sidhaxitachi

[sidhaxitachi]

persona

ch3

Lucas

Perhaps," I say, hanging my head away from her. and wait for her to speak.

I should leave, but I don't want to, despite the fact that I feel like I should be her. I shift my gaze to her. Her eyes flit up to mine, but she doesn't raise her head. She doesn't even crack a smile....she just Stares

I'm sure she's not shy. I could tell she had sass from the way she spoke, so I'm a little perplexed by her silence right now. I take a deep breath and swallow hard, keeping silent eye contact with her the entire time. I wish I could say I'm planning a big speech on how wonderfully descriptive she is, but I'm not. I have a one-track mind, it appears. And that path takes me right to two things I shouldn't be thinking about right now.

Her mouth was pursed.

Something itched in my stomach as I saw how they moved when she spoke and unconsciously licked them. I understand. I'm pitiful. If we're just going to stare at one other, it'd be good if we were all over each other. With her white coat on top, she's wearing a long-sleeved shirt that leaves everything to the imagination.

Of course, this thinking also brings me to her breasts.

A minute, maybe two, has passed. Observing her as she observes me. She doesn't appear to be furious. She doesn't appear to be terrified. Her gaze begins to descend slowly until it reaches my shirt. She looks at it for a few moments before moving her sight to my arms, shoulders, and face. She comes to a halt as she reaches my hair. What exactly is she up to?

"Are you mentally undressing me?" I taunt her, and she blushed more like she was embarrassed because I was correct. I laugh, even though I'm still trying to figure out whether she has a great deadpan wit or no personality at all. The line between the two is blurry, but I'm guessing it's the former. At least, that's what I'm hoping for.

She's adorable.

"If you wish," She dismisses it.

She asks, "How old are you?"

"How old are you?" Instead of responding, I ask her a question.

"I was the one who questioned first."

"However, what if you're older than I am?" Isn't that a turnoff for females? Dating guys younger than them?

"Dating? Please..." she scoffs as if it's the most ridiculous thing she's ever heard. "You don't even know what my name is."

"A man's got to seize the moment." "I finish "is kind of my motto."

today, of all days, I was not anticipating this. To be standing here and striking up a conversation with a stranger. I was exhausted when I first came in, and even though it was past midnight,

I couldn't get Lisa's face out of my head. I feel horrible for not visiting her more often because she is all I have, her face drenched in sweat and her husband trying to calm her. I needed some space, so I dashed up here, lost in my thoughts, just in time to witness someone frustratedly tearing their hair, but I couldn't see her clearly. She was gazing down. She was engrossed in her thoughts, and as I got closer, I realized her pen was falling off. I picked it up and handed it to her, my stomach lowers when she looks up at me. My heart feels as if it is melting within the boundaries of its chamber.

It was kind of cute when she believed she was about to die. but her figure is much more beautiful from the front.

"So, I've learned ." With a roll of her eyes, she commented.

"Does that make it a yes or a no? Women prefer males that are older than them."

Despite her reservations, she took a step back, and I found her smiling.

"I'm not sure about other people, but I'm not bothered."

"Are you serious? That's great." As I shifted my gaze to the metropolis, I said

[sidhaxitachi]

persona

Ch 2

ALARA

 Treating patients can be tiring but is ultimately rewarding. Sitting in a room for 8 hours a day and people come, tell me their problems hoping I will solve them makes me feel important and secure. When one opts for medicine, they are not opting a career option that is like any other. At a time when their peers are settling in their respective careers, they are consumed in thick medical books, preparing for their upcoming exam. When their peers are going the family ways, they are busy working the 18-hour shift. Look at me now instead of enjoying with Alex on normal times of the day I am here, drinking coffee with no sugar or milk As I sit here with one foot on either side of the ledge on the rooftop.

 My point is sometimes the best gifts come in surprising packages.

 “Ahh, touché” I commented tasting my coffee as alcohol

I think about death a lot. Particularly today, considering I just saw a 15-year-old die, he almost made it but almost is never enough .It is never easy to contemplate the end of life, whether it’s our own experience or that of a loved one. At this rate I don’t think I will have a heart, the kid died Infront of me but not a single tear shed my eyes. It was as if I knew about it  or I’m used to it, well the latter was the most appropriate one.

