sensitiivities-blog

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Aynaz could hear Lucy’s frustration in the answer, and immediately felt bad for asking. Fiddling with the hem of her shirt she said with burning cheeks, “Ah, right, sorry I asked.” She was quite sure she couldn’t push any more, so it was best she just keep her mouth shut.

At the invitation, Aynaz could hardly control herself. “That sounds lovely!” She hadn’t been there in awhile, from both the lack of time and company, so this invitation felt like a wonderful gift. “Thank you.”

" oh--- that's lovely !! could i get your phone number then, so i can take note && get in touch with you about a day && time ?? " lucy requested, pleased that she would be able to really talk to aynaz, who she'd always felt like she could really get along with, but often, both lacked the time && drive.

as lucy took her phone out, she paused for a moment, not wanting aynaz to feel guilty for having asked an honest question--- if anything, it was lucy's fault for giving terrible explanations.

" ---it also... don't be sorry. i'm just terrible at explaining things. "

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Puck let out a giggle before glancing around to make sure her noise level wasn’t gaining attention. It didn’t seem to be. “Oh, I know. People who study too much are just a tragedy. I always have to feel for them. Maybe I should become a motivational speaking against studying.”

" a motivational speaker against studying !! that's a new one, thought i'm sure you'd rapidly gain many supporters from the university, with finals going on && all. "

only puck could pull it out of her, because despite lucy lightheatedness, she often was engaged with studying, to keep up with the rigorous university curriculum. it didn't sound like a bad idea, though, with all the stress currently filling everyone. && puck would be an excellent motivational speaker.

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“Mr. Crepsley,” Larten introduced himself. It was habit now to introduce himself in such a way, especially to young people. Only other vampires and humans that he was close to tended to address him informally with only his first name.

“People are fascinating,” he agreed. Kind, though, he could not entirely agree on. Some were kind, yes, but others could be rather nasty. After two hundred years, one tended to take note of the nasty ones more than the kind ones.

“A few,” he said. “And some unkind ones, as well,” he added, with a grimace.

---

lucy felt a rush of sympathy, for the girl had only known kindness in her life--- kind friends, kind teachers, kind parents. certainly, some people who she'd encountered were less so, but she found a need to treat those with even more care. perhaps they were lacking a friendship or another love of some sort which turned entire lives bitter. 

" oh, i'm so sorry to hear that, " she said seriously, looking at mr. crepsley. " i wish there was a way to make all people kind--- or at least, willing to listen to others. you seem kind, so i don't see why someone would show you the opposite. it's... unnecessary, really. "

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“That sounds nice.” Cassia said remembering the journals she use to keep when she was a child. She would spend hours upon hours writing everything down. Not just memories either. Anything really, notes, lyrics, doodles. Since she had perfect memory she didn’t really need to keep journals but she enjoyed doing so anyway. Cassia suddenly felt guilty for making the tension build up more. She didn’t mean for Lucy to feel uncomfortable, that was the absolute last thing she wanted to do but she couldn’t help it. An rather cold exterior was still draped upon her. Inhaling a small breath, Cassia then walked over and shut the door before waling back to her desk and leaning on it smoothly. Crossing her arms across her chest, Cassia thought about the words she had just heard from Lucy and reflected on them for a split second before opening her mouth to speak. “What exactly do you mean Lucy?” Cassia had only been here about 2 months, if that. Of course she saw what went on around her, but since she was still a bit new she didn’t know whether it was her place to talk to the other doctors.

she bowed her head in deep thoughts, enraptured by negative fillings ( many more than she'd like ). perhaps she shouldn't have opened her mouth in her first place; fools who did so ended up rambling, without knowing all the details. she trusted cassia, which wasn't the problem; it was more of trusting herself to give an explanation that made sense, as opposed to her usual nonsensical blurbs.

