sinha-ri

[sinha-ri]

irl rant that got darker than i thought

i could be SO mean to my family, so much meaner. And honestly it's justified, they victim blamed me when i was a kid for a bad situation and still hold it against me to this day. But i still help them financially when they need it. Im the youngest, i hardly ask for help despite paying school out of pocket and making $20 an hour (this is Cali is its like, barely livable) on part time, sometimes only working 15 hours a week. But I still help because they all have kids. I didn't ask for help when my cat was dying because i know they don't have the money either, i was lucky i had anything saved up at all and i took a credit card im still paying for today.

But i still helped in giving money to my brother for the food vendor at his babyshower, $200, bc he can't afford it due to working $18 an hour. Despite the fact he was the one who called me a whore when i was 11

im resentful, but not resentful enough to hold out on my kindness. I'm still seen as a joke to my family, the lazy one, the depressed one, the one who thinks they have a (real) mental illness bc they're online too much, the one who spent their entire savings on "just" a cat, the one who can't be trusted with anything. But i still treat them with kindness, because I can't imagine being like them. To tell my siblings anything to their face even if I should, even if it's deserved. I don't like making people feel bad, it just sucks they don't feel the same way.

And it sucks that i know they all think im stupid yet they rely on my kindness.

And I probably won't change, I'll probably be seen as the same as always. Its why I haven't bothered trying. I dont think anything I do will make them change their mind. But despite being the one who grew up the least social, im somehow the most socially aware of my siblings and the most empathic. It fucking sucks man

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i havent finished HOL but i think in an age where books can get an ebook, a movie, or be easily summarized, i think House of Leaves REALLY utilizes the fact it's a physical book. Its better consumed as a physical book. Because of the way the story is told, its almost impossible to make it a movie. It's a movie essay about a movie that doesnt exist, being put together by someone who isn't the author, being corrected by yet another party of editors. And that's all part of the importance of the book. All of our narrators are unreliable, all of our narrators have a different style of speech and font. There is extra content in the back of the book with evidence pictures, stories, letters, that can be viewed as you read the book or when you finish.

It all sounds confusing, it's hard to put this book into words. This is why its Necessary to read the book, to have the book and experience it yourself. Mark Z. takes full advantage that these pages will be printed, and so the formatting is used to its fullest. While this can be experienced through ebooks, there is a back and forth that is much easier to do with the physical book, the text formatting is also far more impressive and such a such a whiplash to the reader seeing Color in certain words. It's bringing the 'digital' world of colored text to you.

However, I'm aware its an expensive book. But given the length, the journey, and the sheer amount content and experimentation the book takes, it feels worth it if you want a story that takes advantage of the fact that Books are a medium, and sometimes its an important medium to experience a story.

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got a random "i wanna get shit done" surge and quickly did a website, yippee

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finally found this image of my dimitri bag

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ok last update, in good news, this is my last year of school if everything goes well so i can finally have that shit over with

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if god didnt give me adhd, needing to work and pay bills, and going to school, and being poor, i could make so much higher quality art i swear to yall

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when you are specifically against genAI but people will still be like "uHm, actshually, video games and animation have already used it and no one made it a big deal!!" because it was making parts of a process easier, it wasn't actively replacing the entire gaming process with AI. It had a purpose to not take over the artist, but to Aid the artist. Photoshop is as easy to use as it is because of its AI technology, but you STILL had to know how to use that technology or else it would look choppy. It didn't get rid of jobs, it made jobs easier.

most AI i heard of video games is mostly making NPCs work and not just stand there. It helps programmers waste less time on trying to get all the little things of an NPC, events, etc, and focus more on general development.

people will say gen AI is equivalent to photography, but it's not. You can't make good pictures without knowing what you're doing, without having meaning behind them, without Going somewhere physically and having human interaction or direct interaction with the world. It requires you to physically be there, to take time out of your day and find a good composition or else your photo means nothing.

Gen AI isn't giving people more power to do the arts, its taking away someone's belief that they can achieve what artists and developers do, so they "need" to use AI. Buddy, no artist or programmer came out the womb knowing how to do these things. The payoff from our work is both the work AND the process. The process is proof of our hard work.

[sinha-ri]

currently reading the haunting of hill house and there's already a theme of escapism god damn

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theres only two ways i draw hero and its him being a fake ass bitch or having the crash out of his life

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If he could choose, would Hero rather be deeply misunderstood or deeply feared?

Deeply Feared

He already feels misunderstood, like no one else in the world can understand him. He doesn't Think anyone could ever possibly understand him, and honestly the idea of being understood is a little scary. What if he's judged?

So he'd honestly prefer being feared. At least then, he knows what people think of him. It'll be much easier navigating through life knowing ppl feared him and acted based on that fear.

[sinha-ri]

Does Hero dream and if so what are some of Hero's most interesting dreams and/or nightmares?

He doesn't dream often given he's a light sleeper, but he does indeed dream!

Usually it tends to be nightmares, often of his past during what's called the Hero Project (i have no idea how much I've spoken about this in general).

in dreams, they're actually pretty uneventful. It's him mostly doing mundane tasks while alone, but on rare occasions, sometimes he's an animal. Those are the dreams he likes the most.

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ik ppl are prob not on rn, but anyone wanna ask about Hero 👉👈...

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It was on purpose??? Ohhhh shoot

That's cool #hero

LOL yeah

here's a small shitty diagram on how

none of this is self picked either, he HAS to wear this per the government he serves under.

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something i hope ppl can pick up about Hero is just how unconventional his armor and weapon are. Both are mostly aesthetic with Some practical use, but it definitely doesn't try to think of the latter. Hero is meant to be an icon, an idol, an image of a hero, Before he is an actual warrior. But he's still forced to be one, forced to work with crutches against his mobility and weapon. He's been working harder for no reason other than the fact he's supposed to slay aesthetically before literally.

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this fucking guy again

[sinha-ri]

my most extreme weirdest kink is being wanted. my tamest kink is knife play