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I Am Setsuna [VIDEO GAME REVIEW]

I liked “I Am Setsuna” - but I came nowhere near loving it. It has some decently strong points: the characters are varied and interesting party combinations can be formed for battle; the equipment system is very compelling; the flux system is intriguing despite its random nature making it too frustrating to deal with outside of a 100% run. The battle system itself was a lot of fun, as well! (...Until I discovered a combo/spritnite setup that broke the game and I abused the living crap out of it because of course I was going to.)

There are just so many design decisions holding it back that it's hard to even give it a pass as a decent game. The entire aesthetic made me want to take a nap - and that was before the most interesting environmental theme was recycled multiple times. The story and dialog had me rolling my eyes so hard it hurt by the time the game was drawing to a close. Speaking of dialog, the main character’s dialog options only affect the game in one scenario. Why even have them at all?

tl;dr - It's not necessarily a bad game but it's as far from being great as a game can get before it becomes bad. I'd only recommend this if you loved Chrono Trigger solely for its battle system and you have a self-destructive propensity to give Square Enix money every time they come knocking (like me).

[slanderoid]

Super Mario Odyssey [VIDEO GAME REVIEW]

Jesus Christ. Does the world need another review that just amounts to sucking Nintendo's dick over this game? No. But I'm writing one anyway, even if it means joining in on the knob slobbing.

There's so much to like about the game: the level design, the degrees of difficulty, the visuals, the story, the humor, transformations, Cappy, New Donk City... The list goes on. Like many reviewers, I can't help wearing a shit-eating grin while playing.

But I'm no Nintendo groupie: I'm capable of finding faults in their products. However, pretty much all of my complaints have already been said elsewhere - such as the somewhat cumbersome controls when playing with docked JoyCons or Pro Controller.

So, yeah. This game will likely end up being my Game of the Year (though choosing between it and Nier: Automata will be difficult.) The worst parts of this game just amount to minor inconveniences and they don't stop me from wanting to suck this game dry and swallow every last drop.

...I mean, keep playing until I collect every moon.

It's fucking amazing.

[slanderoid]

Fuck Whales - Maddox [BOOK REVIEW]

There's a chapter in this book called “Fuck Online Reviews.” It was a good chapter... but it's not going to stop me from writing one. Fuck you, Maddox.

This book bamboozled me. I was actually a little upset about it until I realized how masterful the bamboozlery actually was. When I first started reading, it had me rolling - the first part of the book is full of that classic Maddox humor that originally made him popular. But there was a gradual shift that I didn't notice until it was too late: the author's focus on his own brilliance and talking shit about animals had been largely replaced with thoughtful, intelligent commentary about society and the world as a whole.

The philosophy in the book reminds me of my favorite stand-up comedian, Doug Stanhope, and that makes me very happy. However, where Stanhope makes the listener laugh while he comments on society, Maddox tends to make his points and then make the reader laugh. He doesn't quite do both at the same time. But that's just a minor gripe. All in all,

It's pretty fucking good.

[slanderoid]

The Blood of Gods - GWAR [MUSIC REVIEW]

I enjoy metal quite a bit. No, I'm not hardcore as fuck, but some metal really resonates with me. Some of the bands I listen to regularly are Gojira, Lamb of God, Amon Amarth, (early) Mastodon, Behemoth... and GWAR.

...True metalheads will now want to kick my ass.

One thing that's imperative to know about me is that merely hearing a song by a hair metal band compels me to go up to the nearest person and headbutt them in the bridge of their nose. I'm telling you this to tell you that the new GWAR made me break the noses of at least a half dozen people. It's not good, you guys. Hair metal is total bullshit and that's what GWAR is, now.

There were a couple of good songs. El Présidente was good. Fuck This Place made a funny and touching reference to Oderus’ death... then the next song was a sappy homage to their former bandmate. Since when has GWAR been sappy? I understand that recording this album was difficult for the band. But approaching it with a sense of humor was much more effective than the crybaby crap found in Phantom Limb. I hate to say it but...

It's pretty damned shitty.

[slanderoid]

South Park: The Fractured But Whole [GAME REVIEW]

There are very few constants in my life (...at least as far as entertainment is concerned.) As I've gotten older, my taste in things has changed and, obviously, gotten better. But one of the things that's always been there for me - much like my security blanket that now reeks of spilled beer and jism - is South Park.

