scattered-thoughts-of-me

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

Haven’t written is awhile....my mind has been going everywhere....anyone ever else feel like that? Just ciaos up there...lol.... 

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching these last few months.... trying to overcome the loss of my father.... I know that my parents will not live forever, I knew this before and now.... but it is an unimaginable heartache when it does actually happen!  I’ve never felt so lost after that happened.  It was like the breath was yanked out of me.  I can’t even begin to imagine what my mom feels like!  She puts on a brave face for us all....but we are all adults, we know she is also feeling lost....I need to remember that my dad would not want us to be so sad...he’d want us to live in the moment, laugh, tell dirty jokes, drink whiskey... so I’m trying to live by these rules...live in the moment more...find some spiritual guidance(been trying to meditate more)...live like my dad wanted to... 

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

Insomnia-3,920,578; Me- much less than that.  You know I will be perfectly ready for bed and as soon as the lights go out my brain laughs at me and says “fuck you!” “we aren’t going to sleep tonight”  Then my brain precedes to think of every little thing imaginable! I’ve tried everything- calming music, meditation, sleepy time tea, eye masks, ice packs, freezing rooms.... I’m just so damn tired..... School will be starting up soon.... hopefully Insomnia you leave before then....

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

Do you ever have those random nights where your brain won’t shut off, even though your body feels like five hundred pounds of exhausted.

Becky Albertalli (via quotemadness)

O.M.G  this is almost every night for me...

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

This is something I constantly struggle with.... especially in the last year where I lost both my dad and my younger cousin to cancer.... It will be one year for my dad on September 26th.  There are still a lot of what if questions that constantly go through my mind...I wish my dad had more time to live.... he didn’t even get to really enjoy his retirement because he became ill during his last few months of work...Life is just not fair sometimes... It is comforting to know that he is no longer in pain...So I am trying my best to live in the moment and not waiting for a “better time” because my dad would want me too....

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

Fun evening with live music, good beer, and great company!

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

Believe in yourself!  Stay true to you!  If you don’t like something in your life, then fix it!  you are in charge of your destiny!  No one else is responsible for it!  I’ve worked with many different individuals over the years that complain about their jobs or lives but don’t actually do anything to fix it.... I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to TRY!!! 

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

I’ve been definitely living  in my comfort zone too long.... with my job, my looks, my life... time to shake things up a little..... Starting small....going out next week with my brother’s girlfriend.... we don’t know each other well and she was kind of enough to invite me out...usually my anxiety would hold me back and I would make an excuse as to why I couldn’t go....but not this time.... it’s time to stop letting my anxiety get the best of me!!!

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

This is my absolute favorite childhood book!!!  In fact I would love to have a few quotes as tattoos!!  I resonate with Mary!  As a child, I was painfully shy and at times, hard to make friends.  I remember watching the movie at school and falling in love with the story about a girl who finds this abandoned garden on her Uncle’s grounds.  I love that she wanted to learn about the story behind it and I also think she helped her uncle overcome with his own fears and grief.  Every few years, I re-read the book and it is still wonderful.  I hope they don’t ever update this story because it will lose that wonderful story...  As a child, reading allowed me to go into different worlds with different book friends... it was my hideaway... Now as an adult, I have a great group of friends who love books as much as I do.  

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

You Ever feel that you are in an everyday slump?  I often feel like this!  I think that’s why it is important to challenge ourselves and do things that might be out of our comfort zone.... It’s absolutely easier said than done...At 43 I’m just starting to realize that I need to live more and challenge myself more to live life to the fullest!  It is never too late!  No regrets!

[scattered-thoughts-of-me]

Rainy Day Thoughts

Hello!

I’m new to this whole blogging thing.....well I have a Bookstagram account where I talk about books and anything related to books and reading.  I thought I could use this platform as sort of an online journal; a way to work through my thoughts... 

   Today is raining and hailing...possibly a tornado...which is rare for here.... this rain suites my mood though....I find it very calming...weird I know...but I really enjoy a good storm...Who else loves a good storm?