96’line ✧ INTJ ✧ Visual creatorLearning Korean, Japanese and Montenegrin; watching bl dramas; struggling to get my life together
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I’ve noticed an interesting (and horrifying) thing today:
I’m forgetting my native language.
Well, I still speak it fluently, had no problems with communication at the local market last week, but since I write mostly in English and consume content also in English (and a bit of Korean and Japanese) and living in a country where people speak Serbian (that I don’t know but forced to use)… the writing part became hard.
I have troubles with answering simple messages and writing emails in my native language. I don’t answer people not because I intent to ghost them but because I type the answer and delete it because it’s weird and type another one and find it weird too. I’ve spent half a day to compose an email in my native language, and then I switched to English and it turned out to be way easier to write that damn email in English and then translate it.
I’ve never experienced this before, and I don’t know what could it be and what to do with it.
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It’s been a while since I’ve been here — but I’m back (i hope). All this time I was working on an app, and it’s finally out there!✨
So, meet Achiever Flashcards 🎉
Since I’m constantly learning things, so I have to memorise A LOT, but as an artist I can’t stand the visual design of Anki, and other apps that I found had different issues, so I couldn’t find one that would work for me and convinced my team to made our own. And we really made it✨ (I still can’t believe it myself, but everybody on iOS can download it!).
We’re currently solving issues with Google Play, so it will be available for Android as soon as possible (I guess early November).
I’ve learned a lot in past 6 months, and even more is waiting ahead. I hope I’ll manage it all (like I have a choice, haha…)
Anyways, thank you for reading this, and I hope you’ll try my app out — and if you do, give me some feedback please! ♥️
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Several years ago I had a passion that I was going to pursue for the rest of my life — it was porcelain and jewelry, I had access to both workshops and I had lots of plans to make it work together. I was going to move countries, but I’ve found an opportunity to continue working with both porcelain and jewelry.
But then all my plans became impossible overnight. When I woke up and realized that the world around me changed beyond retrieve. It is a trauma, and though I don’t want to mention it at all, I realize that it influences all my life and it is the reason why I am here and who I am now. So I have to mention it.
Anyways. I was forced to make new plans, to move in entirely different destination (fun fact, I lerned where the country I’m moving to is located just when I was buying the one-end ticket there). And finally, after two years of surviving, I feel like I got used to this new life. I still can’t come back to porcelain or jewelry — there’s no workshops in here, and I have no money to organise my own — so I’m searching for new things to learn, that will not require lots of costly stuff like kilns and jewelry gas torches or materials.
So, I was trying to remember what else I wanted to try and never had time before, and one of these things is music. I love to listen to it, and I was always envy of my classmates, who in addition to art school went to the music school as well. I wanted to make music too, but my parents didn’t have money and it was forbidden to be noisy at our home, so I had no chance to try learn anything myself. But now… I guess I can try. And even if I have no idea where to start, it still seems really interesting and complicated enough to become a next big thing for me, as it was with porcelain, when I could work on a thing for hours, forgetting to eat and going home only when the workshop owner was kicking me out so he can go home for the night. I was really happy then, and hope I’ll be able to be as happy once again. Maybe the thing with learning music will work out, I’ll see.
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“Did I really draw this?!”
It was my thought when I opened a folder with my old unfinished project.
I was drawing and making things most of my life.
I graduated art school, attended lots of creative clubs and workshops where we made dolls, teddies, decorations, animation, costumes and other stuff, and later in uni I took jewellery and porcelain courses — and I fell in love with it! I guess if I could, I’d live in a workshop ㅋㅋㅋ And I was really happy when porcelain… teacher(?) allowed me to attend his workshop after I graduated.
But then pandemic hit, and I moved to another country, got way too much stress and didn’t do anything creative at all for two years. It was hard. And for last two days I was reading comics and found some inspiring artists and for the first time in two years I thought that I want to draw something cool too~
So… why not finish the thing I’ve already spent a lot of time on? Here’s the pic of how it started (though I’ll finish it digitally since I had no opportunity to take it with me when moving abroad)