After nearly 20 hours I can say the new game functions a lot like my security blanket: it's comfortable, it's familiar, and it's probably kind of off-putting to the uninitiated. Other than the funky parts, there's nothing really challenging about it. It's not a difficult game by any means and most of the plot and dialog are not shocking. But, like many of my first possessions, it sparks my imagination: I've given my character a superhero name in my mind and I'm pretty invested in their actual backstory. (Players of the game will probably know what I mean.) All in all, I've enjoyed my time with it, sure, but I doubt I'll return to it for a second playthrough.

With that said, I'm going to cuddle with my Binky and finish this game, once and for all.

It's not good and it's not bad. Eh.

(Performance review: I saw a black screen when I launched the game for the first time, but rebooting my PC fixed it. I have a lot of ghosting and, without fleshed out graphical options, I'm unaware of how to fix it. It's not too distracting, I guess. Sometimes items and mission objectives do not appear in the status screen immediately.)

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What the Hell Did I Just Read - David Wong [BOOK REVIEW]

You know when you feel a poop welling up inside and you sit on the toilet and you push and you push but nothing comes out? That's what writing this review feels like - I'm having trouble getting it started.

There are loose ends all over place... but they could have been tied up and I didn't notice over all of the crazy shit happening all the time. Wong's method of interspersing smart writing with shit and dick jokes is here in full force... but when the story switches to John's perspective, his humorously exaggerated account of the events adds an unnecessary level of mindfuckery to an already adequately mindfuckening story. The main threat of the story is a really interesting species of monster... but there are so many types of monsters in the book it's sometimes hard to distinguish which one is the true antagonist.

I need to shit or get off the pot. There's a lot to like here and a lot to not like. If you enjoy the John Dies at the End series, it's worth a read. If not, you might want to pass.

It's not good and it's not bad. Eh.

[slanderoid]

Colors - Beck [MUSIC REVIEW]

This year was supposed to be great for music. New Primus, new Mastodon, new Queens of the Stone Age. The sheer number of great bands putting out new material was staggering. It's too bad that so many of these albums have been underwhelming. Some of them have even been piles of shit covered in vomit. (I'm looking at you, Queens.) So, I desperately needed Beck's latest release to be good.

Thank the gods it is.

Now, I saw an article where he described the songs on Colors as “complex pop” ...but I feel that's a bit of a stretch. Sure, the lyrics are thoughtful, the instrumentals are intricate, and the grooves are infectious, but there is little presented here that's challenging or goes beyond the expectations of the listener. This album, in no way, defies the logic of all sex laws. But I'm actually okay with it. The album aims to please and it does just that - it's exactly what I needed to hear.

It's pretty fucking good.

[slanderoid]

Francis of the Filth - George Miller [BOOK REVIEW]

I will start this by giving credit where credit is due: this book made me laugh out a couple of times and the introduction was decently written, even if it came across as nonsense.

However, even as someone who enjoys Filthy Frank's videos and Pink Guy’s albums, I was only able to make it halfway through this book before the urge to bash my head into the nearest slab of concrete became too severe. I was desperately hoping I would be struck with a sudden case of temporary illiteracy so I wouldn't feel like a quitter for dropping it but I can still read and, because I want to keep my skull intact, I can't keep reading this.

It reads like bad fanfiction. The author's overuse of his thesaurus is nauseating. The settings come across as drab and lifeless. The characters are annoying to the point that I started to hate them. The plot is repetitive and impossible to care about.

It's a total piece of shit.

[slanderoid]

Heaven Upside Down - Marilyn Manson [MUSIC REVIEW]

I'm fucking awesome. While a lot of that awesomeness comes from me, myself, I realize that a portion of it comes from listening to Marilyn Manson during my formative years. Without him, I'd be some wimpy dickhead.

But that won't keep me from thinking Heaven Upside Down is very cringy. To be fair, some of the musical elements of this album are really interesting... It's just that every time Marilyn opens his mouth, he turns the song into a puddle of soupy poop. In the past, he was a clever edgelord but time hasn't been kind to him - he's lost his edge and I doubt he'll ever be able to get it back. It's so bad that listening to this album makes me want to shove a screwdriver deep into my ear to see if it's a viable method of performing a lobotomy.

