shallowsurvived

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TEMPORARILY MOVED TO @ofthclight ,  i suck at keeping multiple blogs. 

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Blake Lively in The Age of Adaline

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saltnburn​:

he… hadn’t thought of that. like at all. he thought if he was lucky enough to get her to agree to them living together, it would be easiest to do if only one of them had things to go through and pack up and a lease to end and bills to transfer. ❝ i’m ashamed to admit this but that option didn’t even cross my mind. ❞  but it really does seem like the best option, now that she’s said it, and this is why nancy is the brains of this operation. sam is smart, a 174 on the LSATs and a chance at law school, but apparently she stood in line twice when God was handing out common sense. his hand finds her hip and pulls her in closer when she kisses him, because the universe knows sam can’t have her too far away when the opportunity presents itself to be as close to her as possible.  ❝ maybe another apartment? or… ❞ he pauses and the idea is sudden and not thought through, but it sounds kind of… perfect.  ❝ maybe a little house, with a yard? for lola. ❞

she grins, hand smoothing over the side of his face before it combs back into his hair. when he mentions a house, her heart skips a beat. because, well, there is a house. even doing the quick math in her head, it could fit within their budget. it’s just...not something she’s sure he’ll like. it’s also something that’s been hers for the longest time. a place she barely wants to share with anyone. the kind of place she wants to spend forever in. with a person she’ll spend forever with. it’s heavy, even for her. and not the kind of thing she’ll voice aloud just yet. but she barely needs to consider it before she knows she wants that kind of future with him.  ❝ i actually might have a place in mind, ❞  her words are slow, careful, gaze studying his face for a moment before she uncurls herself from the couch and offers him her hand.  ❝ can i interest you in a small outing? ❞  it’s not far. a half hour maybe, at the most. away from the noise of the city. almost like an entirely other world.  ❝ it won’t take long. ❞

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❝ What do you mean some g--- ❞  Tiana was already around the corner, and far out of earshot by the time Nancy could even finish the question. Sighing, the blonde rolled her eyes, set her pen back, and shut the chart she’d been reviewing before making her way back towards the nurses station. It was easy to spot him. He tended to draw the eye --- which was evident be the way a few of the younger nurses kept staring at him. But even she couldn’t blame them. 

Eyebrows raising, Nancy couldn’t help but grin at the sight of him.  ❝ Uh oh, ❞  She teased, handing the chart off to the head nurse and leaning sideways against the counter, eyes narrowed playfully.  ❝ Bribery or apology? ❞  Neither, with him. She knew that by now.  ❝ Or did somebody get their ass kicked and you’re just visiting? ❞

@shallowsurvived || because Jeremiah demanded his wife

“Hey Nancy there’s some guy at the desk asking for you?” the words were spoken in a rush as the nurse rushed on by, turning to give Nancy a quick shrug as if to express her confusion before turning to hurry off again … though only to hide the knowing smile. Jeremiah had a way with people, to convince them to do what it was he wanted them to do … including asking somebody to go get Nancy, without telling her just who it was … 

Standing at the desk, Jeremiah wore a black suit with the front open, white shirt having a few of the top buttons undone to show flashes of skin, and in his hand? He held a bouquet of her favorite flowers. 

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#for science

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just a smol reminder, this is lola, the love of nancy’s life. she’s a three year old rescued king charles spaniel. nancy got her when she was barely a year old from a local shelter that chloe  ( nan’s sister )  volunteered at. they’re not exactly sure what her history is, but when she came in lola had a few wounds that hinted at probable abuse and since then she’s been mostly hesitant around new people, especially men. she’s a total lap / couch / bed dog, but she also loves the beach. she’s a dainty little lady, not very vocal, spends most of her time napping, watching people, or chewing nicely on her toys. her favorite people are the ones that will take the time to get to know her, will feed her little scraps from the table, and who give gentle belly rubs and ear scratches. despite her manners, she’s really protective of nancy and usually won’t be a fan of anyone that might be a threat to her. though the most damage she can do is a few ankle-nips, she can manage one hell of a bark if she needs to. —- anyway, on this blog we stan one ( 1 ) dainty lady.