It was a mass suicide a 15-year-old and his parents, however the rescue team got there at time it was too late for the kid and his mother. Its funny how people even have thoughts of suicide don’t they get scared about how much it will pain or what could they have if they were little patient, a little hopeful just a little so that they wouldn’t have destroyed a young life with theirs and how they ultimately come to the decision to just end their own lives. Do they ever regret it? Now how will the father live knowing completely well he is the reason why they are not alive; he might have not been the reason but being the only survival, he is going to blame himself which he should. When I had to walk into the waiting room and tell him that his child and wife didn’t make it, I didn’t feel an ounce of sorrow for him. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to feel the weight of his doings or his wife’s , it doesn’t matter at this point because of their sentimental decision the child lost his life.

Jesus Christ, I am going straight to hell

Looking down from twenty stories above, here I’m thinking about suicide. It's beautiful tonight the sky is clear enough to literally feel the grandeur of the universe.

Does it make me feel good? Important? Not really, I’m not much of a nature person, analysing its beauty or finding it anything more than beautiful. It's just normally fine for me.

Its either

I like the weather or not

I didn’t account for how cold it would be up here, though. It’s not unbearable, but it’s not comfortable,

 Either.

I like the weather or not

But I didn't factor in how cold it would be up here. It's not unbearable, but it's also not pleasant. Tonight is one of my favorite nights.Well . . . let me rephrase this so that it more appropriately reflects my feelings in the past tense as I finally allow my eyes to fall on my case study book. I haven't been able to concentrate so well, feeling the frustration build inside me I start taking notes.

"Yours," someone says behind me.

When I hear the voice, I jerk back, almost falling off the ledge. The brief rush of adrenaline that hit me when I wasn't paying attention fades, and all I can think about is how I could've died.

I slowly open my eyes, puzzled as to how he got in and nearly killed me. I looked down at what he had to offer.

Is that a pen? It's my pen.

"Ah...Yeah," I blurted out. "thank you."

Meeting his gaze, I took the pen not knowing how it fell probably when I was fucking dream of suicide or when planning to kill Regina.

The man stands Infront of me giving me a questioning look as if knowing even though if I fall off the edge I wouldn't die as five feet down there was a balcony.

Dramatic. As I take him in, Even leaning over, I can tell he's tall and while most people are taller than my five-foot-four, he goes way beyond that. He's wearing a black turtleneck and pants with an open black cashmere coat. It could be the color, or the length of the coat, which reaches his knees, but he appears to be stylish, sophisticated, and reminiscent of an eighties model. His features are gentle, but he has prominent cheekbones, giving him a dark academic aspect that is difficult for most people to carry off.

He acknowledges me with a nod.

"Who are you?"He gives me another puzzled look, and I lower my voice by clearing my throat. "What I mean is, how did you get in?"

Shifting from one foot to other He lifts his chin a little and nudges his head toward the direction of the door. Of course, where else would he get in from. I hated my voice right now; it sounds too weak to even reach his ears from here.

"Is this area just for the staff?" he inquired, his tone solemn.

He has one of those deep, confident, and slightly smoothing voices. I can hear his voice from one ear to the other and feel it in my stomach. That is not acceptable.

I look down at my seated legs and hop down.

" yes" I stated going near him that's when I noticed his eyes. They are an intense shade of gray that's bordering on black. Due to the moonlight, it's hard not to notice it. The color of his clothes could be intensifying their appearance, though. The fact remains that they're too...comfortable to look at. You know when something or someone is so beautiful it aches inside to look at them? That's this stranger. Peering into his eyes, however bizarre they are, hits me with a feeling of inferiority that I can't shake off.

I expected him to smile or even offer a nod in return.

He doesn't.

For a few seconds, his sad eyes penetrated mine. The exhaustion that washed over him was visible in his eyes. He appears to be depressed. Then he turns around to leave.

Just like that.

Oh god please don't go

" You can stay." I don't know how I found my voice but no matter how attractive this man is, I seriously do pity him. I am doing a good deed I reminded, well becoming a doctor wasn't good enough. He turns back to his place where he was "this is a place for depressed people anyway." I say, A fleeting smile appears on his mouth and disappears just as quickly.

He leans towards the railing and faces the city.

"Are you a doctor?" he asks.

I nod. He doesn't look away from the city, but I have a feeling he knows I am but asked me out of courtesy, I mean off-course I am wearing the white coat with my name on it. Dr. Alara brown. People usually claim that once you become a doctor, your life is set. How come my life hasn't been set yet, and why am I still searching for my rightful place? Looking up at the stars, I realize how small they are from here, but they still make the sky look as lovely as it does now.

