smithaslan

[smithaslan]

oof-

Now you’ve touched yourself, it’s kinda hard not to when you have an insatiably hot boyfriend. The relationship isn’t extremely new, maybe a few months in, but not new new. You both have had phone sex, needing that sudden release when he was out on deployment. But every time you touch yourself, you do it only to the point when you begin orgasming. Key word: begin.

the mutual masturbation has been common for you two since the beginning really, letting yourselves reach that amazing peak. So the first time you two got a little tipsy and felt that need growing a wet patch on your panties, Simon knew what to do.

he fingered you, stretching out your wet and gummy walls for him, making sure that you would be able to fit him in your tight cunt. His low, guttural groans did nothing good for you, making your clit throb and hole clench around his fingers.

“Fuck, look a’ you. Takin’ my fingers so fuckin well.”

he groaned into your neck, his hand picking up the pace. The wet sounds from your slick filled the room, making your hands link around his neck and pull yourself closer to him. The tight feeling you get before cumming getting closer and closer.

“Si- Simon! Almost…almost the- ah!” You squealed into his neck, thighs tightening around his hips that held your legs open for him. His fingers quickened again, rubbing that slightly rigid spot inside you that made you mewl loudly.

When your orgasm hit, you expected him to stop, just like you always did. But when he didn’t, you arched your back and reached down to grip his wrist. “Simon! N-no, too much!” You screamed after you felt another surge of pleasure, making him finally stop.

you felt him pull away slightly, looking down at his lower abdomen that was glistening with liquid. He looked back at you with a dark look in his eyes. “Didn’t take ya for a squirter, love.”

the heat rose to your cheeks, voice coming out slightly hoarse. “I haven’t…haven’t squirted before…”

a devious smirk made its way to his face before he leaned down.

“Lets see if I can do it again.”

[smithaslan]

Nameday

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Fem!Reader

Summary: You find out when Aemond's nameday is and decide to surprise him, but you don't know that Aemond doesn't celebrate his nameday.

Word Count: 1.4k

Warnings: the tiniest little hint of angst I guess (I mean it's Aemond), some fluff, married, growing affections, maybe a little soft!aemond at the end

AN: This was an anonymous request! I am so sorry this took a while to get to, but I hope you enjoy!

Your husband could be a bit of a mystery to you. In the few months you had been married, you had come to know only a little about him, but you were determined to know more. You had made some strides, you knew he enjoyed reading, as did you, that had become something the two of you bonded over, he enjoyed sparring on the training grounds, and of course he enjoyed flying on his fearsome dragon, Vhagar, but so much of Aemond still remained unknown to you. Though you still didn’t know much, the two of you had grown closer, tender moments were shared from time to time, which you were grateful for, but you still wished to know more.

It had taken weeks of sleuthing, but you had finally discovered something big. You learned when his nameday was. Back in your homeland, namedays were quite special, and your family would always make such a fuss over them, so when you found out when Aemond’s was, you began planning.

-

You woke up and smiled at the sight of Aemond still asleep beside you. The two of you finally felt comfortable sleeping in your shared chambers together, and for the past couple of weeks you enjoyed getting to spend the morning with him. Aemond seemed almost like a different person. He was more relaxed, less cold, and there was always a small hint of a smile in the corner of his lips when he looked at you.

You reached over to move a strand of his silver hair out of his face to admire his sapphire eye. This was the only time you got to see Aemond without his eyepatch, and you savored every moment of it.

“Are you watching me sleep?” Aemond mumbled, his voice low and raspy.

“Well, not anymore since you are now awake.” You pouted.

Aemond chuckled lightly before getting out of bed and walking over to his wardrobe to get dressed.

You sat up and made sure he was busy getting ready before quickly running over to the door and seeing if the maids had arrived with breakfast yet. You saw them down the hall and motioned for them to hasten their pace. Once they reached your room, they made quick work of getting everything set up.

In the weeks that you had been spending your mornings with Aemond, you had noticed which foods he favored and had requested they be made the previous day. Just one of the special nameday surprises you had planned for Aemond.

Aemond finished getting dressed and pulled back his hair so it wouldn’t fly into his face throughout the day. As soon as he placed his eyepatch on his head, he finally took notice of the wide array of food.

