satireknight

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E07 - Burne’s Blues

Rarely do you see an episode named after a character in which that character is so... disposable. As in, you could edit this episode down about five minutes and practically cut Burne out of it, and the story would be almost the same.

So it’s hot in NYC - the number 112 is tossed around - and the Turtles are coping the way they cope with everything: large amounts of pizza with weird toppings. April is just wishing for death.

And as the final indignity, the air conditioning is out. I’m not even sure why April is there, in a place devoted to hot food she’s not eating during a heat wave. Shouldn’t she be fleeing to the ocean or something?

The chef tries to dazzle them with his newest pizza creation, but it’s something so rank that even the Turtles are repulsed.

Why? Because ALL his ingredients apparently went bad, even though his refrigerator was just fixed the same day. Whoops. Apparently this guy doesn’t even check the ingredients before whipping them together and making pizzas out of them? And why was he using ingredients that were kept in a broken fridge? This restaurant wouldn’t last five seconds with a decent health inspector.

Just then, three thugs rush in and demand all the money and jewelry of everyone in there. Of course, the Turtles start kicking ass and taking names, while Michelangelo menaces the thieves with his invisible nunchucks.

And despite the Turtles being armed, they decide to attack with stacks of pizzas that are just sitting there. No, I don’t know why.

April does an after-the-fact report on it for the news, but her ever-surly boss Burne isn’t satisfied because she doesn’t have actual footage of the Turtles kicking ass. This launches him into a “in MY day” grandpa story about how badass reporters were when he was one, and Vernon starts agreeing because he’s a kiss-ass.

“... he’d find out who those Turtles are in no time.” Um, they don’t really have secret identities. They’re just... them.

However, he makes the mistake of calling his boss “old and out of shape,” which is a bit like trying to beat a lion to death with a ping-pong paddle. Burne is outraged and decides to show all of them that he can find the Turtles himself, and he’s dragging Vernon along for the ride.

So he gets dressed in his old reporter clothes, which oddly still fit him, but forgets his pants.

We also find out why the Turtles are so blase about the whole massive heat wave thing: their lair is encrusted in ice.

They might be less cold if they weren’t sitting around bare-legged on the ice and practically nude. Also, we find out that Donatello apparently keeps a thermometer on his crotch just so he can pull it out and bitch about the cold.

April summons them to the restaurant they were just at, which is now shut down. Was it because the refrigeration went down, or was it because of food poisoning from the spoiled ingredients being fed to clients? You make the call.

So it turns out that the repair service that has been failing to fix the air conditioning is called S&K Refrigeration, and you’ve already spotted exactly who’s responsible for all this. They also aren’t listed in the phone book, which raises the interesting question of just how they get clients at all, let alone miles and miles of buildings. Do they just show up at random places, and are allowed in on the honor system?

Burne and Vernon are out looking for underworld informants they can pump for info on the Turtles. It goes as well as expected.

That was riveting. Anyway, April finds the S&K repair truck, and decides to charge in and poke the hornet’s nest without backup. Bad idea, because the repairman turns out to be a surprisingly sinister-looking Bebop.

Yep, she’s been taken hostage again by Shredder and his mooks, who have been stealing freon from the air conditioning systems all across New York. The final indignity? Krang doesn’t even want the fucking freon, because he says it’s too unstable. Well, they just wasted a lot of time and sweat.

Instead he wants something called “Nutrafreeze,” which sounds like an oppressively healthy kind of ice cream.

While they’re expositing loudly near her, April flips open a valve of freon, which leaves a visible trail behind the truck as it speeds away. The Turtles show up about two seconds later and apparently don’t see the truck, but they do find the gas trail.

No, they haven’t figured out what “S&K” stands for.

And back in the B-plot, Burne and Vernon are being tickle-tortured by the sinister man and his compatriots.

Eventually Sinister Man decides that they’re both as ignorant as they claim they are, but now they Know Too Much and must die for it. But before he can kill them, a car bashes down the door and drives Sinister Man and his cronies away.

It turns out to be a mob boss called Don Turtelli, who apparently misheard “darn Turtles” as being his name, and wants to know who sent them. When Burne says no one.... he brings out the feather.

You see what I mean about the whole Burne part of the plot being entirely disposable?

TO BE CONTINUED

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E06 - The Old Switcheroo, Part 2

So while the Turtles are discussing how weird Splinter is acting, Shredder comes in, picks up a giant spear with a mace at the end, and orders them to attack. He’s a master of subtlety.

And after bludgeoning Raphael with Donatello’s body, he laughs evilly and orders them to do every exercise ten times. Well, that’s thirty hours of continuous exercise... good luck scraping them off the floor after that. 

As he leaves, he says, “I can destroy them whenever I wish.” Of course, that leads us to the biggest problem of the episode: Shredder is in an ideal position to kill the Turtles, but he’s botching it. First, he never really tries to kill them; he seems to just try to humiliate them over and over for the lulz. Secondly, he is apparently incapable of acting like Splinter would, which puts the Turtles on their guard and makes it more likely that they’ll try to fight back when he does make a move.

Also, he accidentally exposed himself again when he fought them, because Leonardo unsurprisingly knows Splinter’s fighting style inside and out. All of them figure out that it reminds them more of Shredder.... so yeah, Shredder has managed to practically expose himself simply because he can’t pass up an opportunity to be a dick.

Meanwhile, Splinter is trying to oh-so-casually discuss the whole mind-transfer thing with Krang, but isn’t really able to do it without rousing more suspicions.

Bebop blurts out that Shredder got zapped, and Krang decides that they should scan Shredder’s brain, just in case. Again, what is he complaining about? Does it feel weird not having someone be an utter dick 24/7?

So in a matter of minutes, Splinter’s sitting under a brain-scan-thingy, looking like he regrets everything.

And given that he refers to “Shredder” and “you” separately, I think Krang might have figured out what happened. Certainly possible considering that Splinter was asking, “By the way, do you happen to have anything that can switch people’s minds?”

And then... not kidding, Splinter manages to change his brain-wave patterns through sheer force of will.

I’m pretty sure that’s completely impossible, but you know what? If anyone did it, it would be Splinter.

So Krang is satisfied that Splinter is Shredder, and immediately tells him to go get the doohickey thingamabob to fix the Technodrome. Also, Bebop and Rocksteady must REALLY be grating on Splinter’s nerves, because he bitches more in one line about having them along than he has ever done about all the Turtles, ever.

Meanwhile, since Shredder has the Turtles at his mercy and can kill them anytime.... he’s having them clean.

“Do you Turtles get the feeling there’s something not right about Master Splinter?” Leonardo, we established a scene or two ago that not only is he being violent and acting evil, which all of you have noticed, but that he was fighting in a style totally different from his usual one.... and which also happened to be similar to your archnemesis. Yes, they have the feeling. Try to keep up!

Just then, April pops in and Shredder yells at her before storming off. Since I don’t think Splinter has raised his voice even implicitly at her even once, she’s rather hurt by this. It’s also enough to convince the Turtles that there’s something rotten in the state of Denmark.

Michelangelo apparently is the only one who remembered that the “bizarro ray that zapped him” might have something to do with his weird behavior. You’d think it would pique Donatello’s science-nerd interests.

Just then the module comes bursting up, conveniently right in front of where they’re standing. And despite having seen it a few times, they act like this is new information.

And though Rocksteady and Bebop are raring for a fight, Splinter-in-Shredder’s-body is desperate not to fight. I could chalk this up to not pretending very well, but I can see why he might panic and lose control in this situation - he’s facing his sons/pupils, who have no idea who he is, and who might get hurt if he doesn’t try to avoid a conflict. Even worse, they don’t realize who he is, or what has happened.

I do sort of wonder how he planned to let them know eventually, though.

So they approach Splinter very aggressively, but he stops them with a speech about he’s taught them to look under the surface, and how they should look with their hearts instead of their eyes. It’s not a particularly deep speech, but it’s nicely done, especially as we see the Turtles’ faces changing in confusion as they listen.

And if Shredder’s stint as Splinter has taught us anything, it’s that he wouldn’t be able to fake something like this. He’s too dedicated to douchery.

Shredder, meanwhile, is freaking out because the Turtles left instead of hanging around to be humiliated. Oh, and he vows to “destroy” them again, even though he has had plenty of chances.

Gotta admit, that picture is pretty surreal out of context.

Donatello unsurprisingly knows the right way to switch them back to their bodies, and Leonardo has a brilliant idea for getting Shredder back to the lab. You know, whenever this series needs someone to brainstorm a clever solution, they just have Leonardo pull an idea from his butt.

So they come back home and find Shredder still stewing, giving him the fake claim that they’ve found Shredder and can finally get him for good.

That’s too good an opportunity for Shredder, who wants to recapture Splinter so they can swap bodies again. Not sure how he plans to convince Krang that he is who he says he is, especially since Krang doesn’t even really know Splinter.

Wait, if Shredder left the lair with the Turtle... doesn’t that mean he could backtrack to their lair? ARGH!

Meanwhile, Splinter is off to find the mind-transfer machine, but is interrupted by the presence of two wastes of oxygen.

And before he can tell them to go get some ice cream sundaes or something, the Turtles appear and Leonardo loudly announces their arrival. Splinter actually facepalms at the rotten luck.

Shredder also completely drops the pretense of being Splinter at this point, yelling, “Your Turtles are doomed, my dear rodent, and so are you!” across the room. He might want to save the “rodent” thing for when he isn’t one.

Splinter then lets Shredder knock him off his feet, landing right near Bebop and enraging the dimwitted mutant.

I really do like this bit, with Splinter playing his enemies against each other, since Shredder hasn’t bothered to notify Bebop and Rocksteady about what happened.

So Bebop lunges over and knocks Shredder onto one of the mind-transfer pads, where he mumbles, “Bebop, you idiot” before passing out. It’s a bit scary when you realize how strong those two are, and how much damage they can do when motivated. Although Bebop being an idiot doesn’t really have anything to do with this, since Shredder didn’t even try to enlighten his goons until Bebop was already on the warpath.

There’s also a funny weird bit when Michelangelo yells, “Prepare for ninja revenge, infidel dogs!” and runs out to fight. I don’t know if that’s a reference to something, or if it’s just something weird they decided to have him yell.

So now Shredder and Splinter are both in the mind-switcher, but Donatello is having trouble getting the thing up’n’running. Michelangelo kicks Rocksteady (nice animation, real sense of weight and effort) over to near where his gun is, and Rocksteady fires at Donatello, hitting the panel for the second time. I feel sorry for whoever put so much time and effort into this machine.

So both Splinter and Shredder are zapped by the mighty blue beam, and fall flat on their faces afterwards. And after so much abuse, the machine is now about to explode as things do on this show.

Bebop and Rocksteady grab Shredder’s body and run out of the building, and the Turtles are left undecided about which one is now Splinter and which is Shredder. They decide to take the giant rat body, especially since that involves less fighting with Bebop and Rocksteady.

Now that the whole pathetic incident is behind him, Shredder tells the henchmutants about what happened. I wonder if he told Krang, just so Krang would know that his brain scans aren’t as foolproof as he thought. Maybe he’s just relieved that Shredder is back to being pure douche again.

Meanwhile, Splinter wakes up in the lair with April and the Turtles all waiting anxiously to find out if he’s okay... and, well, the right person. Here’s a hint: if he says something that doesn’t have the word “idiot” in it, and doesn’t throw something at your head, it’s the real Splinter.

But Leonardo apparently needs some proof, which Michelangelo immediately provides: a slice of pizza right in the face.

I guess that real revulsion can’t be faked that well, especially from Shredder. He may know that Splinter hates pizza now, but he probably couldn’t be quite that grossed out by it.

VERDICT:

So this is another good one. The brain-switcheroo story is something that a lot of shows have done in varying formulae, but this one is a solid effort that handles itself pretty well.

Really, my only real nitpick is that Shredder picks up his villain’s idiot ball pretty early on, and keeps hanging onto it. He literally could have killed the Turtles, at least some of them, if he had made an effort to act like Splinter and had actually tried to hurt them. Hell, he came at ‘em with a giant spear, and just gave them some bruises. 

I used to think that maybe they didn’t want to upset the kids by showing the Turtles’ sensei trying to hurt them, even if he was actually Shredder. But then I remembered that the first Rat King episode was this season, and that featured a mind-controlled Splinter trying to kill the Turtles.

Anyway, that’s my pet peeve, but the rest of the episode is done pretty well. I always like episodes that deal with Splinter’s relationship with one or more of the Turtles, and this one does have some subtle moments of that. In particular, I like how the Turtles’ faces cycle through different expressions when Splinter is talking them out of attacking, each one showing individual emotions. 

I also mentioned before that I do like the animation of the fight scenes in here. I especially liked the part where Rocksteady launches himself at Michelangelo, and Michelangelo uses his legs to propel Rocksteady backwards. There’s a real sense of weight and raw physical power in the way it’s animated, which is very nice. The fight scenes were also pretty complex, and Splinter playing the victim to enrage Bebop was a clever moment.

Peter Renaday and James Avery also did a pretty good job in this one, each playing the other’s part; Renaday made his voice rougher and more sinister, and Avery sounded more mellow and quiet. 

Grade: A-

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E06 - The Old Switcheroo

Ah, the mind-swapping episode! I think every sci-fi-related show needs at least one of these. And surprisingly, this episode is not particularly comedic with the idea!

Irma is bawling her eyes out about men being general assholes, specifically a guy who showed up to a date with her with another girlfriend. Did this show just make a veiled menage-a-trois reference?

Anyway, this is the kind of stuff that will drive Irma to sexually harass Donatello, a giant talking turtle who only seems interested in redheads praising his genius. Life is cruel sometimes.

Burne screams at April to get in his office... and I do mean “screams,” even though she’s about ten feet away. She probably has tinnitus now. Apparently he has news of someone “weird” hanging around a lab, which really seems like something the cops should be investigating and not a reporter.

Meanwhile, Donatello has assembled everyone to see the latest thing he’s cobbled together. Where does he get all the parts for his stuff?!

This one is an all-in-one pizza maker, which just requires tomatoes, flour and presumably a few other things like cheese to make pizzas in a matter of seconds. 

Wow, Leonardo’s really a pig on this particular day, isn’t he? 

Of course, Michelangelo is the one who then demands that it be cranked up to maximum, which Donatello wisely does. 

Look at Splinter’s expression. He can’t believe that something like this is happening. 

But it turns out that turning up the intensity is not a good idea, as the machine starts shaking itself apart and garnishing the pizzas with nuts and bolts. Donatello says the one thing you never want a semi-mad scientist to say - “Uh oh!” - and the other turtles hide as the thing explodes. Three of ‘em get faces full of gooey mozzarella, and Leonardo gets a nasty bruise from a bit of flying machinery.

Splinter is very concerned about this, and that doesn’t stop when April calls them to announce that she’s at a sciency lab place, where Shredder and his mutant mooks are moving boxes around near a sinister-looking machine.

The Turtles start off to help her, and Splinter insists on coming along because Leonardo is slightly injured. He’s spent years (I assume) training them in how to fight with deadly weapons. Is a bruise really that big a deal?

Ah well, it’s just a way to make sure Splinter comes along.

April manages to bumble her way into alerting the bad guys to her presence, because frankly she needs more ninja skills than the Turtles do. She is absolutely incapable of stealth.

And since the only person on earth that Shedder wants to fight more than the Turtles is Splinter, the two of them start duking it out immediately.

April also leaps off that catwalk and lands on poor Michelangelo.

When Bebop and Rocksteady start firing at random, Splinter ends up on one of those scary-looking science pads, with what looks like a giant spiky ball hovering over his head. And Shredder ends up being thrown by Donatello onto the other one.

