i'll relinquish πππ ππππππ ... β where do you want it ?
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so i didn't catch up on my drafts, so much for the "follow back as i write responses" system i'd worked out.... nonetheless, i've decided that over the weekend i'll be migrating over and making the blog move official :') once that's done, it'll the same url and same nonsense as ever... maybe with actually writing now that i came back home from holiday and hopefully get back into the swing of things!
#trying to figure out if i wanna restart playing me1 or if i should just keep pushing through even tho i forgot where i am sidequest wise...#anyway i'll begin the refollowing in next couple days and will make an official archived/moving post so see yall soon!#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.
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psa!!! i have moved to a new blog that i am currently keeping off the radar/off of tumblr recommended -- i worked out a system where i'm slowly following back the mutuals i have here once i finish writing the drafts i owe to y'all. which i feel is making it very nice and low pressure for me π
once i've whittled down my draft count, i'll switch the urls back over so that i'm at this url again... so no huge rebrand or anything, and it'll be back to business as usual! i expect it to be a process of another month or two, so for any of my mutuals i haven't followed just yet: if i've got one of your drafts cooking, i promise i'm getting around to it! and for any new followers, that just means a potential delay on me getting around to looking at your blogs until i'm officially moved over.
after the move, i am going to be more selective going forward in the sense that i want to keep a cleaner dash, as well as to be actively plotting/building dynamics/writing with mutuals. "writing" is last on that list because i will never judge reply speeds, ic or ooc!! i do however want to have some intial ooc back and forth, a foundation to build narratives upon, and some active interest in building character dynamics/rships.
i'll expand on all this when i make the move official!
#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: ooc.#to be deleted.#just putting this on the dash again for anyone who's been waiting on things from me but hasn't seen me around for a bit!#tags from last post (additional context + info on how i'll run things next blog):#i was feeling stagnant on here + there was a lot of anxiety with some ooc conflict and in general negativity. fresh start HELPED sm#re: the actively building things with mutuals. i do not mind at all if we have only had a couple convos months ago/have one thread-#-or have smth planned that we haven't even started yet. if we have had even one ooc talk and smth to build on. we're solid!!!#but i do love character development and creating narratives and talking to ppl abt their muses. and i tend not to improvise threads#theres been times i feel like i've put in the energy and read Everything and threw out ideas/talking points and didn't get that back#and if im left on read or not rly given anything to work with. i will be honest. that does bum me out#during the last weeks on here ik i wasnt rly reaching out as much. and i'll be Changing that with the remake and a new environment!!#which means i potentially will have a quieter blog but that's not a problem for me. as long as im doing what i love!! which is shepard#well. writing him/talking abt him/putting him in a room with all yr muses. getting them into Situations together.#but also yes. (mike judge vc) i am Doing commander shepard#anyway yes long tags. and ive been almost radio silent on discord but given that month or two ill be back to the usual. heheheh#anyway. i will be breaking some mutuals at the end of working thru drafts/making the move. but it's less a 'we're over' thing and more a-#-'please follow only if you want to strike up a convo and talk/write/establish smth' type thing!#i promise my expectations for 'talk/write/establish smth' are not scary. just look at my reply speeds πππ#but yeah more on that later! see u all when i actually catch up on my drafts haha
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psa!!! i have moved to a new blog that i am currently keeping off the radar/off of tumblr recommended -- i worked out a system where i'm slowly following back the mutuals i have here once i finish writing the drafts i owe to y'all. which i feel is making it very nice and low pressure for me π
once i've whittled down my draft count, i'll switch the urls back over so that i'm at this url again... so no huge rebrand or anything, and it'll be back to business as usual! i expect it to be a process of another month or two, so for any of my mutuals i haven't followed just yet: if i've got one of your drafts cooking, i promise i'm getting around to it! and for any new followers, that just means a potential delay on me getting around to looking at your blogs until i'm officially moved over.
after the move, i am going to be more selective going forward in the sense that i want to keep a cleaner dash, as well as to be actively plotting/building dynamics/writing with mutuals. "writing" is last on that list because i will never judge reply speeds, ic or ooc!! i do however want to have some intial ooc back and forth, a foundation to build narratives upon, and some active interest in building character dynamics/rships.
i'll expand on all this when i make the move official!
