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More actual things that happen in the 1897 Dracula novel without context, as people kept pointing out things I'd missed:

The entire plot happens because Dracula is a teaboo

A character proposes marriage with a scalpel in hand and keeps playing with it throughout the conversation

Dracula roasts a chicken

A vampire bat (not a vampire) somehow drinks enough of a horse's blood to cause the horse to collapse

Dracula gets smacked in the face with a shovel

After attributing nightmares to paprika consumption, a character eats more paprika for breakfast

The heroes hire a locksmith to make their home invasion look more respectable

To prepare for raiding a vampire's lair, one character brings three small dogs

A character laments being unable to wed multiple people at once

A therapist starts speculating about elephants' souls mid-session

An official cause of death is written as "misadventure in falling from bed"

Dracula has a Krampus-esque sack that he shoves children into

A character realizes that his host has no reflection but is more concerned with shaving than investigating that

A reporter brags about his running speed mid-article

Dracula, while trying to maintain a low profile, goes by the incredibly subtle alias "de Ville"

A character is misled by phonetic spelling

A character receives three marriage proposals in one day

The SPCA tries to adopt Dracula

A doctor refers to a patient as his "pet lunatic"

We are told vampires can be defeated by putting branches on their coffins

A character gets slashed at with a knife and loot splatters on the floor, like a video game NPC

Dracula is a horsegirl

A character brings anti-vampire flowers but doesn't tell anyone the purpose of said anti-vampire flowers, which leads to another character moving them and enabling a vampire attack

A character's hair turns from dark to white literally overnight

Twice in the novel, Dracula says "Bah!" The second time is his final line of dialogue

There's a deleted scene of Dracula lying on top of the protagonist and licking him for hours

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One of these is not like the others.

jonathan harker's arc is about him accepting that he is actually into being dominated by an evil vampire as long as that evil vampire is the woman he loves. mina murray harker's arc is about her accepting that she has a right to take up space and speak her mind instead of bowing to social norms. lucy westenra's arc is about how the polyamory didn't change anything, it didn't save anyone, but it still matters that the polyamory was there. arthur holmwood's arc is about learning to cope with a sudden massive tragedy by opening himself up to others and strengthening his social bonds. quincy p morris's arc is about being hot and owning guns. abraham van helsing's arc is about not getting complacent in the idea that he has an open mind and accepting that he might make wrong calls based on his biases. jack seward's arc is about rebounding from life altering heartbreak by getting back in contact with his old favorite professor from med school who he sucked off one time. count dracula's arc is about fumbling a series of bad bitches so hard that he flees the country and dies.

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white ppl will steal every aesthetic from black culture and then call it something so stupid like bo derek braids instead of box braids or hasbin hotel core instead of black southern dandism. yall will bend over backwards to call my culture barbaric/scary just to drool over the aesthetic the moment no actual black people are involved (21 pilots vs actual reggae). And if ur white/nonblack reading this just reblog. I dont need any comments talking about how not racist you are + speaking up over actual black people.

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MAY YOUR DAY BE YAOIFUL ON THIS YAOI DAY EVERYONE 🥳🎉👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨💞

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it's so hardcover –> we're so paperback

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i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck

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when people use “you messed with the wrong fandom” as a threat

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The three kinds of bird species name

1. God’s Specialist Little Boy

2. Hot Breasted Milf

3. Grey Bird With Brown Head

4. Walter’s Fingernail

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Art in the Age of Digital Puritanism (2022) by Iness Rychlik The artist reposted it in 2024 "because it feels relevant in social media today".

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I’m still sleeping with plushies at my big age of almost 21.

yes im still sleeping with plushies at my big age of 15

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My mum found the yaoi art. Pray for me.

Update: She liked the yaoi art.

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True friends are gay for each other

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1pm August 8th 2004 really is the ideal time for it to be. Because I had not been born and was therefore unaware of the horrors.

woah dude you hit your head pretty hard. 2025? president donald trump? "labubu"? haha no clue what youre talking about dude its roughly 1pm august 8th 2004 and we're about to take a chicago boat tour and i heard dave matthews band is in town and

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OK new game. Use this website to see how common your first name is, and then put that number in the tags. 

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uwahh…!!! *magical girl transformation but instead i turn into a dead body*

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God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers and I'm dodging the draft

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Careful it’s an antique.

Male writers writing female characters:

“Cassandra woke up to the rays of the sun streaming through the slats on her blinds, cascading over her naked chest. She stretched, her breasts lifting with her arms as she greeted the sun. She rolled out of bed and put on a shirt, her nipples prominently showing through the thin fabric. She breasted boobily to the stairs, and titted downwards.”