sinsash

[sinsash]

Red truck. It's there... you're there? Is that yours? It's the same type but newer and red. I can't believe I'm still thinking of you 6 years later. How are you? Where are you? Who are you seeing? Is she beautiful? Do you look at her like the same way you use to look at me? With all the love and infatuation the eyes could behold... how i miss your warm embrace. My secret grace. My secret prison. I keep you there and watch you from afar. Lingering, relentlessly, in the back of my mind. A ghost on repeat. Small reminders. The park. The truck. The window. The night. I felt so wanted by you. Your grip on my heart still holds me. I just want to know how you're doing... I hope to God I've crossed your mind. And I don't believe in much but... may the stars and heavens deliver you a message that let's you know you're still on my mind. How I wish I could stop.

[sinsash]

This is why he probably doesn't want to marry you. Impulsive, angry, impatient. You have a hard time with keeping your emotions in check. You don't know how to handle intense emotions. This is why you won't become any kind of boss. You're not fit for society. You can't handle stress like you thought you could. You're trying to change but are you? Are you changing? #personal

[sinsash]

[sinsash]

Why aren't you on Facebook... why couldn't you just respond to me. Why do I feel like this. I'm feeling lonely again. I'm feeling stuck again. Why would you do that to me, why couldn't you have ignored me the entire time. Why did you do this to me? Lol jk I did it to myself.

[sinsash]

I didn't expect this to happen... I wasn't looking for anything. My pea brain will fall for anything, anyone, who is nice to me. You... were you even trying? Or do I just think too much? First night was not that special, strangers. Slightly uncomfortable because I didn't know how to help set up camp. You were right on it, you've done it a million times, set up everything a million times in your life. I think it was within the night, where you were behind me. Like a body guard. Then began my endless questions. And the eye contact. The glances I found within your eyes and lips. Catching you staring. And then catching myself staring. You were kind. Too kind. It's a pisces thing. Small things that add up. You laughed at my jokes. You warmed my soup. You ate the rest of my soup which my mouth had been on. You made me tea when all I said was that my stomach hurt. You shared your food with me, when I asked for cherries you said "of course, it's all for you babes". You put your own blanket on me when I looked cold. You continued to give me your blanket. When I looked at you with the music blasting, you turned up the vibes and we vibed. You had me hold your arm and hand as you led me through the crowd. We'd constantly be nodding at each. It was the blanket. It was you saying you were cold and me sharing the blanket. Not once but twice. The second time you scooted closer. Almost wanting to see my face I could see you scooting down to my level so we could see each others side profile. My knee barely touching your leg. When we thought another song was going to come on, you came back under the blanket, and we couldn't not touch our bodies, my arm against yours... my leg touching your leg. It was brief since there was not another song. And at the end of the trip... it felt like you didn't want it to end. I know I didn't. You showed me around the farm. I got to pet your amazing animals. When it came to say goodbye, I'm wondering if I imagined it, or it was real. You turned to hug me, and it was an embrace. It was tighter than I thought you were going to give. I wanted it to last one more second. That is the feeling I miss. A crush. Having a crush. I think I have a slight crush on you. I'm waiting in agony trying to figure out if you will ever look at my message. A simple request for your Playlist. But a hidden message of... hi, shall we talk? I like to play dangerous games. It's what keeps me alive. I want to see you soon. If anything, ill see you next year. I'm obsessive. Compulsive. I get delusional. All in the name of a crush.

[sinsash]

Hey you, long time no message. It's been awhile since my hands and feet have felt this kind of pain. I don't know if I'm triggered because no one wants to hang out with me or if its him just choosing video games and not me again. I got so bored I cleaned the bathroom. Lol. Anyway, just thinking about you. I always think about you when I feel like this. My imaginary comfort zone. It's you. It's a faded hug from 2016. It's a half fabricated memory of the park. It's the last house you lived in. I think about you to calm myself. I guess I should thank you. When I'm feeling blue and alone in this world, I have you to remember. I have the memory of you. Thank you. I sure do miss you and could use a hug from you. I know I'll be okay. But it hurts once in awhile. I hope where ever you are, I hope you're okay. And I hope you are happy and not sad. I wish you well. ~ #personal

[sinsash]

[sinsash]

[sinsash]

[sinsash]

[sinsash]

[sinsash]

[sinsash]

Hey. How are you? Yeah, just me having a shitty Sunday night. 🙃 wish we were talking. We'd have some cool things to talk about since it's been a couple of years. I wonder how you are. I wish I could find someone like you who would be my friend. I miss you a lot. I always miss you at night. Wish we could talk. Still hope you are well. Theres so many things I wish we could do. I'll see you in my dreams.

[sinsash]

I just feel alone sometimes. Every day is bad timing. I am sad. I just want to be held. Hey.. how are you? I have everything and nothing I want to tell you. You are a good person. And I miss your soul. I miss the light you brought. I miss the light. I miss the sun. I miss the park. I reminisce on our time together, just to get me through another night. I romanticize the feelings I once had for you. Just hold me. In your dreams. I hope to feel the warmth. Bring me back for 3 seconds to 2016.

[sinsash]

In my head I keep telling myself I just want to be alone, but in my heart I just want to be cared for.

[sinsash]

i don’t want to feel this lonely anymore.

[sinsash]