sheismei

[sheismei]

Dream big. Dream so big, others would call you delusional. Believe that every step you take serves to get you closer to where you want to be. Know that where you are right now, whether you're stuck, moving slow or simply thriving, is not the end. Your journey isn't over. There's more to do, more to see, more dreams to live. Have faith everything will work out in your favour, exactly in the way you need it to. Don't give power to your fears - let your dreams define you.

dream big / n.j.

[sheismei]

2023 is:

Regular facials, manis, pedis, massages, Brazilian waxes, lash lifts. Glowing skin. Glowy makeup. Fluffy curls. Microshaded brows. Laser hair removal. Perfect Rx Skincare. Veneers. Intoxicating perfumes. Shopping. Diamonds. Designer bags. Credit card rewards. International travel. Networking. Career certifications. Investing more. Brunch with the girls. Picnics. Farmers markets. Art galleries. Museums. Fresh flowers. Silk scarves. Big sunglasses. Beautiful lingerie. Silk robes. Receiving lots of gifts. Lots of sunlight. Hot yoga. Nature hikes. Tennis lessons. Green smoothies. Candles that smell expensive. Sleeping 8+ hours a night. Bubble baths. Studying foreign languages. Absorbing as much knowledge as I can. Book clubs. Pottery classes. Cooking with fresh herbs, vegetables, and spice. Champagne. Charcuterie & bruschetta. Gelato. Fresh bread. Ocean air. Hugging my loved ones. Pet cat. Giving lots of gifts. Journaling. Meditating. Gratitude. Volunteering. Donating to charity. Manners. Etiquette. Charisma. Therapy. Healthy boundaries. Radical personal responsibility. Positivity. Self care. Abundant love.

[sheismei]

[sheismei]

“You see - you’ve done it again. You’ve made it through another year. Whether you’re a fighter who suffers in silence or someone who shares their struggles with the world, you have over a hundred reasons to be proud of yourself. I hope you’ll never stop celebrating your victories, no matter how small they might seem to others. I hope you’ll find the courage to take that last step, to write that letter, to send that text. I hope you will be brave enough to change your life. What are you waiting for? Please don’t tell me you’re not ready yet. Truth is you will never feel ready enough to take a step out of your comfort zone. Something new will always be scary at first. If 2022 was for slow transformations and growth, 2023 will be about taking the leap. About the big jump - the falling, and the flying. Accept that you deserve something bigger, something better. You’ve got this.”

— hi, 2023 / n.j.

[sheismei]

When connections are real they simply never die. Real connections live on forever.

— Victoria Erickson, Victoria Erickson on Facebook

[sheismei]

Never beg anyone for anything, not time, not attention, not love – nothing. If it's always one-sided and it doesn't flow that's your sign to let it go.

[sheismei]

Normalize not forcing people to choose you. If they think they can find better elsewhere – let them. Respectfully.

[sheismei]

Maybe love really isn't for me.

I looked for it and they told me to wait. I waited for it, I risked for it but caused nothing but pain.

I am getting tired of giving and hoping that someone would actually fight for me, just for once. In all the relationship I had been through, I was always the one fighting, striving-- and eventually, I'm starting to feel tired not receiving back the same energy.

Maybe love really isn't for me.

Maybe not in this lifetime.

[sheismei]

We are all liars trying to be real.

[sheismei]

The best one I have so far, my little jelly.

She loved you, you know. You were the best friend she’s ever had.

— Bill Burke, Bridge to Terabithia

[sheismei]

Be so fucking proud of yourself for passing the hardest moments alone while everyone believed you were fine.

