sleepykittystar

[sleepykittystar]

Okay, Netflix, listen here

You cannot show that to a lesbian with ADHD and rejection trauma

AND EXPECT THAT SHE WILL BE CHILL ABOUT IT

[sleepykittystar]

Mira + glasses 👓 (insp)

[sleepykittystar]

[sleepykittystar]

3am

the cool air of the fan brushes against my face. the standstill continues.

in a time like this where it feels as though we continue thinking about the past... let's think about the future. one of the many potential futures that lay before me

paths that wind down narrow pathways that reach into the dark confines of a rapidly fleeting existence. the further you walk, the less certain things become. your own reflection begins to warp, like a hall of mirrors in some theme park. the surrounding flora become blurry, and your breathing narrows

the future embraces you, swallowing you whole. dark hands that stretch out infinitely, always reaching you no matter how far you tread.

that is inevitability.

the inevitability that no matter what, your past will continue to follow you. and that there is no escape from the all consuming sea.

past, present, future - all three states existing simultaneously in a dance of fates that encircle you. it's only a matter of time before we all turn to dust

but who cares about that?

we all die, indeed. but that's something we can think about much later. i'm more interested in thinking about my immediate future: where i will be in a few years time.

many of my extended family on my dad's side will be married. i too will hopefully have a girlfriend of my own.

but i can't help but feel my family wouldn't approve of her. i have no preference for race or religion or anything of that sort. if i end up dating someone irreligious, what happens then?

presumably, id be told she would have to convert in order to be with me. but that's not something i want to force. we should be happy together regardless of that. i deserve to be happy, and so does she.

i want to go on a train date. i want to go on a random train and travel to some local village. i want to hop from train to train, looking at the different liveries and feel myself pass by several towns and plains.

we can visit an aquarium together, watching the fish pass by as the rich blue light illuminates the dark corridors.

it's all so fun to think about. love is a truly wonderful thing, is it not?

i'm unsure what my occupation will be. ive always wanted to be an artist, but i fear the people of my past stalking me. especially "yuuri."

my body grows tired. perhaps i will continue my musings another time. until then, goodnight

[sleepykittystar]

[sleepykittystar]

cw: suicidal ideation

deep under ocean waves

i close my eyes, as i let the sea take me into its warm embrace. the light of the moon growing faint, as my body writhes and shudders, desparate for air

for that is who i am. a desperate, conniving fool who refuses to die. my brain had already given up long ago. life isn't improving nor worsening. i find myself repeating the motions of day to day life in the hope of something new. something better.

like a bus that never arrives. you frantically check your phone, scrolling through navigation apps and live trackers, only to find yourself stuck, for no one would come to save you

and that's the truth of it all. you're stuck. left to pick up the pieces as the road stretches before you, no end in sight. so you walk.

down the endless dark road, you find echoes of the past. memories you hid away in the hopes of never coming across them yet again. but they're there, represented in the form of wilted roses, concealed by some force above.

it's best to walk away.

and down the road, a maze forms. there are twists and turns and dead ends alike. but you already know the way down. you've taken this route a hundred times. you take a sharp left, and before you are a bush of those same wilted roses, echoing the laughs of a child who didn't know any better.

turn right, and you hear the sounds of choked up wailing from that time you got turned down by the girl you liked.

go back, and you find yourself at a dead end. underneath, a pair of koi fish dance eternally, tidally locked. from the pond, a voice bellows. it is your former lover.

she simply asks, "why did you abandon me?"

it was either you leave or she would have hurt you in due time.

but that wasn't enough, a shrill shriek emerges from the pond, as dark hands emerge, grabbing you, suffocating you.

your neck grows tight.

your vision narrows.

you sink further into the abyss.

and there i was

on the ocean floor, the light had already left my eyes. my lungs are filled with seawater, and my heart slows toward a gentle lull

on the surface, a young man bears the same face as me. he will never know the full extent of my suffering. but he will mourn at my funeral, asking why i had left him behind

i already left a long time ago.

i am merely a corpse walking, in the hope that one day, the ocean will take me in once again

[sleepykittystar]

Gaza from space: 2023 lit with life, 2025 drowned in darkness.

Israel didn't just bomb buildings — Israel has, erased life, hope, and electricity. This is what genocide looks like from space.

Asking for help is not easy, but I live here for 2 years, a war, one of the most difficult wars in the world that history will mention in the triangle of death. I rely on your generous donations because of the lack of any kind of work unless you will work with the exploiters in the injustice of this alum, and I do not prefer that, so I ask you to think about the difficult situation I live in and donate to help me and my family of 6 members.

[sleepykittystar]

please don't scroll past this post without reading about @ahmedgazza3 's campaign:

imagine being only 20 years old, at the start of your adult life, but before you can make your dreams come true your city is bombarded and your family is forced to evacuate and now lives in a tent. this is what Ahmed has had to face, and now that Gaza is under siege again in the holy month of Ramadan he and his family are in danger once more.

we can't allow this to continue.

please donate what you can and support this campaign by sharing it, which costs you nothing!

