sheelasanjeevi

[sheelasanjeevi]

A day in Kolkata ! Morning well spent looking into the life of Rabindranath Tagore at Tagore House ! What a Man ! What a life !! What a Philosophy !! Take a bow, Sir !!

The evening swung from the Ganga Aarti in Howrah to Hard Rock Cafe on Park Street !

A medley of experiences !!

[sheelasanjeevi]

College Road in Kolkata ! A couple of hours there was like traveling back in time. The road houses colleges, as the name suggests. But more prominent are the long rows of shacks on both sides of the road selling books. Reference books for any subject, any course, and you will find it there.

And then the book shops ! The one we ventured into has been existing for over a Hundred years. It was like walking into Harry Potter’s Diagon Alley!! Old books and new ; poems and classics ; novels and biographies .

You will find Blake and Yeats ; Jane Austen and Amish ; Enid Blyton and Kavita Kane. And to crown it all, hordes of Rabindranath Tagore !!

A priceless special edition of Pride and Prejudice for 350 bucks !!

Some books new and shiny . Some covered with layers of dust that you cannot see through it !

I was just moving through it all in a total daze !!

Absolutely an amazing experience!

[sheelasanjeevi]

HAPPY 10 YEAR OLDS MAKE ME PONDER

In the last few weeks, I have been Engaging myself with a bunch of 10 year olds to help infuse in them Personal Leadership Traits. And it’s been an exhilarating ride ! At the end of each one-hour session, I am zooming with happiness even as my physical energy is sapped !

As they came in for the first session, they were curious but very cautious. They came because Mom wanted them to! Ten minutes into the session, once they knew that the environment was free and non judgmental, they opened up totally.

They got to be Honest, enthusiastic, vibrant and not afraid to speak what’s in their hearts. They love to speak out and share their thoughts . They love to ask questions . They love to inquire in detail into any topic. They are ready to be totally aware of themselves and their immediate surroundings. Absolutely fantastic a feeling I am enjoying !

But then, I am pushed to ponder on why all this vibrancy gets lost . Why ?

I think the answer lies squarely in our Parenting System and our School System.

Changing the School System is a Herculean task and much work is ongoing.

My interest lies in changing what we can, the Parenting System.

[sheelasanjeevi]

DEAR ZINDAGI

Loved the movie ! So real ! No unwanted frills ; no irrelevant songs and scenes breaking the flow of everyday life ! Hats off to Alia and SRK for allowing us to blend into the story and relate to it 100 % . The plot calls out to people to say that Therapy for Mental Discomfort is THE answer and not to make it taboo. My favorite takeaways : The story of the man climbing the Everest. Lesson : it is not necessary to take the tough path just to prove yourself, especially when you are not ready. It is ok to choose the easy path. In any relationship, openly express what you like and what you don't in the other person. Better than silently tolerating and letting it corrode the relationship. There are two kinds of battles we fight. One, on the field outside ; and the second with ourself on the inside . Try and win the second one first -- and you can breeze through the battle outside !

[sheelasanjeevi]

AURA OF GRATIFICATION

There's this young lady who is a regular visitor to my home. Armed with a huge huge bag, and a bright smile, this beautician brings the luxury of a parlor to the comfort of my room at home . As she goes about the procedure of my pedicure, we have a general conversation; about her kids, about the weather , about some serious social issues et al. And then comes the part where she does the foot massage. Knowing that I have a painful heel, she will do her best to allay that discomfort . I like to respect that aspect of her service and so, stop all conversation , put off my phone and give in totally to her ministrations. Close my eyes and silently enjoy the relaxing sensations . After about twenty minutes of this quiet, she places my feet back on the ground and I know it's done. As I slowly open my eyes from this delicious slumber, the first thing I see is her eyes : waiting for me to acknowledge the total satisfaction I just experienced ! And when I do, she relaxes and beams at me ! Silently congratulating herself on a job well done! And I just sigh deeply and bless her for helping me ! She is gratified that I am gratified and .... all is well in both our worlds !! Thank you, young lady !

[sheelasanjeevi]

The Magic of Shared Stories !

