seculles-blog

[seculles-blog]

inang

[seculles-blog]

may 20 10:14

sitting here at the airport waiting to board im pondering about the things i will take away from this trip. the biggest take away id have ti say would be making connections. ive gained links to this side of the world i would have never made connections with. not just for me but for all walks ive crossed paths with. its bittersweet that inang had to pass for family to get together. my cousin would have never met her half sister. my aunts would have never reconnected with my uncle because of the bad blood between my his sisters and his spouse. my aunts would have never spoken to each other if it wasnt for me and my dad coming into town. my mother was always the regulator between them. and she hasnt been back in 30 yrs. my ate hasnt seen her little brother in 6 years cuz hes been in toronto focusing on his career. re connecting is the name of the game it feel like. my father is gonna come back next year and help oversee the construction of the family condo. inang left the family some money and now we're gonna take her house and some of the surrounding properties and make a 10 unit condo. one for each sibling. a vacation home and rememberance for the clan. my cousins say inang went in gratitude. being gratefull for her lifetime of accomplishments and wut her legacy has accomplished. it was hard to let go even though i had such a short time with her. even though i completely cut family out the past 18 years, i would still get updates on how she was doing and wut she was up to. she was my only grandmother. the only one i ever knew and if its anything she taught me, even indirectly, its to keep family close. she did. everyone around her did as well and i see the happiness it gave them. another thing that i will take away from this trip. thank you inang for this experience. an experience i needed to realign my self. thank you and love you.

[seculles-blog]

may 19th 22:19

sitting in the dark thinkin abouty last entry in this condo rental. this airbnb was definitly a great idea. we would have been paying double the price at a sketchy hotel in pick pocket central. there are some things about this place tho. the sink and toilets both leak and constantly leave pools that we would, correction: i would have to clean once a day. theres no median to the ac unit. it get very cold or very humid in a matter of minutes. my dad has the shitty end cuz the unit blasts towards his bed and during the day the sun just faces down towards his room. the condo unit itself is roughly 300 sq foot studio with a divider that seperates the room into a sleeping an living area. im on the sofabed which i cant complain on but his lumpy pillows so my ikea shirt covered pillows at home is a luxury in comparison. the kitchen is an indoor/outdoor that spills into a balcony which i quite large. 350 sq ft. bigger then the studio itself. living here would actually be dope if u wanna be in the city but have patio furniture or and outdoor workout area. ive been doin some pull ups out there in the morning. the biggest surprise walking into this condo was the simple yet crucial nessecity that all rental should come equipped with is no fukkin tv and wifi! hows someone on business supposed to come into this city and either do work or pass time. i was already spending around $7/day on prepaid cards to stay connected with friends and fam but it doubled in price just the first night. i let the owner know and he was able to drop off pocket wifi so atleast pops can get on facebook. i even rented some dvds in case our 800mb/day were up. One thing i cant really complain about this condo is its location. a block away from high street, it is quickly becoming my favorite place on earth for shopping. just ecclectic selection of high end and shit u cant find anywhere or only in specific regions r even exclusively here in manila. there are nike and asics colorways exclusively created for manila and its super huge running scene out here. as soon as it goes dark and its nice enough to run, a third of the pedestrians on the street are geared in highly reflective and compression. i even ran one night but stood out cuz all my gear was for lifting and not running. wutevs i got to run streets of bgc. Last night i thought i would see high street one last time and people watch. thinking i wouldnt see these stores for a long time as the clerks start shutting down and closing the stores up, i hear jurrasic 5's 'jayou' in the faint. completely opposite of the direction i was walking towards the condo i follow the hard beats. i get closer, the beats are cut and scratched into a jazzy drum and melody, hipsters surround this indoor/outdoor lounge reminding me of dirty laundry lounge when it was still there. i try to walk in and the dude tries to stop me from walkin in. american accent to my surprise. "i was just strolling by and hurd music" i told him in my best hip young dude accent. a mistiso looking fellow waves him off and walks me to a table and these beats are just getting better. scratching, juggling, finger drumming, bongos. hip hop at its finest and all the golden stuff. black moon, tribe, epmd, souls of mischief. alot of mash ups with grunge too. these djs were talented. there was alot of congratuations and over the top greeting to the one mistiso lookin dude. he did get a chance to come up to me an chit chatted a lil bit. he reminded me of the late chaz b a lil bit. it wasnt until we were interupted by more of his friends that i realized, its a fukken private party i just crashed. im glad i did tho cuz everyone was dressed super hip. they all had american accents. white girls, black guys, young execs with dope suits, bboys, fashionistas, hiphop nerds, rastas and the coolest looking filipinos ive ever seen. a certain song came on and ppl went crazy. it looked a lil like a group of dudes in the back were getting extra acknowledgement frm the dj and crowd. im thinkin this hip hop song's artist were these dudes. i quickly tried shazaming but couldnt get a hit. it was dope. it sounded a bit like tribe called quest but with taglish. this spot was super cool and i was already schemeing my next visit.