(campaign vetted by association)

[sleepykittystar]

you are sweet, but oh so terribly damaged. like a pidgeon trapped in a mesh of barbed wire, feeling yourself slowly bleed out as the sharp wire pushes itself in.

and yet, you choose not to yell out. you're afraid that they will look upon you with disgust. you're a pidgeon after all. not a dove nor peacock nor penguin nor cassowary. you are a pidgeon.

i sit by you. i tend the wound as best as i can, and so you thankfully stop bleeding. but you're still stuck, and i can't get you out.

i too am a pidgeon. but unlike you, i'm satisfied with soaring across the countryside, being as free as the wind takes me. but you prefer the city. it's comfortable, warm and there's always food. but my god is it also so risky

there's something calling toward me, a desire to stay by your side. an excitement. to be able to fly past you everyday and have our little conversations. oh how blessed i am knowing every day i get to see you again

and even if we fly our separate paths, i am truly grateful to have met such a bird as beautiful as you.

so my dear, let us soar together across the city. let us explore the villas and cul-de-sacs and melodic high streets bustling with the sounds of people from all walks of life. let us peer into a cafe, and relax as though we have sunk ourselves in a warm bath of mocha, the light reflecting off the smooth surface as ripples form across its bed.

let us search through the various libraries in the hopes of finding knowledge beyond our understanding, the words of great literary poets and philosophers falling to confused yet appreciative ears. let us discuss our favourites under the beautiful breeze of the midday sky

and as we turn toward sunset, i must head toward the countryside once more. for the city was never my home. i always desired to live somewhere far away from it all. a pocket of solitude.

but you, my little city pidgeon, must stay. you deserve to stay where it is comfortable and warm. and i too will come by to share that with you.

even if we will never get the chance to nest together, i am grateful knowing i can still pass by you day by day. and perhaps one day, we can soar beyond the city walls

together.

[sleepykittystar]

[sleepykittystar]

In Islam, a woman was condemned to Hell for starving a single cat. In Christianity, Jesus said: “Whatever you did for the least of these, you did for Me.” These teachings show one truth: neglecting the suffering of others is a spiritual crime.

Now imagine what it means to let 2.3 million people in Gaza starve, day after day.

[sleepykittystar]

⚠️Please Help my children ‼️

✅️Vetted by @gazavetters, my number verified on the list is ( #641 )✅️

Please donate and share

Hello friends, I am Abdullah Salem Abdullah Jaafar, 26 years old, a graduate of the University College with a degree in Information Technology - Multimedia. I used to have a beautiful family; I’m married and have four children, and my wife is pregnant.

I previously worked at a multimedia company, but because of the war, I lost my job, my home, my car, and now I have no place to live or work.

During the war, we were forced to evacuate more than four times. Each time, we had to leave everything behind without taking any of our personal belongings.

I live in northern Gaza.

We were displaced to southern Gaza, then to Deir al-Balah, then to Rafah, and now we live in an uninhabitable tent that is not suitable for living.

My daughter Rahaf was martyred in the war due to Israeli airstrikes. Now I have Iman, Malak, Basel, and my wife is in her seventh month of pregnancy.

Please, I am in desperate need of your help just to provide food and water for my children.

I lost my home and we have become homeless."

Please donate and share

[sleepykittystar]

These are some of the pictures I took from the life we live. I don’t want much. I just want to reach €5,000 to be able to at least buy daily aid as a normal person who wants to eat. I want you to donate to the target goal, knowing that only €870 is left to reach the goal. Don’t forget me 💔😞

Asking for help is not easy, but it’s heavy days 💔💔

To donate here 🙏🏻

[sleepykittystar]

I watched K-pop Demon Hunters and now I'm in love with Zoey

[sleepykittystar]

cw: domestic abuse

i had a discussion with a friend of mine regarding our ideal relationships. they said they wanted children. normally, i answer with "i wouldn't," but for the first time in years, i decided to sit back and think to myself... "do i?"

as a child, i was taught what was right and what was wrong. being raised religious caused me to develop a strict sense of dogma, of routine. it felt like everytime i acted out, i would be sentenced to hell. at my big age, i have developed my own sense of morality. however, there are still many questions left unanswered. many ideas i wish to discuss, both with myself and with my future partner.

i was at a good special school for the first four years of my academic career. i developed skills in basic areas and was capable of existing as myself. but as time passed, people began perceiving me as neurotypical rather than neurodiverse, and placed upon me increasingly difficult tasks. even i myself placed these expectations onto me. and for what reason? to be loved? to be seen?

for a while in 2020-22, i was an antinatalist. i wasn't against other people having kids, but i myself refused to "bring my child into a suffering world." of course, as i grew older i began to realise that in spite of this suffering, in spite of the world changing, there is still love and the human spirit continues on as ever. i'm positive that if i did have children, i would ensure they would be at a good school, and receive the proper care they deserve.

