screamingwailing

[screamingwailing]

soap is the kind of guy who fingers u with his middle and index fingers while simon is a middle and ring finger kinda guy.....just my own scientific observations as my source <3

[screamingwailing]

soap is the type who sends u videos of him jerking off ): but he never lets u see him finish. he just sends u little clips of him slowly stroking himself, showing u how leaky his cock is and the complete mess his precum is making all over his hands.

it makes your mouth water and ur panties wet and his little videos always leaves you wanting to see more. u wanna see the way his cock twitches and throbs and spits out thick globs of cum all over the place. u want to hear the pretty, sweet way he moans and groan through the pleasure. you want to watch how his thighs and abs twitch as he strokes himself through his orgasm.

he's so far away, he won't pick up your calls, he just sends a dumb smiley face when u text him that u want more ):

he sends u pictures of his fat, fat cock wrapped in his big hand with remnants of his cum on his fingers. it makes you whine because of course he didn't let you see him cum bc he's so fuckinf mean!!!! you so vividly remember how it feels in your own hands and how it tastes and you want it so bad and he KNOWS how badly he's teasing you

you can't do anything but replay the 30 second clip over and over and over again to watch him squeeze and stroke himself, watching the mess of precum drip down and imagine yourself licking it up </3 you're so embarrassed when you make yourself cum to a little 30 second silent video of him showing u his big, messy cock and vow that you'll pay him back one day for how mean he is when he's away </3

[screamingwailing]

a single bar of soap that’s so worn down that it’s a crescent shape 😞

like if i'm being realistic with myself i know simon uses 3 in 1. like shampoo, conditioner, and body wash all in one. i know it deep in my skeleton bones yet i tell myself im wrong

[screamingwailing]

oh but bimbo!reader mssging simon (a military man) how theres a boy in campus (a frat boy specifically) who wont take no for an answer as he keeps tryna pursue you, corralling his frat brothers and even your cheer team to make up situations where you two could have an “alone time.” naturally, simon flies back to put the fear of god into this boy because what is he if not just a boy against simon’s bulk?

and since he is a pissy boy, you receive these messages from him:

from: dickhead

> bitch. you couldve just said your taken

> fucking cunt

to: dickhead

i did but you are just stubborn :/ <

also? it’s you’re* <

and thank you, btw. simmy loves it when i’m a cunt. the fact that you can’t handle me being one just proves his point :p <

from: dickhead

> fuck you and you’re ugly ass boyfriend

to: dickhead

your* 😭 <

simon, who pulled you to his lap the moment the first messages came rolling in, laughs before kissing you on your cheek.

“my smart cookie,” simon murmurs, nuzzling his nose along your skin.

you giggle, throwing your phone behind you before tackling simon and giving him a thousand smooches. simon catches you with ease, hefting you on top of him to slot you two in the comfiest position.

(simon snags a picture of you and him snuggling after sex, careful that all that’s showing is your after-sex glow and nothing more – not a sliver of skin past your marked-up neck – before asking permission from you if it’s alright that he sends it to ‘dickhead’.

your nose scrunches in confusion even as you nod, passing your phone back to simon. simon kisses your lips lightly in thanks, and arranges the message.

to: dickhead

[image attached] <

she’s mine, son. <

your number is blocked soon after by little frat boy.)

[screamingwailing]

not cod but :(( ✨🧡🌙SEND THIS TO OTHER BLOGGERS YOU THINK ARE WONDERFUL. KEEP THE GAME GOING ✨🧡

STOP YOURE SO SWEET!!!!!! 🥹💕 pls take these humble bouquets in thanks

Sending to @tojisun (hehe) and @rowarn 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

[screamingwailing]

kinktober : oct 20th

könig x getting caught

könig was shameless.

he had you stood up, arched in an uncomfortable yet perfectly demeaning way as he stands behind you, knees bent slightly — practically using you like a toy. you were naked, whilst only his tight khakis were thrust down to mid thigh. you whine, the sound of his pelvis slapping against your ass filling the room.