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polymusepotion​:

sebastian looks down the road one direction, then the other. he’s not just looking for obvious presence, but any signs that they might have company. they might have witnesses. then he turns his full attention to her leg and, slowly, giving her time to smack his hand away if she didn’t want him to touch, he reached out to brush his fingers along the line of the scar. he had no intention of using it as an excuse to caress her leg in any kind of seductive way. they might be sharing now in ways they hadn’t before, but she’d never really indicated that she wanted that kind of relationship with him. 

“really, this should wait until we get home, but…” he shrugged a shoulder and then unfastened his jeans. he held up a hand and couldn’t help but laugh. “i’m wearing underwear, i swear. and they’re staying on.” in that moment, he was thankful that his shirt was long enough to add a little something more to cover him as he angled the right leg of his jeans down enough to show her his own scars. 

the skin there was pink and now fairly smooth, but there was evidence from their rough pattern and deep indentations in the muscle that he hadn’t been able to heal as cleanly as if he’d been able to go to the hospital after such an attack. there were three lines and a fourth that was more of just a deep puncture mark with a little tearing. they were old. “some people feel… a lot where their scars are,” he said quietly. “i barely feel anything at all on these scars.” sebastian looked up to try to read nancy’s expression. perhaps he should have shown her the scar on his chest but that one… not today. not yet. 

“and just so you know. there are rehabilitation places that raise cubs to go back out in the wild. maybe their parent was killed by poachers. maybe killed by another animal. but i bet we can… try to visit one. even if you don’t pet a cub, you could see them. watch as i… turn into the closest i’ll ever get to being a parent while holding one.” 

her eyebrows raised, gaze staying on his even as he unfastened his belt and started pulling down the waistband of his pants. she wasn’t shy about sex. or nudity. or any of it, really. but...they hadn’t gotten there. she wasn’t really sure they ever would. still, she cared about him. more than she’d initially wanted to. certainly more than she’d planned to. exhaling, nancy looked down, smile immediately faltering at the sight of the scar. tucking hair behind her ear, she instinctively took a step closer. reaching down, she pulled the hem of his shirt away enough to see it better, fingers gently brushed over the scar. 

❝ aren’t we a pair, ❞  her voice was soft, head angling up to look up at him as she let her hand fall away.  ❝ i get that, ❞  she empathized, reaching up to brush her fingers through his hair. she didn’t entirely realize she was doing it until she’d done it. didn’t bother to overthink the fact that it was the kind of thing she’d only ever done with chloe, or her mom when she was sick, or other people she cared about. 

when he mentioned the cubs again, nancy laughed, her hand falling to rest at the side of his neck.  ❝ okay. ❞   she shrugged, thumb brushing over his pulse point and then just beneath the curve of his jaw.  ❝ i’m sold. ❞  it seemed like the kind of thing he really cared about. that meant something to him. and he hadn’t really mentioned a lot of things like that.   

her eyes settled on his for a minute, studying. trying to read him even though she knew it was impossible. she wasn’t the type to overthink things. not usually. she planned. organized. executed. she didn’t get hung up on guys. which was probably why she didn’t hesitate for more than a moment before she allowed her hand to slide to the nape of his neck, pulling him forward and tipping her chin up to kiss him. it was soft. tentative. more experimental than anything. and...whatever theory she’d been testing, she was right. there was something there. he was something.  ❝ i have a dog, ❞  nancy supplied, shrugging, smiling again.  ❝ lola. king charles spaniel. closest thing to a kid that i ever want. ❞  her smile was warm, hand slowly slipping away from him.  ❝ can’t really compare to a tiger cup but, she’s a badass in her own right. ❞     

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I’m lonely. I think loneliness probably kills more people than cancer. Hey, come here, come here.

