searching-for-synpathy

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Things to do tn:

-jork orf

-play delatrune

-eat ice cream and cake

- ???

-profit

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I really need to walk into the park in a stupid little outfit and lay on the grass. I need to.

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Rn im feeling like. Insecure about the fact that I keep finding thjngs to be insecure about. You know. Like for a while it was jobjobjobjob. Then i got a great job. Now its friends?? You havw no friends?? Is your relationship fulfilling enough??? Why do yoy look so stupid?? Aghhh and its just thag stupid gnawing dissatisfaction all the time and its so dumb. Just be Chill for once brain omfg. Anyway but yes things are fine. I was in mega planning mode for a little while recently but now that thats done i kinda feel like maybe I should…loosen up and enjoy myself a little bit?? Like…in a way what is the point if I dont. I still need to feel like life is worth living. I am still trying to stick to a budget and save and pay off debt but What If i dipped into savings a little bit to attend a show or grab an extra dinner or drink. What Is The Worst That Could Happen. I have a path I’ve set it out and I’m gonna follow it. And the world is ending. Might as well start finding out what actually makes me happy now and unfortunately that often requires going out of the house (= spending money)

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I am kind of sad that I havent seen any progress from testosterone yet but I know i just have to hang in there. Everything with time. I’ve also been wanting to swing back to a much more traditionally masculine presentation, oddly, since before I thought I wanted to femme up my wardrobe just a bit. I feel like I just feel perpetually dissatisfied with my presentation and crave the opposite of whatever I’m doing at that time. On the other hand, maybe i’ve just been leaning towards feminine stuff because I felt ashamed about presenting at the far end of the masc spectrum. When i just wear a simple jean and graphic T shirt combo I still feel somewhat insecure about “looking like a high schooler” so it’s definitely still in there. Idk, i want to look masc but all the masc outfits I have, I feel like I look immature/stupid in them?? I am going to try the Indyx styling next month and see if it helps me cultivate a better masc wardrobe.

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Opening instagram scares me on a genuine and deep level. What do you mean liked by 89,000 other people

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My job offers tuition reimbursement for 1 class / semester and at first like a dumbass i thought “well I dont want to spend the money on the other 3 classes per semester just to get a random degree” without realizing. That i can just take a singular class. Without it contributing to a degree at all. I could take art or creative writing or data analysis or game design. This is fucking awesome I love this job

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Should i make a horny sideblog. Actually making a horny sideblog on here feels like a practically useless endeavor. But making a horny twitter feels like walking outside butt naked right. Plus i dont use twitter. Bluesky? Getting a bluesky just to be horny on makes me feel like a pervert. In the old internet there would be an entire social site for this like sweetbutchesseekingcomfort.com

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After I posted this I went to the Stonewall Inn with my girlfriend, made conversation with a sexy sexy old butch, and killed at karaoke with an excellent song choice. I win.

Bro not to toot my own horn too hard but i am kinda killing it at my job. By my standards. Making friends, being socially normal, contributing to decision making, coming up with ideas that help my boss, doing the work good. Its only my second week! Im so glad i got this job :))

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Bro not to toot my own horn too hard but i am kinda killing it at my job. By my standards. Making friends, being socially normal, contributing to decision making, coming up with ideas that help my boss, doing the work good. Its only my second week! Im so glad i got this job :))

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Ok finished my tutor training, installed the app needed to run the tutor program (AND TROUBLESHOOTED THE HELL OUT OF IT MIGHT I ADD,) on the way to possibly making a very good workflow at work, cant think of anything else I could possibly be doing rn lol

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made 2 diff versions

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2019… 🥺

Testosterone...would be good

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My dreams were absolutely fucking bizarre bro

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Certain People would flay me for this but like I wish that I could thank ChatGPT for the services it provides me lmao. I wish it could understand gratitude and process it. I’ve just always been a big fictional robot fan and that probably contributes but on a practical level it truly is just very useful to have an instant, always-accessible sounding board for slightly high-risk writing situations like emails. If I wasn’t using ChatGPT i’d either be bothering real people about it or agonizing over tweaking the stupid email for like an hour. I’m also quite glad that it was developed when I was already an adult, so that it didn’t have any effect on my writing abilities as they developed, but it is kind of the perfect complement to my skills, I would say. Particularly as an anxious kinda-awkward person. It’s also just an incredible technology and I cannot really believe how well it works. I grew up BEFORE IPHONES. Man. Anyway yeah ChatGPT is my pet lizard or whatever that can’t understand that I love it <3

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Update, I have handed the leash to my girlfriend, who allowed me to purchase a pair of white loafers on depop for $16 with shipping. I am such a good little spending cuck

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If ChatGPT were saving my data, it would know fucking EVERYTHING about me

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nothing that a haircut and a wardrobe update and a detox and a sex change and a fake ID and getting medicated and selling all my stuff and faking my death and moving country can't fix