“thats it, thaaats it.” he growls, one hand coming up to hold you by the throat to give him a better grip on you. “scheiße, my girl. just mine.”

“m’yours!” you try to appease to him, but you’re met with a gentle grip of the jaw, not even turning you to face him, just a show of dominance.

“quiet. if i want a comment from you, i’ll request it.” he pants and you whimper sadly, clenching hard around his obscenely thick length at his mean tone. he goes to say something else, but the door swings open.

some rookie, fresh faced and loudly proclaiming your man’s name as if he’d been searching for him. poor kid, he’ll learn to knock. you gasp, a devastated whine leaving you — and to your surprise könig doesn’t stop, infact he barely acknowledges his presence, only glancing his way as he continues thrusting, leaning back slightly to focus on the way your ass recoils against him. you swear you hear him scoff out a practically inaudible chuckle.

“close the door.” he commands quietly and calmly and the rookie is spinning around, red faced and silent — probably too afraid to reveal to his peers what he just saw. “tsk, silly girl.” he blames you. you cry out in humiliation, a devastating and whiney noise as you try to cover your teary eyes with your hands, and suddenly he’s a lot nicer to you.

he adjusts his stance, spreading his legs wider, feet caging yours as he wraps his arms around your waist, pressing sloppy and affectionate kisses to your jaw, neck and cheek. “did this embarrass you, liebling?” he asks, tone quieter and more sympathetic.

“he s-saw me!” you wail and he’s shushing you, humungous hand rubbing your stomach in a soothing circle before sliding down to rub against your clit. his thrusts are slower now, hips rolling and tummy tensed at the angle he stands at. you collapse against him a little with an eased moan, he hums.

“need to be quiet then, don’t you?” he chastises, but his tone is still gentle. “why don’t you cum for the colonel, hm? make it worth something.”

[screamingwailing]

prev reblog is stuck in my head and now i cant stop thinking about biker!simon in that specific tight compression shirt (or long sleeves even hhhnnn) and black cargos pickin you up because you're his forever passenger princess, then helping you put on your helmet that matches his.

biker!simon who ties his jacket around your waist when he surprises you with a ride. “this is jus’ f’r me to see,” he says as he tucks in your skirt underneath the length of his jacket, before playfully smacking your ass and smirking playfully when you whirl around to slap at his arm in retaliation.

biker!simon who reaches behind him when stopped at a light to curl his hand around your thigh, squeezing teasingly and chuckling to himself when you lightly bump your helmet to his. or biker!simon who, when the drive is slow and smooth, curls his hand on top of yours to tangle your fingers together.

biker!simon who has custom gloves, with your initials embroidered on the knuckles. he kisses them before every drive as good luck :((

im soo insane for him

[screamingwailing]

SIMON "GHOST" RILEY 💖✨💕 — gift for @simonghostrileys 🎁

[screamingwailing]

Blow up my inbox.

Would you rather..

Fuck, kill or marry

This or that

Personal questions

Creepy anons

Random questions

Advice

Love/hate

Anonymous secrets

Anything you want!

[screamingwailing]

Sex Pollen — König x Reader

"I'm sorry, mein Engel." König whined out as he kept ramming into you, your moaning mixed with his low groaning and soft whines whenever he overestimulated himself. He came inside you four times already, yet the effects of the gas you both accidentally inhaled had him hard as a rock. He couldn't stop even if he wanted, even when you were asking him to stop for a second so your abused cunt could take a break.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry... it feels too good to stop. Ah, scheiße... like that." His big gloved hands guided your hips up and down, thrusting up to meet you halfway as his head dropped back against the wall, eyes closed as he focused on feeling your wet cunt wrap tightly around his fat dick. Truth to be told, he wanted his first time with you to be special. He wanted to invite you out on a date and if he got lucky, he wanted to have a romantic love-making session with you, yet here he is; moving your much smaller body up and down his cock, using your pussy to jerk himself off, filling you up like nothing.