One misplaced blast of energy off Leonardo’s reflective swords, and they’ve both been blasted with mysterious blue energy.

Both teams grab their leaders and hustle back to their respective vehicles, but when Shredder wakes up (in a catering truck), he’s completely confused by how he got there and what’s going on. And when Splnter wakes up, he’s pissy and yells at them.

Yep, their minds got switched, and Shredder is surprisingly pleased about this development, since he figures he can find out where their lair is because... well, Splinter lives there, so the Turtles wouldn’t need to hide it from him.

And no, the Turtles don’t notice that he’s acting rather evil. Bebop and Rocksteady do notice that “Shredder” is being awfully polite and pleasant to them, which forces Splinter to start getting creative with his insults on the fly. Fortunately, that works.

Splnter also is worried about finding out where the Technodrome is, as a reason for going along with the whole “Shredder” thing. Um, they sort of know already. Is the exact location that important?

Unfortunately for Shredder, Leonardo is as much of a first-aid weenie as Splinter is, and insisted that “Splinter” keep a cold compress on his eyes the entire way to the lair.

It shouldn’t be that hard to figure out where he is, though. Just find the nearest manhole cover and discern the street or rough location.

The Turtles start to figure out that something weird is up when “Splinter” grabs a handful of pizza and noms it down, then gets very angry when Leonardo points out that Splinter hates pizza. He orders them to the exercise room... and I’m not entirely sure how he knew they had a dedicated space for that.

Meanwhile, Splinter has to deal with an enemy who isn’t a complete moron, which could be quite a challenge.

And he deals with it in a less-than-ideal manner, being soft-spoken and offering to make up for his epic booboo. Krang doesn’t really know how to deal with a Shredder who isn’t an impatient raging asshole, although you’d think that he’d be too busy celebrating to be concerned.

“If I had hands I would cover my ears... if i had ‘em.” I really like Krang sometimes.

He especially doesn’t know how to deal with Shredder responding to criticisms of failure with “Don’t worry about it, I’ll fix everything.” You’d think that after being stuck with Shredder for the last few seasons, he’d be too busy dancing... if he had feet.

To be continued!

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E05 - Sky Turtles

That’s one of the advantages of being a cartoon: it doesn’t cost extra to simulate zero gravity!

So the Turtles are being weighed, and Michelangelo shows how seriously he takes this by actually eating while he’s on the scale.

And he’s around 190 pounds, which... wow, that shell weighs a lot. Given that they’re all about five foot tall and exercise three hours a day, he shouldn’t be registering that much unless he has a serious weight problem.

In fact, he does have a weight problem because of his pizza dietary habits, which the other turtles tease him about, before Splinter lays down the law and puts him on a diet. Considering the crap he eats, I’m kind of amazed that they didn’t do this years ago.

Then he floats right off the scale.

And the rest of them follow suit, floating around the room like balloons. When Donatello asks (Splinter, for some reason) what’s happening, Splinter says, “I have my suspicions, but it is too soon to tell.” I assume he means who’s to blame, not the technical reasons for gravity going wonky. That department seems more like Donatello’s.

Of course, he’s probably right, because Shredder is gloating over the gravity-altering device he’s using right now.

“With it, I can control gravity, and force the city to obey my every command!” Shredder, you do know that there is more to the planet than New York, right? Sometimes the show seems to forget that fact.

Krang wants Shredder to lay off on the antigravity because the machine is only just being field-tested, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned from this show, it’s that Shredder has no patience for anything. So he cranks it up so it will affect above the subterranean levels. Which it does.

Burne D-Bag Thompson immediately blames the Turtles, because... well, they exist and he can’t fire them, so they must be to blame for stuff. You’d think he’d be deliriously happy that something weird happened so he can broadcast news reports on it.

However, Shredder has pushed the device way too far and it starts sparkling. Or sparking. It’s hard to tell.

I’m pretty sure that gravity, or the lack of it, affects water too. Vernon should be getting giant blobs of water right in the face.

Actually, the antigravity in general doesn’t quite act like actual gravity-free environments in general. For one thing, if someone switched off the gravity in a room you were standing in, you likely wouldn’t move until you propelled yourself somewhere. Newton’s laws still apply.

Anyway, all the Channel 6 people crash to the floor, as do the Turtles. The Turtles got lucky; one of the objects floating around was a giant knife, and thankfully nobody landed on it.

Also, someone animated Donatello with really big feet in this shot.

Does Shredder learn from having pushed the machine too far and breaking it? Nope! He decides to push it in the other direction and cause damage that way. 

So the Turtles spend two hours driving around searching for some sign of gravitational weirdness, and Leonardo says that maybe everybody floating off the ground was just a “freak of nature.” Uh, you don’t get to talk about sciency stuff anymore.

Also, you can apparently see gravity.

This time, the gravity has INCREASED rather than vanishing, which somehow flips the Turtle Van upside-down.

That’s how increased gravity works, right? It makes you flip upside-down and do handstands?

Actually, the show does feature the possible effects of hypergravity - buses collapsing, street lamps bending, etc. I’m just not sure why the Turtles are just forced to stand on their heads, or why their van flipped around rather than being compacted.

Meanwhile, Rocksteady, Bebop and two Foot Soldiers are being sent up with magic boots that cause them to be unaffected by hypergravity. 

Then there’s a wacky side scene where two rich ladies are complaining to a store owner about how their feet can’t move. They seem to be fine, except their feet are stuck to the floor. Because that is how gravity works, right?

The Turtles are not too happy about Rocksteady and Bebop approaching with weapons, since they’re stuck in place. Also, Leonardo yells an alert several seconds after everyone else has noticed the impending peril. He seems a little off in this episode.

They manage to lure Rocksteady inside and throw him off-balance, allowing Donatello and Leonardo to grab his boots. Unfortunately, that means they’re exposed to his feet, which can double as a biohazard. Seriously, Donatello knocks him out with one of his own socks.

They manage to toss the boots on Michelangelo’s feet... somehow... which means Michelangelo can now get upright and move as much as he likes. That’s how gravity works, right?

He encounters the Foot Soldiers in their antigravity boots, but his nunchuks are not exactly working right due to the increased gravity, causing them to be vaporized. Remember: people don’t get vaporized, just weapons. Also robots. Guess how he gets rid of the Foot Soldiers.

Donatello also notices that the birds flying by are unaffected by gravity. Because that’s how gravity works, right? So if they can get to the Turtle Blimp, they can freely get around New York without hindrance.

Unfortunately Michelangelo only has four new antigravity boots, which means that the other three Turtles have to share them. As in,it’s  good those things are roomy, because some are double-loaded.

And if I were Leonardo, I’d be cursing the idea of sharing stuff ever again. Having done three-legged races, I’m pretty sure all three of them would end up face-down in about five seconds max.

Wait, why is Bebop is the Turtle Van? Only Rocksteady was captured. If he had been captured too, there wouldn’t have been any need to share.

Since the incompetent morons have proven to be incompetent morons, Shredder decides to go up himself. And Krang is probably planning some “me” time, since he doesn’t seem terribly invested in the events of this entire episode, especially since Shredder keeps botching things.

Holy fuck, why is Michelangelo clinging to that? It’s weird enough that the Turtles have a vehicle that only seats one person, but poor Michelangelo is forced to hang on for dear life in the back? Is someone punishing him?

So it turns out the hyper-gravity only extends about a dozen feet up... which raises the question of how they got the Turtle Blimp up in the air.

“Do those insufferable Turtles really think they can get the best of ME?” Well, history has shown that it does happen.

So Shredder decides to pump the machine in the other direction, with “ultra-reverse-gravity.” Whatever that means. I assume it means things are going to start shooting off into space. Of course, he apparently hasn’t noticed that the machine is practically on fire now, and Krang is having an aneurysm.

“What’s a cat doing up here?” It’s official. Leonardo is having a slow day. Hopefully he’ll get over it by the next episode.

So yes, things are floating up into the sky and generally cluttering up their airspace. Not a lot of people, oddly enough.

And buildings have started to rip off their foundations and float away, which... really should cause more panic than it does.

Then Rocksteady and Bebop come hurtling by, and... why is Bebop affected by the antigravity? He’s wearing BOOTS.

Just then, April calls them for help, because a peril can’t pass by without April somehow getting in trouble. Apparently she and Irma were just casually hanging out on the roof... like we never ever see them do... when the reverse gravity hit, and now they’re hanging on for dear life.

Just then the building rips loose of its foundations and floats into the sky. Fortunately a single grappling hook can grab it, tow it across the sky, and be used to tie it to another building that inexplicably is not ripping loose.

“You ladies... okay?” Why the solicitous tone, Leonardo? Are you trying to impress someone?

And Irma comments that she could kiss them if they had lips. Um, kissing back isn’t required, you know. Given that Donatello is the nearest to her, I think he might be in danger.

“Do you see that stupendous dish?” “Why thank you, Donatello.” Yes, it’s official. She’s on the road to sexually harassing everyone’s favorite nerdy Turtle.

So Donatello has finally noticed the energy waves radiating from the place where the machine is, and his idea for stopping it involves lifting a satellite dish from Channel 6. April and Irma, in case you’re wondering, are still hanging on for dear life.

Also, Burne Thompson is hanging onto the top of the antenna. Was the entire crew just sitting on the rooftop waiting for disaster to strike?

“Yeah, do you mind? We’re only trying to save the Earth from total disaster!” Ah, Donatello, using common sense against a Grade-A douchebag. Always a futile gesture.

So they fly the glider in and aim the satellite dish at the antigravity.

And it causes an explosion. As satellite dishes do. Somehow this causes the machine to be reversed, and all the buildings immediately fall back onto their foundations, which means no actual damage was done. Except the foundations are all destroyed, quite a few of those buildings wouldn’t be floating in the right position, and Channel 6 was actually towed to a different location. Oops.

Krang amps up the power to the machine, which causes some sparking and shaking for the Turtles.

“The only thing better than maximum power is SUPER maximum power!” Because that’s how technology works, huh? Isn’t Krang supposed to be a genius?

Apparently not, because the machine he built finally tears loose of its moorings and flies up into the sky, knocking Raphael off the glider in the process.

This confirms for them that gravity is now normal again. Unfortunately that means that Michelangelo is now unable to lift the entire satellite dish by himself, and drops it.

Also, Rocksteady and Bebop land rather heavily on Shredder, and they run off because the episode is almost over.

Also, lava only causes mild second-degree burns, correct?

So because Donatello is way nicer than he should be to a douchebag like Burne, he repairs the satellite dish. That’s nice and all, but how are they planning to get it out of the sewers in one piece?

Oh, and shippers can be delighted by what comes next.

On the theme of desperation for female attention, Raphael and Leonardo seem annoyed that she’s giving so much credit to Donatello and has doled out only kisses for him.

Seriously, I love that Leonardo, the mature one, is also pissed off that he’s not getting a kiss.

April comes over to bestow some more kisses on them... only for them to get cockblocked by Michelangelo at the last minute.

You know he’s going to get punched in the head by Raphael for this. He was THIS CLOSE to actually having a woman touch him.

Oh, and the final indignity is that he brought those five pizzas for himself alone, on the basis that he didn’t like being lighter than air.

VERDICT:

Not bad. Not hugely good either, but a decent episode.

Probably my biggest problem with the episode is the schizophrenic way that the gravity is depicted; sometimes it’s a lack of gravity, sometimes it’s reverse gravity, sometimes it’s really strong gravity. Not to mention that stronger gravity is expressed through handstands and feet stuck to the floor.

It’s not a terribly complicated plot, mostly revolving around the Turtles trying to navigate the different gravities, with a few obstacles to overcome along the way. The ending part is cute, though, especially with Leonardo and Raphael desperately vying for platonic kisses as well, after getting mortally offended that Donatello was getting all the love.

And Shredder’s big plan is basically “Step 1: Mess with gravity; Step 2, something something; Step 3: PROFIT!”, which really makes it seem like he nabbed onto Krang’s kewl new toy and went wild without actually thinking anything through.

So overall, kind of a wisp of an episode, but not a badly-done wisp. We’ll get more substance next time.

Grade: C (Average)

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E04 - The Maltese Hamster Part 2

Donatello and April are on their way to the Meat-Rack when he gets clocked - literally - and it knocks off his hat. Quick, put it back on before someone notices him!

April says that all they have to do is follow the trail of antiques to find his hideout. Um, didn’t they know where that was already?

After a pointless encounter with a useless cop, the antiques lead them to the place they were headed anyway, the Meat Rack. Its decor is very literal.

And after some woman tries to pick Donatello up, they just sort of walk right into the back of the club. Nobody tries to stop them. I always assumed the mob was a little more careful.

Vivaldi is busy telling Shredder that no, they haven’t found the hamster statue, even though “every antique” in a fifty-mile radius just floated to them. Shredder is typically calm and diplomatic, and says that he’ll be at the docks at midnight and he wants the hamster there and then.

But Donatello accidentally reveals their location before they can locate Splinter and the other Turtles, mainly by bumbling into a stack of crates. He needs to relearn some basic ninja skills.

And instead of shooting them or using their restraint beam, Vivaldi orders his goons to “get ‘em, boys!” and chases them out of the room, only firing when there’s a large group of people for them to mingle with. 

They fight back with a disco ball and various foodstuffs, and manage to escape back to April’s apartment, which they enter via the window. Donatello is worried that the Butcher’s goons might be watching, hence the climb; I’d question how they’d know where April lives, but then again, she is supposed to be a minor celebrity.

It turns out that Donatello has figured out what is going on... possibly because he overheard Vivaldi and Shredder discussing the hamster. Just then, the world’s slowest delivery boy drops off the package with the hamster statue inside.

He tells April to meet him at the docks at midnight, and to bring the hamster.

We’re way overdue for some exposition, so we switch back to Vivaldi and his goons worrying about the lack of a hamster statue. Suddenly the TV shows Donatello’s face, which is hardly implausible given the number of times the Turtles’ TV has been hacked.

He claims to have the statue, and demands to know what exactly is so special about a hamster statue that Shredder is going to such lengths to get it. Vivaldi immediately spills the story about how an evil scientist in Malta (the only one) who invented a superpowerful explosive and accidentally killed himself, but not before putting the formula inside a hamster statue.

I want to say it’s silly, but I’m smiling too hard.

“... and I get dibs on Detroit.” Sure you want that?

Donatello offers to swap the hamster for the other Turtles and Splinter, before revealing that he didn’t hack the TV - he just hollowed it out and sat there with his head inside it. Don’t ask me how he did that without anyone noticing.

And as he escapes from the place, he snatches one of their laser blasters.

Shredder, Rocksteady and Bebop meet up with the mobsters at the docks that night, which probably doesn’t project the kind of image Shredder wants to the mobsters.

Donatello pops up with the hamster statue, and refuses to hand it over until the other Turtles and Splinter are released. Technically, if they had a sniper nearly they could just shoot him and take it, but...

He tosses it to Shredder as the others are filed out of the car, but with an air that shows that he’s got a plan in the works. Shredder starts exulting about how he now has the formula...

Predictably, he decides to welsh on his side of the deal, since killing the Turtles is one of the few life goals he has. But April immediately shoots the statue from a nearby rooftop, instantly melting it to goop. Since the Turtles don’t usually employ rayguns, Shredder assumes that Vivaldi must have done it for... um... because... er... so he could... uh...

Anyway, he teleports the weapons back, while Donatello frees the others.

Since nobody noticed him doing this, they are able to chase Shredder and his two mutants back onto the module and away. But the Turtles seem to be in a mood after spending most of the episode as captives, so they leave the mobsters trussed on the dock.

As the story closes, the Turtles are back in their trenchcoats and pants, and Donatello is noir-narrating again.