[seculles-blog]

may 18th 08:14

we are now back here in bgc after a short trip to laguna to visit my mothers siblings. i gotta give it up to my kuya alan for picking us up and droping us off and fetching stuff like alcohol and odds and ends and being basically our tour guide. driving around with him is nice cuz he drives a white toyota vios. pretty clss to a corolla so i feel almost home when we are cruising. he works for a hotel and has hooks like a concierge does. he drives around celebs and sometimes gets to party with them. hes driven around kobe bryant, neyo and country ambassaders. hes even been serenaded by boyz to men driving them to the airport. just a couple weeks ago he got to party with bruno mars! wish i was there for that. it was his suggestion to stay in this area becuz he picked us up at the other hotel and was like, youd much more enjoy and be safer in bgc, taguig area. and he was right. the only thing was it was super hard to find an air bnb in this area. its full blown summer vacay here and its bumpin everywhere. this area doesnt have hotels and the nearest one is like 5 blocks away. thats far for manila traffic. we were lucky to find an airbnb right in between high street and sm aura mall. one block radius to each spot. only thing is theres no tv or wifi here, even tho its listed on the rental page. fell a lik conned but for $40 a night, i cant really complain cuz the location is money. ill suck up the $5/day data to keep in touch with fam, friends and gf. i miss them so much ryt now. i miss my car. i miss the cleanliness of peg. i miss the gym. i miss clean eating. i miss smoking. today is another shopping day with pops and we gonna catch a flick together. something we've never done ever. i feel like he misses home too. and my mother. i hlad we got to link with my uncles and aunts and cousins. theyre all so much like her. mannerism and all. i didnt really get to connect as well as i did with my dads side of the family but im still glad we did. 2 more days. im actually really looking forward to the flight. 12 hours of movies. its the best. barely slept on the flight here cuz the movie selection was so good. who needs netflix and apple. just hop on an over night flight!

[seculles-blog]

may 15th 20:59

bonifacio global city or BGC is a dope spot in manila. its a hard core develoing area that has everything from financial district to high end, boutique and mall shopping. pubs and lounges and green space for joggning or people watching. basically wall street in new york with a bit of its south eastern corner of central parks green space, mixed with queen street shoping in toronto with more of an upscale vibe like rodeo drive in los angeles. its crazy down here that im afraid i may go broke. its also abit of a bittersweet story to the whole development of this area because they had to buy out and dismantle half of my mothers home town of pateros for the neighbourhood to flourish. my mothers relatives from cali are also in the town so we were meeting them in this area. my cousin in cali i knew nothing about until maybe last year. she came to visit peg when she was 13. i always thought of her as my chubby little cousin frm cali and nothing more. my mom told me she worked for google amd thought that was awesome. got to spend lunch with her today and she mentioned that theres a huge silicone valley scouting war over my cousins talent. netflix and facebook has offers to steal her and google has counter offers to keep her and she doesnt know what to do. its funny how even after being absent for long that adings and manongs will still come to kuya for support and advice. its also funny realizing how much in the past 10-15 years ive shut out family and how successfull and great some of my fam has turned out in my absence. but also in their absence where could i have gone and how i would be in life right now with the support and just having them around? theres a bit of an exercise in my head that i kind of practice while im out here. like if i hung around my aunt ging ging alot, would i be in the marijuana game like her? or if i had the push and charisma and take some of the small time advice i gave my cousin april when she was a kid for my self, would i be in IT like she is working in cali? being thousands of miles away from comforts and luxuries of home, and weed, ur mind tends to run wild. like here i am in a beatiiful portion of the country. me and my dad has never been closer but all i can think about is where im at in life and where it can be and how to get there. this type of thinking might just be a little bit of an awakening. or maybe a case of homesickness and bud withdrawl.