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MISC. AESTHETICS ; THE BEACH COTTAGE.      ⸺      also known as: nancy’s dream house. her father always taught her to save the majority of her paycheck, so once she started getting paid from work, the sections of her pay that weren’t going to paying back student loans and renting her apartment and paying bills went into a savings account. for this. the cottage is small. much smaller than the house that she grew up in. there are two bedrooms, one and a half baths, it’s a bit ( a lot ) of a fixer upper, has been abandoned and on the market for years. but it’s right on the beach. tucked away from the areas where most of the foot traffic is, where the sand is a little bit rockier and less attractive to the common-folk, but where the water is always perfect for surfing. it’s surrounded by foliage ( mostly overgrown, at this point ), with a deck that’s bowed in some areas, but where the stairs lead right to the sand. her dream, once she has enough money, is to fix it up. put in as much of the work that she can herself and then hire locals to do the rest. but by the end if it? the cottage is her safe haven. the one place she feels most at home, the place she’s most in love with.

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miscellaneous aesthetics ! 

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saltnburn​:

❝ crazy is kind of my middle name, baby. ❞   he gives her that cheeky dimpled grin and takes her hand, weaving their fingers together as he leans forward with his elbows on his knees. considering how comfortable they became with each other as quickly as they did he’s not all that surprised that even though it hasn’t been a super long time, he feels like he could share a living space with her and he doesn’t think they’d have any major issues. he’s done the living together thing with a girlfriend once before and he didn’t fail horribly at it then.  ❝ i think you should move in with me… ❞ he says honestly, and then a look like he’s re-thinking those words crosses his face and he shakes his head in the negative.  ❝ no, no that’s… actually i should probably move in with you. you’re place is way nicer than mine, and bigger. and lola knows it already. yeah, you should definitely let me move in with you. ❞  he gives her that cheek splitting grin.

she’s not the reckless type. she plans. weighs her options. carefully measures decisions and makes sure that they’re lading towards the kind of future she wants. usually, when she gets to this point with someone, she cuts them off. and as much as she hates to admit it, he’s exactly the type of guy that she would have cut off. he’s a tattoo artist, for one. shaggy hair. easy smile. too hot ( which is a thing ). and he’s also...perfect. and the truly shocking part is that there’s not a single part of her that wants to say no.  ❝ or...we could get our own place? ❞  she shrugs a shoulder, arms looping around his neck as she leans in to kiss him. she’s got money saved. it’d be an even playing field. and...since she’s already diving into the deep end here, she doesn’t want to risk the playing field being uneven. not his space. not hers. theirs.  ❝ lola can adjust. ❞  nancy grins, kissing him again, fingers threading through his hair.

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polymusepotion​:

her denial was endearing, but sebastian knew jim moriarty. he knew him. which meant that for weaker, less intelligent men, the criminal mastermind might believe he could get away with bluffing. but for sebastian? no. it would be all or nothing. because of course sebastian would do his own search for the incision. of course he would do whatever was necessary to call jim’s bluff. except sebastian had known from something as simple as the tone in moriarty’s voice that this was no bluff. this was a game where the stakes were life and death. this was jim telling sebastian that if he cared a fucking iota for this girl, they would both be on that plane and in london within a day’s time. he had been faced with something like this before in his past. not against moriarty but against some… enemy. some opponent. and he’d offered the woman up to be killed. of course he had known that the other person had been bluffing. or so he’d claimed later. she hadn’t forgiven him. he hadn’t cared enough about her to ask her to.

moving quickly to close the space between them, sebastian’s hands suddenly wrapped around her wrists. “nancy,” he said. his tone was cool. calm. it was more no-nonsense than he had ever used with her. they’d spent beautiful weeks, months? together in this life. he’d been playful. charming. his darker side had remained hidden. but there wasn’t time for that now. she would see him. all of him. and he knew it would scare her away. but that was better. they could go to london, he could get the chip taken out of her body, and then she could leave him with moriarty to face his punishment. 

“look at me, nancy. look at me and hear the words i’m about to say. these chips are top of the line technology. or they would have been if they had been… more durable. there were a handful of things that cause them to short circuit and ultimately release toxic levels of acid into the bloodstream, killing the wearer within hours. one of those things being the removal without deactivation. once the chip is powered down completely, there still needs to be a waiting period of a couple hours. then, and only then, can it be removed. if you remove it now, you–” the words were harder to say than he’d expected. “you’ll be dead before we can even get on a plane. i won’t let him kill you. i won’t let him hurt you again. but in order for that to happen, nancy, i need you to trust me. trust me in a way you’ve never trusted anyone in your life. 

