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superman (2025)
3/5
spoilers ahead
i'm usually not partial to superhero movies. the machismo, the heteronormative love interests, the moral platitude. i usually deem it unworthy of my time.
this movie was very well done though. honestly, i watched it because i heard how pro-palestine the themes were. i’m glad i did. it injected just enough spice into the cheesy parts to keep it from feeling flat. (i'm thinking, the jellyfish monster fight in the bg of superman and lois in the apartment, the wack ass lazer eyes and extreme twirling (idk if yall know what im talking about LMAO), hawk girl dropping netanyahu????? hell yes!!)
some of my initial apprehension still stands: superman is frustratingly naive and childlike. bro is dense. but also hes a country boy LOL
that being said, the meaningful bits did get me. “you are your choices.” “i am human. this is my greatest strength.” i know they’re platitudes, said before, unoriginal, etc. but idk, it really made my heart warm a bit, especially in the father-son talk. i guess thats the magic of movies: eliciting the kinds of emotion - whether thru sound, picture, story - to make you feel the meaning behind seeming obvious moral statements. or maybe i'm just kind of prone to emotional propoganda. ANyways.
the villain’s philosophy was also refreshingly not boring. positioning himself as the “last bastion for humanity,” he clearly sees himself as noble - that one guy who beat a gpt model in a programming competition. except not power-hungry and itching to torture people.
one last thing. my friend said i look like the ragebait monkeys when i tweet. i deleted twitter and insta after that LMAO
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reframing stress
tw: j*b hunt, stress, me whining and being highkey annoying (i hear myself) and ranting but maybe yall relate.
im currently taking a phil class, and it is one of the first classes ive taken where i can listen for the full three hours without getting distracted. but recently, i get derailed completely after receiving one job related email. like, i'll get it in the first hour and the next two hours im completely derailed, ill start doing leetcode, prepping for the interivew, whatever. i hate that this job hunt stress continues to disrupt every part of my life.
the job search has been very anxiety inducing to me. some of my close friends know i've been suffering with insomnia for a few months now. when i try to sleep i think the low grade anxious noise just doesnt allow my brain to rest, so i end up staying up until 3-4am pretty regularly. i've started taking melatonin recently which has helped, but have to take 3+ gummies to knock myself out when the recommended number is 2. oh well, its the lesser of two evils (melatonin overdosage vs 3 hours of sleep). also, i got a part time dev job! pros: job! cons: i do have to wake up early on tues thurs fri. anyways, this backburner anxiety has been pervading my life and its so exhausting. and what's worse is, i know this isn't a temporary stress. it's intrinsic to my field: there will always be another application cycle, a layoff, a networking event, another grind. its gonna be like this for internships, new grad, and maybe like the first 10 years of my career.
because its going to be like this for a while, i want to start thinking about how to make it manageable. better yet, enjoyable since i want to enjoy my 20s. if i don't start thinking of preventative solutions now, i can def see myself spiraling into a very burnt out, terrible place mentally. and i have too many things hinging on actions now to spend a month or so burnt out and recuperating. #preventionisthebestcure. i know i might sound annoying and complaining form a privileged place. to a degree, i am privileged because i 'm busy in a way that i want to be. like, taking courses, interviewing, part time (x2). i feel productive. i feel like i'm building a future for myself. but i know that if i continue this specific lifestyle, despite the privilege of it, i'm going to crash and burn soon. i think there's the mental reframing that i need to do (which will be hard, involve a lot of conversations, and honestly just time). and the actual action items, like limiting job related things to a certain number or hours, having a schedule, enforcing fun activities/destressing hobbies.
i just wanted to air this out and set the grounds for myself to think of some solutions during bus rides or in spare time. so yeah.
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dear summer
i like being on my own. we're young. we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. might as well have fun while we can.
and i'm floating, and it's like this amazing, amazing realness. i'm free. i'm safe. then I realize i'm completely alone.
freedom and happiness are the driving principles of your life. to live is to experience all the joys of the world untethered by financial strain, unwanted commitments, and societal expectations. a day spent in happiness is a day well lived. and if something or someone makes you happy, you should continue doing it or seeing them. the meaning of life is to live.
at the same time, you desire to be liked. don't we all? they're happy, but most importantly they're willing, and so are you. as long as both parties are satisfied and willing, a relationship should continue! it's simple marginal utility - if you gain happiness from something, keep doing it until it hits neutral. you keep going to maximize the area under the curve. but you aren't a robot, and this analogy is def oversimplifying your world view.
so, why this relationship? well, although this man might not be the one, he's the top 5%, which is rare enough to hold onto. again with the numbers, my apologies. you clearly don't let many people into your inner world, so when someone seems so fervently into you and you find yourself sharing things you haven’t told others why should you let go? this relationship is valuable to you. plus, he's willing! you aren't forcing him to do anything (you think - unbeknownst to you this man cannot say no - he's under emotional duress).