“This seems quite decadent for the morning.”

The apprehension in his tone made you laugh, Aemond was always one for suspicion.

“Perhaps it is a bit lavish, but special occasions call for such opulence.”

He turned to you with an inquisitive stare, “What special occasion?”

“Why, your nameday of course.” You smiled brightly.

Aemond’s face dropped almost instantly, “What?”

“Your name—”

“I have to go.”

Before you could even try to stop him, Aemond left, a mixture of anger and irritation etched into a scowl on his face. You just stared at the door, trying to figure out what made him so upset.

-

“Helaena, could I ask you something?”

Helaena set down her teacup, “Of course.”

Having tea with Helaena was always one of the highlights of your day. She was the first friend you made when you arrived at King’s Landing. She was always willing to listen to whatever was troubling you and even offer some advice every once in a while, especially when it came to her brother.

“It’s about Aemond.”

She gave you a knowing smile, “I assumed as much.”

“Does Aemond not celebrate his nameday?”

Your dejected tone let Helaena know that Aemond must have been quite upset, “What happened?”

You bowed your head in what felt like shame, “I requested some of his favorite foods to have for our breakfast this morning. He seemed confused and when I explained that it was for his nameday, he practically stormed out.”

“Our family has never been one to celebrate namedays. We did when we were younger, but even then Aemond was never quite fond of them, and after his thirteenth nameday, he stopped acknowledging it altogether.” Helaena explained.

“Oh, I wasn’t aware,” the heat of embarrassment rose to your cheeks, “my family always made such a fuss over our namedays. Decadent meals, grand celebrations, dancing and music. I guess I just assumed every family was the same.”

“You had no way of knowing.” She gave you a sympathetic smile.

You gave her a shy, sad smile in return and the two of you resumed your tea as usual.

-

Aemond walked into your shared chambers and felt a slight sting of disappointment when he did not find you waiting for him. He felt bad regarding his behavior towards earlier, you weren’t aware that he did not celebrate his nameday. You were only trying to be kind, and he treated you so coldly, so he wasn’t surprised that you weren’t there to greet him like you had been for the past few weeks.

Upon further walking into the room, he noticed a parcel set on the bed with a note attached to it. As Aemond walked closer, he recognized your handwriting on the note.

Aemond,

I was not aware that you do not celebrate your nameday, so I apologize for this morning. I will not make that mistake again.

I still wanted you to have your gift, but you can decide if you would like to keep it.

Y/N

Aemond put down the note and opened the parcel. Inside was a philosophy book, one that he had been searching for, for years. He recalled mentioning the book to you once, months ago, back when the two of you were first married. How you remembered when he had only mentioned it in passing, he wasn’t sure, and he certainly didn’t understand how you were able to find it.

A wave of affection washed over him, and before he even realized it, he was walking to your chambers.

-

It hadn’t been long since the last time you slept in your own chambers, but the room began to feel foreign, as cold and unfamiliar as when you had first arrived at the Red Keep. You laughed at yourself; in just a few short weeks you had already grown accustomed to falling asleep by Aemond’s side. To be all by yourself again filled you with sadness, which in turn made you laugh at yourself more. One day, only one day without seeing Aemond and your heart had grown heavy.

A sudden knock at your chamber door startled you from your thoughts. You quickly pulled on your robe and went to answer it.

Seeing Aemond on the other side made warmth bloom within your chest, “Aemond, I—”

You were cut off by your husband pulling you into his arms, kissing you as passionately as he could. Without missing a beat, you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Am—Aemond,” you tried to gain his attention, but he continued to plant kiss after kiss to your lips, cutting you off whenever you tried to speak.

Eventually, you were able to pull away when Aemond needed to catch his breath, though he tried to go back in as soon as he was able to, but you gently placed your hand to his lips, so you could finally speak.

“Aemond, I’m sorry. I should not have made any assumptions about—”

“No,” he took hold of your hands within his and moved them down to his chest, “I should be the one apologizing. All you did was show me kindness and I sulked away like a child. I have a lot of…complicated feelings regarding my nameday, but I should not have taken that out on you.”

“It is alright,” you smiled, “but now I know, and next year I will not make a fuss over it.”