“i will protect you. with my own life if that’s what it takes. but i know this man and i know the lengths he will go to to win a game.” he’ll kill me. no matter what happens next. in the end, he’ll kill me. but i can still save you. “if we refuse to play? he’ll win that much faster. i’m going to get supplies to wrap that up again. while you please, please go pack a bag.”

his teal eyes were trained on her, beseeching her to just listen to him for once. “this game isn’t about you, not to him. but you can bet your ass that he has done his research well enough to know everything there is to know about you, including your medical background. i guarantee you that’s why it’s placed in such an area that you would believe yourself capable of taking it out on your own. it’s a false sense of security. he’s luring us both in. because if you die, i go to him. and if i want you to live, we both go to him. please, nance. go pack a bag. for me.”

she wishes --- she wishes --- there were some way to explain to him what he’s asking of her. trust. it’s not something she gives easily. she’s not her sister. she’s not chloe, who will give love and trust and respect to anything that breathes because she thinks everyone deserves it. no she’s...closed off. untrusting. cold. and they’ve been playing pretend for so long that she starts to forget that. it’s easy, living this life with him. she can be warm. friendly. make small talk about vegetable gardens and composting. she can have dinner ready when he gets home. there’s no cases to research or long hours to work through. she’s not her. and maybe that’s the problem now. because now...now she is. he says her name and she realizes much too quickly that she’s given herself to him before even calculating the risks. she let him in. she doesn’t do that.

her hand comes up to cover his, fingers slipping between his as he fingers curl. she has him in a death grip. and she refuses to let go. that’s the thing. people back home, they think she doesn’t let people in because she’s scared. because she can’t. because she’s incapable of pulling herself away from her job to focus on another person. but that’s not it. if she cares too much, she’ll break when she loses someone. it’s what happened when her mom died. she can’t imagine loving someone and then losing them and now --- now... 

❝ promise me you won’t do anything stupid. ❞  she’s still holding onto him, gaze searching his. he’s unreadable. she realizes now that it’s more out of training than it is the fact that they’re living a lie. she’s caught glimpses before. but now the veil is lifted. the lies have worn away. it’s just them. she’s a fighter, she always has been. she survives. but this isn’t the kind of thing she can think her way out of. she has to trust her way out of it. and either way, she has the sinking suspicion that she’ll lose. eyes shutting tightly, nancy feels her throat thicken, tears stinging behind her eyes as her head falls forward, touching against his for a moment. 

they haven’t had enough time. not for him to know everything. to know her enough to know how much the next words mean. how rare they are for her to say to someone who isn’t related by blood.  ❝ i love you. ❞  her expression twists, a concerted effort to keep tears at bay until she finally inhales and pulls back, nodding her head.  ❝ i’ll pack a bag. ❞  they’ll go. but there’s no way in hell that she’s leaving him there and letting him run her off.  ❝ but whatever happens, i’m not leaving you behind. ❞  death doesn’t scare her. she’s been there before. it’s warm. comforting. she knows the first face to greet her will be her mother. death doesn’t scare her, but having to recover from this does. 

several minutes later, she has a bag packed and sitting on the counter. the home they’ve spent the last several months in feels different now. colder. and she feels a sinking sensation in her chest when she realizes it’s because it was starting to feel like home. he felt like home. she’s still turning everything over in her mind, watching as he wraps a fresh bandage around her arm. when she speaks again, her voice is quiet.  ❝ the people from before, that was him? ❞  they have something going for them, in that case. at least...she thinks. if they play their cards right. he’s checked the house for bugs and he found none. which means they’re clear, for now. clear enough that she can talk through the beginnings of a plan forming in her head. 

