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How can children cope in this pandemic!!

                          There are approximately 1.9 million children all over the world. This COVID-19 pandemic has affected children the most not physically but psychologically. They are struck at home without much of activity. They cannot go out to play or do any activity which they did before the pandemic.

Some significant signs seen in children:-

·         Change in sleeping patterns

·         Increased aches and pains

·         Increased focus on their body

·         Change in mood or behaviour

·         Difficulty in separating from authority

·         Withdrawal and isolation

·         Difficulty concentrating

·         Increased worries or inability to focus

                                                     If the above signs are being seen in the child then it is likely that that child needs additional support from the family to manage hid/her feelings. So as a parent you can use certain strategies to change or stop their behaviours:-

 Provide assurance whenever needed

It is very important to reassure children. Just listen to their concerns and try to answer their questions related to the outbreak. Spend quality time with them and give them attention they need. Reading stories to them to sleep will make them feel loved

Keep them in contact with their friends

Physical distancing is cause of distress for all children. Encourage them to talk to their friends, cousins, loved ones by calling the up through video calls. The children can do some fun activities virtually like Antakshari, Truth or Dare, Name Place, Animal, Thing.

    Manage child’s anxiety

It is perfectly normal for the child to become anxious at this time .Look and observe the child for the emotional cues. Avoid being judgemental when they express their feelings. Don’t avoid questions related to COVID or speak harshly to them. This can increase their fear and anxiety. Make them understand that things will get better if proper care is taken. Just remember this is a new situation for children and please don’t get irritated on them

Give them clear information

It is always advised not to provide children with lot of reports and news related to the outbreak. It is very important to give the correct information as what is happening in the world. Give them proper facts in a way to understand the situation and don’t remain confused as it might increase their anxiety. Explanations can be done through creative pictures and drawings

Engage them in indoor activities

It is obvious that children will get bored easily during this time. Involve them in some indoor games to cut their boredom, for e.g.-treasure hunts, this game is very easy and depends on how many items you use .Hide the items anywhere ,this can help to keep children engaged for some time, Hide useful things and ask the child to spell the name of the thing when it is found. Bring out board games you have in the house and play it with your children. Tell your childhood stories to them. Bake cake and cookies with them. As a family, you can have a picnic in the living room and play memory game at the same time .Each person takes turns in remembering what everyone is bringing and add one thing each turn. Do an dance party at home and invite friends and children virtually You can start an independent novel project such as reading a book together or make kids write an book review on the recent book they read. These small home projects can keep kids learning all the time. Make them write letters. Make play dough at home. Make jigsaw puzzle together. Exercise together. Have a paint night at home. Make pizza together .Make gratitude journals where you can thank people and this is a great way to remember positive things in the world. Play hopscotch indoors. Do yoga together. Play fancy dress at home .Make your own board game .Interview each other, this way both the parties can know each other well. Try origami .Practice instruments. Make self portraits.

Make a routine of learning at home

The schools are closed but learning still continues so don’t stop them from growing. Make sure that they have a regular habit of studying by giving them some assignments related to lessons. Check assignments to understand their progress.

                                      Thus these are few ways by which we can keep children engaged in our houses and help them in their personal growth.

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how to cope in this pandemic

As a mental professional the things you can do staying at home. These activities may reduce depression and reduce the anxiety and panic we have in our minds:-

v READ A BOOK

v READ A MAGAZINE

v TIDY THE HOUSE

v SORT THROUGH YOUR WARDROBE

v DO AN ONLINE SHOP

v ORGANISE YOUR BEAUTY CABINET

v START GARDENING

v COOK UP A STORM

v BINGE ALL YOUR 'TO-WATCH' LIST ON NETFLIX

v DO A HOME WORKOUT

v NAP TILL YOUR HEART'S CONTENT

                              THINGS PLEASE YOU NEED NOT DO

v STOP SPREADING RUMOURS OF ALL KINDS

v ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR ANXIETY, AND DON'T TRY TO DEFLECT IT

v CONSIDER ALL INFORMATION, NOT JUST STATISTICS

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MYclicks

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Addiction( social media)  

According to psychologists, Addiction is a condition in which a person engages in use of a substance or in a behaviour for which the rewarding effects provide a compelling incentive to repeatedly pursue the behaviour despite detrimental consequences.  

