scouts-real-husband

[scouts-real-husband]

lurker anon I love you. I love you lurker anon

[scouts-real-husband]

anyone got any requests? I want to write a lot this afternoon before my classes start so I have stuff to post when I'm too busy.

[scouts-real-husband]

hello is this mcdonalds?

great! can i order sick headcannons with the mercs (reader is the sick one. idk how else to clarify that)

okay coolio bye then

-apple anon ✌️

haha imagine being sick. enjoy covid, apple :)

(disclaimer, i'm not mean to anyone else. I just know apple IRL.)

When you're sick - headcanons

All the mercs (+ Ms. Pauling) x G/N reader

(I added Pilot because pretending my OC is a canon character is fun.)

Fluff

Scout:

Ok, let's be honest, you aren't getting a lot in terms of anything genuinely helpful to your health.

He'll sit at the edge of your bed and keep you company, rattling off about his day or the current happening around the base.

He lived with seven older brothers, thus naturally developed a pretty good immune system. He'll snuggle with and kiss you all over. He'll get under the covers, too. He's taking a nap there. You don't get to kick him out. Here's there forever now.

Will get you a juice or something, but don't expect him to get you anything you'd need to cook.

Soldier:

Sick?? You shouldn't be sick!! It's those damn communists contaminating the water supply, he swears by it.

Nonetheless, he will be sure to stay by your side and give you an honorable burial if you were to perish. Not that you will! You're a strong american man (regardless of your nationality. or gender. just go with it, it'll make him happy.), and he knows you'll pull through.

Stands at the foot of your bed doing surveillance. You're at your most vulnerable, so he has to keep watch!!

He cannot cook. Good lord he cannot cook. He'll try though for you, but you better expect it to taste or look horrible.

Pyro:

Will prance to your room, move all of their stuff in there, and have sleepovers with you until you're better.

They'll color with you, bring you snacks and treats, and spend a lot of time with you in general.

They don't really get sick themself, partially due to wearing the mask all the time, so they don't know exactly how to take care of you on the practical side of things, but they'll grab you anything you want if you ask them!!

Demoman:

He knows a lot about being sick. Mainly due to hangovers, but he's pretty experienced in terms of getting sick, so he knows what to do in a lot of cases.

He's making you a hot toddy if your throat is sore. (He's making one for himself too.)

Will offer a bunch of weird remedies that he swears by, which only a handful usually work. His eagerness to help you out usually wins over you though, so you end up trying them.

Heavy:

I think he would be one of the best to care for you. He took care of his family when he lived with them (and still visits!), so he'd for sure know exactly what to do for you.

Makes a mean soup. It's his mother's recipe, so you better compliment it.

Can and will pick you up and carry you to other rooms if you want a change of scenery. He doesn't much care about getting sick himself, and he can usually power through it if it spreads to him, so don't worry about giving him your germs. Just don't kiss him or anything, he's not that interested in getting sick.

Will take you to Medic if he thinks it's getting bad.

Engineer:

Okay, this might be a controversial take, but I think he'd be absolute dogwater at taking care of you.

MAN CAN'T EVEN GET UP FOR A GLASS OF WATER FOR HIMSELF IF HE'S WORKING, AND YOU EXPECT HIM TO TAKE CARE OF A WHOLE 'NOTHER PERSON???

Okay, he'll try.

He'll talk to Medic to see what can be done for you, might move some of the stuff he's tinkering on so you can spend time with him if you want, He might make you a snack if he has the time, but probably not much more than that.

He genuinely cares about you, but he doesn't exactly have the resources or time to be with you the whole duration of your sickness.

Medic:

Sick? Under his watch? Impossible. The second you start showing symptoms of anything, no matter how small, he is testing you for everything under the sun.

Be prepared to spend ninety percent of your time in the medbay, because he's running tests on you like there's no tomorrow.

Will give you so many pills or random liquids to down, and not tell you what a single one does.

He's definitely giving you a remedy of his own invention that may or may not be banned in multiple US states.

Sniper:

Now this is a man who can take care of you when you're sick.

He has a lot of knowledge on how to help, because his mother would always talk about what she was doing or making to help him feel better whenever he was sick growing up.

He knows (and can probably cook) whatever meals will help get your energy back, he knows what medicine to get from Medic, and he'll do his best to make you all comfy cozy.