[seculles-blog]

may 14th 08:15

its beatiful here on the farm. a couple of acres competely surrounded by a revign. a three tier farm system with workers barracks right next door. about a couple hundred feet from the farms is a work in progress complex. itll be super nice when finished. indoor/outdoor kitchen. gun room. theres no couches or anywhere to sit comfortably just yet bit when its done down here itll be pimpin for a farm. the 2nd level is more old school bahay kubo type with mostquito nets and hammocks. the vegetation here is super rich. sampalok trees. mango trees. pinapple trees and other vegetation i domt even know or heard them talk about. jackfruit is probably my favorite so far. its fun to dip ur hands in oil, break open the jackfruit, de-pit the seeds and seperate the meat from everything else. chickens on the farm is basically all u can eat. its no wonder my aunt and uncle want to live this life. it seems like a good one. theres a pack of dogs on the farm. at first theyre just doing their jobs being being protective not letting theor gaurd down and being mean to everyone. i was almost bit by one. all it really rook was to show the alpha dog that we are family and that we mean no harm. the alpha was all of a sudden a puppy towards me and basically owned me by sitting on my foot. when dogs do that its a sign that he will now protect u like he protects the farm. the other dogs all of a sudden were friends of mine. my uncle said hes nevwr seen blacky (the alpha dog) act like that towards anyone. i have that thing with animals i guess. thats probably why my friends call me the dog whisperer. my dad seems to enjoy it out here. since being here hes barely indoors. even sleeping under the sampalok tree at night. hes a kid again and my aunt knows it. i think thats why they brought us here. its good for the siblings. that and the fam can help with the chicken harvest for the next couple of days. better not tell customs cuz they apparently quarantine ppl who have been on chicken farms. gonna miss this farm for sure.

[seculles-blog]

may 13th 22:54

the long drive frm isabella through manila and to cavite was a def a journey. here thinking all the long drving was already done. we are here now in cavite at my aunt and uncles chicken farm. they are both now retired and started this business out here cuz, i guess they can. just natural go getters that need to keep busy. being here in the farm ive learned alot about our the clan. without the distraction of the funeral and other family members i was able to really get to know each individual fam jam. my aunt and uncle have this farm post retirement. i have an uncle whos had a daughter out of wedlock. my cousin just foind out about her 3 yrs ago and shes had anxiety about it ever since. she got to meet her sister this weekend and she seemed to be taking it ok. good for her though i dont think i have the mental capacity to go what she went through. shes got a god heart that one. maybe one of my favorite cousins. my aunt is a gamgster lady that owns a grow op and has a couple distributions. thug life fo real. she owned a maserati and now an e class benz, looking at proerties in jamaica and in the states and travels all over the place. she makes big time in wpg look like small tym runners. i look up to her the most. she is the youngest of my dads siblings and aside frm aunties chicken farm and other side ventures and business she has aside, this aunt is the biggest go getter. one of my biggest take aways frm this trip will have to be wanting to be more like my aunts for sure. my cousin that ive known since almost birth i just found out her husband is gamgster too. i really cant picture that considering how mousie she is. super soft spoken, kind and polite. i just cant picture her attracting and being with someone like that. i did hear that hes worked very hard to change his ways and get approval frm my aunt n uncle. the best buddy of the trip would have to my cousin who fast glimpse of us two you would know right away we were related. smoke weed, man bun, video games, edm n partying, foodie etc etc. we have so much in common. ive already made promises to come hang cause me not keeping in touch would be the biggest waste cause we get along so well.

[seculles-blog]

may 11th 17:25

that was definite the most difficult part of the trip. not the unbearable heat in a 200 yr old church. not that the cermony was entirely in ilocano. not the fact that i wore the most uncomfortable shoes walking from the house to the church to the burial site. al that was easy compared to seeing my father and siblings go absolutely ballistic as their mother is slowly lowered into the ground. inangs sister is 95 and her brother is 80 something and they almost wouldnt let go of the casket. one of my aunts actually fainted and had to be carried away with fear of her falling into the grave. i tear up just thinking about the sites and sounds of that entire hour at the gravesite. my aunt rose especially hit me super hard. shes the unspkoken head of the clan. a very strong figurehead and wut i see as a tru symbol of strong female leader type. she organized and almost paid for the entire service, the organization and gathering of all family members,just a straight up general if i ever met one. she came back and fourth to the phils to upgrade and throw up additions to the house so the remaining years inanga life was much more comfortable. but seeing such a strong women break down just about did it for me. no one is ever ready to bury their mother.

