sleightoffeather

[sleightoffeather]

[Two images; one of the Huntington Brew & Elixirs logo, and the other of the storefront.]

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[sleightoffeather]

[Video of Corbin on stage at the Laughing Jackal, doing a stand up routine. He’s got the same stage presence as he normally does, but he seems a more twitchy than usual, unable to stay still as he paces back and forth. A bubble of laughter from the crowd has just settled down; he leans against the mic stand a little.

“It makes you think, right? Like, the only people who actually make it in this City are just bastards. Like, real motherfuckers, you know? They turn screwing people over into an art form, like they’re aiming to nudge their way into those pretentious art galleries. Move over Mona Lisa, here’s Mona Lisa II. She’s exactly the same only she’s flipping you off and somehow making someone rich and famous in the process.”

Corbin’s tone has gone bitter, but it doesn’t stop the audience from laughing. That’s the nice thing about the Jackal - it’s hard to bomb when everyone’s drinks are spiked with laughter.

“It makes you wonder, like, what’s even the point? You spend your whole life trying to compete at screwing people over against people who’ve been pro their whole lives. Came out with a stamp on their little baby butts declaring them purebred jackass. They’re pedigreed. You can’t compete against that. 

“So then the one time you think like, hey, maybe I’ll try changing the rules, do something decent for a change, you get disqualified. Some sorta cosmic ref is just standing there on the sidelines, ready to pull you out of the game. Can’t go helping people. Not allowed. We’re pulling you out.”

Corbin takes a moment to adjust his mic. The crowd’s still chuckling, but the smile’s off of his face.

“I guess it’s not all bad, though. Like the game’s obviously shitty, so it’s not all bad being pulled out. Sorta like being hit with a dodgeball when you’re in elementary school and that’s the only game the coaches ever want you to play. Like yeah, you let your team down, and that motherfucker with eight arms on the other side has one hell of a hook so your shoulder’s gonna smart for a while, but at least you don’t have to worry about dodging anymore.You can just sit on the side and pick your boogers or whatever your priorities are when you’re like, seven. 

“Honestly? It’s kind of a relief.”

There’s a moment’s pause, and Corbin’s stage presence is all but gone. It’s just him, standing in the middle of the stage, staring out over the audience. He’s not smiling; he looks tired. He looks like he’s thinking.

Then, just like that, a grin crosses his face again and he makes a confident step forward. “But really, what is the deal with gym coaches anyway-”]

[sleightoffeather]

due to reasons i’ve got to cancel all of my upcoming shows from july onward

so that means that if you wanna see my stand up its now limited edition which means its even cooler

come see my last show at the laughing jackal this tuesday at 9:00

[sleightoffeather]

93 + 103

are you disillusioned? what with?

yeah i guess. i guess with life in general? really feel like life’s been throwin’ up lots of middle fingers recently lol

what is a lie you regret?

most of my lies have been pretty useful so idk if i regret them even if they eventually bite me in the ass, like they still served a purpose in the moment yknow?

[sleightoffeather]

9 and 82 i guess

favorite snack?

i mean ill take whatever i can get but those real juicy caterpillars are pretty good

where is the most unusual place you have fallen asleep at?

uhhh fuck i have definitely lost track but i think once when i was little i wound up sleeping in someone’s hat once

[sleightoffeather]

13 17 if not bigger witch

do you think you’re a hero?

no unless were using the term ironically

who keeps you safe when something scratches at your door?

usually the lock on the door or my own ability to haul ass

[sleightoffeather]

80, 45

are there any places you avoid? why? 

yeah mostly i avoid the places that i think i could get killed cuz i dont wanna get killed

what do you believe most about the world?

that it exists?? lol idk i really dont think much about this kinda stuff

[sleightoffeather]

34 (:

do you believe in soul mates?

i dont really think much about it so i guess not

[sleightoffeather]

1, 11, 21.

if you could be anything or anyone, who would you be?

an extra in one of the hsm movies

if you were gone, who would miss you? who would be happy?

uhh i guess my sis would miss me. idk who would be happy but im sure theres a few people out there who dont like me

favorite fruit?

i dont usually pick favorite foods but i guess rn im feelin strawberries

[sleightoffeather]

42, 105.

what haunts you in your quiet moments?

the fact that they didnt let zac efron sing his own songs in the first high school musical movie even though he’s clearly got the talent

netflix and chill?

okay but only if were using your netflix account cause i dont have one

[sleightoffeather]

[its meme time]

[sleightoffeather]

i mean yeah but im pretty sure a single piece of paper could block my fists birds arent really made for punchin

okay usually i dont try to air my drama out in the open but shits getting kinda dire so im just gonna throw this out and crowdsource it

anyone have any ideas on how to get out of a deal with a witch

[sleightoffeather]

provocateaux replied to your post: okay usually i dont try to air my drama out in the...

Oh, Dear. Have I been making deals in my sleep again?

if you have it hasnt been with me unless ive also been doing some sleep dealings

[sleightoffeather]

waxmouth replied to your post: okay usually i dont try to air my drama out in the...

find a bigger witch

looking for: big fuckin witches

must be at least seven feet or dont even bother

[sleightoffeather]

okay usually i dont try to air my drama out in the open but shits getting kinda dire so im just gonna throw this out and crowdsource it

anyone have any ideas on how to get out of a deal with a witch

[sleightoffeather]

COP: Where were you the night of the murder?

CROW: I was with a group of friends

COP: What would you call that group?

CROW: …I want a lawyer

[sleightoffeather]

oof rough set tonight lol

if you were in the audience tonight and can show me your ticket stub ill give you a free ticket to another show where hopefully im not compelled into doing some improv soul searching on stage