shallurangstweek

[shallurangstweek]

“Don’t worry about me, princess… save yourself”

Shallura angst

[shallurangstweek]

ShallurAngst, part 5 Nightmare/Phobia:

Allura breathed heavily as she leaned on the wall.

Sweat was sliding down the sides of her face and weighing heavily on the curls along her temples. She didn’t feel in control of what she was doing, much less what she was saying. It was as if every deeply hidden thought was surfacing without restraint. Did I really say that to Lance? She raised shaky fingers to her lips. Did I really kiss Curtis’ chin? She covered her face in mortification.

“Am I awake?” she muttered. “Or is this a nightmare?”

Is it a nightmare to be strong?

“How was any of that strength?”

To finally say what is on your mind, do the things that you are curious about – is that not strength? Is that not the right of any royal? Why should you withhold yourself amongst civilians?

“That’s impulse. Not strength.”

The strong are able to carry out their impulses.

“A tyrant,” Allura spat out. “I have no desire to be one.”

It’s not about petty wishes and frivolous wants. It’s about being born into power. You have greatness in you. The White Lion accepted you. Voltron is tied to you. You revived the entire Balmera and came out alive.

“…I-”

Why deny your nature?

“That is –“

Why betray what you were born to do?

“…Which is what?”

Allura lifted her head up. Across from her was a narrow window. Her eyes were wide as she lifted a hand up to her face, to her now long and jagged pink cheek markings. Allura slowly stepped forward, her hand stretched out to touch the glass. Her reflection mimicked the move but her eyes were calm as she stared back then smiled with clear fangs.

To rule.

She let out a startled gasp. Her reflection placed a large, elaborate crown on her head as a dark purple cape materialized around her shoulders. Gone were any traces of weakness from her face. Her blue eyes were sharp and steely, pupils so slitted the ends touched the rounded edges of her irises.

We came all this way for a new castleship. The Atlas is there, waiting for my command.

“…Yes, we did travel to Earth for that.”

And Earth will be the first planet in my empire.

A slow smile appeared on Allura’s face, then it cracked. “Empire…?” She gripped her head. “Alteans are diplomats. We do not conquer.”

Do we not? We had colonies on other planets.

“They were trading posts.”

That’s how an empire begins.

“It was diplomacy!”

Father’s council had been studying alternate methods for negating violence from hostile races.

“T-That wasn’t –“

Like the other Altea? With an Empress Allura? Of course it was.

“No. It wasn’t! It wouldn’t have taken away free will! We only sought to -”

Control the weak minded.

“-maintain the peace! Fix the chemical imbalance in their minds!”

There was peace in that other reality. And an Altea.

“…Altea is gone.”

The old one is. The reflection looked out the window. But it can always be remade…

Allura peered out the window to see Earth. Humans and Alteans were similar physiologically.

“Would their planet be similar as well?”

Our planet.

“…Our-“

Allura took in a sharp breath. She was face to face with the reflection.

She screamed, punching her whole arm through the glass. It shattered entirely, even getting the panels next to get. And yet, the reflection remained before her.

She ran.

*****

Previous chapters collected on Shadowed Hearts (Ao3)

[shallurangstweek]

Shallura Angst Week 2019

Day 5: Enemy/Stranger

(Kuron Arc)

@shallurangstweek

This demonstrates the great hatred to myself.

I just wanted to have five days.

I'm sorry... Just a little.

[shallurangstweek]

Shallura Angst Week 2019

Day 4: Bittersweet / Unrequited

"It's ok, I'll be fine."

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I have no idea what I did, but I know I shouldn't have done it because my heart hurts.

After this, I am seriously thinking if it is healthy (both for my hand and for my heart) to do "Nightmare / Phobia"

[shallurangstweek]

Shallurangst Week Day 7: Remembrance / Awaken

My first Fandom event completed…wow…

The echos of weapons firing and smashing together in combat die away.

The Dead are counted.