VERDICT: 

I probably shouldn’t enjoy this episode as much as I do, because it does have some truly silly elements like the antique-magnet (which really doesn’t do anything of importance). But it also is well aware of its silliness, and it seems to be having fun with some of the more ridiculous elements like the “Maltese Hamster” statue. 

Not to mention the noir element, which is downright adorable. Just far enough into parody to be funny, but not so much that it overwhelms the rest of the episode or can’t poke gentle fun at itself (”... Sam Spudhead!”). And Donatello’s voice actor was clearly having a blast doing the hard-boiled faux-Bogart voice.

It’s also the first episode I can recall that explicitly focuses on a particular Turtle, in this case Donatello. The narration makes him the overarching presence even when the other Turtles are equally involved in the narrative, and having them taken out of the story for at least half its length makes it essentially a solo adventure. It’s nice to see the nerd taking center stage.

It also gives April a more active role than usual, since she’s Donatello’s only backup in or out of combat. She even gets to take part in the climax in a central if unspeaking role.

Although it does bother me: why didn’t the hamster get dragged away by the magnet? Purchased or not, it’s still an antique (presumably).

Grade: B

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E04 - The Maltese Hamster Part 1

I’m not gonna lie, I have always enjoyed this episode way more than I probably should. I think it’s because of the whole noir-homage slant on an otherwise ordinary episode, or maybe because it’s the first episode that really focuses on Donatello. Or both. 

So Donatello is narrating noir-style over the Turtles simply walking down an alley in a thunderstorm.

He blames the gravelly-voiced narration on the trenchcoats. I assume they’re cold, if they’re wearing pants.

April is covering the latest mob robbery involving laser blasters that can carve giant vaults in half. Unsurprisingly, the Turtles think that Shredder is involved because... well, why not? Sci-fi weaponry works.

April breaks into Donatello’s narration (I’m shocked they didn’t narrate more often) to reveal that the mobster involved is a guy named Tony “The Butcher” Vivaldi. Fun fact: Vivaldi’s first name was Antonio, for anyone who is a classical music neeeeeerdddd. 

April lets drop that Vivaldi hangs out at a nightclub called the Meat-Rack, in case the whole “Butcher” angle wasn’t sufficient. She and the Turtles are about to part ways when she gasps because she sees... a hamster statue.

The Turtles can’t believe life is being put on hold for a hamster statue of all things, but April declares she’s always wanted one. I like hamsters, and I have to say a hamster statue is not a thing I’ve ever wanted.

I love Leonardo’s reaction especially. Not a word said, just total stubborn withdrawal from whatever is happening.

The store owner is very fawning and attentive to April because she’s an attractive young woman, but he very wisely is a dick to Michelangelo when the latter spots an antique pizza maker (it’s actually an old laundry tub). I can see why he’s still in business if he pisses on anyone who is male and not aesthetically pleasing.

He’s also just slightly too broke to buy the item.

Just after they leave, mobster Tony Vivaldi comes in with a laser gun and demands to get a statue of a hamster. If it was that important, why did he go rob other places first and then search for the hamster later?

For some reason the mobster finds it totally implausible that he just sold it, and decides to ransack the place rather than demanding to know who bought it. Because obviously the antique guy would rather lie to a potential customer and NOT make a sale. Odd, considering that you’d think more than one person would be after the item it’s eventually revealed to be.

Also, if you want a certain item, maybe you shouldn’t shoot the entire place and risk destroying it.

Michelangelo, meanwhile, finds a quarter on the ground, which gives him just enough cash to get the pizza maker. He rushes in, but finds the douchey shopkeeper being held at gunpoint.

Also, the mobsters can apparently recognize the Turtles even with their coats and pants on, because they figure out who Michelangelo is IMMEDIATELY. Maybe it’s that his hat fell off? One of them lets slip that they were supposed to “nab” the Turtles, and they manage to entrap Michelangelo with some kind of energy restraint.

They drag him out to the car outside, because having his arms restrained means he can’t run.

“I’m worried about Michelangelo.” “So what else is new? I’ve been worried about him for years.” He left himself wide open for that.

The other Turtles go back to the shop and find it wrecked and Michelangelo missing. Raphael says exactly what I was thinking: “See, this is what you get for being crabby with the customers.” Karma aside, some guy will eventually kick your butt.

Donatello threatens to use his “tough guy” voice if the shopkeeper doesn’t tell them where Michelangelo is. He really says that. The guy blurts out that the Butcher took him, and the Turtles split up to search for him. Wouldn’t it make more sense to just go to the place they already know about where the Butcher goes?

Almost immediately, Raphael is followed by a big black car.

They chase him down the street with a bunch of energy weapons, but use the same restraint field that they used to kidnap Michelangelo and drag him away.

Once they get back to the shop, Leonardo and Donatello figure out that Raphael has been taken too... and they don’t try to raise him on his Turtle Com, for some reason. Instead, Leonardo decides to do what he typically does in any bad situation: ask Splinter what they should do.

Splinter figures that kidnapping two of the Turtles is effectively proof that Vivaldi is in league with Shredder, though they can’t figure out what’s in it for Shredder, since he doesn’t usually get involved with mob stuff and doesn’t like sharing his stuff.

Donatello figures that it must have been something at the antique shop, which.... is true, if a little obvious. People don’t usually smash up antique stores just for the yuks.

Splinter decides to join them in the search while Donatello keeps narrating, and they almost immediately stumble across Vivaldi robbing another store.

A shootout starts that isn’t going well for the Turtles, so Splinter attempts to draw the fire away, only to get caught in the restraining beam. Leonardo tries to free him, but gets caught as well instead.

Splinter orders Donatello to run, despite his reluctance, and when Donatello does, Vivaldi shoots a house next to him and collapses it on top of the Turtle. The effect of these things is pretty broad, isn’t it? Sometimes they just knock a person backwards, and other times they can demolish whole buildings with a single shot.

Vivaldi assumes that Donatello is dead, and drives off.

Of course, he isn’t. He climbs out of the pile of fallen bricks after a minute and limps away to Channel 6, and if that place is your last hope, you are well and truly boned. It’s basically a 24/7 crisis clinic run by a ranting firing-happy loon who keeps his staff in a perpetual fog of fear.

Speaking of Burne, he’s talking April into covering the current crisis, buttering her up and acting like it’s skill alone. Vernon also admits that everyone else is too scared to cover it.

Irma is negotiating date possibilities when Donatello basically falls flat in front of her.

She puts him on a chair and goes to fetch April, who wraps him in a blanket and listens to how things have royally gone to hell. That pretty much guarantees that April herself will be his sidekick for the rest of the episode, because nobody else is left.

So they decide to go to the Meat-Rack, which was mentioned at the episode’s beginning but not when they were trying to find Michelangelo. And sure enough, in the back of the club Vivaldi is talking to Shredder.

Shredder is in a typically bad mood, pointing out that he’s given Vivaldi lots of weapons but Vivaldi hasn’t provided the Maltese Hamster. Does that mean the episode will end with the bad guys chipping lead off a fake figurine and heading off to find the real one?

And here’s where things get silly: one of the devices Shredder gave them is a machine capable of magnetically attracting specific objects.... like antiques. Not even a specific kind, just all of them. 

There are so many issues with this plot point. The sheer number would make it nearly impossible to sift through, especially since we’re talking about antiques owned by people as well as sold. And no, in case you’re wondering, the antique in question is NOT affected by this device, even though it’s protected by a single indifferent teenage boy on a bicycle. Also... a machine that can draw in all antiques? REALLY?

I think I’m gonna to-be-continued this one.

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E03 - Attack of the 50-foot Irma

Yay! Irma gets something to do other than fixate on the Turtles because they’re male!

Despite having established bedrooms that have been seen several times, the Turtles are sleeping in the old quadruple bunk yet again. Or rather, three of them are. Michelangelo is doing something with streamers, which sounds like a euphemism for something, but isn’t.

Unfortunately, he accidentally causes Donatello to sneeze, topples his ladder, falls on top of Donatello, and the bunk beds collapse like a house of cards. 

They jump to the conclusion that they’re under attack from Shredder, despite Michelangelo loudly yelling as he went down, and the fact that a guy with blades on his hands won’t bother trying to break their bed before he kills them.

Also, Michelangelo has put up decorations for Irma’s birthday... in their sleeping area. Michelangelo, you’re going to give the dim woman mixed signals. Donatello will in a later episode have to specify his exact word meaning because she reads too much into the words “I need you.” Throwing her a birthday party in your bedroom will just give her the wrong idea.

Actually, why isn’t April throwing this party? Not only does she not live in a secret location, but she has spent more than ten minutes around Irma.

Speaking of April, she’s covering a meteorite strike at the planetarium. Methinks it would be news if a meteorite struck anywhere in New York, because... well, when large rocks hit the ground, they hit it with tremendous force.

She’s speaking to Dr. Mustache here, who says thatt he meteorite’s core is made out of something called exoboron. Half is being stored in a vault, and the other hand is being trotted out for this broadcast.

Also, Shredder is lurking about twenty feet away.

I know he’s a ninja, but somebody really ought to have seen him there.

He sprays some kind of mist through the room which causes everyone to cough violently, and then very blatantly takes the meteorite. On live television. 

So much for stealth.

The Turtles try to run out the door, but Splinter inexplicably stops them because “Nothing will be gained by running around like a turtle with its head cut off.” But that’s what they do whenever something like this happens! Why is this one time different?

Shredder brings the meteorite to Krang, who is typically pleasant about it. It turns out he wants the stuff to power an enlarging ray, which will enlarge whatever uses it six times their normal size. He wants to use it on Shredder, because everybody needs a guinea pig.

So they decide to try it out in a confined space on the Technodrome, with no easy way to get him out of the Technodrome if he grows enormous. It goes well.

So having established that it does indeed work, Krang turns him back to normal.

In other important character details, Irma is on a diet and is slowly going insane from what appears to be sugar cravings. 

April tries to chase her down, only to be confronted by one of Shredder’s modules, and then gets caught on top of the exoboron probe.

How did that thing drill up? It has a zappy ray for enlarging things, not a drill. 

April does what she does in every situation and immediately calls the Turtles because she can’t jump the relatively short distance to the ground. They come to help her from this unspecified  peril, and for some reason Michelangelo is standing at an odd angle throughout this shot.

It’s like he’s looking at a tilted picture on the wall.

Anyway, the probe is having trouble firing because April is actually climbing up it instead of down. “I’m in trouble, so I’m going to get MORE in trouble!”

Just then Irma reappears with two ice cream cones. Yes, she was in the ice cream shop, and NOT the alley as April assumed. The Turtles also appear out of nowhere (and from different locations) to save April, but the enlarging ray goes off and hits... Irma. That diet won’t help ya now.

Oh, and remember how Shredder started having body parts expand almost immediately? Irma does not. She just laments that the ray melted all her ice cream.

Shredder leaves, and Leonardo’s brilliant idea is to “follow him.” Down a hole that leads five miles through the Earth’s crust and mantle? Fortunately the hole fills with lava before they can do anything further.

Back at Channel 6, Irma and Vernon are looking for files in some really disorganized junk room when Irma’s arms and feet start expanding. Not dramatically like Shredder’s, just a few inches. And yes, her shoes do too.

Then she goes full Alice in Wonderland. From the book, dammit, the book.

April calls the Turtles after seeing a ten-foot-tall hole in the wall, but Donatello has managed to piece together what’s happening, and knows that the “monster” that was in there was actually Irma.

Krang demands the rest of the meteorite, and predicts that the Turtles will be busy dealing with Irma, who is now taller than many buildings. Due to her natural clumsiness, she trashes everything around her.

The Turtles have the misfortune to be following Irma, only to end up careening towards a pair of giant live cables that Irma knocked loose. Yes, their brakes died just then.

Donatello manages to stop the van just a little short of the wires, and the other three Turtles head to the roof to fix the sparking cables. How bout you leave that to the pros and focus on fixing your brakes?

Irma has a little breakdown just then, crying and declaring that she’ll never be normal again. As if that weren’t bad enough, the military is being called out to deal with Irma. Because that is America’s way: deem it a threat and fucking shoot at it.

So where do they hide Irma?

No, I have no idea how they have the resources to get this kind of place for Irma, or how Leonardo just happened to know of a vacant hangar.

Donatello can’t come up with a cure without more exoboron, so Aprilinforms him that the rest of the meteorite is in the planetarium vault.

Krang can apparently track the Turtle Van. Don’t ask how.

The Turtles show up at the planetarium disguise, claiming to be military and wearing what look like welding masks.

Fortunately the scientist doesn’t ask for identification or anything like that, and just takes them straight to the meteorite. Which I think Donatello wants to kiss.

Just then Shredder bursts in, and a fight full of planetary model usage breaks out. Fortunately, Donatello manages to catch his precious.

But before they can chase down Shredder and his mutants, April calls to reveal that Irma has woken up, and is wandering off towards NYC in search of food.

They could always placate her with offerings of fish, like they did in that fucking awful Godzilla movie. By morning, she’s wandering through the streets mumbling about food like some kind of hypoglycemic zombie.

Donatello is creating a ginormous pill filled with the exoboron... and I have no idea where he got a giant capsule large enough to fit a dog in. It’s just one of those things he seems to HAVE.

Unfortunately, the army is sending tanks to presumably blow holes in her ankles. And Vernon is chasing after them, practically salivating at the idea of covering Irma being killed by the military.

Donatello brings her the pill and tells her that it could turn her back to normal... but she refuses to take it, because she only takes pills mixed in with ice cream. 

I am not fucking kidding you. That is an actual obstacle in the climax of the story: the fact that a grown woman won’t just dry-swallow a pill. So Michelangelo somehow produces an ice cream cart from thin air, and they start mixing the pill with the ice cream in a cement mixer... which I assume is empty, but I can’t be sure of that.

“What’s happening? I’m shrinking!” Isn’t “What’s happpening?” more a question for when you initially start growing, not when you’re going back to normal?

The Turtles celebrate, and by the time Vernon shows up Irma has been reduced to her normal height.

That evening they’re all at Irma’s birthday party, and I’m still not sure why the Turtles are hosting this, since they only really interacted with Irma in one previous episode.

VERDICT:

This is a very average episode. I don’t mean average in general, but average for the series, in that nothing in it really stands out as particularly good or bad. You have Krang and Shredder scheming something that goes awry, some comic-book science, mayhem, and the Turtles finally fixing everything due to Donatello being a scientific polymath. It’s an episode that can be enjoyed completely for what it is, but you likely won’t list it as a favorite or anything.

They missed a bit of an opportunity when it came to the Turtles’ relationship with Irma. Since they only really dealt with her on one previous occasion, this could have been used as a chance for them to get to know her, rather than acting like they were friends all along.

Gotta say, though, it was nice to have Irma in an episode without the joke being that she’s man-hungry. The joke here was that she was hungry, full stop. Speaking of which, I need a snack.

GRADE: C

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E02 - Turtles on Trial

Not much to prelude here, except that I think this is when the Turtles officially drop any pretense of being secretive figures. Like, obviously people knew about them, but this takes them to a whole new level of visibility.

So Raphael, Leonardo and Donatello are watching professional wrestling, because this is an all-male household. Up next, they’ll take turns leaving the toilet seat up.

But then Michelangelo ducks in and interrupts their viewing experience, apparently because democratic TV selection is not something they do. He declares that wrestling is boring, and he wants to watch a TV show called On Trial With Clayton Kellerman, which is basically a foul-mouthed douchebag ranting at an audience of douchebags about things he hates. It’s kind of like presidential speeches.

But then Kellerman starts talking about THEM just as April comes in with a box, and the audience is practically frothing at the mouth. The Turtles are understandably very disturbed by this, although given their prior cynicism about humans, you’d think it wouldn’t be that shocking.

April dismisses Kellerman, and gives them a special new present: nightmares!