I went to meet a friend in her office after years. As we chatted over coffee, a young lady passed by . The lady I was sitting with introduced us. Hey this is Sheela, this is Bhanu . We said hi and she moved on. In a moment, she was back again ! " Hey, I know you," she said . "Beetroot Koottu !! " I was stunned ! Yes, I said, I am so glad you remember that . She was a participant in one of my sessions years ago where I had shared a personal experience involving the said beetroot dish ! This was in the context of communication. "Whatever else I may have forgotten Sheela, " she said , "I remember your beetroot koottu story and the importance of explicit communication ! I continue to follow that even now ." She didn't recall my name or any other details. She just remembered my face, a story I shared , and the learning that came from it for her .... even after a decade ! She indeed made my day !

[sheelasanjeevi]

What's App DON'T ism

Don't buy keychains; don't drink Pepsi ; don't eat pizza ; don't get into a cab ; don't charge your phone ; don't wear perfume ; don't sit in the kitchen ; don't let the cylinder guy in ; don't use AC while sleeping ; don't use hotel swimming pools ; don't use trial rooms in shops ; dont eat bread ; don't walk on the road ; don't smell the flowers ; don't wear shoes ; dont use milk ; don't run ; don't take paracetamol; don't sneeze ; don't eat ; don't drink water ; don't breathe !!! Because doing each of these has some bad outcome, I believe ! That's what each of the what's app messages that go round and round say ! We just seem to mindlessly circulate such stuff on social media. I just decided to string them all together ! I took some poetic liberty to add a few of my own to the list too ! Sounds utterly unreal and silly when all put together ? Then why all these "don't do" messages one after another in isolation ? Can we see that this can create a distrustful and fearful environment around us ? Can we just be natural and live life normally instead of freaking out all the time ? Can we cut out the paranoia? Can we help our children believe that they are living in an absolutely decent and comfortable world ?

[sheelasanjeevi]

THE PARENT CHILD LOOP

We as parents owe our children. Big time . Because we wanted it and brought them into our life. They didn't ask for it. They did us a favor by being born as our children. So, we give them a fertile learning ground to become happy, good human beings and take charge of their lives. Full stop . The equation is complete. So, where is this question of them owing us ? Our children are now independent adults. We need to forge a new equation with them on an adult to adult, friend to friend basis. We can choose to do or not do things for each other , purely out of love and mutual respect . Not out of indebtedness. This feeling of indebtedness bogs people down . It restricts their independent lives and buries them in guilt. All in the name of gratitude, by the way ! It builds a chain of misery, from one link to another, over generations . So, can we, as parents, learn to close the loop and let our children be ? You graced us by being my child and I helped you grow up. You are a free individual now. No expectations. No guilt. Let us be friends and see how we can relate to each other on a win-win mode !

[sheelasanjeevi]

APPA'S WAYS LIVE ON !

Appa's Ways ! The title that I wanted to give to my book ! The name and the stories I wanted to share have been in my heart for many years ! How to portray those stories to make the reader connect to them was a different matter ! The thorough mashups and the ensuing turbulence in the mind is quite something to deal with. Going into the past to relive those moments and bring them into the present . And then, all of a sudden , I would know how to tell one particular story ! Jotting down at a speed to match the thought flow is indeed an adrenalin-rush ! Through each story, I was able to interact once again with Appa as if he were still alive ! Live on in my memories and my memoirs , Appa !

[sheelasanjeevi]

THREE CHEERS TO DOORDARSHAN

We stumbled upon it by chance ! Our good old DD channel . Two young ladies saying something with so much feeling. We couldn't understand what they said. We soon realized it was Varthavali, News time .So we stayed on the channel to see what language they were using . And then, suddenly , on the screen was Amitabh Bacchhan singing ' tere mere milan ki yeh raina ' .... In a different language ! And wait, it was in karaoke mode! And the words popped up in Sanskrit !! Yes, I sang along my favorite song in Sanskrit !! Absolutely novel, the experience ! The two young ladies came back on to the screen to explain the behind-the -scenes story. I was absolutely enthralled by the lovely flow of such an ancient language. I connected even though I didn't understand it completely . Hats off to the smart young ladies who spoke Sanskrit with such ease and fluency ! Three Cheers to the almost forgotten Doordarshan for marching on inspite of so much competition and bringing us such delicious content ! Hip Hip Hooray !!