Graves are dug.

Prisoners are tried.

Some are jailed.

Too many are executed.

Treaties are written.

As are news stories. Some less flattering than others.

Medals are dolled out.

Monuments are built.

A parade or two is held.

But they will always remember.

Shiro will never again have to imagine what a dying person sounds like. He doesn’t need to.

Allura will never again have to decide which enemy deserves to live. At least she hopes she doesn’t.

They have each other.

They have the rest of their lives together.

It should really be happy.

But They will remember when one or even both of them awaken in the dead of night, lungs empty, skin damp, heart pumping.

Remembrance can be a war all it’s own.

[shallurangstweek]

shallurangst week: day seven — remembrance / awaken

Allura, wake up! / You found me.

[shallurangstweek]

Shallurangst Week 2019

Day 6: Enemy / Stranger

(AU where Kuron slowly begins to realize something is wrong with him, and starts to piece together that the memories he holds cannot be his own).

They sit side by side against the wall of the cockpit in the Black Lion, a generous amount of space between them. They are both exhausted, and Black surely isn’t doing much better if she is unresponsive and powered down. 

“I know this is less than ideal,” Allura finally says amidst the silence. Her gaze is fixated towards the floor and she has her arms wrapped around herself, closed off. Kuron holds memories where she presents herself so openly to him—to Shiro.

Kuron knows he has done things to upset her as of late, and it’s caused tension between them, but he isn’t sure how to fix it. It’s like there is something within him that won’t allow it. 

“We’ll make do,” Kuron says. He says it like Shiro would, but it does not resonate the way he wants it to. Somehow it sounds mechanical. Wrong. “We’ve gotten out of tougher situations before.” 

“Yes, you’re right.” She pauses and her eyes flicker over to him briefly. There’s a glint of hope, a longing for a connection. “I’m just…hoping we can actually work together this time.” 

He returns the gaze but doesn’t say anything. His eyes feel strangely cold. 

“Neither of us have been seeing eye to eye lately and—” He watches her curl into herself a little more and squeeze her arm. She flinches when her fingers press into a bruise. “I was just hoping things could go back to the way they were.” 

“Before I disappeared?” Kuron recalls the softness in Shiro’s touch, and in his voice when he spoke to her. He thinks of a particular late night on the bridge, his hand cusped in hers. He tries his best to channel those feelings, but is afraid he falls short. 

“I’m not asking you to—” Allura exhales and looks upset with herself, almost as if she was imagining the same thing. “I understand you were taken back into Galran hands and I do not expect you to be…alright, Shiro. It’s not what I’m asking of you.”

“To be… alright?” He knows something is wrong—it rings in his head, but he doesn’t know how to fix it. He can’t put his finger on it. He tries to be okay. But trying does not seem to be good enough.

Keep reading

[shallurangstweek]

ShallurAngst part 4, Bittersweet/Unrequited:

“Are you sure princess?”

Allura calmly slipped off the bed. “It’s only a stroll Coran.”

“But at this hour-“

“I’m not a child.”

Coran lifted his brows at the tone. She delayed in her apology. He accepted it slowly. She slipped her shoes on but only bothered doing enough buttons on her borrowed uniform to be decent. Her hair shifted as she moved to the doorway.

“I can call you,” she shifted enough to let her earring show, “if something happens.”

If it weren’t for that he wouldn’t have relented. She slipped out quietly. Her feet barely made a sound as she walked.

How insufferable.

She was his sovereign. Yet he dared to question her? He never tried to hold her father back even when he had those hideous lumps for two movements. Mother had complained but father and Coran had waved off her concerns with laughter.

“Allura?”

She turned around slowly. Lance came up behind her with his blue paladin pajamas.

That color is mine.

Keep reading

[shallurangstweek]

shallurangst week: day six — enemy / stranger

[shallurangstweek]

Shallurangst Week Day 6: Enemy / Stranger

I wrote this as a sort of counterpart to my Day 4 Post. It's written from a similar perspective, one I find very interesting and I might even incorporate parts of this into my (long overdue) story, As Endymion Sleeps.

