savijordayne

[savijordayne]

“I'm not a man” She replied harshly, glaring at Halima. The young Jordayne wasn't used to this kind of treatment; people weren't hard on her, especially after what had happened. Always treated like the most expensive silk in all of Westeros, it wasn't bad treatment, far from it, but Savi felt it was making her soft and the woman didn't want that “Not even with years of training could I be like you” She muttered quickly, unsure of how to respond to Yronwood's answers; sharp as a blade. “I want to say a lot of things, but I can't, I can't go around uttering my, um, funeral wishes to certain people” She says quickly, trying not to stress the woman out any more; Savita had recognized Halima's stressful tone, but luckily for her, her patience was practically infinite “Maybe you'd hit back at me?” Savi wanted to be brave and cut off Yronwood's arm, but what if she hit the wrong spot and she bled to death? “It wouldn't be a fair fight” Whispers and squeezes the dagger in his hand, to the point where his fingers turn white.

“I don't know, men are always training in trousers, I thought…” She stopped talking, shaking her head at the silly thought she had started to say “Just bullshit” Savita wanted to learn how to hold a dagger, but she didn't want to abandon who she was, her appearance, and she also wanted her training to be secret, like an element of surprise. “I know, but what if I don't have the best mobility right now to reach your level?” Jordayne knew it was impossible for her to reach Halima's parents, the woman had years of training under her belt and she admired that.

“How do I make my eyes look like I'm going to use it, I mean, like you. Your eyes show that you wouldn't hesitate to stab me right now” He adjusts his posture, trying to imitate Halima “Yes, it's not heavy… It reminds me of a hairbrush” She compares the dagger in his hand, swinging it with a light movement, or trying to, at least, “How many daggers do you carry?”

[savijordayne]

A restrained smile appeared on Savita's face. The young woman was happy, or almost, she could genuinely feel the pang of this feeling scratching the walls of her heart. She smiled at that; she could still feel the joy and peace, a delicious calmness that this place had, around women so focused on their job that she could feel almost safe. She was glad Devani had taken her there. “I really like it, it's nice to make something with your own hands… something good” She concluded, staring at the basket that was being born in her hands “It reassures me to know that the people here aren't like him” She quickly referred to her brother “Seeing them happy makes me happy” Smiling and facing Devani, Savita hoped that the woman would understand what was going through her mind, her hatred of her brother. “Ah! Why not? Babies are so cute and their cheeks” She wrinkled her nose, remembering the last chubby baby she had seen. “I hope that one day I can have my own” It was a dream Savi had for herself, kept since she was a little girl, she had always wanted a family, big or small, it didn't matter, she just wanted it and that desire still existed, but now fear camouflaged everything; putting children into this world to suffer? She wondered if she could be that selfish, well, maybe she was “Not everyone wants to see! How awful!” The tone of her voice was full of laughter as a funny grimace appeared on her face “Only the prettiest ones you have” She winked, letting the rest of his laughter escape. “I can't believe you didn't get caught, you lucky girl. Drunk and still unharmed, if I do something like that, I'll be caught in no time.” She concluded and let silence reign for a few moments, thinking. Maybe it was a good time to be brave, or try to be “Has your brother always been an evil man?”

“I've been plaiting my hair since I was twelve” Savita says spontaneously, remembering her celebration as a little girl when she managed to plait her own hair for the first time “I just can't be as fast as you” She jokes, looking at Devani's agile movements “I hope she has the same patience with me, I tend to learn things quickly, but still... I don't want to cause a problem” He looks at the older girl, decreeing that he wouldn't want to stress her out in any way.

“I love them, they're such little beings who depend on you for almost everything. All right, I guess I'm a bit more of a baby lover” She laughed, realizing that she was describing children who couldn't even speak “The older ones are nice too, of course, some of them are more difficult because of what they've been through... but with a little love, everything works out” A smile appears on his face “It's my motto, the more love I give, the more love I get”  Or at least it was, Savita didn't know if she agreed with it anymore “They really do repeat everything we say, like little parrots”

“Of course I'd like to hear it” She replies excitedly “In Lys? Weren't you afraid of getting caught?” Breaking into something was completely terrifying for Savita, she didn't have the skills or even the courage for it “You're a dangerous woman” She jokes.

