selfcare2sanitee-blog

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Got a little lost again..

Not sure where I’ve been.  I just haven't been feeling like myself.. I made it to “normal” but why can’t I move to the next level? Happiness.

When I started this journey, more specifically, this blog.. I was so adamant to succeed. I wanted to overcome all of my obstacles instantly because I thought I was holding myself accountable so change must follow suit.. but it didn’t.  Life circumstances do not just improve because you tell them to and issues that you’re currently sad about don’t just resolve themselves because you decide to take your mental health seriously. Often times, trials and tribulations seem to multiply when you’re trying your best to stay uplifted, or they have in my own experience at least.  I want to know.. need to know.. why I can’t seem to move past it and be happy anyway.

---> i tell myself I could have it worse to try to ground myself in gratitude. I say to myself, over and over, almost like a soft chant -  “I could have been born into a family that doesn’t live in The United States where I enjoy many freedoms.  I could have been born into a family who put me up for adoption and spent my entire life in the system. I could have no idea where I’m going to sleep tonight .. but none of those realities are my own. I am safe, taken care of, and happiness will come.” 

In due time...                      in...due...time....

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THE WAY YOU SEE YOURSELF IS THE WAY YOU WILL ALLOW OTHERS TO TREAT YOU.

When you see yourself in a positive way, you won’t settle for anything less than strictly positive vibes only!

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Don’t become so obsessed with the result that you forget to appreciate the beauty of the process.

Nicole Addison @thepowerwithin

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You can knock me down, but I will always get back up again.

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you’re going to get yourself where you want to be.

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Brain ~ Muscle

When you use a muscle more offen, your body replenishes the muscle and adds a little bit more to it, anticipating it will be used again.

When you think a certain way for days, weeks, months at a time, you’re forming a mental habit. Your mind starts to think that way more often.

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I’m back...

Dark.. Dull.. Dreary.. Drowning.. That is how I have spent the last two weeks but I am DETERMINED to defeat depression.  My personal battle with depression dates back to 1999, a four year old little girl with her entire life ahead of her stunted by sadness in every sense. Fake smiles on the swing-set because the thoughts in her head make her feel less than, ugly, and incapable while everyone around her seems normal..seems happy. Why can’t she? 

--> Much like other Mental Health Warriors, I fell into an old pattern and have truly felt the effects of what it means to be at the bottom of a steep, inclined hill I worked so hard to climb. Also, much like other Mental Health Warriors, I held it inside because I couldn’t stand to bother the people around me with my issues yet again. During the past 14 days... I couldn’t look myself in the mirror. I ate unhealthily. I didn’t work out. Didn’t clean a single inch of my apartment. I isolated myself. Cried. Yelled. Freaked out entirely. Slept whenever I wasn’t working. Thought that life was pointless and that I had no hope for a brighter tomorrow.   ** Clearly, delusional but trapped in these thoughts nonetheless. **

--> At first, I started this blog to keep me from returning to this behavior but I slipped. I relapsed into old thought processes. That doesn’t make me weak or incapable of change but it stunted my growth until I could get back to a basic reality.

** Basic Reality: Get out of bed. Shower. Become presentable. Go to work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat; Although this blog began as “Self-Care” it has evolved through my need to be transparent through the process. Transparency is acknowledging growth as much as it is acknowledging relapses in my judgment and thought patterns. Transparency allows honesty and most importantly tracking & accountability on my own end. --> Sometimes choosing to continue is the hardest decision a person has to make and I have been lucky enough to consistently choose to pursue finding happiness even though it seems as if it will never come.

Thank you for following my journey through the good and the bad.

Fourteen days of depression might have been a set back but I am seeing clearly. I am focused on building myself back to my basic reality so that I can become strong enough to defeat my depression for good.

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❄️❄️ Snowed in for the weekend creeped into the week! It is now Tuesday and the snow is preventing society from functioning it’s smoothest.

Luckily, I’ve been able to work from home and I am even luckier to have my slow cooker. It helped me make a few meals that kept me warm and full.

—> On Monday, to keep positive momentum toward my goal I chose to make a healthy comfort food, meatless Dr Pepper BBQ Pulled “Pork” Sliders. I used Jackfruit and Quinoa as my meat substitute.

I don’t usually follow recipes, so I found the ingredients for this on a Tasty Video and kind of intuitively measured to taste.