He'll probably call his parents if he doesn't know what to do in a specific case, as he doesn't really want you spending too much time in the medbay. It's just overly sterile and serious in there, and he knows that a comforting atmosphere can be better for trying to recover from being sick.

Spy:

He will reluctantly bring you a few things, but do not expect him to spend time with you.

He is wearing a facemask when entering your room, giving a brief greeting while bringing you food or something, and leaving. If you ask him to stay, he will not.

I feel like he would have mildly germaphobic tendencies, just based on how clean he tries to keep on a regular basis.

The only reason he even bothers to bring you anything is because he thinks you're the least annoying and wouldn't survive being around everyone else if you died.

A little melodramatic, but he's got the spirit.

Ms. Pauling:

Let's be honest, she wouldn't have the time to take care of you.

She'll make an effort to tell the others to make sure you're doing okay and are fed and given proper care, but she probably won't be able to do anything past that.

WE STILL LOVE HER THOUGH.

Pilot:

Pilot is a little bit of a mess, but will try his best.

He usually makes food for everyone when nobody wants prepackaged meals, so he's got quite a bit of soup-making experience.

Is the comforting king. Will let you lay your head in his lap and sleep while he reads or writes. Will gently play with your hair if you want him to.

He'll get you a ginger ale and swear that it helps. It tastes good, but it's unclear if it actually helps with nausea or a sore throat.

Let him kiss you. He will get so sick, but he wants to kiss you so bad. He doesn't care that he's getting your germs, he just wants to comfort you.

[scouts-real-husband]

FURRY PLIOT REAL?!

(the answer may shock you)

Spent yesterday and early today looking for animals native to Canada, Canada Lynx won out in the end because they jump so high it gives the illusion of flight/gliding at times (plus I like the shape language) :0

Thinking about coloring it in later, so I can do more doodles (though we’ll see, I don’t want to color Pilot inaccurately)

@scouts-real-husband

[scouts-real-husband]

watching emesis blue for the first time, and i'm thinking about where pilot could fit in with all of this because I can never stop thinking about my OCs.

I have the opportunity to do something really funny.

[scouts-real-husband]

hi i love your blog so muchhhhhhhhh and also i need you carnally /silly

can we pretty please get more scunt ? :3

@schrodingers-freak

YOU NEED ME WHAT-

[scouts-real-husband]

just a note!

my college classes start on Monday, so expect fics to drastically slow down from that point on! I know I've been posting daily, but it'll probably become more weekly from this point on.

[scouts-real-husband]

hi! request wowowowowow

okay your other anon has very detailed requests and i dont but thats okay (i hope).

okay so in his introduction video, sniper says "professionals have standards" right? okay now reader character is pathetic wet napkin with negative survival/self preservation instincts and so sniper discovers he does not, in fact, have standards. and he just has to save their ass all the time.

if any of that makes sense i will be amazed

also can i be apple anon pretty please

i had so much fun writing this that i let it get away from me. how dare you, apple anon. you gave me a new favorite character.

No Standards

Sniper x G/N reader

(content warning-ish? Snipes calls reader a cunt at one point. I dunno if that would upset anyone, but i decided to warn just in case. it's in a friendly context.)

Fluff

Oneshot

Sniper is a simple man. He’s quick, to the point, and efficient. He stays in the background, away from any potential complications. That’s one of the reasons he chose his job in the first place. Staying away from everything was necessary, after all. He was a professional. And he had standards. 

However. 

There was one little problem. A thorn in his side that he just couldn’t seem to get rid of, and honestly? The more he thought about it, the more he didn’t want to get rid of it.

This little, bumbling fool of a mercenary was his problem. You never seemed to do anything quite right. You were always walking into danger like it was a coffee shop on a casual tuesday afternoon, always trying your best, but that ultimately getting you into more trouble down the line. It was comical how bad you were at your job. Sure there were some redeeming qualities about you. Right? You had the ability to read, unlike Scout. You weren’t a stark raving madman, unlike Medic. You weren’t getting blackout drunk on a weeknight almost daily, unlike Demo. You were decently good at interacting with people on a regular basis, unlike Sniper himself. But honestly, there wasn’t much else you were good for, putting it bluntly.

But the fact that you were such a small fry meant the other team tended to pick on you. Snipes couldn’t count how many times he’d seen you trying to get away from the enemy team’s Scout (which, running from a Scout was a futile effort and he didn’t understand how you don’t realize it), or about to be stabbed in the back by the enemy Spy. Of course he had to save you when that happened, it was his job. 