[savijordayne]

Savita's face contorted in sadness at the sight of Elia walking away from her, from the mess she was in, and she felt horrible about it. But there were limits and Jordayne didn't feel welcome coming from her friend… not in the way she needed. The princess was her best friend, always had been, she knew her like the back of her hand, she should have, at least. She should have known that Savi had never been good at getting over things, especially something on this level, it wasn't a fall, a fight, it was an assault “Have you ever been so obsessed with something that your thoughts were always on it? Even when you wanted to forget about it? It's almost the same with this, Elia, I can't stop thinking about it” She sighs, shrugging her shoulders and closing her eyes apprehensively “That's part of me now,” she whispered, more to herself than to her friend. “What would make me happy would probably cause a lot of trouble”

“It was nothing, ignore it, just my mind” She mumbled, pressing her hand into her dress, wondering what kind of situation she was getting herself into. Why did everything around her always end up like this, why did it have to be with Elia? Why was she feeling this way? That damned anger in her heart “It's not what you say! It's how you act! You don't seem to care what happened to me, it's not that easy to get over! I was assaulted! Did you know I couldn't recognize my own face for days? Or move my arms?” She explodes, letting out what he's been holding in.

Savita squeezed her eyes shut tightly, counting once, twice, three times to control her breathing and spread calm through her body, essentially to her mind, if possible. It didn't work anyway, her hand responded with frequent spasms of anxiety. She hated it, hated what she had become and how it affected every aspect of her life. She especially hated how relationships precious to her were falling apart because of it. But there was nothing she could do about it, one part of her mind vehemently believed that Elia cared about her, but the other, the disbelief was enormous. Not that Savita needed to be spoiled, but… it was difficult.

"I don't want to cry, but it's hard, Elia" She said, trying to control her tone. She didn't want to sound like a selfish woman who only thinks about herself "You don't have to say that, keep repeating how awful it was" She took a deep breath, staring at her friend for a few seconds, trying to understand what was going on in her mind. She knew that Elia wasn't the most patient person in the world "And it's not okay, why are you like this?" She murmured, trying to contain the indignant tone in her voice, she didn't want Elia to recognise it - let alone get any more angry about it.

"Your conversations are interesting to me, I swear" She tried to convince her, it was true, Jordayne was still very interested in her friend's things "Do I only cry because everything makes me emotional? I don't know, I just get more sensitive than before, you know, I've always been a butter" Then her brow furrowed in shock at the words that came out of Martell's mouth "If you don't want me by your side anymore, just say the word, Princess, I'll understand"

[savijordayne]

Savita squeezed her eyes shut tightly, counting once, twice, three times to control her breathing and spread calm through her body, essentially to her mind, if possible. It didn't work anyway, her hand responded with frequent spasms of anxiety. She hated it, hated what she had become and how it affected every aspect of her life. She especially hated how relationships precious to her were falling apart because of it. But there was nothing she could do about it, one part of her mind vehemently believed that Elia cared about her, but the other, the disbelief was enormous. Not that Savita needed to be spoiled, but… it was difficult.

"I don't want to cry, but it's hard, Elia" She said, trying to control her tone. She didn't want to sound like a selfish woman who only thinks about herself "You don't have to say that, keep repeating how awful it was" She took a deep breath, staring at her friend for a few seconds, trying to understand what was going on in her mind. She knew that Elia wasn't the most patient person in the world "And it's not okay, why are you like this?" She murmured, trying to contain the indignant tone in her voice, she didn't want Elia to recognise it - let alone get any more angry about it.

"Your conversations are interesting to me, I swear" She tried to convince her, it was true, Jordayne was still very interested in her friend's things "Do I only cry because everything makes me emotional? I don't know, I just get more sensitive than before, you know, I've always been a butter" Then her brow furrowed in shock at the words that came out of Martell's mouth "If you don't want me by your side anymore, just say the word, Princess, I'll understand"

Savita was once again wandering in the vastness of her mind, disconnected from the outside world. Ever since her assault, Jordayne had been unable to hold on to any one subject for long. Basically, dissociation had become her best friend and apparently, her time in Myr hadn't made as much of an improvement as she had thought. But there she kept busy all the time, the scenery not reminding her every moment of what had happened.

“What?” She blinks, startled by the drastic change in her friend Elia's tone of voice “Of course I'm listening to you” She scratches his throat, blinking his eyes frantically in an attempt to pull himself back to reality “Of course, Elia... I mean, how can her husband accept a situation like that?” Tries to make amends in front of the brunette, but when he hears her next words, his mouth fills with a metallic bitterness.

“Maybe horses haven't suffered things like I have” she rebuts, in the same tone as her friend's comment “I've already explained it to you, Elia, there are times when I can't control it, but I'm still listening to you” Her tone became a little choked, mixed with the desire to cry and the anger that was growing. Since everything had happened, Savita had become a ticking time bomb of anger and tears. 