"Mein Gott... you're so tight." He hisses out, grabbing your hips before he manages to get up with his dick still inside you. Your arms wrap around his neck for support as he begins to fuck into you like a madman, using your much smaller body as if you're nothing but a fleshlight. The mask is still hiding his face, yet you can imagine just how pretty his face looks simply by looking at the desperate look in his eyes as his gaze narrows.

"Just... give me one more, schätzchen, one more and I'll stop." It was probably a lie. His dick was still rock-hard, and his body couldn't get enough of you. The drug left his body the first time he came, yet he couldn't stop himself from being inside you. All those times he spent jerking off to the thought of you, whenever you accidentally touched him, whenever you looked at him, whenever he heard your voice, the one time he was able to get a hold of your used panties, all those moments of waiting patiently were worth it in the end.

"Verdammt." He muttered softly as he felt your pussy cramping down on him, burying his face on your neck as he began muttering pure non-sense in German, pushing his dick all the way inside so your cervix welcomed his 5th load. He let out a deep groan, holding you close as your cunt milked him dry.

[screamingwailing]

more dbf!price x reader thats super self-indulgent bc i luv him // prev

john gets the message late in the afternoon when the sun’s rays are dwarfed by the endless expanse of grey and he knows you should still be in class, focusing and not being on your phone (or laptop? you did tell him once you can send him a message through there). 

he dismisses mactavish without a second thought, telling him to just write up a report and that john will read that instead. mactavish quirks a brow at his commanding officer before nodding with a little awkward wave.

the man isn’t even completely out of the office when john swipes at his phone, tapping on the notification tab and roving his eyes at your short message.

> i miss you :( 

his heart aches at seeing it, his lips wobbling into a small smile which he has to smother behind a rough palm. it should be silly how happy you’ve made him with only three words, but john doesn’t care if it makes him look like a fool – he is proud of what you do to him; what you reduce him to.

he ignores his trembling fingers as he types up a reply.

I miss you more, sweetheart. So much. <

he chuckles at seeing the barrage of heart emojis that you sent in response.

see? look how precious you are. how can he not be giddy of you?

[screamingwailing]

cw. nsfw, gn!reader, implied sex pollen, overstimulation, creampies, nipple play *not proofread, just pure horny

[overstimmed and crying soap >>>>]

kinktober masterlist

MINORS DNI!!

“Baby, ya gotta slow down-” His voice is hoarse and shaky as his hands greedily grab your hips, tugging your warm hole down further onto his cock. There’s a mix of fluids lining your thighs, making obscenely wet noises each time you drop yourself into his lap.

“No- Not yet-” You only whine at him, attempting to spear yourself down on him even harder. Your body is aching for yet another release as if you haven’t already gotten three out of yourself and another two for your beloved boyfriend. Soap's back arched off the bed as he pressed your hips down, filling you to the hilt before letting another orgasm reel over him.

The blunt edge of his nails is digging into your skin, leaving crescent shapes behind as he adjusts his grip on you. You can feel the mess of your previous orgasms dripping out of you, adding to the mess on your thighs and the bed. “Fuck, hah, you’re gonna kill me, bonnie-”

Now he can’t help but buck his hips up into you as you bounce, meeting your hips halfway. He can’t stop the slurry of curses and near-pathetic whimpers that leave his lips with each delicious clench of your warmth around his cock. He brings a hand up to your chest, the other reaching around to grab and fondle your ass.

He tugs you down to him, taking your stiff nipples into his mouth. He tugs at it with his teeth, soothing the light sting with his tongue. You lean a hand against the headboard, using it as leverage to slam your hips down on him. Soap is moaning shamelessly, not caring about how thin the walls are. “Jus’ one more, one more for me, yea?”