Until it wasn’t.

He found himself looking around for you specifically whenever he got into position, always keeping an eye on you in his peripheral vision to make sure you were safe. But it wasn’t until his thoughts wandered to you whenever he was trying to focus that he realized something was wrong.

Were you okay?

Were you helping everyone out like you usually tried to?

Were you looking for his hiding spots so you could wave up at him wherever you caught him looking at you and eventually blow his cover that way?

He couldn’t help but think of you. 

And that’s when he started missing shots. There goes his efficiency. Then he started lagging as he wondered if you were okay before every shot. There goes his quickness. And when he wanted to talk to you about it, he could never find a way to bring up the topic. There went his pointedness. All his fancy standards that he went on and on about, being a respectable assassin and all, gone. 

He knew something was wrong. He hadn’t even realized what it was until he was talking to his mum on the phone one evening. He’d been ranting about you and how you made his job so much harder, with how he couldn’t get your dumb face out of his mind. He didn’t know what was happening, and why he was getting so worked up over one of his coworkers. His mum only laughed knowingly, telling him to think over why he’d be thinking all of that, rather than how everything felt in the moment. He decided to take her advice, pretty much because she was the only person he could really talk to about his feelings, but he trusted her. It hadn’t led him astray thus far, right?

Which led to now.

He was sitting on the roof of his camper van under the stars, coffee in hand (decaf, he just needed the comforting taste of it, but didn’t want to be awake for too much longer. He has a bedtime schedule he’d like to upkeep.) with his sunglasses and hat cast aside. Honestly it was embarrassing just how difficult it was to figure out what you meant to him. He’d always been the quiet kid, and now that he was grown, he kept serious and to the shadows. He’d never made any friends that he cared enough about to want to keep around, and building relationships now might as well be a lost cause due to the demands of his job.

But now he had to take all that lack of social experience, and somehow figure out where you sat on the relationship scale. He’d say you’re a work acquaintance normally, but he said that about everyone. What were you to him, really? 

You were a bloody annoyance, clearly. But there was something he found endearing about your dumb refusal to ever let anything get you down. You were pathetic, in all honesty. But you were fun to hang around with. You knew when to shut your trap and enjoy a quiet moment. You had a mighty nice face to look at, and that-

Well, that was something that Snipes had just externally realized, but it didn’t matter.

You were awfully sweet to him more often than not. Probably too sweet for how indifferent he acted in return. Or thought he acted, anyway. But there was so much going on with you that Sniper knew he said he didn’t like. You were chaotic, unpredictable, a liability, even. But there was still something he just loved about it. You were exciting, a breath of fresh air, and very entertaining to watch. Seriously. You trip over random shit and eat concrete because of it on a daily basis. He’d be a liar if he said he hadn’t laughed once or twice at you, but he always checked in afterwards. Just a short: “Crikey! Y’alright?”

And you always shot back with that little smile of yours, saying it was just a scratch. Even if it wasn’t.

Snipes could feel his face getting warmer just thinking about your smile. Thinking about that dumb optimism. Thinking about you. It was cheesy as all hell. He realized he was gripping his coffee mug too tight, and realized he was too tired for this. He scooped up his things, and decided to turn in for the night.

He’d figure out the rest tomorrow. Maybe actually talk to you about it. 

. . .

The following day was taken up by him trying harder than normal in the match against the BLUs, but still not being enough. It was getting frustrating, this little feelings problem. He tracked you down that evening, knowing how difficult it’d be to actually talk. But if he didn’t get all this out, he knew he’d be stuck in this infuriating cycle of distraction and frustration. He’d planned out what he was going to say at the start, just so he wouldn’t make a fool of himself. But once he’d actually found you and started talking, his mind went blank.

“Uh- Hey, mate.” “Hey Snipes.” You greeted him back, a little preoccupied by trying to pick out a tiny splinter from your fingertip. A little fitting, seeing as that’s what he was trying to do right now. Sniper cleared his throat, sitting down on the wooden crate you were using as a back rest. He didn’t know why you were in the storage room, but it was one of your frequent hangout spots. 

“Yeah. Hey.” He cleared his throat, mentally stabbing himself directly in the guts for sounding so dumb. “Just wanted t’ ask ya- or rather, say that- Well, I was wondering if-“ Dammit, where was his brain going? It was like it simply popped out of his skull and ran off, leaving him to trip over his words and make a fool of himself. He took a deep breath and just decided to get it out. No way he could bail now, coming so close to fixing his little problem. “What I’m try’na say is you’re causing a real fuss for me when I’m try’na work. It’s distracting.”