❝ he wants me because it’ll keep you in line, right? ❞  or maybe that’s presumptuous. but he’s said...he’d told her he loved her. at least...in a way. she thinks he meant it. god she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to recover if he doesn’t.  ❝ but if back there, if --- let’s assume you’re right, and he knows everything --- he’ll know that i said i didn’t love you. ❞  the hardest lie she’s ever told, really. but if it ends up saving their lives, it might be worth it.  ❝ we can use that. buy some time? you’re good with a gun. i’m not...terrible with a gun. ❞  she trails off, because the plan falls short. it’s not even a plan so much as it’s an idea. one that might get them killed anyway.  ❝ what does he want? ❞

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THE SHALLOWS (2016) starring Blake Lively

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miscellaneous aesthetics ! 

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‘  everyone  desires  love  but  also  finds  it  impossible  to  believe  that  they  deserve  it .  ’

❝ deep thoughts coming out of 2am pizza night, ❞  her tone is light, but she understands the words all too well. accepting love is hard. giving it easy. she’s shut herself off, for awhile. it was easier that way. easier to cope with her mom’s death, easier to cope with the trauma of the attack. but sometimes it was just...harder. lonelier. nancy sighs, stretching her legs out in front of her as she polishes off her beer, replaying rapunzel’s words over in her head before she can form a more serious reply.  ❝ love is terrifying, ❞  she wouldn’t know. she’s never really been in it deep enough to feel the stakes of it.  ❝ you’re giving away part of yourself that you might never get back. i think the whole...not deserving it thing? it’s just an excuse. we accept what we can. sometimes that’s everything, sometimes it’s nothing. ❞

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polymusepotion​:

he relaxes with her comment. but not necessarily because the awkwardness is gone, but because he knows that he’s played his part well. hiding who he is, what he does, has been second nature to him for over a decade. putting people at ease, getting them to laugh, it’s what helps him blend in. what allows him to be a normal guy. blending in has been vital to his survival over the years and so he’s barely noticed that that’s what he’s done until she’s calling him cute. 

because that is what he’s done. it has to be. he doesn’t get flustered. or tongue-tied. or any number of things that she must be thinking about him at the moment. 

as she explains, he nods. normally he would try to analyze everything she says, everything she doesn’t say. but this time he just listens. he’s not working. this is a date night. and he needs to just relax. “no,” he says simply and though he’s quiet for a minute, it’s clear that it’s not because he’s finished with the topic, but rather he’s trying to find the best way to phrase what he wants to say without giving away too much. “i… grew up at a young age. had to. and i didn’t exactly… have the greatest example to learn from. sitcom, family television shows were a long way off from what i experienced. so children were… inconceivable.” he smirked and glanced in her direction, hoping the pun would distract her from his too-honest answer.

people hide pain in a lot of ways. they cry, or scream, or sometimes laugh. most of the time though, they make jokes. trying to smooth over the reality of any vulnerability they’ve exposed. she doesn’t know much about him --- that’s kind’ve the whole point of this. but she knows how to spot that kind of cover. nancy offers him a small smile before she reaches over and takes his hand. it’s getting strangely easy to be around him. to touch him. part of her is terrified of that. getting close to someone. opening up to someone. but that’s the irony of this whole thing, isn’t it? neither of them is allowed to be anything close to honest. she’s spent so much of her life refusing to open up to people and now she wants to more than anything.

nancy squeezes his hand, gaze diverting from his so he won’t feel like she’s trying to pick him apart. instead, she watches out the window for a moment, brow furrowing thoughtfully before she nods.  ❝ well then we won’t have kids. ❞ she says it as if it were actually in question. but it’s kind of fun, sometimes. playing this life.  ❝ we can tell brenda you have a low sperm count and i have a hostile uterus. ❞  a tragic turn of events. truly. she’s sure brenda will show up within the hour with some kid of casserole or baked good and the number of an adoption agency in the area.  ❝ i had a dog, ❞  nancy finally offers, smiling a bit more brightly, pulling the focus of conversation away from anything that might bring him pain.  ❝ she was my baby. is, i guess. ❞  she’s not really sure what happened to lola after they took her into custody. she hopes she’s with chloe. 

[shallowsurvived]

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