[screamingwailing]

my roman empire is barry sloane saying “you will have full execute authority”. .. i’m shaking

[screamingwailing]

I know you said that you wrote some pervy soap head cannons but what about Captain Mactavish? I see him as the type to shamelessly rub all over you to try and leave his scent on you.

if sergeant mactavish is a menace, captain mactavish would be WORSE.

definitely marks you up and is extremely possessive, and isn't afraid to use his position to keep fuckboy rookies away from you--is it an abuse of power? maybe! but you're his, nobody else's.

in a position of power too i can imagine pervy!captain mactavish being quite the exhibitionist, taunting people with what they can't have and showing off the power he has over you and his men by using you in front of them!!

100% percent gets off on you calling him captain, probably becomes a habit to the point where you'll call him it outside of the bedroom too bcs of the power trip it gives him suej32iejn, even if the circumstance isn't always appropriate for you to be whispering his title so suggestively.

(unwell about powerplay over here apparently)

[screamingwailing]

I will never stop comparing all the 141 boys to dogs in my fics. Unfortunately I am unable. Thanks but no thanks. Wdym they’re not a pack of strays? Wydm ‘pack’ mentality doesn’t directly translate? Literally what are you not understanding?

Wdym Price isn’t an Anatolian shepherd? Bred specifically to be a guardian of livestock? His life’s purpose is to defend? He instinctually knows how to keep the structure of the pack intact? Pointed corrections made by a bite to the throat or baring his teeth that may seem drastic to some, but his herd understands that it’s a necessary evil? Gentile giant to those who he’s serving for and with but an apex predator to anyone else?

Wdym Gaz isn’t a border collie who learned how to herd from Price? Follows in his footsteps by quickly learning to nip at the heels of stragglers to keep them in line? Loves learning new tricks because he’s agile and always needing stimulation? Insatiable need to work and see tasks through not only well but to be the best that’s ever been?

Wdym Soap isn’t a Belgian malinois? Snapping his jaws and vibrating with kinetic energy that’s just begging to be harnessed and used to his handler’s aid? Wicked smart and playful until he’s instructed to work? Needs constant attention and supervision and structure in order to reach his full potential? Quite literally sniffs out trouble and offers his full dedication to stomping out the problem? Competitive and destructive until his efforts are focused on something more productive? Needs a firm hand to be his motivating force?

Wdym Ghost isn’t a Doberman? Forced into a dogfighting ring and set loose to the streets by a group of well-meaning protesters like that was any better? Cropped ears and docked tail and freckled with scars where fur won’t grow? Conditioned by years of trauma to immediately bare his teeth and snarl to project a vicious front if made uncomfortable? Who’s rehabilitated into something much more palatable by the structure of a pack?

What do you mean dude?

[screamingwailing]

just found ur account, u post some rly awesome stuff. i was just wondering if you could write a fic for either the 141’s ghost or price in an established relationship with the reader and they forgot the readers birthday?

Forget Me Not

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Genre: Hurt No Comfort

Simon's a sharp man. He can't afford to be anything less, lest he ends up with a bullet in his back but it's most often the more mundane and meaningful things that slip his mind. Her birthday, for example.

Masterlist

There wasn't an expectation to go all out for every little celebration in their lives. Both Simon and her were relatively quiet people, preferring to keep celebrations more intimate between them. A small gift for an anniversary, a walk along the beach. It was the little things that were the most special to her, they showed her that grandeur and big gestures weren't the only means of expressing love so deep and devoted.

But never had it come to one of them completely withdrawing.

Their birthday were a slightly more lively affair, having more people involved. Simon, of course, was not particularly fond of having his own but hers? In the past he'd arranged surprises for her on the day, whether that be contacting her family and friends or pulling her out of bed in the morning with breakfast he'd made just for her.

It's why it's so surprising to see him go about his morning like a completely normal day.

He'd kissed her in the morning, no different than how he does every day, went about the house gathering his gear for work that day. Nothing special, just a debrief he needed to attend in the afternoon.

"You'll be going in today?" She asks, unable to keep the slight frown off her face. Her coffee cup is set on the counter with a small 'clink.'

He nods, leaning down to lace up his boots. "Got a debrief at noon. Johnny's been yapping our ears off about a new bar he found so I've no doubt he'll find a way to drag everybody there afterwards." He rolls his eyes but she can tell it's in a fond way.