                                  Addictions can however be of different types;-

1.   Addictions to substances:-

·         Alcohol

·         Tobacco

·         Opioids (like heroin)

·         Prescription drugs (sedatives, hypnotics, or anxiolytics like sleeping pills and tranquilizers)

·         Cocaine

·         Cannabis (marijuana)

·         Amphetamines (like methamphetamine, known as meth)

·         Hallucinogens

·         Inhalants

·         Phencyclidine (known as PCP or Angel dust)

·         Other unspecified substances

2.   List  of impulse control disorders:-

·         Intermittent explosive disorder (compulsive aggressive and assaultive acts)

·         Kleptomania (compulsive stealing)

·         Pyromania (compulsive setting of fires)

·         Gambling

3.   List  of addictions(behavioural)

·         Food

·         Sex

·         Pornography(attaining/viewing)

·         Using computers/internet

·         Playing video games

·         Exercising

·         Spiritual obsession

·         Cutting

·         Shopping

 Albert Einstein had once quoted –“I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots” .As a psychologist I feel in recent times people have become slaves of technology. Everyone starting from adults to children want to be engrossed in this fantasy world rather be connected with people in reality.

The motive of writing this article is to make people aware about what harm this technology is causing and how it is impacting our lives. According to recent statistics, Social media addiction is a growing phenomenon worldwide. The average person spends nearly 2 hours a day using social media, which amounts to 5 years and 4 months of his/her lifetime. In that time a person could run more than 10,000 marathons or travel to the moon and back on 32 separate occasions. For teens, social media time spent could be up to 9 hours every day.

                                    The accessibility of mobile technology and social media hasn’t been without consequences. A 2018 study found that teens that spend 5 hours per day using their phones were almost twice as likely to exhibit depressive symptoms as counterparts who dedicated only 1 hour on their phones. Interestingly, the relationship between excessive mobile use and depression appears to be strongly linked to gender, with 58% more females than males experiencing depressive symptoms.

What Causes Social Media Addiction?

Just like gambling, alcohol, and drugs, social media addiction seems harmless, but it is a growing problem that needs to solve because the effect it brings can lead to depression, anxiety and more.

Whenever you receive notifications from social media like Face book, Instagram, and Twitter, your brain will release a small amount of dopamine. This makes you feel good on a chemical level. Each time you see a notification, your brain gets excited.

It is the “reward” that is the most important neurological reason responsible for the compulsive usage of the social network. When the brain created dopamine, it also creates the desire so that the person will search for and want more of the reward from using social media.

10 Common Signs You Are Addicted to Social Media

1.      Social media is the first thing you do in the morning.

2.      You waste your time looking at nonsense and procrastinate.

3.      You checked in everywhere you go

4.      You check notifications all the time

5.      You only want to talk and contact to your friends via social media

6.      You constantly monitor the “likes” and “shares” you receive

7.      Craving for internet connection

8.      You take photos of almost everything

9.      Social media becomes part of your life

10.  Checking social media is the first thing you do whenever you are free

Other mental symptoms of social media addictions:        

                    I.            Experiencing less satisfaction and hence less happiness

                  II.            It can promote jealousy

                III.            It raises  your anxiety level and affects our overall well being

How to Cure Social Media Addiction

·         Get rid of notifications

·         Limit your time spent on social media

·         Delete the apps

·         Make yourself busy

·         Restrict your time spent on social media through apps

·         Create your own reward system

·         Disconnect and unplug yourself

·         Never bring your smart phone into your bedroom

·         Get an accountability partner

·         Do a self-reflection every week

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                                      MENSTRUATION –MYTHS AND FACTS

I being a women and a psychologist want to make people aware on what exactly is Menstruation or periods. Even in this 21st century people have some really bizarre ideas about it.