That sounded meaner than he meant it to.

You stopped focusing on the splinter in your finger, looking up at Sniper. He felt his face get uncomfortably hot. “So you were covering me.” You grinned, seeing Snipes go still. You did seem to feel a little bad about what he said. “Sorry about that, though. You don’t have to keep doing that-” 

“-Nah, nah it’s fine. Don’t even worry about it.” He interrupted, rubbing the back of his neck and shaking his head. “There’s just somethin’ about you I can’t get outta my head, and I was wondering if ya-.” he sighed. “I dunno.” He rubbed his temples, before crossing his arms and shaking his head.

Sniper took in a deep breath, looking down at you as you sat on the floor. He could tell you had something to say. 

“Any particular reason I’m in your head so much? Do you like me?” You asked, prompting him to go red and look away, tilting the brim of his hat downwards in an effort to keep his dignity intact. You’re tone wasn’t teasing though. It had a sense of earnest to it that just seemed so juvenile, yet Snipes found himself a little envious of that fact.

“Bloody hell, ya really have no sense of shame, do ya?”

“Not really. When you walk around looking like an idiot most of the time, the rest of your inhibitions seem to leave. Also just kind of how I am I guess.”

“Oh, rack off, ya cunt. Nobody’s that forward.” He scoffed, though a grin cracked through his mildly awkward demeanor as he glanced back at you. It was cute. One of his hands landed on your head, ruffling your hair and laughing softly at your reaction. “But if we’re being blunt about it, Yeah. Yeah I do. Took me a damn good while to figure it out, though.”

You found yourself grinning up at Sniper, not really surprised, but still happy. You chatted enough with the other mercs to hear about what they observed from the titular Aussie, and mixing that with your own time spent with him, you kind of figured it out. It wasn’t like he was exactly subtle as well, probably seeming a little more aloof in his head than he actually was. You stood up, trying to ignore the itch of the almost forgotten splinter in your fingertip. You faced Sniper, smiling at him and his red face. Yeah, he 100% thought he was keeping himself together more than was evident in the moment. 

“Well, maybe we could spend some time together, then. Time that isn’t on the clock, I mean. That’d be fun, right?” You asked, placing your hands on your hips and tilting your head. 

“Yeah, I’d like that. Maybe take a road trip in the camper sometime? I know a couple good camping spots.” He found himself agreeing with you, silently giddy at your eagerness to spend time with him.

“Awesome. I’d be down! Oh and uh- just to clarify, I do like you back. In case you were wondering.”

He shook his head, smiling at your stating of the obvious. He appreciated it nonetheless.

“Figured. Thanks though. But don’t go gettin’ yerself mauled by some animal. Just seems on-brand for ya.”

“Wasn’t planning on it. Hopefully.”

Sniper liked things to be simple. He was a cut and dry professional with standards.

Standards that meant practically nothing the second he thought about you.

[scouts-real-husband]

Enough.

Pilot has this fear. Looking at all of his teammates and how they have "their one thing", he feels inadequate compared to them. Feels like he shouldn't be on the team.

But at the end of everything, he realizes that he has as much of a space to fill as anyone else. And while there are things he's envious of that the others can do, he finds his own individuality and becomes comfortable in his place among the mercs.

anyway I love projecting onto my characters

[scouts-real-husband]

I despise drawing humans with a passion but… Pilot exists sooo I’ll just have to suck it up; take this sketch of me trying to understand how to draw the funny Canadian @scouts-real-husband

[scouts-real-husband]

Pilot voice claim drop when? 🗣️

i rushed to make this as fast as possible

just imagine a Canadian accent. Like- pronouncing it "sore-ee" when saying sorry and whatnot.

hope you like him :D

[scouts-real-husband]

Hello it is I, Lurker anon, the man that requests all the time despite having a name that would allude to me never being here—live in ya walls bud. Pilot looks mighty drawable… give me a bit :)

- Lurker anon

brb just putting on some lipstick

[scouts-real-husband]

Something headcanons? Bet, munch on this: (dealer’s choice on who) Mercenaries on a road trip—reader can be there too (the semantics of dynamic like s/o or gen is up to ya) if you want. You have freedom to do whatever you want with this one, headcanons on how they would be in a long-term journey to whatever just sounds interesting to me (who is driving, who’s eating all the snacks, who’s using the map, etc.)