[sheelasanjeevi]

FITTING INTO HOMES AWAY FROM HOME

For the last two years, my husband Sanjeevi and I have been living away from what we officially call our Home in Chennai. The bulk of the two years we spent at Prakash and Vasuki’s home in Jakarta. Prakash is my brother. Vasuki is more a good friend than just a sister-in-law ! And there were the numerous short stints at our daughter Preethi ’s home in Singapore.

Many of our friends and family were very wary of this move of ours. They thought moving out of our home base on an exploratory trip abroad at our age and stage in life was out of the ordinary. Some felt it was courageous and some felt it was downright foolish. We did it anyway ! It was a conscious choice on our part. We were responding positively to an invitation from my brother to explore new frontiers alongside him. We knew what it called for and we were ready for this Learning and Growing Up exercise ! And learning a lot, we sure did. As much about ourselves as about others and about life.

At 60 plus, it is difficult generally to get out of habits we have developed over the years. We are so used to being our own boss doing what we want , the way we want . Changing that and adapting to the lifestyle and habits of another household would be a huge challenge. And, we aimed to overcome that challenge consciously and methodically.

The big positive in the situation was that at both our adoptive homes, we were welcomed , loved and respected. Communication was open, so we could talk about possible potholes that would crop up when two sets of people decide to live under a common roof.

Thus equipped, we sailed through the two years and came out richer in emotional maturity and life experiences.

Plenty of episodes where two parties meet mid way . Where each one takes the first step and walks the extra mile ! One side is used to 7pm dinner and the other at 9 pm. It merged to a 8pm slot. One likes to roam the malls and the other likes to stay home and read or watch tv. The home birds learnt to enjoy the mall roaming. Many many more such situations we crossed successfully . Lots and lots of learning ; Osmosis and Reverse Osmosis !

Here are a few key ones out of the hundreds of takeaways for us:

* Be in an “egoless state ” * Remove the “ this is my way ” thought from the mind and the heart. * Accept and embrace different ways and ideas open-heartedly. *. Stop taking anything personally. Be objective. *. Be totally Non-Judgmental. *. Let go of old habits and Perspectives. *. Make possible a two-way open communication thrive.

Right now, we are in yet another Home away from Home ! Yes, at my sister Geetha’s place ! The floods in Chennai and my father-in-law hospitalized in Bangalore being the reasons. Hoping to get back to our Chennai Home in the next week !

And the journey continues !

[sheelasanjeevi]

STRANGER CONNECTION

A chance meeting with a total stranger ! What an experience ! This is what happened. My daughter , not keen on going to Little India to get her sari and blouses tailored, googled to find alternatives around where she lives. She found an option exceeding her expectations. The tailors offered home pick-up and delivery! They also promised to send a lady who could take measurements, if we wanted! For my daughter who prefers not to go into Little India on weekends, this was a godsend. We were ready to wait for this lady to come! And that's how I met Rani. Tall, pretty and dignified, she was pleasant and soft spoken. The visit was short. She collected the material, promised to deliver it herself in three days time. She seemed to like me and my daughter and the feeling was reciprocated from our side . She politely refused our offer of a drink and said, Masha Allah, nice to have met you, that's enough ! Promptly on Tuesday evening, she arrived with the ready material . My daughter was at work, so I received Rani. We sat in the balcony, she checked and handed over the blouses. She gave me the receipt for the payment I made and the transaction was over. Once again, I offered her some cold juice and this time she said yes. So over biscuits and orange juice, we started to chat casually. Her name is beautiful, but people call her Rani. Grew up in a Royal family near Jaipur. Raised three daughters on her own after the husband left her when the girls were very young. She taught in a small school and stitched clothes, for a living . The three girls are now all married with children. All happy in their lives. Rani partly lives in Singapore to help out her daughter and son-in-law to take care of their three boys as well as in their new venture. Her meeting with me was in this context. What came next was a pleasant surprise! She shared with me that she was getting married. My 'wow!' seemed to make her more comfortable and sure-footed about this new development in her life . My non-judgmental and positive response gave her the green signal to tell me the whole story . Having completed all her commitments towards her daughters, this 55 year old lady decided to look at bringing companionship and happiness into her own life. She went about it in a beautiful way. With the blessings and support of three grown up daughters, she registered herself on a popular online marriage portal. A nice happy selfie accompanied her detailed profile ! There were scores of responses, but she was choosy and careful. Then came this gentleman from London! A widower and father of three grown up kids, he seems to have reached out in the right ways and so became Rani's chosen one. I got to see all the pictures; their meeting in a common place, a simple engagement ceremony, her special outfit designed by herself, her beautiful home back in Jaipur; all her grand children , et al. We sat together in the balcony for an hour and a half as she poured out her heart's happiness to me ! She promised to stay in touch and bid a fond farewell . The poignant exchange left me feeling happy and positive with two separate flavors ! One, the sureness, strength and courage of a simple woman to believe in life and take meaningful steps to live it fully ! Another is the wonder of such a chance meeting and the intrinsic connection that happened between two complete strangers! My belief in the connectedness of the Universe just got raised to the power of infinity !