I cut up some red onion, put it in the crockpot as a bottom layer, added the whole pouch of Jackfruit, sprinkled brown sugar all over, added hickory brown sugar sweet baby rays bbq sauce, then about 10 oz Dr Pepper and let cook on high for 2 hours.

Then I added a little more bbq and Dr Pepper let cook on high for another hour, then added about a cup of dry quinoa with a little more Dr Pepper... I tried to stir it up a lot and shred as it cooked.

About 1/2 hour after the quinoa was added I turned the slow cooker down to low while the Mac n cheese baked.

Voila! You can serve it however you want. On hot dog buns, in lettuce wraps, I chose whole wheat slider buns. Whatever your heart desires. ❤️

—> Today, the freezing temperatures are definitely the trial I’m facing this winter. My hands are dry, my lips are cracked, my depression is at a low because the seasonal aspect has kicked in, but I had some time to cook a feel good meal to help with all of that.

Packed with warmth and nutrients, I made Chicken Pot Pie Soup in my slow cooker. So easy to make! Just dump all of the ingredients, mix and let cook.

To prevent any undercooked chicken in my soups I always boil my boneless chicken and shred it before adding all of the ingredients together.

After the chicken is boiled, drained and shredded, set aside for a minute.

Turn the slow cooker on HIGH, add 2 family size cans of condensed cream of chicken soup, 1 3/4 cup of chicken stock, a bag of frozen mixed veggies, the shredded chicken, a handful of shredded mozzarella and 1 1/2 cups frozen diced hash browns.

Next, I added a few seasonings to taste (a few shakes of each, no more than a 1/2 tsp each)

Poultry seasoning

Salt

Pepper

Old bay

Garlic powder

Onion powder

Basil Leaves

Thyme Leaves

Finally, Stir it all together and let cook on HIGH for 3 hours, then switch to low until after you’re done serving.

—> What are some of your tips for taking care of yourself in this cold weather? ❄️❄️

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I’m probably going to be combining posts a lot actually 😂🤦‍♀️ I’m completing the little changes but I’m not posting daily like I wanted to. I guess it’s better than not doing anything to make a change at all.

—> Feel Good Friday is all about doing something that makes me feel good, in which case I got a nail fill 💅🏽💁🏽‍♀️ every time I look at my hands I get a good feelin 💞

—> Sassy Saturday!!

Unfortunately, I didn’t take any risks. I’ve been snowed in all weekend so it was hard to get out and do something new or try something new. I did however try a new Netflix series called, “SEX EDUCATION.” Great show! So great that I actually finished all 8 episodes on Saturday 🤦‍♀️ I definitely recommend you go watch!

—> Which brings us to Sunday, still snowed in but starting Smart nonetheless.. I’ve spent today resting, reading and cleaning, so that I can keep a focused mind as I take on another week!

Things might not always go according to plan but that doesn’t mean they won’t get done accordingly ✊🏽✨

How did you spend your snowed in weekend? 🥶

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I understand that I’m a day behind but I’m not feeling the best. This weather is really trying to slow me down.

I’m going to combine Wednesday and Thursday’s post because why not?

It may sound cheesy but I’m thankful that I made chili for dinner last night so I have left overs for a few days lol

My chili is very simple to make and can easily be adapted to your own taste. I choose to make my chili in a crock pot so that I could dump all of the ingredients, stir and let cook without worry, but you can shave at least an hour off your cooking time if you boil your pot of chili on the stove.

Ingredients:

1 packet of chili seasoning

—> I like my chili spicy so I get the “hot” pack.. they also have original or mild. Let your taste buds decide.

1 lb ground beef, browned and drained.

1/2 green pepper, diced

1/2 red onion, diced

Small pack fresh mushrooms, cleaned and sliced

1 can Lite kidney beans, drained

1 can Dark kidney beans, drained

1 can Chili beans, spicy (Let your tastebuds decide)

3 can diced tomatoes

—> Specifically, I used one can of regular diced tomatoes, 1 can Rotel diced “chili” tomatoes, and 1 can Rotel diced tomatoes with diced poblano peppers. As long as your replication has equal cans beans to tomatoes, the consistency of your chili will be the same.

1 1/2 cup of tomato juice

& stir together very well, and let cook on high for 2 hours and let simmer on low for 2 more.