now it's time for me to give my unsolicited advice.
i relate to you in many aspects, but i also don't. i understand your desire to live untethered, and for a solid while this was my driving philosophy too. i also desire to live untethered, above the noise of other people’s needs and your own obligations, to rise above family chaos, emotional mess, and just be. it's conducive to self actualization, self discovery. its what life should be.
there is just one amendment i would make though.
it's impossible to live a life completely detached from others. you, by virtue of being human, are inextricably linked with others and thus you have the responsibility to act responsibly and with awareness. whether you like it or not, your actions can and will hurt, inspire, or permanenty shape other people. that's the reality of life, you cant escape it. now, you must choose whether you want to take on the responsbility of being good to others, which involves the responsibility of learning self awareness and awareness of other's feelings. kindness, imo, is not only a trait or intention, but a skill - you are not kind if you hurt someone deeply with unawareness. it's an added burden but it's the challenge of life, of being a person you're proud of, your future self would be proud to have been. i think its perfectly acceptable to live without this burden but choosing to take it on adds a new dimension of meaning and fulfillment to your life i think. knowing that your actions have weight, hold consequences. and i think you'll derive a different kind of joy from this than the joy of lightness and freedom, though both are meaningful.
you believe that happiness in the moment is a good enough reason to continue. the end goal of happiness is happiness. it's self encompassing. but when something is self encompassing, it's also less meaningful: its meaning is a circular argument: i want this because i want this. right now i'm reading either or by kierkegaaard so the example of don juan springs to mind - for him, desire loops endlessly back into itself. this way of life gives me existential dread. i would rather choose with depth, take responsibility, and accept the burden of continuity.
i want you to experience the joy of weight, of continuity, of responsibility. i think its meaningful.
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500 days of summer (review pt. 1)
4.5/5
(spoilers ahead)
which are you?
tom or summer? the anxious or the avoidant? the idealist or realist? the romantic or pragmatic? i think the natural inclination upon watching this film is to sort yourself into one category or the other since both are such compelling and real archetypes. just like we categorize ourselves into mbti, astrological signs, and justify our behavior and say "omg this describes me perfectly", our pattern recognition makes us team tom or team summer. i think this relatability is what makes this film a favorite among may. after all, isn't a value of storytelling that of connection - to affirm that we aren't alone in our experiences?
this is a story about the consequences of two people with different ideas of love clashing, where the draw of attraction and hedonism prevents either from moving onto better things. it begs the question, would it really have been better if they had never met at all? i think the answer to that is, yes, if nobody changed from the experience/there was no learning or growth from the emotional turmoil. and fortunately towards the end, both characters have learned and changed form the experience.
on the movie itself. thing i love, the cinematography, the cinematic humor, the outlandish musical numbers showing tom being such a damn LOSER HAHA (i say this with endearment).
some things i liked about the movies:
"i'm stalking i mean starving" LOL summer's little freudian slip. i loved this small detail a lot
the fact that he isnt funny hes such a dork hes so awkward oml i love him (not actually tho, i think this would pmo irl but the pathetic man archetype FICTIONALLY just tickles my pickle)
on the choice of ikea as a date: playing pretend - because IT'S A FAKE RELATIONSHIP!! ITS NOT REAL DESPITE HOW domestic and comfortable it is. its real yet fake
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perfect blue
3.5/5
a few days ago i wanted something to watch while i ate dinner. i searched for anime films to watch and this caught my attention.
if you're into psychological horror, you will like this film. if saying no to someone feels harder than it should, you will relate to this film. if you feel like the external world makes decisions for you in lieu of your own internal drive this film is for you.
summary: perfect blue is about japanese pop idol who switches careers into becoming an actress. as an idol, she had a clean image and she seemed happier. but the industry pressured her to become an actress and dong more explicit things.
although this film is centered on a girl under public scrutiny, i feel as we can all relate to a degree. i think by virtue of existing and being perceived, we are constantly being rewritten by others, as anyone will hold an image of you in their head that doesn't quite match you. the question is whether you are aware of or care about that image - do you act in accordance with their expectations? do you even know how you're perceived? or do you not care, choosing to act unfettered of others' preconceived notions?
i think what's scary about this film is how realistic it is for someone, an entertainment manager, the social narrative, to rewrite who you are. i use the word realistic instead of easy because for some people, it's very easy to be true to oneself whereas the same cant be said for others. but there are so many opportunities in daily life ot succumb to being rewritten, so many practical benefits, that it's really just a part of life - realistic. yes, the violent killings and (imo) overly gratuitous rape scenes were dreadful to watch. but the main horror of this psychological horror is the loss of self.
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whether this is genuine or satire, it doesn't matter. it's gold regardless
i need to get off twitter