" Beautiful night huh?" I involuntarily started the conversation " it would have been even more beautiful if I had gotten my long-awaited opportunity today. I worked hard but to no avail, guess hoes before hard workers" I continued not sure whether he is listening or not.

I sigh

" Can you imagine being an apprentice and not getting the chance to even work? I am not even surprised at this point. Staying up all night studying knowing you're not as smart as the other kids but had to work your ass ten times harder" before I could figure out, I was rambling my life problems to a stranger who practically haven't heard a single word I said I turned to find him looking at me with a look I couldn't understand which is bad because I am always good at reading faces. After a few seconds, just when I thought he would ignore my words and turn back to enjoy his view he muttered with a straight face.

" I am not good at the advice; can I interest you with a sarcastic comment ?"

Did he just.

Silence

"Was that a friend's reference?" I ask, a bit stun

Silence again, he just kept staring at me.

Okay what

"...some cheese." He replied with a poker face

Hearing him say it, I burst out laughing. With a straight poker face, no one has ever made a reference like that before. He smiles as he raises his hand in surrender. I've finally gotten that smile, and as beautiful as it is, I'll never be able to get used to it. The man extends his hand across to take my hand.

"I am Lucas," he says, "Lucas hasting." 

I shake hands back, oblivious to the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I attempt to hide how sweaty and shaky I am.

"Hello, Lucas Lucas hasting," I recommend concentrating solely on him.

Lame Alara, lame 

"Ha Ha Ha" He exhales heavily and smiles tightly as though he's just heard the lamest joke ever.

I turn back to look ahead and take a deep breath out slowly. "So, Lucas, what brings you here?" "It's past midnight."

He lets out a long sigh and runs his hand through his hair. He opens his lips to speak, then quickly closes it again. He pauses for a moment, then begins as though what he is about to say is the most innocuous thing imaginable. "My sister has cancer," 

Silence, Jesus Christ. I wasn't prepared for something so heavy. I can't imagine what he and his family must be going through. Cancer is one of the most lethal diseases known to mankind. Regardless of how benign or cancerous it is. I couldn't think of anything to say to make him feel better.

"I watch people dying every day," I said hesitantly.

With a tiny shake of his head, he expresses his dissatisfaction with the situation. "You have the upper hand." As he establishes eye contact with me once more, he says

"Give me another one," he continues, "so I can feel less depressed."

 "Are we now playing a game?" I stammer, attempting to avoid looking at him. It's difficult not to be enthralled by his attractiveness, the way his lashes flutter and his eyes crinkle at the side when he smiles.

Oh my goodness, Alara. When was the last time you got laid? You sound like a horny adolescent.

[sidhaxitachi]

persona

Ch-1

Alara

“Together?” I asked.

“Together” he answered and took my hand in his.

……………

Those who lose their loved ones early, lose their peace. The left side is always bleeding, they grow up very early like me or they die early like my father.

 It's dark here

Where am I?

Am I drowning?

  My lungs feel clogged, I couldn’t breathe maybe I could but right now all I felt were the harsh waves ,stabbing every cell in my body. I expected to come back up, and I did. But each chance of breath became further apart, each breath less than the last. Before I go under this final time, I know I have been kissed by the sun for the last time. I knew I was going to die. It’s funny how  People have a weird and sick way of romanticizing forms of death. It’s all ugly and it’s all hurt but when you stop feeling, it's worse. I know this feeling well. I have known it since my childhood, but I can’t break through it. My hair floated upward, and the sunlight was getting further away. That’s when a hand found my arm and pulled me up.

 snapping my eyes open, panting heavily in this dimly lit room I stared at the ceiling.

Was…all that a dream?

I scoot back against the headboard, pulling my legs to my chest and wait for…what? A sign that I don’t have the sort of depraved mind that fills me with those types of nightmares.

Those cold heavy waves pierced my skin like thousands of knives. My hair floating, the struggle of trying to get out, the f-feeling.

Gosh keep it together, Alara it was just a dream. A nightmare

Calming myself I took my time to notice the teary eyes glancing at me with worry and terror. At that sight my whole world turned upside down. I don’t care about my pain but the terror in his eyes, that he felt right now for me broke me. He is scared.

“ Rara? Are you alright?” he said with a timid voice, wiping away his tears with his tiny hands.