and that got me thinking: would i be a bad parent? i think back to a conversation i had in class with my psychology alevel teacher, where i nervously asked her if people who were abused end up abusing their own children. she responded with an unfortunate "yes, it is more likely." that in of itself terrified me. it made me believe that i would end up repeating the same mistakes my parents had.

there's also cultural expectation for me to get married and have children. people in my generation are getting married. one of my cousins is only six months older than me, and she has a husband. sooner or later, it will be my turn.

but i don't want to choose what my family choose for me. i know for a fact i want to get married. i want a wife, and i want to spend everyday with her. i want to share my goals with her. i want us to do everything together. we can exist both as separate parties, but also as a team.

my ex never wanted to get married. she had examined the marriages in her life and concluded it was a bad idea. i really wanted to get married at some point, and with the amount of flowery language she used, i was convinced wedding bells would ring.

i guess in some sense, i am like her. i don't think i would want kids. i examine the parents in my life and think to myself, "no matter how good a job i will do, i have no actual idea how to raise a kid. i'm already struggling with myself: what makes me think i can raise someone?"

but then i start worrying. what if i fall for someone who does want kids? the simple answer is "kill your feelings and move on," but as a demisexual, that's incredibly difficult. all i can hope for is that they reject me instead, and i can move forward. but even then, i can't really control who i develop feelings for.

that's the demisexual dilemma for you! you can be super close and affectionate to someone but only see them as a friend. conversely, you can interact with someone a few times and fall for them. it's confusing! there's still so much i don't know about myself, and it's scary. i just want someone to hold my hand...

i want cats.

i want to give the maternal instinct and care i have toward a living being. i want to feed, nurture, play with and kiss someone i can call my child. but for it to be a human sounds terrifying. i never related to other humans much anyways. but cats are predictable. they are just as deserving of love as humans, as are dogs and birds and rats and snakes and so much more. pets are wonderful.

and you don't know just how long i've wanted to give my love to a small creature who loves me in return. i guess in that sense, i would be a good parent.

but what if i fall for someone and they don't want cats? i suppose i'd have to compromise in some way, but it would hurt. i'd always have to hold off on my desire to have a cat of my own, and instead fulfil that desire by heading to cat cafes and the like to try and have a small taste of what it was like to love such a beautiful creature.

relationships are built on compromises. at a certain point, you will both experience some sort of discrepancy in your life plans. that's just how it works unfortunately :( i already know i want to live with my bestie for a few years at least, but what if i date someone who wants to live abroad? the future is so uncertain, so terrifying.

i just want to love someone in the present. i've been plagued with memories of the past and visions of the future. so much so that i've forgotten to exist in the present moment. i want to plan my future with someone, share my deepest past memories, but i also want to cuddle up to them and watch TV...

back to that friend of mine. whatever happens, i can only hope she and her future partner work it out. as of me, i don't know if i'll even have a future partner. i don't see myself as particularly desirable in the first place, and after everything my ex did, i don't know if i can trust again

but i suppose we'll find out in due time. in the meantime, the viola continues to play its soothing melody, as it weeps in the hopes of a better tomorrow. i can only hope the sun will shine upon its bark, and the gentle wind amplify her beautiful soliloquy. waiting for a piano to join her in song.

[sleepykittystar]

This whole thing about scanning your face to prove tour age is making me remember, in 2018 while out in paris we got our wallet stolen during a particularly busy night at a lesbian bar. It was very late and with no money to buy metro tickets we were effectively stranded, but some people helped us and we ended up staying the night at a really sweet older man's place. His face was deeply scarred and he was missing an eye. We chatted on our way and he told me about his life, probably to help calm me down. He explained he had been stuck in a house fire 20 years ago and had had multiple rounds of facial reconstruction and a skin graft, but there's only so much surgery can do so he just learned to live with it. I remember he said he liked the queer bars because they're the only place people don't really stare at him.

At some point I took out my phone, and at the time I was using face unlock. This prompted him to tell me all the ways this technology doesn't work on him. How his phone selfie camera doesn't focus right because it's not a detecting a face. How he had to update his ID the old fashioned way, because the website kept rejecting his photos. And how it was becoming more and more common, and how it was making his life way harder.

This was 7 years ago, and now whenever I see this sort of technology I think of how that guy can't use it. And how house fires are pretty common, and how anything from being born this way to a skin condition to heavy tattooing can probably cause the same issue. Can these people get age verified ? Will they just lose access to all social media, which are increasingly necessary in society, if this becomes the norm ? These are people who are already driven out of public spaces due to how they look, and they're getting pushed out online too all in the interest of companies wanting more money.

[sleepykittystar]

I don’t want a partner who can fix me or cure my disabilities I want a partner who can see me go through some horrific physical and medical bullshit and still have the ability to say to me “that sucks and isn’t fair. do you want to get food and watch a stupid show?” every time instead of running away or ghosting me because it’s too scary