schrodingersdiary
schrodingersdiary
the blogger is both alive and dead
18 posts
but the blogger wishes they were just gone
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schrodingersdiary · 16 days ago
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I'm fully aware that I'm so deeply traumatized and have been failed so aggressively and intentionally that I am a vicious dog lashing out at anything that comes near me, but I think it's important to note: that is not so very abnormal anymore. And that's a fucking problem.
It's certainly not what's going on with the majority of people, but "mental illness isn't real because EVERYBODY is mentally ill now" isn't a clever little riposte, it's an admission that conditions are so fucking dire that almost all of us are too badly damaged to understand what normal even is anymore.
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schrodingersdiary · 16 days ago
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@newreputations @heydocverdant
SHOULD I JUST LET THEM TAKE MY NEIGHBORS?
SHOULD I JUST LET THEM?
SHOULD I JUST LET THEM??
SHOULD I JUST LET THEM????
you would have let them take me because the Shoah was fully legal and you don't want to be a """criminal""". After all, unlike the filthy subhumans they were exterminating for the good of society, the Nazis didn't break a single crime. they went through all the proper channels to make it so! isn't that just so much more RESPECTABLE?
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Sorry that’s the last straw we’re putting demsoc grandpa down
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schrodingersdiary · 11 months ago
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Having your main anxiety response be Avoidance is crazy cause you'll think you're chillin and then one day you're like waitttt I've been paralyzed with fear this whole time. Damn
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schrodingersdiary · 11 months ago
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they should invent a searching for jobs that doesn't open a miles-deep pit of despair and rage within me that gets deeper and wider with every scroll because it's all shit that is impossible for me to do because I am not a real human like other people
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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applying for jobs seems to mostly consist of lying and submitting to indignities, which is whatever. but it is very difficult for me to override my innate instinct that anyone demanding i write a cover letter has insulted me so greatly that the only way to retain my honor is violence
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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every time I think about my gender I get confused so I simply stopped thinking about it. it is not my problem
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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theres nothing fun about being a NEET
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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In 1961 the nation of France colluded from citizen to government to hunt down and mass-drown algerians, over 400 in one night and thousands more over weeks. People at every level of society worked together to capture & turn in or participate in torturing and murdering their neighbors for being the wrong ethnicity. That kind clockwork-smooth, absolute-majority complicity and cooperation across class lines in doing so is... culturally noteworthy.
Their biggest union movement in decades was also a movement to punish, exterminate and/or exile french Jews and immigrants. They've come as close to declaring being muslim straight up illegal as they can without instantly triggering a religious war. Their police also brutalize and kill black and brown people with little or no pushback. Et cetera.
So what I tend to hear when people say "France is so much better than the US!" is "they have more benefits for white people than my current nation AND I get to keep the racist police state!"
SO glad that france officially made abortion a constitutional right but i think people saying “france is going in the right direction, light years ahead of the USA” have all forgotten about all the racism????? hijabs and abayas are illegal in public schools and have recently been banned for french athletes in the 2024 paris olympics. france is actively making anti-muslim legislature. do not praise them without knowing what they’ve done
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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listening to phil collins
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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It's probably not good when your automatic response to any attempt to reach out or cry for help is to punish yourself so bad you can't anymore huh
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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victims tend not to have a ton of "faith" that the people around them would suddenly stop abusing and killing them if only there was no such thing as civil rights anymore or w/e
my lived experience has always been that no good deed goes unpunished, and people can & will eagerly hurt me to the maximum limit they think they can get away with. I'm not optimistic that my abusers would be nicer if they perceived themselves as being bound by nothing at all anymore
The xtians who waterboarded me at age 5 to force me to convert, the white supremacists who followed my dad home and jumped me on my sixth birthday, the lifeguards who regularly held me underwater at the pool or forced me off the highboard because they thought it was funny to watch my hysterical fear, the teachers from 1st-6th grade who raised their hands to me, made me sit on the floor, publicly humiliated me for crying & took my medications away so I would get sick as punishment for being abnormal, the unventilated closet that same school locked me in every day for six weeks as punishment for hitting one of my bullies back just ONCE, the adults who exposed me to extreme BDSM and sexual violence and groomed me so that even now experiencing fear around sex or sexual violence gives me the compulsion to self-harm as punishment for being a "prude"...
not that it's this person's problem or anybody's problem but I'm increasingly ready to just finally jump off the bridge downtown so I don't have to keep fighting for a future that will never, ever be soft to me anyways. anarchy, socialism, communism, capitalism, they all have no use for a broken animal like me
I can't work, I'm mentally physically and emotionally damaged beyond repair, every healthcare provider I've approached for physical OR mental care has always gone "wow that's completely overwhelming and I don't want to deal with that, good luck tho!" Is my neighbor suddenly going to agree to help me for no particular benefit in a world where securing everything he needs to live is now entirely and exclusively on his own shoulders and ability to make himself valuable to the local community? or is the answer for people like me still going to be "figure it out on your own or just kill yourself already"
If law and the government are dismantled and you all get to live this great life you're suggesting will become the norm, I'm happy for you, but no matter what happens, I'm never going to get to see it. Hope and the future are for human people, not tools and vermin
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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it's real ashamed and worthless hours over here lads
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schrodingersdiary · 1 year ago
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Me: damn this situation I'm in sure isn't ideal, what am I gonna do about this
Suicidal Ideation Man who lives in my brain: perhaps I have a suggestion ☝️🤓
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