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I have no place here. The sooner I realise that the less painful it would be. Blood is thicker than water. That will always be. I have a bridge back to where I came from and an aquaduct linking me to this. You can't detach a person from their family. Correction: you can't detach a male from their family. Ive been detached for 3 years from my family. That's asian culture. I hate it. Having controlled my anxiety for 6 years I feel guilty that one incident undid all the hard work I put in. The issues remain unresolved. My anxiety remains. My ambition is to run away. Leave it all behind. But that's irresponsible. Something I can not to be as an adult, apparently. I resolve to see more of my own parents before it is too late.

[siyapa]

So it's been quite an ever-changing, up-then-down-then-up-again sort of past few months that made this one year plus. Everything is in flux again. I keep thinking it's about to settle and just then something else occurs. I'm making it sound dramatic and sinister. It's not. Alhamdulillah. I'm the mother of a 16 month old child who knows her mind, is opinionated about her clothes, food intake and her preferred form of entertainment. I've created a monster. It's fun negotiating with her on a daily, hourly, minutely basis. It's exhausting. But thrilling. It's a good bubble to exist in. Every now and again a window opens up connecting me back to a time before Nusaybah (BN? can I say that? Please don't crucify me.) So yeah BN times were great too and sometimes there's a part of me trying to reconcile these two phases of life and hoping to fuse it seamlessly. It's not entirely possible. She takes priority. She always will so maybe I should just go with that now. I'm fortunate to have supportive family and friends that accept the status quo and encourage me in whatever way they can to be more than a mum. Somewhere amongst all if this I performed Hajj. I'll write about that soon. I haven't talked about it enough I know that much. Who do I talk to it about? Life is moving even now. Nothing stops even if you try to just to reflect. It's moving in the way when you're on a ride and look in a different direction than the way the ride is moving and it all gets more confusing and dizzy. But I don't want it to stop. I just want it to slow down a little so I could reflect, discuss, digest and then progress. It seems there's no time for that.

[siyapa]

[siyapa]

[siyapa]

Omar Suleiman knows what’s up.

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It's been a while. Where have you been? Sorry I just got held up by life. Alhamdulillah in all situations. I have so very much to be grateful for. I hope the boys are able to bridge the gap and fill the dad-sized hole they had in their lives. It's a glaring hole we know. Given no choice you get used to it, walk past it as if it's a construction site showing great promise of the future. The future. Fast approaching realities of life including being 50% responsible for a life. A human. This is going to be interesting. I had a cyber pet once. Okthenbye

[siyapa]

Books are like mirrors: if a fool looks in, you cannot expect a genius to look out.

J.K. Rowling (via observando)

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I am, somehow, less interested in the weight and convolutions of Einstein’s brain than in the near certainty that people of equal talent have lived and died in cotton fields and sweatshops.

Steven J. Gould born on this day in 1941. Gould was an American Marxist paleontologist, writer, theorist of “punctuated equilibrium” evolution (via momnaaaa)

[siyapa]

Short Dua to make for your parents.

رَبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا  (Rab-bir ham-hoo-ma ka-ma rabba ya-nee sa-ghee-ra) 

My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little. It’s in the Quran, Surat Isra (17:24).

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are you married

Yes and I am pretty sure you were invited to the wedding. ..!

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"The one who is proficient in the recitation of the Qur’an will be with the honorable and obedient scribes (angels) and he who recites the Qur’an and finds it difficult to recite, doing his best to recite it in the best way possible, will have a double reward."

[Sahih Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

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The Health Benefits of Honey. Click to enlarge the image. (Source)

[siyapa]

An Important Message http://daily-superheroes.tumblr.com/

[siyapa]

Life in flux.

[siyapa]

Imam Ibnul-Qayyim Jawzeeyah (rahimahullaah) said:

‘He who gets himself in the habit of doing actions just for the sake of Allaah, there is nothing harder upon him than to do an action for other than Allaah. And he who gets himself in the habit of doing actions based upon his desires, or [an ulterior motive, such as praise from the people, or status, or position, or wealth] then there is nothing harder upon him than to try to do an action sincerely to Allaah.’” http://salaf-us-saalih.com/2013/09/07/al-ikhlaas-is-the-foundation-for-the-success-of-our-actions-and-the-success-of-the-one-doing-the-actions/

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‘Abdullaah ibn al-Mubaarak (rahimahullaah) said:

“Perhaps a deed is small [in quantity] but is elevated [in rank] by the intention, and perhaps a deed is great [in quantity] but is demoted [in rank] by the intention.”

[siyapa]

Smith and Wesson .32 caliber Single Action Revolve, 1891-93, The Metropolitan Museum of Art