[sheismei]

“i just wanted you to tell me. when things were getting hard again, when all you felt was a whirlwind in your head, when you went out with girls who weren’t me. i wanted you to describe the people you fell in love with: why you loved them, how they treated you, if you still fight with yourself about if you are worth anything or not because they made you question your self-worth every day. i wanted you to tell me about the things they did right, about why they’re still in and out of your life, about how you ran into them in the supermarket the other day and you still felt something when you hugged them goodbye. i wanted you to tell me about all of the the mistakes you made and why you made them. i wanted you to introduce me to all of the monsters under your bed. i wanted to hear about the happiest you’ve ever been even if it wasn’t with me. i wanted to hear about your boss and your job and the new car you were thinking of buying. i wanted to see the two apartments you were looking at and try to decide with you which is better. i wanted to know about the times you’ve thought about driving your car off a cliff and the little moments that made you re-think it. i wanted to be there to celebrate your triumphs and admire your strength - i wanted to know everything about you so i could love you anyway. but i guess with you, i found out not everyone is like me. not everyone blurts out their whole life story every time they are given the chance. and i just wanted you to tell me who made you feel like you couldn’t open up, who hurt you so bad that you couldn’t let me in, somebody who honest to god, would have loved you no matter what. but i ask you how you are and you say “not bad” and then you ask about me and you wake up in another girl’s bed because you don’t know how to open up and you let me find out months later because you don’t know how to open up and you let me hear stories about you from other people because you don’t know how to open up and it’s just sad, how all i wanted was to help but you’ve never done anything but run from my love and i get it i guess some people are just more reserved and some people are afraid and some people don’t take people up on offers to talk about it even if the other person insists and you can’t force people to let themselves fall in love with you. you can’t force them to open up. but aren’t there things that make you want to scream? aren’t there things that make you want to cry? aren’t there things you are so passionate about that if you don’t let them out, you feel like you’re drowning? don’t you ever hear something and can’t wait to tell me? i guess what i’m trying to ask is if you really have so little passion or if you’re just not passionate about me.”

— we were sitting across from each other screaming, but i was the only one making a sound

[sheismei]

[sheismei]

“Here we go again, I think, as I pull you closer, letting you in, already preparing myself to throw you back out again. It’s always like this. It’s always been like this. I do not need you, I’m convinced, but once you’re over the threshold I’m too weak to tell you to leave. Nails scraping over skin, this is not what I want. Your breath in my hair, this is not what I need. But I don’t know how to be different around you. I don’t know how to talk to you, so it always ends like this. You once told me you would have me without my armour or you wouldn’t have me at all, so I decided to give you a secret every time you came over. Some of them were true, most of them were not. You created this person in your head, this stranger, made up of all the fragments I handed to you. You wanted an idea of me, someone who didn’t even exist. On some days I wished you would get to know me, really get to know me, and still decide to stay. On others I wished you would get to know me and decide I wasn’t worth coming back to. You might have thought you wanted all these details about me, but I don’t think that’s true. You never would have wanted what I had to offer, but I was fine with that. After all you were a liar, too. You told me you could stop seeing me whenever you wanted, but you’re still here. And I still open the door every time you knock. So at what point are we going to stop?”

— secrets & lies /  n.j.

[sheismei]

obsessed with houses that prioritise natural light

[sheismei]

“Everything about you and me was unclear. Indistinct. Back then I was sure of us, sure of myself, sure I knew what I wanted. I knew nothing. The lines were blurred and they had been blurred since our very beginning. We didn’t even realise we were overstepping them. Going too far was only ever just right for us and that’s why our ending was inevitable. Inevitable - but not final. Not tangible. Not clear. I found myself wondering if it was over when you were still looking at me like I’d put the stars in the sky and you hated me for it. When you still reached out to touch me but forgot to pull away at the last second. My friend asked me: “What is he to you?” and I found myself spiraling. “I don’t know,” I said and it was the truth. The only thing I knew for sure was that we were no good for each other. But why was I supposed to be the reasonable one when you kept dragging me back in? I didn’t know how to escape back then, but I know it now. I steer clear of people who make me feel like I can’t ever get enough.”

— indistinct / n.j.

[sheismei]

just how the hell do you do this? i always literally go berserk even with the slightest inconveniences HAHAHAHAHA.

train your mind to be calm in every situation.