What is Menstruation?

Menstruation, or period, is normal vaginal bleeding that occurs as part of a woman's monthly cycle. Every month, your body prepares for pregnancy. If no pregnancy occurs, the uterus, or womb, sheds its lining. The menstrual blood is partly blood and partly tissue from inside the uterus.

What is menstrual cycle?

The menstrual cycle is the recurrent approximately monthly menstruation. The menstrual cycle is the hormonal driven cycle; day 1 is the first day of your period (bleeding) while day 14 is the approximate day you ovulate and if an egg is not fertilized, hormone levels eventually drop and at about day 25; the egg begins to dissolve and the cycle begins again with the period at about day 30. Most periods vary somewhat, the flow may be light, moderate or heavy and can vary in length from about 2 to 7 days; with age, the cycle usually shortens and becomes more regular.

Problems associated with periods:

·         Amenorrhea (no period),

·         Dysmenorrhoea (painful period)

·         Abnormal bleeding

 When does a girl usually get her first period?

In the United States, the average age for a girl to get her first period is 12. This does not mean that all girls start at the same age. A girl can start her period anytime between the ages of 8 and 15. Most of the time, the first period starts about 2 years after breasts first start to develop. If a girl has not had her first period by age 15, or if it has been more than 2 to 3 years since breast growth started, she should see a doctor.

How long does a woman have periods?

Women usually have periods until menopause. Menopause occurs between the ages of 45 and 55, usually around age 50. Menopause means that a woman is no longer ovulating (producing eggs) or having periods and can no longer get pregnant. Like menstruation, menopause can vary from woman to woman and these changes may occur over several years.

The time when your body begins its move into menopause is called the menopausal transition. This can last anywhere from 2 to 8 years. Some women have early menopause because of surgery or other treatment, illness, or other reasons. If you don't have a period for 90 days, you should see your doctor. He or she will check for pregnancy, early menopause, or other health problems that can cause periods to stop or become irregular.

Being a woman I undergo certain symptoms which occur repeatedly before the onset of menses and sometimes linger into first few days of menses like mood swings, feeling suddenly sad or tearful or increased sensitivity to rejection, irritability or anger to interpersonal conflicts, feelings of depressed mood. Feelings of hopelessness or self depreciating thoughts and marked anxiety, tension and feelings of being on the edge. Some physical symptoms can also been seen like swelling of breasts, muscle or joint pain, sense of bloating and weight gain. Since these symptoms were regularly observed in all women from all parts of the world. So DSM-5(Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders – Fifth Edition) inculcated these symptoms and introduced a new disorder named Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder.

5 Top ways to beat premenstrual syndrome

1. Exercise

Try to get 15 minutes of exercise a day, go outside and do a sport or activity that you enjoy. Exercise will relieve tensions, stretch your muscles and release feel-good hormones.

2. Sleep well

Get 8 hours of sleep a night and you will feel rested and full of energy to take on the day!

3. Diet

Eat a balanced diet. Avoid sugary, salty foods and caffeine. Fruit and vegetables will give you a good balance of the vitamins and minerals. (However, we do feel that chocolate is a pre-menstrual necessity! Treat yourself!)

4. De-stress

Clearing your mind and relaxing your body will make dealing with stress and anxiety easier. Have a bath, do yoga or go for a gentle walk outdoors. Socialising is also great for treating low emotions or worry – company and conversation are great for improving your mood.

5. You time

Make time in your day for some ‘you’ time, even if that is just reading your favourite book, enjoying a hobby or soaking in a hot bath.

 Myths associated with periods

·         Women Will Contaminate Food

In parts of rural India, there is a myth that women cannot water plants or cook during their period because their “uncleanliness” will spoil the food. In a study done in a random school in rural India, 55 percent of girls surveyed believed they could not cook or enter the kitchen during and 4 days after menstruation or food would sour. While I’m all for more boys and men taking on household chores so that girls in India can get an education, this myth doesn’t help with that.

