sleepinbird

[sleepinbird]

Me when I catch myself thinking "I wonder what it's like to be chosen by somebody" but then I remember my best friend chooses to be my best friend and my mutuals choose to follow me and the minimum wage employee chooses to give me sincere kindness that I remember years later because I was going through a hard time and it meant a lot

[sleepinbird]

"Yeah hold on, let me change out of my work clothes" [undoes a single button on my hawaiian shirt and nothing else]

[sleepinbird]

very tiny animals fill me w both love & anxiety

[sleepinbird]

pick up your banjo

[sleepinbird]

RIP Richard Serra. You made so many people so so so mad

[sleepinbird]

God gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers and I'm dodging the draft

[sleepinbird]

[sleepinbird]

If you are a vampire NEVER feed from someone named Richard. 400 fucking years and everyone still calls me Dick Sucker

[sleepinbird]

Kitty Kitty was begging me to turn the sink on, but I was running so hard on autopilot that I didn't register that she wanted the sink to be Just A Little On, and I ended up turning it on full blast while her head was right under the faucet. Luckily she, like me, only possesses 3 brain cells, so she didn't consider getting upset, and instead just stared at me while purring as her forehead became increasingly drenched and I realized what I had done.

[sleepinbird]

"I asked ChatGPT-"

I asked the voice in my head, he called your mother a whore.

[sleepinbird]

I have to assume that in the fullness of time, at least once, a mouse has used a mushroom as an umbrella.

That’s enough to keep me going.

[sleepinbird]

average tgirl experience of saying "we need to kiss" every few days and then continuing to be stuck hours and miles away. but still we must express that we need to kiss, it's important that this gets said

[sleepinbird]

scientists in the 1990s, putting a Get More Purple gene attached to a harmless plant virus into an already purple petunia: please get more purple

the petunia, sensing an apparent honest to god Get More Purple Disease, using the previously undiscovered RNAi antiviral ability to shut down all other purple genes along with it just in case: you put VIRUS in petunia? you infect her with the More Purple?? oh! oh! her children shall bloom white! jail for mother, jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

[sleepinbird]

im powerful though

[sleepinbird]

can I stay in bed until 2025

[sleepinbird]

why would i ever want to escape the time loop? the time loop is awesome! i get to try the same things again until i can do everything right!

[sleepinbird]

me impatiently to the little french cat boiling me in a stew: chat am I cooked