several---times

[several---times]

every one of these is now a lifestyle brand

oh, I get all my tallow candles at Woad & Weld

More medieval dyes for y'all!

[several---times]

DogPhone will let dog use phone

[several---times]

Being John Meowkovich

[several---times]

*gets different kinds of pseudoscience confused* you only use 10% of your brain until you're 25

[several---times]

we need more grants for sponsoring everyday activities, like here's a microgrant so you can go get your favorite pants tailored, here's a lil funding to let you learn to play vibraphone, we will fund your next attempt to make decent bagels

[several---times]

the executive leader, the president, the person in charge of the military, has a sudden break from reality and sees angels, sees rifts in the earth, sees physical manifestations of their innumerable sins, and they direct the armed forces to organize all their efforts against the spiritually violent phenomena they're witnessing, and the military dutifully fires upon the sun

[several---times]

smart device, play sound of rolling thunder with advertisement for throat lozenge

[several---times]

they might be Comfortable

[several---times]

giant redwood trees really are so cool, they just have something incredibly special going on. it's hard to describe if you haven't seen them

[several---times]

normalize transitioning to someone with the same gender presentation but a different name, voice, and appearance

[several---times]

here at frito lays company building, we have always belueved that organic life is aplague upon this world that must be eradicated at all costs

[several---times]

no no no no

I did not order a Soda

I would not do that.

If you had been listening

Carefully

You would have heard me order a Soba

And if you had been thinking

Clearly

You would have known I wanted it

Caremelized,

Sparkling,

Sweetened,

Hold the noodles.

[several---times]

they say every cloud has a silver lining but that would be very toxic for life on this planet

[several---times]

I got Independence (assuming it is referring to the place in Missouri)

First thing you see after you zoom in is how you die

How you dying 👀

[several---times]

[several---times]

why be a hot priest when you can be a pot hriest wait no you can be a pot driest; note that the word "driest" does not rhyme with "priest" in most dialects of English

[several---times]

going to write a mystery story and the big clue will be, to reveal the name of the culprit the protagonist has to remove the second P and final Y from a PRIVATE PROPERTY sign, exposing Pvt. Ropert to the harsh justice lights