·         Showering Will Cause Infertility 

In Afghanistan, the word “gazag” means to become infertile. It’s said (in old Afghan tradition) that during the week a woman has her period she cannot wash or shower or she will gazag. You’re probably thinking this is gross. It is. And it’s more than that--it’s a major risk for infection.  In many places, including Afghanistan, it’s common for women to use cloth sanitary napkins. The benefit here is that it’s relatively inexpensive and a renewable way to manage periods. The downside is women are often ashamed to hang clean cloth used during menstruation outside with other laundry. So women hide and wear sanitary napkins for too long which cause’s infections deadly to reproductive health. This can all be fixed if social taboos over periods are eliminated.

  ·         Periods Are Debilitating For Women

Imagine someone telling you to miss work every month even if you don’t feel sick. Menstrual leave is a thing, and this one is more controversial than some others. Several countries in Asia, like South Korea, China, Japan, and Indonesia have laws providing women sick leave during their period. The debate here is whether menstrual leave for women is a form of discrimination or a medical necessity.

Periods taboos are more debilitating than anything menstrual cycles themselves. Lack of access to sanitary napkins, and knowledge on managing periods for girls and women is debilitating. But, periods they are rarely a cause for necessary sick leave.

Yes, every woman experiences menstrual cycles differently, but only 20 percent of women report severe pain during periods. The other 80% of women reported no debilitating symptoms or pain. With the proper supplies and knowledge on how to manage periods, girls and women can be empowered to accomplish any task any time of the month.

·         Girls Cannot Participate in Class

The chaupadi tradition is a practice in rural parts of Nepal where women are literally put in isolation during their period. Again the reason stems back to “being unclean.” Women cannot be in classrooms with other students while menstruating.

The myth goes back to the belief that a woman’s uncleanliness will anger Hindu goddesses. Dispelling myths like chaupadi where 16 percent of women in Nepal are forced from their homes into isolation is a task that will take effort, education and awareness.  

    ·         Women Can’t Enter Holy Temples

This myth exists in parts of the world ranging from Bali and India to Nepal. Women are believed to be “unclean” while menstruating and are thus not allowed to enter “clean” and holy places like temples. This is a form of gender inequality that limits women from the same human rights like freedom to practice religion that men have access to.

Girls and women menstruating are not unclean. They are normal, natural, and healthy. The myth that women cannot enter temples and holy ground is culturally controversial, and a sensitive issue. When women are treated differently because of a naturally occurring body cycle it creates shame, taboos, and humiliation towards periods that is deeply embedded into society. And that is the only thing that’s ridiculous.

  ·         Women Have “Cooties” That Make Men “Sick”

In India and parts of Nepal (in alignment with the chaupadi tradition in Nepal). Myth number eight says that women cannot interact with or touch men because men will become sick by touching an “unclean” woman. Some 20% of girls in rural India believe they should not talk to a male member of the family during menstruation.

And 40% of girls in India learn about menstruation from their mothers. So, if external education is not provided these traditions will persist.

·         Menstruation Is a Disease in Iran

Longstanding stigmatization in Iran has caused a staggering 48% of girls to believe that menstruation is a disease, according to a UNICEF study.

But there is hope.

A 2012 study by the National Centre for Biotechnology Information revealed that when young Iranian girls were given menstrual education, more than half of them started bathing when they had their periods, while others busted the erroneous misconception.

 ·         Pads Need To Be Kept Unseen and Apart From Other Trash, or Could Lead To Cancer

Traditional beliefs in Bolivia misinform young women and girls that the disposal of their menstrual pads with other garbage could lead to sickness or cancer, according to UNICEF. Because there’s still so much humiliation around the topic, many are told to keep their pads far away from the rest of the trash and are often led to collecting them in their bags during the school day until they get home.