It’s hard to be consistent when your life looks more like hell with terrible news about war, deaths and repressions everyday, but I’ll try anyway. Wish me luck!
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Do what you love
The way I see this thing changed a lot in the past year. Or even in the past month.
I was a happy person, who naturally had to do things I didn’t like or want to do, but I always was able to do what I want as well — to draw after I finish my homework, to read books in the evening, or watch anime, or go to jewelry classes and make ceramics at home after work. I’ve always had opportunities to do anything I wish — and I was used to it. And when the pandemic hit I was not upset at all because I could spend the time I used to spend on the way to the office and back on my own projects and hobbies, on the things I love.
But then…
The war started — and all my dreams and plans and hopes and habits were ruined in an instant, and after the series of events I ended up in entirely different place, where I can not do creative things that I used to do for years. All I wanted to do was implossible here. And I was stuck with the boring work that I hated.
At some point I found myself absolutely unable to focus on my tasks — like, my attention span was shorter than a tiktok video, I struggled with filling in even a short form (I was working with documents a lot). I was distracted by literally everything, from my phone to the sounds behind my window, and the fact that I’m working from home didn’t help at all — I did anything possible but not work. And I felt as crap.
Should I even mention that I didn’t have any energy even to go buy groceries? I spent weekends watching dramas and even not remembering what I’ve watched.
But at the same point I’ve started to get less paperwork and my priorities changed — I’ve returned to working on a project that I’m really interested in — and guess what — my ability to focus ✨magically✨ reappeared, and last week I worked for 7-9 hours a day almost without distractions — though my environment or schedule or anything else didn’t change. It was just the interesting vs important but boring staff I have to do. That’s all. And still, it feels like my condition changed radically.
So lately I was thinking about all this a lot — I’ve never noticed how important is it to at least like your work. No, of course I knew that to like what you do is better than to hate it — but it never crossed my mind how much it can influence my energy levels.
So. What I wanted to say. For everyone who read this — try to do more of what you like to do! Not just think tat it’s important, but what you feel good doing, even if others think it’s silly (i’m working on a language learning app now, and it’s obviously much less important than making an accounting system (especially in a tiny country where accountants still do everything manually and need some good software), but it’s way more joyful for me, so I’ll do that silly little language learning app!). That’s it.
#just my thoughts#nobody will read it anyways#how my brain works#still life#work from home#language learning
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Once in a while I open Tumblr, scroll through some posts by the beautiful people here, start to write my own post… and save it to drafts to finish and post later.
And then it repeats.
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November
There’s too much going on, and I’ll take on a huge lot of work soon (that’s my chance to finally change my life for better and I’m scared af but very excited at the same time), but first I have to finish several other things that are due december, so… I’ve got a lot of work already.
And — it doesn’t help at all, because I’m experiencing FOMO about it — all my fav kpop groups decided to make a comebak rn. Like, they literally making releases one after another and I have no time to fully enjoy each one of them ㅠㅠ
But still, if you didn’t know about Omega X — I highly recommend to check their last album (honestly my fav track is Louder, I loved it even more than Junk food): https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P-hTDnRfvsI
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I’ve seen Stray Kids comeback today and it’s SLAY — I wish I could learn a choreo! And Ateez are next, though I don’t know when exactly, but I’ve seen a teaser today…
And I don’t even want to think about k and thai dramas… I waited for the Middleman’s Love for several months now — and I HAVE NO TIME TO WATCH IT!!
So… that’s it, and now I’ll return to the task I had to finish today (I have no chance to do it on time)
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October, 31st
I had a lot of plans for October: to make a spooky photoshoot, to gather some wild pomegranates, to go and draw on a rock in the mountains… but either I had no time or the weather was too bad, so I couldn’t do anything of it.
It’s interesting that just a year ago I’d be very upset about it, but now I just think “well, it’s a pity, but it’s okay” and just go on with my life.
Despite the fact that some of my plans failed, I feel great today anyway! It’s a very nice calm evening, I’m at the kitchen cooking pumpkin soup and apple pie, earlier today I made some leaf garlands and lit candles, and behind the window is a rainstorm with lightnings. And I’m happy I’m not going anywhere, planning to sit with a cup of hot tea and read The Secret History :)
Btw, I have a nice shot of the lightning I took several months ago! Could be used as a phone wallpaper~

