seratoxic

[seratoxic]

zeus

growing up i was convinced that my dad was zeus. my dad was an angry man, known by all as a person to avoid causing a storm wherever he went leaving nothing but destruction in his path. the constant thought running through my head that is would have been better if he was absent. you may be thinking that it’s ridiculous for me to have believed my dad was a god in the worst way possible, but i also grew up infatuated with percy jackson and greek mythology in general. plus it didn’t help that my dads pseudonym was zeus and he was absent enough that he could plausibly be living a second life. on top of all of hat, he used to work for an airline. fitting for the supposed god of the sky to work fora an airline. i dreamed of the day when i would be whisked away to join my half brothers and sisters along with the other demigod children that had been born into this messed up system. on the positive side, these gods never seemed to care enough to visit their children, which was perfectly alright by be. a safe haven for kids like me that had own up with so much buried inside of them and no idea what to do with it. as the years went by and my hopes went out the window, i gave up on the myths of gods, demigods, and fathers who go away for good. as i grew into an adult, my dad stopped being a part of my life, due to my choosing not some mythological coincidence. he became such a small part of my life that i almost forgot he existed. something that i only had proof of existing in belief alone, similar to zeus himself. he never crossed my mind for loner than a few moments at a time until about a year after we had last seen each other. i was on a flight to new york on the airline that my dad used to work for. as teh child of zeus, i had flown constantly growing up and was no stranger to being a passenger of the sky. however, this was the first long flight i had take alone and was on a rather empty business flight. i had felt weird about this trip to begin with but i boarded the plane anyways, just as i had done alone time and time again. shortly into the flight, we started experiencing heavy turbulence. red lights were flashing, flight attendants were told to sit down, and i could see people up and down the aisle bracing themselves for impact. until this moment i had never closer to death, and that’s saying something considering i’ve been in more than one life or death situation. however unrealistic it may seem, i was convinced that my dad was condemning me to suffer a terrible death in his realm. out of contact with the world below me. i started to pray to whatever deity would hear me, whether it be my dad, a god of the sky, or whatever almighty being could put me on the ground. whether it was the cause of some storm, snow or angry sky being, it was enough to turn me against flying, at least for the time being. which makes it even more ironic if my dad is zeus. a child of the sky afraid of flying: sad. i’m currently on my fourth flight this year since then and i’ve survived so far, despite gritting my teeth and crossing my fingers and toes every second of the way. while it might be a little cocky to say that i’m confident i’ll survive this fight while i’m still in the air, there’s a baby sitting nxt to me and it’d be kind of a dick move for my dad to crash a plane with a baby on it, although the possibility of my dad being a dick has never stopped him before. although if he does, i thnk hades would allow me to teach him a lesson before i rest. 

[seratoxic]

miracle drug

it’s weird to look back at pictures of myself when i was younger and think i was really skinny and pretty when at the time i thought i was super fat and ugly. having body dysmorphia makes it really hard to ever be satisfied with how i look and that makes my struggle to lose weight even more difficult. i am 20 pounds from my first weight goal, 40 from the next, and 70 from my final. having pcos, a disorder that makes weight loss incredibly difficult, makes this feel almost impossible and like i’m going to be trapped feeling unhappy with my body for the rest of my life. i recently started metformin and i can’t help but view it as a miracle drug that i pray will help me lose weight by helping with my insulin resistance and make my nutrition and exercise actually do something. i’ve already lost 4 pounds on it and even though that may not seem like much, i almost start to cry thinking about it because i’ve struggled to do anything but gain weight for the last 4 years of my life. this drug makes me hopeful that one day i may actually feel in control of my boy and stop viewing it as someone else’s that i’m just forced to be living in.