The organization investigated 10 schools in Bolivia and identified that the two main challenges menstruating girls face include feelings of shame and limited access to private bathrooms. For this reason, UNICEF has implemented a massive menstrual education program in hopes of increasing access to proper menstrual products and sanitation facilities.

The bottom line is period taboos are not only crazy and ridiculous but they are a huge obstacle holding women back in many ways. It’s hard to believe these myths still exist all over the world today. But they do, and they need to be busted.

Awareness and education, especially for people in rural and developing countries, is necessary to empower girls and women everywhere. Together we can create a better world where girls believe periods are powerful not shameful.The good news is there are people making a difference each day when it comes to eliminating period taboos. Arunachalam Muruganantham is a man in India who’s not afraid of social taboos. His own family ostracized him when he created a sanitary pad that cost $0.04 (USD). Arunachalam is just one of plenty of other men helping end period taboos.

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                                                LIFE-A Moving Bicycle

      “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”- Ann Landers

In recent times our lives are so fast paced that we are just not left with time for anything. We are so busy with our careers, lives that our social life gets badly affected. We get time to message sometime through various social medias but don’t have the time to meet him/her person personally. We are changing drastically. For this reason our relationship suffers a lot which creates a barrier among two people. Some accept the change bravely some take years to come out of their past relations.

                                                      It happens to you slowly as you grow.  You discover more about whom you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you.

The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits.  The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values.  So you cherish all the memories, but find you letting go and moving on.

If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit awkward, and that’s OK.  This feeling is normal.  I’ve been right there with you on more occasions than I can count.

Reasons to Let Go and Move On

·         Someone’s negativity is rubbing off on you

·         You have grown apart from someone

·         You are truly unhappy with your current circumstances

·         Your goals and needs have changed

·         Fear is holding you back

·         You catch yourself living in the past

·         An old grudge is still hurting you.

·         You aren’t learning anything new.

One Small Example of Letting Go We had been in school since class 1. We were together for at least 12 years in school then after that though we went to different colleges we were in touch. Regular interactions happened between us. When I was doing my masters I started missing him as we both were busy with our lives. That is when we realized that we both have fallen for each other. He was also missing me. One day suddenly he popped the question; I was like flying in the sky. I had tears of joy that finally found the right soul mate after some failed relations. Everything was going good for 1.5 years. Then he started some requests to be physical with him. I said it’s normal for a guy to feel so. Why not fulfil his requests..!!This way some time passed but he only came to me when he wanted to be physical but when I needed him emotionally he was never there. The relation was indeed getting emotionally abusive for me. Lot of things were coming into my mind. I was going through a rough professional phase at the time and I got to know that my boyfriend is cheating me and he has started dating his colleague even continuing the relation with me. My world was shattered and I felt suicidal. Days were okay but nights were unbearable. I didn’t sleep for nights. I felt miserable. I had no friends to support me during this phase. One day I felt now its time to let go what ever happened and move ahead in life. He was jerk and didn’t give me importance then why I sit and waste my life for him. That was the beginning of the end of our story as friends.  Years later, our relationship is now a mere shadow of what it was and my life is honestly far brighter for it.  Letting my friend go wasn’t easy, but it was necessary for my own well-being and growth. Ways to Let Go and Move On

Holding on is like believing that there’s only a past; letting go and moving on is knowing in your heart that there’s a bright future ahead.  Let’s take a look at eight ways to design the latter.

1.       Accept the truth and be thankful – To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow.  It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead.  It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes, to trust your intuition, to learn as you go, to realize that every experience has value, and to continue taking positive steps forward.  

2.      Distance yourself for a while. – Sometimes you need to take several steps back in order to gain clarity on a situation.  The best way to do this is to simply take a break and explore something else for a while.  Why?  So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes.  And the people there may see you differently too.  Returning where you started is entirely different than never leaving.