(what do you do when work stresses you out bad? Escapism y’all :>)

- Lurker anon

lurker with the amazing requests as always!! i promise i'm not biased guys, he's just 90% of my inbox at all times. I also added all mercs because this was way too much fun to write. I'm thinking of making all mercs an option just for headcanons.

Roadtrip - headcanons

all mercs (I added in Ms. Pauling because I love her more than life itself) with a G/N reader

fluff

inspired by the chemverse series (specifically part 2) by @/the-teufort-nine ! I highly suggest you go read it!!

Scout:

Wants so bad to be in charge of the music, but everyone is so sick of his collection of solely Tom Jones CDs, so he's usually confined to the backseat without a choice in music.

Chanting for McDonald's every time the car passes one.

He can and will bring a random long stick to poke the driver from the backseat. If it's you driving, he might refrain, but it depends on if he wants you to like him for the duration of the trip.

Is the one that will talk while everyone else in the car is trying to sleep.

Do not give him the snack bag. He will eat all of it.

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we-"

Soldier:

Will stick his head out the window like a dog.

The rest of the team jokes about tying him to the roof of the vehicle, but he'd honestly have a ball doing it.

Do not give this man music privileges or he pulls up with this shit.

Doesn't drive, but gets road rage.

If you come across a bad driver and need to swerve or anything, Soldier sticks his head out of the window and yells at them at the top of his lungs, shaking his fist at them.

He might fall out of the car. He doesn't wear a seatbelt.

Don't expect him to fall asleep at any point. He wouldn't let himself. In such a vulnerable and small space without your weapons, he's just a little on edge. You could probably get him to calm down by offering snacks, but he'd still be looking out the windows at all times.

Pyro:

One of the best to drive with, surprisingly.

As long as you have music playing or games and snacks, Pyro is happily getting cozy and having a lovely time.

Speaking of, if Pyro is there, there will be blankets and stuffed animals galore. There must be at least one free seat for Pyro to put a few stuffed animals and click them in. It's a non-negotiable.

If they get bored, they'll stare out the window and pretend there are little guys running along the road and racing your car.

Of course you'll have to have a fire extinguisher in the vehicle, as Pyro will bring matches and play with them when they get bored.

Demoman:

He gets very motion sick. I can't explain it, but I just know it.

Pretty jovial guy to have around in general, but it gets to be a lot in the confined space of the car. It's all a good time though usually, and he can quiet down a little if people are trying to sleep or music is being played.

Do not let him drive. For the love of god, do not let him drive.

He's a competent enough navigator, but you're much better off with someone else when he's hopelessly drunk.

You better bring earplugs if Soldier's in there too, because they're gonna be yelling, arm wrestling (even if there's no surface to arm wrestle on), and throwing food at each other the entire time.

Heavy:

Navigator most of the time. He's very patient with whoever's driving (especially if it's you), and will always be clear with instructions.

Is a really good passenger as well, bringing a little bit of everything in case of emergencies. (snack emergencies are the most common.)

If you're driving at night and everyone else is asleep, expect a really nice philosophical conversation. either that or a full comprehensive breakdown on how all his guns work.

Engineer:

Has an old pickup truck that can fit three or maybe four people, but expect to be squished in with everyone else in the car unless you want to ride in the truckbed. There isn't a whole lot of space inside the truck itself.

He has that type of truck that just has a big bench instead of individual seats, so you can cozy up to Engie if you like. He'll put an arm around you to make sure you're safe. (His truck doesn't have seatbelts.)

He's a really good driver, but don't backseat drive or give any critiques on his driving. He won't say anything outright mean, but you'll get a nasty side eye.

He's got some soft country music going on the radio, and all in all it's a very chill time.

Medic:

He can probably drive. Not legally though. I don't think he'd bother to go and get a license. He finds the need for others' approval of his skills absurd after he got his medical license revoked.

Would backseat drive I'm afraid. And when you ask him if he'd rather be the one driving, he'd go:

"Nein."

and continue to judge your driving skills.

He has very good conversations with you if he's in the passenger seat though, and is rather entertaining to listen to. He has so many medical malpractice stories, it's insane.

Will bring the strangest snacks, and will swear they taste good. No they don't.