Why did he look at him like he was an enemy?

He only wanted to help, he’d told her as much and yet now, she wouldn’t even let him air his grievances, instead treating him like a stranger.

Couldn’t she see?

Couldn’t she see that he was doing this for the good of their people? For the good of Altea? That earthling (he hesitated to use the word “suitor”) could only ever think of other people. How could this no-name make the decisions that could sway the galaxy as a king if he let his sentimentality control him? Who was his father? His Mother? And if the human sacrificed himself in the name of misdirected altruism, Allura would be heartbroken.

Enemies broke people’s hearts, not he.

The son of an emperor and a great alchemist who would analyze every situation, never allow himself to be caught unawares, never leave her side, never let her feel alone, would be a wiser partner for the Princess, wouldn’t it?

Couldn’t she see he was more Altean than Glara?

The Altean race wasn’t gone, they could rebuild it together. Diluting an Altean bloodline with a human mate would only decrease the chances of more sacred Alteans or even Alteans period. It was logical. He sympathized with her mistreatment by the Galra, but with her help, that would become a thing of the past.

An enemy wouldn’t promise that, would they?

Couldn’t she see that if it meant the universe to her, he would relinquish his title as prince to stay by her side?

Not that she would. It was logical that he keep his title and the pull that came with it, if their shared goal of universal harmony was to be accomplished. Who was this “Shiro” but a man from a backwater planet? What benefit could he bring the princess in peace time? Surely, she would prefer a diplomat like himself.

Couldn’t she realize that they weren’t real paladins? That he knew ten different races from ten different planets that would make much better choices? His generals, for instance. They were loyal, skilled, and above all, not one of those plebian pretenders to the title of Voltron. He would know.

An enemy would isolate and sabotage her, not bolster the strength she obviously had.

Doesn’t she see what they could accomplish together?

She was a sacred Altean, and he had been schooled in military discipline and sciences since he was small. Anyone could see how they could lead the universe into a brighter tomorrow, the old and the new together, as one glorious union of worlds.

Of course, her little earth friends would be part of it too. Why wouldn’t they? It’s not like him to leave subjects out in the cold that way. That’s what an enemy would do.

Couldn’t she see just how much of a better match he was for her than that battered…Shiro she thought was so interesting?

Wasn’t someone who would hold her back be more of an enemy than he?

That was the case.

Wasn’t it?

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An edit of Shallura with this scene specifically

From our Instagram @/bravepaladins

[shallurangstweek]

Shallura Angst Week 2019

Day 3: Black / Breathe

"It will only be once..."

@shallurangstweek

[shallurangstweek]

Shallurangst Week Day 5: Nightmare / Phobia

She’s there when the fear takes hold and he forgets where and when he is.

He’s there when the worry becomes too great for her shoulders to bear.

  They only began sharing a bed to stave off the nightmares that came to visit in the uncertain hours between the dead of night and the first signs of dawn.

  They only began their revels of the flesh to distract from the dark spaces of their imaginations, the terrible what ifs that plague them when they close their eyes.

  When did it happen, they wonder.

  When did their bed-sharing transform into room sharing, bathroom sharing, late night snack sharing, secret sharing, everything sharing?

  When did sex become normal, casual even, when there was nothing to be distracted from?

  When did their trembling and night terrors, give way to the serenity of games of chase, of holding each other just because the other was there?

  When did they realize they would die for each other?

  And why won’t they say it?

  Say it all and get it out in the open?

  She’s still there when the fear takes hold and he forgets where and when he is.

  He’s still there when the worry becomes too great for her shoulders to bear.

  But when will they realize they would live for each other, too?

[shallurangstweek]

ShallurAngst, part 3 Black/Breathe:

“Her vitals are steady,” Sam Holt murmured as he stared at Luka’s EKG machine.