[sheelasanjeevi]

TIME SHARING

My husband and I got back home after a long and tiring Dentist appointment last evening. Hungry, tired and slightly disoriented , we walked in with a jaded feeling . We were greeted by the warm and enthusiastic HELLOOO! by our nephews! Two young adults brimming with the excitement of the day they had; and waiting to share it with us ! They had gone diving in the huge Aquarium in the Sea World and had captured those wonderful moments on their newly acquired under-water camera! Big deal, indeed, for them. Wanting to participate in their excitement and happiness, we quickly freshened ourselves and sat with them to watch the video. And lo! Within moments, our somber mood lifted and we were ooh aah ing with the young chaps! As they kept commenting and explaining each scene to us, I could feel their feelings! Anticipation, a little fear, utter joy, awe of the sound of silence, sense of accomplishment et al. After an hour of this sharing, the boys looked at my husband and asked if he was ok. Had the pain subsided? Could he join them for dinner now? Was the Doctor good? Wow! Was that not a Two-Way Positive Interaction ? Sharing each other's time, interests , happiness, concerns , and feelings! All-round Feel -Good Feeling!!!

[sheelasanjeevi]

THE YIN - YANG DANCE

Nature's objective must be for life to keep flowing . Procreation and Preservation form the crux of this Dance . Different Life forms on earth have their own way of contributing to this flow. A New-born is the link in this eternal chain. It could be a baby; it could be an idea . Nature made this a joint responsibility of Two Basic Attributes . ' Nurturing Instinct ' and 'Providers Enterprise ' . The Yin and the Yang. The Yin and the Yang. Equal and Opposite qualities that are bound together as parts of a whole. Interestingly, it is said that when one quality reaches its peak, it will naturally begin to transform into the opposite quality . Human Beings, Man and Woman, have Also been endowed with intellect so that they can add value to the flow of Life ! For centuries the Man was predominantly Yang and the Woman Yin .So they divided their Labour Accordingly. He became the Bread winner and She the Nurturer. Over a period of time, as evolution happens, the Yin, the Woman has reached her peak and started morphing into Yang. And so the line of demarcation has begun to blur. The Woman has started realising that she is home equally to both the Nurturing Instinct and the Provider's Enterprise. That she can choose to employ either one of the attributes or combine strengths of the two at any given point of time. And She has started exercising that choice. If only we carried this intrinsic truth perspective to the so-called Feminism Phenomenon! All of us, Men and Women would look at this as a Natural Dance Flow of the Universe. We would stop fighting for Man-Woman equality; Men wouldn't consider Women a threat; Women wouldn't push themselves to Lean In . And so I think the need of the hour is to understand this eternal truth and educate both boys and girls on how to manage this Current Imbalance in Nature. Both need to know that the transformation of the Yin has already started and we are struggling to cope with the changes. The transformation of the Yang to the Yin is soon to follow and that will bring in its own set of challenges. We need to equip ourselves to work around that in the near future. Then we all, both the men and the women , together ,will be working on perfecting the art of participating in a Universal Dance. We will stop this Man Vs Woman thingy that we are wasting our breath on .