Sniper:

Is one of the only mercs who can actually drive and owns a vehicle, so he automatically drives for most of the trip. He'll make sure you get shotgun though.

The vibes in the camper are usually pretty good, but just be aware the AC is broken. The radio works though, but you gotta fiddle with it for a while to actually catch anything.

Snipes makes it look a lot easier to drive the camper than it actually is. He'll probably let you try driving if he wants to get some shut-eye, but if you're a bad driver he'll take the wheel back with a mildly critical comment.

Since the camper can fit quite a few people, you'll probably have to deal with a bit of noise.

But if you wanna go take a nap while Snipes drives, you're more than welcome to.

Spy:

Can drive, owns a really nice car, but does not let anyone else in it unless circumstances are dire. He keeps it clean, tidy, and in perfect condition.

If you eat in his car, you are basically volunteering to be murdered in your sleep.

He does not trust your music taste.

He does not trust your level of cleanliness when entering his vehicle.

He does not trust you with or around his vehicle. Period.

Ms. Pauling:

If she's tagging along with you, that probably means your little road trip is more work related than anything. But she's an absolute treat to have in the car.

She's a jack of all trades. Can navigate, has good music taste, always brings good snacks, will swap out with you if you get tired of driving, etc.

She'll most likely be bringing along paperwork to keep herself busy, but please smack it out of her hands and tell her to take a nap. She needs one desperately. Tell her you'll wake her up in 20 minutes so she can work. It'll convince her to get some shut eye.

Please give her passenger princess treatment. She deserves it so much.

[scouts-real-husband]

Quick question, can folks draw you fanart of Pilot? :0

i will kiss you on the mouth if you do.

[scouts-real-husband]

You know what? What if I just eat your blog and give you a glass of water. What then chief ? 🤫

- Lurker Anon

if you eat my blog i wont have anywhere to write :(

[scouts-real-husband]

NSFW alphabet - Engineer

gonna be honest, this is the one I've been waiting to write the most. I may be Scout's husband, but Engie is my wife.

G/N reader

smut under the cut!!

MDNI!

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

One of the better ones out of all the mercs. He's soft and tender with any partners, and that includes taking care of them afterwards!! He may be all tuckered out post-fuck, but will never forget to get you a drink of water, wipe you down or run you a bath, and give plenty of snuggles and affection.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

I don't think he has a favorite body part on himself, even though he has a rather high self esteem and is proud of his body. He just doesn't have any specifics he likes.

But on you? Ass. Ass man all the way. If he says he's not an ass man, he's a liar or someone is impersonating him. He'll grab onto it whenever, being rather shameless about it. He'll give it a teasing smack when you're walking by, or a pinch if he's feeling extra. If he's standing next to you, his hand is in your back pocket. If you're snuggling with him, his hands are on them cheeks. If not made for grabbing, why so grabbable?

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He gets close rather quickly (extremely quickly depending on what you're doing to him), but he's able to hold off from coming for a shockingly impressive amount of time. Sometimes you just feel so good that his self-control slips, but it's an honest mistake.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

We all know he has a god complex, he just knows he's better than everyone else, so he doesn't feel the need to say anything because he doesn't need to prove himself to anyone.

But... He'd love to have you underneath him, or on top of him, worshipping him like he's the only thing important to you. He wants to hear you praise him, thanking him and begging for more while he's fucking you like you're nothing more than a toy for him to use. Of course that's just a fantasy though, he'd never objectify you in that manner. But he can't help but think of that scenario whenever you bed him.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

I don't think he's experienced at all. Probably a virgin before he met you. He just wanted to wait for someone special to be the one to take him, and it seems you fit that bill perfectly. He may not be physically experienced, but he'd read enough to know what most of everything is.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Is it too cliche to say cowgirl? He just wants to see you on top, riding him and holding onto him like he's the only thing keeping you from coming completely undone.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It's a healthy mix. He's good at judging the situation and knows what to say, but any jokes or silly little jabs most likely fade out as he gets more into it.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's got a good amount of body hair, and doesn't really care in regards of shaving or trimming. He's got the most mouth watering happy trail though, so good for you if you're into that.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's good at making it romantic. He's all for lovey dovey feelings, and his want to make you feel loved, to let you know that you're wanted, is usually at the forefront of it all. Let him kiss you tenderly and take it slow for a bit. He'll love you forever.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't. He honestly would if he could remember to fucking take care of himself, but if there's no one to remind him to, he does not take care of any of his needs ever. It's a little concerning how much he neglects himself in favor of work.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He's a sweet southern family man, so of course he'd have a breeding kink. It doesn't matter what sex you are, he's breeding you. Just imagine him thrusting into you, talking about how close he is, and asking so politely if he can cum inside you. That low voice groaning in your ear, his motions getting sloppier as he feels himself getting closer to the edge.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

As a certified cozy sex enjoyer, you can't go wrong with the bed. However, you servicing him under the desk in his workshop while he works on blueprints is just as good, if not better. Depends on the mood though.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Hug him from behind and kiss the back of his neck. See where that gets you.