Specifically, masks that fit over their faces and make them look humans... like humans with green hands and flappy loose necks. Michelangelo has the reaction any normal person would at the sight of what looks like a person’s flayed face: he shrieks, drops it and leaps into Leonardo’s arms.

The other Turtles aren’t too impressed either, especially Raphael: “Now we don’t look like mutant turtles.” “Yeah, we look like mutant turtles wearing people masks.”

Not sure why they need these, technically. They go about their business without masks for most of the series, and as long as they throw on a hat, coat, sweater or something, people just accept them.

Meanwhile, Shredder has fouled up so massively that we didn’t even see his defeat, but it apparently happened. The Technodrome’s refrigeration units are currently down, which makes it quite toasty. Shredder snaps that if it’s so easy to defeat the Turtles, Krang should just do it himself, which he decides to do.

The Turtles are eating pizza with April when a jewelry store is robbed, causing them to cast off their masks and apprehend the bad guys. But then a small mob starts forming. A very small mob, but an enthusiastic one, who lambast them for.... existing.

So they flee down the nearest manhole cover, where Donatello says that it was Kellerman’s fault, and ominously adds, “We should do something about him.” I don’t think they meant it to sound like Donatello is going to assassinate him in the dead of night, but they sort of did.

Leonardo asks if April can get them some On Trial airtime so they can defend themselves from these allegations. I can see why, but it makes him look a little naive to think that a fair-minded approach would be welcomed by a show, host, producers and audience who celebrate crapping on others. Like, it’s not a matter of not understanding; it’s a matter of loathing for its own sake.

Krang happens to see a TV broadcast announcing the Turtles appearing on On Trial, which delights him.

Kellerman is of course overjoyed at the idea of tormenting the Turtles on live TV, although he’s disappointed that they’ll be broadcasting from the basement.

Also, Michelangelo has stage fright.

The Turtles head off with April to the studio so they’ll be there early, and I’m not sure why she hasn’t warned them ahead of time that Kellerman is anticipating frying them alive.

Krang has meanwhile found the “perfect weapon” to kill the Turtles with: a giant robot mecha.

Also, for something very low on power, the Technodrome has no problems moving from one still-image location to another.

Seeing that mecha causes Shredder to go into full whiny bitch mode; even though he earlier challenged Krang to kill the Turtles, he now bitches and moans about how the Turtles are HIS enemies and HE deserves to get rid of them once and for all. So he gets assigned “distraction.”

The Turtles are en route to Channel 6 when they receive news from Splinter of Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady breaking shit at a museum.

And because Donatello’s unusually aggressive today, the amphibian exhibit being shattered gets him mad enough to go on a solo attack.

While the Turtles are fighting Shredder, Krang and rock soldiers break into a base and... hang the soldiers up on a pipe. I know the series isn’t allowed any kind of serious violence, but at least hold them at laser gunpoint. He steals first the stuff that will allow them to turn on the air conditioners, and then the giant mecha (which happens to be in the same room).

Oh, and its main armament? Stun rays. It will later be seen blowing the side off a building, but don’t actually think people will get hurt. 

Back in the distraction fight, Leonardo scares Bebop with his own reflection.

And Michelangelo dons knight’s armor in order to attack Shredder when the latter has a crossbow. Yes, most of his body is still exposed, but Shredder doesn’t aim at any of that.

As if all of this wasn’t bad enough PR, outside Vernon spots them while they’re fighting, and a crowd has gathered to watch the highly destructive fight.

Burne and Kellerman are delighted, of course, because this will ensure huge ratings.

And since nothing seems to be going on in the fight anymore, Shredder of course grabs April, resulting in this little exchange: “He’s got April!” “I’ve always admired your quick grasp of the situation!”

The Turtles are forced to disarm, and Bebop and Rocksteady come charging toward them... and no, Shredder doesn’t use that crossbow with the bolt ready to fire.

Just then, Krang calls and tells Shredder to piss off, because he’s killing the Turtles and nobody else. And Shredder.... jumps up and down and shrieks that he won’t.

Not kidding. He tops it off by declaring that Krang never lets him have any fun. I know Shredder has lost a lot of menace since his first appearances, but he seems to have morphed into a four-year-old.

Amazingly, neither the Turtles nor Bebop and Rocksteady seems to have heard this little exchange... hell, April is right next to him, and she barely seems aware of anything more than “Krang wants to kill you too.” You’d think that Raphael could mine the hilarity of Shredder’s foot-stomping tantrum for WEEKS.

So the Turtles hustle to Channel 6′s basement and line up in front of the camera like they’re facing a firing squad. Only more nervous.

And I’m not joking. Michelangelo is visibly shaking and fidgeting with his chucks, and he screams out loud when a light goes on.

So the show starts live... dunno why the TV stuff in this show is always completely live, with no lag time or pre-recordings. I mean, some of that sort of thing is live, as evidenced by all those news bloopers you can find of people accidentally swearing or having trouble with dogs, but not everything is.

Also, doing this sort of thing in advance allows you to edit together different video recordings, rather than just having someone sit in a studio and talk to a small TV that the audience won’t be able to see clearly.

Things go badly right out of the starting gate, with Kellerman accusing them of being cowards, and Donatello choking so hard that he pulls his own neck open like a collar.

Visibly and audibly gagging on your own words is not a good way to come across as not cowardly.

It doesn’t help that Leonardo’s defense of the whole battle in the natural history museum sounds both ineffectual and a little insane, since he mentions that they’re trying to save the world from an invasion by an alien brain from Dimension X. It might be true, but he probably shouldn’t say it to the general public.

Raphael seems to be the only one who is managing to keep himself together in all this, but overall Kellerman seems to be winning this debate.

Meanwhile, Shredder went all the way back to the Technodrome... just so he could decide to go back to the surface. Make up yer friggin’ mind!

“And if you’re such nice guys, how come you carry weapons?” Well, you just got on the bad side of every single cop, security guard, soldier, etc on the planet. Hell, you could argue that anyone with Mace or a self-defense baton is carrying a weapon. Even a pocketknife could be lethal.

Michelangelo has just gotten mad enough to overcome his stagefright when the whole building shakes. It’s Krang, high on mecha power.

Remember: it apparently can’t do more than stun, but it CAN scalp a building’s concrete outcroppings and blast holes in the walls.

The Turtles run out to confront him, and are immediately put on the run.

Kellerman then sticks his head out the window, and starts yelling at the giant robotic vehicle to stop ruining his show. They haven’t invented a word for how clueless this guy is.

Krang responds by blasting the guy out the window, and Michelangelo catches him.

The guy expresses surprise just before poor Michelangelo gets a bolt of energy full-on in the chest, which mainly seems to concern Donatello.

It just occurred to me: where is the studio audience? Shouldn’t the jeering half-wits be a little curious about the tiny war going on outside the building?

Michelangelo trips up the robot by lassoing its legs, and Donatello tips it forward onto the module. 

This thing is pretty weaksauce for a secret government mecha device.

And as the final indignity, Krang crawls out and immediately gets himself stuck on a piece of chewing gum, from which Shredder has to yank him.

I’m having trouble figuring out who is looking less dignified in this episode, Shredder or Krang... hmm, still Shredder.

Kellerman expresses surprise that the Turtles saved him. Leonardo appeals to him to just tell the truth about them... and is bluntly told that he’s going to keep trashing them in order to maintain his reputation as a scumbag.

And as the final indignity, April’s camera was damaged in the fight, so she lost all footage of them being all heroic and shit.

So the episode actually ends on kind of a downer note, with Donatello lamenting, “Our name is still mud in this city!” and the Turtles wandering off into the night to lick their injured egos.

VERDICT:

This is one of those episodes where it feels like somebody had an idea, and they didn’t really think it out that well, but it got made into an episode anyway. It’s the sort of episode that sadly cropped up a lot in the third through fifth seasons, when they were churning out as many episodes as humanly possible, and thus quantity became a priority over quality.

Really, most of the episode is either made up of distraction-based fights with Shredder (which drag on way too long for mere distractions) or the Turtles getting anxious about being on TV/what’s being said on TV.

So it’s not very complex, and there really isn’t much substance to hang onto except for how the Turtles respond to the novelty of being on TV, and the climactic battle with Krang. Even then, it mostly amounts to Donatello and Michelangelo choking up, and Leonardo being oddly naive about the possibility of changing Kellerman’s mind. Rather than giving April an exclusive interview or something, which would provide a more balanced forum, they jump in the cesspit.

And yeah, the bit with Shredder was kind of pitiful. It’s not the most indignity he’ll suffer, but it’s kind of hard to see him as menacing after he’s gone full angry toddler.

And I might be imagining things, but it feels like Kellerman was based on someone specific. 

Grade: D+

[satireknight]

TMNT S03E01

So when we last visited the green quartet, they had just successfully sent Shredder, Krang and the Technodrome down to the center of the Earth. So it’s time for more personal drama, focusing on their relationship with Splinter!

So this time it opens with them messing around: Raphael is watching TV, Michelangelo is cooking pizza, Leonardo is reading, and Donatello is doing something to a robot tortoise. Don’t ask me what.

Splinter then comes in and asks why the hell they’re not doing their katas, and Donatello and Leonardo respond by saying that they’re taking some vacation time. This makes Splinter so mad that he name-drops Sacajawea and tosses them around like rag dolls, to demonstrate that “you are losing your fighting edge, my Turtles. Were it Shredder who attacked you, he would not have been so lenient!”

The Turtles don’t really think that’s something to worry about, since Shredder was last seen hanging by his cape under the Earth’s crust. But Splinter won’t assume that Shredder is finished without proof, and he thinks they also should consider fighting other crimes than just Shredder. So they end up doing double the amount of exercises.

The Technodrome, meanwhile, has somehow gotten onto a solid rock ledge in a cavern instead of floating in lava and slowly dissolving.

Krang reveals that they’re very low on power, and some of their electronic equipment needs replacing. Also, the Protein Silicon Brain of their computer has “an owie,” to use his technical term. He knows of something that’ll fix it, but Shredder will need to get up to the surface to do it.

Meanwhile, the Turtles are all worn out from doing six hours of exercises, plus patrolling the streets. I can only speculate how extensive their training must be if all their daily exercises take three hours!

Then Michelangelo spots a really tasteless-sounding kung-fu movie airing at a theater nearby, and asks if they can go watch it. Leonardo’s not exactly sure about the idea, since Splinter is working them hard and strict, but they manage to convince him that they deserve a night off from their duties.

“Four tickets, please.” “Did you say four?” Yes, four, like the number of people standing in front of you. This woman is a genius.

Donatello anticipates cell-phone etiquette by several years by switching off his Turtle-Com for the movie, which Leonardo is also not okay with, because a crisis might come up. But Michelangelo argues that the world can keep going without them for one evening.

Splinter of course notices that the Turtles are late that evening, and doesn’t get a signal from their Turtle Coms. In a nice quiet moment, he just hopes that nothing bad has happened to them, and despite their recent conflicts, doesn’t assume they’re slacking off.

Meanwhile, April is covering a press conference for a device called the Medi-Laser when Splinter contacts her. She kind of brushes him off because of her job, and Vernon is a sexist douche about it. 

So while Beardy McNarrowhead is showing off his super-advanced all-purpose healing gun, Shredder and his mutants burst right in and take it. April immediately calls the Turtles (apparently on reflex, since Splinter wasn’t able to contact them) but they don’t hear their communicators over the movie noise. So she contacts Splinter instead.

Also, Dr. Beardy laments that the prototype is the only one in the world. Remember this.

The Turtles finally finish their movie and discuss the idea of a movie made about them... and remember this was airing in late 1989, so presumably the people behind it were aware that a live-action movie version was in the works for the following spring. Leonardo tries to do the responsible thing and check in with Splinter, only to be dragged off to a nearby pizza place by the other three.

Splinter, meanwhile, seems to be cluing in on why the Turtles are incommunicado, since he says that either their communicators are broken, or they’re turned off. You can tell he thinks the second option is more plausible than all four happening to break at the same time.

“Just as I feared. Shredder is alive, and back on Earth.” Uh, he’s been back on Earth for a season now.

Funny moment: Splinter deduces that someone has just come from a hospital because he smells traces of disinfectant... and oh yeah, there’s a double-parked ambulance. Which raises the question: Why didn’t Shredder and Co. just arrive at the hospital to begin with?

He orders her to stay outside because it might be dangerous, and for once April actually listens to that argument. I guess it sounds more convincing from Splinter.

He completely wipes the floor with Rocksteady and Bebop, but Shredder blasts him with the Medi-Laser on its reverse polarity, which he says is as deadly as the opposite is healing. Um, why did the scientist create a “kill” function on the Medi-laser? Was he anticipating having to cause brain damage?

But before he passes out, Splinter throws his walking stick and knocks something loose from the Medi-Laser.

The villains flee the place, and a large amount of lava comes up and hardens on the floor. Well, that component is now buried.

The Turtles come home and find April caring for a comatose Splinter.

Donatello speculates that Splinter would be saved if they use the same device on reverse frequency. The Turtles also start self-flagellating over their night off, but Leonardo says they’ll have time to blame themselves later, after they’ve gotten the device back from Shredder.

Speaking of Shredder, Krang is actually happy to see him when he sees the Medi-Laser. 

It doesn’t last. As soon as he tries to use it, it starts firing randomly.

Turns out it’s impossible to aim the thing without the doohickey that Splinter knocked loose... because just walking up to the target and jamming the muzzle against it would apparently not work. 

The Turtles, meanwhile, spot someone in a long purple cape and come up with weapons at the ready. 

“Oh, sorry sir. We thought you were someone else.” How does Leonardo manage to sound so aw-shucksy when he just tried to murder a guy with a friggin’ sword? And yes, he was bringing that sword towards the guy’s head!

They consult with April again, who brings out the Directional Control Module doohickey, which she found on the floor and had the presence of mind to put in her pocket. And somehow Donatello recognizes what it is immediately, despite never having seen the Medi-Laser.

Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady start searching for the DCM, and not only is it not there, but Shredder notices that Splinter’s body is also missing. So he decides to draw out the Turtles - whom he assumes have the DCM - by having Rocksteady and Bebop create a little havoc.

The Turtles, meanwhile, are busy freaking out over Splinter’s condition, which is totally understandable. Donatello’s even worried that he might die. Then Raphael contacts them from the blimp to announce that Bebop and Rocksteady are trashing the park.

There’s also a little attempted humor here with Michelangelo talking about using “Yabba Dabba Doo” as his new catchphrase instead of “Cowabunga.” It’s not funny and it feels out of place, since the Turtles were angsting about Splinter’s condition maybe thirty seconds ago.

They arrive and start fighting, and after Raphael throws a smoke bomb at the two mutants they dive into the water and escape. Apparently Shredder’s clever plan is just to... follow them home and take the tiny piece of metal that they could have hidden anywhere. If following them home was such a priority, then why hasn’t he done it before?

He also has a poisonous gas grenade. Not sure why he’s never used that before.

Oh, and the evil ninja master? His idea of stealth is to walk about twenty feet behind the Turtles in plain sight.

They would probably be able to HEAR him coming.

Fortunately Leonardo decides to randomly take out one of his swords and look in its reflection, allowing him to see the villains following them.

And... really, Donatello? You brought the one thing Shredder wants along with you, instead of stashing it at home with Splinter?

In fact, Shredder is immediately inspired to fight them when he sees that they have the module.

Also, that gas grenade? Donatello bats it away and it doesn’t hurt anyone. 

Raphael successfully gets the Medi-Laser away from Shredder, and Donatello knocks him down an open drain, but he’s now got the DCM. Oops. So, why don’t they go get the DCM from Shredder, who is right nearby?

