting the psychometrician license. To be honest, i think 80% of my reason on why i decided to pursue it is because I wanted to have an excuse on why I resigned. Like I'm convincing myself and the people around me that it's okay that i'm unemployed, I'm doing something more important anyways. I studied for 8 months and luckily i was able to pass the board exam last August. I was so happy and proud of myself. But it didn't last long because here I am now, after 3 months of passing the board exam, I'm still unemployed. I don't know why but i stopped looking for jobs online. I just stopped functioning. I feel like no job is suited for me. I want to practice my license and profession but there is no opportunity here. I kept looking online and the only jobs there is are all corporate related. Yes, HR again. I don't want to be an HR officer again, i dread it, like it makes me physically and mentally ill just thinking about it. So now I'm stuck and unmotivated and sad and all the other shitty feelings there is in this world. I feel like everyone around me is starting their lives already and I'm still here. Stuck. I wish I could start my life now too.
Anyways, future me, if you're reading this i hope you have a job already. You're not getting any younger, I hope you pull your shit together already. Make us proud. Live this life. Explore, travel, and meet other people. Don't hide in the house and rot in your room. Go to cafes, watch that movie in the cinema. Eat alone if no one wants to come with you. Just live. 23 year old us is currently a loser so I hope you're doing better there. Love you xx
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IDENTITY OR EXISTENTIAL CRISIS? who the fuck knows
Holamigos, it's me back at it again with another update about my shitty life. I know i know "what happened with the sunshine and butterfly shit you posted the last time?" Well it's still sunshine and butterflies sometimes but because of the online class and being stuck in a house with your oh-so-adorable family, it fucking sucks. I try to be as optimistic as I can, I really do. But there are days where I just literally feel the burden on my shoulders. I have to study to have a scholarship since we're really having a hard time in money. Ofcourse my sister - who have the only job here in the house - doesn't like to share her money. But mind you, she will happily spend it on her so called friends in a blink of an eye.
Anyways, it's our midterm exam week and i have zero motivation to study because of this one subject, that even though i gave my 110% efforts in studying her complicated lecture, i still don't get an passing grade. I'm always below average (which sucks when you have a grade to comply to have the scholarship) and it doesn't help that not only do i have to think about the acads stuffy, i also have to take care of them (the morons aka fam). It's like i can't control my own life. I literally have no control. Now I'm questioning everything. My course, my life choices, my chores, everyfuckingthing. Oh and I didn't even have the time to be sad because i still have to think of their problems. It's like i have to solve every problem they have. I'm feeling overwhelmed so much. I have no control of my life. I hate feeling like i have no control on everything.
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2nd year college
Hey y'all! I honestly forgot about this blog freakin' hell! Okay so first of all, i'll give you a recap abut my life for the past 6 (?) years lol so i am now a 2nd year psychology student. Ha! Who knew right? Coming from a 15-year-old-depressed-girl to this matured college girl. Life really will surprise you. Upon browsing some old writings, i find it funny how sad i am on highschool. Now i am at my happiest stage. I am in a healthy relationship and guess who is it? Guess guess guesssss? It's giggle! hahahaha i don't know what to tell you all but our relationship was very far from perfect. We've had our share of ups and down. Instead of letting go we learned from our mistakes and let it make our relationship stronger. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. Now i have a course that I love, a supporting boyfriend and some true friends who's there for me even though we don't always talk. I am feeling so productive this past few weeks. I finished all my school works and i just had a very nice time with my love today. Even though i had a breakdown earlier i can say that this week was alright. NOW THE ONLY PROBLEM IS I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MANAGE MY MONEY :( I SUCK AT SAVING MONEY HUNNIES
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nah
hola bitches, im back!! It's christmas eve but i don't feel it. It's like another normal day for me.
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hey heart
I just experienced my very first heartbreak. It was nasty. I don't want to experience it again. We're not really together so that hurts more. I know I don't have any right to feel this way but i do. I was hurt. I cried a lot i lost count. It hurts to see you so happy and perfectly fine without me. You were having the time of your life, while i was in my room locked up crying and asking myself where did i go wrong. You made me feel worthless and ugly. I didn't eat for days,I was out of my mind. Earlier, i saw you checking out a girl. A very pretty one. You have no idea how much you're killing me. You never fail to bring down my confidence. You're talking to her again. The girl who ruined us. They all teased me bout it. It's like they don't want me to ever forget the betrayal. I just laugh and acted like it never bothered me. But it does. It fucking does. It hurts to smile and laugh. I can't pretend anymore. Why is it so easy for you to move on? Am i just a game to you? A chase? There's a lot of questions going on in my mind but I know you're just gonna feed me with all your bullshit. What's the point. But i realized that i should stop. I should stop holding on to you. To us. You've already moved on and there's nothing more i can do but to be happy for you. I can't promise you that it will be fast, but i can tell you that i will try. There will be a progress, i hope. Who knows maybe months from now, i can finally look you in the eye and never feel the butterfly and the hurt again. You'll just be a stranger with some bittersweet memories. -ks
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2nd Quarter
holla bitches, sorry for being inactive here. Blame school. So its hell week again (eurgh) and im freaking out right now 'cause i havent done anything yet. I know what you're thinkinking. "Why are you still here blogging to your non existent followers bout your boring life?" the answer to that is because im a fucked up kiddo. I think im going crazy guys. I need to focus more i know but it's really haaard. Halp.
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so many school works...
help im proastinating again
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1 and a half month in prison
I haven't been able to write on my blog because of school. I'm so freakin' stressed out (by 21p lol) the pressure and the lack of sleep makes me grumpy as hell. Oh and because fate hates me, i am forced to interact with 'A' for the whole school year and let me tell you this, it is really tiring to be nice when a person like her exist. I mean i'm a nice person (kinda) but my bitchiness just comes out when she's there. You'd also be annoyed by her if you're in my place. Trust me. Like last friday, we're having an activity in the gym and it was really hot in there it was like we're in freakin' hell. (well she's there so..) She borrowed my fan nicely you can hear the bullshit dripping in her mouth and being the kind person i am, i let her borrow it 'cause i thought i'm not gonna use it yet anyway. So after the activity, i was really sweaty and i went up to her and asked for my fan and the bitch won't let me have it back! I was really pissed off and mad because i was really sweaty and i am exhausted that day. To make it short, i was in a pissy mode and i am soooo tempted to slap her ugly ass face that day but i don't want to cause any attention so i just accepted her offer to sit beside her so she can 'fan' me. She's also my group mate in math which sucks ass 'cause that girl doesn't do shit. Except for writing, she always volunteer to write down the report but cmon everyone can right. It's not fair that she can have the same grade as we are. We are the one who's solving the bloody hard questions and she just sit there waiting for the answer. Sometimes i rather do an individual task than a group task. Sigh, but it's not like i can do anything about it so i guess i'll just have to suck it up. So yeah, basically my 1st month in school sucks ass. What's new though. Okay i gotta go now, i still have some task to do. Bye non-existent friends!
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