He also can't help but get a little hot under the collar if you're paying close attention while he's talking about one of his inventions. He can't help but enjoy the eye contact, paired with the fact that you seem to genuinely care about what he's saying.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Anything related to degrading or hurting you. He was raised to be a gentleman, and it's just not in his nature to be mean in that way. especially during sex.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Not really experienced at all, but he'll certainly try his best to get you off that way. He always starts off a little bumpy, but gets real good at he goes on. He generally prefers to be inside you (or vice versa), but if you offer to suck him off, who's he to say no? Just don't blame him if he gets a little too into it and starts fucking your throat. Hopefully you don't gag too much.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He's a slow and sensual king. He likes keeping it soft and cozy, maximizing the feelings rather than the immediate gratification. Besides, there's a lot more to sex than just the penetrative aspect. But if you catch him at a bad (or good, depending on how you see it) time, where he's all frustrated at the team and needing some stress relief, he's already pinning you down and fucking you like an animal. He'll apologize profusely afterwards, scared that he might have hurt you. Although, you could probably convince him to do it like that another time if you say pretty please.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He'll do 'em if he's real pent up, but he prefers taking it slow and enjoying every moment. He'd let you give him a quick blowjob under his worktable, but the second you ask him to do anything for you, expect to be there for thirty minutes minimum.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Like we've previously established, he's not really experienced with sex, and probably doesn't know all the stuff he'd be into. He's down to try a few things, will probably go to you first if there's something he's really itching to try out, but will most likely be all shy about it.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can't really last long as we've established, but he's good at keeping himself from coming too quickly. He could on average probably go two rounds. Maybe three if he's really feeling it, but don't expect him to do any more than that regularly.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He's the exception to my thinking that the mercs don't own toys. He even goes so far as to make em himself. You can't tell me the gunslinger doesn't vibrate. He's got just about anything under the sun you can think of, and will make custom ones for you if you ask real nicely. He will have to test them on you, but that's perfectly fine with you, I'd assume.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's okay with some lighthearted teasing here and there, but don't expect it to last. He's much more into praising you, so don't expect him to say anything that isn't gentlemanly.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's not loud, but he's also not quiet. He doesn't moan or whine, but he whimpers. Breathing shakily and whimpering softly as you're sucking him off or he's fucking into you tenderly. He'll try to talk, but his voice will break one too many times for his dignity to be preserved, and he'll try (and fail) to shut himself up afterwards. Hushed whispers and laboured breathing are his specialty, and while it's not loud, it's very frequent.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He loves the cowboy hat rule, and will explain it to you if you don't know what it is. Suddenly all those times he's playfully placed his hat on your head seem a little less innocent.

(Cowboy hat rule: If a cowboy places his hat on your head, that's an invitation to ride that cowboy. And by golly, you better.)

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Everything's bigger in Texas, yes. But he's a firm believer that size isn't what counts. If you're building something and you have too big a screw, then you risk messing up the whole schematic. He's just over average size, and he's confident in what he has. (Awfully sensitive, too. Use that information as you will.)

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It's a lot higher than you'd assume at a glance. The thing is, he's real good at ignoring his needs in favor of working on the latest turret or solving some random problem around the base. But if you tease him just right, he'll tell you about all the times his mind has wandered to thoughts of you, and boy howdy is it a lot.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He's usually all tuckered out after doing it with you, so expect him to take care of you, then immediately scoop you up in his arms and hold onto you like a koala. After that, he's out like a light. Snuggles with him are always the best, and his tummy is the best to use on a pillow. His fingers will gently run across your skin, and he'll usually mumble in his sleep. Give him goodnight kisses.

[scouts-real-husband]

a reminder that my ask box is open!

i would appreciate some headcanon requests, with any scenario works! I just need to write something that isn't a drabble right now.