He kissed your forehead, “Maybe my nameday could be a private celebration between just the two of us from now on.”

You beamed at him, “You would be comfortable with that?”

“I would enjoy nothing more than spending the day with my adoring wife.” He lifted your hands to his lips, placing a kiss to each one.

You leaned forward and placed your lips on his once more, resting your forehead against his when you pulled back.

“Come back to our room with me?” Aemond whispered.

You smiled and kissed him on the tip of his nose, “Nothing would make me happier.”

[smithaslan]

official elon musk hate post reblog to hate like to hate reply to hate

[smithaslan]

Everything is like “QUEER history” and “List of QUEER young adult books” or “Top 10 QUEER movies” and queer this and queer that and for the love of god please just say LGBT.

[smithaslan]

[smithaslan]

reblog if you sit at a computer and download faggot information to use later in life

[smithaslan]

A Refined Taste

Modern AU (Aemond Targaryen x Reader) series — COMPLETED

But if you send for me, you know I'll come And if you call for me, you know I'll run - Old Money by Lana del Rey

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Rating: Explicit/18+

Summary: Your older sister's been dating Helaena Targaryen for almost three years now and this summer you both get invited to the generations old Targaryen mansion, finally having the chance to see the famous seaside vineyard the family owns. You're excited to get reacquainted with Helaena's family, remembering the lasting impression Aegon made on you, in consequence leaving you quite infatuated with him. What you weren't expecting was the other brother, Aemond, capturing your attention this time.

Old money. Sunsets by the sea. Reading, swimming, horseback riding. And, of course, exquisite wine. What else does one need in a place like this? Well, maybe some romance to make the stay even more memorable.

Part 1: Old Money

Part 2: Sunset and Vine

Part 3: White Sunshine

Part 4: High by the Beach

Part 5: Cashmere Cologne

Part 6: Atonement

Part 7: Chemtrails Over the Country Club

Part 8: You're My Religion, I Need Your Love

Part 9: Summertime Sadness

Part 10: Endless Summer

Part 11: Honeymoon

Part 12 (Epilogue): Swan Song

Main Masterlist

AO3

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Feel free to let me know if you’d like to be included in this specific series tag or a general Aemond tag ♡

[smithaslan]

Only day you can rb this

[smithaslan]

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Reblog if you need to scream

[smithaslan]

List of Journalists Killed During this Genocide. Say their names!

Jabr Abu Hadrous (29/12/23)

Abdallah Hamad (29/12/23)

Ahmad Khair El-Deen (28/12/23)

Muhammad Khair El-Deen (28/12/23)

Ahmed Jamal Al-Madhoun (24/12/23)

Mohammed Abu Hwaidi (23/12/23)

Rizq Arrouq (22/12/23)

Muhammad Al-Saidi (22/12/23)

Adel Zorob (19/12/23)

Abdullah Alwan (18/12/23)

Haneen Ali Al-Qashtan (17/12/23)

Mashal Ayman Shahwan (16/12/23)

Assem Kamal Musa (16/12/23)

Rami Badir (15/12/23)

Ali Ashour Abu Malek (15/12/23)

Samer Abu Daqqa (15/12/23)

Khamis Hussain (15/12/23)

Ahmed Abu Abseh (13/12/23)

Hanan Ayad (13/12/23)

Narmeen Qawas (13/12/23)

Abdel Kareem Oudeh (12/12/23)

Mohammed Abu Samra (10/12/23)

Doaa al-Jabour (9/12/23)

Ola Atallah (9/12/23)

Hossam Omar Ammar (8/12/23)

Hamada Al-Yaziji (6/12/23)

Abdul Hamid Al-Qarinawi (3/12/23)

Mahmoud Salem (3/12/23)

Shaima Al-Jazzar (3/13/23)

Hassan Farajallah (3/12/23)

Hudhayfah Lulu (3/12/23)

Muhammad Farajallah (2/12/23)

Abdullah Darwish (1/12/23)

Muntaser Al-Sawwaf (1/12/23)

Marwan Al-Sawwaf (1/12/23)

Adham Hassouna (1/12/23)

Nader Al-Nazli (25/11/23)

Amal Zuhd (24/11/23)

Mostafa Bakeer (24/11/23)

Mohamed Mouyin Ayyash (23/11/23)

