simulacrum-of-memory

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2014 was the year I met my last husband. It was also the year I shifted out of care for my own health, and moved squarely into focusing on him, on us. The weight came back on, but he didn’t mind. It was also the year I fell in actual love with Oregon. He took me on so many adventures, and showed me so much of the state that first year together.

Ten years on, and we divorced, but he’s still one of the kindest men I’ve ever known.

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2013, Portland, Oregon, USA

I abandoned my life in Colorado, thinking I’d found my savior.

He called me too fat, drained me of my savings with promises of keys to his house, and I fell for it all. Hook, line, sinker.

I was meant to teach.

I was meant to write.

Instead, I drove a bus.

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This Phase

I’m 60+ days sober, and have started to feel the feels that alcohol was always suppressing.

I reached out to my ex-husband and told him about my recovery, and took ownership of my behavior in our time together. Drinking made me volatile (but, thankfully, not violent).

He deserves better, and I truly hope his next Person is everything I could not be during our time together.

I have a number of these moments ahead of me, in some shape or form, but I have to believe that every time I own what and who I was, that my current-present self feels more whole and complete.

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2012, Denver, Colorado, USA - Outside

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2011, Vermont, USA

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2011, Maine

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2010 (Maine)

I have so many memories from my homestate, but this was my last attempt at living there.

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Ethiopia, 2010

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2009 is a memory hole.

Minimal photos. Vague splashes of memory.

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Interstate 10, Coachella Valley

San Gorgonio mountain in the distance.

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