[seculles-blog]

may 11th 00:33

i just spent all day with first cousins the last tym i met were either an emo teenager, pudgy bratty little boy who lives his attention, or not even born yet. i glad we were able to connect in ways i was never able to connect with fam before. all having problems of their own and already opening up to kuya who they havent met yet or havent seen in a very long tym. feeling terrible for not popping in last couple of tyms in yvr to even say hello before being selfish and shuttling straight to whistler to ride. i never knew i was able to connect with my cousin who in very different worlds, a 17 yr old living that senior yr graduation life able to connect with the most. almost instantly kuya senses kicking in and giving her advice to a family member going through i would probably say is a very tough tym for not just someone young but for anykne to go through. what inspires me most is how mature she is at such a young age. i wish inhad the chops that she had at that age and be able to to take on anything. even one of my cousins who, having living a songle mother life grow up to someone so caring and so cool. if i was his age i can see someone being best of friends with and most def will be calling him up when im in town. also witnessing my cousin who was known for being week at a young age, show courage standing up for himself in a way i never thought i would see come from a dude like this. i must say my cousins are super cool and proud to stand side by side in the clan.

[seculles-blog]

may 10th 06:19

the seculles clan reminds me alot of that episode of the simpsons where lisa wanted to know more about her roots and homer and marge gathers a bunch of theryre family outside of the house. and each individual family member looks the same but different. last nyt ive met members of 'the clan' as a term theyve used quite frequently, and have met some interesting characters. my great uncle whos a discharged military and seems to still suffer from pts but a sweet little guy. a cousin who seems to have a mental disorder kind of like the village idiot walks around with no shoes, no teeth and a bad ass afro. a nephew policeman who really takes after me in height build and demeanor. my dad took a couple pix of us together and really took a shine to him because of the training hes had and the gun talk. he gonna take us to shoot off a couple rounds tomorow. a couple aunts who are cleaners, nurturers and providers for the clan who are basically like my aunts in vancouver, just fobbed. an uncle, my dads cousin, who worked in the oil fields in saudi arabia for 29 years who learned how to speak engish watching american televsion, and brags about it. and that he didnt need to take university and leave isabella to learn english, making gestures at my dad. he must have told me 10 times yesterday. i met an uncle who is known as the bad boy of my father's brothers has some gangster ties in the region. he and some of his entorage, could be cousins as well, has a portion or all of their pinkys chopped off. in the yakuza tradtion it was a form of punishment. this uncle who looks almost exaxtly like my dad, just fatter and with white hair, seems to stare me down alot. i asked my dad why so and he mumbled in drunkness to my father that he said i look like someone he had shot and killed. id like to think hes joking. the clan is expecting a couple more today and excited to meet them. today will be a ceramony held by my inang's senior assocation so we can expect alot of elderly as well. and a lot of elderly touching my arms.

[seculles-blog]

may 9th 00:32

3 hr flight winnipeg to vancouver. 11 hr layover. 12 hr flight vancouver to manila. 3 hr wait at the bus station. 9 hr drive manila to cordon, isabella. some would call that quite the journey. i think i have to throw these socks and the insoles of my shoes away. but all this way to witness pops see the house he grew up in and all his siblings is totally worth it. its a different side of him ive not seen since i was a kid. i miss that side of my father. you hear terminology like jet lagged and culture shocked when u travel the distances ive travelled just in the past couple days but im not quite sure i get terms like that. especially when its fam ur travelling for. theres a lizard in my room 😳

[seculles-blog]

may 6th 8:21p

i am sitting across my pops in the international terminal of YVR. between us, empty paper plates of churches chicken. we've been alone together now for almost the whole day and ive just now realize the simlarities we have. the annoying peeves like ppl with accects that talk too loud and think they are the only ones in the room. our stubbornness to remove our sunglasses indoors (in our defence, these glass walls lets all the sunlight in). the way we both non shalontly fade away from conversations initiated by friendly passer-by's. the paranoia that if left alone for just 2 seconds our carry on luggage will get jacked. and the love for fried chicken. i have never felt any more now that i am my fathers son.

[seculles-blog]

may 4th 10:40pm

It hasn’t quite hit me just yet that I will be travelling to the phills.  It has been over 30 years since I have been there and I don’t remember shit.  I only recall pics of me there.  Little toddler mike in his high adidas shorts, super fair skin, much lighter then all of his cousins chillin on bamboo sticks.  I wish I had the picture.  Here I am over 30 years later finding out that my dear Inang had passed a couple days ago.  Family from all over already flocking towards the mother land.  My dad hasn’t been back since he flew here 36 maybe 37 years ago.  Coming to Canada as a punk kid looking to party like a canadian. I’m going with him because he does not see so well and I wanna make sure he gets there and back safely.  Its probably the realest thing I do for any of my family ever.  I’m not and have never been big into family but this gives me a chance to reconnect with my dad, reconnect with the family i haven’t been in touch with since childhood and reconnect with my ancestry.  Here we go...