Looking at him hesitantly, I nod my head

I smiled

“Off-course baby, I am.” I said, voice hardly coming out. Giving me those puppy eyes, he broke down, I looked at his figure sympathetically and wondered why he hasn’t gotten used to it this time, why have I not gotten used to it.

“It’s alright Alex, it’s not the first time that it happened right?” I asked to hug him as tight as I could, he is the only peace I have.

“Yea rara I know but you always look in a lot of pain when you sleep.”

“it’s called a nightmare sweetheart” I chuckle as I felt him snuggled into my chest

“Just a bad dream” currently I didn’t know whether I was consoling him or myself.

Hearing the alarm clock ringing Alex groan.

“Come on, it's already time. Ugh'' he cried dramatically

“Well, it is now thanks to me.” Putting Alex to the side I walked towards the washroom. My body was drenched with sweat.

“My heart is still pounding” I said as I felt the palpitation going high against my palm. Stripping off my pajamas, I stepped inside the shower.

“Hmm.feels good” I stated as I turned the water to lukewarm and leaned forward , my hands against the wall, the water splashing down my back as I thought about the dream, taking all the time I needed, I got out and changed.

“Alex, baby listen today I won’t be coming till 11 alright” I informed, drying my hair

“Huh. Why? Don’t you want to play with me? U hardly spend time with me” he complained

Signing heavily, I said “off-course I want to play with you, but baby isn’t rara s school important too and today I have to study with Leona cause our exams are near. ” seeing his face dropped I added “ but I promise to take you out this weekend”

“Promise?”

“promise” I confirmed

“But also, you have to promise me that YOU will not by all means not cause any trouble?” I asked

Looking at me for a while he innocently said

“You have a lot of buts you know but sure I promise to not cause any trouble”

Chuckling at this comment.

“It clearly is not what u MEAN”

-----

 “IT'S CLEARLY NOT WHAT YOU SAID” I frowned my eyebrows stressfully as Leona complained.

“Leona, please we cannot go out today.” I remarked putting on my white coat.

“Lara, I already asked Dr. Park to do my shift tonight. And I can ask Lexi to do yours.” She kept suggesting ways to convince me. “ I am really tired, and I have no time for clubbing.” Smiling at her sarcastically I muttered loudly.

“You really don’t get it do you?” Christina practically whispered. Looking at her suspiciously, my eyes found Leona who was trying to shut Christina up.

 “Dr. Brown '' before Leona could say a word, we were interrupted. Ah Dr. Ace, a 40-year-old single man. Rumor has it, he's been married for four times now and just got divorced recently by a girl who can be as old as his daughter. Looking at him just makes me want to arrange that ugly little face of his but he is my boss . For some old reason he is just never on the same page with Christina, whenever she has an opinion on one of our patients, he would dismiss her saying young girls shouldn’t talk much but Christina isn’t any less she would bravely stand up for any wrongdoings of his.

   “ Yes Dr. Ace?” I questioned worriedly, as blood dripped from his hand. “ You are needed in the ER at an instant. Go.” He stated,

“ No sir, I am supposed to be in the OR in 15 mins. I am going to assist Dr. Williams today. If you may have mistaken.” I pointed out proudly with a tiny smile.

“ No Brown I am not mistaken, your needed in ER and Dr. Regina will go to the OR instead of you today.” He stated sternly and left, leaving me hung. I tried stopping him only to be rejected again. Stopping near the staircase I looked up only to find Regina smirking at me, a sudden pain increased in my chest I felt like throwing up. I always fuck everything up. I leaned against the wall as Leona neared me.

“ Are you alright Alara? Take some water.” She offered

“ Now you believe me that stick candy is sleeping with him, '' Christina exclaimed with a lollipop in her mouth. Since day one she never got along with anyone, I wanted this opportunity from the start, and I worked my ass off for it. Doing late night shifts for 13 hours extra.

If looks could kill, she would be dead as a beat right now. Glaring at her for the last time, I quickly jogged upstairs, ignoring the calls of Christina and Leona.

Before entering the ER, I waited upstairs patiently as I tried to wash away the thought of killing Regina. Putting on a fake smile I entered the hall only to find it all floated with patients , I wondered while waking to the receptionist.

“ Are all the hospitals on leave today?” I asked, looking around , hearing me speak she turned. “Oh Dr. Brown, good morning, here.” Giving me the list of patients, I will be attending today. Sighing heavy, not only is it going to be a long day but it’s going to be a hard one too.