" it's--- don't get me wrong, i love dr. seward very much. he's one of my... best friends, yes && it's been that way for a long time, " lucy explained ( though slowly, to catch herself in time if something didn't sound quite right ). " i just think he's a bit... obsessed about work. && a devotion to your work is admirable, but it seems to me as if he's a bit too obsessed && he's pushing everyone else to his level. "

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“You say that as though you’re separate from others,” she observed though not in an accusatory tone nor questioning either, simply a neutral statement. “What’s so fascinating to you about them?” While she couldn’t agree that she found people enthralling, Alexis did find them strange in their own ways. Exhausting too, but that was more beside the point. “No offense taken although I can neither agree nor disagree with your comparison since I don’t know them so I’ll leave you to be the judge on that matter.” Alexis had been called a multitude of things, and she was so accustomed to it now that no matter what someone could think up to label her as wasn’t something that would easily be able to get under her skin no matter how negative the description was. She was used to receiving both the neutral and negative alike.

Alexis shook her head. “I don’t believe I know her.” Mina sounded like someone she could potentially get along with if only she were someone who did actively seek out conversations with others. As of that moment, Alexis didn’t have any strong opinions about the majority of the people she’d met thus far in the town though knew that was largely in part because she chose to stick to the sidelines, the shadows, where she would blend into the background and people would barely know she’d been there at all.

lucy would simply have to seek mina out && tell her of alexis, which she noted to do later. despite the refusal of alexis to serve as a judge, lucy hoped that she was being as unbiased as possible when she made her observations. it was probable that many of her opinions were, indeed, highly biased due to her natural love of people--- which clearly, not all people related with.

" i hope i will be able to point her out to you later, then !! mina is much more intelligent than me && she'll know the right things to say, " she rushed to explain, not wanting alexis to be hurt by any of lucy's words ( though it seemed that alexis was above paying attention to hurtful words, or at least taking them seriously... but lucy did not want to upset alexis, if that was not the case ).

" she's been my best friend for as long as i can remember. we've both always been fascinated by people... more so on my end, though. i can't quite pinpoint what about people makes them so--- lovely !! but it must be something. maybe it's to see them all interacting with each other. most are kind, right ?? && the world needs more kindness !! "

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the guilt would still not leave her--- && the girl seemed upset about something, which lucy wanted to relieve. true, the goggles would have been a good bet ( she wouldn’t have ran into the girl in that case ).

“ yes--- perhaps i should have. i really am sorry. the snow usually doesn’t pose MUCH of a problem, but it’s unusually windy today. still, that’s no excuse. ” she shook her head grimly, blinking a couple of times, her eyes now mostly clear.

“ can i make it up to you, somehow ?? && i’m sorry--- i don’t even know your name !! i’’m lucy && i don’t believe i’ve seen you before !! ”

The lady was scrambling to amend what she had done, and it felt familiar to Mary.  Not in a comforting way, of course, but familiar nonetheless.

Swiping a few strands of yellow-blonde hair out of her face, Mary shrugged the shoulder that had been bumped.  “It doesn’t hurt.”  It wasn’t a complete lie.  There was a dull, nonspecific pain on the surface of her skin, but she doubted it would even bruise.  And Mary bruised very easily.  “You should get some goggles or something if you have a problem with getting snow in your eyes.”  It was neither a friendly suggestion nor a mocking comment - just a deadpan statement.

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“ lucy !! lucy westenra, ” she introduced herself, with a playful curtsy ( luckily, she had enough ice balance to do of the sort ). “ && it’s a pleasure to talk to you, really. have you ever noticed how fascinating people are ?? && how very KIND ?? ”

her arms wrapped around herself, but she looked at the rest of the lake, seeing people of all sorts laughing ( for the most part ), enjoying themselves. how nice it was !! lucy turned back to larten, still with the dreamy smile.

“ have you--- encountered your share of kind people ?? ”

The optimism coming from the girl was startling. Despite her complaints about the cold, she seemed to always have something kind to say in retaliation. It was not very often that Larten came across optimistic people, but perhaps he had just lived too long to see all of the good in the world. It was easy to let those things slip past you when you have lived for over two hundred years.

