skamthemuse-blog - Tumblr blog

skamthemuse-blog · 6 years ago

Photo

Chapter 8: A Little Bit of Truth

3 Years Earlier

This party was beginning to feel like a bad idea for Vilde. Okay, it wasn't just this party, it was all of Russ. There! She admitted it, even if only in her head.

Vilde took another swig of wine from the bottle. It was almost empty now. She was definitely feeling it. She'd been feeling it for the last week. She'd been pre-gaming Russ two months before the actual date. She had found any available party. Any excuse to drink. Something to validate the fact she needed to get drunk. She needed to stop the hurt. She needed to stop the thoughts that she couldn't tell anyone.

A month before the drinking started, she and her mom had been evicted. Her mom's alcoholism and depression had become way too much. She had tried to get a job but the money she brought in while she wasn't going to classes couldn't keep up. She refused to give up school. She only had a few months left and she had been working for four years towards Russ. She thought that would make it all better. It would be the end of a shitty era.

After they'd been evicted, her mom refused to leave. The cops had come. Her mom wasn't a violent person, but she'd thrown a bottle at one of the officers who tried to forcibly remove her. That was the first of three times she saw her mom get arrested. The second time was when she tried to steal food from a corner store. The third, her mom tried to take money from a church collection. They had bounced from place to place for a bit. They'd even done a stint in a women's shelter. Vilde had been staying with Magnus' family a month ago. She felt like she was becoming a burden there when her dad called.

Vilde's dad wasn't a good guy. That's about all she knew about him. Her only memories were of him yelling at her mom as she hid in her bedroom closet. Sometimes there would be banging. Then the door would slam and he would leave. As soon as he was gone, her mom would reach for the bottle. She never stopped reaching after he left.

This time, her dad was offering her a place to stay. It was across town in a bit of a rougher area. Magnus had asked her a hundred times if she was going to be okay. She had promised him yes.

"It's only a few months. Then we can get our own place, okay?" Vilde would say. She no longer had plans of studying after high school. She would work. Then one day she’d just be a housewife. She couldn't afford to do more.

Living with her dad was about the same as when he wasn't there. He was never around. He was a bouncer at a local strip club which was open every day of the week. Not glamorous but at least he paid the bills. Him not being home was a blessing and a curse. It meant she was alone a lot. Alone in a place she didn’t want to be alone in. That's how it started.

She didn't want to go out more than she had to. She stopped telling friends she would meet them in the afternoon if it meant she would get home late. She didn’t want to walk back from the bus down the streets at night. She kept her friends away from the area and spent less time with Magnus, even though he offered to walk her to and from her door. She was embarrassed. He didn't need to see her like this.

To stop the fear, she took up drinking. She was well aware of the dangers but once she started, it was hard not to stop. One night there was something in her head that said it had helped her mom, but she wouldn’t let it get as far as her. She knew the dangers. She could quit anytime. Right? Her dad didn't keep much alcohol in the house but there was a liquor store across the street that she quickly found never carded. She became a regular.

None of her friends realized at first. The first person who noticed, well, she wouldn't even consider them a friend. It was Sara who saw her pull a flask outside of her backpack in the girls’ washroom. She hadn't said anything until she noticed the smell of vodka on her breath two weeks later in Norwegian class.

Vilde couldn't really remember what had happened but it had gone from concern to a shouting match to a heart to heart. As it turned out, Sara knew the neighbourhood she was living in. Sara admitted that her family used to live there when she was little. Back when Sara's dad was addicted to prescription painkillers and her mom was going to school to be a lawyer. Her dad had eventually straightened his life out after years of rehab and her mom's persistence. She knew what it was like to be a child of addiction. She knew what Vilde was going through.

It didn't stop Vilde from drinking but now she had a friend who got it. Sara would brave the rough streets to come see her when she was at her lowest, when she didn't want anyone else to find her like that. Sara held her hair up more than once during nights when Vilde's body couldn't take it anymore.

They got close. Too close because, despite how much she drank, thoughts that Vilde had long tried to suppress bubbled and floated to the top of her mind.

Sara was beautiful. Everyone in school knew it. There was something captivating about her. The curve of her cheeks when she laughed, the sparkle in her eyes when she was interested in what you were saying... all of it was exciting Vilde in ways she didn't understand.

That was when things got worse.