Shredder happens to glance at a newspaper that fell on Bebop’s head, which just happens to declare that a new Medi-laser has been built. Well, that was fast. I guess there only being one prototype doesn’t make that much difference after all, because they cobbled another one together in like, a day.

Meanwhile, Donatello is trying to hotwire the Medi-Laser into working for him, while the other three just sit by Splinter’s bedside and look anxious.

But they hear on the TV that a new med-laser has been built, and Leonardo correctly guesses that Shredder has the same idea that they have. Unfortunately Shredder has already gotten there and stolen it, which suggests that maybe the hospital should stop publicizing the release of their stupid inventions. However, the Turtles are right there too.

More fighting and mild humiliation ensues in the sewers.

Shredder attempts to kill Leonardo with another reverse-frequency blast from the Medi-Laser, but if you watch this series you know that every kind of energy blast can be immediately stopped by a pair of swords held in front of your face.

The main behind Shredder bursts, and he’s washed away in a flood of water, with Michelangelo knocking the MediLaser out of his hands as he floats by.

They head back to the lair and fire the Medi-Laser at Splinter, who revives almost immediately.

April volunteers to take the stolen Medi-Laser back... which will probably provoke awkward questions about how exactly she got it from the guy who stole it. She also demands a moral for the episode, even though I think it’s pretty obvious what it was.

Also, after the day (night?) he’s had, Shredder has finally had enough of Krang’s crackly voice.

“Sometimes I don’t know who I detest more, the Turtles or YOU.” You can tell he’s not happy because he didn’t just engage in an insult contest with Krang.

VERDICT:

This was just a solid all-around episode. I really like episodes that address the Turtles’ relationship with Splinter, and this one plays a lot into the parental/child roles that they have, even if the series inexplicably removed the actual family relationships. Still not sure why they did that. But the echoes of it are still there, with Splinter as the stern, guiding paternal influence and the Turtles... well, acting like teenagers. Even the most responsible ones can get kinda stupid.

The story itself is a pretty straightforward one, with the Turtles and Shredder fighting over items that both of them want/need for their own reasons. Fight scenes, attempts at traps, etc. But making the conflict ultimately all about Splinter’s life being on the line makes the conflict feel much more personal and important than just thwarting the villain, and it affects the characters on a deeper level when they fail or stumble.

The animation is also better than it was in the last episode, and a lot of scenes are given a somewhat darker tone. Hell, the entire thing seems to take place at night, which further makes it feel moodier.

What I could’ve done without? Some of the attempts at humor, and the moral at the end. I think even the most obtuse child could understand that slacking off when you’re supposed to be responsible = bad without being told.

GRADE: B+

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E13 - Return of the Technodrome

It’s been a whole season - not a long one, but a season - since the Technodrome went sailing into Dimension X, and Shredder had to spend several episodes trying desperately to impress Krang into helping him.

So whatcha say that giant white ball cause more trouble?

It’s a slow day at Channel 6, which basically means that there hasn’t been a world-threatening crisis in the past six hours, and Burne Thompson is probably threatening to fire everything in the building, including his potted plant. You know, the staff at this building must have pure Valium running through their veins, or they’d constantly be on the verge of nervous collapse.

Burne demands that April go out and “make” news, whatever that means. Should she somehow produce a natural disaster? Commit a crime?

Irma reeeeeaaally wants to see the Turtles again, implicitly because they’re male and didn’t run at the sight of her. April tries to brush her off despite Irma having actually collaborated with them in the last episode. “Irma, the Turtles are NOT the most exciting thing in my life!” Yes, they are. 

Meanwhile, Splinter is going off on a retreat, and Donatello is wearing pink for some reason.

April pops in to ask if there’s anything interesting happening that she can exploit, and she’s so desperate that she even asks if Splinter leaving is something newsworthy.

Meanwhile, Krang has finally had enough of Shredder’s screwups, and is preparing to invade Earth. Wait, why does he want to invade Earth? I thought his priority at the end of last season was to conquer Dimension X, and it was SHREDDER who wanted to conquer Earth. Did Krang already do that, and now he wants a fresh challenge?

He sends Shredder a gadget intended to direct Niagara Falls’ energy towards opening a dimensional portal. And despite whining for one more chance to kill the Turtles a few minutes ago, Shredder is now ecstatic about the Technodrome’s return.

Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady all arrive at the power station, and the portal starts opening in the sky.

Meanwhile, the Turtles say goodbye to Master Splinter for the next few days, and it’s hard not to notice something odd about Donatello.

Yep, for most of this episode he doesn’t have his wristbands on. No reason is ever given, and it’s more consistent than just an occasional animation error; it’s almost all the time. So we should just assume that he’s shamelessly flaunting his naked wrists at us.

But just as they’re about to head home, two things happen: April calls, and Leonardo gains fifty pounds in his gut.

They immediately deduce that the massive power outage in New York is actually the work of Shredder... which really doesn’t take much effort, since he is the main villain of the series. 

The Technodrome is rapidly charging up, and Krang decides to be uncharacteristically nice and send Shredder some Foot Soldiers and Rock Soldiers. Did someone slip him some antidepressants?

Meanwhile, Donatello apparently hacks into Shredder’s communicator at long-distance with one little knob. If you need proof of technical genius, this is it. Also, no wristbands.

And despite saying he can’t make out the transmission, he manages to hear EVERYTHING they say. They charge out of there on the Turtle Blimp, and Leonardo argues that they shouldn’t disturb Splinter because he’s been training them for this sort of crisis. True, but considering the importance of what’s going on, methinks he wouldn’t mind THAT much.

And it’s all moot anyway, as Splinter senses the whole mess and sets out to investigate.

And since the Turtles use the stealthiest of means to sneak in - a blimp with their name on it - Bebop spots them and shoots down the glider. 

They land right near the falls and are about to go over when Donatello uses a remote control function to lower the blimp towards them.

They manage to grab the one rope dangling from it, and be deposited on the shore. Bebop and the Foot Soldiers are completely missing from the shore now, which is a little weird. But that’s so Splinter can pop out of nowhere and greet them, and point out the giant glowy portal in mid-air.

Donatello comes up with a plan to cut off the power from the river/falls, and April’s idea for distracting the rock/Foot soldiers is... the sexy lady gambit. I’m not even kidding.

Even they look baffled by the idea. Donatello and Michelangelo attack and almost get squelched, but April manages to distract the easily redirected enemies. Again. For the second time in a minute.

Meanwhile, Leonardo and Raphael take on Rocksteady and yet more Foot/Rock Soldiers,

And this is Leonardo in full “you’re my bitch now” mode. Rocksteady throws him off and charges at the two Turtles, only to get a faceful of insta-sleep-stuff from Splinter.

And a layering issue too.

Donatello somehow manages to shut down the entire river... don’t ask me how... which cuts off the power to the portal. Krang has to compensate with extra power from his end, and the Technodrome heads right through towards Earth.

Krang immediately deploys more soldiers and vehicles to attack and surround the Turtles, who don’t have the faintest idea what they can do to save themselves.

Krang decides he wants to shoot the Turtles himself, using the Technodrome’s weaponry, and aims a giant laser at them... only for it to putter out without firing. While Krang swears that this has never happened before and he definitely doesn’t need pills, it turns out that he’s drained the Technodrome to the point where the weapons don’t work.

Also, that army there a few minutes ago? Gone now.

As they’re chased down by Bebop and Co, Leonardo (or Donatello, it’s hard to tell when the voices get switched) summons the blimp yet again.

And remember how earlier Bebop was able to bring down the glider with one shot? Now he and the Foot Soldiers can’t shoot the ENTIRE BLIMP with multiple shots.

“They’ve escaped again! Oh, this is getting VERY monotonous!” Shredder really calmed down fast there. Krang sucks in more of that sweet hydroelectric power, and reveals that he’s planning to create seismic events that will lead to New York being evacuated, then taking over it when everyone is gone and using it as a base of operations to conquer everything else.

He broadcasts a message commanding everyone to leave the city, and threatens a stronger quake that will level every building. As the Turtles rush out, Splinter says portentously, “And so begins the final battle.” Oh, you wish, Splinter. This show has six more seasons of battling these guys, plus a vacation side-season.

The Turtles track down the Technodrome once again, and we get an idea of just how huge it is.

Donatello blasts a hole in the Technodrome’s armor (after another I-swear-this-has-never-happened-before moment) and they head inside. Donatello is focused on stopping the earthquakes, but Splinter is busy having a Jedi moment.

Shredder also senses Splinter, and the two of them head off to fight. 

Donatello finds the control center and starts rewiring everything in it, while the other Turtles have to fight Rocksteady, Bebop and a bunch of Foot Soldiers.

“Hamato Yoshi is no longer. There is only Splinter.” I love consistent characterization. That wasn’t sarcasm; I love this moment. 

Back in the control room, the lights go out and there’s a bunch of fighting in the dark, and Donatello isn’t entirely sure he managed to fix the problem. Of course, he should have had plenty of time based on what happened to their foes.

Why did they tie up the Foot Soldiers? They’re robots. Just smash ‘em.

The city hasn’t been evacuated, so Krang tries to set off another earthquake. All that happens is that a giant laser blasts the bridge that Splinter and Shredder are standing on... 

... which forces Splinter to crawl up the platform vertically, and leaves Shredder hanging by his cape. That is the worst place for a laser EVER.

The Turtles have just escaped from the Technodrome when they realize that Splinter is still inside... how do they keep forgetting that?... just as their master comes springing out.

It turns out that Donatello’s rewiring has led to the Technodrome sinking right through the Earth’s crust, and Krang has no way to actually stop it.

I’m pretty sure landing in lava would melt it, but who cares? Krang is busy screaming that this is all Shredder’s fault (though I’m not sure how) as they float downstream on the magma.

VERDICT:

This is a nice solid episode with a heavy emphasis on action. It basically does what its title promises, returning the Technodrome while focusing on the Turtles’ efforts to stop it from conquering the Earth. So there’s a good failure/success balance for the Turtles here, with them encountering obstacles along the way that they aren’t entirely successful in dealing with - they don’t stop the Technodrome’s return, but they do manage to keep it from conquering the world.

So it’s a good episode for lots of fighting, lots of confrontations with Rocksteady and Bebop (who are actually pretty intimidating here), and Donatello doing techie stuff. I felt a little let down by the lack of a real fight between Splinter and Shredder at the end, but I guess there wasn’t really time for that.

It also establishes the new status quo for the series. After Shredder being on his own and the Technodrome and Krang being safely off in another dimension, now it’s immobilized down in the depths of the Earth, and Shredder has Krang in the same general area... you know, despite Krang not being very happy with him, but what else is new? From now on, these two are a package deal, wherever the Technodrome happens to be located (and it’s going to get complicated). 

One thing that was a little distracting was the animation flubs. I only touched on those, but certain scenes made the Turtles look either tubby or kinda childish. I’m still not sure why Donatello’s frequently-missing wristbands are an issue too, since this is rarely an issue in other episodes. Let’s just assume he accidentally splashed tomato sauce on them, and they’re in the wash.

Grade: B+

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E012 - The Catwoman from Channel 6

No, no jokes about Batman’s love interest. That is low-hanging fruit I choose not to pick. Probably. Maybe.

Splinter is trying to meditate, but is constantly distracted by the sound of the monster movies the Turtles are watching.

Splinter drops in to say that too much TV rots the mind and promotes violence.... so he says to the ninjas on a cartoon TV show. I can’t tell if the show is being ironically meta or not.

Meanwhile, Shredder has Rocksteady and Bebop standing on a transporter.

Yes, they call it a matter transporter, but I’m expecting someone to say “energize.” To demonstrate what it can do, he transports Rocksteady and Bebop straight to the city dump, where they are flushed down a giant pipe into the sewers... which is not how that system works, I think.

But guess where they pop up.

Unsurprisingly a fight breaks out immediately, with Rocksteady and Bebop trashing the place, including the TV set.

Shredder decides it’s time to teleport them back just then, as an orange cat comes in looking for head scritches and crawls all over the control panel. 

Rocksteady and Bebop are zapped back to where Shredder is, and the Turtles are left confused but relieved. Fortunately Bebop and Rocksteady have no idea how to backtrack to the Turtles’ lair, because they have six brain cells apiece.

The Turtles seem a little more concerned with the fact that their TV has been smashed, so they call April and tell her that they have an emergency, and that they need her to bring a spare TV set.

Splinter also fills her in on the fight with Bebop and Rocksteady, and she finds a carton of Chinese food from Woo’s Oriental Palace that one of the goons left behind. Apparnelty the idea of letting her go there alone is enough to stir the Turtles from their TV-induced fixation, because “That place is really bad!” “And the food is even worse.”

Woo’s turns out to be a restaurant almost entirely populated by Asian stereotypes of one flavor or another.

They also don’t take to April announcing she’s a TV reporter, so she lies and says she’s a food critic instead. They might hate her even more for that. She asks Woo if he has served two customers who look like a rhino and a warthog, and he unsurprisingly does remember such individuals. Methinks they would stick in your mind. He tells her where the food went to, and she heads off to an empty building at the end of the pier.

April finds the matter transporter immediately, and starts snapping photos.

Just then the orange cat comes in, steps on some buttons, and then scampers onto the transporter pad.

April feels really weird afterwards, and is horrified that her nails are just as pointy and claw-like as they were before.

She heads home and encounters Irma, while surrounded by a small herd of cats. She’s already acting weird, vocalizing a bit like a cat and referring to Irma as a human. And after Irma leaves, she decides to lap up some milk.

The Turtles, meanwhile, have also gone to Woo’s, and the mere sight of them is enough to inspire a fight with the patrons. 

April is still acting weird, and Irma is starting to clue in that there is something odd going on with her.

April blurts out a heavily truncated version of what happened to her, just as she fully transforms into a cat mutant.

Now she wants to go back to the transporter and somehow reverse what happened. Irma tries to stop her from leaving, but she just jumps out the nearest window.

Fortunately Irma finds her Turtle Com nearly, and is able to contact the Turtles, who unsurprisingly have zero idea who she is, but agree to meet her anyway. Also, that whole visit of theirs to Woo’s was just an excuse for a fight scene.

April gets back into the room with the transporter, but Shredder and his mutants have since returned.

Fortunately for him, Shredder happens to have a cage directly over where she’s standing. 

Meanwhile, Irma meets up with the Turtles, who are employing their usual trenchcoat disguises.

April seems to have gotten kinda muddle-brained from the whole mutation thing, but then Rocksteady plops a mind-control collar on her, which makes it all even worse.

Which raises the question: if that works on a cat-person, would it work on a regular person? The possibilities of this device are not being fully explored,  my friend. 

Anyway, he sends her after Splinter, and she decides to bring a tiger along for good measure. Or rather, she lets it wander off and corner the Turtles in an alley, prompting Donatello to ask, “April, is that you?” He must think she’s incredibly mad at them for the TV thing. The tiger tries to pounce on them, and nearly gets Donatello before he gets hoisted onto the fire escape.

And as if the theme of this episode wasn’t evident, look at the pillows and wall art.

Meanwhile, Splinter is wondering where the Turtles have gotten to when he sees the shadow of a cat on the wall, and freaks out.

He lets slip that he’s apparently afraid of cats, presumably because of the whole rat thing, but not necessarily. He’s trying to meditate away his nerves when the tiger and a mutated April appear... so I’m guessing, not successful. Actually, this is probably the kind of thing he has nightmares about.

The Turtles and Irma, meanwhile, are searching for the cat that was on the pad with April.... so it should take them a few decades to locate one stray cat. Raphael even points out how ridiculously against them the odds are.

Fortunately the cat finds them, and while it snuggles him, Donatello asks again, “Is that you, April?” Donatello, there was already a cat involved in all this. Try to keep up. And on the desperate-for-female-attention kick, Raphael seems oddly pissed when Donatello says that this proves he’s April’s favorite.

