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“I have a pain inside me, and I don’t feel very well.”

— W. H. Auden, from The Selected Poems; “Miss Gee,” written c. August 1953

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❝ you're surviving, ❞ bucky replies, there's an edge to his voice.

he can't keep his eyes off zemo. bucky has to deliberately prevent himself from staring. he's looking at zemo with naked affection — love, call it what it is.

❝ we adapt to survive, ❞ bucky continues, his voice sounds unlike him. alien. ❝ i'm not — ❞ he squeezes zemo tighter. ❞ — i know my pardon only gives me the illusion of freedom, of choice. val is no different than any other handler... ❞ a sigh. ❝ but i have my mind, my moral compass mostly aligns with theirs, and i have you. ❞

helmut is losing track of time. he's not sure how long he's been standing on the cliff's edge but the sun was certainly higher in the sky when he came to the precipice. he grips his helmet with both hands --- the vacant faceplate stares back at him, a sea of white.

it draws an ache in his chest. did he only become citizen v to stay out of prison ? or worse, to stay close to james ?

when james touches him, his breath hitches and he closes his eyes when he feels his lips press to his temple. helmut wants to grip him with both hands but he doesn't drop his mask.

❝ i want this to work, ❞ he insists, ❝ but i feel as though i'm betraying every fiber of my being to do it. ❞

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so i'm here to do replies tonight, but my schedule is packed until december 15th. if any moots want to add me on wire or discord, just ping !! we can do threads there.

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IT ONLY COMES OUT AT NIGHT

bucky barnes werewolf themes include : loss of time, temporary sadism, remorse, conditioning, transformation.

graphic by @empirefall

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@thirt13n asked ❛ what am i to you? ❜

FLASH OF HOT EMBARRASSMENT. bucky sighs, rubs his fingers over his eyes. he takes the pause because he may not respond.

neatly hiding his eyes with his fingers, the part of him that makes the distress most visual, he responds, ❝ friends. ❞

he doesn't want to tell her ; his mouth is tight, small, as if he's holding something back. sharon deserves better, she deserved steve. bucky aches with desire for them both, and it's very nearly overwhelming.

it only hurts him so much because he loves her.

bucky motions to the door of his apartment. ❝ it's late — can we pick back up tomorrow ? ❞

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Destroy my desires, wipe out my ideals, show me something better,

—Fyodor Dostoevsky, “Notes from Underground”, tr. by R. Pevear and L.Volokhonsky

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@empirefall & i are hosting a halloween party tonight. so apologies for the inactivity !! we take hosting very seriously. i’ll be back tomorrow 😤

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𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐃𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐘, 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐓𝐎 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐑 . (   a  collection  of  sentence  starters  from baccano! volumes 6 & 7 — the slash . )

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈 .

❛  i may be a child, but... i'm not here to play around, you know.  ❜

❛  do you really think an excuse like that will work? ❜

❛ if i told you to kill someone, could you kill them?   ❜

❛  unfortunately, i am not kind.  ❜

❛  you're like a fantastically, magnificently crazed angel.  ❜

❛  that blade is your compañero — your partner.  ❜

❛  as a favor to this wacky young guy who believed in my skills and asked me to, i came here to kill you!  ❜

❛  i want to wait here a little longer, just a little longer.  ❜

❛  calm down, please... are you all right? what on earth happened here?  ❜

❛  i don't think i deserve that vengeful glare you're giving me.  ❜

❛  here i went to all that trouble to save you, and you don't grateful at all.  ❜

❛  that glare you're giving me is far, far more real than the earlier one. that's not just hate. that's real anger, mixed with the fear of losing something.  ❜

❛  you lack concentration. you're neglecting your training; that's why these things happen.  ❜

❛  i wonder.... if this is a sort of karma laid down for us immortals. ❜

❛  show a little gratitude, would you?  ❜

❛  in other words, you're a failure.  ❜

❛  you exist just to get exploited.  ❜

❛  you wanted to know whether, just maybe, you would find joy in stealing and destroying what others had built up.  ❜