Mohamed Nabil Al-Zaq (21/11/23)

Assem Al-Barash (21/11/23)

Jamal Haniyeh (21/11/34)

Farah Omar (21/11/23)*

Rabih Al Maamari (21/11/23)*

Ayat Khadoura (20/11/23)

Alaa Al-Nimr

Bilal Jadallah (19/11/23)

Abdelhalim Awad (18/11/23)

Sari Mansour (18/11/23)

Hassouneh Sleem (18/11/23)

Mostafa El Sawaf (18/11/23)

Amr Salah Abu Hayah (18/11/23)

Mossab Ashour (18/11/23)

Mahmoud Matar (15/11/23)

Ahmed Fatima (13/11/23)

Yaacoub Al-Barsh (13/11/23)

Mousa Al-Barsh (12/11/23)

Ahmed Al-Qara (10/11/23)

Yahya Abu Manih (7/11/23)

Mohamed Abu Hasira (7/11/23)

Mohamed Al Jaja (5/11/23)

Haitham Harara (3/11/23)

Mohamad Al-Bayyari (2/11/23)

Mohammed Abu Hatab (2/11/23)

Majd Fadl Arandas (1/11/23)

Iyad Matar (1/11/23)

Imad Al-Wahidi (31/10/23)

Majed Kashko (31/10/23)

Nazmi Al-Nadim (30/10/23)

Yasser Abu Namous (27/10/23)

Duaa Sharaf (26/10/23)

Zaher Alafghani (25/10/23)

Jamal Al-Faq’awi (25/10/23)

Saed Al-Halabi (25/10/23)

Ahmed Abu Mahadi (25/10/23)

Salma Mkhaimer (25/10/23)

Hudhayfah Al-Najjar

Mohamed Al Hassani

Mohamed El-Shorbajei

A’ed Ismail Al-Najjar (24/10/23)

Iman Al-Aqili (24/10/23)

Mohammed Imad Labad (23/10/23)

Roshdi Al-Sarraj (22/10/23)

Mahmoud Abu Zarifa (22/10/23)

Hany Al-Madhoun (21/10/23)

Mohammed Ali (20/10/23)

Khalil Abu Aathra (19/10/23)

Sameeh Al-Nady (18/10/23)

Mohammad Balousha (17/10/23)

Issam Behar (17/10/23)

Abdulhadi Habib (16/10/23)

Yousef Maher Dawas (14/10/23)

Salam Mema (13/10/23)

Ali Nisman (13/10/23)

Husam Mubarak (13/10/23)

Issam Abdallah (13/10/23)*

Abdul Rahman Shihab (12/10/23)

Anas Abu Shamala (12/10/23)

Ahmed Shehab (12/10/23)

Mustafa Al-Naqeeb (11/10/23)

Rajab Al-Naqeeb (11/10/23)

Mohamed Fayez Abu Matar (11/10/23)

Saeed Al-Taweel (10/10/23)

Mohammed Sobh Abu Rizq (10/10/23)

Hisham Alnawajeha (10/10/23)

As’ad Shamlakh (8/10/23)

Mohammad Jarghoun (7/10/23)

Ibrahim Mohammad Lafi (7/10/23)

Mohammad Al-Salhi (7/10/23)

*lebanese journalist | could not find date of martyrdom

spent the whole day confirming all of these names and looking through multiple resources. the ones with dates are journalists who’s date of martyrdom and/or exact cause of death is stated by sources besides the government media office official list.

[smithaslan]

[smithaslan]

Reblog if you say "Y'all"

[smithaslan]

Later, Alfred 👋

[smithaslan]

Marvel’s Eternals Post-Credits Scenes Explained: What They Mean for the MCU

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

This article contains major Marvel’s Eternals spoilers. We have a spoiler-free review here.

Marvel’s Eternals probably has more heavy lifting to do than any other standalone MCU entry in years. With 10 leads, brand-new cosmic concepts that require a whole lot of dialogue to explain, and the general sense that Marvel is looking to change the very fabric of the Marvel Cinematic Universe going forward, there’s a lot to take in.

And if that isn’t enough, Eternals goes ahead and introduces a new member of the Avengers in its mid-credits scene and then sets up another character for a heroic arc and the potential path to becoming a member of the Avengers in its post-credits scene.

