selfpreservationinstinc

[selfpreservationinstinc]

when georges bataille wrote, “no greater desire exists than a wounded person’s need for another wound” & when gillian flynn wrote, “a child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort” & when ocean vuong wrote, “sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof that you’ve been ruined” & when lisa m. basile wrote, “did you inherit a sickness? did you blame god? do you believe in god? do you believe in yourself? are you still on fire? did you ever put out the fire?” & when stephen a. guirgis wrote, “why didn't you make me good enough so that you could’ve loved me?”

[selfpreservationinstinc]

why is it so hard for me to believe that someone actually cares about me and isn’t always going to replace me at any given moment

[selfpreservationinstinc]

i always feel like such a burden, and i feel like no matter how hard i try, people always leave

[selfpreservationinstinc]

how can i expect someone to love me when i look in the mirror and i hate who i see? i hate who that is, everything about them. their face, their body, their personality. i am filled with such a sense of hatred i fear i will never be loved by anyone else

[selfpreservationinstinc]

The mentally ill urge to destroy everything around you

[selfpreservationinstinc]

parents be like i gave you the bare minimum how dare you be mentally ill

[selfpreservationinstinc]

breaking the cycle by ending my bloodline🤩

[selfpreservationinstinc]

Abusive family: You're always on that phone, talking to other people

Me: Gee I wonder why 😐😐 it's totally not cuz you look for reasons to fight me or berate me any time we talk and then gaslight me over it acting like you "care" when you refuse to acknowledge how hurtful you are, and my friends who I talk to are the only ones who really care about me and respect me & my boundaries

[selfpreservationinstinc]

moving out from a toxic family but still remaining in contact is so weird because I would do anything to avoid communicating with them but my crushing sense of duty and paralyzing fear of them harming me makes willingly getting my soul drained by a phone call seem almost better

[selfpreservationinstinc]

Your parents should not make you feel miserable.

They should not make you feel guilty.

They should not make you feel like you owe them.

If your family makes you anxious, then that is not a healthy environment for you.

Surround yourself with people who do not want to control your life.

[selfpreservationinstinc]

fuck, fall 2022

[selfpreservationinstinc]

I can’t express how badly I want to let anger consume me but every time I do everything goes to shit

[selfpreservationinstinc]

The mentally ill urge to destroy everything around you

[selfpreservationinstinc]

on resentment over abandonment; i am still filled with anger and it fuels me; i will choose my anger over my grief everyday. it is easier to feel

[selfpreservationinstinc]

[selfpreservationinstinc]

It's not me in the mirror...

[selfpreservationinstinc]

this family makes me want to murder people