#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.#i was feeling stagnant on here + there was a lot of anxiety with some ooc conflict and in general negativity. fresh start HELPED sm#re: the actively building things with mutuals. i do not mind at all if we have only had a couple convos months ago/have one thread-#-or have smth planned that we haven't even started yet. if we have had even one ooc talk and smth to build on. we're solid!!!#but i do love character development and creating narratives and talking to ppl abt their muses. and i tend not to improvise threads#theres been times i feel like i've put in the energy and read Everything and threw out ideas/talking points and didn't get that back#and if im left on read or not rly given anything to work with. i will be honest. that does bum me out#during the last weeks on here ik i wasnt rly reaching out as much. and i'll be Changing that with the remake and a new environment!!#which means i potentially will have a quieter blog but that's not a problem for me. as long as im doing what i love!! which is shepard#well. writing him/talking abt him/putting him in a room with all yr muses. getting them into Situations together.#but also yes. (mike judge vc) i am Doing commander shepard#anyway yes long tags. and ive been almost radio silent on discord but given that month or two ill be back to the usual. heheheh#anyway. i will be breaking some mutuals at the end of working thru drafts/making the move. but it's less a 'we're over' thing and more a-#-'please follow only if you want to strike up a convo and talk/write/establish smth' type thing!#i promise my expectations for 'talk/write/establish smth' are not scary. just look at my reply speeds πππ#but yeah more on that later! see u all when i actually catch up on my drafts haha
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if the events of m.ass effect 1 were not so time-constrained. shepard would spend the majority of it having the time of his life on pinnacle station
#aka I've been having the time of my life on pinnacle station. i just like beating times. i wanna place these events pre me1#ive been wanting to pad out his military career and i can see him having worked briefly under ahern at some point. i like the idea#actually i wanna go so far as to say that shepard's been to pinnacle station long before me1. as a special forces operative.#maybe during his early n7 training as a volunteer (he'll never say No to more combat) to test the simulator out in its. rougher stages.#can imagine that they squeezed some good data out of it sending him to the infirmary a couple dozen times over...#anyway working on snatching vidinos' gun from him. (shepard proceeds to immediately throw it in the normandys trash compactor)#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: ooc.#to be deleted.#many thoughts to be had...#i also like the idea that shepard hasn't had the Most contact with alien species due to most of his work being alliance-centric but somehow#every time he does work somewhat closely with aliens. it's turians. lmao. i hc the first alien he ever saw as a kid was another turian kid#funnily. probs the species he has Least in common with given the turian community/society oriented mindset vs his Extreme independence#balances it out actually. and now that i say that i think abt the fact that wrex complains abt krogans preferring to go off and fight-#-and do merc work rather than stay and rebuild krogan society and tuchanka. frankly. a lot like shepard's early me1 mindset. he's V krogan
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estimating (roughly) that i'll be back in action around 14 june!! very subject to change depending on how well i'll be feeling by then but making myself a lil deadline to encourage myself there π«‘
i've been quiet and doing a lot of resting up and healing... playing games, watching stuff, and also chattering away on discord. consider me on a sorta soft hiatus as i sleep and sleep and yap my days away!! i will try loading up my queue with ic stuff before i make an official return <3
#this estimation is based on nothing except a silly little guess at how long it'll take me to fix my sleep sched + rest my brain#my ooc messages have been piling and ive been storing them away for later... as have ppls answered asks and starters#i plan to continue them all ofc but i'm just. not in that headspace rn. this long term illness has got me srsly fucked up#thankful for my state's good disability insurance.. im at least able to live in the meantime π just a lil update!!#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: ooc.#to be deleted.