[savijordayne]

“I don't know, men are always training in trousers, I thought…” She stopped talking, shaking her head at the silly thought she had started to say “Just bullshit” Savita wanted to learn how to hold a dagger, but she didn't want to abandon who she was, her appearance, and she also wanted her training to be secret, like an element of surprise. “I know, but what if I don't have the best mobility right now to reach your level?” Jordayne knew it was impossible for her to reach Halima's parents, the woman had years of training under her belt and she admired that.

“How do I make my eyes look like I'm going to use it, I mean, like you. Your eyes show that you wouldn't hesitate to stab me right now” He adjusts his posture, trying to imitate Halima “Yes, it's not heavy… It reminds me of a hairbrush” She compares the dagger in his hand, swinging it with a light movement, or trying to, at least, “How many daggers do you carry?”

Savita Jordayne's brown eyes were locked on the dagger lying in front of her. Thinking about the choice she had to make. The old Savita would readily deny it, saying that she had never been a woman made for war and defenses like this. However, who she was now fought with the will to do something with her own hands. Determined, she picked up the dagger and wrapped her fingers tightly around its hilt; pondering its weight and what could be done with the weapon. 

Savita wasn't naive, she knew the purpose of such an instrument, but she didn't understand how such a small weapon could hurt or even kill someone. A kind of smile appeared on her face as she was struck by the thought that if she had known how to use the dagger before, she might not have suffered so much “Yes” Her response is firm “I don't know if I'm wearing the right clothes to learn” Look at the dress she was wearing “But I really want to learn”.

[savijordayne]

“I've been plaiting my hair since I was twelve” Savita says spontaneously, remembering her celebration as a little girl when she managed to plait her own hair for the first time “I just can't be as fast as you” She jokes, looking at Devani's agile movements “I hope she has the same patience with me, I tend to learn things quickly, but still... I don't want to cause a problem” He looks at the older girl, decreeing that he wouldn't want to stress her out in any way.

“I love them, they're such little beings who depend on you for almost everything. All right, I guess I'm a bit more of a baby lover” She laughed, realizing that she was describing children who couldn't even speak “The older ones are nice too, of course, some of them are more difficult because of what they've been through... but with a little love, everything works out” A smile appears on his face “It's my motto, the more love I give, the more love I get”  Or at least it was, Savita didn't know if she agreed with it anymore “They really do repeat everything we say, like little parrots”

“Of course I'd like to hear it” She replies excitedly “In Lys? Weren't you afraid of getting caught?” Breaking into something was completely terrifying for Savita, she didn't have the skills or even the courage for it “You're a dangerous woman” She jokes.

Savita walked beside Lady Torland with unsure steps, trying to understand what mental lapse had made her accept this proposal. But now it was too late to refuse, so all she could do was memorize every detail of the village's landscape. One part of Jordayne wondered why Devani had chosen this place in the kind of village where there were so many.

Turning her gaze to the basket that was being woven; a beautiful piece of handiwork that the women there were doing, a part of Savi found herself smiling, filled with a genuine feeling of curiosity and... in parts, excitement. She could do so many things with this work, promote a sale, export and put the money in the hands of these women to improve their living conditions. There were so many possibilities for the Savita of the past to choose from “It's lovely” She says to Devani, a little shyly “It looks like braids in your hair... very pretty” She bit the inside of her cheek, picking up the material in front of her to try to start making her own basket. 

“Usually more with children, I teach them the alphabet, how to put vowels and consonants together” She's honest, recalling the times she missed Tor “It made mums worry less about the problems their little ones could get into” She begins the process of weaving her own basket, reproducing the steps Devani had taught her: ‘What adventures did you have there? In Essos?’.

[savijordayne]

Savita walked beside Lady Torland with unsure steps, trying to understand what mental lapse had made her accept this proposal. But now it was too late to refuse, so all she could do was memorize every detail of the village's landscape. One part of Jordayne wondered why Devani had chosen this place in the kind of village where there were so many.

Turning her gaze to the basket that was being woven; a beautiful piece of handiwork that the women there were doing, a part of Savi found herself smiling, filled with a genuine feeling of curiosity and... in parts, excitement. She could do so many things with this work, promote a sale, export and put the money in the hands of these women to improve their living conditions. There were so many possibilities for the Savita of the past to choose from “It's lovely” She says to Devani, a little shyly “It looks like braids in your hair... very pretty” She bit the inside of her cheek, picking up the material in front of her to try to start making her own basket. 

