secretport

[secretport]

19052025

Try to know this one person, but getting annoyed sebab pace dia laju sgt sebab dah talk abt marriage.

Ofc my target to know him to get married, if we matched each other's criteria. Right? Not enough with marriage things, he start to talk abt his pasts (even though already told me the story ftf). Sucks.

I don't even know what's wrong with me. The man i pursue to take seriously, game aku. The person i tried to know better, act like self centered? Allahu Akbar!

I told myself that, one day i want to try this with Him. But, i don't even start yet. Hm malas tapi nak mintak tolong dia.

[secretport]

Aku dah kecewa byk dah ni yaAllag, kurniakan la aku rezeki kerja yg baik pulak yaAllah

[secretport]

16052025

I'm really really stressed getting to know ppl (talking stage)

[secretport]

14052025

Today i kinda discovered that men always have their 'turn off' flag over women. But what if only me? Hahahsh life is a joke i guess.

Faris- lying abt age

Aliff - stalking him over socmed (i guess) - the excuse he gave me: "i tak ready, need betulkan diri kejap".

What makes sense for me is, I'm not their choice at first place.

[secretport]

13052025

I wanna tell ya that i found my new eternal love!!! Amiin

[secretport]

09052025

Love injection = sleeping pills

Karaoke till late night, then otp with him for an hour. Sleep for 4 hours, but not really deep. Then woke up at morning and yet still freshy mushy

[secretport]

080325

Allah, I am really envious of everyone rn. To see couple, achievements & family 😭

I also want that kind of hug, sweet words and small effort of affection 🥹

[secretport]

21.12.24

Someday i questioned, why Allah open my heart easily towards the 'wrong' person.

I did move on, i tried to replace him with someone. I tried but not same. It sucks to think abt how can i fall in love with him sheesh

[secretport]

201124

Dah ada orang suka kau, kau ghosting pastu melepas

Ha padan la muka tu ahahahha (gelak jahat)

Week 12 which means bulan ke 3 i dpt closure, i dpt jelirkan lidah wekwekkan dia really satisfying after what I've gone through

Jauh dlm sudut hati i, i doa may he get his lesson (dulu) baru ada akai sikit, and jumpa the one yg ikhlas macam i ni tapi bukan aku lah

Hati aku dah mati dah kat dia😌

Boleh ke cari org macam aku? Tak janji ah ahhahha

[secretport]

Nov last year 2023 till Nov 2024

What can i say?

It's beyond my power to control my feelings and hos feeling too.

What can i say, I'd fallen harder. He played, and just love bombing w me.

I don't know what's up in his mind, intention and so on? But it's not appropriate to receive love from.both ppl

The chronology was like👇

22hb aku confess and 'berkawan' dgn dia

30hb something aku bagi dia turn off

4hb dia post pompuan tu kt ig

5hb befday aku

°what i could say is, Thank you for coming into my life. But this is the ending. I got the closure, i got played. Bye

[secretport]

161124

I'm trying new things, will taaruf w other person.

Guess what, I'd felt quite regret.

I should end it with 'cool' not foolish. Like you already find yours ke? Aku nak gerak.

Now I'm listening to my fav song when my heart was blooming with the love. Enchanted - Taylor Swift. I did hope that he will wait for me not for another someone else. I'm enchanted to meet him at Perlis ciaciacia

Am i excited to meet someone new? I guess biasa biasa saja. Takut pun ada sebenarnya . Bye , will keep update soon

[secretport]

Penat dah nak layan. Nak prevent than cure

[secretport]

2am of 11 nov 24, i can't fall asleep because i took caffeine st the evening. I did something that wrong, i feel like my problems can't be solved. That's how anxiety works girl. Naturally you are kind of problem solver, but at that time i lost myself.

I start arguing myself why i be like this, why I can't achieved thst, why and why and why. And i can't shed any tears cause my heart felt like an empty shell.

I tried chatting my friends to feed my loneliness. 2am guys! What do you expect?? Ppl will come and comfort you. By that time, i only thought "YaAllah aku ada Kau ja" "Ampunkan aku YaAllah, bantu aku.." The feeling of breakdown really hit ne at the wall. I even call my mum at 2am just to get comfort. But i know, i just disturbed her rest time..

So at what time i can't remember i fell asleep finally. But this morning. I did some reflection over my issues last night, and suddenly think, the situation last night seems to be my afterlife in grave soon.

Allahu akbar, i can't even breathe last night. My heart felt empty, my muscles became cramp, and my mind numb.

Please i didn't want this happen again, either in this dunia or even afterlife. Please protect me. Only Allah csn save me.

Reciting Kalam Allah can save me, selawat can calm me down. But what I'm looking now, is a partner???

[secretport]

Week 10 of clash

Relapse again, which i didn't expect girl! I thought in W9 i already move on 99%.

But sosmed really wake the feelings again. Yes, I'm very agreed with some ppl that block their ex for certain reason. Because a little thing like this. This can't be settled down if i think i have a chance.

And the most breaking part was, i really can't accept Allah's plan, can't accept when someone can't give the same vibe while thinking they must follow what i want, reply me asap, want me like i want them.

[secretport]

Tuhan, tolong sembuhkan luka ini.

Kalau dicerita, sakit ini tiada apa bagi mereka

Meratapi hari hari sedih tanpa cinta orang yg aku pengen

Sakit itu terasa dalam dan panjang

Panjang yg tiada berpenghujung.

Tapi kerna sekali cinta, selama cinta.

[secretport]

One fine day,

One fine day I'll be okay

This pain will recover and got heal

Trust Allah plan

[secretport]

Sumpah mental memang tak orait doh

Dah masuk W6, tiba termimpi pulak

Sumpah kena cari pengganti mesti settle

Tapi jiwa takleh accept anyone sekarang