Splinter calls them just long enough to say he needs help, and Irma comments that the name “Splinter” sounds “cute.” Sigh. We almost made it through an episode without Irma being sad.

Splinter tries to talk April down, but the collar is affecting her mind.

Leonardo seems to have slightly better luck getting through to her, but the collar reasserts itself and causes her to start attacking Splinter once again. Leonardo dashes forward and cuts the collar right off.

Which, unfortunately, doesn’t deal with the tiger who seems to be in a perpetual state of pissiness. Fortunately, Michelangelo just happens to have a robot mouse on his person (why?) and manages to redirect the tiger into a nearby cage. Great, but how will the zoo authorities get it back without finding their lair?

The whole matter transporter plot thread needs to be tied up, so Rocksteady and Bebop chase a mouse onto it, lightly strike the pad and cause the entire machine to explode. Damn, Dimension X tech is fragile.

Meanwhile, April has just... sort of gone back to normal. Yeah, the Turtles don’t have to do anything to restore her to her human form; she just gets over it. This is the biggest disappointment in the episode, IMHO, because it feels like a cop out. Much is made of how she has to reverse the transformation, but it turns out she just needed to sit in her apartment and eat tuna for a weekend.

Irma then shows up... don’t ask me how she knew where their lair was... because hse’s convinced herself that Splinter is her dream man. Amazingly, Splinter is NOT having a complete nervous breakdown over the events of the last day, and comes in just in time to horrify her.

VERDICT:

This one gets a stamp of “okay.” It might have ranked a little higher if the resolution of April’s whole catness hadn’t been resolved with “She got over it, end of story.” But the fact that the main problem of the plot was handled so limply just left a bad taste in my mouth.

Is this the second episode to make reference to The Fly?

Actually, there are a few elements of the story that feel like they were never really dealt with. For instance, the Turtles’ fixation on their monster movies felt a little artificial, since they didn’t seem to care that their secret home had been invaded so much as that their TV was smashed. And it just sort of petered out, since they stop watching TV and never start again.

Admittedly it was interesting to see Irma interacting with the Turtles, since she’s been talking about them for several episodes (first with disbelief and then with increasing interest). She’s a very different character from April, so it was interesting to see a different dynamic there.

Grade: C

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E11 - Teenagers from Dimension X

I’m having deja vu. I seem to remember reviewing this episode before... wait, no, that one had “Hot-rodding” in the title, so it’s otherwise completely different.

And yes, it’s time for more Neutrinos. Whee.

The Turtles are watching a monster movie, which of course prompts a discussion about movie romance, which somehow leads to a discussion about Kala, the Neutrino girl Michelangelo developed a crush on after exchanging maybe six words.

They also somehow managed to exchange glossy photos in the space of a few hours, most of which was spent saving the world and messing around at arcades. Yes, that still bugs me. I’m pedantic.

And then we cut back to the Neutrinos and ARRRGUUUGGGHHHH THEIR VOICES. Kala in particular sounds like a laryngitic who swallowed a dose of helium. They decide to go into the Technodrome for no particular reason except thrillseeking, and then start listening in on Krang’s messages.

It turns out he’s giving Shredder yet another device to deal with the Turtles, this being a Mental Neutralizer that will turn them into zombies. Mindless, that is, not rotting. And by the freakiest of coincidences, it is also functioning on the same frequency as the Neutrinos’ car.

So the Neutrinos open their own portal to Earth and zip on through, hoping to warn the Turtles.

Since they have no idea where the Turtles are... despite having been to their lair... the Neutrinos decide to buzz the Channel 6 building and get themselves noticed. Remember this in every future episode when people are skeptical or shocked by the idea of aliens.

Burne not unreasonably wants people to actually start filming the flying alien car outside the window, but April is busy going off to tell the Turtles what’s going on. Then she actually gets around to reporting what’s happening, even though the entire story is “There’s a car flying around our building.” 

Shredder, Rocksteady and Bebop all see the coverage and rush off to deal with the Neutrinos.

The Turtles arrive in their blimp and say hi, which is said with such enthusiasm that Raphael starts speaking in someone else’s voice.

But before they can finish talking, the Neutrinos are shot down by Shredder and kidnapped. The Turtles pursue, but somehow the glider just refuses to do what they want and they crash.

Michelangelo’s anxiety gets to the point where Splinter advises him to meditate, but that’s ruined when Donatello zooms in on a motorized skateboard. He’s also created a tracking device that can follow the Neutrinos by their extradimensional... auras. Whatever that means.

“... and it cost practically nothing to build.” Does that mean his inventions usually DO cost a lot? Actually, where do they get money from in the first place?

Meanwhile, Shredder flips out when he discovers the Neutrinos’ starmobile has the hypersignal similar to that of the Neutralizer, and demands that Rocksteady and Bebop get it. Problem is, it got towed. Yes, they actually towed an alien spacecraft, no joke.

Then the Turtles arrive, because Shredder made the mistake of saying “What else can go wrong?”

A fight breaks out and the Turtles aren’t doing too well, until Dask switches the power of the roller coaster on. Did I mention they’re at a defunct fairground? Anyway, Shredder and his mutants are temporarily carried off, which allows for more of Michelangelo acting all moony.

They then head to the auto impound yard... I still can’t believe that... to recover the Starmobile, and arrive just as Shredder does. In fact, they manage to drive directly over Raphael’s head, somehow, and then emerge from the ground without even glancing at him.

I almost feel sorry for Shredder. They’re not taking him seriously at ALL. So the Neutrinos and Turtles fly off in the starmobile, while Shredder quietly laments the unfairness of the universe.

However, it turns out the starmobile is broken: the trilithium crystal that powers it is cracked, meaning they’re stuck on Earth for the foreseeable future. I seem to remember trilithium being something highly explosive in Star Trek, but I’m pretty sure that came a bit later.

Please, make Kala stop talking. Her voice makes my throat have sympathy pains.

To fix it, they’d need a particle accelerator, and Leonardo happens to know the location of one. Um, it would be pushing it to have Donatello know, but Leonardo of all people just happens to know of one they can use? The Convenience Fairy is beating the plot with her wand.

So they land in a crappy, ruinous slum in the middle of nowhere, scuttle into an underground facility... and find a particle accelerator. Why not find the lost treasure of El Dorado at the same time? It seems equally likely.

So they put the crystal, which has shrunk to about half its former size, inside the particle accelerator and it starts getting all glowy. Too glowy, in fact! It’s gonna esplode!

Since Shredder currently has no way of knowing where anybody is, Krang calls him up and announces that the Turtles fixing the crystal created such an energy surge that it was detectable from Dimension X. Fuck. What exactly were they doing?

Oh, and remember that imminent explosion and radioactive cloud? Donatello stops it by pushing buttons really fast. Maybe it just chose not to blow up so it wouldn’t be subjected to more of Michelangelo acting like a dolt.

Oh, and Shredder gives us a supremely lame excuse for why there’s a particle accelerator in a craphole like this: because if it blew up, nobody would care what happened to the area. That’s... really... dumb. Then they’re confronted by a robot that eats up a precious five seconds of screen time.

Also, the crystal is now the size of a scone, whereas it was the size of an engine before.

Shredder breaks in and thankfully shoots everyone, saving me from more bad Neutrinos dialogue.

And as Leonardo keels over, his Turtle Com pops onto the floor and apparently autodials April. She knows they’re in mortal peril immediately, based on... I don’t know. Psychic powers.

Shredder piles the unconscious Turtles in the Starmobile, fixes the engine, and leaves the Neutrinos on the sidewalk, presumably to be raped and killed by the revenants who roam the wasteland.

Also, the crystal has now shrunk to the point where you can’t see it.

Unfortunately for me, the Neutrinos wake up and continue talking, and really, nothing highlights my point that Kala is practically a non-character like her dialogue. Everything she says in this episode is painfully obvious or filler masquerading as dialogue like “Maaaaaan, what a draaaaaaag.”

April shows up just then, and the Neutrinos have apparently forgotten all about her even though they met her when they were last on Earth. Continuity error or then being assholes? Either works.

April then reveals that the whole area is run by a gang called the Cyberpunks, who will add nothing to the episode and never be mentioned after it. They just provide a false sense of tension that the episode doesn’t need.

Meanwhile, the Turtles are waking up.

And Shredder chooses the single stupidest way to unveil a machine: have his minions SHOOT THE CRAP OFF OF IT. Because getting a tarp was just too much work, apparently. Cover it in garbage, and then fire lasers at it.

The Turtles aren’t feeling too positive about being put into something called a Neutralizer, especially when the phrase “brain drain” was used.

Meanwhile, April manages to crash into an overturned bus that was right in plain sight, so they have to escape the Cyberpunks by blinding them with a camera flash and jumping into the sewers. 

Shredder tries to activate the Starmobile, only to be immobilized with a forcefield of some kind. Yeah, whatever. At this point, I’m just craving the end of the episode.

The Turtles take this opportunity to slip out of the Neutralizer, possibly because Shredder didn’t bother to tie their legs together. And when Rocksteady and Bebop try to shoot them... wait, why didn’t they just try to kill them when they were unconscious? Anyway, the Turtles manage to free themselves by having the ropes shot off their bodies.

April and the Neutrinos show up just then, as do the Cyberpunks. The sight of the Cyberpunks is enough to send Shredder and his mutants scuttling away, and everyone else leaves in the Starmobile.

So everyone says their goodbyes, and Michelangelo gives the Neutrinos a pizza that burns their hands as they leave. And Raphael manages to cheer up Michelangelo by saying that a lack of a girlfriend means more pizza for him... am I really supposed to take this crush seriously?

VERDICT

Ever read a book or watch a movie where it’s painfully obvious that someone wasn’t contributing their A-game? That’s what this episode feels like. It feels like someone was given a basic outline of an episode, and they just sort of loosely tied everything together with a bunch of bad coincidental stuff that they didn’t care about. Exhibit A: that particle accelerator, which Leonardo - a guy who doesn’t really know anything about technology - happens to know of, which is completely abandoned and which happens to be in a spectacularly bad area. Nothing about this makes sense.

I’ve ranted before about the Neutrinos, but if anything, they’re even thinner here than they were in their debut. At least they don’t whine about adults and having fun, but you could easily combine all three of them into one character and you’d lose nothing, plotwise. In fact, Kala would literally have no reason to exist if it weren’t for Michelangelo’s crush on her... which isn’t even much of a crush, if that last line of his is any indication.

The Cyberpunks? Less than nothing. They aren’t even really an obstacle; you could literally erase them from the story, and nothing would really have to change.

The sad thing is that the beginning of the episode isn’t bad, despite the irritating voices. There was potential there. But once the crystal cracks, the entire story just sort of veers off into no-man’s-land and never comes back.

And seriously, the Turtles were unconscious and at Shredder’s mercy. Why didn’t he just kill them? 

Whew, been dreading this one. On to things that don’t bother me as much.

Grade: D

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E10 - New York’s Shiniest

Sigh, from the absolute best of the series to merely entertaining. Well, could be worse - it could go from best to bad.

Shredder announces that he’s definitely got a plan to kill the Turtles, no really, this one will totally work, double promise. Krang’s expression says it all.

His plan: the police are making a robot policeman, so Shredder will steal it, reprogram and duplicate it, then send the robots out to kill the Turtles. It’s simple yet doomed to failure.

Krang says fine, but if he screws up, then he has to spend the rest of his life with Bebop and Rocksteady. That is cruel and unusual punishment. 

And in case you’re wondering, Krang does not appear or get involved for the rest of the episode. It’s just more of Shredder calling him four times a day.

Meanwhile, Irma is moaning about her wasteland of a love life when she and April discover that someone is robbing April’s apartment. Pretty brazenly too,

And instead of calling the police right away, April fumes about how they wouldn’t do that if the Turtles were there.

The Turtles, meanwhile, are busy screwing in a very, very high-up lightbulb, and Donatello clearly drew the short straw.

Either that, or Splinter is mad at him for something. Unfortunately he loses his balance and they all come crashing down just as Michelangelo is about to finish, just in time for April to complain about the burglary. And before they leave, Michelangelo answers the question we’re all wondering: how many ninja turtles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

The answer is: four, and they’ll break the lamp before running out.

April is fuming about the second loss of her everything in the space of a year, and Irma suggests April deal with this the way she deals with everything: do a Channel 6 story on it. 

Meanwhile, the Turtles happen to stumble across all April’s stolen stuff, which is being put up for sale on the sidewalk by the hoodlums. How much can you even get for used furniture? Not antiques, just ordinary used furniture and appliances.

The Turtles recognize the stuff as hers, and throw off their disguises to start a fight. The hoodlums.... aren’t exactly intimidated, since they respond with “Turtle costumes?” and laughter.

So the Turtles handle this situation by... lifting the hoodlums’ van over their heads. Which is a good demonstration of physical strength, but it also kind of makes it hard to fight back if they decide to attack you just then.

So instead of getting the go-ahead on some kind of crime wave news story, April has instead gotten an address from a police contact she knows. The Turtles bring back her stuff, albeit now rather broken (somehow), and Donatello promises to fix everything right before her TV explodes.

April then runs out in pursuit of a story, after quickly thanking them for getting back all her worldly possessions. I’d feel a bit taken for granted if I were them. She could at least buy them lunch.

So it turns out that April’s tip was the experimental robocop Shredder plans to steal. Not THE Robocop, but A robot cop. Yes, someone robbed her apartment and she didn’t even call the cops, and she turned that into a news story by focusing instead on an android. I don’t understand her thought processes, but I never liked journalism class.

She finds the robot REX-1 and starts diddling around with his control device instead of just taking some footage and getting the hell out. This of course wakes him right up and they have a little conversation, just before the security guards come in... probably wondering who is talking in there.

One of them tells April she’s under arrest, and her response is, “But I’m April O’Neil, Channel 6 news!” Someone needs to tell April that being a reporter doesn’t mean that you can break and enter into any facility you want in the name of news.

But of course, REX comes to her rescue (I’m going to call him REX because it’s easier than REX-1) because he’s effectively imprinted on April as his controller. He even follows her outside, and carries her off when she expresses a desire to go home.

Shredder is still doing a thing, if you forgot he was in this episode.

REX has just served April dinner when Irma shows up, and Irma is so sex-starved that she immediately swoons at the sight of a hulking robot. And Rex isn’t one of those robots like R. Daneel Olivaw who look human until you check their innards. He looks like a friggin’ robot. Of course, Irma is the same person who will later come close to sexually harassing Donatello and earlier tried to date one of April’s burglars, so... someone please set her up with someone.

Just then the security guards show up at April’s door, possibly because she told them her name and where she works. I’m just confused that THEY didn’t call the police, especially since the police will presumably want to know where their robot is.

Anyway, REX gets rid of ‘em.

Down in the lair, Donatello is showing off his twirling skills when Rex catches his bo and breaks it in half. Donatello takes umbrage to this, and Rex... gets a little mean about it.

This would get so many headlines today. The cops created a robot cop that hates people who aren’t white!

Leonardo tries to cut REX’s legs out from under him but only gives Donatello the shivers, and April defuses the whole situation by saying that these guys are her friends. Raphael gets a little revenge by suggesting that the robot has a crush on her, and Michelangelo seems... oddly enthusiastic about the idea.

Like, why is he so happy?

“I was only trying to get a story. Now the police think I stole him!” Well, you kinda broke into a secure facility, turned on an expensive and untested piece of equipment, and then left with it. One can see how they would get that impression.

Then the Turtles go to Channel 6 and start free-climbing up the wall.

If they can do that, why do they use suction cups and grapplers?