“I do not believe I caught your name,” he said. Perhaps if he talked to her about something else, she would be distracted from the cold for a while.

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true, yes. she could always count on puck to come up with astonishingly feasible arguments against logic. she relented, a grin spreading over her face && she held her hands up in surrender.

“ true-- for those who take studying to the EXTREME--- like dear dr. seward && mina. they spend every free moment doing it && the poor things are so sleep-deprived. really, you ought to give them a sermon one day, dear puck. ”

Puck glanced around with a giggle at Lucy’s comment as she slid her bag around to dangle on her arm for a moment. She dropped it down as soon as they were at their table. When Lucy leaned forward, she did the same. “Stress attacks… overexertion… They’re very important issues for students and almost always caused by studying and the worry that comes with it.”

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lucy nodded, though subtly; she did not want the utmost assurance. there was little reason for her to cause a spread of gossip && unconfirmed rumors, which she so loathed. there was not much for her to say: it was only a feeling after all && only a feeling would it stay.

“ i don’t know, ” finally came her reply, somewhat frustrated. “ which is why i--- well i’m hardly qualified in the matter. i haven’t even got an answer. something just--- it felt off, i suppose. ”

but she relaxed, now offering a smile. friendship always brought a smile to her face.

“ yes--- i would love that. i got a gift card to green eggs for the holidays. would you like to go with me, one of these days ?? ”

“Has it, now?” Aynaz hadn’t been to the institution in a long time. The last she went was simply to meet an old friend, but that was almost a decade ago that she really did not have much recollection of the place. Aynaz didn’t like to probe, not exactly anyway, but on occasions she liked to listen to people. So naturally, she asked, “What do you think they need, then?”

“I’ve been good as always, thank you for asking,” Aynaz said, a small smile gracing her lips, “We really should– you should visit me some day!”

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considerably relaxed now, lucy just chuckled; it’d been a long day for sure. she didn’t want to dump her thoughts onto dear aynaz, though she could give her enough to work up a conversation with.

“ i’ve been doing very well, thank you so much. the institution--- it’s been going through a lot of changes. dr. seward is really quite skilled at his passion, though i wonder if that’s necessarily what the institution needs. no matter. ”

she shrugged, deciding to let it go for the rest of the evening && just relax with someone who was kind, from what she’d seen.

“ how’ve you been, dear ?? we should really speak more often !! ”

Aynaz recognised the voice instantly– Lucy. While they weren’t close, Aynaz had grown rather fond of the younger girl in the time they’d spent talking. She was a sweet girl with a lovely demeanour that one could not find fault with. “It’s quite alright,” Aynaz said, approaching Lucy. Smiling, she added, “How have you been?”

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“ i do enjoy writing, yes. i keep a journal, which me and mina have both decided to do, for when we’re older, to look back && reflect. ”

she stepped back, once again sensing that she was invading cassia. really, she ought to be more careful about her interactions, because all too often, she found herself impacting those who’d caused her no harm. lucy attempted to relax, looking down, because prolonged eye contact could be intimidating.

“ i... thank you so much. it’s something that’s--- well, you’d understand, working here && all. not many others would. i just feel as though... well, often, i’ve wanted to help people who are in need of mental healthcare. i’m sure you agree, with your admirable profession. but what i’m getting to is.. i don’t quite know how to say it, really. i feel as though this institution is causing more harm than helping others. ”

Tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear, Cassia got set to work, opening a couple boxes and inspecting the contents before she decided what went where. “That sounds nice. Do you write often?” Cassia asked, inferring since Lucy got a journal she must like she write, or doodle. Whichever the case. Silently working, Cassia then felt the girl’s presence getting closer and stopped for a second. Staring at her form, Cassia then took a deep breath. She didn’t hate when people got close, she just found it hard to think. With anyone really. Except patients. But when it was a normal casual setting like this. Arching an eyebrow, Cassia then set down the vase she was holding and turned toward Lucy. “Of course, you can talk to me about anything.” She said openly, with a comforting smile.