  3.      Focus only on what can be changed – Realize that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood.  Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change.  Focus exclusively on what you can change, and if you can’t change something you don’t like, change the way you think about it.  Review your options and then re-frame what you don’t like into a starting point for achieving something better.

Claim ownership and full control of your life

 – No one else is

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                                                LIFE-A Moving Bicycle

     “Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”- Ann Landers

In recent times our lives are so fast paced that we are just not left with time for anything. We are so busy with our careers, lives that our social life gets badly affected. We get time to message sometime through various social medias but don’t have the time to meet him/her person personally. We are changing drastically. For this reason our relationship suffers a lot which creates a barrier among two people. Some accept the change bravely some take years to come out of their past relations.

                                                      It happens to you slowly as you grow.  You discover more about whom you are and what you want out of life, and then you realize there are deliberate changes you need to make to keep up with the changes happening around you and within you.

The lifestyle you’ve been living no longer fits.  The specific people and routines you’ve known forever no longer align with your values.  So you cherish all the memories, but find you letting go and moving on.

If you’re currently dealing with this process you may feel a bit awkward, and that’s OK.  This feeling is normal.  I’ve been right there with you on more occasions than I can count.

Reasons to Let Go and Move On

·         Someone’s negativity is rubbing off on you

·         You have grown apart from someone

·         You are truly unhappy with your current circumstances

·         Your goals and needs have changed

·         Fear is holding you back

·         You catch yourself living in the past

·         An old grudge is still hurting you.

·         You aren’t learning anything new.

  One Small Example of Letting Go We had been in school since class 1. We were together for at least 12 years in school then after that though we went to different colleges we were in touch. Regular interactions happened between us. When I was doing my masters I started missing him as we both were busy with our lives. That is when we realized that we both have fallen for each other. He was also missing me. One day suddenly he popped the question; I was like flying in the sky. I had tears of joy that finally found the right soul mate after some failed relations. Everything was going good for 1.5 years. Then he started some requests to be physical with him. I said it’s normal for a guy to feel so. Why not fulfil his requests..!!This way some time passed but he only came to me when he wanted to be physical but when I needed him emotionally he was never there. The relation was indeed getting emotionally abusive for me. Lot of things were coming into my mind. I was going through a rough professional phase at the time and I got to know that my boyfriend is cheating me and he has started dating his colleague even continuing the relation with me. My world was shattered and I felt suicidal. Days were okay but nights were unbearable. I didn’t sleep for nights. I felt miserable. I had no friends to support me during this phase. One day I felt now its time to let go what ever happened and move ahead in life. He was jerk and didn’t give me importance then why I sit and waste my life for him. That was the beginning of the end of our story as friends.  Years later, our relationship is now a mere shadow of what it was and my life is honestly far brighter for it.  Letting my friend go wasn’t easy, but it was necessary for my own well-being and growth. Ways to Let Go and Move On

Holding on is like believing that there’s only a past; letting go and moving on is knowing in your heart that there’s a bright future ahead.  Let’s take a look at eight ways to design the latter.

1.       Accept the truth and be thankful – To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and helped you learn and grow.  It’s the acceptance of everything you have, everything you once had, and the possibilities that lie ahead.  It’s all about finding the strength to embrace life’s changes, to trust your intuition, to learn as you go, to realize that every experience has value, and to continue taking positive steps forward.  

 2.      Distance yourself for a while. – Sometimes you need to take several steps back in order to gain clarity on a situation.  The best way to do this is to simply take a break and explore something else for a while.  Why?  So you can return to where you started and see things with a new set of eyes.  And the people there may see you differently too.  Returning where you started is entirely different than never leaving.

  3.      Focus only on what can be changed – Realize that not everything in life is meant to be modified or perfectly understood.  Live, let go, learn what you can and don’t waste energy worrying about the things you can’t change.  Focus exclusively on what you can change, and if you can’t change something you don’t like, change the way you think about it.  Review your options and then re-frame what you don’t like into a starting point for achieving something better.