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u already know who it is
#sh sh sh shepard and the reds π΅ (theyre absolutely whaling on the fucker who taught shepard to drive. whoever it is)#credit @ z.airegardnerd ... i found it scrolling thru my shorts and it tickled me sm hehehe#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: ooc.#to be deleted.#funniest thing abt me is i Hate vehicular crimes with a burning passion. seriously unnatural passion. but shepard is like the Definition of#alternatively this is shepard and the crew in the mako LMFAO. he is running over Every cerberus logo he sees
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me when i love tragedy but also have delusions of being in the place of the protagonist and simply Not succumbing to the curse of said tragedies ...
#it would not be me. i would have Endured and i would have reaped all the benefits and none of the tragedy. i say thru gritted teeth#and with clenched fist and The utmost delusion. i love tragedy so much its like my fave way for a story to go but i get stupid angry at it#what do u mean u couldnt endure falling thru the holes of the systems/being abandoned by the adults that were supposed to protect u..#i think i rly lean towards stories and characters where the whole of u was carved in tragedy. from the failings of community/systems#so when i watch ppl just. crumble as theyre forgotten rather than survive and endure and overcome out of pure spite and refusal to die.#smth absolutely illogical in me starts barking in frenzy and upset. what do u mean u cant survive this. what do u mean u cant endure.#can we really be That abandoned. can a child really be down that That much. (the answer is yes but the answer pisses me off)#not saying what movie brought about this absolutely irrational mental response but it has a short story i need to spend today reading.#this has been a tone setter for today. maybe ill be queuing it up later here. ive got a shepard type of aggravation i need to unleash#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: ooc.#to be deleted.#despite shepard being The number tragedy experiencer and succumber...
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in lieu of a pride icon for shepard (who does not put labels to his sexual/gender identity bc any sort of internal reflection results in him having to confront the fact that his personal identity is just [radio static]). have this great descriptor that basically sums it up π³οΈβππ₯°
#usfw cw#maybe NOT 'the most charming mf' part#the rest however. perfect. friends shared this as part of a diff convo tonight and my brain said 'yoink that for shepard' so here i am#yes he can dance his ass off and yes he would fuck anything. would date anything. would form a crazy emotional connection with anything#anyway i Do describe shepard as queer. pan or bi are both fitting terms. you Could describe him as demiromantic tho he would not go so far#i just do not think he thinks abt it that much. he just looks at someone and is like yeah yr attractive. let's go for it#he does have some difficulties to overcome in same sex rships but physically rather due to any sort of internalised homophobia#and again. nb + agender yishai shepard is my golgotha. n usually he Never explores gender but certain ppl make him think abt it#when i say certain ppl i mean Two whole ppl and that's r.evan and daemos. and i love that so so muchhh#there's smth truly fulfilling abbt seeing ppl who reflect u. who r such sources of comfort and catalysts to exploring n finding yourself.#i have to make a hc post about sheps sexual history/history with intimacy and sexuality and personal identity as a whole. will i? not today#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.#to be deleted.#i WILL stop tomorrow. at least i'll do a little ooc posting cleanup. in lieu of writing ive just been thinking abt shep and talking abt him#im just. Tired and stressed and sick and that makes me not so much uninspired as it makes me unable to put words to drafts..#soon. Soon. grabs shepard by the throat and shakes him.#for now. when i finish this very spicy ramyeon. its good NIGHT for me (slept from 1am to 5pm yesterday thats why im up)
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he definitely does not seem like the type of guy, but Shepard's narrative is all about love actually.. not necessarily romantic but just Love in all forms, familial and platonic and love with all the lines blurred (I'm talking insane queerplatonic dynamics with crewmates. rships that border on excessive codependency if ppl let him in and let him push the dynamic to that point). about being changed by love and made Stronger by it, love being what gives him his power and sharpens his teeth and makes him a better and a much deadlier weapon than he would be without it...