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Just a thought occured: I’m living someone else’s dream…
Like, I live by the sea, there’s a nice beach in 10 minutes walk — but I hate swimming, so I never go there. I live in a country with perfectly warm climate — and I miss the northern snowy winters like crazy.
Though I’m working on my own dreams here — so I learn languages, work on my career, and finally doing something about my health (just healthy neals and daily walks or workouts, but that’s way better than nothing!).
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Just wanted to drop the picture from my last walk to the castle ruins near the place I live. I wanted to do a halloween photoshoot there, but the weather changed last week and now it’s too wet and too cold to go there.

Also I have some big deadlines at the startup I’m working for, so everything that’s not work feels like procrastinating (writing posts on tumblr included)
Now back to work.
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Several months ago I decided I want to try my hand in writing.
I’ve been a passionate reader since I’ve learnt how to read at three years old, but I’ve never seriously consider a writing as something I can do. I don’t even know why, because looking back, I’ve had a lot of things that could be realised through writing… it just didn’t occur to me to try.
So when around two months ago I finally thought “what if I write a story”, it was like someone opened a faucet with ideas and they filled my head and no time. Fortunately, not all of them are good at the second site, but now I have the ideas for two or even three stories — though I didn’t even started the first one.
But writing a good novel is not an easy task at all, so along the writing itself I’m doing a lot of self-studying lately. Now I was reading another article on writing that says that writing a novel is a marathon — and just thought that I’m already in it, and I have a little choice but keep going. Like, even if I wanted to quit, I just can’t. The ideas are haunting me, and who am I to ignore them :)
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I want to draw and I want to write, and I want to watch or read something, and I have a lot of housework to do, and I have to do a workout or at least go for a walk but I feel so tired and I end up doing nothing at all — and not even get any rest because of my anxiety…
I need a vacation.
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What to do at night after a tiring day?..
To make some new wallpaper, obviously!
That’s weird how I like to make new wallpaper pairs for my phone but actually use just the old one, because I’m used to it.
Anyone want some FirstKhaotung iphone wallpapers?


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That’s funny how I’m posting about nature — while in reality I spend 99% of my time indoors working, learning languages, reading books and watching korean and thai dramas…
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It looks like this September will be the busiest month in more than a year for me… I have some activities planned for each weekend, and I’m not sure if it’s a good or a bad thing — I’m still tired after last weekend…
Last weekend I went to the north of the country for a hike — and it was a really long day, I got up at 5AM and came back home after 3AM next day. It was totally worth it, and I loved it, but I’m not sure that I’ll be able to get enough rest before next weekend, when I have to participate in the local community fest…
Anyway, I brought you some photos from the hike!





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Autumn was always my “creative season”. My family usually spent several weeks in August in the forests of Karelia, hiking and cayaking, so returning to the city felt like a real new start, and I always was full of energy to study and to create.
We stopped going to Karelia almost ten years ago, but autumn still was my favorite season when I had lots of inspiration and energy, year after year.
But… last year was not like this. It was the hardest year in my whole life, I guess — the war, change of plans, emigration, family issues — I didn’t have enough energy for everyday tasks, not to mention any creative projects. And in the new place there is no autumn. No colourful leaves, no foggy mornings, no cozy sweaters and hot cocoa — nothing I loved so much.
Now’s my second autumn in the new place, and I definitely feel better than a year ago, I finally can let myself make some plans for the future and think about what I want, not only about what I need. So. I want my fxxking autumn walks back!! Just kidding. Or not…
Anyway, I miss that autumn vibe a lot, so I was scrolling through my old photos and decided to share some here~






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Funny coincedence: I’m eating an apple and drinking apple cider while watching an Apple event
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