It turns out they’re here to kidnap Vernon, for probably the first time in his life, but amazingly not the last. April wants him to record her talking about REX to the camera, but the Turtles never bother to remove his blindfold, so he isn’t really sure how to aim the camera.

“I’ve never done this wearing a blindfold before.” “Hey man, come on, you gotta open yourself up to new experiences, okay?” And that’s why we all love Michelangelo.

And things get totally out of control after Leonardo tries to aim Vernon’s entire torso, resulting in Donatello taking over the camera and shooting his brothers doing goofy stuff.

But somehow Vernon can run a switchboard blindfolded. I guess maybe because the knobs are all in familiar places?

Unfortunately, Shredder sees her report... and seems weirdly okay with the fact that he can’t just steal the robot like he said. Then again, he apparently can hack (with only ten buttons!) into the police computers and take the plans, so I guess he doesn’t need REX.

Oh, and fun detail: apparently the Turtles dragged a blindfolded Vernon down the outside of the building. I’m amazed none of them has strangled him by now.

Shredder, meanwhile, has produced a bunch of REX doppelgangers, and is telling them that the Turtles are the most-wanted criminals they’re supposed to capture.

And for some reason, Shredder has a posted photograph of the Turtles staring awkwardly at a camera.

When did he manage to take that?

So on the way home, the Turtles are suddenly confronted by a row of REX clones, and when they try to turn and flee, they’re confronted by another row behind them. When told to drop their weapons, Leonardo yells back, “Forget it. We’d rather drop our bodies!” and drives right off the bridge. Well, that’s one way to handle the situation.

And even though they’ve survived worse, Shredder concludes that they are dead, absolutely dead, no way they could possibly not be dead now. So he sends the REX clones out on a spree of... stealing money. Is he a little short? And just to be petty, he sends them into Channel 6 to fire one shot and knock it off the air.

The Turtles are, of course, NOT dead. Leonardo comments that the robots didn’t know “we’re amphibians!” No, you’re not. You’re AMPHIBIOUS. Not the same thing.

They seem oddly uninterested in whatever’s happened to the Turtle Van, though...

Meanwhile, April and Splinter... the FUCK?

How does a royal fuckup like this happen? We saw the Turtle Van plunge into the river. The Turtles did not get it out of the river, nor did they go home. How the fuck did it get back to the lair so April could be driving it around?!

Okay, grievous continuity error aside, the van is stopped by the clone robots “in the name of Emperor Shredder,” which clearly pisses off Splinter. REX breaks out and engages the other robots, but ends up crushed under a giant gargoyle. Fortunately the Turtles show up before Splinter and April can be shot at, and they get rid of the bots.

REX ain’t doing so hot, though. And since Donatello’s whole schtick is that he’s really good with machines, he of course figures he can not only fix REX, but make him control the other robots.

I swear, this scene would have been even better if Donatello had had one of the others dabbing his brow while he worked.

So he took their TV apart for the pieces he needs to repair REX, and even uses some videocassettes to program him. Uh, that depends on what he’s planning to program him for. Are old reruns of Star Trek counting as computer programming?

REX revives but seems a little out of it, and April gives shippers joy.

This week, Splinter wants in on the action, so he has come up with an idea to lure in and entrap the other robots. It involves fireworks being set off at an old fairground. 

Fortunately for their plan, the robots apparently interpret a Turtle-shaped fireworks display as a sign that the Turtles are alive... and playing with fireworks. So Shredder orders every single robot to head there and kill the Turtles.

Unfortunately, REX starts talking like a Wild West gunslinger, Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, and... some reference I don’t get. The Turtles distract the robots by drawing their fire and hopping on a merry-go-round, while Donatello tries to get the stupid bot working.

No matter how dramatic a climax, a merry-go-round somehow makes it seem silly. And that is universal - ever seen Strangers on a Train? Serious ending gone silly because of that damn merry-go-round.

So what does REX do? He starts doing Donatello’s aerobics tape workout, which fortunately spreads to the other REXes. They get overloaded and explode.

Everyone rejoices, even Splinter.

April later watches her own news report about how the project has been abandoned, and thinks wistfully about REX. And then Irma comes in, with REX as her date. Please, someone set Irma up with their brother-in-law or something. This woman’s desperation is just sad.

VERDICT

It’s hard for me to give this a fair judgement, just because the episode before it was so incredibly good. But I’d have to give this episode a stamp of recommended; it has some flaws, primarily that giant continuity gaffe in the middle of the story, but it’s overall a well-told story that focuses a little more on April than usual. Of course, it shows that she’s willing to do criminal stuff in order to get a story, but whatever.

Other than April, it sort of focuses on Donatello the most - he’s the one at the bottom of the totem pole, he’s the one manhandled by REX, he’s the one who has to fix REX and then get him to stop the clones. By this point the resident nerd turtle hadn’t yet gotten an episode to focus on him even in a secondary role, so this was a nice touch.

The biggest problem is perhaps the ending, which goes full-on goofy with the aerobics video. But at least that doesn’t last for long.

GRADE: B

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E09 - Splinter No More

Not gonna kid you, this is one of the best TMNT 87 episodes, bar none. Possibly THE best. 

It starts with Michelangelo rushing through the sewers, while his bros anxiously await his return. It’s because of pizza, of course.

Because what else?

While the others dig in, Splinter comes in looking kind of downcast, and Michelangelo reveals that since Splinter doesn’t like pizza, he bought him a sushi tray instead.

This is a nice, subtle little moment for Michelangelo. Usually he’s just depicted as crazed about pizza, especially when it’s right there, but here he actually postpones eating it in order to try to make Splinter happy, which he went out of his way to do. 

Also, I love the subtle tension they put in Splinter’s face and ears here.

Splinter thanks him but says he’s not hungry, and leaves. Donatello sensitively blames it on the fact that sushi is raw fish, before Michelangelo informs us that Splinter has been very depressed lately. Leonardo speculates that Splinter misses being human, and they start chatting about the idea of turning him back. 

Of course, Donatello has an idea for how to do it: turn the remains of the mutagen into a spray antidote. Splinter literally gets teary-eyed when they tell him.

“To walk the streets, to feel the sunlight... how often have I dreamed of this.”

Also, Michelangelo is a sympathetic crier.

Splinter is a little torn about what to do, since being a rat mutant gives him the abilities that a rat has, which come in handy sometimes. But Leonardo posits that a human could investigate Shredder more easily than they could, disguises or no. Splinter agrees.

So Donatello makes the spray, and successfully transforms Splinter back into the human Hamato Yoshi.

He heads up to the surface for a walk, but as soon as he’s gone, the Turtles begin to show that they were much more anxious than they let on. Raphael, who urged him on wholeheartedly to “go for it!”, reveals unhappily that he doesn’t think Yoshi will return because he’s human now, and Michelangelo agrees. Leonardo initially says “He’ll be back,” but he doesn’t sound confident, and when the subject of Yoshi leaving them comes up, all he can say is “It’s his choice.”

This actually does a really good job of highlighting the emotional connections between these characters, because the Turtles were literally urging Yoshi to do something that they thought would break their hearts, just because it would be best for him.

The Turtles are moping when April calls to say that Rocksteady and Bebop are at the library... a strange place for them to visit. They pounce on this distraction.

It turns out Shredder is researching in an old book, for something he calls the “key to other realms.”

I’m going to assume it’s “Locke and Key” fanfiction. No, it’s actually a magic spell that will open portals to any dimension he wishes, so he can call through an army himself. Of course, he’ll keep Krang-senpai informed about all of this, and Krang never asks, “Why the hell do you need a spell when I have a dimensional portal?”

Meanwhile, Yoshi/Splinter is walking the streets, which he enjoys until some guy is an asshole to him, and a taxi driver is an asshole to him, and you see the pattern. People are assholes.

The Turtles arrive and immediately encounter Shredder, who rudely throws an explosive shuriken that blasts them unconscious, so Bebop and Rocksteady can kill them.

Fortunately Leonardo wakes up in the nick of time and manages to delay the two, which gives him and the other Turtles the chance to recover. 

Rocksteady and Bebop flee, but Shredder dropped a page before he left, which Donatello finds. He figures out what Shredder’s planning to do at a particular subway station at midnight, which was once used by cultists in the 1920s.

Things start getting dramatic for Yoshi when he encounters some robbers in the park... who are wearing cheap luchador masks, for some reason.

But one of the thieves says, “What’s happening to him?” just as Yoshi starts feeling odd. It’s enough to scare the thieves away, and a quick glance in the water tells him that he’s started transforming back into a rat. In fact, he’s pretty far along, since he already has a full-length tail.

Fun fact: Krang actually rolls his eyes when Shredder says he’s found the key to other realms. And like I said, he doesn’t question why Shredder is doing this, possibly because he expects it to backfire. In fact, he seems to think it’s very likely, since he warns Shredder that botching the spell could lead to a dimension much worse than X. Like the Kardashians.

Yoshi declares that “I can delay no longer” before getting back to the sewers. Uh, why? It seems like a better strategy to climb a tree or hide in a bush until dark. But he dashes out into the street to get to a manhole cover, only to be blocked when a car stops over it.

And that leaves him in full view of the street, with dozens of people seeing and freaking out at the sight of the giant rat-man. It’s torches and pitchforks time!

Also, where did his shoes go? 

The Turtles, meanwhile, have gotten over their distraction and are feeling depressed again about the loss of their master. There’s also a nice moment where Raphael worries about how Yoshi/Splinter is coping with the world up above, and concludes, “If he doesn’t come back, it’s because he doesn’t want to.” It’s another nice, subtle little moment.

They call April to get a videotape of an old special Channel 6 did on abandoned subway tunnels. They must have been really bored that day.

The episode so far has been pretty low on humor for an 87 episode; it’s had some bad puns and the odd metafictional joke, but overall it’s been pretty serious. There is a funny bit here, though, when Donatello puts Michelangelo in charge of telling April what’s going on, and all he can do is say, “Uh, well, it’s kind of like... well, y’see... well, if we don’t find this certain subway terminal, the world’s going to end at midnight. But no biggie.”

Meanwhile, Shredder, Rocksteady and Bebop are heading to the temple, when Shredder is reminded that the Turtles live down there. So he calls Krang... who was showering.

I have so many questions that I know will never be answered. Like, why does he need to wash his robot body? Why is it wearing a shower cap when it has no hair? Why the towel if it has no genitals?

Shredder is calling to demand a Neuro Scrambler, which he apparently invented and then just put on the shelf with no plans to actually use it. It seems odd, because the Neuro Scrambler seems like it would be very useful; it apparently causes people to see each other as enemies, and he’s going to rework it so that it only works on mutants. 

Meanwhile, Splinter heads down into a subway station, and the cops pursue him for the crime of... resembling a large rodent. I don’t think that’s an arrestable offense.

The Turtles are following Shredder when suddenly they start all having painful headaches.

Donatello loses his equilibrium and crashes into Raphael, and the two start insulting each other. When Leonardo tries to reestablish order, Michelangelo gets pissed off and shoves him, and Leonardo responds by drawing his swords.

Meanwhile, the only place Splinter could find to hide was right next to the tracks in a subway, so he’s facing being squished by an oncoming train.

And when he crawls out of the tunnel, he’s completely back to being a rat. “So, once again Yoshi is gone, and only Splinter remains. So be it.” Again, nice moment.

Then the cops come back and chase him. Again, I’m not sure WHY, because being a giant rat isn’t really a crime. Just look at the president.

Meanwhile, the Turtles are fighting each other in ways that you don’t usually see in this series, because they seem pretty intense and serious about hurting each other. Obviously none of them actually DOES hurt the others, but the music and animation handle this whole scene very, very seriously and without any slapstick. It was clearly made to convey that this is supposed to be disturbing and abnormal and violent, with a minimum of talking.

April can’t understand what’s going on, so she eventually asks what Splinter would think if he saw this. That manages to get into Leonardo’s head long enough for him to shake off some of the Neuro Scrambler’s control, and he urges the others to do the same.

April finds the Neuro Scrambler, and the Turtles destroy it. Obstacle cleared.

Shredder, meanwhile, has found a temple that looks absolutely nothing like a train station. For one thing, the tracks are covered with a dais, and there is no place for people to hang out away from the trains.

Splinter, meanwhile, has eluded the cops and smells some incense. That is enough to make him investigate.

The Turtles burst into the temple and are about to attack Shredder when suddenly Rocksteady and Bebop shoot them.

It’s midnight, so it’s time for Shredder to say the incantation. What he doesn’t know is that Splinter is sneaking up behind him, and yells “Stop!” just as he’s about to finish. So a portal is opened to Dimension Stop... and presumably it’s called that because it’s what everyone screams when they see what lives there. It’s also called Dimension HolyShit and Dimension PleaseGodNo.

Let’s just say that it’s a good thing Shredder is a large Japanese man rather than a Japanese girl. I’ve seen enough anime to know how these things would turn out.

Yep, it turns out those cultists were worshiping an elder.... well, not an elder god, but maybe one of an elder god’s intestinal parasites.

It also regenerates instantly, which means that the Turtles aren’t really able to hurt it. And it comes all the way through the portal, which means they’re stuck with it. The Turtles trick it into destroying the pillars that are holding up the ceiling, causing a massive cave-in that kills it. Presumably.

Back in the lair, the Turtles consume pizza and listen to Splinter’s tale of spending an afternoon topside.

And though the animation has been only fairly good in this episode, I think they did a good job with the Turtles’ faces in this scene. They aren’t quite settled on one expression or another, just as their emotions don’t seem entirely happy or sad.

VERDICT

I friggin’ love this episode. I just wish that this series had had more episodes like it, because it was a lot darker and more introspective than pretty much every other episode in the series, with a lot of good character insights and hints about how much Splinter and the Turtles care for each other.

To do so, it also has a relatively muted sense of humor - there are still jokes about pizza, Rocksteady and Bebop being dumb, and the aforementioned gag about Michelangelo summing up the apocalypse. Far more memorable is the scene where the Turtles are turning on each other with deadly intent, which goes almost silent except for the music and sound of weapons clashing. It’s wildly effective.

Also, I love the Lovecraftian blob monster at the end. It isn’t there for long, but it’s a pretty effective foe. Shredder and his mutants were actually pretty effective here as well, which led to the Turtles actually being knocked unconscious and almost dying twice, and being brain-scrambled as well.

And here we get to the lasting character development of the episode: Splinter’s change of heart regarding being a rat. In a previous episode he suggested that it was his karma to live as a rat, implying that it was a fate forced on him rather than something he would choose. But here, he says that he doesn’t regret that he changed back into a rat, and that he prefers to be a mutant animal after seeing how people treat each other. He also states that he doesn’t regret it because it allowed him to save the Turtles and the world from Shredder.

This is actually something that carries over into future episodes as far as Splinter’s development goes, with him being more and more accepting of his mutation, to the point of saying that Hamato Yoshi no longer exists. It actually goes to the point where, when the Turtles later get ahold of another retromutagen ray, they simply destroy it. No offer to Splinter to turn him human again, because they knew he didn’t want it anymore.

And at the other end of the spectrum, we see the demonstration of how the Turtles love Splinter: even though it hurts them, they still wholeheartedly encourage him to be human again with no hint of how they’re really feeling.

Seriously, this is an episodic show, but they did manage to weave in some clever character development, alongside some subtle writing and a very nice plot. 

GRADE: A++

[satireknight]

Hi, on SatireKnightSnarks you've used a manga panel a couple of times; the one of yaoi fangirls being forced to watch live-action gay porn. Can I ask if you know which manga it's from? I'm morbidly curious.

I wish I could tell you; I just found it online, and have no idea where it’s from.

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E08 - Invasion of the Punk Frogs

Admit it. That title alone makes you curious.

So it starts with Michelangelo evading lasers, trap doors, and grabby metal hands. Where the hell does Donatello get the sheer amount of equipment needed for this kind of thing?

