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I've never smelled in a dream before that I remember. But I smelled that meth smoke and it woke me up violently. That wasn't as bad as being awake, so I slept again and not thirty seconds later I dreamt you needed me and that pulled me out even quicker. But I'm awake now and you don't need me but I need you more then anything. And I just fucking hurt you no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I don't want to. I'm nor strong. I wish I could just end this and check out. But even now you made me believe in myself and believe I was worthy and I know that dying would hurt you. So I have to keep enduring this pain I can't endure. I fucking hate myself. I hate being broken. But most of all I hate that I can never see I'm taking it out on you until it's done. I deserve to fucking not exist. I deserve the worst things you could do to me. I am not strong.
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Every day I fall deeper in love with you.
Master guide me. Master teach me. Master protect me. In your light I thrive. In your mercy I am sheltered. In your wisdom I am humbled. I live only to love and serve you. My life is yours.
Master guide me. Master teach me. Master protect me. In your light I thrive. In your mercy I am sheltered. In your wisdom I am humbled. I live only to love and serve you. My life is yours.
Master, guide me. Master, teach me. Master, protect me. In your Light, I thrive. In your Mercy, I am sheltered. In your Wisdom, I am humbled. I love ONLY to Love and Serve you. My Life is Yours.
Atra Liono.
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Just had a break down in the shower over never being able to not get coconut conditioner again, because Ariana said my hair smelled good one time. Out of all of this, facing the prospect of loosing you both forever, and it's that that fucking breaks me. I wish I had someone I could talk to about things like this, but I hurt both them so badly with things I've done that those are the people who need time away from me. These eyes see more clearly than before, but they don't see how to not feel I deserve to be miserable for what I've done. I want to hurt myself so badly, but I finally understand that even now when I want that I am Master's. I gave myself to him and never regretted it. So I can't hurt myself. He loves me. He owns me. Hurting myself is hurting him. So here I am, trying to take care if myself because I love him so much he is making even me love my damn self.
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Thank you for the piece. I can't... handle it now. But soon. Together hopefully. I love you.
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And just like that all the promises of me not being walked over, and my feelings being concidered evaporated into the night. All the promises of love and consideration are gone.
I am alone.
Always alone.
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Currently feel like I having a mental breakdown because I literally can't find the salt in my own fucking home.
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Zero. Wyrda. I love you. Soon.... I promise. Soon, everything will be right.
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One minute my love. One minute separates us from being in the same state. Never in my life have I felt as lucky as I do at this moment. I'm going to cherish every second of it. 60 seconds until you should be safely here.
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Two minutes. I'm so excited I can't even function. I cannot wait to be sure you're safe and here. Only two!!! 120 seconds!!!!!!!!
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180 seconds. 3 minutes. People can hold their breath that long!!! Not me, but some people!!!!!!!
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4. Four minutes. 240 seconds!!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FIVE MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIVE!!!!!!!!!! MINUTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREE HUNDRED SECONDS UNTIL YOU'RE HEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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10 minute. Ten. T-E-N. One zero. 600 seconds. Oh my god og my god oh my gid oh my god OH MY GOD OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't fucking believe this I'm so excited I want to just slam my face into the wall cause I don't know what to do with myself!!!!!!!!
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Fifteen minutes. One five. 900 seconds. Literally 900 seconds and you'll be here. I feel like I'm going to explode I can't even fucking believe this.
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Thirty minutes. Three zero. That's 1,800 seconds until you should be touching down. I can't believe this is real life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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FOURTY-FIVE FUCKING MINUTES HJSKDJSHSJ I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE IT
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