Let’s dig into these, because there’s a lot…

Eternals Mid-Credits Scene Explained

The remaining Eternals who weren’t killed earlier in the film or taken into space by Arishem (see ya later, Cersi and Kingo!) are hanging out on their spaceship, at the start of their quest to head out into the galaxy to find more Eternals and Celestials. That means we’re dealing with Thena, Druig, and Makkari on the Domo, pondering their next move. This scene apparently takes place several weeks after they left Earth.

And before we can be treated to more surely important exposition from this film, two intruders enter the chat…

Who is Pip the Troll?

The first is Pip the Troll, a CGI creation voiced by Patton Oswalt. Now, a very drunk and seemingly comedic character like Pip the Troll might not necessarily herald the start of great things for the MCU for many fans, but for others, particularly Marvel Comics fans of a certain age, Pip is a big deal. For one thing, he played a major role in The Infinity Gauntlet, the classic Marvel Comics epic that inspired so much of Avengers: Infinity War and Avengers: Endgame.

Pip isn’t a troll in the traditional fantasy sense. Instead, he’s an alien from the planet Laxidazia (look, comics in the ‘70s could be a little on-the-nose sometimes, k?). In the comics, Pip was known for hanging around with MCU mainstays like Gamora, Drax the Destroyer, and Thanos, as well as future MCU superstar, Adam Warlock.

As for what future plans the MCU might have for Pip, well…keep in mind that in the comics he was a member of the Infinity Watch, a team of cosmic beings who were each tasked with guarding one of the Infinity Stones. Each of the aforementioned Pip associates have been members of the Watch at some point, and it’s easy to imagine a post-Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 scenario where the Infinity Watch comes to life in the MCU in some form.

It’s also worth noting that Pip was created by Jim Starlin, the same writer/artist who created Thanos, which plays heavily into who Pip is heralding with his arrival…

Harry Styles as Starfox

Well, your eyes do not deceive you, for that is indeed international pop star sensation Harry Styles as Eros of Titan, perhaps better known as Starfox. And yes, Handsome Harry’s Starfox is indeed canonically known as Thanos’ brother. And yes, he’s also an Eternal, which makes Thanos an Eternal, too.

But wait, if the Eternals of this film are all synthetic beings who apparently can’t reproduce, then how can Thanos have a brother? Well, some of that is (theoretically) explained in the comics.

Now, granted, the MCU’s Eternals are pretty different from the comics versions, but essentially, in the comics, most Eternals were prevented from reproducing by the Celestials. And as we’ve seen in the movie, some Eternals will treat Celestial word as law, while others are more likely to question it, hence the conflict between the team in the film’s third act. But in the comics, some Eternals decided they didn’t like this rule against breeding, and so went and settled on the Moon of Titan (hi, Thanos!) to be fruitful and multiply or whatever, hence the notion of family between Thanos and Starfox.

But wait, why does Thanos look…well…like Thanos, and Starfox looks like Harry Styles? That’s because Thanos’ birth was the product of his parents experimenting by mixing Eternal and Deviant DNA. Hey, we only said they were brothers not twin brothers!

Pip’s heralding of Starfox does also refer to him as Eros, which nods both to the Eternals’ tendency to have names that are influenced by (or did the influencing) of Earth myths and legends as well as his power to manipulate the emotions of others. Alongside that, Eros is as tough as you might expect an Eternal to be, with serious durability, strength, and possibly the power of flight (although that didn’t seem to be a given with every member of the cinematic Eternals).

Please correct me if I’ve got this wrong, but Pip introduces Starfox as coming from “the Mystery Planet” and as the slayer of “Black Roger.” If I heard this right, that’s an incredibly deep cut, from an almost completely forgotten Marvel Comics Presents story where Starfox defeated the ruler of “Mystery Planet,” who went by the name of “Dark Roger.”

Starfox doesn’t have much dialogue, but he does tell the assemblage of Eternals that “your friends are in big trouble and we know where to find them.” So, whatever Eternals 2 ends up being, it’s going to involve Starfox, Pip, Druig, Makkari, and Thena on that quest to rescue Cersi and Kingo, as well as finding other Celestials and Eternals along the way.