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she nearly fell from the impact ( which was ridiculous of her, considering she’d been the one to bump into the other ). still, her jaw slackened slightly as the other girl hurled the stinging words at her, which hurt more than the chill of the wind. lucy was at a loss; she didn’t know what to say or how to even apologize after that.

“ i--- i’m so sorry, ” she stammered, eyes wide. “ did i hurt you too badly ?? i promise you i didn’t mean to. you’re right, it was my fault. the snow got into my eyes && i couldn’t see, but--- i should have stepped aside. do you need anything ?? i’m--- really sorry. ”

Mary was taking what was becoming her typical afternoon walk - or rather her typical afternoon trudge.  Her thick snow boots barely lifted up off the sidewalk as she made her way down the street from Misselthwaite.  She could barely do anything in the house without old Mrs. Medlock getting onto her for some reason or another, so she preferred not to stay in all day if she could help it.  Mary couldn’t stand the sound of that woman’s voice - like nails on a chalkboard.

Stark, pale blue eyes pointed directly at the ground in front of her, she couldn’t even see the other person coming toward her, directly in her path.  They bumped shoulders and Mary, being such a frail little thing, almost went tumbling into an yet unmelted snowdrift.  Taking a beat to catch her breath, she furrowed her brow at the other person and her voice pitched.

“Hey asshole!  Why don’t you watch where you’re going?!”

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she’d been just walking--- pondering, really. work had ended && lucy had found that she was growing increasingly dissatisfied with the nature of wakefield mental institution. she’d failed to notice someone else also wandering around the lake. startled, she spun around, tensed up--- but relaxed when she noticed aynaz, who she knew in passing.

“ i’m so sorry-- i didn’t mean to frighten you !! i didn’t think anyone else would be here with this weather, but... it’s nice to see you, dear, ” she offered genuinely, with a smile, stepping out from behind the tree.

She loved it here; everything from the smell to the sights and sounds of Lake Avalon just brought her peace. The best part about coming here was watching the tranquil water while listening to the quiet music of the birds and crickets. There was just something about being surrounded by nature that filled her being. Taking a deep breath, Aynaz closed her eyes to enjoy the solitude when– Snap. She whirled around, heart thumping and eyes scanning her surroundings before falling on a figure hidden underneath the tree. Moving closer, she called out, “Who are you?”

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lucy faltered, evidently seeing that she’d upset cassia; she hadn’t meant to, really && now she wanted to make it up. before rambling about her holidays, she should have anticipated what the other’s answer would be. she quieted, picking up stray lights, thinking of how to fix it.

“ i-- yes, i got some lovely bows for my hair && a new journal. a gift card, too, to green eggs. it was nice. ”

she finished picking up the last of the lights. as a mere secretary, she could afford a few days off. not to mention her personal relationship with dr. seward, which she supposed put her at an unfair advantage. the poor doctors, however, had to spend every single day working ridiculous hours. because of that, she && her friends had missed dr. seward ( or jack, as she still called him ) at their usual gathering.

she slowly approached cassia, a bit hesitant.

“ i know you all worked throughout the holidays--- it was actually something i wanted to talk about. ”

“It wasn’t really my idea,” Cassia suddenly commented, “the lights I mean. But one of my co-workers thought it would be festive and draw attention away from the unpacked boxes.” She said with a light chuckle. “Well that sounds amazing. I’m glad you got time off. I know this place can get a bit hectic. Especially around the holidays.” Even though it wasn’t a department store or anything like that, people still got a bit rambunctious around the holidays. “Good.” The doctor curtly commented. She didn’t mean to sound rude, she just didn’t have such an eventful one like Lucy did. She felt any explanation of the sad details of the day would fall short. Offering a small smile, Cassia then picked up some pictures and sat them down on her desk. She wasn’t big on holidays, usually preferring to be alone. This year was no exception. She did talk to one of her sisters, but other than that she worked and then went home to watch a couple silly Christmas cartoons. “Did you get anything nice?” She finally asked, trying to break the silence and steer the conversation back to the other woman. 