“Usually more with children, I teach them the alphabet, how to put vowels and consonants together” She's honest, recalling the times she missed Tor “It made mums worry less about the problems their little ones could get into” She begins the process of weaving her own basket, reproducing the steps Devani had taught her: ‘What adventures did you have there? In Essos?’.

closed starter for @savijordayne

was it her brightest idea to invite savita jordayne into toland lands? perhaps, but devani was no stranger to following her whims. if her gut told her to do something, she listened to it - and though she entirely expected savita to turn down her invitation, she had not. devi brought her not to the castle of ghost hill, nor any of the other keeps that lay in the hills. instead, she brought her to the village, where the smallfolk lived and worked. aditya toland was a rare sight for the people of the hills, but devani was not.

"like this," she explained, slowing down the movements of her fingers to demonstrate the best way to weave the tough leaves before them into a basket. it was a trade many of the women of the village had learned at their mother's knee, and they gathered together, trading gossip and song whilst they worked. "there you go. under then over, it'll all come together in the end."

it was not an activity chosen at random. devani had found people often talked more freely when their hands moved, the repetitive movements in themselves therapeutic. she didn't particularly need savita to talk to her - but if she wanted to, she would not stop her, would listen to what she had to say.

"do you spend much time amongst the smallfolk in the tor?" she decided not to jump straight to the elephant in the room, rather, leading with small talk. small steps. "i didn't much, before i left dorne, but i suppose i developed a taste for it in essos. didn't have much choice, mind you, given that i was pretending to be one of the smallfolk."

[savijordayne]

Savita was once again wandering in the vastness of her mind, disconnected from the outside world. Ever since her assault, Jordayne had been unable to hold on to any one subject for long. Basically, dissociation had become her best friend and apparently, her time in Myr hadn't made as much of an improvement as she had thought. But there she kept busy all the time, the scenery not reminding her every moment of what had happened.

“What?” She blinks, startled by the drastic change in her friend Elia's tone of voice “Of course I'm listening to you” She scratches his throat, blinking his eyes frantically in an attempt to pull himself back to reality “Of course, Elia... I mean, how can her husband accept a situation like that?” Tries to make amends in front of the brunette, but when he hears her next words, his mouth fills with a metallic bitterness.

“Maybe horses haven't suffered things like I have” she rebuts, in the same tone as her friend's comment “I've already explained it to you, Elia, there are times when I can't control it, but I'm still listening to you” Her tone became a little choked, mixed with the desire to cry and the anger that was growing. Since everything had happened, Savita had become a ticking time bomb of anger and tears. 

closed starter for @savijordayne

"and we all know that child was not conceived in their marriage bed," she spoke of myriam allyrion, and her new husband. it was the latest in a series of embarrassments to house martell, all of it tracing back to one root cause, one woman. if she had disliked myriam before, now there was a seed of paranoia within elia that was blooming into something she didn't like.

she turned to glance at savita then, a woman who had been elia's companion since girlhood. many of elia's fondest memories were formed in savita's company, but all of those took place in the time before her ordeal with lord toland. it was not that elia was without sympathy - but the more time past, the more she was at a loss with savita. she wanted her friend back, not this pale imitation that looked like her, but acted so drastically different.

"are you listening, savita?" her sigh was exasperated. "i swear, some days i think my horses listen to me better than you do."

[savijordayne]

Savita Jordayne's brown eyes were locked on the dagger lying in front of her. Thinking about the choice she had to make. The old Savita would readily deny it, saying that she had never been a woman made for war and defenses like this. However, who she was now fought with the will to do something with her own hands. Determined, she picked up the dagger and wrapped her fingers tightly around its hilt; pondering its weight and what could be done with the weapon. 

Savita wasn't naive, she knew the purpose of such an instrument, but she didn't understand how such a small weapon could hurt or even kill someone. A kind of smile appeared on her face as she was struck by the thought that if she had known how to use the dagger before, she might not have suffered so much “Yes” Her response is firm “I don't know if I'm wearing the right clothes to learn” Look at the dress she was wearing “But I really want to learn”.

closed starter for @savijordayne

there were no words of greeting when halima approached the youngest jordayne, no small talk to ease into conversation. that was not halima's way. if she had ever possessed gentle edges, they had long since been carved away, shaped into something sharper, more dangerous.

and yet, it was not cruelty or malice that compelled her to seek out savita jordayne. cruelty had been a constant companion for halima yronwood, but today, she had left it at the door, instead practising something that was far more unfamiliar to her, a stranger glimpsed only in conversations with others, that did not deign to look her way ; kindness.

perhaps safeerah had made an impression on her after all.

the dagger in her hand was small, all the better to conceal, but wickedly sharp, and yet, she flipped it in her hand, catching the blade without allowing it to cut the flesh of her palm, and offered savita the hilt. her ordeal with the toland lord was no secret, something all of dorne knew of now. it had marked her as weak, an easy target. halima was not given to offering comfort, there would be no words of sympathy from her lips, but she could offer this - the promise that the next person to think to take advantage of that weakness would be the last.