What is the song in the Eternals mid-credits scene?

It sure is a choice to have Foreigner’s “Feels Like the First Time” inexplicably playing in this scene. If anything it’s an attempt to connect the spacefaring vibes of this new franchise to a proven commodity like the Guardians of the Galaxy films. But in those movies, the incongruously vintage AM radio rock serves a story purpose, while here it doesn’t.

Starfox isn’t the most major player in the comics, but he’s been around a lot of the major cosmic conflicts since he was first created in 1973 by Jim Starlin. He’s been a member of the Avengers several times, and his arrival here now brings the total of potential MCU New Avengers introduced in this film to three, alongside Cersi and Dane Whitman, when he becomes The Black Knight…speaking of which.

Eternals Post-Credit Scene Explained

While Kit Harrington’s Dane Whitman doesn’t get a lot of screen time in Eternals, it’s pretty clear almost from the moment we meet him that Marvel has big plans for the former Game of Thrones star in the MCU. Shortly after we meet him early in the film, Sersi gifts Dane a ring featuring his family crest. It’s a crest that dates back to the middle ages. Later on, he makes an offhand remark that “my family history is complicated.” These are both keys to understanding what’s happening in the Eternals post-credits scene.

What’s up with Dane Whitman and the Sword?

For one thing, Dane’s “complicated” family history is no joke. In the comics, this can be explained simply (lol) enough: Dane is the nephew of Nathan Garrett, who was once known as the villainous Black Knight. Nathan wielded the Ebony Blade…which was passed down to him through the ages by his ancestor, Sir Percy, the heroic Black Knight of the days of King Arthur. Percy himself was a cousin of King Arthur, which means that Arthur’s blood flows in Dane’s veins. Complicated enough for you?

And the thing we see Dane having anxiety over is the Ebony Blade itself. Think of the Ebony Blade as a kind of reverse-Mjolnir, in that it isn’t about being worthy, but rather it feeds on negative emotions. The blade itself was forged by Merlin from a meteor, although some tellings of the legend say that Sersi herself helped forge it. You can see there’s something otherworldly about the Blade as Dane reaches for it, as it appears to hum and vibrate.

But then a voice stops him, asking: “are you sure you’re ready for that Mr. Whitman?” Which of course leads to more questions. 

Who is the Mysterious Voice Talking to Kit Harrington’s Dane Whitman?

It might be hard to tell who is doing the talking with that brief line of dialogue, but director Chloe Zhao has confirmed that this scene does in fact mark the first appearance of Blade in the MCU! That’s Mahershala Ali in his first official appearance as Marvel’s famed vampire hunter.

“That was the voice of one of my favorite superheroes, Mr. Blade himself,” Zhao told Fandom.

Ali (who previously appeared in an MCU-adjacent role as Cottonmouth in the first season of Netflix’s Luke Cage) was cast as Blade back in 2019, and there has been a Blade movie on Marvel’s schedule for quite some time…even though it doesn’t have a release date.

In the extremely unlikely event you don’t know who Blade is, he’s Marvel’s resident vampire hunter, and arch-enemy of Dracula himself. A half-human, half-vampire “daywalker” who hunts the creatures who killed his mother (and thus guaranteed that he is condemned to a life of half-undeath). Blade was played by Wesley Snipes in three blockbuster films (two of which are great).

What does Blade want with Dane (other than their shared fondness for edged weapons)? Your guess is as good as ours, but someone with a long lifespan like Blade, and who routinely confronts semi-immortal supernatural beings may have come into contact with the mysterious Ebony Blade in the past, or even a previous wielder of it. We won’t speculate any more on that just yet, and don’t expect answers anytime soon, since at the moment it seems unlikely we’ll see the MCU’s Blade movie before 2023.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

What do YOU Blade wants with Dane Whitman in the Eternals post-credits scene? And what do you think of Harry Styles joining the MCU as Starfox? Let us know in the comments!

The post Marvel’s Eternals Post-Credits Scenes Explained: What They Mean for the MCU appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/3GYV6x8

[smithaslan]

[smithaslan]

Full article about the October 20th Netflix walkout is here. 

[smithaslan]

not to be a history fucker on main but the whole mystery of the lost colony of roanoke is so fucking funny