As disinterested as Ghost might act, she knows he's fond of his team.

Ghost nods, straightening up once he's done with his boots. "Don't wait up for me. Might be a while till I'm back." She watches, a little stunned as he leans down to press a kiss to her forehead before hitching his bag over his shoulder.

Oh.

She didn't think he'd...forget.

"Are you sure you're not forgetting something?" She asks half thinking he's playing some sort of joke on her. He couldn't have forgotten...right? Simon was normally so good with these things. He'd never forgotten before. "Something else that's today? Something important, maybe?"

He gives her a blank look, coming to a stop next to her. "Nothing important enough to remember." He responds, pulling out his keys.

She knows he doesn't mean it like it sounds to her, but that doesn't stop the pang of sudden hurt. Nothing worth remembering?

He was probably trying to be funny with that dry humour of his, but after waking up to him already out of bed, excited to spend the day with him, finding out he'd be going to spend some time in some bar instead of with her today...

It really does sting.

She knows she could call out to him, just tell him that it's her birthday today, but part of her just...doesn't want to. If it wasn't worth remembering, maybe she should celebrate by herself this year...

He calls out a goodbye. The front door opens. Shuts close behind him.

Silence.

She draws in a long, slightly shaky breath and picks up her coffee mug, willing the stinging in her eyes to recede.

                                 · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Simon's had a pretty smooth day so far, which is something that almost never happens. The debrief went smoothly confirming that the Russian intel they'd spotted the other day had been solid enough to warrant the extraction op the team was to take in two weeks time. The bar Johnny had been so eager to show them hadn't been half bad either.

The decor was old 80's themed, a nice polished mahogany bar spanning the entire length of a wall. Ghost had taken to sitting down with a whiskey, watching Price and Gaz play pool while making idle conversation with Johnny sat by his side.

Well, 'conversation' was a generous word. It was mostly Johnny doing the talking with him answering every now and then, or chiming in with a hum to show he was still listening.

"I'm surprised your still hear, you know." Johnny says, shaking his head as he takes another sip of his drink.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Had a fight with the missus?" Gaz's voice joins in, the other two having wrapped up their game. He orders a drink for himself before sliding into the stool next to Ghost. "Got to agree with Soap on this one. I'm bloody surprised you're in deep enough shit to spend the night here instead."

Ghost stares at them like they're stupid. Maybe they are, because neither of them are making a lick of sense to him.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" He drains the last of his whiskey, not missing the look exchanged by the other two men.

"Mate-" Gaz says incredulously.

"Nah, he's not that daft." Soap cuts him off. "He's just fucking with ya."

Gaz narrows his eyes at Ghost. "I don't think he is."

"He's gotta be. Everyone knows-"

"Will either of you spit it out?" He sets his glass down on the table with a little more force than necessary.

"Bloody hell, you did forget." Gaz whispers. "Oh, you're a dead man." Soap recognising the frustrated twitch of Ghost's hand decided to blurt it out before hands get thrown.

"It's your lass' birthday today." Soap says. "Don't tell me ya forgot."

Ghost go through a rush of feelings all at once.

First in disbelief. He's not stupid, of course he'd remember something as simple as a birthday, especially hers. The second is doubt, because the look on Gaz's face is one so full of pity it makes him uncomfortable.

Ghost pulls out his phone to check the date and...

Shit.

The third feeling is disbelief. There's no way he just forgot. Someone must be fucking with him.

"Are you sure you're not forgetting something?"

"Nothing important enough to remember."

The barstool scrapes as dread and guilt twist his gut. Grabbing his coat, he makes for the door without another word, cussing out Johnny for the cackle he laughs behind his back as he leaves in more of a hurry than anyone's ever seen him.

8pm. He'd spent the entire day taking the piss with the guys on the one day that should have been dedicated to her.

He'd been away for so long, arriving home only a few days ago and he'd just...left her again. Granted, those few days being so busy had been out of his control but still. That wasn't an excuse, he decides, turning on the car.

