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We looked inside some of the posts by sillybutbreakable and here's what we found interesting.
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i want to disappear every day.
BUT! what if i didn't. what then
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i know i need to want to get better.
to be kind to myself...even when i'm miserable.
to remember that living is worth it even when it's wretched
how do i remember that again...? how do i remember to do that...?living miserable is worth it....how do i convince myself of that...i need to remember living miserable is worth it to see the ocean again. to see art i never could have imagined. to make my friends laugh. to hold a mahjong tile in my hands. to eat my favorite foods again. to hear rain again. to pet a cat. to see what chaos the olympics will be. to play haunted chocolatier (lmao). to feel a cool breeze that makes the temperature perfect. Even if i'm miserable forever, it's worth it for that. its worth it to still live.
#i may not be wretched forever but even if i am....*long weary sigh* i still have to live#how wretched...lol...moments of relief will come...and even if they are short they will be relief....#i dont know...
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as a kid, whenever i was in pain- physically or mentally, I would imagine myself as a dying animal alone in a forest with trees so tall that sun can't reach the ground. In a world where no other living things exist- or at least, no other living things can reach me. And I'm fatally wounded, lying on the ground with no way to put myself out of my misery. all I can do is lay there, slowly dying, alone, and quiet, and the air is cool and blue and soft, and i just lie there.
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and everyone is better off for it. existing in the world without me. its how it should be
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black hole in my chest. like a collapse from the inside out
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i cant seem to think beyond wanting to become nothing. and its wretched..
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sometimes i just…look around…and am suddenly struck so clearly with the thought that ‘I don’t belong here’. So clearly in my mind like it’s a universal truth. I’ll be looking at my friends, at my surroundings, at passerby’s, and so suddenly I’ll be so sure that im not meant to be here. An unbearable certainty that this world is for everybody else... and not me…
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it feels too much…and not enough….stuck somewhere in an abyss …..lonely…..wretched……nothing…..something….stretched thin…..insubstantial…..weak….withered…..hollowed….empty……….nothing…
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it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Remembering that im in this body. Looking at the things around me. Seeing my own words on a page. Remembering that i exist in people’s minds. Makes my stomach lurch…it’s too much…when i hate me this much…seeing pieces of myself everywhere becomes so unbearable…
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there;s really nothing left in me. i might as well be dead
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think i was already gone a long time ago
#i feel like a ghost that’s clinging to a life it’s not supposed to have anymore..#people around me are so bright with life it feels painful….
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i wake up an empty, hollowed out shell, so nothing hurts me.
and nothing delights me.
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unlikable. just a strange thing to stare at.
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ultimately. i'm unnecessary
#i dont even want to be around me. why would anyone else#i think people just talk to me out of pity#pitiful wretched thing that can't connect with anyone#pitiful wretched thing that wants attention but also crumbles under it#pitiful wretched thing thats too strange to be around. too much freak and too little substance#wretched thing that was never anything to begin with
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i dont have any anguish left in me. because it doesn't matter
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i need to go back into the hole by myself where i belong
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