sky-thoughts

[sky-thoughts]

Baldurs gate 3 : Spoilers

I really need to talk about this game because I have been bawling my eyes out during the climax of Astarions story arc for the past two days. This elven vampire's story really crushed my heart.

Spoiler and trigger warning.

I've read a lot online since I have been fully immersed in this game for the past weeks and I wanted to write down my thoughts. Larian studios really know how to tell a story.

When you first meet Astarion he just seems like an unreliable, selfish, person that always puts himself and his own needs in front of everyone else. To get his approval early you need to be cruel to the ones he view as weak and as the story unfolds he tells you about his master, or abuser. I feel as if his intolerance towards the weak is a mirror of his relationship with his abuser in which he views himself in the weak and despises them for not taking agency against whatever is tormenting them. My view is that he never got help and therefore his anger towards the "weak" you help during your adventure comes from envy, he never got help and he still got where he is today.

This is my analysis on his first impression because it resonated so deeply with me since this is how I've viewed the world for so long before.

After a while he seduces you (or tries to) with sex. As time passes you learn that his former master Cazador used him to lure victims into his lair. When you gain Astarions trust after you've had a meeting with a drow that wants him to bite her and you let him say no since he doesn't want to a really beautiful scene is presented. Astarion says it would've been so easy to just "go along" with what you told him to do, "a little self disgust and then carry on as normal" but that when you told him you don't wanted him to do anything he didn't want to he felt seen and cared for, for the first time. He had to use his body as an instrument and after this he doesn't want to have sex anymore because it reminds him of the abuse and he feels disgusted with himself. For him, sex had never been about pleasure or feelings, only a means to achieve a goal. This was such a heartbreaking scene.

And lastly, onto his meeting with Cazador, the scene that left me bawling my eyes out. Fucking hell this story broke my heart.

Astarion has been deadlocked on revenge. Honestly I've always basked in daydreams of revenge and violence to keep myself calm. I hate how the world is and all the hate it in, it makes me lose hope in all humans and this is also Astarions view. We get to read a diary of Cazadors master and how he taught him about violence, solitude, and fear to keep your power and only viewing everyone as subordinates, not letting anyone become you equal. It was also his that go him killed, ironically, when Cazador overthrew him.

Astarion finally faces his master and defeats him. When he pulls him out of the coffin you can persuade him not to do the ritual that his master wanted him and all the other victims for. You tell Astarion that "This won't set you free, you'll only become like Cazador" and continue the circle of violence. Astarion sees this and then says "but I'm not above this" as he stabs his master while laughing. Then he starts crying, as if the sweetness of revenge left him too fast. I honestly broke down here because you can live on the anger and it is the only thing that keeps your spark alive but once you've got your revenge it all goes away. You'll have to start living and move on but you haven't known any other feeling than anger for years, it has been all you've been, your whole identity. And when you ask Astarion how he feels he says "It's so much, all I've lost, all I've gained, I honestly feel a bit numb." He finally got his revenge, all that anger bursted out in that stabbing, and the will that got him going aswell. He needs to find a new reason to keep on going, to truly start living for himself and finding a reason by yourself is nearly impossible when all you've learned is anger.

Thank you Larian studios for this game, you'll be hearing from my therapist.

[sky-thoughts]

[sky-thoughts]

[sky-thoughts]

The Vampire Spawn [2/?]