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human food 3.0
mango sticky rice with blueberries


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human food 2.0
bacon pesto cheese sundried tomato toast, kimchi
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house on the cerulean sea - thoughts
4/5 i love books that make you feel like you have a heart. this book had me tearing up at emotional parts and giggling at the old men romance parts in a coffee shop in public. i realized that ive been consuming a lot of "chicken soup for the soul" type media. media that depicts, romanticizes, and delves deeper into the simple everyday life. i wonder how this happened, if i just gravitate to this kind of media, since it does reflect my worldview as of late.
i appreciate that the diversity in this book feels natural. the characters really just feel "as they are". when i just started this book i was quick to clock it as another quirky book whose main selling point was their idiosyncrasy but nothing else. but this book had substance to it. it was thought provoking, realistic enough to carry emotional weight, thus enjoyable.
one line that stuck with me: "it was the right words at the right time", in reference to linus comforting sal. throughout the past few years ive always circled back to the question of how to comfort someone, and sometimes it feels like there's no right thing to say.
my view is that there's a spectrum of good vs bad things to say. "there's levels to this". obviously don't say something incredibly insensitive, but there also isn't one perfect thing to say. just say something good enough to let them know you care, that they can trust you, that you're there for them (depending on how close you are).
just like ive practiced thinking about the right thing to say, maybe i should also think about the right time to say it. cuz i struggle with this a lot #bottlingthingsupandnotsayingwhatimeanandneverfeelingliketheresarighttime

bonus: - "i meant what i said.. about liking you the way you are. i don't know that i've every thought that more about anyone i've ever met"
these old men fluffy romance moments had me smiling daftly n kicking my feet. IN PUBLIC. love can be so damn cute. there are so many cute moments like this alsdkfjkdsafjasdfsad. my 2016 roots are showing.... but also why cant straight romance (im thinking, indigo top sellers, colleen hoover, actually just colleen hoover i gave up after reading one) ever be this good. like idk why its sm easier to cringe at maybe i just havent read a good one yet.

never thought id see my name in a book, much less in this particular sentence LMAO.
also i realized im very bad at writing actual book reviews LMAO. cuz every review i write becomes a rambling of musings (scrooblings!) prompted by the book, a far removed simulacra of what the book is. but i'm chill with that, writing my thoughts makes me happier anyways.
future thoughts (cuz its 4am and i should leave this to another post):
on linus choosing happiness - choosing the unconventional path
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saw this on substack and i appreciate the sentiment a lot. cuz isnt the point of living, upon satisfying ur means for survival, to grow the soul?
and to eat apple bacon fritters. ts so good


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aug 18-aug24
taqueria jalisco
thierry mount pleasant
DQ
the glass castle
j*b
going to toronto
aug11-aug17
ramen danbo
blenz
j*b
aug4-aug10
boathouse
h word
fear and trembling
till sickness unto death
tmr and tmr and tmr
jul 28-aug3
superman
jul 20-27
dying
j*b
jul 13-jul20
midnight library
jul 6-jul12
prado cafe
algorithms to live by
500 days of summer
kim's mart
jun 29-jul5
wedgemount lake - tupper lake
little pisces
either or - kierkegaard
perfect blue
lumiere cafe
lumine cafe
jun 22-28
see sea - hyolyn
dirty work - aespa
kpop demon hunters
look back
house on the cerulean sea
mans search for meaning
comma cafe
whisk matcha cafe
sio cafe
49th parallel and luckys donuts
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look back (2024) thoughts


3.5/5
to sum it up, this film is simple, but well done it doesn't raise its voice at you, so to speak, demanding your attention like an viral tiktok's hook.
i was inspired to write this review because i noticed that kyumoto was drinking orange juice in the hallway of the art school, and in the flashbacks of them working on their first few comics together, they were drinking orange juice. what a cute detail, right? in the 3 body problem series, there was a part that was talking about how certain pieces of media are "data-rich" (this is from memory, might not be accurate). like how a photo of the sky holds more information entropy than a painting i think this film gives me the impression that the characters are very informationally entropic (oml i swear theres a more artsy way to say this, i just can't think of it.) i get the impression they distend beyond the screen, that there's more information about them that isn't pointed out, that what's shown to us is the tip of the ice berg.
which segues into me answering: what makes this film stand out? many would say it's the realism. the comics were realistic for what a grade 4 could do, mirrors realism, gives it credibility, draws you in. what makes realism is details. how the characters walk, how they act callously, their flaws, their relatability. realism gives the film credibility, it gives it weight to the characters and thus emotional attachment to the consequences of their actions.
though, some elements of the character felt outlandish - does jealousy really drive 2 years of grinding? some parts felt cliche (like a part i won't spoil), but the simplicity of this train of thought might be a faithful depiction naivety of a young girl and not simplistic writing.
it also touches on what art is. i think looking at the movie in a meta lens, art seems to blur the line between literal and delusional, as a means of coping. artists also view the world in a particular way - i think of the time before the event depicting kyumoto. it mirrored a story board. with captions of where she was and clear "shots" instead of a continuous sequence. this style also gives you meta hints that you're in fujino's story, her "delusion" which is a bit sad
god its hard to write an analysis without spoiling. i think we're in the clear tho
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why is writing so hard
i genuinely think i lost the skill to write creatively. damn you school system for making me write exclusively essays for the past 4 years.
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