for all his sharp edges (and his long trek from being no one's son, no culture's child, no one's anything... to finding the littlest niche in the little community of the Normandy, and what it means to care for said community, to slowly branching that learnt compassion outwards on a larger scale), Shepard is more About love than anything else
#i love love! ill always stand by this! i dont care if its platonic or romantic etc. and for shepard its hard at times to Explore love#bcuz hes so absolutely deranged and insane and obsessive about it. he is intense in his love. but it rly Makes him who he is#like. shep pre me1 to me is like. distrusting wounded animal prone to preemptively lashing out in a panic and frenzy to protect itself.#vs shep post late me1 is the guard dog thats healed and found itself smth to trust and bond to and to protect with its very life#its choosier about its bite but it is stronger and deadlier than ever. thats what love does for shep babeyyyyyy#to be deleted.#i slept all day but anyway thats my little thought for the day!#hey jude what brought about these thoughts? r.evan k.otor. lmao.#also got agars jane s.hepard swirling around in my thoughts .... ugugh eurgh im dyin here scoob (too much love in sheps and my heart)#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.
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The before and the after of how far I was able to get with Photoshop as far as matching the skin tone better but it's not enough... but I rly do need blender to help me blend the seam
shepard with freckles you Will be mine.
#if i learn blender and how to mod me1 imagine what i could do. i could give shepard arm hair.#idk how the game works bcuz that might . result in every other male npc getting arm hair. but a small price to pay...#after my psych appt today this migjt be what i do with my day. im sheparding it up#to be deleted.#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.
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shepard with freckles you Will be mine.
#downloaded blender the other night bcuz the freckle complexion i wanted to use has a seam between the scalp and face.. grr... i Will fix it#i will LEARN HOW. the texture was kinda lightening his skin a lil too fsr. no worries shepard. i will save u.#freckled and sunspotted shepard. he also does Not know abt the existence of skincare and is prone to patches of hyperpigmentation i think#he does not care. hes busy out in the sun. maiming and scamming and killing full time (more of the maiming + killing once he hits 18)#shepard loves his outside time. (barrels at full biotic speed into sb and turns them to splattered blood and guts against a wall)#to be deleted.#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.
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pride month. if you like shepard you're gay. at least a little. even if you're a cishet woman. you are now gay.
#gay as in broadly queer i mean to say. sorry to anyone whos into him on the basis hes a dude. hes actually a secret unknowable kinda thing#i will die on agender nonbinary yishai hill. this is my golgotha. jurys still out on afab transmasc.. we've been deliberating for ages#again it rly comes down to the storytelling.. someday we'll figure it out... callback to one of my ooc posts long ago on this blog#'any sex with shepard is gay sex doesnt matter who/what you are. its gay' or smth insane like that#this is due to the fact that he and i are insane#to be deleted.#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.
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ok. i love recruiting wrex and bringing him to kill fist, because of how i can get mad at him for going for the kill without my go ahead (yishai does not care that fist is dead... he killed fist himself this time lol, it's that wrex didn't wait or ask) but quickly getting over that because he fucks with wrex's loyalty and commitment to the job. and also bc wrex is probably his favourite me1 crewmate on a personal level and re: natural chemistry. but after playing it this way, i think this is might be my Preferred way of meeting wrex now
#id go with the 'what's the catch' option but the bizarre change of tone on the delivery for the 'are you serious' option is also great#shepards like. lmfao. what. genuinely shocked by wrex shoving him and then being like here u go! here's my money.#ultimately that makes him fuck w wrex even more.#i love shepard bc he's very touch averse and hypervigilant. but also the path to his heart can be thru playful violence/physical force#he'll shove people around (usually as a Threat) and wrex doing it to him? love that. keep doing that and he'll keep doing it back.#usually you have to get to a certain level with him friendship wise to be able to partake in friendly shoving and said playful force#and also he doesn't like it when it comes from someone who's doing it because they look down on him or think they can shove him around.#it works with wrex bc wrex is wrex. it isn't patronising. just krogan communication. he n wrex are equals + wrex is loyal to the mission#so shepard looks at it as like. a demonstration of strength/confidence. ykw i mean... just raw honest force. no kissing up. no pretence.#garrus going 'i dont like where this is going' and shep mentally going 'SHUSH' bc he and wrex r communicating on a diff level right now.#anyway sorry wrex i dont even know how much u gave me because my credits are maxxed out. oops.#READY TO FIND J'SKAR? \` * file: OOC.#to be deleted.#i'll translate this all to a proper dynamic/rship page someday instead of deleting it right into the void. i hope.