 Claim ownership and full control of your life

 – No one else is

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foggy mornings

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When Sky is the limit..

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rainy day...

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Masters in Psychology and various other courses completed have enabled me with a vision of various irregularities and anomalies we have in our society and the pain they generate. I am personally inspired to serve. I look forward to opportunities where I may utilize my skills to consult, contribute and also grow myself.

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Every day we read in newspapers about children, adolescents, adults, losing the hope of living. Some die by jumping from skyscrapers, some by drinking poison, and some by hanging themselves. Last month we celebrated World Suicide Prevention day (10th September) and the Blue Whale phenomena which is giving everybody sleepless nights, I being a psychologist want to discuss on this topic

An article in a current daily has shown that in recent times West Bengal has the highest rate of rise in suicides. Statistics indicate that females have higher rates of non fatal suicidal behaviour and suicidal ideation. Females reportedly attempt suicide more frequently than males do males however have higher rates of completed suicides.

Here are some of causes due to which a person is forced to take such a drastic step:-

previous suicide attempts

substance abuse

imprisonment

family history of suicide

poor job security or low levels     of job satisfaction

history of being abused or     witnessing continuous abuse

being diagnosed with a serious     medical condition, such as cancer or HIV

being socially isolated or a     victim of bullying

being exposed to suicidal behaviour

People who have suicidal thoughts are often so overwhelmed by feelings of sadness and hopelessness that they think they have no other option. While it can be hard to know how someone is feeling on the inside, there are various behaviours that can indicate suicidal tendencies. It’s important to recognize these warning signs so you can help a family member or a friend who may be experiencing suicidal thoughts. Taking action and getting someone the help they need may help prevent a tragic suicide attempt or death.

Recognizing the signs and symptoms of suicidal behaviour

feel hopeless

feel trapped

feel alone

feel anxious or agitated

feel as if there is no reason to     go on living

think of suicide as a way out

experience mood swings

are abusing alcohol or drugs

Signs That Someone May Attempt Suicide                        

You can’t see what a person is feeling on the inside, so it isn’t always easy to identify someone who is having suicidal thoughts. However, some outward warning signs that a person may be contemplating suicide include:

talking about feeling hopeless

talking about having no reason to     go on living

making a will or giving away     personal possessions

searching for a means of doing     personal harm, such as buying a gun

sleeping too much or too little

eating too little or eating too     much, resulting in significant weight gain or weight loss

engaging in reckless behaviours,     including excessive alcohol or drug consumption

avoiding social interactions with     others

expressing rage or intentions to     seek revenge

showing signs of anxiousness or     agitation

                        If your friend or loved one isn’t in immediate danger but is having suicidal thoughts, then you can simply speak to them about the challenges they may be facing. During the conversation, make sure you:

stay     calm and speak in a reassuring tone

acknowledge     that their feelings are legitimate

offer     support and encouragement

reassure     them that suicidal feelings are temporary

tell     them that help is available and that they can feel better with treatment

[shalmalychatterjeeme-blog]

sunset...

[shalmalychatterjeeme-blog]

About 800000 people commit suicide worldwide every year, of these 135,000 (17%) are residents of India, a nation with 17.5% of world population. Between 1987 and 2007, the suicide rate increased from 7.9 to 10.3 per 100,000, with higher suicide rates in southern and eastern states of India. In 2012, Tamil Nadu (12.5% of all suicides), Maharashtra (11.9%) and West Bengal (11.0%) had the highest proportion of suicides. Among large population states, Tamil Nadu and Kerala had the highest suicide rates per 100,000 people in 2012. The male to female suicide ratio has been about 2:1.

