slomps

[slomps]

you: *eats 10 pounds of shrimp in 8 minutes* I am the shrimp king! I cannot be outshrimped

me: *eats a thousand pounds of shrimp in one bite* just another day in the life of a whale

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i should have acted out in school more none of the consequences mattered actually 

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The umbrella on its way to the academy idk I didn’t watch the show

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someone come feed me poison mushrooms i need to settle down a little 

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Do ladies love stupid men or do they just love men who don’t exhaust every opportunity to feel smart

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How many of you guys are active on Twitter? Maybe looking at growing your page and making money out of it?

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failure IS an option and it’s the option i’m choosing. good night.

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Can’t call it Jackass unfortunately

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LOOK AT THIS CROCODILE

LOOK AT IT

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do u ever wonder what ur most noticeable feature is like what do people see first when they look at u

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U.S.- Mexico Border

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when your friends sibling is hot

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if you ever feel bad about yourself remember that george bush was once informed that 4 brazilian people were killed in iraq and he responded ‘how many is a brazilian’

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OMFG.

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Not all heroes wear capes