shewaitsandloves

[shewaitsandloves]

I get really quiet when I feel the need to cry because it’s so embarrassing. I can’t get angry, I just get sad. I feel this intense pressure behind my eyes and my face. I feel all this emotion build up in my body and it just rushes through me.

I fucking hate how sensitive I am. Nobody can tolerate me. I just get quiet because I wish I could change. I wish I wasn’t this way. Like I said I’m earlier post. I’m broken.

[shewaitsandloves]

I am broke in so many forms of the word. I have no money because I’m irresponsible. I have an over functioning heart. I’m constantly thinking, thinking of all the ways I’m going to get hurt and trying to find ways to shield my tattered heart from combusting again. I love too much that I lose my own self in the process. I give, give, give until there’s no more of me left. I’m left walking on egg shells so afraid of doing something wrong. I’m a burden. I just emotionally weigh too much. I’m in a constant fear because if I’m 100% honest I’m unlovable. I may just be incapable of being in a relationship because I’m overwhelming, I’m frustrating, I’m a failure.

[shewaitsandloves]

My whole life, I've felt like a burden

I think too much, and I hate it

I'm so used to being in the wrong, I'm tired of caring

Loving never gave me a home, so I'll sit here in the silence

[shewaitsandloves]

No offense but I want to fall in love with someone who wants to fall in love with me

[shewaitsandloves]

So many churches are raising young people to see the Holy Spirit as a force that primarily exists to make you “feel things” in worship. That you know you’ve been Touched™ because you have goosebumps and feel like crying or whatever.

I’m not downplaying the emotional impact an encounter with the spirit can illicit. That’s real. But when we place such an emphasis on our human response, we can make people who don’t experience these heightened emotions feel like they aren’t being filled with the spirit.

I’ve seen it happen before. “I felt nothing in worship”, “I’m in a spiritual rut”, “Why aren’t I being filled?”. The spirit is so much more than what you feel on a Sunday. Look at your fruits, look at God’s work in your life. That’s where you’ll find evidence of the spirit.

[shewaitsandloves]

[shewaitsandloves]

Tiger  Beach  by Vincent Cecil

[shewaitsandloves]

“Realize that to know Christ you must lead a dying life. The more you die to yourself, the more you will live unto God. You will never enjoy heavenly things unless you are ready to suffer hardship for Christ. Nothing is more acceptable to God, nothing more helpful for you on this earth. When there is a choice to be made, take the narrow way. This alone will make you more like Christ.”

— Thomas a Kempis (via contrariansoul)

[shewaitsandloves]

[shewaitsandloves]

Everything in my heart wants to believe it’s you but it doesn’t make any sense. Love is sacrifice and i love you. I want you to see Jesus even if I never get to speak to you again. It’s the hardest realization I’ve ever had.

[shewaitsandloves]

[shewaitsandloves]

[shewaitsandloves]

[shewaitsandloves]

[shewaitsandloves]

[shewaitsandloves]

I needed this.

“When you love someone, when you really love someone, waiting is easy. I mean, of course you miss them and you want to talk to them and you want things to happen quickly, but this isn’t how it works. You can’t stop thinking about them, even in the busiest hours of the day. You wish for a miracle, or looking for signs and random quotes that they are the one. That this love is not on your mind. That it is real. That waiting is worthwhile. And you countdown the days to see them again, or you watch their social media profile hoping they will post something about you, even if you have decided to not “like” it, because you let them go. And I know that deep down, in your heart, you want as much as anything else in the world, for them to come back to you. You hope that you are their one and that by almost loosing you, they will realise how awesome you are and how much they want you in their life. That this time, they will make the effort to put you there. And, just like fairytales, they will fight to keep you and prove they totally deserve you. Otherwise, you know that you will have to let them go. And that time, forever. And I know that love sometimes means letting go, and being happy for them even if they don’t love you back, because this is what love does, but it’s gonna hurt. If something like that happens, it’s gonna hurt. And guess what; you can’t do anything to stop it. Because in the end, everything happens for a reason and things are the way they are supposed to be, so if they don’t come back, they are not meant for you. So you wonder what you should do. And how to stop thinking about it. Well odds are you can’t. If you love them that much, if it’s deep and real love, you can’t. You see them everywhere. You pray for them. You talk to them in your mind. You wonder what they are doing each moment of the day. And you wish for them to realise they love you as soon as possible. But it doesn’t work like this. Everything will happen when the time is right. When you’re both ready. When you are mature enough, to understand that only together you can be yourselves. And until then, you have to wait. You have to wait but if you love them, waiting is worthwhile. And easy. So, as long as you are waiting, try to do something else. Focus on yourself and be more you. Find new hobbies or make some changes or generally, do things you love. Take care of yourself. Find the most you possible and be ready. While you are waiting, that’s what you can do. Be ready for them. Not only physically, but emotionally. And when you have truly found yourself and radiate the most you possible, they will realise. They will come to find you. If they really love you. They will come back. And try to win your heart. But you should be patient. They have to realise your worth. So they have to be patient too. They have to prove you they want you back. They have to gain your trust day by day. And finally, they have to prove they deserve your heart and they will protect it. And you can accept them back to your life. Because, if after all this time they still love you, and they try to catch your attention and gain your trust, that means they deserve you. It means that your love is real. That you belong to each other. That you are meant to be together. But right now, you don’t know that. Truth is, you can never know. So you just hope and trust your instincts and believe in the feeling in your heart and wait. Just remember, that love comes to find you the moment you stop looking for it.”

— moonstone-girl