He hadn't been busy today, and had had the time to go back home to her after his debriefing.

His hands tighten around the steering wheel.

                                 · · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

Her earrings glint under the light of their bedroom. Staring at herself in the vanity, admiring the gorgeous dress her friend had gifted her for today, she can't help but feel a lack of excitement for the upcoming night.

Simon has really forgotten. She'd come to terms with it a couple hours ago when the sun had finally set and she'd realised that it wasn't a joke. He'd really, truly forgotten.

Going out partying hadn't been the plan at all, but when he friends had come over to give her a hug and presents, they'd seen her upset, still in her house clothes and decided it was completely unacceptable for her to spend the day like that.

Ushered into getting ready, they'd made plans to meet at this new upscale fancy restaurant before hitting a few clubs on the way back home.

Better than nothing, she reminds herself, chasing away thoughts of what her night might have looked like if Simon had stayed. No time for sulking, this was supposed to be a happy day. She was supposed to be happy.

So why does she feel tears sting at her eyes when she reaches for her purse to check if she has everything? Blinking them away, she takes a second to compose herself.

The key jingle in the lock, the sound echoing from the hallway into their bedroom. She tenses in surprise. Was he home?

Hope blooms in her chest. If Simon was home, maybe he did remember? Maybe he came home early to-

No.

No that wasn't right, she chides herself, smile slipping off her face. Even if he did remember now, that's not an excuse for forgetting the rest of the entire day, for leaving her feeling so shitty and going off to drink with the others.

Straightening her spine, she takes a deep breath and heads for the door. Her feet take her halfway down the hall before the front door flies open on its own, baring the man in question.

His knuckles are white with how hard he's gripping his keys, and some of the tension in his shoulders relaxes when he lays eyes on her. Something akin to relief, as if he might have thought she wouldn't be there when he got home.

"I-"

"Early night?" She straightens out her dress, feeling his eyes on her. He's quiet for a beat, assessing the situation before acting. Ever the soldier. "Mine's just starting." Her voice is as even as she can make it.

Simon shuts the door behind him. "I didn't realise-"

"That's right." He doesn't get to speak right now, doesn't get to fill her mind with pretty apologies and promises. Not this time, not tonight. "You forgot, Simon." A flash of guilt in his eyes makes her feel a pang in her chest she refuses to let take the reigns. "You forgot." She wavers for a moment, clears her throat to regain some control. "Nothing important enough to remember, right?"

It's a punch to the gut, hearing his words thrown back at him with the knowledge of how she interpreted them. His jaw clenches, frustrated at himself for letting something like this slip by him. "I'm going to make it up to you, yeah? Just let me-"

"No thanks." She shakes her head.

"Just let me finish," He narrows his eyes, a little irked at being cut off over and over again.

"No, Ghost." The way he tenses at his name being abandoned for his callsign is proof enough of how he's fucked up. "I don't want to hear it, alright?" She swallows. "I don't want to hear any of it, I'm going out, I'm going to have a good time on my goddamn birthday with my friends, and I'm not going to let you make me cry before I leave."

Cry? It's then that he notices how red her eyes are. Guilt slams into him hard enough to wind him, it worms it's way through his chest and eats him alive, gnawing on the little parts of his heart that haven't gotten calloused.

The first thing he notices when he walked in was how gorgeous she looked. Standing there in front of him in that dress, he's well familiar with most of her clothes, having been the one taking them off at the end of the day, but this one he hasn't ever seen before and it hugs her just right, enough to make his mind blank for a moment when he first walked in.

But he understands. Ghost sees the way she's clutching onto that purse of hers, the way her knuckles are white and the slight shake of her shoulders.

She's trying not to cry.

Because of him.

Fucking hell, that hurts. But not as much as what he's made her feel. Simon wants to argue, wants to tug her close and make it all better, but he sees that she means it, and hell does she deserve to have a good time after the way her morning went.

Simon steps aside with a tight nod.