It was two weeks before Russ when Sara told Vilde she had met this guy on one of the other buses a couple weeks before. He had just asked her out.

"This time, this one won't be gay," Sara joked.

Vilde had smiled and forced a laugh. Her heart felt as if someone had just crushed it. She shouldn't have felt anything but happy for Sara. She had Magnus and he made her feel happy. He was supposed to be her everything.

Magnus was her best friend, next to the girls. That was certain. She needed him more than she could verbalize. And they had sex all the time. That's how love was supposed to be... right?

She was beginning to question it more and more as Russ started. Magnus, Jonas, Isak and Mahdi wanted to join them. Sana had vetoed them being full time members of Los Losers because of how small the van was but she told them they could tag along. Magnus had held her the same way he always had but it felt different. Despite the fact she wasn't enjoying the intimacy as much as she had convinced herself she had before, she was pushing harder. She was all over Magnus and it was beginning to piss her friends off. Even Magnus was starting to say no. To her, his rejection was a sign that everyone knew her secret.

Now, at the last party of Russ she was starting to have double vision . She was sitting on someone's bus, she couldn't remember who, next to Eva. Jonas was on Eva's other side.

Eva was a Russ superstar. She had the most knots out of any of their friends. She seemed up for anything with enough alcohol enticing her. For once, Jonas wasn't stopping her. He was more cautious with his words this time in their relationship and she didn't really look for his approval. They were the happiest anyone had ever seen them. It made Vilde jealous.

Eva whispered something to Jonas that Vilde couldn't make out. He took a sip of his beer and shrugged.

"Go for it," Jonas laughed. "I'm going to find Mahdi."

Eva turned to Vilde when Jonas was gone. She was just as drunk as her. The difference was that Eva was happy about it.

"So," Eva started leaning into Vilde, "for old time sake because we're graduating, make out with me?"

Eva put a hand on Vilde's cheek. They had done it loads of times before at parties, but that had pretty much stopped when Eva got back together with Jonas.

"The feelings you have when making out with a friend don't mean anything."

She wanted to say no but more than anything she also wanted to say yes. Her breath hitched. All she could manage was a small nod.

Eva tasted like beer. Her lips were soft though. Vilde found herself getting lost in the smell of Eva’s dry shampoo and her nails rested gently against the side of Vilde's face. God it felt good.

"Whoo!"

"So hot!"

Vilde broke the kiss and turned to see two boys calling out to them. They had been watching the whole time. It made her feel dirty. She needed to feel clean again.

Vilde stood up quick. She had to steady herself against the back of the seat. She didn't say anything. She turned and ran.

"Vilde!" Eva called after her, obviously concerned.

Jonas and Mahdi passed her on the way out. Jonas joined Eva and asked, "Is she okay?"

"Maybe we should find Magnus," Eva said to her boyfriend.

Vilde was already out the door.

***

Vilde sat on the edge of a public fountain, just outside of where all the buses were parked. She had already thrown up in the bushes a few feet away. Now, she was washing her face in the fountain water. Her mascara ran down her cheeks as the fountain water mixed with tears.

"Vilde?" She heard a voice call out in the dark.

She didn't want anyone to see her like this. "I'm fine," she managed to say in her best 'normal' voice.

"I know you're not," Sara stepped into the dim glow cast by a flickering streetlight above.

Sara walked over and sat down beside Vilde. She put a hand on Vilde's knee, "Where did you guys park your bus? Let's go get you cleaned up."

***

Sara had swung by her own bus and found her makeup kit. Vilde wished she could afford the brands Sara had in her bag. One was worth more than Vilde's whole kit combined.

"Close your eyes," Sara instructed. Vilde did as she was told. Sara brushed a light pink across Vilde's eyelids. Vilde had always liked getting her makeup done, and Sara knew that. It was something Sara had done many nights to calm her down.

"I know it's the last night, but you need to take it slow," Sara said. "You shouldn't even be drinking."

"Everyone is," Vilde mumbled.

Sara put the brush down, she wiped away the excess powder under Vilde's eyes with her thumb. "Not to be the mom friend but if everyone jumped off a bridge..."

"Maybe for a knot."

Sara shoved Vilde playfully and Vilde pushed back. It became a bit of a pillow fight before they both landed on their backs on the bed.

When their laughing had subsided, Vilde asked, "How are things with you and your new boyfriend."

"We broke up."

"Already?"

"Yeah. He seemed to like Ingrid better."