There are various reasons for committing suicide but one of the major reasons is the high expectations parent’s have from their children. Let’s introspect why parents have high expectation nowadays:-

·         Prior achievement of the child

·         Competition in the family, neighbourhood, associates

·         Current performance in school

·         Involvement in child’s school

·         Gender

·         Socio economic problems

·         Imitation on the part of parent’s

·         Prior record and experience’s of the parent’s

 Parents don’t understand what affects high parental expectations have on their child. These are the few factors which are affected by parental expectations:

 ·       Self image or self esteem of the child

When expectations are realistic, it is easy for a child to experience success and feel personally valuable. On the other hand, when expectations are too high or too rigid, parents often express disappointment in their child’s actions. As disappointments mount up, they begin to eat away at a child’s view of his own value and his self-esteem begins to diminish. In simple words, self-esteem is composed of the thoughts, the feelings, and the ideas that a person has about himself. It is his overall judgment of himself. It is how much he likes, accepts and respects himself. In one way or another most of the things a child or an adult does are directly related to his feelings about himself. The friends he chooses, his creativity, his achievement, his basic personality — all are affected by his concept of himself. Strong self-esteem is not only the foundation of sound mental health, but it is also important in charting a successful and happy life. Building a good self image in our children is one of the most important jobs we do as parents.

 ·         Conflict resulting in stress and maladaptive behaviours

When parental expectations are realistic then the child copes with it at his/ her own pace, but when the expectation becomes unrealistic then the child always perceives things as threatening, when they do not believe that their resources for coping with obstacles (stimuli, people, situations, etc.) are enough for what the circumstances demand. They become depressed, anxious, aggressive, irritated which affects their physical as well as mental health.

·       Performance of the child

      High parental expectations also affect the child’s own aspirations and expectations; findings suggest that parental expectations for their child’s academic attainment have a moderate effect on student’s own goals for post secondary education. Both the expectations of parents and children are moderated by characteristic’s of parent, child, community (Redd, Jazzman et. al, 2008)

     Here are ways by which students’ can cope with high parental pressure

·         Plan a timetable

·         Talk to your parents

·         Reward yourself

·         Do bit by bit every day until you find that you have finished it all! It really helps and DO NOT leave it until the last minute

·         If you can, set a reasonable amount of time on weekends and in the holidays where you can revise and do some more homework

·         Stay positive

·         Relax!

·         Don't have a late night! 

·         If you have to go out, either wait until you have done a fair amount of work or do it another day.

    Here’s what parents can do to reduce the pressure on their child:

1.          Have hopes, dreams and ambitions for your child

a)     Let your child know that you think it’s important they do well at school.

b)     Ensure your child knows that you believe in their potential and abilities.

c)      Ask your child everyday what they learnt at school, or what they found interesting or fun at school

d)     Talk to your child often about the dreams and plans they have for their future.

 2.        Help your child to enjoy learning

a)     Demonstrate a positive attitude and good work habits to your child

b)     Talk with your child about what they are learning at school

c)      Help your child to learn how to deal with distractions and to re-engage with their work

d)     Help your child and encourage them to keep trying if they lack confidence or doubt themselves.

e)     Praise your child for their effort and persistence when they are reading or doing homework.

 3.        Talk with your child everyday about their day

a)     Talk with your child about what’s happening at school – activities, programmes, what they are learning and even what happens in the playground.

b)     Watch age-appropriate TV with your child and talk about what you watch together.

c)      Have dinner at the table with the TV off and talk about what happened in everyone’s day.

d)     Talk with your child about history, news, or any subject that interests them.

 4.        Read with your child

a)     Share your own stories with your child about your life.

b)     Read books or newspapers for enjoyment.

c)      Read and talk about books and stories with your child.

d)     Ask your child about their favourite character in a book or what they think might happen next in the story.

 5.  Get involved with your child’s school and local community groups

a)       Talk with your child’s teacher about their schoolwork and learning goals.

b)       Meet with the school principal or school liaison officer to discuss what you can do to help your child to get the most they can out of their schooling.

c)        Ask for help if you need it. There are many community groups and services to assist parents.

d)       Talk with other parents. Other parents can be a great support and you may find that the issues your child is having at school or home can be quite normal for their age.