❛  and? how was it? how did it feel to steal what they worked so hard to create?  ❜

❛  is it even possible to get over the past or give up emotions by yourself?  ❜

❛  people have the power to get rid of sorrow and pain by themselves.  ❜

❛  no wonder he managed to steal my heart with such panache before i even noticed!  ❜

❛  long story short... they're our sacrificial pawns.  ❜

❛  do you believe in ties that can never be cut, no matter how badly people are wounded or how much pain they're in?  ❜

❛  i want to believe there are things that will never, ever break, no matter how much pain someone takes, or how badly they're wounded.  ❜

❛  someday, i'm sure somebody will hurt and break me too, you know? i'm prepared for that.  ❜

❛  the folks behind me are my friends, and you can just ignore them.  ❜

❛  i'll get right to the point — do you people want to become immortal?  ❜

❛  i think this is probably going to hurt a lot, so i'll apologize now! i'm sorry!  ❜

❛  why did ____ start saying complicated stuff all of a sudden?  ❜

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈 .

❛ you never put your life on the line, so there's no way you could know how i feel! ❜

❛  i wanted to find a new friend in this new town.  ❜

❛  those guys were planning to get rid of you fellas from the very beginning.  ❜

❛  if i wasn't telling you this stuff, you'd have been on your way to the afterlife before you even knew what hit you.  ❜

❛  she don't look like it, but she's a monster who's killed lots of people.  ❜

❛  she's got nothing to do with this.  ❜

❛  whatever happens to you, it's no skin of my nose.  ❜

❛  we're a band of psychotic weirdos.  ❜

❛  it's okay. don't you worry about a thing. i'm here.  ❜

❛  i won't let 'em lay a finger on your friends.  ❜

❛  i hate troublesome stuff. let's just be direct here.  ❜

❛  no matter what you're planning, now that i'm here, there won't be any problems. ❜

❛  no matter what a snot-nosed kid like you tries to hide from me, i seriously doubt it could damage my life.  ❜

❛  so if you want to use me, you just go right ahead. because i'm gonna use you right back.  ❜

❛  long story short — i can do anything.  ❜

❛  i don't really have to explain this situation, do i?  ❜

❛  see, right now, i seriously have no idea what to do.  ❜

❛  that twisted bastard loves watching people suffer.  ❜

❛  the death of a good friend. in life, that sorrow is a wall everyone must overcome someday. you can't stay sad forever.  ❜

❛  the state of your brain makes me sadder than anything.  ❜

❛  what am i to you?  ❜

❛  no matter how many friends i make after this, i seriously doubt i could make a better friend than you.  ❜

❛  if i disobeyed ____, would you kill me?  ❜

❛  in a way, ____ deserves respect for having raised you to be this twisted.  ❜

❛  you're curious about that group, aren't you?  ❜

❛  you're a 'friend' i can't manage to shake.  ❜

❛  it's a little late to worry about the impression we're making on people, you know?  ❜

❛  you're trying to finish this job up with a bang and boost your confidence.  ❜

❛  although i don't get 'feelings', i do kinda understand 'emotions'.  ❜

❛  didn't you ever think i might be tricking you?  ❜

❛  right now, we'll cling to any power that will keep us alive.  ❜

❛  as long as you're alive, you can make a comback.  ❜

❛  i mean, compared with me, 99.99999 percent of the world is weak.  ❜

❛  someday i'm going to cut you down, too.  ❜

❛  i was just surprised. that's incredible. you can be proud of that. i'm almost never surprised.   ❜

❛  if it were fine, they wouldn't have gotten kidnapped in the first place, right?  ❜

❛  how do you want me to answer that?  ❜

❛  i keep myself from knowing the future.  ❜

❛  i told you i l'd learned all sorts of things about you, remember? i know everything about you.  ❜

❛  tell me of the world you wish for, of all the malice you hold toward this world.  ❜