"Who even likes Ingrid better?"

Sara made an O with her mouth, laughing as Vilde tried to backtrack, "That was so mean. Sorry!" Sara laughed harder, which made Vilde laugh.

Vilde didn't know who made the first move from there. Sara didn't taste like beer like Eva did, but instead like strawberries and lemonade coolers. It was so nice. She was soft too, from her skin to the way she kissed.

She felt Sara's hand rest on her check. She hesitated and Sara pulled back, "Is this... okay?"

Vilde nodded. She sat up, "Are you okay too?"

Sara smiled and sat up beside Vilde, "It's nice."

Nice was a good word to describe it. Especially the second time they kissed.

It was all nice up until they heard the door slide open and found Magnus and Isak staring in at them.

Vilde and Sara shot apart but it was already too late. Vilde could see the hurt in Magnus' puppy eyes. He turned and walked briskly away.

"Magnus," Isak called after him but he didn't move from the door. He turned back to Vilde.

"Vilde?" He asked gently. Vilde got up and pushed her way past to the door. She tripped on the way out and Isak caught her.

"Let me go," she said, trying to get away from Isak.

"Hey, no way am I letting you go anywhere like this." He had been through it before, but that wasn't what was registering in Vilde's mind. He was one of Magnus' best friends. He was going to tell anyone.

Isak looked to Sara for help but Sara looked just as mortified as Vilde.

"I've got to go back to the Pepsi Max bus," Sara said, quickly retreating.

Now it was just Isak and Vilde. With his hand that wasn't holding Vilde up, he called the one person he knew could help someone in a situation like this.

"Hey Eskild,” Isak said into the phone. He was balancing it between his shoulder and ear, while Vilde was is his arms. He listened as Eskild started on the other end, “Can you- No! Yes there's a good reason I'm calling you at 3am. Even's okay. He's at home. Yeah Noora is fine too. All of us are fine! Actually no. Wait. Vilde's not. That’s why I’m calling. Can you come get her and can she stay with you tonight? I've got to deal with Magnus. Look I'll tell you about it when you get here."

It was sometime during that conversation when she passed out.

***

From that moment forward, Vilde had began cutting ties. Sara pretended like the night didn't happen. Magnus kept trying to get her to talk about it and "fix" their relationship, but she couldn't keep doing it anymore. The girls kept asking what had happened and she wasn't ready to tell. It was a mess she wasn't prepared to face. So as soon as the final bell tolled to signal the end of her last school year, she was gone. She hadn’t talked to anyone… well, almost anyone.

Now, three years from that day, she was back in front of them all. She still wasn't sure she was ready to answer all their questions. She had lived another lie for years and now, was this just the same old story playing out? She couldn't let it be.

"Okay ask me anything," Vilde said prepared for the onslaught to hate and anger.

"Are you ready for that?" Magnus asked. His voice was so gentle. She'd missed that.

"No," Vilde admitted, "but I need to be honest. So Magnus, ask me your question. The one I know you've wanted to know since..."

Magnus shook his head.

"Let them know."

"Why did you cheat on me with Sara?"

It was the first time that Vilde said it aloud. It was the same reason she couldn't marry her boyfriend: "I like girls."

Eva and Noora exchanged a confused look. Eva laughed lightly. Sana was the one to say what everyone was thinking, "Is that all?"

"Come here you drama queen," Chris held out her arms. Vilde felt herself breathe a sigh of relief, letting go of the breath she had been holding for years. All she felt was love. All her friends were holding her tightly, as if afraid to let her go again.

She heard Magnus whisper in her ear, "I forgive you."

Who would have thought it would take a missing persons case to bring her back to the people who loved her most.

One girl found... two boys still missing. And the girl in the arms of her friends had another secret she was hiding. One that she wasn’t ready to tell. Vilde feared that she was the last person to see Isak and Jonas before Isak had sent Even that haunting call. But if they knew that, would they still forgive her?

A/N: Thank you for your patience with this chapter! More on the way soon.

A special thanks to @twoenns for being my editor! I really appreciate it!

#skam #skam fic #skam the muse #muse chapter #vilde hellerud lien #Sara Nørstelien #skam wlw #the muse #isak valtersen #eva mohn #Magnus Fossbakken #jonas vasquez #sana bakkoush #noora sætre #chris berg #the muse chapter 8 #chapter 8

20 notes · View notes