"would you like me to teach you to use this?" she did not bother to voice the reason why savita might want that. if she needed too, then the girl was too big a fool to be trusted with a blade in the first place.

[savijordayne]

[savijordayne]

❛❛ What did she do to suffer this? Lady Jordayne helps everyone, doesn't she? Was it revenge? ❜❜ ── questions raised by people.

[savijordayne]

STORY ▮ ❛ MARKED BY PAIN ❜ ──

Savita had always been a young girl with a spirit as radiant as a warm summer breeze, known for her infectious laugh, the kind a pig makes when she gets too excited, and for the affection with which she treated everyone around her. Perhaps it was because of her upbringing or because of the security she felt in her home, her intimate refuge where she could be stupid and jockey without fear, where she chatted in the ear of her beloved sister, Sefeerah. The important thing was that she was a young woman untouched by the evils of life, not naïve, but believing enough that none of this would happen to her. 

An idealizer, perhaps even a dreamer, who chose to see the world the way she wanted it to be. With a good life for everyone, or a minimally dignified one for those who weren't lucky enough to be born with a noble name. Savita had such concerns from a very young age; as a child she would steal bread from her kitchen and give it to the first needy-looking person who came her way, as a teenager she managed to feed more than 10 children during the week and as an adult she decided to venture explicitly into the court. 

An almost stupid idea when you think about it: how could someone as noble as her have a say in the people's affairs? In a way, not even Savita knew, she was no saint blessed to change everything, she had no power to do so and frankly, she didn't want to - she was charitable, not stupid, she knew that demanding too much in a place where selfishness reigned was dangerous. A dangerous one that is easily ensnared if it is put in the name of the honor and glory of the lords. Everything would become easy if every donation, every collection was understood as a favor from the crown to its people; a people who would come to love completely those who thought of them.  Savita chose to use this as a shield so as not to be seen as a revolutionary, but still have a voice within it all. The voice of the poor and unfortunate.

Over time, this became her function within the entire court of Dorne; she wasn't a ruling lady, she didn't belong to a direct heir line, so this was Savita's way of finding a function, of feeling useful. Some people understood her intentions, appreciated her spirit of solidarity, others considered her just a young woman wanting the limelight, and others considered her annoyingly chatty. But frankly, the young Jordayne didn't give a damn, no one would have the courage to hurt her for helping the poor, the donations were so minimal that she knew - or at least hoped - that they wouldn't hurt the pockets of fortunate lords like those in Dorne. 

One day, however, the tranquility of her life was cruelly interrupted, being unexpectedly assaulted was something Savi never expected to happen, she didn't even know how to react as she felt the pain take over her body with every injury she received, she just stared at Lord Aditya Toland in disbelief and partly inert. It was as if her body was a hostage to everything that was happening. Savita felt weak and fragile. Something she had never felt before. In the end, Lady Jordayne was devastated and scarred not only physically, but also emotionally. 

The gratuitous violence left a deep trauma in Savita's soul, and her once vibrant joy was replaced by a constant shadow of fear and mistrust. For her, everyone was a potential aggressor, everyone could have seen her as a big target. With this fear and thought, the girl began to avoid public places and social gatherings, fearing that the same cruelty would be repeated. She closed herself up in a cocoon so as not to be reached. Savi felt sad, she saw the sadness in her sister's heart, and it got worse; the comments from the outside didn't help either. There came times when she wished she didn't exist, that she could simply become a piece of furniture in the house and be forgotten. 

Safeerah was the pillar that still kept Savita alive, being an anchor in the kind of storm Jordayne was facing. Until she left, Savi did everything she could, at her sister's request, to get better, to get back to the way she was, to get away from any comments, but life was never the same. Places full of movement and the dance events she loved so much came to be viewed negatively by Jordayne; she took part, but her mind still terrorized her, as did the rage that grew in her heart, the anger she couldn't express about everything, after all, the Jordayne's had always been peaceful... if she wasn't, wouldn't she be one more? Savita didn't want to lose the only thing that still made her feel alive.