Letting out what almost is a small, shaky sigh of relief, she brushes past him on the way out and Simon really doesn't have enough self control, because his hand wraps around her elbow to halt her in her tracks.

"I'm sorry, love." He says, so gently, so quiet. Such a stark difference to how he usually is. "I really am. And I will make it up to you, yeah? I promise."

A tight knot forms in her throat, threatening to send a fresh wave of tears at her conflicted feelings. It's all she can do to give him the barest of nods, avoiding his eyes.

"Don't wait up for me. Might be a while till I'm back." She echoes his words from the morning back to him before she shakes off his grip and leaves him alone.

An empty house, a mind full of buzzing remorse.

Requests Are Open! Reblog, Reply and Like!

(11/07/2023)

[screamingwailing]

A Fighting Chance

Pairing: Simon 'Ghost' Riley x Reader

Genre: Hurt/Comfort

"When was the last time you kissed me and meant it?" Her voice drops into something akin to defeat.

And Simon...Simon feels like the rug's been pulled from under his feet.

Masterlist

"What're those?"

"Papers."

Ghost pauses halfway through opening the document, glancing up at the curtness of her voice. "Papers? She doesn't meet his eyes, gaze fixed on the table of the little booth they're sitting in.

The ice in her drink is long gone, watering down her coffee into something that tastes as bitter as her heart.

It had taken months for her to finally make this decision. Days of talking with her lawyer, crying alone at night and coming to the gruelling acceptance that this was for the best. It was best for both of them.

There's not many things that unsettle Simon. He's had blood stain his hands; his own, his comrades, and his enemies. Had almost any injury you could think of marring his skin, been prodded and ripped into, been the one on the opposite end of the knife.

But as he slides out the documents, turns them over, Simon's never felt more apprehensive.

He stills, reading the first few lines, clenching his jaw. "What is this?"

"I want a divorce."

And something in him crumbles at her defeated tone. Like she's already decided. Like he doesn't even have a chance to ask why or talk it through.

"No." He says tightly, putting them down and crossing his arms.

Her gaze shoots to his. "You can't just say that."

"I did. I won't sign them."

"I want this." She argues, and Simon swallows back the lump in his throat at how utterly tired she looks.

"I don't."

She's the light of his life, the one good, untouched piece of joy he gets to see. Something other than the bloodshed and violence he lives in.

"Simon," She says, shoulders sagging forward. "I can't do this anymore."

"This isn't the solution, love." He feels like his skin is crawling, the beginnings of unfamiliar panic clawing at his chest when she doesn't react to the pet name.

Doesn't smile, doesn't flush that beautiful red, doesn't squirm.

When she doesn't respond again, tight-lipped and clammed up and so determined to not look at him, he asks the question burning a hole through his tongue.

"Why?"

Deep down he knows. Knew this was coming but that part of him is buried under the thudding of his heart, and the rush of blood in his ears. Everything feels deathly still and moving too fast at the same time.

"Why?" She repeats, something in her stirring at the question. Her brow furrows and she switches from a cautious indifference to disbelief and frustration quicker than Simon can process. "Are you serious?" She huffs out an incredulous laugh. "You're away for months at a time and I'm supposed to what? Wait for you at our doorstep and wag my tail all happy when you finally come back to me?" Her grip tightens on her drink.

"Even when you are home, it's never about us. Never about me and you. You lock yourself in your study with your work, don't talk to me unless you come out for dinner or lunch. When was the last time we went out?" She demands. "When was the last time we went on a date? The last time we slept at the same time in the same bed?"

Simon clenches his jaw but says nothing, at a loss for words. It only encourages her to keep going, spewing thoughts that have been boiling over for the past few years.

"You barely look at me when we're home, I had to drag you out of the house to get here! You left halfway through our anniversary dinner last year because work called you in. Sometimes...sometimes I feel like you're only with me because it's easier than leaving and starting over, and that fucking hurts. It hurts when you can't bear to spend five minutes with me away from work. I've been telling you this for ages but you just...you don't listen to me." She leans forward, drink completely forgotten and hits the final nail in the coffin.