For the cheddar bay biscuits, follow the box! My only recommendations would be to add a smidge more water and use triple cheddar shred instead of just sharp cheddar, you won’t regret it 💁‍♀️

I also made a salad later that night but that’s entirely up to your taste buds!

—> I am so grateful for my intuition with cooking.

✨ What ability have you been blessed with that you can’t help but be grateful for?

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Anxiety: You’re incapable. You’re not good enough. You deserve to be sad. You should hate yourself. Who would love you?

You: Anxiety, you’re wrong. This life is mine to live, and I choose to live happily. I choose to combat your grip by incorporating small positive changes. You will not win, I will. I love me.

This week for Take on your Trials Tuesday, I want to highlight a few tricks and tips that have helped me through my own personal journey to a healthier mindset. I used to succumb to what my anxiety told me about myself 100% of the time. Although, my anxiety hasn’t completely subsided, it has decreased drastically since I started working on healthier coping habits.

—> Poor mental health can be a draggggg.

Most of the time it feels like there is no end in sight, no ones listening, or no one cares to listen. That’s not necessarily true. Everyone has their own lives with their own worries and that does not mean they love you or worry about you any less. In the occasion you find yourself at the mercy of an attack without a place to turn, turn within. You hold the power, not your poor mental health.

|| Below are a few “Self Help” Tips. Tricks to help the anxious mind start looking within for support with combating negative thoughts and habits. ||

—> Journal! Writing is a good way to incorporate “self help” into your journey to a healthier mindset. Get creative! Write poetry, lyrics, plays, Self Care prompts...etc, write an apology letter to yourself, write a love letter to yourself, write a letter to the person you are now from the perspective of the person you will be at the end of your journey. Keep your writing handy so that you can read and reread as many times as you need when you need support.

—> Make Art! Not so good with words? Convey a message through art. Be mindful of the process and use it to relax. Do not worry if you will become the next Picasso or VM Gogh. Worry about letting go of your negative energy so that you can become the best version of you.

—> Exercise! Sweating and moving your body gets the good vibes going, literally. Exercising increases endorphin production and endorphins = good vibes.

—> Recite positive affirmations in the mirror or during a meditation routine.

Your thoughts turn into words and your words into your reality. Speak kindly to yourself, your anxiety already treats you like a monster, you don’t have to too.

—> If your mental health crisis persists through an honest effort at these self help activities, seek a crisis hotline. There are people available to talk, no questions asked - just support from a human being who understands you’re having a rough time.

ALWAYS remember, your life has purpose. You are loved and you will live a life beyond your present state of mind. Love yourself enough to keep fighting, even if that means fighting from your core. || You’re worth it. 💚 ||

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—> *Deep Sigh* Do you ever find yourself wasting a whole day getting through 3 tasks on your to-do list because nothing seems to go smoothly??

Woooooowiiiee, that was today! The old Tee would’ve rehearsed every mistake that was made today for the rest of the week.

But! I am consciously willing a positive change into my life.

The new Tee’s Motto; So.. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be but THAT’S OKAY 👌🏽

I decided that I wasn’t going to let a few dips in my day prevent me from building my momentum towards my big goal.

—> Today, I was human.

I was moody, and I was upset about what I had been experiencing. I felt emotions such as anger, sadness, confusion and overall discontent..

I finally settled in for the night at home around 7:15 pm and it was simple as that! Once I was finally in my safe space, I made the decision to counteract a negative day with trying new positive momentum building activities.

I preheated the oven, put my chicken in to bake, lit a candle and Heart Chakra incense, took a deep breath and instantly started the Heart Chakra YouTube video in the link provided above 💚

23 minutes of relaxation, listening to a guided meditation, & breathing didn’t help erase my bad day, but it helped soothe me as I come up with a plan of action. I love myself, and I want to be kind to myself. Bad things are bound to happen but I want to love myself so much that I don’t let my depression or anxiety get the best of me when they do.

Best part about it, by the time I was calmed down, dinner was half done and I cooked the rest with a-whole-lotta good vibes.

(They’re the secret ingredient 🤫)

—> If if that’s not growth, I don’t know what is 💚👸🏽💁🏽‍♀️

How do you counteract a bad day? 🌱✨

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take a moment

please take a moment to breathe!!! 🌟🌟🌟

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i 🐝 🍃 in you :)

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💛

I think I’ve rewatched myself a new favourite movie.