siecobaina

[siecobaina]

me when i accidentally socialize in a way that makes me seem not only autistic but really dismissive and also rude

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slept with a guy and got SO SICK afterward bc i’ve never exchanged this much dna with someone or something KMS

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i don’t think men will every understanding what it is to be a woman but it’s important they understand what it is to be human and see women as such

trans people are excluded from this statement because of the different socialization. for me i think you need consistency in biology and socialization to constitute the ignorance of the others experience, in that case i believe trans people are inherently more understanding people

[siecobaina]

im going to throw up, this guy wants me dead.... WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU WANT TO CALL ME RN OMG .....TAKE A HINT ..... I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOUR ASS.......

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is art more meaningful than life?

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ummm rewatching euphoria and why are all the conversations giving lobotomy.... of course this is written by a man who has never heard teenage girls talk

[siecobaina]

i’ve realized my parents have better emotional regulation than me, not just because they have each other, or are living a good life, but because they have the internalization that they play a role in a family. My father knows he is a father and husband, my mother knows she is a mother and wife. (Let me add that I am not championing any patriarchical/traditional values of the family onto those that do not wish it, and besides my parents are both extremely androgynous in a way and subvert the « traditional » family in many ways on their own) Meanwhile, I am hardly comforted by the thought of being a daughter and sister. Maybe this comes from a fear of being inadequate at this role, but i also think it’s because i somehow perceive these roles as passive: I didn’t not choose to be a daughter or sister the same way you choose to be a wife or mother. I am against the idea of « letting your man think for you », and perhaps this is not entirely relevant, but i do admit that even going on a date with a guy brings me a sort of social comfort because it makes me feel like I am validated in relation to someone else. It drives away that loneliness and anxiety that deregulated my emotions so often. I don’t mean to say that I need men to feel validated, I think it comes from a place of genuine human connection; for example, I feel the same effects when a girl acknowledges i am her friend.

Is this a familiar experience for anyone else?

[siecobaina]

posted a youtube comment and a bunch of people started to misinterpret it and sent hate replies...

i was considering deleting it but i kind of don't gaf like... i put 0 effort into my youtube comments

it's like if a took a shit and then suddenly a bunch of people started hating on my shit. it is a shit. i do not care if you think my shit is bad.

[siecobaina]

jeremy strong could lowkey play albert camus

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the new yorker has such an insane quality discrepancy between articles and cartoons...

[siecobaina]

just had the most insane relationship dream with someone i can never have

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being unemployed will have you going on dates with guys you don't even like. lord help me get a job

[siecobaina]

genuinely think this is the summer of going home. all of my friends are visiting the homeland.

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i want to listen to aphex twin regularly so bad but the album covers freak me out 😭😭😭

[siecobaina]

i HAVE to isolate myself during finals week or else all of my friends and family will know just how suicidal i get under stress and that will be so embarrassing

[siecobaina]

I’ve been getting so emotional nearly every time I have to face any one of my professors. The urge to cry comes so easily. I feel like dying nearly every time I have to think about my workload. I feel the urge to just call it quits and fly home and enjoy my summer. 

The urge to die is getting stronger because I feel as if my art has no conviction. I feel like I am living my life weak-willed and with no purpose. What can I add to the world aside from being something weak and unsure?

I feel like we are living within a post-art world. Now that it is so easy to record things we create using digital tools, they are losing meaning. Film was more special when it was on a reel, photos more special in an album, paintings more special on a canvas. Now everything is a skeuomorphic text. Now we live in a neoliberal achievement society.

I kind of wish there was a way I could choose to die that isn't so violent. Like I wish I could just stop living if I wanted to

[siecobaina]

remembering a reel i saw with the caption "me when i realize that homophobia is a result of colonialism" and then all the comments were like "What? How??" like i thought it was pretty obvious...

am convinced you need to be a little bit schizophrenic to be a good academic because how else are you supposed to make those connections that no one else has