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why did no one tell me about vampires before i became a lich. “oh noo i can’t go out for a sunny beach day!! i don’t show up in mirrors!!” i need to use a special deodorant not to smell like maggots. i studied for 103 years for this

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bad luck brian shit happening to guga lately

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i’m sure this is lovely and a great thread but this is also unintentionally hilarious

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i’m sure this is lovely and a great thread but this is also unintentionally hilarious

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so i’m currently working at a law firm and the other day one of the attorneys was talking to me and he mentioned that he’s “not very confrontational” and i was like you are?? a lawyer???

and he said “yeah but in court there are rules. i can argue with some shmuck in a suit in front of a judge no problem, but when i leave the courthouse and go home i’m not gonna argue with my wife about dinner. there are no rules in our kitchen. i would die.”

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why does my mother suddenly fail kindergarten whenever she tries to do anything on the computer

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Windows 7

Windows 7 is the next release of Microsoft Windows, an operating system produced by Microsoft.

Windows 7 is intended to be an incremental upgrade with the goal of being fully compatible with existing device drivers, applications, and hardware

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If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

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Hey kid you want a job?

Great get online and go to a job board. Indeed, Linkedin whatever. Now you're gonna search for a role that's in your city, fits your qualifications, and doesn't seem like a bad time.

See that easy apply button? Don't hit it they just throw those in the trash. Now you're gonna want to go to the company's website and check their careers page.

Oh? That job doesn't exist anymore. Cool go back to the job board and find another one.

Great you found another job, you're on the company's career page and the job exists!! So you're going to need to make an account on the career page website. They're using Workday, the same site as the last job you applied for? Who cares? You need to make another account for THIS job's workday page.

Now you're going to upload your resume. That'll autopopulate about 15 boxes with everything on your resume, except formatted wrong and with tons of errors. So just go through and painstakingly check the dates on all of that and rewrite everything you already laid out in an aesthetically pleasing format on your resume.

Ok time for the cover letter, explain why this specific job and company are deeply important to you. You love their mission statement and wouldn't even laugh if their ceo was gunned down in the street. You'll really want to reiterate the things you just spent the last 20 minutes filling out on the resume section

(Remember to include language from the job description, people who work in HR are lower than dogs and they need patterns or they get confused.) Write about a page, but hey don't sound too desperate or robotic this is where they judge your character!

Maybe add your portfolio site at the end here, who knows if that helps no one has ever clicked mine haha.

Anywayyy time to hit apply! Congrats! You'll see that confirmation email come in and you should be getting the rejection letter in about 2 weeks. Unfortunately your resume didn't have the right buzzwords and the AI auto rejected you :(

Time to start again and try not to kill yourself!

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figuring out how to get rid of screen addiction is like trying to figure out how to stop a nicotine addiction while also having a job centered around smoking cigarettes and having half your social life be in smoke breaks

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nobuddy feels like they have a sharp attention span these days, right? and we all just click “agree on terms of service” because its hard to love yourself sometimes, well

enter Terms of Service, Didn’t Read: a website and a browser addon that streamlines the terms of service of many popular web services to be read by the tech sunday drivers.

It’s graded from A (great) to E (awful) and if you have the addon you have access to the info about the website on your bar

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20 million votes have been uncounted

Link to this Tweet here

Link to the tweet here for the image above

Link to the White house

If you need further help in a quick format, here is one, but i urge you to also add in the details for requiring an investigation, not just recount.

I know its a shitty situation and were tired but we still have to try to fight for a life that's worth living.

If you can blaze this post, GO FOR IT!!!

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psst. guys did you hear. they made up a new game that everyone you know suddenly got really really into in the span of a day and you never heard anything at all about it prior

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Reblog for a miracle to happen tonight

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not normie enough to fit in but not fringe enough to lean into being a freak, worst of both worlds, pure liminality, just the weird coworker, and unrelatable classmate. and your mutual