But at the last minute he’s washed back by a flood of water. It turns out this was a timed obstacle course, which each of them are doing in turn.

And then Splinter says something really weird: “All indications are that [Shredder]’s planning to return with the Technodrome.” What indications? Did they just try to handwave foreshadowing into my face? I don’t remember that coming up before.

Not to mention you’d think Krang wouldn’t be in any hurry to return. I mean, he was pissy on Earth because he’d been banished from his home dimension, and now he’s back where he wanted to be. He seemed pretty happy about the situation at the end of last season. Why would he bring the Technodrome back to Earth?

Anyway, Shredder calls Krang up to announce that he has a new Plan O’ The Week, and this one will really work, unlike all the others, so there. His plan is to create more mutants to attack the Turtles and... second step something something, third step profit.

The problem is that the Technodrome is in the middle of an ion storm, which is presented as being just a thunderstorm. Shredder insists that this absolutely can’t wait and they have to risk sending through the mutagen... um, why? Is there a reason this plan can’t wait until tomorrow?

So we cut to a camper RV in the middle of a swamp, and a couple who are probably going to be arguing about their vacation for the next few months.

I can see why. I’d lambast any spouse o’ mine who took me on vacation to a swamp. What are you supposed to do there, attract leeches?

The couple’s son is keeping himself occupied, though, having found four frogs that he wants to keep as pets. Mom is grossed out and orders him to put them back where he found them.

Just then the canister falls out of the portal, cracks open and starts leaking into the water. Guess what the frogs come into contact with as soon as the boy drops them.

Krang informs Shredder about this fuckup due to his impatience, and Shredder decides to go to Florida. Um, how? I mean, is he going to drive, or take some form of commercial transportation? Rocksteady and Bebop are left in NYC to distract the Turtles from.... um, Shredder not being there.

The Turtles hear about giant frog-mutants, but aren’t able to investigate due to Bebop and Rocksteady generally causing mischief.

Shredder has somehow teleported to Florida, where he finds the canister completely empty and four giant talking frogs. He pretends to be a nice person to get the frogs on his side, gives them holographic clothes (?!), and claims they’re going to be battling the evil Ninja Turtles.

He recalls Rocksteady and Bebop, and introduces them to the frogs: Napoleon, Attila, Genghis and Rasputin. Only Napoleon looks kind of worried about this, ironically.

Bebop rather logically points out that as trained ninjas, the Turtles won’t have any trouble defeating the frogs. Shredder dismisses this by saying that he’s personally trained them... wait, what? This can’t be more than a day or so after he found them, and he presumably spent most of that time getting back to New York.

Are we really supposed to think that he can turn them into good fighters in the space of a single day? Because watching any iteration of TMNT requires a lot of suspension of disbelief, but that pushes me too far.

It also raises again the question of how long the Turtles have been mutants. If you remember, they mutated from tiny turtles right into their teen forms in the first episode, so... does that mean Splinter was just really fast with their training, and they’re not actually teenagers? 

The Turtles are eating again when April tips them off to a report on four green robbers described as looking like giant turtles. Um, the frogs really don’t. They really don’t. They look like frogs.

The mayor starts ranting about how the Turtles have terrorized the city, even though the only “terrorizing” I can remember was from some dorks in costumes. Then again, he IS a politician. Jump on an issue to be seen doing something, and don’t let pesky facts get in the way. So he’s created an anti-Turtle squad to hunt them down, with Max Headroom in charge.

The frogs seem awfully cheerful about the idea of taking over the city, which I guess is naivete in action. I mean, they don’t know that such things are bad, and you can frame almost anything as being good if you want.

Shredder wants more mutagen, but Krang confirms that he already sent him the last. Yes, impatience really got you a mutant army, Shredder. But Krang is apparently in a generous mood, because he will tell Shredder the recipe for making more.

The Turtles, meanwhile, are being hunted down whenever they show up on the surface. It’s funny that the most effective part of Shredder’s plan was actually the part he didn’t plan.

The Frogs show up at a chemical warehouse to steal some stuff, where they debate the morality of what they’re doing.

The Turtles are tipped off about it and somehow get to the chemical plant in the next couple minutes to stop the frogs in mid-heist. Did the frogs stop for dinner before looking for the chemicals? Space is warped and time is bendable!

But the frogs manage to escape using a flash-grenade-arrow.

“I’m insulted! How could anyone mistake those... things for turtles?” Good question. They look like frogs.

Donatello immediately figures out what the stolen chemicals are for, and says that they need another one to finish the mutagen. Don’t ask me how he knows this. He’s the designated know-it-all.

Yes, April has extensive database information on chemical shipments... on a 1988 computer. At a news TV station.

Oh, and because he’s a troll, Krang didn’t mention the last ingredient to Shredder before... just to be a dick. Seriously. 

And he also knows where the shipment of the chemical will be... even though he’s not even on the same planet. Where do people get this information?

Shredder’s also starting to lose the frogs, who want to know why they can’t try to reason with the Turtles instead of just killing them until they’re dead. Shredder obviously does NOT want that to happen.

Meanwhile, April covers the anti-Turtle squad and their giant freeze-ray-equipped tank.

“This tracking device is tuned to their biorhythms.” Wait, what? How the hell did you get those?!

The Turtles intervene when the frogs rob the chemical shipment, but before anything more serious can happen, the anti-Turtle-squad shows up and demands they all surrender. And by “surrender,” I mean stand still so they can be frozen solid.

Fortunately Raphael knocks away the nozzle, and giant chunks of ice end up falling on the tank. These soldiers are clearly the best.

Leonardo says that they have to bring the frogs with them, because they’re also mutants, and they can’t let Captain Hoffman have them. Donatello and Raphael take some convincing, but they eventually come around to his way of thinking.

So they each grab a frozen frog and head into the sewers.

Splinter says that they have to win the frogs over with a show of trust, and first by melting the ice. Apparently being frozen solid is something you can get over in a matter of seconds if someone blows steam on you.

The frogs freak out and prepare to attack, but Splinter orders the Turtles to disarm, and tells the frogs that they can leave if they want. Might have been a good idea to not actually bring them to your home before that. The frogs finally realize that Shredder has been using them, and once again Leonardo has an idea.

Which he starts whispering to nobody in particular.

So back at Shredder’s current base, the frogs say that the Turtles got the chemical shipment and are going to hide it at the closed-down Stonewall Prison, aka Alcatraz.

Of course, it’s all a trap and the Turtles are lying in wait for Shredder, who figures out immediately that the frogs were involved in this scheme.

But before any kind of fight can break out, the anti-Turtle squad shows up. No, I have no idea how they knew to come here, since there’s nobody at the prison to tip them off, and Shredder was the only one to be told where the Turtles would be. 

Oh right, the bullshit tracking device that will be inexplicably dropped after the next few scenes. Really, if it were that easy, wouldn’t Shredder have found out where they live by now?

So Shredder whips out a crystal ball and holographically projects some squad uniforms on himself and his two mutants, before running out to leave the turtles and frogs in the lurch.

The anti-Turtle Squad throws knockout gas at them as they run... which somehow doesn’t affect them despite the lack of gas masks...

and the mutants make their way into the prison laundry room. The Turtles are having trouble staying conscious, but fortunately Rasputin still has his Green Arrow quiver and is able to blast a giant hole in the floor for them all to escape through. Captain Hoffman is defeated, his bullshit tracker never comes up again, and the whole subplot just kind of fizzles out of existence.

The Turtles say goodbye to the frogs, Michelangelo offers them a pizza only to get epicly rejected, and I have to wonder when in the last few days the frogs even tried pizza in order to hate it. Also, Splinter looks like he’s plotting revenge.

VERDICT

This one goes under the listing of “pretty good, but not great.” The biggest problems are the excessively fast training of the frogs, who become a threat to the Turtles in under a day, and the go-nowhere plotline of the anti-Turtle squad. I actually really like the idea, but it’s simply brought up and then dropped, when it could have made for a good secondary antagonist force in future episodes, especially since the mayor is unlikely to just decide the Turtles aren’t a problem because the episode ended.

The story itself is a pretty straightforward one, but it does have a lot to do, including introducing the Punk Frogs and bringing about their eventual about-face. I liked that their big issue was naivete rather than just being bad or good; they literally didn’t realize that someone could lie to them if they seemed nice, sort of like small children. They could have done a bit more questioning when Shredder was acting obviously evil, but overall it was a good take on the perils that would be faced by animal-originated mutants, and it even makes you wonder how the Turtles would have turned out if they had been with someone who wasn’t good like Splinter.

And of course, the door is left open for what other mutants might come out of Florida (hint hint) since presumably other animals down there would come into contact with the mutagen.

Krang, of course, remains a wonderful troll.

GRADE: B

[satireknight]

TMNT S02E07 - Enter the Fly

Nonfiction moment here, this was the very first episode I ever watched. Not a bad one to be introduced to, although it’s also not the easiest since you have no idea who the supporting villains are.

So it begins with the Turtles approaching those now-gone New York landmarks forever associated with suffering and death, the World Trade Center towers. 

Shredder and Baxter are atop one of the towers trying to generate a forcefield to... to... actually, they never say what their goal is. But it blows up, because Baxter didn’t Dr. Who reference. No, really, a Doctor Who reference, back before it was cool to do those. :D

But Shredder notices the Turtles are there, possibly because they arrived in a blimp with their name on it. So he and Baxter scuttle out of there, and the Turtles just decide to go home and eat.

Later on, Baxter and Shredder are on a garbage scow waiting for Krang’s call, because apparently now Shredder has been reduced to “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” He demands that Krang send him Rocksteady and Bebop to help him kill the Turtles, but Krang says that something else has to come through at the same time because... wibbly wobbly energy thing. And oh look, there’s one other person on the scow. He could toss a sack of garbage through, but Shredder’s pretty fed up with Baxter by now.

Oh, and Baxter listens to this entire conversation taking place about three feet away... and doesn’t seem to clue in that he’s taking a one-way trip to Dimension X. So he goes in, and Rocksteady and Bebop come out.

April is working at her desk when a potted plant is brought in, which Irma speculates is from the Turtles. April claims it’s totally not so, but the next scene has her rehearsing a “let’s just be friends” speech for them, so I guess it seems plausible. To be fair, they do seem a little desperate for feminine attention sometimes.

Anyway, the plant is from Shredder, and as soon as she shows it to Splinter he flips out and throws it in the trash.

And April promptly keels over and goes into a coma, because she sniffed the plant. Thems is some bad plant allergies.

Speaking of imminent death, Krang is about to throw Baxter in the disintegrator unit because... well, I guess he’s in a pissy mood, and he’s not interested in mousetraps or whatever Baxter is inventing.

So Baxter is thrown in, at the same time that a fly from the garbage scow is also inside. When it’s turned on, they fuse into one ginormous fly mutant. 

This is pretty obviously a reference to that movie The Fly, except it makes a bit less sense because... well, that was a teleporter that would take molecules apart and put them back together, whereas a disintegrator should really disintegrate everything inside it. 

Well, anyway, Baxter is now a big freak, and he is able to break out of the disintegrator and go on a rampage with a laser pistol. He’s also able to activate the portal and fly through, getting back to Earth.

April is in a coma by the time the Turtles get home from... wherever they’ve been, and Splinter is applying the time-honored remedy of repeatedly sloshing water on her forehead. He informs the Turtles that the fragrance of a doku plant is deadly, and the only remedy is a gazai plant... which unfortunately is unlikely to be found in the Americas.

The Turtles are on their way - on foot, for some reason - to a “weird plant” nursery when suddenly Baxter attacks them. They have no idea who he is.

After they escape, Baxter heads off to get revenge on Shredder instead, but is easily shot down. Fortunately for Shredder, Baxter is very weak-minded and is easily gaslighted into believing that the Turtles sent him to Dimension X.

The Turtles get to the nursery and find the plant they’re looking for, and for some reason they’re wearing overalls and safari hats...

... and that scene is interrupted for a toy tie-in, namely Shredder using a robotic spider called the Knucklehead.

It will appear for maybe thirty more seconds in the episode. Shredder intercepts the Turtles before they can get back to the blimp, and starts firing some kind of weapon at them.

“I knew that doku plant would lure you here!” No you didn’t! You had no idea where they were until Baxter called you. Not to mention even if you had known that, why wouldn’t you just take the gazai plant so they couldn’t?

Donatello inexplicably decides to handle this problem all by himself, and actually lays a pretty solid smackdown on Shredder.

But Shredder’s pants vanish, and so he calls out the Knucklehead to squish Donatello. He also unveils Rocksteady and Bebop, who haven’t really done anything since last season. In fact, if I recall correctly, they were last seen stuck in cement.

Fortunately Leonardo’s swords are made of magic mirrors, so he deflects back their laser blasts and knocks the spider off Donatello.

But as the Turtles are escaping, Baxter shoots the glider down from the blimp, causing them to crash. They manage to climb a building (with magically-appearing suction cups) and hang off the ropes that conveniently hang off the envelope. And because Bebop and Rocksteady are the worst aims in the universe, they manage to not only miss four people who can’t move, but the entire blimp. Seriously, how do you even do that?

Leonardo accidentally loses the gazai plant, which is caught by Baxter, and the Turtles have to parachute down.

The Turtles are pretty dejected about botching the one thing they were supposed to do, but then Shredder contacts them and offers a to-the-finish fight between them and him, Rocksteady and Bebop. They’re so keyed up that Donatello’s first impulse involves punching whatever is in front of him.

Well, of course it isn’t that easy: Baxter and Shredder are rigging up a device that will cause the Turtles to be out of the phase with the rest of the world if they walk between two electrodes. Let’s count the ways that can backfire.

The Turtles show up at the junkyard and the bad guys immediately start herding them towards the electrodes, which is so obvious that Raphael actually mentions it.

But just then, Splinter barges through in the Turtle Van, and starts blasting Rocksteady and Bebop with their laser weapons. The Turtles are delighted by this... which raises the question of why Leonardo didn’t share this particular plan with them.

Baxter zooms towards Raphael to grab the plant, but of course he goes straight between the electrodes and vanishes.

“... especially for someone who doesn’t believe in violence.” Uh, can you be a ninja and not believe in violence? Especially one who spent years training the Turtles in how to use weapons and martial arts against other people?

Splinter mixes up the antidote and pours it down April’s throat, and she almost immediately wakes up.

And as the coda, Michelangelo apparently was so worried about April that he used the rest of the gazai leaves as pizza toppings while she was dying. Be flattered, April.

VERDICT:

I really do like this one, and not just for nostalgic reasons. It has a darker edge to the story, with Baxter being almost murdered in cold blood by Krang, and instead coming back as a freaky mutant who chitters and whines in a very unnerving manner. For a kids’ show from the 80s, that’s pretty dark, especially for a recurring character.

And the plot is a pretty tight one, despite a few small holes (where were the Turtles when April showed up with the doku plant?). It also packs a lot of action and shifting dilemmas into twenty minutes, to the point where it feels very full but also very fast-moving. And it throws in some surprising moments, like Splinter kicking ass in the Turtle Van.

It also has pretty good animation - not quite up to Season 1 standards, but the characters are nimble and have a great range of motion, like that bit where Donatello kicks Shredder down by vaulting from his bo. Or when Baxter fires at the Turtles for the first time, and they don’t just jump, they repeatedly jump in different directions. Very nice work.

The biggest problem I’d say I have is that the toy tie-ins are kind of intrusive in this one; the Knucklehead adds nothing, and Donatello name-dropping the parachutes seems a bit odd.

But yeah, overall a very solid, enjoyable episode that balances out a lot of the things that are best about the series, and adds a freaky “new” recurring character for future appearances.

GRADE: A