❛  welcome to dreamland — but it's nightmares only.  ❜

❛  i'll be your hostage.  ❜

❛  i apologize for temping you.  ❜

❛  even empty bravado is impressive when you take it that far.  ❜

❛  i was the one who should have died, so... i'm paying for that.  ❜

❛  looks like you underestimated us.  ❜

❛  nature can be so whimsical. that's why i love it.  ❜

❛ i bet you didn't think i was watching the scenery reflected in your eyes, did you? ❜

❛  god might actually love you.  ❜

❛  there's no god anywhere in the world. the only one's inside me.  ❜

❛  i get to retire from being a loser a lot faster than you losers.  ❜

❛  i couldn't... think of any way to protect ____ other than killing. that's all it was.  ❜

❛  you're a bigger scumbag than i thought you were.  ❜

❛ i think the world's pretty small — but that does mean it's pretty deep, doesn't it? ❜

❛  i'm sorry. please take your anger out on me.   ❜

❛  when i look at you, i think i can sense family ties, just a little... i'm going to use them, though... i'm sorry.  ❜

❛  right now, i think i almost understand what you're feeling.  ❜

❛  i've had folks say they'd curse me more than a hundred times.  ❜

❛  it's up to you whether we're friends or lovers!  ❜

❛  i didn't come here to listen to you whine.  ❜

❛  you remembered my name. although i don't remember ever telling you what it was...  ❜

❛  do you intend to bury my life in tedium?  ❜

❛  if i were to sum up your existence in one word, it would be — cheater.  ❜

❛  those words are true, but not the whole truth. isn't that right?  ❜

❛  if we're discussing jails, i've been in one for several centuries already.  ❜

❛  i wouldn't make too light of humans if i were you.  ❜

❛  that information doesn't make me the least bit happy.  ❜

❛  i'm someone neither god nor the government will forgive.  ❜

❛  being nameless is good enough.  ❜

❛  ...well, no matter.  ❜

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Burning Blue (2013) dir. D.M.W. Greer

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Daniel Bruhl & Sebastian Stan in The falcon and the Winter soldier (2021)

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@executiioner said: ❛ i need to get you out of my system. ❜

❝ i think something is hungry, ❞ bucky says. he can feel it through his skin, the vibration of her magic against him.

bucky pulls back a little, his hand is still on anita's back. hesitating. he makes a decision in a flash and kisses her. let's his tongue run along the edge of her upper lip. unrestrained. lightly sucking her bottom lip and gripping her back, a vibranium hand slides up to her neck. when he pulls away, bucky stares at her.

❝ should i be flattered ? ❞

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@zapasnoysoldat ❛ i don’t care anymore. all i care about is you. ❜

bucky has no answer to that. he can't reciprocate it. his time as the winter soldier is MUDDIED with so much else. he remembers luka, but he feels far away.

on impulse, bucky catches his arm and holds onto it, presses it into his stomach. bucky feels him breathing ; luka doesn't seem like he'd do something so pointlessly aggressive. so, why did bucky act ? muscle memory.

❝ the cia keeps me on a very short leash. it's not safe for you here. ❞

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@empirefall said: ❛ i’ve tried hating you but every time i expect to find a flaw i just end up loving you even more. ❜

bathed in red, zemo watches the sunset. red is a warning : STOP, DANGER, PAIN. ( this reminder sounds like sam. ) also, red is an invitation for sexual readiness. bucky finds himself paralyzed between the two.

this feels like goodbye.

pressing his face into zemo's hair, bucky feels his breath against his neck. bucky kisses zemo on the temple ; it's safe, non-sexual, not crossing a line.

❝ we can make this work, ❞ bucky says, looking out to the colorado skyline. ❝ you can stay. ❞

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I HAVE NO INTENTION TO LEAVE MY WORK UNFINISHED.

independent mcu - only baron zemo roleplay blog

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Helen Oyeyemi, from “White Is for Witching”