[sheelasanjeevi]

VIRTUAL REALITY

I watch my nephew landing planes in several difficult emergency situations. Engine failure just after take-off; A heart-attack patient on board , so land in a nearby smaller airport; Mid-air fuel dumping..... and on and on it can go. All these manouvers by a 20 year old; No expensive flying lessons, no heartaches!! Yup, there he is, sitting in front of me with his laptop! And he truly believes he is the Pilot. And then there are the other group games. A bunch of boisterous, smart kids all assemble equipped with their laptops and chargers. And lo and behold! The drawing room becomes a War Zone, a Football Field or a ...... Each kid has the "CONTROL" to make things happen the way he or she wants. As he or she chooses..... Today, in this Era of WORLD WIDE WEB, our children live in a bigger and more complex world than we even imagined, let alone experienced! And they start to believe that the Virtual is Real. This Generation KNOWS a lot more than we do . But this is just Knowledge. It is not yet tempered by EXPERIENCE . And Real Learning can happen only through experience. And they remain blithely unaware of this !! We, as Parents, have experienced life a little more . We may be mature enough to sieve through the WWW and pick out the valid stuff. Our children don't want to validate this truth. So we end up challenging each other rather than collaborating . Instead, we, the parents need to take up the responsibility of helping the children balance the Virtual- Real situations. How do we get into a win-win mode with our children? Best way is to make the first move. Go into their comfort zone and then take them along the path of Reality. We could start with participating actively with our children in their VIRTUAL WORLD and validate their space. Then we can create the opportunities to subtly help them with Reality Checks. Share our Life Experiences and Learnings so they can learn to see the demarcation between the Virtual and the Real. Show them where we hold the CONTROL Button and where we don't . We can help our children learn from floating in a Virtual World even as we root them strongly to the Real World!

[sheelasanjeevi]

HELPING CHILDREN STAND ON THEIR OWN FEET

I recently read an article on the psychological repercussions that 'Helicopter Parenting ' can have on children. Very insightful, very scary and very sad . Over zealous parents either proxy their children's activities or handhold them so hard that soon it becomes a habit to depend on others for one's minutest needs. Children become unable to think and act on their own lest they fail or fare badly. They start feeling inadequate when on their own which is a straight forward recipe for a fall in self- esteem. Parents need to balance between handholding the kids and giving them autonomy. When children are 5 + , we need to demarcate activities which they need to do on their own from those where parental guidance and support is needed . Let us remember that once the habit of dependence has set in, it is very difficult to unlearn it. We cannot, one fine day, expect them to be all grown up and become self-sufficient. Some may do this, but not all. So, sit down and write down a list of activities that your five year old goes through each day. Now, sort them out and see which ones you can train them to do independently. Start on one at a time. Don't worry about the result. Focus on and appreciate the effort. Help them make the right kind of effort. Don't judge their effort by your standards. Remember they are just beginners. You would be helping them learn the most valuable lesson of their life. To empathize , understand, appreciate and support! Help your children start making independent choices and learn that there will be consequences and they will need to take responsibility for the same. Support them in managing such consequences; don't manage it for them. This way, we can help our children learn to stand on their own feet-- mentally and emotionally; prepare them to take on life with self confidence and pride.

[sheelasanjeevi]

WHAT THE HEART SAYS

"Life is precious; Do not waste it doing anything that your heart does not respect or agree with" Leon Brown Thought trigger for the day, this was! How does one know whether the heart agrees or not? We are so busy sorting out the din of the mind, that we don't FEEL the messages from the Heart. I had become less intuitive in the last few years, I think. The Heart's whispers were getting drowned by the mind's clamor instigated by too much external stimulus. I was always a good balance between Intuitive and Practical. The Power of the Universe blending nicely with the Power in Myself. Somewhere along the line, this balance had been slightly disrupted. Why? How? Whatever, the need of the hour was to bring back that balance! This realization was a good wake up call. Then began the process of shedding the mind of unnecessary load. Ego, Knowledge, Authority, Expertise, Ambition et al. The quiet wisdom of the heart gets weighed down by such strong mind-stuff. Emptying out such toxins has cleared up my Communication Channel with my Heart. My intuitive self is mending and getting stronger. I AM READY , MY DEAR HEART!! SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!!