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she looked down, acknowledging that he was right. perhaps the dress && tights were not enough for the winter chill of the east coast, but it was a celebration && she didn’t mind freezing for a while if it meant everything else went smoothly. she nodded, eyes wide && conceding.

“ yes... you’re right about that !! but we only live once--- besides, i can always take a warm bath tonight to help frighten this chill away. it’s been unusually cold... but that’s what i say every year, ”

she shrugged, smiling at her own ridiculousness. far too often, she complained about things in her control. it was something she would work on && she could thank larten for that.

Young people were so easy to please; a simple joke and she was already warming up to him, even if she was not warmed by the weather. He wished he could have helped, but although his vampirism allowed him to stay warm, it was not something he could pass on to other people. The best he could do was use the gas in his breath to knock someone out for a few hours, so they wouldn’t feel the winter chill, but that was not something he ever planned on doing, or revealing that he could do.

“I am afraid there is no trick,” Larten told her. “I am just simply more numb to the cold than most other people. Perhaps you should have dressed warmer.” He was overly critical, he knew, but he could not help himself sometimes from making his criticisms public. 

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she giggled, knowing full well that even the dreariest of places suddenly developed a FUN factor when puck was around. it was remarkable && still, it was one of the things lucy loved about her roommate. she made sure to quiet down when they entered the library, not wanting to cause a massive disruption.

( perhaps, she would leave that to puck. )

“ yes, ” she whispered. “ you make sure of that. && it’s lovely, i promise you, but occasional studying has yet to hurt anyone, though feel free to correct me on that one, dear. ”

she spotted a vacant table and proceeded to slide down, leaning forward conspiratorially as soon as both were sitting.

“ i’m sure it has hurt someone, by now. ”

Puck rolled her eyes at how please Lucy seemed, but she chose not to take it as a challenge. She probably did need to study, so it wouldn’t hurt to let her roommate win the battle for once. There would be plenty of time to cause a little mischief related to it later. She knew where to draw a line though, and if Lucy wanted to study she could respect it.

“That’s because every place should have the capacity for fun. I’m just making sure it fits.” She grinned as they walked along. When they reached the library, Puck did not give the place much thought. She knew it wasn’t the fanciest that could be found at a university, but it suited their needs and provided a decent study space.

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lucy giggled at the falling comment--- despite being a casual skater for some time, there’d been plenty of instances when lucy had fallen ungracefully. she nimbly moved about the office, stepping around the few fallen christmas decorations && picked them up with care, since they had a tendency towards delicacy.

“ it was lovely !! on the morning of christmas eve, i gave puck some chocolates i owed her. she’s such a sweet roommate, if a bit wild !! then i spent christmas eve with my friends--- mina, arthur, quincey && later, nancy. christmas day, i was able to spend with my family. overall, it was a joy. ”

she turned towards cassia, offering her a gentler smile now. she knew the other woman was quiet && she didn’t want to push her into talking, but she seemed like lovely company, from what lucy had experienced from the institution.

“ and yours ?? i hope it was just as nice. you deserve it !! ”

“Oh, well I’m glad I didn’t miss anything too big. But it sounds wonderful. I’ll admit it’s been a while since I’ve ice skated so I don’t think I would’ve been a big help there. I probably would’ve been the first one to fall on my ass.” Cassia said with a light smile. She looked at the petite blonde and then picked up some books. She was still rearranging her office so clutter was everywhere. It was to be expected, but Cassia didn’t like having too many things laying around. Walking over and closing the window, the older woman then looked back at Lucy and nodded. “That would be lovely, thank you.” She said. “So how was your Christmas?”