“That’s a good sign,” Curtis added.

“Very good, considering what was happening with Luka earlier.”

“It’s been three quintants.” Romelle sat by the bed of her fellow colony Altean. “Allura nor Luka have yet to wake up.”

“It is strange,” Sam sighed. “Luka I’d understand but the princess - I’m not sure what to make of it. Coran either. He said he’s not seen anything like it.”

Romelle looked around. “Is Coran with Allura now?”

“Shirogane is,” Curtis answered. “But I ran into Coran on the way over. Said he was going to shoo the captain off to take a break.” He looked to the side in thought. “He’s barely left her side.”

Romelle tilted her head at that. “Why do you call him Shiro-gane?”

“That’s his complete family name.”

“You can just say Shiro,” Sam smiled. “Everyone else does.”

“I don’t – he’s the captain.”

“Not all the time,” Romelle quipped.

Curtis felt flustered as Sam’s smile widened.

“I’m going to check on the bridge.”

________

Water continued to fall on Shiro’s form.

His head was bowed down as he stared at the liquid going down the drain. He lifted his left hand, saw how his skin was wrinkling from being in the shower for too long. Not for the first time he didn’t feel like this was his hand. It was in part due to the fact that he was in his clone’s body now but at this moment…

“Fight,” Allura yelled out through the comms, “it cannot end here!”

The blast reflected back on her, making her scream in pain –

He slammed his fist on the shower wall.

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[shallurangstweek]

shallurangst week: day five — nightmare

“I saw—” A choked back sob. “Horrible things.”

Gentle thumbs swipe over cheeks, kisses pressed to white hair and bodies held close in the comfort of their bed. The birds of New Altea sing outside their window. “Shh, my love.” Soothing and steady, and slowly, heartbeats fall in time. “We’re okay.” Soft reality comes sweeping in. “It was only a nightmare.”

[shallurangstweek]

for shallurangstweek day 2: failed // saved

.

She barely realizes what’s happened until she feels a warm pool gathering under her. Eyes wide, she looks down from Shiro’s eyes to the lower half of her body. There’s a dark bloom over his torso, a triangle of silver at the center. Streams of red dribbling over her paladin armor. 

She looks back up at him. “You’re dying,” she gasps.

His smile doesn’t waver. “I saved you,” he simply replies, voice calm.

“But you’re dying,” she repeats. Her chest tightens, her breath quickens, and the thoughts in her mind start to fog. This couldn’t be happening. This can’t be happening. This can’t be happening again.

He can’t die now. He can’t die ever. 

She would never allow it. She cannot let him die. 

Not here. Not on this mission. Not when the end is so so close and their happy ending is just within reach.

This mission failed. This mission failed again. 

How many times does she have to try to keep him alive?

How many times does she have to reset reality?

Each and every time it ends the same way. He saves her, and she loses him. No matter what she does, no matter what she changes, this is always how it ends. 

Is this how it is always going to end? Is this really what fate offers two star-crossed lovers?

He coughs, then turns his head to spit away some blood before he returns his eyes back to her. She cradles his head in her hands, holding back the tears in her eyes.

She’s seen him dying hundreds of times over. She should be used to the sight of it by now. But she’s not. 

“Hey,” he reassures her, lifting a hand from the floor and taking her wrist. “It’s okay. It’s going to be alright. You — ”

“No,” she tells him. “No. I’m going to make this right. I won’t fail again." 

"What?” he asks, confused. His eyebrows furrow as they do each and every time she tells him again.

He’ll never know.

She intends to keep it that way.

[shallurangstweek]

Shallurangst Week 2019

Day 4: Bittersweet / Unrequited

“We’re meant to be together. But we’re not meant to be.”

Shallura Bodyguard AU. Devoted captain of the royal guard Takashi Shirogane, escorts Princess Allura across the treacherous realm to unite with her betrothed, so she may take her rightful place as queen, and bring peace between the Alteans and Galra.