It's pretty damned shitty.

[slanderoid]

Poppy.Computer - Poppy [MUSIC REVIEW]

I think being an adult male who was born and raised in a small town full of rednecks is what makes me reluctant to admit that I listen to pop. Sure, there are pop artists who make me feel that choking to death on my own vomit would be a better use of my time than listening to them but I can say that about artists from every genre in every medium. But, goddammit, I love Poppy. Her music, her videos, her aesthetic... I dig it all. Poppy.Computer mostly just serves to strengthen my resolve - but it's not perfect. Half of the album consists of previously released material and, sadly, those are the tracks that really shine. Some of the new tracks just didn't do it for me. I'll definitely return to the album and maybe I'll have a change of heart about the new songs when I do. Still, I'd say: It's pretty fucking good.

[slanderoid]

Final Fantasy V (Boss Fight Books) - Chris Kohler [BOOK REVIEW]

I consider myself an avid Final Fantasy fan: any mention of the series in the news or in everyday conversation engages my monkey brain and I’m overwhelmed with a sensation that is somewhere between hunger and sexual desire. When talking about the games, my speech degrades into animalistic grunts and screeches. It’s awkward for everyone involved. Chris Kohler’s Final Fantasy V (Boss Fight Books) made me realize I’m not that big of a fan. While the book includes excerpts from an interview with Hironobu Sakaguchi and behind the scenes stories from the game’s development, the best part is Kohler’s passionate tale of importing Final Fantasy V and working with fellow fans to overcome the obstacle of navigating a text heavy game that hadn’t been translated to their native tongue. That’s true dedication and it’s fucking metal. I’ve got a long way to go before I can call myself that big of a fan. It’s pretty fucking good.

[slanderoid]

Cuphead [FIRST IMPRESSION]

Run 'n gun isn't my usual cup of tea and, judging from my little bit of playtime today, I'm going to be dying a whole hell of a lot. I think I'll persevere for the amazing art style and boss rushes, though. This will be a great game for couch co-op - if the guy who wants to play it with me can get off his ass and come play it with me. Online play would be nice...

To be continued...

[slanderoid]

Mother! [MOVIE REVIEW]

I had no fucking clue that Mother! existed until yesterday. Then I saw tweet about it and, after some limited research, decided I needed to see it - even if it meant driving two hours to the nearest theater that was still showing it.

I felt like time stretched out while I was watching. Normally, when a movie feels like it's running longer than it actually is, it's a sign that the movie is a maggot infested turd. But in this case, it was because of the ambitious scope of the project. So many themes are contained in the two hour running time... In fact, I believe every theme ever conceived by our puny ape brains is touched on here. Every emotion in our repertoire is evoked. Every film genre is present. It's abstract, it's surreal - it's art. And to call it a masterpiece would be a fair description, I feel.

It's fucking amazing.

[slanderoid]

The Desaturating Seven - Primus [MUSIC REVIEW]

When I heard the premise of The Desaturating Seven, I started foaming at the mouth - it seems like the perfect concept for a Primus album! Then, when I pulled it up this morning and saw it was only seven tracks long with a few of them breaking the five minute mark, I was expecting an odyssey that made me yearn for the days when I was dropping acid and passing up food in favor of pills.

When I finally got to listen to it today, I learned that Primus has become the musical equivalent of someone who spent their youth gulping down drugs but was forced to grow up: a rambling, boring disappointment whose wild past will probably overshadow whatever they try to do next.

It's not bad and it's not good. Eh.

[slanderoid]

Cold Dark Place - Mastodon [MUSIC REVIEW]

Mastodon pisses me off. My dick was hardest for them when they were writing albums revolving around the classic elements. You know, back when they were bashing in skulls with dirty fucking riffs and rendering the weak infertile with complex drumming. But that Mastodon is dead. In recent years, they've been content to release albums that have a handful of unique songs buried in a bunch of radio ready shit.

In comes Cold Dark Place, a four song EP that dropped last week. It's dark, it's moody, and... it's catchy as hell? It makes me want to weep then dance, sometimes in the same breath. It doesn't get me hard in the same way early Mastodon did, but it's still the most creative thing they've made in years.

It's pretty fucking good.