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every time shepard climbs behind the wheel of some sort of vehicle already has a high chance of injury/death for Someone but also. something about shepard on a motorcycle just Feels right...
#this is why i love tron au shep... anyway his life expectancy is already pretty fucked so. let him ride!!!#if he hadn't joined the alliance i think he'd snatch up whatever cheap bike he could and just hit the road for the while. get far away.#i also just want to put him in jeans and a beat up leather jacket and boots. is that a crime#to be deleted.#thats my singular jude thought of the day. good night (glances at clock. at........ 18:42). jk its gaming time#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.
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i've been quiet and doing a lot of resting up and healing... playing games, watching stuff, and also chattering away on discord. consider me on a sorta soft hiatus as i sleep and sleep and yap my days away!! i will try loading up my queue with ic stuff before i make an official return <3
#as if i haven't been kind of slacking on writing in general but. a week or two perhaps of RnR... as always i am open to IMs to plot stuff#i've mentioned i Will reach out to old and new mutuals eventually but. i am very bad at scheduling time to sit down and actually do so#i rarely will jump into interaction without setting up plot for an initial interaction though. i Do know i got a couple starters i owe#[my head turns 180 degrees like an owl towards miriam .. towards vinces a.nakin...]#as it is i currently have 38 drafts. save me.#to be deleted.#[lie] i Will write. (what i intend to actually do 2day is compile dozens of ref pics of shep from me1-me3 and throw them onto a sideblog)#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.
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Andrea Gibson,Β Lord of the Butterflies
#this got me fucked up constantly. i think about it all the time. core of this character tbh#musings.#to be tagged.
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thinking again about how easily moulded shepard can be esp if you catch him pre-mass effect 1.. thinks about how good he is at surviving and Enduring more than anything else... the complete irrationality and extreme limits he will go to when it comes to those he has handed his loyalty over to (for better or for worse). Finding friendship and faith in the Normandy crew and to people like Anderson made his story and narrative a good one and kept him in line but this was all coincidence. it could've easily been a miserable and horrific story
#t.ron uprising verse is very much an example of this (shep being loyal to the Wrong ppl) but luckily clu doesnt have a personal interest#otherwise shepard could become something very very scary. he has massive potential but often it takes another person to sculpt it into smth#if he had had better guidance and better emotional development as a kid it might not have been this way but the reds made him And ruined hi#pre-me1 shep closing himself off from the world is a cautionary measure to protect himself bcuz unfortunately...#he is prone to being manipulated and then bonding on a deep and codependent level with a manipulator bcuz he sees them as a Part of himself#if he had been the one to be indoctrinated he would've been so fucked .. like yeah mentally hed resist Very impressively at first but.#once nazara got in there and figured out how this fucky humans brain worked. i think it could build an insane and truly twisted bond.#i almost think indoctrinated shepard would almost be more dangerous than s.aren. he'd just be Willing to do more and to be pushed further#anger and impulsiveness and a fucked up sense of justice are what drive yishai. but you get a Lot out of him when you unlock devotion/love#which is why he drives it deep down inside himself and hides it for a whole decade. its dangerous stuff. unhealthy.#its also why shep is a huge fan of killing yr abuser but is wholly incapable of doing so himself. bc that's still Part of him. it Made him#thinks about the post citadel coup scenario im cooking with dax's brief cameo in me3...#yishais is rly at his core built to be a follower rather than a leader; forcing him to lead as cdr shepard does a lot for his growth but.#at the same time he is a follower in terms of absolute devotion to the crewmates and people he loves#his morals are tricky. but all u need to know is that morally he prioritises whats best for his buds and reshapes himself around them!#to be deleted.#at the end of it all hes mostly thinking about his friends. the war crimes were bad but he regrets those less than like. making garrus sad#hes a big weirdo who didnt ever learn to have a normal rship so now hes tying his identity inextricably to the people around him..#try finding that on government paperwork. \` * file: HEADCANON.#another day in yappersville βοΈ \` * file: OOC.
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