"When was the last time you kissed me and meant it?" Her voice drops into something akin to defeat.

And Simon...Simon feels like the rug's been pulled from under his feet.

"I never even know if you're coming home to me." Her voice cracks, and she hugs her middle, taking a deep breath to steady herself. "So yes, Simon, I want to separate. I'm not happy, not like I was when I met you." A sheen of tears she refuses to let fall.

"You can focus on work like you love to, and I can...I can move on."

It was so good when they started out. She found him endearing, dry humour and brooding and all. It was special, those first few years, and she'll always care about him but this...this waiting, this hurting, laying in bed at night alone and cold and crying...it wasn't right. It wasn't what she wanted and she wouldn't force Simon to want it when he clearly didn't want to.

"Fucking hell, I love you." Simon says quickly, stumbling over what to say. He reaches out for her hand on the table, but she pulls it away before he can grab it. It stings more than he can convey, makes the reality crashes down onto him.

He's about to lose her.

Because he couldn't fucking bear to pull himself out of being 'Ghost'.

It was always a rough couple of weeks during his leave. The adjustment to civilian life was a slow one for him, but that's not really an excuse at all.

"I don't think you do."

Simon blinks at her like she's slapped him. "You...you don't think so?" He repeats, running a hand through his hair. She nods, one nod, quick and so sure that it makes his chest ache.

Fuck. He's absolutely messed up.

"Everything's finalised on my end." She says. "You just need to sign them." Her voice is soft, almost like she's coaxing him.

If there's one thing he knows, it's that he's not touching those fucking papers. He's not losing someone he loves again.

"I'll take time off." He says, the intensity of his gaze makes a shiver run down her spine. "We can work through it, yeah? You can't spring this on me and not give me a chance to protest."

She shakes her head, "You're only taking time off because I'm upset." She tries to explain. "What do you think is going to happen? We spend a month together doing what we used to, and when everything's a little more stable you leave again. Distance yourself. Shut me out. Then we're back to square one."

"Won't happen." He says like he hasn't been doing it for the past few years already. "You...I can't lose you, darling." He leans forward. "Let me make it better. Give me a few months-"

"Simon-"

"A week."

"A week?" Her eyes widen. "A week to...what, prove that you'll change?"

"One week."

She worries her lip between her teeth, considering. One week wasn't a long time, but hope was dangerous in a situation like this.

"I'm not letting you go over something like this." Simon says. "I can't."

"This isn't about you." She crosses her arms. "You really think you can turn just...reverse the past few years in a week?" Maybe it's foolish of her to want him to say yes, to fight for her and realise that she's been hurting, but goddamn doesn't a small part of her scream at him to do it anyway.

"Not trying to reverse it." He folds his arms, and she can see the tense line of his shoulders as he takes in the situation, gears turning in his head as he plans how he's going to work his way out of a situation so precious and daunting as this.

Part of him didn't think it would ever come to this. Yes, he can be cold and aloof but Simon thought she knew that he loved her through it all. No matter what.

When was the last time you kissed me and meant it?

Fuck if that doesn't tear through his chest more painfully than any caliber bullet ever could.

He takes her in quietly for a moment.

The woman he fell in love with. The person that gave him a reason to keep going, a motive to feel anything other than the cold efficientness of loading a gun and firing. Soft touches and warm smiles, something so at odds with the rough life he's used to.

Sitting there in front of him, she looks more beautiful than he remembers, and it only proves to make his stomach sink like a stone at the notion of seeding any doubt about his feelings in her heart.

A right fucking bastard he was for it.

"I'm sorry." He breathes out, much softer than the gruff voice he's been using with her. "I'll do better. Just give me a chance, yeah?"

For one horrible moment, Simon thinks she'll decline. That she'll slide over the papers again and demand he sign them.

But she considers his words for a moment before nodding once.

And it's all he needs.

A fighting chance.

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(11/10/2023)